about

About you: You have come here because you are searching for someone to help you. Everyone needs help now and again. My mission is to make a difference in the lives of others.

About me: Expert Listener, Nurturer, Chat with me and we will "make a way, find a way" to get through things together. I offer advice in Parenting, Loneliness, Nurturing, Friendship, Relationships, and some areas of medicine. If you have needs that are beyond my scope of expertise, I will redirect you to someone who can and will help you.


Education: Completion of nursing school, many specialty certificates, ranging from Emergency Medical Tech to Scrub Nurse. 25 + years of clinical experience, Mother of 5 and life coach to hundreds.

advice

So im in a long distance relationship.
my boyfriend goes to school about 350 miles away.
now, you know how the smallest things matter in a long distance relationship?

when we video chat, he actually ignores me. hes a car fanatic, so hes on his stupid car websites seaching stuff for his stupid car. watching youtube videos of his car, he talks to his roommate (who is in the room 24/7) about cars.
i mean come on.... seriously? me being ignored caused me to get so heated... so i havent videochatted him in 2 weeks. i refuse.

he never puts me on his facebook status. we've been going out for a year and a half now... and he has only put me on 8 times. no joke. ive put him on EVERY single DAY i put up that i love him, i put up that he means the world to me, i put up when im wiht him..... ugh
i know facebook isnt the world, but you nkow how the smallest things mean so much to you?
my friend is in a relationship with a guy who goes to school in the same area and him and my boyfriend are friends.
my friends boyfriend make his status "so lucky with have her" and cute stuff like that.
when my friend and her boyfriend videochat, he calls her beautiful, he tells her shes his world and all that cute stuff.
her and her boyfriend have tons of pictures together. prob about 100+. me and ryan have about 15....
oh and her and her boyfriend have been going out for 8 months.
10 less months then ryan and i

but... i HAVE talked to him about it. but he continues to ignore me on videochat, and continues to not do anything to "publicize" our relationship. im not asking for much... im asking for some attention and for something to make me smile.... :/

what should i do now? ugh i dont know what to do!

Your previous answerers were right. You don't have to put up with the video chat, infact, you have already empowered yourself to "just say no". The thing is, from a guys perspective, if you were in the same room with him, sitting next to him on the sofa and he had the internet up on his laptop or was playing video games, you would be equally ignored. He would be fully engaged though. You are bored, he is satisfied. He has everything he needs. He can play with finding his car stuff, hang with his roommate and communicate in a normal fashion with the world around him while his girl is by his side.

I am NOT suggesting that you allow yourself to be a doormat like this, I am just trying to depersonalize the painful part of this. Unless he is negative in his FB status, or mean to you during those video sessions, he is just busy making other things his priority. THAT IS A MATURITY ISSUE, his not yours, and you can't change that. If he matures more, he will make a much more attentive boyfriend. In the meantime, maybe make yourself a little less available and definitely find other more positive relationships and activities to spend your time on. That way you can feel good about yourself in ways that don't just depend on his attention. You may find him to be much more interested in you if you are not as easily available.

Take it easy, don't personalize it, and if he is just a sh&^&%&* boyfriend, then dump him and move on.

I would be happy to chat with you about this anytime, you can find me at LPDearSusie@gmail.com.

Good luck!

[view]

(Rating: 5) thank you so much! very helpful=]
<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker