Bio♥
Hey, I'm Melody! I've been giving advice on and off since 2003. I'm a 23 year old military wife, expecting a baby boy in August, and working on my Bachelor's degree. :)
Oh, and ask me anything!
Advice
Okay, so recently to sum my story up short, My Boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5years. In the past I have caught him maybe 2yrs ago lying about girls he had slept with and he put it all out on the table who and what he lied about. 2 years later here we are he lied to me again saying he was going to sleep Friday night because he had to "work" saturday morning an I didn't trust him at all because his whole story about working had been changing, because he lives out of town also! He just recently moved away as well, so he said basically he couldn't come into town because he had to work. I trusted that he said he had to work even though things were sketchy! SO I called his friend later that night he picked up the phone an hungup an I heard music playing , eventually he called an chewed me out saying he was sleeping an stop calling him. I just so happened to check his account and see he was lying and at a nude bar? I kept thinking why would he lie, I caughthim an drove all the way to south carolina to fix things with him NOTE:i didnt do anything wrong, I think any female would have done the same an checked up on their bf of 5 YEARS. So he is wanting to break up because I went on his online banking and he foundout tuesday I tried logging in again and he changed his password so I couldn't go on an I assumed maybe he was hiding stuff and questioned him about it? I wrote him a long email saying if he wanted closure I will give it to him an called him that night to talk, this time he wasnt yelling at me on the phone he listened an just commented saying I dont trust him an never did, an that's why he did it an tried to get away with it because he knew I wouldn't approve of him going out like he did. Well needless to say we ended the convo on good terms he said he would call me and hasn't called yet, it's been about a day now! SO I want to know am I wrong? What can I do to fix it? I told him I would go to counseling to do whatever it took to make it work an would trust him but at the same time he has to gain that back from me? I don't know what more to do I have talked to al kinds of people at work, managers everything and have no clue what to do?? ANY advice would be appreciated , Thank you SO much!
Trust is obviously a big issue in your relationship. I understand where you are coming from to an extent. I am also in a long term relationship (almost 5 years too) so I know some of what you may be feeling. When my boyfriend and I first started dating, trust was a big problem for us too. We both made mistakes, and we have both had issues trusting the other, but as we have gotten older we have come to realize that at such a young age, no one really knows for sure what they want. You need to understand that too.
I know how hard this must be for you. To this day I still catch myself getting suspiscious when my boyfriend leaves my house early, or looks at his phone when I am not paying attention. It's a bad habit to break, but you have got to realize that without trust you have nothing. I know what you are feeling, but you are wrong when you say that any girl would drive to a different state to catch her boyfriend doing something wrong. Sure I might think about it, but I would never actually do it. I would also never hack into his bank account. That's creepy. Think about it. Would you like it if he was always trying to break into your online accounts? The fact that it was his bank account makes it even worse. What could you possibly learn from doing that? What he spends his money on is his business, not yours.
Are you sure you want to be in this relationship? You have made it very clear to me and your boyfriend that you don't trust him at all. If you can't trust him, you shouldn't be with him. The last time my boyfriend lied to me was about four years ago, and I had a tough decision to make. I had to find out the truth from someone else, so that made me wonder if he would ever tell me the truth about anything. I thought long and hard, but in the end I loved him so much that I was willing to let it go and move on. He has done the same for me when I have messed up. We love each other and know that people make mistakes, and as long as we are honest with each other from here on out, we can make it and be happy. We are now in a very healthy and trusting relationship. Your boyfriend has come clean to you, and if you still can't find it in your heart to trust him, you need to leave him. Simple as that. This relationship isn't fair to either one of you. He shouldn't feel like he has to lie to you in order to do what he wants, and you shouldn't have to be constantly worried he is lying to you.
No guy wants to be with an overbearing girlfriend. It's the biggest turn-off in the world. You need to learn to pick your battles. Have boundaries, but not strict ones. To me, nude bars are not okay. My boyfriend knows that, and he respects it because I am not a psycho-stalker girlfriend. The harder you pull, the worse they will try to get away from you. Remember that.
If you decide to be with him, you have some serious apologies to make. Talk to him and apologize for hacking his account, driving to where he lives to check up on him, calling him in the middle of the night, and any other crazy girlfriend stunts you may have pulled. Also let him know where you are coming from though. Tell him you don't appreciate being lied to, and that it hurts you more than anything. Let him know that whatever he is doing, honesty is always the best policy with you. Also tell him that next time he lies to you, then it's over because you can't deal with being in a realtionship with someone who just can't tell the truth.
Good luck! And remember if you have any further questions or comments to leave them in my inbox again, because I can't answer you if you leave them in the feedback box. Thanks!!
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