about

Well i don't really like doing 'about me' bits, so all I'll say is that I want to help as much as I can, and I think i'm quite good at seeing things from the perspective of others, a characteristic, I've always believed, to be essential when giving good advice. Feel free to ask me anything you like =)

*I've added my email, should be somewhere on my page and if anyone recieves advice from me and just wants to ask more about their problem or what they've said, they can ask me through that if they prefer =)

advice


I am 28 years old and at a crossroads in my life.
While I can appreciate that I am not truly impoverished, I feel I have lost much of my livelihood in the last 10 years.

I can't seem to get started in life, not with a career, not with a romance, not with a passion or search for spiritual meaning... and now I'm starting to gain weight and worried that I will become obese and trapped like my mother in a dysfunctional marriage, complacent in a constant state of denial.

I am unstable in so many ways at this point, I feel I need professional help - yet others still seem to think I have everything going for me...well mostly anyway. They say I'm still young, pretty, talented, college-educated, living rent-free (with parents, sigh)... I have a car. I'm lucky!

I get griped at by my family and my romantic partner for being lazy and unappreciative when all I do is say "thank you" and humble myself constantly and seek advice from anyone willing to give me it as to what I need to do to be doing something right. And I don't just sit around all day - I have spent a lot of time and money on my education, on job searches...but I still have no sense of direction or focus.

I don't think a doctor would actually diagnose me with clinical depression, but when I turn my mind to the pressures I sense about my situation, I feel depressed anyway and despite my best attempts, seem easily defeated at most courses towards improvement that I pursue.

I am desperate to find purpose and contentment in my existence. I know I am worthwhile and interesting and deserve to be here and sharing it...but what next?

I have very little money to throw away on extravagances at the moment - but should I see a professional therapist?

I sometimes feel that if I could just afford to live comfortably in my own place without anyone around to hassle me, I might feel sane again.

Hey =]

I wouldn't say that you are depressed but that you are living with to much of a focus on the people around you. You say that you feel that you have lost your livlihood and to me livlihood represents the ability to be completely free, to let everything go and ultimately be yourself. In contrast, mostly in this post you have talked about how your partner, your parents and your friends feel. Doesn't that say something? Maybe the fact that you are more focused on what they are saying about you, is what is taking you're livlihood away. Thats my general opinion, but there are some other issues i'd like to address.
Firstly, you are comparing yourself to your mother, now although it is not unusual for people to end up like their parents, it does not mean you have to be. The fact that you have recognised that her life is dysfunctional means you're probably not going to let yourself get into that similar situation, as long as you keep this in your mind.
Secondly as for instability, well of course you haven't gone into detail about this so it is hard to say for sure what would be the best solution, however from my experiences the best is simply to talk. It sounds simple but if you get a good friend and have a good chat on a regular basis, as long as you are as honest as you feel you can be then slowly you'll start to feel a change, firstly because you will be discussing you're problems and you're feelings and so getting them out of your head and secondly it means you, yourself, from hearing things out loud will maybe start to think 'hang on...i didn't realise i felt like that until i really started to talk about it'. Also, (people always think this is a weird thing when they first start but it helps a lot) start writing out you're own feelings in some way, if you have easy access to a computer then a blog and if not then just write them out wherever you can. The important thing about this though is to go back at the end of every week or every so often anyway and look back and read what you've said and it'll really get you thinking about what you want and where you are and how you could maybe feel better by addressing some of the problems. I think ultimately if you have so much trouble focusing it means that you're not at all interested in what you are doing, I mean maybe you're trying to force yourself dow a 'path' that you don't really want to go down. So maybe by writing out you're thoughts or talking to someone on a frequent basis this will help establish what path you really do want to go down.
Forthly, I think from reading this,although you didn't actually mention the matter at all, you don't seem like the type of person that does anything purely from themselves or without the voices of other in their head. This is obviously key to livlihood, so I think what you need to do is find something for you and you alone. Its different for everyone what that one thing is, whether its picking up an instrument or finding a particular restaraunt where nobody else you know goes and going their with a friend or two every so often. It may not be like moving into you're own place but by doing this, you can create a kind of escape from everything by knowing that despite all the hassle from your partner and parents you can always look forward to thiks one thing to take you're mind of things.
That leads me nicely on to the final point which is that you really shouldn't let those people get to you, when you're feeling the way you do, all you need is 6 more problems caused by them, get them out of your head, if you feel you have to deal with them, just smile and agree with everything they say, even if you dont mean it, and maybe they'll start to understand you're just not interested in them putting you down. When people are like this with me, I tend to take it personally, but all I do is give one of my friends a call and talk it out and i feel fine by the next day about whoever it was that said anything. Also to return to a point I made earlier, this is why blogs are very helpful because you can go let out all you're feeling because you can just go rant about whatever (insert name here) said about you.

Well thats all I can think of that might help, I hope you find what it is you need to kickstart things from somewhere anyway, good luck =)

Mike

[view]

(Rating: 5) Mike,

I appreciate you taking the time to really think about my problem and providing me with multiple options towards a solution.
:)
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