Member Since: October 22, 2009
Answers: 3
Last Update: October 22, 2009
Visitors: 728
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What can I do?! We have been together for 6 years now, and I still have a really hard time understanding his sexual behavior. First of all, we are in our early 20s, and we usually end up having sex about twice a month. We are in our peak years, and we have sex twice a month! That wouldn't be so weird to me, if I didn't know he had such a huge sexual appetite. By that, I mean, he watches porn ALL THE TIME. He "sneaks" it, but I know he does it (which is no big deal). He has CDs and CDs full of it. Another thing, he is addicted to women, I guess. Strippers - he's ALWAYS going to the strip club. When we're hanging out with our friends, he sometimes sounds like a dirty sex pig with some of his little remarks and comments. This is what's driving me crazy - Why isn't he like that with the one girl he SHOULD be like that with? I am a girl that takes care of her body and I try REALLY hard to stay fit and eat right. I try to look like the women he's told me he found attractive and still be my own woman. I want him to be satisfied with me, of course. Sometimes I feel like his friends are more interested in me than my own man, and honestly, that feels really crappy.
The other night, we were laying in bed, and he thought I was sleeping, because he kept changing the channel to this softcore porn (well, it's the best he could get on the TV!) and trying to be all sneaky about it. I really don't care if he watches porn (and I've made this clear to him before), so I don't know why he felt he had to sneak, but anyway, he kept checking back to that channel. I rolled over and he quickly turned it back. This made me really upset. He has a girl right beside him wearing practically nothing, that would put out in a second (it's true!) and he'd rather sneak watching porn? Softcore to boot?!?! It starts making me feel like there is something wrong with me, and makes me feel like I'm unattractive. I almost feel like I need to go out to the bar just to get reassurance that I'm desirable (no, I know that isn't the right thing to do, and I'm not doing that). I can't figure it out. I haven't put on any weight, I've kept tone and fit, I have nice womanly curve (decent sized boobs, nice hips and butt, slim waist), I style my hair the way he likes, sometimes walk around in barely nothing, and I'm still unappealing?
I am an open-minded girl that loves sex, and my fiancé acts like sex with me is so unimportant. It doesn't feel very good. He knows I'm open to weird kinky things too so it can't be that I refuse "good" sex. I don't know how to go about fixing this. When I've spoken to him about it, he says that I'm just complaining, or "We don't HAVE to have sex all the time!" Well, trust me, we are FAR from all the time. I asked him if there was something I wasn't doing or some way to improve my looks/attractiveness but he says everything is fine between us and I'm just being a cunt at this point. I don't know what his issue is, but it's frustrating the hell out of me. I think he'd rather just jerk off to some crappy porno than have crazy, kinky sex with the love of his life. If that's what he wants then I NEED to KNOW so I can figure some way to cope with this. Does that make ANY sense?
How do I bring this issue up with him without starting a fight? Like I said, it's completely fine if he wants to watch porn or go to a strip club every once in awhile but I feel so unwanted at this point. He knows I'm always horny and ready to go at it but he'd rather not have sex with me. I'm confused and unhappy. I just want things to be normal. What do I do? What am I doing wrong? Please, please help me. (link)
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Go rent (or buy) a hardcore porn DVD and let him "catch" you watching it. Invite him to join you and offer to act out the stuff in the video. If my wife did that, I would love it.
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Rating: 3
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That really doesn't answer my question properly. I want my husband to pay attention to me and feel sexually interested in me without the porn. I'm not into porn myself and, while your suggestion may be suited for many couples, it isn't something I would want to do. I want to be interested in without the porn, that's all. I'm not sure how to explain my feelings but it's like this:
I am absolutely everything from these porn videos. I look pretty good and have a nice shape, if I do say so myself. I haven't let myself slide. I take care of myself. I am always horny and ready for sex. I am loving and understanding. I just want to have sex like normal people...not with him staring at the TV screen at the pornstars so he can get off with me. For once, I want him to think about me when we are actually having sex...like that ever happens anyway.
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