Member Since: May 20, 2009
Answers: 21
Last Update: June 12, 2009
Visitors: 1964
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im not a poet, and i honestly dont even know if this is considered poetry. im not sure if it makes sense to anyone but me, but theres not much of a point of writing it if im not getting any feedback, so here it is. comments greatly appreciated, thanks!
silence.
silence to fight against the words pushing at her lips
trying to get out
trying to fix what she’s stuck in
this dirty rut of past memories and a love gone rotten.
colder than ice, the those sharp words freeze her
freeze her mouth shut
and those echoing words are locked inside her head to spoil
until she cries
but her tears turn to ice
so whats the point?
(link)
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veryyy niceeee :)
you seem to be showing lots of talent and emotion
(applause) hehe or shall i say "snaps"
oh god, i hope you get that.. haha anyway
i would recommend maybe switching some of the words to this poem. when i started reading it, i didnt quite get if there were two people or one person.. i dont know that's just me.. until i hit the words "this dirty rut of past memories.."
i knew it mustve have been one girl crying about "love gotten wrong.."
maybe if you tried starting out with This dirty rut.. and kept going but towards the end put SILENCE or something?
sounds a little bit more clear to me if i read it off like that.. but either way.. VERY NICE! 5 stars!
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Rating: 5
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thanks for the constructive criticism, ha it helps
and i get the snaps thing :D
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