Member Since: March 21, 2009
Answers: 4
Last Update: April 14, 2009
Visitors: 1228
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Ok, so one of my friends went out with a very beautiful girl and i began to like her. I was not aware that he still likes her and i recently found out. But he would not admit it to me everytime i asked him. I do not know if i should not take any actions because she tells me all the time im cute or i dress the best or im hot and all this stuff but i do not think it is right because he is one of my close friends and he acted like he doesn't care so what do i do? (link)
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Dear Ric Ocasek:
Is it possible that you and she can date a few times without your friend knowing? That may sound duplicitous and therefore wrong, but if it turns out there is nothing there between the two of you, you don't have to see her again and no harm is done. If it turns out there is something there, then it's worth...well, everything!
Now, there is a "code" among men. I believe it goes something like, "Thou shalt not date my girlfriend, ex or otherwise." I understand the sentiment behind the code but I do not believe it should be a hard-and-fast rule.
So, why the code? Well, even in a situation in which a parting of ways between boyfriend and girlfriend is a mutual decision, some semblance of feeling will remain. There were good times and special moments between your friend and this woman that will forever remain in his memory, unless he develops Alzheimer's. There's no chance he might be on the path, is there? Assuming he continues to remember who this woman is, your friend will always feel linked to her in some way. It will hurt him to see her with someone else, and if that someone happens to be you - his friend - he will feel betrayed.
The real question here is this: are you solely drawn to her beauty? If so, dating her is probably not worth losing a friend. However, if you think that there may be the slightest chance that this is someone with whom you can form a relationship, you have to take a chance.
If after a couple of dates, you decide you want to see more of this woman, you must then tell your friend. He may react unfavorably at first but hopefully come around in the end.
Don't wonder what could have been. Take a chance on love. Love is all you need.
Pete Peeves
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Rating: 5
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this is the BEST advice i have gotten in the like 3 weeks i've had this account...
thanks ha^
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