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I used to date a friend of mine, and then we broke up, then stayed friends.
Then one day, we had a fight, and we've been antagonistic to each other since.
I tried a long time ago to mend the friendship to no avail, and settled on just hating.
It's been over half a decade now, and since common interests and such keep making us encounter each other, I'm getting tired.
I'm tired of being afraid of being hurt emotionally by her, I'm tired of being angry with her, and I'm tired of hate. Honestly, if I don't drop this negativity that's weighing down on me, and wearing down my self-esteem and my psyche, it will probably kill me.
I'm debating just sending an email or something. Just saying I'm sorry, and that I'm tired of this feud, and I want it to end. While it'd be nice to have one of my best friends back, I'd settle for just not being enemies anymore.
The only thing that's keeping me from doing this already is the same fear. I don't want her thinking I'm trying to get back with her (something she brought up against me, but was never my intent). I just... I just really really want to let go of all these negative feelings I have towards her. How do I get this point across to her, and have her understand what I'm trying to do? (link)
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Don't try to explain it to her. Sounds dumb, I know. Bare with me.
I've had to deal with this a lot recently and I have discovered that the more you try to explain to them the worse things get. What you do, instead, is send a simple email/letter. Say something like: "I'm sorry for all the animosity that we've had between us, and I hope we can find a way to resolve it in the near future." That's it. No explanations. If she responds with something snide or hurtful, don't respond. Ignore it. You said your piece.
When you see the ex somewhere treat her like someone you know, not someone you hate. Smile, say hello and then move on. If they return the smile and nod, or say hello and try to start a conversation, feel free to ask them how they've been and create polite conversation but don't force it. If a sore subject comes up, like you might wanting her back, simply say you think it's better that the conversation end there and that you hope to see them again. Don't argue, don't be rude.
The more you do this, the more nature it is to do. It's like when you're sad and people tell you to smile. The act of smiling releases endorphins that actually make you happy. Being nice to people you hate can actually cause bad feelings to disappear between the two of you.
Don't try to meet for coffee or something for a while, though. Not until you're sure the air has cleared... and that could take a while.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you so much for actually helping me with the solution. Usually, when I talk about this in person with people, they say I should just let it go, and I end up feeling worse because I can't let it go, and then it fuels the aforementioned hatred.
I'll try the simple email, and hopefully, she doesn't do something drastic and horrible to me.
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