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The only person I have left to talk to after everything I've been through...my best friend.
Well, I keep waiting for her to get up and leave like everybody else did. She's away at the moment (like on vacation away) and I wanted so badly to talk to her because I feel like I'm drowning over here. So she never called me back until finally today. I wanted just to pour my guts out to her, but lately when something's bothering me, I just physically can't talk about it. I can't form into words what I'm trying to say. I don't know why, I just can't. So I was trying to tell her but I just kept getting more and more frustrated (mainly with myself) so then I lashed out at her. I hung up on her (something I've never done before in my life), and then she tried calling back but I wouldn't pick up. I was just upset and felt deflated and ugh. And it wasn't even her fault. It was all my fault for getting mad at her and I feel awful about it. And when I feel awful about something, I go to her. But the thing is, I actually don't want to go to her. I almost feel like I don't have the energy to go to her and explain why I'm so upset all the time. Because I don't have the energy to find out why myself.
It's so confusing. Like, what I just typed up there, I could never say. It's easier to type something out than say it, but even then I'm not telling the whole thing because I can't organize my thoughts to just spit it out.
Sorry if this got annoying.

first of all, you weren't annoying. you're going through a rough time in your life and you need some help.

from personal experience, i don't spill my guts to humans in general because every single one i can think of has betrayed me in one way or another. now, i know no one is perfect, but trust is a difficult thing for me.

and that's why i suggest you keep a journal.

benefits of keeping a journal:
1.) you can keep track of your feelings from one day to another. e.g., start out each post with one word describing how you're feeling. gradually, take note of if they're becoming happier

2.) you don't risk someone spilling your secrets, walking out on your life, or betraying your trust.

3.) you don't make your loved ones suffer with you. your journal is your best friend if you keep it updated and when something happens, you tell it.

friends are great, yes, but both you and i have had our share of friendship troubles. you seem so confused. you should definitely still go to her for guidance, but only when you have a specific problem. the rest you can do with you and your diary.

i hope i helped

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(Rating: 5) Thank you. I'll try that.
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