I'm a happily married Wife of 18 years with 5 beautiful children. I have created with my Husband a Family life I never thought possible in this world of turmoil and confusion. Growing up through my teen years was more like an excersize in surviving, both emotionally and mentally. The first years of my adulthood I spent re-evaluating all that I had lived through, and then rebuilding myself into a person I liked and wanted to be. The realization that changed my life forever was when I came to understand; I was not who or what others said I was, or wanted me to be. I didn't have to repeat my parents mistakes, when there was so many of my own I could make. I realized I alone was responsible for my choices, and for letting others treat me badly. I was no longer a child, and could demand and expect to be treated well. By freezing out those who didn't understand that for me things had changed!! I was still young, so I didn't alway's know what to do, but I sure knew what NOT to do! Which that alone is sometimes half the battle!!
Gender: Female
Location: CA
Occupation: Domestic Engineer
Age: 39
Member Since: September 22, 2005
Answers: 31
Last Update: June 8, 2008
Visitors: 6392
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im obsessed with my boyfriend v weve been going out for almost 3 years and were only in hs. weve done everything but sex and i am in love. ive tried to picture myself with someone else and i just cant. lately he has been pulling away and idk what to do because im obsessed what do i do to make him obsessed with me again and dont say talk to him because i would be right now but ive tried and he says nothing is wrong. just tell me what to do ill do anything (link)
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It seems to me you've made the classic mistake of making yourself too available to him. You see, when it comes to relationships girls and guys think and respond differently. A girl has the tendency to build her life around the guy she's with. Guy's tend to see the girl there with, as part of their life, but not their whole life! The two of you have been together a long time and he may be starting to feel a bit closed in.
My best advice to you would be to take a cue from him and pull back a little as well. Do some things on your own or with friends. If you've let all your friends fall by the wayside, its time to make some new connections. I'm not saying get another boyfriend or anything like that. I'm just saying don't be so available to him all the time. Make him have to wonder every now and then, where you might be and what you are doing. When he wants you to go somewhere with him, next time be busy and not able to go with him. Tell him your sorry but you just have other things going on right now. Join a club, or some type of sport team, take up bowling, go miniature golfing, something, anything, just go get yourself busy!! Make him see you as not so easily available to him. That way if he is still wanting to be with you, he has to pursue you a little bit, ya know??
The thing with men is that deep down they are still hunter's, and no hunter wants the easy catch. For men, it's not so much the prize they want, it's more about the thrill of the chase. He doesn't have to chase you, persue you, or please you!! Your there anyway. Whenever he gets around to wanting to be with you, he knows you'll be waiting. So what's the point, and where's the excitement a challenge would bring?? What you have set your self up to be is his plaything he can set up on the shelf and take down and dust you off to play with as he chooses. When he chooses.
If you really want him to be interested in you again, become interesting by creating parts of your life that doesn't depend on him being part of. I have been married 18 years now and I still tell my Husband 'I don't need you and I never will. I can get by just fine on my own, but I do want you.' He is and always has been aware that I am not the type of woman that will sit and wait on some shelf. I've never been the needy type. Even when I really wanted to be clingy, I wouldn't. It's like announcing your absolute dependence on their giving you attention. It is one of the biggest mistakes a girl can make in a relationship. For him it's the thrill of the chase. For you, the challenge is to make him understand it's not so much about getting the prize, as it is about keeping the prize!!!
One last thing you need to understand is in Love, you have to hold on loosely, but don't let go. Hold on too tightly and your going to lose control.
By the way I speak from experience. Before my Husband there was a guy I was with for 4 years when I was young. He was the one who taught me the danger in being too available. I knew with every part of who I was, that I would be with him forever. Unfortunately, one of those times I was sitting waiting on that shelf he left me on, he began to find other girls who were more exciting. They offered him a challenge and the excitement of not being a sure thing. Of course in the end he was sorry, he loved me, he didn't know why he did it, and I believed him and forgave him the first few times.I even still allowed myself to be put up on a shelf waiting for him again. Sure enough, each time he eventually came across someone else that enticed him, and he would do what guys do! He just had to take a chance and go for the excitement!!
I will never forget the last time I saw him and he was finally understanding we were over. It was almost a look of shock that I had found the strength to live without waiting on him. When I met the next man I dated I made sure to not make the same mistake. We have now been married 18 years and have 5 kids. Even after all these years, if I start to sense he is taking me for granted, I find a way to become unpredictable and keep him guessing. Take Care and Good Luck.
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Rating: 5
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thankyou so much ive been wanting advice like this for so logn and u relly gave it to me you seem like a really good person, thankyou so much-abbey
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