arielle316's advice column

askarielle316

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: 24/f
so here is the shortest version of the story I can manage. When I was seventeen I met the love of my life. we both knew it the moment we met. we lived 8 hours away from eachother but had a long distance relationship. he is 2 years older so he moved to the east coast to be in a band before I got out of highschool. i was supposed to go when I graduated but as life goes...I moved to the west coast with another man when I was 18. when i was 20 we found eachother again and he still in the band we saw eachother a few times and were still in love. this is like really true love, our hearts and souls are meant to be. he cannot leave his band, they tour 10 months out of the year. anyway we stayed in contact and over the years he would fly out between tour dates and spend a few days with me. two years ago we decided it was very hard to be together long distance so we agreed to see other people because we were both lonely but we both knew we still loved eachother. we planned to get married when I moved from the west coast. he started seeing his ex and I met someone from work. we still stayed in touch and in love. well, I ended up getting pregnant and had a baby with a man i do not love, and still do not love. we lost contact after I had my baby, he was really hurt yet supportive of me keeping the child. I two years later, my son is over a year old and I still live with his father who is not a nice person at all. Recently we started talking again and although we are both in relationships the love is still there. I guess i just need advice on how to move on from here...i am staying with my baby's father for my son, but I love this other man so much. he is constantly touring so its not like we can be together because I cannot move to his home base because it would bring my son 2000 miles away from his dad. I just dont know what to do. I love him and I know we are destined to be together. sorry if my question is not really precise, but any advice would help me greatly. this man is always on my mind and I know now that i am always on his mind. thanks

I know that having yours son, choices are now extremely hard for you, especially on matters of the heart. But if you are not in love with his father, then you can't stay together with him. Your son won't understand for a long long time why but he will eventually. If you are in love with someone and they are in love with you then you need to compromise with him. If he truly loves you then he will want to make time for you and compromise.
Your son is very young so he will not quite understand what is happening for a few years but explaining things lightly to him will help the situation slightly.
Does the current man you are with think you are in love with him? Because if he does, you need to let him know that you arent. You cant live a lie the rest of your life, to him or yourself.
Make sure that your son will be able to have contact with his father b/c it is definitely unhealthy for him to not know him.
But remember, it will be worse for your son if you are not a loving parent to your partner. Kids see they're parents and learn from them; if you arent in love with your partner, your son will figure that out eventually anyway.
And though you need to do what's best for your son, you need to follow your heart's desire b/c there is nothing worse than love that's been stripped away from you. Your son will understand when he falls in love himself, even if thats awhile from now.
Whatever makes you happiest is the right thing. And i know that whatever makes your son happy will make you happy as well so when you figure out a cure for both of your happinesses, then that will be the right route.

Hope that everything goes well...