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Alright first of all i know you probably hear this alot from several other different people but hear it goes... what you just wrote it sounds exactly like i was when i was younger. When i was younger i was into the suicide game, and the whole my friends are my life, and i would die for them. I to was also an outcast and people called me a freak on a regular basis, because i was different. But that really didnt bother me, after awhile i started getting more and more friends, but these "friends" i had wernt really my friends i found that out when i got to highschool. Everyone that said they had my back really didnt, in middle school they were because we were a striving force that no one would mess with, we ruled the school.
Anyways what i am trying to get at is i did alot of stupid things and did things just to get someone to look at me, i to have had many and to many friends die from suicide and i myself have tried anything and everything to try to die. I didnt care what my family thought of me and i didnt care what i did i had no remorse for anything i did. To answer a few of your questions: Your mom doesnt hate you, me being a mom myself she could never hate you, and never will hate you no matter what you do your mom will always love you, she is just worried and doesnt no how to express how she feels. B: nothing is wrong with being yourself but "goth" is a religion and not many people knwo about it and they are confused they see you with black makeup and your whole get up and it scares them so they want to try to pick on someone who is different dont let it bother you because they are just mindless sheep who follow the crowed keep being yourself. C: YES it is VERY bad not to be able to be yourself without your friends because that just means your scared of who yuo are and arnt comfertable in your own skin, dont care what people think of you just say if you dont like me fuck off im me and damn proud of it. D: you say your depressed at home and not at school, your depressed at home because probably you get bored easy and your mom doesnt understand that your going through a big change in your life and she wants to hold on to her little girl. She cant except the fact that it is how it is and your going to change, but youll grow out of the gothic slit your wrist stage everyone goes through a faze in your life when you think your alone and noone cares about you. The rebellious stage its called. E: no its not bad that your turn down other guys that just means you really like this guy and you want him to ask you but he is scared it will ruin your friendship, i had this guy named scott and i was in "love" with him i thought but me and him dating after being so good of friends yeah not to good i dont even talk to him no more.
F: The only way you can help his life is by being there for him, helping him through tough times, and pick him up when he falls. You cant change someone elses life although we would liek to try, all you can do really is stand back and watch. Try to help him if hes hurting but other than that there is nothing you can do but try to understand both sides, where his mom and your mom are coming from. G: As for your crying, not being able to yes that can be bad. Everyone needs to show emotion and let anger out and through crying you do that. For the longest time i wasnt able to cry than i met my husband and he helped me, he taught me that it was ok to cry. Just because you have experienced death so much doesnt mean your used to it. No one will ever be "used to" death, i used to think crying is a form of wekaness but i later found out not crying shows you that your weak.
H: Having your mom like your friends, shes never going to like all your friends expecially now because she thinks your friends are changing you and she is probably right. I know you dont want to hear it like that but rather you know it or not they do. You say that you had a good relationship with your mom back when but ever since this stage in your life your pulling away. Dont do that, it will make her want to hold on and it will make you feel like shes crushing you, keep your mom in formed and tell her to try to listen to your story to. Your mom is just worried about you and she doesnt want you getting hurt. I: As for the guy situation i dont know what to tell you, i took the wrong way and i snuck behind my parents back seeing him. But that only got me in more trouble than someone needs to be in. When i was younger i was in jail, the psych ward, and in cop cars every single night and im not trying to be a bad ass or exagerate.
J: Its never bad for someone to be lovey dovey together just dont let your feelings get in the way of a friendship. That really can mess up the friendship and you will get hurt, you can be lovey together just remember love isnt a word to just throw around lightly. Make sure you know what love is before you say it. K: For the perverted part lol no way im perverted to with my friends. Im perverted with my mom to but its all in fun, talking about things are fun and games, but actually doing them at a young age is something different. Pervertedness is funny and fun, it make life interesting with your friends.
Id like to say i have all the answers but i really dont. I just have life experiences and i hope you take all of this to your mind and actually listen to it. I hope iv helped you, and keep writing i like that you asked me thanks alot. No one is going to know all the answers in life, but id liek to say dont end up in the road that i went down, its not good at all, its rough and bumpy. Very hard to get your life back afterwards.
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