Q: This will be verry long, but please bear with me and help.. I am desperate for advice right now..
I feel like there is no reason for me to live anymore. The past week my friends have stood me up and lied to me. My mom is a huge alcoholic so all she does is yell at me (like now), blaming me for her personal problems. My dad is always angry at me. I never know why, actually. I am always doing something that makes him mad. Whenever I have something to say, nobody listens. Usually they later regret it but that doesn't stop from ignoring me again. Also, my cousin cheerfully (at least it seemed like it) said I am invited to her birthday party. It would be a huge blast since she just turned 18. She said she would tell me when to get there.. but later after asking she never responded back, because she never told me. So she went without me. First of all, this meant SOO much to me because I haven't seen her in months, so I was looking forward to it.
She also did this a few other times so I wouldn't consider it an accident. She never wants to take me anywhere.
It's the same with my friends. I post bulletins on Myspace, saying how hurt I am or something, and nobody cares to reply back. You'd think out of 100 friends, one of them would, right? No.
I feel hated, betrayed, and lied to. I feel like I am everyone's punching bag.
I am mentally ill, actually. I have attempted suicide numerous times, once ending up in the ER. I get panic attacks and mental breakdowns. I do see my school counselor, but all she can do is calm me down. She doesn't help the problem, she just helps the way I feel. But I want the problem to be helped because all it does is it gets worse. I am sick and tired of being treated all crappy. I do nice things for people but the favor is never returned. Usually I don't expect any to be but I never get one returned.
My parents refuse to get me to a Psychologist. The most I can do right now is school counseling. I live in a crappy city so there is no shelters nearby or anything.
I want to die. I want to be gone. I am sure if I do die, everyone will be happy because right now everyone just gets mad at me for no reason. I have done nothing wrong, but I blame mysef everyday for just existing.
What can I do?? PLEASE HElP!!=[
ps - please don't ignore this because I know this site gets many questions about depression and suicide, and I know I am annoying you people for adding on to it. But I am ill, and I need help. Thanks.
