Member Since: February 16, 2007
Answers: 17
Last Update: March 16, 2007
Visitors: 1731
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my husband of 5 years is also my boss. 6 months ago he hired an assistant, a stick thin, long haired blonde, who all the guys have been drooling after for the past 6 months. i became her friend and we would all go out for drinks, but the more i got to know her, the less i liked her. she is a self proclaimed 'gold digger', she has cheated on her previous relationships, she uses men for $, she flirts with every single man, has been intimate with a few of our co-workers (already) and has gone out on a few dates w/ another married man. I try not to have anything to do w/ her, but i get so fustrated when she squeals & giggles loudly & i look over to find her and my husband/boss flirting! we have had HUGE arguements @ home about this, he says that i have nothing to worry about (& i know this) but i am still angry about his actions, he tells me that he will tone it down and be more professional @ work but he isn't. he buys her things like lunches, drinks, etc. and then fights w/ me over our finances. for some dumb reason he told her how much i make (which is less then her!) and now she is telling other ppl that we work w/! @ work he barely gives me the time of day, when i ask him for help sometimes he says flat out "no", but then will go help her, or he will start to help me, but then drops whatever he is doing to help her out. he puts more of a workload on me, and expects more from me then her, or his other workers.
i do trust him, really i do, but that is not my problem, my problem is that i can't afford to quit my job for at least another year and a half (because we owe a lot of $ in Credit debt) but it breaks my heart, honestly my heartaches every time i hear, or see them flirting. she follows him around like a puppy dog, she won't leave his side throughout the day, always has some stupid silly little question to ask him, and she even takes lunch breaks w/ us. i am full of so much bitterness and rage, I don't have a problem w/ her working alongside him, if they would only tone it down on the flirting, chit-chatting throughout the day, and if he would stop doing things for her like, buying her stuff, makeing her coffee, etc. our marriage has gone through alot, and i never would have thought that some 21 y/o airhead would be the thing that comes between us. i've tried everything from a calm, reasonable talk, right down to a screaming yelling, tear streaked face as i call him every name in the book, and everytime it is the same: "I would never cheat on you, i would never disrespect my vows, I'm sorry i hurt you, i won't do it again" but he does it over and over and over again.
I know that he isn't cheating on me physically, but I feel betrayed that he seems to be haveing an emotional affair w/ her. right now I am not speaking to him, he tries to get me to talk, but i can't go through ANOTHER fight w/ him on the same subject, when i know that my words will fall on deaf ears, and he will make promises to change, but will never fall through with it... i have accepted his inability to control the flirting situation.... but i am thinking about going to HIS boss and talk about how i feel that i have an unfair amount of work, and how when i ask for help he refuses, or he never finishes helping me out. sorry it was so long, but god it felt good to get that off of my chest. (link)
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wow...well I just had to read this whole thing because even though it was long, it interested me. It hurts me even, to hear that you have been put through such a tight situation. You feel as though you've been made to feel hurt every time you see them together and you feel like no matter what you say to your husband, he always has some answer to defend what he's doing. All it comes down to is that fact that he's not acting professional and he's not acting as a husband to you- as he should be.
I feel bad for you. I fear relationships because of thios kind of thing happening- married or not. It's scary to think about and even far worse to hav to go thru it. Your husband is probably loving the attention that he's getting from her. And the mates that he has at work probably talk about her around him. If it were me, id first, be really depressed and angry about it, but being angry gives you the courage to do what you have to do. Imagine that you found out that she did somthing with your hubby or that she tried to....when you build up all that anger, go up to her when you see her with him again, wait till she's by herself and then tell her to back off of your husband...or you can play it safer and go on about how much you love your husband and that he's your best friend and that you'd be so devesated if something were to break you two up and that if that were the case you'd wanna get back 'physically' at the 'other' woman. Or you can make her feel guilty by saying that you'd physically hurt 'yourself' if you and ur hubby broke up. see wot she says. let me no wot u think of this.
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Rating: 5
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I really liked that you seemed to be really empathic to my situation, I have thought about confronting her, but i don't believe that it would do any good, she has 95% of the male workforce wrapped around her little pinky, and i don't even want to know what would happen to me if I lead on that i would hurt her, or myself. and though my husband, and her chose not to be more professional at work, I unfortunately can't be like that... I don't feel comfortable with expressing my affection for my boss, and i don't want to be labeled with special treatment because i am married to my boss... besides i am a painfully private person, and prefer to have work related conversations at work, and other conversations at home. but i did like your advice, and i would rate you higher, if i could. so thank you.
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