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Q: I am a 35/f whose teenage daughter has been living with her father for most of her life.

When her father and I divorced it was decided she would live there because I wasn’t financially stable enough to give her a comfortable year-round home but she has always spent most of the summer with me.

While things have changed a lot now. I make a good deal more money, pay child support and have a much more comfortable home for her. She’s decided she wants to move in with me for the rest of high school because the high school in my area has a much better art classes and several of her friends attend it.

I’m delighted of course, the thing is, she is afraid to tell her father about this decision. She says she’s mentioned maybe moving in with me before, and it’s upset him or he has taken it as a joke. She has asked me to come over and be with her as she discusses the move with her father.

So my question is: Should I be there while she tells her father she has chosen to live with me next school year? I want to be there for her, but I don’t want her father to feel threatened or ganged up on. Part of me thinks she is old enough to be able to talk to her dad about this herself (I’m sure he’ll be a bit hurt, but he isn’t an ogre or anything, he wont go nuts.) So I’m quite torn, please advise.

I have never found myself in this situation but my sister went thru this with my mom and dad when she was younger. I don't think that you should be there at first. I agree that he will feel threatened by this. I think that to much at once is a bad thing for this type of situation. And that he will feel you are there to insure that she moves in with you and there might be a fight. I think that she needs to sit down with him and express her feelings to move in with you. If i were her I wouldnt tell him that it was a fianl decision at the time but just so that she get get the conversation about the subject started. I would tell him that I had lived with him x amount of years and would like to spend the remaining time with my mother. She should bring up the invite at that time to have you 3 talk together about the situaiton to see how he will react. He will either disagree or agree. If he agrees then you can all 3 talk if he disagrees then if i were you I would have a sit down with him and tell him how you felt about it without her around of course. I think if you seperate it at first and invite together later or just talk in seperate parties there will be a better outcome. I hope this is of some help to you.