Gender: Female
Member Since: April 14, 2006
Answers: 7
Last Update: April 19, 2006
Visitors: 1725
|
| |
okay, so i know everyone says sex hurts. i can't even put in a tampon without it being painful... what if i have sex and it's EXTREMELY painful? what can i do? i'm not having sex ANY time soon at all... so no "omg don't have sex" talks, please.. but i'm just wondering because if i can't even put in a tampon without thinking i'm doing it wrong or it hurting, how am i even supposed to have sex??
thank youuu (link)
|
I will answer a bit based on some personal experience, although I will caution you in this: everybody's a little different, so what works for someone else might not work for you.
I won't make any guesses about your age/physical development, because there are plenty of grown women who have waited some years to have sex, either for religious reasons or simply because they did not find someone they were interested enough in having sex with or other reasons altogether. And for grown women, sex can hurt as well. But one can minimize this.
I'm going to assume here that you mean heterosexual penetrative sex, as in penis-into-vagina type sex.
And I think it's sensible of you to realize that a tampon is much smaller than a penis (at least, you hope so for the owner of the penis and yourself) and if that causes pain, what would a penis do to you?
So, a few tips:
1)Let the person you are planning to have sex with know that you have never had penetrative sex and that he should go easy.
There are some guys who will not take that well, either because they are jerks and just wanted some smooth easy sailing or because they are emotional cowards.
There are some guys who, while they can be quite physically gentle, have this idea that if they are any girl's 'first,' then that girl will get too attached to them and want to have a serious relationship with them.
So, to put it plainly, a guy who reacts badly to finding out that you have not had sex, is a guy who probably wants to fuck and run. While that is OK for some people, it may not be OK for you. You have to figure out what you want with the guy-- do you just want a nice sexual experience or are you already in a relationship and trying to move that relationship to the next level? Etc.
Here, it helps to know the guy well, because a guy who's just worried about hurting you might come off as 'reacting badly.' If he doesn't send normal vibes to you, talk to him to see why he's reacting badly.
If he doesn't react badly, then you're good to go-- onto Step 2:
2)I would recommend some foreplay and masturbation. If you don't already masturbate, I would suggest that you do so, getting yourself to the point where your body is producing natural lubrication. At that point, I would recommend gently inserting a finger in yourself and seeing how that would feel. A finger is soft and made of flesh, like a penis-- tampons are hard plastic, after all, so there will be a difference. You might be able to feel your hymen, if you push far enough. It is OK to push against it a bit, while lubricated, to loosen it up a bit, but don't push too hard the first time you do this.
Doing this for a few weeks before you plan to have sex would make things easier.
3)Have the guy you want to sleep with help here, too. See if he can bring you to climax with his finger(s) or, at least, provide some stimulation and also help loosen the hymen.
4)Don't be afraid to buy Lube. Buy a brand that is water-based, which will not degrade a latex condom. I recommend condoms for safe sex.
5)When you both feel ready, just let your feelings take over and don't be afraid to take it slow. He should know that given that there might be minor bleeding, he should go easy and not move like a battering ram at you. It is possible that neither of you will climax during this first attempt, but it can be a nice bonding experience and certainly a coming of age experience.
6)Re: minor bleeding-- this may or may not happen. It did not happen with me. But just in case, I would (if one were having sex in bed) lay a towel on the sheets where you two will be positioned just in case. Much easier to launder a towel than have to pull up all the sheets.
7)Relax while you are doing it. As in, relax your muscles. You know that while you pee, you can contract your pelvic floor muscles to stop the stream of pee and if you relax those muscles and let go, you can continue to pee?
Well, if the two of you are having trouble with his being able to fully insert his penis into you, then one thing to do is to relax the muscles and relax your body altogether. Tension makes everything a lot more difficult than it has to be.
8)Good luck!
Old Mongoose.
|
|