Where do I start? My mother divorced my step-father about two years ago. After she became involved with his best friend, the situation turned nasty. Currently, they are not on speaking terms.
About eighteen months ago, my mother also suffered a massive stroke, causing temporary brain damage as well as temporary paralysis. Her doctors call her recovery "miraculous," but she is less than thrilled. She tires easily, has trouble with stairs, and sometimes can not complete her own sentences.
A few months ago she left her boyfriend, and was forced to move in to her mother's house, where I also currently live. (I am twenty-two.)
She has regrets concerning the divorce, concerning her ex-boyfriend, and hates living in her mother's house. (They both have very strong personalities, and tend to clash often.) Her self-esteem is at an all time low, she feels like a child or invalid since her stroke. (She is also pre-menopause, and therefore extremely emotional.)
I have tried to provide as much emotional support as possible. I have told her that I believe she will fully recover, but that she has to work at it (something she keeps making excuses not to do.) I try to spend time with her, I try to listen and understand her problems. I try to boost her self-esteem.
I want her to be healthy. I want her to be happy. I want to be a loving and patient daughter. But my patience is wearing thin...
I find it harder and harder every day to spend time with her. I find it harder and harder every day to listen and understand. I feel guilty, as if what I am feeling is wrong...
I know that ultimately, only she can heal herself and make herself happy. I know that the relationship between her and my grandmother can only improve when they both a make an effort to listen and understand each other. But I still feel responsible for their happiness in some way. Like I should be contributing to it.
But I'm tired of contributing. I feel more like...Well, more like they are all making terrible messes, and I'm always the one that has to clean them up. I'm the one that has to play peace-maker and dry their tears.
And I am so tired...Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Am I really just an angry, selfish, immature twenty-something, as I have been suspecting all along? Is there something I could be doing to help that I haven't done all ready?
I don't mean to whine so, I just wanted to know...Honestly, is it natural to feel this way?
Okay, I've never been in half the situation your in, but I do know that your mom is the only person who can work to make herself recovery. No one can make, and your grandmother is probably stressed for a lot of the same reasons you are, haveing to help take care of your mom. Your mom shouldnt feel like shes helpless, shes not if she is breathing this air and can at least speak to a certain point after having a massive stroke, she should be thanking the lord, for blessing her. Everything happens for a reason, some things happen to pull people together some happen to pull them apart. Maybe you should all try seeing it from a different persepective, work together ALL of you not just you working to help them, tell them how you feel, even thought your mom is going through a hard time,doesnt mean you should take things out on your self, its not your fault, life just happens. I know its hard. But in the end God will take care of you and your family.
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(Rating: 4)
Thank you for your advice and for responding ;)
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