not_the_smart_mark's advice column

asknot_the_smart_mark

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: (this is the girl that asked the question about the girl doing drugs)
Well her parents are divorced and she lives with her mother and she is just like her. I mean her mom is never home and always gone out and partying. So she gets away with most of it. But also her mom knows about it and has asked me to keep talking to her. But the thing is,is that she wont listen to what I have to say. Her dad told her just not to long ago that he didnt love her anymore cause of the things she has been doing. I mean she has has a hard life growing up and I understand why she may wanna do that. But I dont wanna see her do down like that. Not when she is still this young. Please help! Thanx :D

Ach, I was afraid of that. Does she live with her mother or father? (I'm guessing mother, so I'll run on that assumption)

In that case I would definitely turn to the school counselor and beg him/her to put pressure on the girl's family, perhaps call them in for a talk or something. Tell the mother that you are not the best person to be trying to reason with her daughter; the two of you haven't been friends for some time now and anyway your words seem not to be working so well. Don't outright tell the mother that this is HER job to talk to her daughter, but when you talk to her, make it very clear that you leave the ball in her court and with the impression that she is the only person who can do anything. It's not terribly nice, but she needs to confront it, and if she's the kind of person to be out partying all the time, she'll probably never do that unless practically forced to.

I can only imagine that the girl has had a hard life; that's why a lot of people turn to drugs as a release. Sadly, it's going to be very difficult to convince her that this is an unwise lifestyle, because from the looks of things, she really doesn't have many people that she can honestly talk to about her problems (noncommital mother, absent father, and friends that are probably all drug abusive as well). Somehow she's going to have to be convinced to put her faith in people again and start talking about things instead of smoking/shooting them away. It sounds like you would be excellent for this, but again, you are not close to her at the moment, and so your direct involvement, especially like this, would come off as a kind of savior complex, which she would reject immediately. I suggest you try to "convert" one of her friends and then the two of you make the initiative to sit down with her sometime and have a long talk (though not in a deathly serious way that would put her on guard - just invite her over to one of your houses for pizza and a night of chick flicks or something). Remember that you don't want to come off being too grave because then you don't seem honest, and you definitely are honest and want to seem honest in order to get through this. Hope for the best!

Rating: 5

YAY!! I am glad that you helped me out. Thats why I asked you. =D I knew you would give me something good!! So thankyou very mucho grande! =P I am for now on coming to you for advice! YAY!

-hanna

bio

Hey, I'm Mark. I'm 18, smart, a mild smoker, usually quiet, romantic, old-fashioned, unemotional, gay, and a FY college student. I know Latin and Greek. In the summers (when I'm not hanging out with friends having crazy unhealthy amounts of fun) I've been a camp counselor for... five years now. This summer will be my sixth. I don't enjoy preaching to people, but I do enjoy giving people advice and generally helping them out, and I've been told that I'm good with it, so when I found this site, I thought I'd give it a whirl. Thanks to all who appreciate it :)

(And yes, I know that picture makes me look like a blithering idiot. Live with it. It's the only picture I have of me smiling :P)