Let experience be your guide.....my experience! If you want serious advice from an adult go ahead....ASK away! With extraordinary interpersonal skills, I will respond to your questions respectfully, and give practical solutions and reasonable answers.
Gender: Female
Location: Texas
Occupation: teacher
Member Since: June 9, 2004
Answers: 86
Last Update: May 20, 2006
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Iwas under the wrong impression that a guy that I am friends with at the gym liked me. I asked him out for coffee and he didn't tell me right then and there that he has a girlfriend. He phoned me and told me after a week and a half. The reason why he didn't say anything sooner was because he felt it was too personal a subject to discuss at work, and that he could get into trouble for getting involved with someone in the gym (he is a gymnist). When he told me he had a girlfriend and things where quite serious,it hit me like a ton of bricks. Now I'm realy embarassed to even face him at the gym. He says we will always be friends but I've lost face. In my own eyes it looks like I'm the desperate girl that asks for dates and then gets rejected. I should never have asked him out at all. How am I going to face him like nothing happened? I feel realy bad and uncomfortable. Tell me what I should do in facing him. Maybe I should ignore and avoid any contact with him. I'm embarassed. Barbie. (26yr female) (link)
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I can understand that you feel embarrassed about the mixup. However, the positive side is twofold:
a) This guy feels flattered that you asked him out and no harm is done.
and
b) Now you know that when you do ask a guy out for coffee (which is a GREAT idea!), you can preface it with, "Would you like to go have coffee, that is if it won't make your girlfriend jealous". Then he will come back with either, "I don't have a girlfriend" or "I'd like to, but I am seeing someone." This way, he will either accept or he can gracefully decline and no hard feelings.
You can still smile and say a friendly "hello" to this guy without feeling embarrassed, because he was a gentleman to call back and be honest with you. He will realize that you know he isn't available, so when you have contact with him, treat him like you would anyone else.
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Rating: 5
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You are so right, I never thought about asking a guy out like that. It's brilliant. Thank you for your whole answer, you took a weight off me.
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