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Member Since: February 24, 2004
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Last Update: March 5, 2004
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I am a 21 year old female and I have been with my 26 year old boyfriend for 4 years now. We are in love (at least I think he is still in love with me.) In four years he has done more for than anyone would do for just a 'girlfriend'. I love him more than anything in the world but last year I was supposed to move in with him but the day before he told me we shouldn't which left with another year lease at my apartment. Now we are supposed to move in together this fall. Im wondering if he will change his mind again. If he does should I break it off? Another thing is that I am ready to get married and him being 26 should at least start thinking about it. He keeps telling me to be patient. But how long am i supposed to wait? I don't want to be unmarried forever. Please help. (link)
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I know, from experience, that its tempting for some of us to let others take over our lives and decisions. In the(approximate) words of Dr. Phil,"we teach others how to treat us". You are teaching this guy that its OK to wait, to change his mind, come and go at his leisure. His "violations" likely will worsen if you don't take some action and set some boundaries. Its not too late.. There are ways to gain back some of that personal power you're giving away,ways to retrain this guy. Think about it. What advice you give your very best friend if she came to you with this issue? Breaking it off is an option,but lets not be quite so hasty. Let him know that YOU have been thinking about it, and decided that YOU want YOUR OWN space until you're in a committed relationship with someone(and SAY someone) Follow through NO MATTER WHAT YOU FEEL, or HE SAYS and so on. Keep what you say short and to the point and DO NOT ARGUE!! YOU MUST START STANDING YOUR GROUND-and this is achieve thru talk and made clear thru ACTION! I know its scary and a risk, but this is the way you'll become a stronger person and find out if this guy is serious and worth any more of your precious time. Look at the ways guys act. They're mostly ACTION.. This is their "language". Give guys "guyspeak"-ACTION. You are young,however, you do not have time to waste(at any age) on insincere people. Be brave-follow through-take ACTION-then, let me know what happens-Insight2020
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