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I aim to give you solid advice on your problems. I don't sugarcoat things and I'm always straight up. Don't come asking for what you want to hear as I always give the truth even if you don't want it because it's what you need and the only way to grow.
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Last Update: October 21, 2014
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does sex for the first time hurt? does it hurt just the first time or every time? and is there a way to prevent the pain if it is painful? (link)

Some women experience a bit of pain and or discomfort that usually but not always stems from thrusting, insertion of the penis (penetration) and or friction from thrusting. It does not hurt each and every single time out.

The best thing to do is engage in foreplay with your partner before attempting intercourse as a woman's vagina should always be wet with loads of lubrication that she usually secretes naturally when aroused right before sex.

This lubrication allows for easier penetration and thrusting and eliminates some of the discomfort a woman may experience during sex the first and subsequent times.

In the event you do not secrete enough natural lubrication you can purchase a water-based lubricant from any drugstore that will serve to help you here.


ok so i was getting fingered and (ive never been fingered before by the way) it really hurt. Like it felt good because we were in the moment but it still hurt. I had to tell him to stop a few times just because i needed a break. is there something wrong with me?

k thanks. (link)

There is nothing wrong with you or your genitals. It sounds as though your boyfriend was too enthusiastic and may have been doing this for the first time just like you were.

It's evident he is rubbing, pressing etc. too hard and too rough. Often guys will do this as they have no idea about female anatomy and how it works or what to do when pleasing a girl in this manner. They're often clueless and more or less just happy you allowed them to touch you in this manner.

Guys often are too rough because they treat their penis and other parts of their genitalia very rough during masturbation etc. What you need to do is communicate to your boyfriend before, during and after where you want to be touched, how rough or hard and guide him through it so he knows what to do next time.

Fingering should never hurt you. It's meant to be very pleasurable. If it starts to hurt he's doing it wrong and too hard and rough.


I've been watching porn on TV for the past couple of nights. Not the whole thing but just segments. Im 16/f by the way. I've never had sex, or even kissed. Im feeling pretty ashamed by it. Does anyone else watch it? Is it a common thing for teens? (link)

You are a healthy and normal teenage girl who just happens to be curious about something you have never experienced and what it looks, sounds and feels like.

Many teens both male and female have looked at pornographic images or films on TV and it never killed them. It's nothing to get upset, worried or ashamed about. It's normal curosity about sex. Even if you were turned on by it that's okay too and cannot hurt you.

The thing is these films are meant for adults and not teens or heaven forbid kids who may stumble on them. My advice would be to stop watching and find something else to do late at night if you are awake.

I know you'll stop but Your parents might want block out movie channels and PPV stations with their remote before turning in to keep younger siblings out as well as anyone without the code. It protects kids and yourself too.


Well wen i was 10 i was raped and all of my friends know well one of my friends told me that she wants 2 get raped(she's a virgin)just so she doesn't have 2 be the only virgin in our cliqué and so she stays on her myspace talking 2 perves im scared 4 her she says on monday she is going 2 meet somebody and im scared she is going 2 get raped and that the person is going 2 kill her so i need advice fast before i might not ever see her again (link)

This is pretty bizarre behavior let alone strange dialogue she is having with you and others. It's in your best interest to do two things here.

The first thing to do is let your family know what happened to you at age 10 and the circumstances and who did it as your letter makes me think you haven't. This part is important so the bastard who raped you doesn't go after other girls and there are more victims.

The second thing to do is tell your parents what your friend said and about her hanging out on line with perverts and that she said she was meeting someone from online she never met on Monday.

They'll call her family and work it out. If you have a trusted adult, older sibling, aunt, uncle, teacher, therapist tell them about it Monday morning anonymously and have them contact her family as she might even need psychiatric help (I'm not kidding) considering her mentality and those remarks.

Normal teens don't make those statements or joke or take rape lightly even hoping to be raped themselves? Does that sound at all normal? Don't worry about her or anyone getting pissed for doing this either as it has to come out to adults.

She'll appreciate it in the end as someone needs to save her ass as meeting a pervert alone from online is horrible news to hear from her. So, log off now and tell an adult you trust immediately. That's the only advice anyone will give you here repeatedly as it's the right advice.


okay this is kinda weird, but... my little sister doesnt know about masturbation. well i think she kinda knows that guys do it, but she doesnt know that girls can do it too. i feel like she should know about it, but theres no way i could even mention it to her. but she likes to read, so i was thinking i could get her a book that would talk about it. does anyone know of any books that cover that topic? not one of those "all about your body" kind of books (she wouldnt read that), but like a story/novel for teenage girls that just happens to have that in there somewhere. so she could read about it and get the idea for herself. (link)

You should get her either from the library or a bookstore What's Happening To My Body both editions one for boys one for girls to help her understand all of this. She needs to know what boys go through as well. The author is Lynda Madaras.


14/f becoming a freshman

Well this is kinda 2 questions. Sorry. Anyways my first question is now that im getting into HS i dont know how im going to have an actual relationship with a guy because i cant date till im a senior. My older sister (leaving for college) wasnt aloud to date till she was a senior and is trying to convince my mom and dad to let my brother and i date at least when we are4 a sophmore because my brother will be a junior. She told them no one wanted to date her then and shes never had a real bf. I dont know whats gonna happen. I was thinking about it and there are alot of resturants up the street from school and people go down there so i was thinking we could do that but im not really sure.

Next question is im beginging to feel more and more left out about not having a bf when all my other friends have. A guy has never asked me out before and people tell me im pretty and that i have such a good personality and yet there is nothing. I hate watching a show or a movie and that person is on a date or is having her first kiss because i want that so bad. Like a few minutes ago im watching this TV show and the girl is going on dates and is kissing and im talking to my best friend (who has a bf and kissed) and im talking to her you know what its like i dont. I just feel so left out. I hate imagining about it and thinking about it because i get so depressed about it. only 2 guys have liked me. 1 in 7th and one in 8th. but they never told me but i knew. i had that gut feeling but they both got back with there ex girlfriends. I feel hopless and im getting braces and i i have no idea how im gonna kiss or make out with braces without cutting the guy. i just want a guy that will walk with me to class talk on the phone, makes me laugh. i had some self esteem issues in 7th grade and now everything is back to normal and i think im pretty again but i feel all the bf/ kissing thing is blowing up in my face. i like pray to God to help me but i just cant take it anymore. i want to know. people say its not all that but i wanna find that out for myself. please help me.
thanks. (link)

Sorry for my tardiness in gettig back to you. It has been quite a busy week. So, here we go with your answers.

1) Do you have an aunt or adult your parent's value the opinion of and always trust? You need someone other than your sister to twist their arms to see that you are a good kid, not someone who is going to make bad mistakes ie have sex and get pregnant etc.

This person should tell them that most kids your age date and that they cannot expect you to have to wait until you are 18-years-old as that's way beyond unrealistic.

Find someone who will champion for your rights that is an older adult such as a teacher, grandparent, aunt, friend of your family.

Tell them to start with "do you think so and so is kissing boys yet?" and joke about it and then start attacking in a playful manner them being too old fashioned and that you should be allowed to.

You could get a guidance counselor or teacher point out that you being forbidden to associate with boys until age 18 negatively affects your development and seperates you from your peers and people your age. Teachers and guidance counselors are on your side.

2) Relax about not having had a boyfriend or a kiss yet. The more you keep pushing for it the harder it is to find someone or them to find you. If you know someone likes you tell them you like them and about your situation and meet up in groups at the movies etc and work on building a relationship.

First boyfriends and kisses just happen when you aren't even looking. You have to step up your flirting, approach guys you like and let them know you're there and interested. Go to a lot of parties, hang out in groups and you'll meet the right guy.

Trust me, God listens. He may not give you a boyfriend (poof) but he does give you opportunities to meet one or to be in a situation where they come to you. Don't dispair as people start dating either in their teens or some in their 20s and you can be any age to have a first kiss.

Remember it's not a competition. Stop trying to make it happen as it all comes on it's own. It's unfoldment. Wait and see what God has in store for you as you haven't given things time to naturally progress.

The braces issue is no big deal as a lot of kids have them and kiss up a storm with their boyfriends/girlfriends. I've never known of anyone who cut their tongue because their partner has braces. You kiss like normal and if you need to make a few minor adjustments you'll be fine.

You'll have all these things for yourself soon but need to relax about this and go about your normal routine as guys can see you are tense or appear wound up and yes even needy of them. The sooner you stop worrying, act normally and get in there and approach guys you'll be fine.



i dont really pay attention to ratings because i just started but i gave someone a detailed answer and he gave me a 3. its not so much his rating its his comment:
Thank you for your answer. I would give you a 4 but you didn't capitalize. Otherwise it was a good answer.
what does capitalizing have to do with anything? (link)


It sounds like this person is a jerk or was being one to say the least about them. If you feel he/she rated you unfairly which they of course did the best thing to do is file an abuse report and let a moderator handle things and bump your rating up.

So what if you didn't capitalize something. It happens to all of us who write e-mails, forum postings etc. or type fast. That's normal. I can understand though if it were riddled with mistakes, grammar errors and or Internet lingo like bff etc. making it harder to read.

The bottom line is you need to fill out an abuse report with the link to the question and as much other details you can give and allow a L2 moderator to check it out and bump the rating to a 5 if they feel it deserves it.


can a girl get pregnat from doing anal sex? (link)

This one has been asked quite frequently and answered a lot. It's okay that you asked as it's a legitimate question. The answer is no because you need vaginal intercourse for pregnancy and the anus and vagina are two completely different orifices as you already know.

Now, there is some debate however, about semen dripping down to the vaginal opening etc. but I don't put much stock in that having never heard of anyone who became pregnant that way. Not saying it cannot happen just very cautious to accept or give that info as it could be wrong.

So, to reiterate the answer's really no because the vagina and anus are totally different and only vaginal intercourse can lead to an egg being fertilized and a person becoming pregnant.


ohh kay so like jocky outgoing guys are always telling about how the whack off and stuff. do shy guys? i heard it was like a personal need of guys to like have really high hormones. so im just wondering if shy guys are all into that? (link)

There is a medical article in the Wikipedia Online Encylopedia that is technical and non-graphic on masturbation and frequency when it comes to the two sexes and on age and other characteristics which you may find answers this question you posted better than anything else http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masturbation#Masturbation_frequency.2C_age_and_sex

The short answer to your question is that whether they are shy or not guys are just as sexual when it comes to masturbation but with anything else the jocks hold the advantage because of their confidence, arrogance, image and all of those things and attract women and sex partners better than a shy person could.


where can i see the movie Thirteen online? (link)


It is actually much better that you rent it from Blockbuster or buy it from Best Buy than try to find it online. The first reason is due to film piracy. The online versions you download are actually stollen and usually copies of a legit copy or filmed directly off the screen.

They almost always having grainy picture, poor sound and or people heard talking if it's taken off the screen and bad picture. Further more whether it's an online or bootleg of a movie that just came out or has been out for a long time neither the actors, director, anyone with the film have been paid royalties.

This may not matter to you as a teeanger but it does to the industry and drives up the price of movie tickets, rentals, any DVD you buy as it's a billion dollar rip-off operation all around the world.

Next, viruses are often hidden with the film you download that automatically execute before you even know it once you play the film. My recommendation is that you rent Thirteen or buy it if you enjoy it so much or have yet to see it as it's a brilliant film and you are getting the best copy that exists.

Having said that a lot of people are downloading films over bit torrent and programs like it. While I cannot stop you from doing that at least I answered your question and gave you reasons pro/con for trying or not going ahead and downloading it.


my health teacher said we all have some kind of mental disorder? what? can someone help explain or back her up on this? (link)

That's an odd remark for a teacher or anyone to make about a group of people. you should let your folks know he/she said it and see what their reaction is.

There is no way to tell what context this person meant it in unless confronted by parents and students. Nobody can back her up on this either.

My hunch is he/she was frustrated with the class and said "you all must have some kind of mental disorder." I don't know though as I wasn't there to hear it. Talk to your parents and have them, fellow teachers, principal and students get her to justify her remarks.


okay so i'm 14 years old and i am really in need of a job this summer. i've applied at 3 mcdonalds that said they weren't in need of help so macdonalds is a no. i have an oppurtunity to babysit too but i really don't want too, so if you could help give me ideas of places that hire 14 year olds or a good job search website it'd help me tons :]

oh please don't say cutting grass or anything like that please

thanks
-hannah- (link)


You should try your local movie theaters or theaters as the case may be. They will hire people your age to work mostly cleaning theaters, tearing tickets while those 16+ will be handling box-office and concessions usually. I'm going strictly by the movie theater I worked at from 2001-2002 but it's pretty much the same everywhere.

What you would do is phone first and ask to speak to a manager and introduce yourself over the phone and ask about what they may be able to offer and try and get an appointment to see him or her.

You can also go in person and ask for a manager and talk to them when they come out to talk to you and see if they have something they can hire you for then and there.

This is your best bet for a job. You can try Burger King, Subway, Taco Bell etc etc. but your chances of getting hired there are slimmer due to your age as some people won't let someone your age handle anything to do with money changing hands and might just stick you in the back cooking, taking drive thru orders or whatever.

Definitely try the movie theaters in your area. There's nothing wrong with babysitting though as it's great money if they keep inviting you back. Make sure you learn CPR as it's a vital skill to have when babysitting.


what happens to your body after you loose your virginity (to a girl)?

this is what i heard:
you gain weight
you get flab on your stomache
your legs get spread open because of the vagina

so what happens? (link)

None of the things you mentioned above happen to either males or females. Physically you are completely the same person you were going in as you are coming out. Emotionally you will change and feel closer to your partner.

As far as mentally goes your personality will always be the same but you may come out of the experience more mature. What bothers me is the fact you were given this information by someone and made led to believe it as fact.

Do you have a trusted adult preferably female to talk to or an older sibling about these matters? I would talk to them from here on out about sexual messages as your friends don't have all the facts from the looks of things and you need someone that does.

This kind of misinformation can be especially dangerous depending on what sexual matter your friends or others who told you this are talking to you about. You need access to facts.


okkk so basically there are two guys that like really like me... and i like both of them.
one of them is paul, who just came to our school a month before it ended, whereas the other brandon ive known for like yeaarss
anyways paul: every one basically hates him because hes pretty jackassy. and hes full of himselfff (because hes REAALly attractive!) but, he is soo sweet to me its not even funny. we always talk on the phone, and hes just really nice to me. also, we get along, because i make similar jokes as him, such as "i'm more attractive then them so they shouldn't be talking to me that way." (if that sounds concieted, i promise its not) anyways we have great chemistry, and hes asked me out quite a few times, but i dont want to go out with him because of his reputation. lately, we've been hanging out everyday, and im seeing him tomorow etc.
brandon: this year i made out with him, before i met paul. then we kinda became friends with benefits. anyways brandons sooo funny, and also hot, but i would never go out with him because hes not the boyfriend type
anyways, so basically brandon considers me his propertyyyy.... and now i also made out with paul. brandon hasnt yet found out that i made out with him, and if he did he'd probably be hurt.
but i like brandon and paul ONLY AS friends with benefits, but i still dont know what to do in this is situation... HELP?!
(link)

The first person who acts like a smartass and half his age unless he's with you is the wrong choice for love but fine for a close friend. Trust me, you'll be dealing with his arrogance, selfishness and every jackass element about him at some point and constant fights as he cannot hide that. It will come out as that is exactly who he is.

You're into him (and trust me I can sense) because of his reputation and bad boy image. You like most girls/women are turned on by it. Once you get with him permanently you will see that he's not the sweetheart he appears to be now.

This is the BS bad boys use to sucker every girl in. Be his friend and be close to him but don't date him as it will not be a fun experience.

The thing that bothers me and should bother you about guy # 2 is that he considers you his property or trophy even and is territorial already when it comes to you and you're not even dating him yet. This is usually signs of a very controlling person and someone domineering.

Expect a power struggle in your relationship and him always asking what you are doing, where, with whom as he's insecure.
I would say to date him but proceed cautiously though and maybe even put him in his place and tell him your not his property and if you pull that shit while dating you're gone.

He sounds like the better person of the two frankly if you had to choose one. As far as the making out goes it's innocent and really none of his business unless you were dating him and cheated which you didn't.

He nor anyone else can fault you for it as you were not attached to anyone and needed to figure out who you liked and experiment a little. It's not like you're being slutty--far from that.

The whole friends with benefits thing doesn't work really for anyone when you think about it. Once sex enters the picture and neither wants to commit to a relationship someone gets let down hard and it's usually the girl who suffers most. End that arrangement now.

When or if you decide to date him and have a commitment you can bring sex back into the mix as you know his heart is with you and you are not going to get hurt.

If this were me I would throw both fish back into the lake and find other choices as there's a lot of bad personality traits happening here. However, if you choose anyone it's guy # 2 as he's a little more mature and responsible which is what you really need in a relationship. Guy # 1 is more the type to have as your goofy smartass pal.



I was just wondering why are girls so uptight bout admitting that they masterbate cause guys are open about it...thanks (link)


My theory is that guys talk about it more and own up to it because they have had access to their penis since day one and more or less rather instantly figured out what it did and what felt good. It's a non-sexual thing with toddlers, babies etc. and becomes linked to something sexual usually in the teen years.

Girls on the other hand don't have access to their genitals like boys do because a lot of it is internal with the exception of the vula, clitoris and all of that. They may also have been taught that nice girls don't and not to talk about it etc. or that it was dirty or whatever.

In reality from the stats I've read I believe its 55% of women masturbate and 90% of men. There may be a higher of girls/women who do but they just don't talk about it. Girls are more discreet usually.

Also, it is kind of embarassing to admit to something like that especially if you think you're weird or the only girl among everyone you know that does and you don't want others to know.

I think it just boils down to confidence about your body or lack their of and being afraid of what others think or just wanting outright privacy as let's face it it's private and solitary thing. Just my theory for what it's worth.


Okay, these girls that stabbed me in the back, started rumors, & talked about me behind my back & I don`t want to have anything to do with them. Plus, my mom wants me to not even be in the same room with them cause I was crying for basically a week cause of them.

One of them told one of my actual friends that they were going to throw me a surpise birthday party since I couldn`t have one. I`m having one ... I`m just not inviting them, so I told them I wasn`t even having one. I blocked their screen name, phone number, e-mail ... everything. The thing is, they live in my neighborhood. So if they come to my house, how do I get out of going to this thing? (link)

You don't have to go anywhere you don't want to go. If they show up looking to take you anywhere based on how badly they were treating you tell them "I'm sorry you went to the trouble of doing this/stopping by but my family and I were on the way out to celebrate my birthday just now." conclude "thank you for being so considerate (even if they aren't) and I'll see you at school."

That's a classy way of showing them where things stand and not letting them think you are scared or they have that affect on you. You made a HUGE mistake though in blocking their e-mails, screen name and phone numbers.

Why? You just might need any/all e-mails, IM conversations, dates and times of calls/threats/harassment should things esclate further. It proves to your school, teachers, yes even olice if they won't stop harassing you exactly what they've been doing.

It won't happen but if these people showed up and came into your house uninvited while nobody else is there you could call to have them asked to leave your property which is your right but you would need a damn good reason and a lot of proof before doing so.

Just have your foot in the middle of the door between you and them so you can easily keep them back and close the door should they insist you go with them or want to talk with your parents etc.

You'll be fine but in the meantime, I want to suggest that you take self-defense courses as well as a bit of counselling to figure out how to combat people like those and defuse the situation and end the rumors and backstabbing.

One great tip I have learned is to "consider the source of the rumor" If the people know nothing about you don't let it upset you. Ask yourself "Are they jealous of me, my talents, social status etc" and "Are these people from a broken home or some kind of situation where they crave constant attention?

Are these people poor students and I'm a great student that teacher's single out? That's a prime reason as it's called professional jealousy (even if you're in a school) and it's where someone or a group of people go after a high acheiver or performer on the job because they secretly long for what you have and dispise you because you've got it or it seems easy for you and hard for them.

Also really ask yourself if you may have inadvertently offended one of them or pissed someone off. most likely you haven't. You also need to think this "If they called me a purple urkle would it bug me? no it wouldn't because that's silly.

It's the same thing here as their rumor has the same weight of them calling you a purple urkle. The only power it has is if you react which allows for others to see that and bother you. No matter how much a rumor may sting or have a level of truth be stoic.

Once they see they cannot get you they'll move on as attention is what they thrive on. It's like an addiction for them because nobody ever gives them positive attention elsewhere


what do you write for the introduction? i can never think of how to start. what is an attention-grabber? how would i make one? (link)

I can give you help with writing an essay no problem as I write articles, columns and other things regularly having taken journalism instruction.

None of us on Advicenators can help you write anything including an introduction, an attention grabbing lead or even how to start without knowing your subject of the essay, points you need to make etc.

Leads, second paragraphs, conclusions aren't something we can teach you to write without knowing what the essay is about because the organization and writing of those things differs each and every essay.

If i see what you are supposed to write about I can easily help you structure it and provide tips to follow but I must warn cannot help you write it after doing that as the teacher wants your opinion and writing style to shine through.

I know you know that but a lot of people ask us for help with homework and expect us to generate all the answers and not learn it and execute it themselves.


okay so this kid named jon who i am friends with kept telling me over aim that he liked me, blah blah, but i didnt like him. i told him that, and was really sad. obviously i felt bad so i waslike 'it's ok we can be best friends!!' and he waslike 'do best friends ever hook up ?" and i just laughed it off and told him it depended on who it was. but probably not in this case.

we've flirted for a while and i realize that i really do like him. the last time he told me he liked was was two days before i told him that i liked him back. now when we talk its like REALLY akward and i feel like we talk about nothing...like "hey how are you good, you?" but we dont ever talk about how i said i liked him back...and i dont know why.

i was thinking he was shy or something but if he is then why did he so willingly tell me how much he liked me before i told him back?

thanks for whatever advice you have (link)

He is obviously not shy. If he were shy he would never have had the courage even over the Internet to tell you how he felt the first time. That's something that takes a lot of courage in some people to do.

I think he is confused. You told him you wanted to be friends and nothing more and turned him down. Now, you have reversed that and told him you like him and he's not sure how to handle it.

He may even feel snubbed that you told him no the first time and now you want to be with him. He might not want to give you a chance because of this and that he fears or doesn't want to get hurt by you again.

He may have flirted with you for awhile but ultimately has backed off. You should talk to him about this face-to-face in a quiet spot and explain that as you got to know him you realized you genuinely like him and find him to be a great catch and are not BSing him there. Tell him you need to know where you stand.

This is the only way to move beyond the awkwardness with him and figure out if you ar friends, something more or nothing at all. You have to talk to him and leave it in his court to decide what he wants. He's probably just scared and needs reassurance he's not going to be hurt.


what are some good excuses to say i dont want a boyfriend
cuz i like this guy and he asked me out two weeks ago, and i said ask me later, but now he did again this morning.
so what are some nice ways to say no? because i like this guy a LOT, i just really, truly dont want a boyfriend
kaaayyy thanks! (link)


Tell him the truth. Let him know you really like him but before you start dating anyone you become friends first and develop a relationship from that.

Let him know that right now your schedule and life are very hectic and it would not be fair to start a relationship for him because you are not ready or wanting to do so with anyone. Make sure you include him in your activities as a friend would and tell him you will see what happens over time.

This way you aren't kicking him below the belt when you say no and you leave things open for the future. It is a classy way of handling it.


how can i get myself to STOP masturbating.
any ideas are great.
15.f. (link)

Like the others said why stop something that is normal, healthy and you get a lot of pleasure from? masturbation is not sinful, dirty or shameful. In fact statistics I've read say that rougly 55% of females of all ages masturbate and 90% of males.

The number for females may be on par or close to males because girls simply don't talk or admit to it as they like to be discreet about it. You're fine and in good company. Trying to quit is ultimately always fruitless.

You need will power as well as the ability to distract yourself with another activity to take the place of masturbation when you think of doing it. Once again why bother?




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