ask karenR

read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators

I have gone from younggrandma to just yg. Now,
I am using my real name.
I don't think anyone who knows me will have trouble figuring out who that is!

I have been gone a while dealing with things in my own life. I am back now to help once again. Do not expect answers from me that just tell you what you want to hear. Life is to short for nonsense. :)
Website: advicenators forum
Gender: Female
Location: KANSAS
Occupation: Homemaker,EMT, ER worker, Medical assistant
Member Since: March 4, 2005
Answers: 10036
Last Update: April 15, 2015
Visitors: 488341

Favorite Columnists

16/f Three years ago I was sexually abused by my boyfriend. Since then I haven't dated anyone. Over the past four months I have come to really really like this guy. He asked me out the other day and I said yes. Now I feel weird about it. Frightened, awkward... We haven't seen each other since I said yes. And I still feel weird about it. I'm confused and unsure of what to do :/ Thanks for the help ahead of time. (link)
As hard as it is just remember he is not the guy who abused you. Give him a chance. Once you feel you can trust him with it, let him know you were abused by a former boyfriend. He needs to know why you will probably get nervous & upset should he try to move things along to fast. You need to take things slow and really get to know him before you take things to that level.

Best of luck. :)

So there is this boy that I have a crush on. We met in August and became pretty close quick. I'm almost positive he was interested in me. Unfortunately it kinda fizzled out and I think it was because I was trying to play hard to get which did not work as planned. How do I spark things up again and get him to realize that I wasn't trying to avoid him? It was just a failed attempt to flirt. Thanks!! (link)
Tell him straight up you were playing hard to get & you think you may have done to good of a job of it.

Honestly is always the best policy. Good luck!

My dad wasn't home ... My dog ate my Reese's peanut butter cup is he going to die he is a Yorker and is 1 year old. (link)
Chocolate is not good for dogs and it can kill them if they eat enough of it. I think your dog will be ok. Just remember to keep chocolate out of reach in the future. Here is a web page that has symptoms to watch for just in case. If he is doing ok now though I would say he will be fine.|pcrid|8495885815|pkw|[keyword_text|pmt|b&gclid=CL-koIXJubQCFcaiPAodGT8Aow#.UNu2z6w4eSo


Okay, well me and D (the guy I like) have liked each other for 4 years now. But, we haven't actually dated. A year ago he moved away like 4 hours away. He does keep saying we will date “soon”. I ask him why not now he says the distance and he's scared? I'm willing to date him when we live this far away... Why isn't he? Is it natural for him to be scared of distance or no? Why would he be scared? (link)
Hes probably scared & doesn't want to do the long distance thing because it usually doesn't work.

At 15 you should be going to school dances and having fun. You should be dating many different people until you find the right one for you. D may be the right one for you. If so, you will find one another again when the time is right.

It sounds like you have an awesome 4 year friendship so far. Keep that up, but also have fun where you are with those around you. He is politely telling you that he is going to be doing that too.

I know you hate to hear it, but, 15 is to young to be in a serious committed relationship. Have fun & you guys will be together one day if its meant to happen.

Ok so I'm 25, I'm a female, and pretty much I'm in love with a guy that isn't aware of my existence at all...
We are both from different states,
I first spotted him on Myspace, to facebook, and even twitter...
I thought he was the cutest guy ever, but I'll never
approach a guy, so I just like watched him, from the way he interacts with his friends, I love looking at his pictures, and judging from them he has a sense of humor out of this world.
Like he's the most gorgeous man I've ever laid eyes on, I love the way he dress, he's swag is out of this world...
Not to mention he's a business man, has he's own website, highly out going
Ugh I could go on forever...

So here's this I know I might sound in over my head, but I'm just that hopeless romantic type girl, like I'm the chick who believes in soulmates...
And for some reason I can't get this guy outta my mind.
I want to say something, but I just can't work up the nerve...
I even planned to fly to his city to just see him in person, but even in person I will never have the nerve to even say anything...
I mean, I'm a pretty young lady, I always get approached by men...
But I just want him, or at least a shot...

I'm reaching out to strangers Cuz I could never tell any of my friends, even family this...

What do you think about my situation?? (link)
I think you need to get out into the real world and stop living in a fantasy one.


You do not know this man. He could be a character made up by someone. Saw that on TV just today. Even if he is a real person, he lives a life in another city with friends & people you don't even know. There is more to people than just what they look like, or how they sound like they might be online.

Do NOT fly to where he lives. That might be considered stalking. Get out and about in your own town with friends and find a real guy. Don't wsste any more precious hours on this guy who only lives in your computer.

I am a 14 year old girl and in the 8th grade. My family is very religious. My sister got straight A+'s in every year of school and college. I am trying to do my best but my mom says that im not trying at all. Whenever I ask her if she wants to do something with me she says she is busy but when my sister asks she says ok.

One more thing is my mom doesnt let me do anything!!

I wanted to watch a movie called Hocus Pocus, and my mom said it has witches and magic, and the bible says to stay away from it. (She also got mad at me because I started singing the spell/song, from the movie. When i was 5!!

I wanted to watch Harry Potter but she said no because the bible says to stay away from wizards and magic, and vampires and wolves. I looked and it only said evil!

Today, I drew a charachters name from Harry potter and my brothers And my mom got mad at me.

They also moniter my Fb account and made me give them the password to my email and FB account.

I feel like my family hates me!!! What do i do??!!

Any and all advice is appreciated. Thank you! (link)
With everything that goes on in the world these days, having an overprotective mom might be a good thing. I don't think your family hates you. Not at all. They are just trying to protect you from things they think are bad for you. It can be real annoying if you are the kid though. I can understand that.

All you can do is your best as far as grades go. So do as best you can. Study & it will pay off one day.

Seems almost all of the popular movies out these days would fall into a category where your mom won't let you watch them. I guess there isn't a lot you will be able to do about that. Once you are older you can research & find a religion that better suits your beliefs if you don't like the one followed by your family. Until then, you will have to do your best to go along with what they want you to do.

I am a mother too and see nothing wrong with them having your passwords. I know that won't be the popular answer but a lot of kids get in trouble everyday online. Its sad but there are a lot of people out there who would take advantage of young teens. Go along with what they want. Use the internet in a responsible manner and they will probably ease up and give you more freedom to use it without watching your every move.

All in all I think they love you a lot! It won't be long before you will be on your own & watching & doing what you want. :)

he says daily he loves me but he has a girlfriend. Should I just leave or try to see if he will leave her? (link)
Leave. If he loves you he will end the other relationship for you. If he's just stringing you along he won't. I don't see much sense in letting him hurt you, which will just hurt worse the longer you let it go on this way.

He will not leave her if he can have his cake and eat it too.

I been with my boyfriend 4 months but before him I dated girls only I feel very confuse because I still like girls and i miss my gay life I love him but I'm not in love with him. (link)
You say you love him but aren't IN LOVE with him.
That could be he just isn't the right one for you.
Since you miss your old lifestyle though, it could mean you would rather be with girls.

The main thing is are you happy? Don't conform just to please other people. Be yourself.

he says he loves me we are having great sex, but i think he is already engaged to someone else but has not told me (link)
I think you should ask him before getting any more involved. Of course he could lie about it and probably will. You could just stop having sex with him and see how long he sticks around. Depends on how badly you want the truth out of him.

Once the sex starts they tend to like to keep that going as long as they can. Next time make sure you know the guy real well before having sex with him. There are guys out there who will lie to get what they want & then drop you like a rock.

I'm 18 and I'd like to learn something new, I really love all sorts of music and I'd love to be able to play the guitar. If I were to print out the tabs and music reading guide is it possible to teach myself? Any tips welcomed. (link)
Sure it is! I leaned to play clarinet that way back in school. All you do is practice, practice practice!

so i like this guy. he was in my school and passed out this year. i am a year junior to him so i'll pass out next year!
i have been talking to him for quite a while now.. and i really like him. he likes me too. he asked me out recently.(though we both are confused on what to do because.. the problem is he is going to another country :/ for his college! and yeah well he would come back to where i live cause his family is here, but still i mean i dont know what i should do?) (link)
You could date & just see what happens. Worry about the future when it gets here. Lifes to short. While he is gone you could both be free to date others if you wanted to. If its meant to be, it will be.

I am 13 and i am pregnant. I took a pregnancy test that I stole from a store and it was positive. I already know i am way to young for sex. But we did use a condom it just broke. I can't tell my mom because she doesn't even know that I like boys yet she still thinks that I think boys have cooties. Abortion is out of the picture 1. I can't afford it 2. I could never kill a child. But i am just so scared I didnt tell the dad yet and not my mom only my best friend. I don't know how to tell them so please just tell me what to do or give me potions or opinions but please don't lecture me on how stupid I am for having sex I will get that from my mom it has been 2 weeks. Thanks for the help (link)
I was older than you are when I had to tell my mom the same thing. She took it much better than expected. I hope your experience is the same.

You need to tell her. Just do it. There is no good way to do it at all. Please do not wait because you
need to be under the care of a doctor. Pregnancy
at 13 is a high risk pregnancy.

I am a 20 year old female. I was diagnosed with plaque psoriasis when I was seven. Most of the psoriaisis has been dormant for about 10 years. I got sick with Strep Throat in May, and it caused a flare up of the psoriasis. However, I was stupid and waited a month to go to a dermatologist. She wants to put me on Enbrel to help it. After reading the side affects, I'm really nervous about using it. But she said that young adults have had lots of success with it. Am I just being paranoid? Or do I have a reason to be worried? Have you used Enbrel for your Psoriasis? If so, please let me know how it has helped you. (link)
I have worked for doctors and can tell you for certain they know very little about the products they prescribe. I agree with Adviceman. Consult a
pharmacist about it and see what they have to say.

I personally will not take any "new" medications.
If it hasn't been around for 8-10 years I just will not use it. They rush to get things on the market these days and many people have died as a result of this. Since I have seen commercials for Enbrel, I assume it is new. This is just my personal rule.

All that being said, the decision is yours. All medications, all food you eat etc. has a list of
possible side effects, allergic reactions & all that. But I don't think you are being paranoid at all. People need to take more responsibility for themselves.

What you have to look at is where is the rash?
Is it something you can live with without meds?
Is it worth the risks involved?

I do live with a rash myself. I have angioma granuloma. I probably didn't spell it right. LOL.
It is on my arms. It doesn't itch. Doesn't look that great but I have decided to just ignore it.
It isn't going away anytime soon and my doctor gave me a lotion he says may or may not work.

So its up to you. They do have to list every single possible reaction one can have to any medication. That list shouldn't stop you from
using something helpful that makes your life better. But don't just take a doctors word for
it either. You did good looking it up. I do think I would ask for something that has been around a while. New doesn't equal better in the pharmaceutical world. Thats just my opinion. :)

My boyfriend and I had been together a year, were about to get engaged and get my ring, and sign the lease on a new apartment.

A week before we were supposed to move, he dumped me. There was no warning - he did not distance himself from me, two days before he showed up with a rose and a mocha. He'd been getting money out for moving, planning the move with me, talking about our future all the time.

The day before it happened, I told him I was still unhappy about the things I said a month ago (he freaked out on me off his meds) and that I didnt feel like he treated me like I was special. He also was going to have to take care of the first month rent alone, as my job hours were cut.

We had a great morning the day it happened, and then he spent 5 hours at work thinking about it, came back and dumped me in 30 minutes. He was mean, and angry, and emotionally not even there. He then was a jerk and bothered me all the next day about his stuff, finally was nicer and had coffee with me before I got him his stuff, where he spouted cliches.

He suffers from depression, and we've had issues for several months due to me trying to help him with his depression/mood swings issues. He once almost broke up with me before, but took everything back, sobbing and begging me to stay because he had not meant it, had been depressed and not meant it.

I admit to making the normal mistakes right after - I told him it was a mistake, tried to logically reason with him, told him how much I loved him and how i wouldnt get over him.

I even took responsability that was not mine. Anyway, after that I blocked him on facebook, and sent him an email saying no contact, and that he could email me if he changed his mind about the future.

He emailed back immediately with the same stuff about maybe one day he can be good for me or maybe one day we can be friends.

But the whole time, he is completely emotionally dead, the same way he was every time he went off his medication, like it was a stranger.

Its like hes having a meltdown. I'm moving on with my life, but I would have given him another chance. Will he ever realize what a horrible mistake hes made? He loved me so very much, and I did him. Want peoples opinions on everything, and if I've killed all chance of a reunion. (link)
He may realize he's made mistakes but, I doubt he will do anything about them. I know its difficult but you are better off without him. If Gunners scenario is true, then he certainly isn't ready for a full blown relationship.

He is a man with emotional problems. Just because he is on meds doesn't make them go away. Your biggest mistake was thinking you could "help" or fix him. You really can't.

Moving on as best you can is your best bet right now. You would have hated a life of walking on eggshells. You really would have.

the furthest we've gone is kissing but i want to go further and im not sure if he feels the same way because when we're kissing for along time he jumps up and says he needs to go to the bathroom and im like what the hell well anyways everyone including him thinks im sweet and innocent and im not really sure how to bring it up so please help (link)
You can talk to him about it. Thats what I would recommend you do.

It sounds like he is doing his best to be a gentleman. There sure isn't anything wrong with that either. Most guys would just maul you & not worry about your feelings very much.

It sounds like you have a good guy. He is trying not to rush things. He may have religious reasons
for wanting to wait or his own personal reasons.
Talking to him about it would be the best thing to do.

For the past few months I have been waking up every single night between 2-5am at least once, usually twice.

I find it difficult to go back to sleep again and as a result I constantly feel tired and when I wake up in the morning I never feel well rested.

What can I do? (link)
Do you get up when you wake or just lay there and think about how you won't be able to go back to sleep?

Try getting up. Drink some water and go back to bed.
If you lay there and stress out about it, sleep will be difficult. You could also try staying up half an hour longer before going to bed. Get some exercise during they day.

If that doesn't work then talk to your doctor about it. He or she may have a solution.

I can never go to the toilet, I can only go after alcohol , I have bad stomach acke all the time , full of gas , and my stomach feels like its tensing.on a night my stomach bloats to a size I look at leaste sik months pregnant, and carnt even breath out. My weight up and down I have a under active thyroid , I'm only 22 .it make me feel down .. After 4-7 days I start sicking my food up , find it hard to keep bit portions down ,, I each healthy and drink plenty of water ,
This only started 4 yrs ago after having a child however has got considerabley worse .. However when I go it not a strain it normal ..
You need to see a doctor. Call and make an appointment today. If you can't afford that go to a clinic or something. Don't suffer like this because it will only get worse. Then it will cost even more.

Seriously, call and see a doctor. This is not normal.

OKay so I wont take long I am senior and in the 12th grade and there is this new admission in my school he is in the 11th grade
he is cute and i kinda want to get to know him
but the problem is i am a senior.. and it would be really weird just walking upto him and saying HIIII and conversing
that sort of stuff cant happen
i mean you know i am fairly popular in school and my friends notice. and i know the 11th grade people quite well
and i dont want stupid stuff going around school
this guy is really cute and i really think he might just turn out to be my type
but i dont know how i get to know him!!!!!!! (link)
Sorry I've taken so long in answering, I haven't been able to log in!

I say go say hi. Really, seniors should be welcoming to new people in the school.

If you like him then be friendly. I dated a junior
when I was a senior. Last month we celebrated our
36th wedding anniversary. Go for it!

i woke in the middle of the night it felt like my whole body was asleep only my eyes were open it felt like I was sufficating I just had to sit there and wait till I fall asleep. what causes this mess..... (link)
There is a condition known as sleep paralysis.
what you describe sounds a lot like it. If you
think you may have this, see your doctor for

Here is a search for you. Lots of information out there.

only search

im 13 female and my boobs hurt....but not growing hurt...everytime i grab them it hurts and i dont even grab them this normal...whats happening??? im confused!!!!! (link)
Does it happen all the time or just now and then?
It could be a PMS symptom. Sometimes when a girl is about to get her period her boobs will get really sore and painful. It can happen as early as a week before.

If that isn't it, and that IS a normal thing, you should probably mention it to your doctor.

read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>

eXTReMe Tracker