ask karenR

read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators

I have gone from younggrandma to just yg. Now,
I am using my real name.
I don't think anyone who knows me will have trouble figuring out who that is!

I have been gone a while dealing with things in my own life. I am back now to help once again. Do not expect answers from me that just tell you what you want to hear. Life is to short for nonsense. :)
Website: advicenators forum
Gender: Female
Location: KANSAS
Occupation: Homemaker,EMT, ER worker, Medical assistant
Member Since: March 4, 2005
Answers: 9996
Last Update: April 15, 2014
Visitors: 479233
Rated: 11 times
Average Rating: 4.36

Favorite Columnists

Hiii my boobs hurt when I wake up but when I wear a bra it doesn't actually hurt that much? (link)
Maybe you are laying on them crooked. :)

If wearing a bra helps & you don't mind sleeping with it on, do that. Sore boobs are no fun.

20/f Its like this - I'm a a 20 years old, and i have nothing to show for it. I don't have any work history, the only completed schooling that I have is a high school diploma, but that's it. It's hard to find a job, I mean well I'm not a people person, so even thinking of being a cashier, waitress, etc. makes my skin crawl, and no its, not that i hate people, its what i think they will think of me. I rarely go outside, and most of the time when i do do its night time. Sometimes its a struggle for me just to get out of the bed, my old doctor prescribed me zoloft, i informed that it wasn't working, he just up the dosage to 75mg (which is still not working), i know I'm diagnosed with depression, but he never informed on what type. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night, sometimes i feel very agitated. i feel like a FAILURE. I want to do more with my life, i WANT to successful, but its like i can't. I've been out of school going on 3 years and i haven't accomplished anything, all of my friends are in college or working or both, living their lives, and im doing nothing. Walking to the post office from my house which is like 500 feet away seems like a journey. I barely even talk to any of my friends anymore, i barely talk to anyone anymore, I feel like I've slowly fallen off the face of the earth and no one cares. i really want to go to job corps (trade school) but its almost like college, where you go and live on campus, and im almost terrified to go because of all the people, i keep trying to tell myself it could be good, but idk i just feel scared. does anyone else have a problem similar to this or knows anyone who does? any thoughts acnd comments will be helpful. thank you in advance (link)
Well, you are only 20 so a big work history isn't

You need to keep seeing your doctor until you get your meds right. It sometimes takes a while. You are NOT a failure & you can get better. I understand you want to get out in the world & get a job & all. Be patient. Call that doctor & make an appointment.

I know several people who have done the job corps thing & really enjoyed it. Once you get your meds right I think you should go for it!

okay so this isnt really a sex question but when I had a bf, I got REALLY wet just making out! I want it to stop. I know some people say its a good thing andgys like it but I dont. I have tried pantyliner's and It doesnt work to provent it. This is really embarrassing but I get wet through my pants and I want it to stop. Please help if there is anyway! Thanks in advance. Oh and I am only 16 and have only made out and it was that bad just doing that. thanks again (link)
What you are going through sounds pretty extreme.
I would suggest you talk to your mom about it and set up an appointment with a doctor. You shouldn't have to deal with the problem on your own.

Is it ok if you don't have your period for 5 months but you don't have sex ever and it's you first period (link)
Yes its OK. It takes some time for it to get regular & all. It shouldn't be long before that happens. :)

How do I stop my period after its started (link)
You can't. It would be nice if we could but mother nature won't let us.

I found out my live in boyfriend has been having an affair. When I confronted him about it he admitted to it and said his mistress is married. I have since found out that she is not married (and never was).Why would he lie to me about her being married? What difference would it make if she was or wasn't married? (link)
I'm with Razhie. What difference does it make?

He is a liar. He is cheating on you & lying again about that relationship. You need to talk. You can mend this relationship, but NOT if he is going to continue to lie. Have it out with him.

It's been almost two weeks and the suspense is killing me!!!.... I'm pretty young and I am not able to go get a pregnancy test... So I'm here wondering if their is a home thing that I can do without my parents finding out????... I really need this so I can get it officially off my mind (link)
No. I'm sorry to say there is no home test without going to the store and buying one.

The only free home test is if you don't have your period. It isn't real reliable because stressing about it can cause you not to have your period. If you miss more than one its probably a sure thing you are.

Did he use a condom? If he did the chances go down a lot. From here on out if he doesn't have a condom, don't have sex with him. If he can't afford a condom, he can't afford you and a baby.

Play safe & be responsible always.

I went through a divorce, lost my house and family, bankruptcy and lost my job all within the last year. I have been diagnosed with clinical depression. I am suicidal most days but haven't attempted yet. What do I do? I have been through lots of therapy also. I don't really want to die, just want pain to stop. Help me please. (link)
It sounds like you have the right to be depressed for sure. Thats a lot of crap to go through in such a short period of time.

I know you are probably sick or hearing &thinking this, but it takes time. The best way for you to get over it all and back into the swing of things is to keep busy.

Find a new job. Any job will do at first. Just find something to occupy your time and to feed you. Keep your eyes open for new opportunity's but do any job you can find for now.

Divorce is hard to get over. When the time is right get out there and have fun with people your age. Don't worry about a serious relationship for a while, but just get out of the house & have fun.

Keep busy for now. Keep in touch with your doctor. If he/she has you on meds & you don't feel they are helping, make an appointment and discuss it.

I'm sorry for what you have been through. It really is just going to take time to get over it all. Keep busy & good luck.

I have a bad sore throat it hurts every time I sallow. Also I get a sharp pain in my ears. I have no fever or any other symptoms. I have taken some medicine to see if it will go away but it doesn't. Do I need to have my tosils removed? (link)
You need to see a doctor if you haven't already. If you have step throat you will have to take an antibiotic to make it go away.

I doubt they will remove your tonsils unless
your sore throat becomes chronic. I had mine removed as a child because of chronic ear aches.
Now, they just don't remove them like they used to.
They consider it if you have had several problems in a short period of time only.

Feel better soon.

we got together when i was 15(yes 15,we were together for 3 yrs,got married and divorced after 9mths.stayed divorced for 18 mths,i did my thing,he did his,but he always wanted me back it was me that said no,i did terrible things but he accepted it and now 15 yrs later hes bringing it up,& i dont remember alot of the things that happened back then,& he keeps insisting i just dont want to tell him.plz give me some advice (link)
Tell him you don't remember. It was a long time ago and it no longer matters. Why the sudden curiosity?
I'd be asking him that. If it were me, I would say either trust me or hit the road because he is basically calling you a liar.

Ok I have a boyfriend who is in jail and we have a 1 yr old together. And lately he has been asking me question's that have alot to do with cheating or when was the last time I talked to a guy on the phone stuff of that nature. And he had recently made a comment of how he is the same person and has changed as well as making a comment of when he come home and a guy call my phone he would hate for our son to his mother get the fuck smacked out of her. This is making me just wanna like call it quits and run for the hills, because I refuse to introduce this type of life to my son. I have seen and been throw it before. HELP WHAT SHOULD I DO? (link)
Go with your instincts. Call it quits & head for the hills. DO NOT look back either. Keep on going.

Sounds to me as if he plans to spend his life behind bars. Not even out yet and already threatening you. Follow your instincts and just stay clear away from this guy. No more contact.
Do whats best for you and your child.

I'm 15 and a girl. I masterbate almost every night. Is it bad? My parents don't know I do but I'm always scared of getting caught. (link)
You are perfectly normal. You are not bad.
No need for your parents to know (unless you just want to discuss it with them).

Getting caught is always a possibility. Always lock the door.

Can you get arrested or filed as a sex offender if caught having sex inside your car In california? (link)
I suppose you could. More than likely you would just get a ticket. You could be charged with
open lewdness, disorderly conduct, public nudity etc.

I doubt you would be considered a sex offender unless you were having sex with an underage person.

Well okay.. i was dating this guy 4 over a year. V belonged 2 different religions 2 begin with.. and he had lots of other issues. I thought i was in love and i was blind 2 some extent.. But he was into me madly. When things weren't working I tried 2 ditch him which resulted in him cutting himself.. I met another guy.. fell actually in love and moved on.. But his mom died and i left him within 6 months of that mishap. Somewhere down i feel guilty as he is still no over me. Should I apologize ?? :( (link)
His problem. Just move on. It doesn't matter how or when or for what reason a relationship ends. Someone won't be ready or the end & someone will be feeling guilty.

Don't apologize & don't have contact with him. He will never move on himself if you don't.

Hi this is a quick question.

me and my boyfriend are planning a family, he already has a child with a woman who he never see's because of the mother and whose tried to split us up numerous times. He knows I'm not fond of the thought he has a child (I've never met him and don't want to either that's not the issue.)

The issue is well there's two.
One: I'm worried he'll always compare our child to his, as in I've read lots of comments from parents saying nobody could ever give them the feeling their first born did, the other kids had to earn the affection and that thought tears me apart since it'd be my first child and then the other thing I think is since he rarely gets to see the other kid it would have a lot more meaning to him when he does, while the child we have who he would see everyday might seem so much more trivial... ontop of everything else theres a huge questionmark over whether the first is even his since they look nothing like each other and the ex slept around alot and was sleeping around when it would of been concieved

The other question I need is we have a clash of oppinion. his first kid has his name as a middle name and he told me if we had a son he'd want our son to also have that name. I feel like that's taking the piss though, parden my french, my child will be mine I don't want them to have any association with the other one at all especially not to share a name! I think he'll take that the wrong way but as I have brothers myself, my eldest got the privilege of having my dads name, and in my eyes that's what it is, a privilege that another has already gotten. If you could maybe help me find a way to explain this feeling to him it would be greatly appreciated as I don't think I've said anything wrong in my opinion. and no comments about how horrible I am to dislike a child, that's my own feelings and we already talked that one through, he's fine with it. (link)
Well...You will just have to rate me bad because quite frankly this relationship is doomed from the get go.

He already has a child. You do not have to like that child, but it is his. YOU may be able to just write his already existing kid off, but if he is a good guy, he will not. If you think about it, would you really want a man who could? If you do not accept that child, you will one day be history.

He may go along with not seeing his child right now, but one day he will want that child in his life & will see you as part of the reason he doesn't. If you want a man who is good to you and your children, help him be part of his first child's life weather you like the child or not.

Parents don't tend to favor one child over another. Comparing them to each other though just happens. Not in a negative way, just as in one is not as good at sports as another, or one is better in music etc.

Since he doesn't often see his first child, of course when he does it will be special. Can't help but be. Another reason that child should be a part of his everyday life. If there is doubt of the child's paternity, the sooner he finds out the truth the better.

I think the way you explained the name thing was fine. I would tell him just that way. I don't think I would rush into having kids until you resolve all issues with the first child. They won't go away and will cause you problems down the road. If you are looking for a long term relationship, do it right from the start.

Best of luck.

ok,i am 13 in my class loads of people are in a relationship. im what you could say a black sheep,i dont hang out in a huge group i move about. I get called a lezbian cus i am a tomboy and i dont have a boyfriend,kinda unfair. I'm not classed as ugly i got offered places at child modeling studios and what not but i just can't get a boyfriend the boys i did have crushes on all said no when i gathered the courage to ask them out. please hel, any advice on what to do?? (link)
Keep in mind that 13 year old boys tend to be a bit immature. You are going to have to be patient. Stop worrying about getting a boyfriend and just try to make friends with them. If you are a tomboy it should be pretty easy. You probably have a lot in common with most of them.

Is it the boys or the jealous girls who are doing the name calling? I am gonna just guess it is the girls. Ignore them. They are jealous because they know the guys they like could be attracted to you one day soon.

So, just try to be friends. Once you stop worrying about it, it will happen before you know it!

I'm sorry if this is long or conceded. I used to have an awesome life. I was overweight from about 2000 to 2006. In late January 2006, during my senior year of high school, I had noticed that I had gained weight over Christmas, so I started counting calories and lost about 30-35 pounds or so by the time I started college. I loved my new body, had more confidence than ever, got hit on by guys more, got a lot of compliments, and all of my friends and family were proud of me, which was awesome. Long story short, I gained a little back in 2008 and quite a bit more in late 2009. I'm not here to make excuses for myself, but counting calories hasn't worked for me like it used to and nothing else has been effective. I try not to, but sometimes I really, really hate myself for reaching my high school weight again. I've already asked a relative to go on a diet with me after new years, but I don't think I can forgive myself for the past few years. Then, the other night at a grocery store, a guy oinked at me and even though I got mad at first, I got over it almost immediately by telling myself that I deserved it and when I think about jokes people made about me in high school, I don't get mad because I say I deserved that as well. I don't deserve any better because I had a good body and screwed it up. Is this normal? (link)
Well people do feel they deserve a lot of things that they don't. Women stay with men who abuse them because they somehow feel they deserve it. So what you are feeling isn't unusual.

What you have to get through your head is that people come in all different sizes. If you want to lose weight then you can try. The main thing is what weight do you feel comfortable at? Your main goal is just to feel good about yourself.

There are some rude people out there. I have heard them treat skinny girls just as rudely.
They are just mean people. You do not deserve to be treated that way at all. hard as it is ignore those types.

The best way to lose weight is just to try to eat healthy. Start walking more. My personal secret is stay away from anything that says "diet" on it. The aspartame in there will actually cause you to gain weight.Once you lose weight you will just become more active. That will help a lot too.

Best of luck to you.

I'm a 13 year old girl. I'm in a long distance relationship with a 16 year old guy. I love him, but i really don't feel like talking to him, and i don't really have any emotions at the time. I'm not happy, sad, mad, or anything. I just feel nothing right now. I want to cry right now, but i can't, and like i said i'm not sad. I don't know what to do. Am i depressed? (link)
I don't know that you are depressed. Depressed people are usually overwhelmingly sad feeling.

Long distance relationships really aren't a great idea for teens. At your age you need to be out there dating and having fun. Its part of growing up and learning about relationships. When you get into a long distance relationship you don't feel you are able to do that. THAT is probably a lot of the problem you are having.

I would suggest that you talk with your guy. Tell him you want to remain friends and talk online but that you need to have a life where you are. Keep in touch & if it is meant to be you will get together again when you can both be in the same place. Its just the smart thing to do.

16/f Three years ago I was sexually abused by my boyfriend. Since then I haven't dated anyone. Over the past four months I have come to really really like this guy. He asked me out the other day and I said yes. Now I feel weird about it. Frightened, awkward... We haven't seen each other since I said yes. And I still feel weird about it. I'm confused and unsure of what to do :/ Thanks for the help ahead of time. (link)
As hard as it is just remember he is not the guy who abused you. Give him a chance. Once you feel you can trust him with it, let him know you were abused by a former boyfriend. He needs to know why you will probably get nervous & upset should he try to move things along to fast. You need to take things slow and really get to know him before you take things to that level.

Best of luck. :)

So there is this boy that I have a crush on. We met in August and became pretty close quick. I'm almost positive he was interested in me. Unfortunately it kinda fizzled out and I think it was because I was trying to play hard to get which did not work as planned. How do I spark things up again and get him to realize that I wasn't trying to avoid him? It was just a failed attempt to flirt. Thanks!! (link)
Tell him straight up you were playing hard to get & you think you may have done to good of a job of it.

Honestly is always the best policy. Good luck!

read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators


eXTReMe Tracker