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I have gone from younggrandma to just yg. Now,
I am using my real name.
I don't think anyone who knows me will have trouble figuring out who that is!

I have been gone a while dealing with things in my own life. I am back now to help once again. Do not expect answers from me that just tell you what you want to hear. Life is to short for nonsense. :)
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Gender: Female
Location: KANSAS
Occupation: Homemaker,EMT, ER worker, Medical assistant
Member Since: March 4, 2005
Answers: 10036
Last Update: April 15, 2015
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Hai I'm 14/f and lately I've been thinking a lot about smoking. Everyone in my family has smoked at least once and my mom is the only one who contunues to smoke. Also my best guy friend smokes as well and has offeres me mutiple times but Ive always turned him down. I really don't know I'm somewhat stressed due to school and slight family issues so I want to know what to do. I'm just so unsure of wht to do at the moment please help. (link)
I'm a smoker & I will advise you not to start.

As has been mentioned it is much easier just not to start. Stopping is difficult. Don't start to fit in & don't start with the notion it will relieve stress. It doesn't. It can sure cause some though if you need a smoke & can't afford the costly cigs!

So don't start. Its bad for your health, it costs way to much money (better spent on other things). It gives you bad breath & is bad for your teeth, it makes your clothes, house & car stink. I could go on & on. Just don't start. :)

I am 22/f and I live with a bully... my mom. My mom is the type of person who does not take any responsibility for her actions. If she does something very wrong, she gets defensive, throws a few tantrums, and she's off the hook. She is truly a bully. I don't want to go too deep into this because there are other things that I need to explain. What you should know is that she is very mean to me, her only child. She tries to control me and wants everything I do to be her way. She is a cumplsive shoper. She feels that she should not buy clothes for herself because she feels she is too overweight and nothing looks good on her. So, she always bought clothes for me. The only thing is, which I didn't know, was that she was using my credit cards to do it. I didn't even know that these credit cards existed! She opened up a whole bunch of things in my name when her credit got ruined and she couldn't take out any credit. Needless to say, I found out when I pulled up a credit report.

I told my grandmother about it, since I live with my grandparents, and all my grandmother was concerned about was me turning her in to the police... OBVIOUSLY i'm not going to do that. that was never even an option. I just told my mom that she would have to pay me back the $3000 that she took from me. The issue is that this is not MY money. It's not cash that she took out of my checking account for an emergency. These $3000 are CREDIT... which means that she borrowed money from a company in MY name and never paid them back... so it's like stealing. But... it looks like i'm the theif! Nobody is holding her responsible. My grandmother just told me "A daughter doesn't ask her mother to pay her back... ever." Fine! If that's what she thinks then fine. But, this isn't MY money... like I said. This debt is owed to creditors who are harassing ME for it. I'm about to give up, pay the whole thing, and take responsibility for everything. That's how tired I am. I'm so tired of her being like a baby sister who gets away with everything because she doesn't know any better. She is an adult and she is the PARENT.

My parents got divorced when I was 1 or 2... that's almost over 20 years ago. My mom never dated again. Fine, that's her choice. She is not obligated to date someone if she does not want to just for the sake of dating someone. But, she constantly blames my dad for everything. She told me that she wasn't going to pay me back a dime and that I should ask my dad for it because he's the one that ruined our lives. Everytime she does something wrong like this... and maxes out credit cards, but can't pay them back, she says "this is all your father's fault." Right now, I owe my university some money... which is normal... and she says that is my dad's fault because if she were still married to him, they would have set up a college fund for me. After the divorce, she never worked again... claiming that he left her incapacitated. He is no hero. He cheated on her and that was very wrong. Yes, it set us back. Yes, it caused some problems. But, you can't continue blaming him for 20 years because YOU couldn't get YOUR life together.

Please offer me any advice. This was just a rant... but I don't even have the questions organized in my mind to ask. I'm just so confused and tired of this!
Oh boy. What a mess.

I will have to be honest with you and just say that
as far as this problem goes, you are the one letting her get away with it. She isn't a bully, she is spoiled rotten because everyone always lets her get away with her bad deeds.

I certainly understand why you wouldn't want to get mom in trouble. I don't know if I could do it either in your situation. BUT, the truth of it is that your mom has basically stolen your identity.
She should be charged with identity theft. That is probably the only way you will ever get your credit rating cleaned up.

Its time for you to get mean. Either go to a lawyer & see what your options are legally, or wait for ten years or so & hope it gets taken off your records & also hope she doesn't do it again.
Whichever way you go, don't take any more nonsense from her. You hold the key to her freedom at the moment. Ball is in your court. Let her know it.

Good luck to ya.

I don't wan to bore you with my lifelong story.
I just want to commit suicide.
Plz help me. (link)
Its kind of hard to help not knowing what is troubling you. I can assure you though that no matter what it may be, it is certainly not worth ending your life over.

Things happen to everyone. Some things are really bad. They can make you just not want to be around anymore. I think everyone feels that way now and then. But, you know what? You wake up one day & everything is pretty OK.

I know it is hard to believe when you are in such despair, but it does truly get better. Don't commit suicide. Stick around & see how the story goes. All your troubles will one day make you a stronger better person.

Hang in there, ok?

my boyfriend was rubbing me down there and we both were fully clothes..while doing so i felt myself wet down there..i remind u we were fully clothed and my bf said that he didn't wet in his panty..please help me out..are there any chances of pregnacy.. i did'nt get my periods yet its already 10 days late..please help me out.. (link)
If his semen didn't get on your vagina you are safe.
Stress can cause your period to be late or just not come.


A lot of people talk crap about me at school and I'm just getting tired of it. There's nothing I can do, so please don't say "tell someone" or whatever because I've tried everything. But anyways, I'm just getting tired of it and I want to be homeschooled. Some people that talk crap moved to the schools I was thinking about moving to, so they'll just say stuff about me and have MORE people not like me.

How can I talk my mom into letting me be homeschooled? I always have a parent here to homeschool me, so that's situated. But how do I talk my mom into saying "ok"? (link)
My answer will be just a little different from the others. I know a couple of mothers who have home schooled their kids. Neither found it to be difficult nor did it take up a huge amount of their time. Thats not to say it is a responsibility that your mom would want to take on.

First, you need to look up online as much about homeschooling as you can. Bookmark pages or save links to stuff that should answer any questions your mom might have.

Next, you will have to tell your mom, in great detail, WHY you want her to take on this responsibility. You will have to tell her how you are feeling about the way you're being treated at school now. Be honest.

A LOT of the responsibility for doing homeschooling the right way will be up to you.
There are a lot of things you can do online &
you have to knuckle down & do it. I'm not real
up to date on the subject but, I think there are state tests you have to pass each year. You
will have to also let your parents know that
you are willing to do the work.

i am scared of losing my virginity, but then i am scared i will never get to have sex. what do i do?
i am 13 (link)
You are 13 so of course you are scared about losing your virginity! You have plenty of time to get used to the idea & when you are older you will be ready & when the time is just right, with the right guy, you won't be scared at all.

There are probably a few 13 year olds who have lost their virginity. There are plenty more who talk a good game. Do not let what others say cause you to do something you are not ready for. The right guy will come along & he will wait until you are ready for sex.

Don't worry about it, when you are ready it will be fine. :)

so i worked 2 days, i work at this kids salon spa and i got my two friends a job there. it is my first real job and on the second day i kinda screwed up by cursing at the place which i honestly dont remeber and now im like beating myself up over it. so then there was a staff meeting that i didnt get the email for bu my frined who never worked there yet got it so i went. and my boss brought up what happend the week before so im like oh shit. so at the meeting we tried something new where we put down our name for how ever many parties we want to do. i put my name down for every single party and put my phone and email down yet i never got the email and was never scheduled to come in. i called my boss and she was like ill call you back on your cell and she never did. i know she probablly doesnt want me working there but i at least want her to tell me straigh up like im sorry i have to let you go rather than dragging this on and plus she owes me $60!! so like the fuck am i supposed to get my money? should i just go in when its not busy and talk to her one on one? becasue this is really pissing me off that my friends that i got them the job are working and im not like this is bullshit all because i fucked up one day like i said i was sorry but im sure other people fuck up at work especially if its there first job.. adviceee? thankss (link)
I'm thinking they won't be calling you for any more jobs. Cursing around kids you are employed to look after is a great big no no. Those kids go home & repeat what you said & your employer loses clients.

Consider it a lesson learned & try not to be upset or go in & growl at people. There's some jobs where an apology for cursing would be ok & you might get a second chance. This job was one of the few where they just can't afford to do that.

If you are owed money & they haven't mailed it to you yet, you should call or go in & ask why you haven't at least been paid.

Hello All, for the past few years I have stood up to my mother and sister. I have helped raised my nephews for years now. They are finally grown and they live on their own now because I won't allow them to live with me anymore. They have done everything you can think of in the past. Examples: robbery, stolen been disrespectful, stabbed one another, brought a gun in my home etc. My mother and sister think I am just being selfish and mean. One works and the other one doesn't my mother supports him totally so much that she can't support herself. I support her I have given her four of my cars in the past. I don't allow them to come over to my home and take advantage of me and my children. I use to cook Sunday dinner I have stopped that as of this past weekend. My oldest nephew recently came and stole food out of my freezer and my mom had the nerve to call me selfish. It's not that I just can't be apart of the enabling anymore. She pays a car note for him and he doesn't work or go to school but, she doesn't have a car. Oh, forgot to mention that Child Welfare took my sisters boys and placed them with me years ago. I am just wondering am I wrong for wanting to live my own life now and putting space between my family and I. (link)
You are not wrong at all. Seems to me you have done more than your share to help. Instead of being respectful of you and what you have done they steal from you & treat you bad? No way, you did what you could. Walk away knowing that & live your own life.
You have 2 kids who do not need the influence of any of these people. Its sad & it will be hard to do I'm sure, but walk away & don't look back.

Good luck to you. Thank you for trying to help your family. Someone needs to tell you that! You did what you could. Now is time for you & your kids to enjoy yourself without the drama from the rest of your family. :)

I am 16 and I have a huge crush on my attractive female teachers who is like 28 I believe. I am flat out obsessed wit her I;d say, -I always walk by her room or try to go wherever she is and at the end of the day just to see her leave,.i 'm willing to buy any school related paper and yearbook just to see if any pictures of her are in it, I keep thinking she hates me or as a bad impression of me, I went searching for her Facebook account, and I found it and I find myself staring at a lot of pictures of her. I get mad just whenever I see another boy go up and talk to my teacher, but the worst thing of all is that she is married and I can't stand that she is. I have feelings of hate towards her husband just because she is married to him and want him to die and I sometimes like to rip papers up or something pretending it is him or taking a pencil and stabbing the paper with it. I am obsessed with this girl, and I will do anything to get her even it means I have to break up her marriage or something
You don't. 28 year old women don't tend to have much of an interest in 16 year old boys. You need to get some professional help for your obsession before it gets you into trouble.

What good does it do? Im sad all the timr hate self (link)
What good does what do?
Why are you always sad?
I think it would probably do you good to see a doctor. You may be suffering some depression.
That can easily be helped & you would then feel better about your life.

I'm 19/f

I'm on birth control for almost a year now but everytime me and my boyfriend have sex I'm still afraid that I'll get pregnant. I've been thinking about asking him to still use a condom so I can relax more about this stuff. I also dont really like the feeling when he cums inside me because it often burns. The problem is that I know he prefers having sex without a condom cause it gives him more pleasure.
So what should I say to him and how do I explain this to him? I'm really scared that I wont be able to pleasure him anymore.. (link)
If his wearing a condom helps you to feel safer,
then he needs to respect you enough to wear one.
Being on the pill IS the most reliable form of birth control. The chances of you getting pregnant are slim. HOWEVER, if you are more comfortable with him wearing one, THAT is what
he should do.

I must also correct the myth that
you will become immune to birth control pills
over time. You won't. Taking them for a long
period of time may make it take a while to get pregnant when you want to. But taken "as directed"
consistently, they will work fine. Thats not to say that some won't be in that 1% who will get pregnant while taking them correctly. I just don't want you or others reading this to think
they aren't safe taking them.

If you are having burning without one, you do need to get that checked out. That shouldn't be happening at all. So please see a doctor about
the cause of that. Then, discuss your fears with
your doctor too. He/she will be more than happy to talk with you about it. After all that you
should be able to talk to your boyfriend about
it better.

Okay so I've been having this boyfriend for like about 2 1/2 years . I resently Acussed him of talking to his ex so we got into an argument . I always acusse him of stuff like this by the way and during the argument he said I was a bitch because I keep goin on and on about how he was lieing and whatever after he did that a few hours later I texted him and ask how could he say that and he still wouldn't say sorry or anything he was still upset he wasn't still calling me a bitch I mean that is like the first time he's actually said that to me so later on tht night I've been ignoring him and now he's just saying sorry and I'm telling him to leave me alone is that the right thing to do . ???????????? (link)
I think it probably is. One of the things that make any relationship work is trust. It doesn't sound like you trust him very much. You may have very good reasons for feeling that way, but as long as you do the relationship will not work.

Its probably best for you to move on & find someone who you can trust & one that won't call you names when he gets mad.

Do you guys believe in those pictures or comments that say something like "Repost in 4 minutes or else"? I'm scared of those things... (link)
Nope. I don't believe them at all.

I don't blame you for being a little scared
of them. Some of them really are pretty creepy. Thats the whole idea of them though. They
basically are trying to see how many people
they can get to share their nonsense.

If your friends are sending them to you, tell them
that you do not re-post or share those kinds of things. They probably won't stop, but its worth a shot. But don't worry, nothing bad will happen if you ignore & delete them.

I don't know if i got my period or not. I have been crying out of the blue, stomach aches everyday lately, moody, and fighting a lot with my mom. I have turners so it is hard to tell. I feel different,acting different, and my vagina looks a lot different to me, too. Can anyone tell me if I did or not, please. I NEED ANSWERS! PLEASE, I NEED TO KNOW IF I DID OR NOT! (link)
Did you have any vaginal bleeding?
That is the only sure sign of having a period.
All those other symptoms are just teenage hormones.
Not necessary to have any of those when you have a period, though you certainly could have. Blood in your panties is the only sure sign that you have had your period. Believe me, when you have it there will be no doubt at all.

*Added in answer to feedback question*

It could have been. It will probably start out very light. It could look more brown than red, as you would expect blood to look. You may also have some clear discharge off & on in the months before you start your period.

I'm 19 years old and my boyfriend is 21 years old. We have been in a relationship for 6 months, but were acquaintances for almost 3 years before dating.

In the past week, he has suffered some pretty devastating events. On Sunday, his aunt suddenly passed away and today he lost his job. After his aunt's death, he was visibly struggling. He lost interest in sex and we practically had no alone time because when we would finally get home after being out wherever we were (usually his uncle's house) he would just want to go to right to sleep. I started to feel kind of neglected.

Then today, he lost his job. Right now he has to live paycheck to paycheck, which means he won't be able to pay any of his bills like the car loan, insurance, cell phone, etc. He briefly told me what happened and he was going to his uncle's to have a few beers. So I tried to show my support by telling him that he still had me and I would stand by him. He responded by asking me to leave him alone for now. So reluctantly, I am obliging.

My problem is that I am over sensitive and over emotional. I was diagnosed with a mood disorder when I was 16 years old, so it's more difficult for me to cope with difficult occurrences in my life. I get very depressed. Because of my boyfriend's attitude change this week (which I know is probably understandable) I have felt a bit neglected. I tried to express that to him last night before the whole job fiasco happened, and he responded by saying how could I expect to have his undivided attention when he's got so much on his mind (his aunt's death). I tried to understand that by apologizing and asking for a clean slate when we woke up and he agreed.

I know that I am probably coming across as selfish, but for my own sanity I just need some advice on how to cope with him shutting down like this. He's not only my boyfriend but he's my best friend and I wish I could help him through this, but I know the men and women respond differently to stress. Men generally don't want to talk about it the way women do, so I know it's not wise to try and pressure him. But until he's ready to talk to me, or until he feels better and acts more like himself, how do I cope with feeling shut out?

Thanks. (link)
I know you feel neglected, and that's a natural way to feel at the moment. He has been hit with a lot of stuff this week. It takes time to get over a death in the family, if you add a loss of job to awful!

Its only been a week or so. Give it time. It will take time I'm afraid. Don't give up. Try to be there for him as much as he will let you. If another couple weeks go by and he is still shutting you out, you may need to reevaluate the relationship. But I think it will be ok soon.

i am a 19 year old girl with a 9 month old baby.....his dad is 27 and i really love him that might seems a little old but to me age doesn't matter....anyways i live with him and his mom...but since i had the baby he doesn't want to have sex as much as he used to do ......but when we do he tells me how good it was n he cant stop having sex with me.....he has a girlfriend that he sometimes spends the night with...but whenever he visits his mom's house she be calling him every minute...i think she don't want him to be around me r his child n i talk to him about it but he said that shes just in his life for a reason and a season....again hes a good dad and hes very loving and charming.....but i'm fastrated with the fact that she doesn't want him to see me his child r his can someone give me advice...cause i really think he loves n cares for me as i do....but he can be a hard ass sometimes lol......... (link)
Just like every other kid in the world...You let them get away with something and they will just keep right on doing it.

I know you are only 19. I had my first child when I was just 18 so I have been in that situation. It is time for YOU to grow up.

You are going to have to take control of your own life. If at all possible get out of this mans mothers house. I am sure she means well, but you need your own life.

Next, you need to tell this man that he is going to be his baby's father and your partner or he isn't. You are NOT going to put up with him having a girlfriend. Good grief girl have some respect for yourself. You don't deserve to be treated like this. Don't let him run off & stay with some other woman while you stay home & care for his child alone. If he doesn't want to stay with you, then he needs to give you enough money that you can go stay in your own place with your child. Find yourself a man who will love & respect you. You aren't going to find him hanging around waiting for sloppy seconds from this man who claims he loves you. If he did you & your child would be the most precious things in his world. He wouldn't even dream of stepping out with someone else.

He needs to grow up & be a responsible human being. His days of playing around should be over. If he wants to continue then you need to move on.
I know none of this is what you want to hear, but I won't sugar coat it. You deserve so much better.

He likes to receive oral, and I do it for him every other day because I care about him and want him to feel good. He knows that I love it, but only does it for me 1-2 times every two weeks. He says he doesn't mind it and that it has nothing to do with my hygiene which is immaculate. He always has an excuse, like that he is tired or he is just not in the mood. Yet, he is always up for him getting it or having sex. I feel like there is something he isn't telling me, but whenever I bring it up, he gets angry. What should I do? (link)
I like Solidadvice4teens advice. I do want to add
that it is possible that he just doesn't like doing it. Maybe he does it now and then just to make you happy, but really just doesn't enjoy doing it.

You do need to have a talk about it. Talk when you aren't upset. If he just doesn't like it then you have to decide if you can live with having it that way just now and then. Of course the same goes for him. You don't get it...He doesn't either.

well we sometimes play around and we play video games together and we hang out almost every sunday night. would that make a difference?? (link)
I think I would talk to him about it.
Maybe just tell him you would LOVE to go
should he still need a date. Tell him you saw his tweet. See how it goes.

You know sometimes a guy doesn't see a girl
right there under his own nose! Sees you as
one of the guys. Might just be time to show
him you are his friend AND a potential girlfriend.
Go for it. I would love to know how it turns out.

Okay so my guy friend that's a junior posted on Twitter that he is should most likely start finding a prom date because he was desperate. I am a sophomore and really close friends with him. Do you think there's anyway of being asked to his prom?
There's always a chance!

Most people will want to take someone that
they have romantic feeling for to the prom.
Its one of those "big date" events, as a rule.
Do you think he see's you as a possible girlfriend
of the romantic kind? Do you see him like that?

Either way, you could always jokingly say to
him that if he is really desperate you will go.
See how he takes that. You could also just ask
him straight up.

Just one word of caution. If he
likes being your friend, but doesn't really see
you as a serious girlfriend, talking about going with him might make things a little uncomfortable
in the future. So, be prepared for a turn down just in case & try to laugh it off should it happen.

Good luck!

18/f, been in a happy, secure relationship for over 2 years.

At first, giving oral was something I would do to my boyfriend to impress him and let him know that I can be sexy. after months (and years) went by, I stopped having the desire to show him that side of me through oral sex. I've come to despise it, actually. I hate the taste, I hate that it makes my mouth sore, and I just don't like the feeling it gives me - like I'm degrading myself.

My boyfriend for the most part respects this. On his birthday, I've (unfortunately) made it a tradition to give him head and let him finish right then and there. Since his birthday's coming up, he keeps talking about it and how excited he is. I couldn't be dreading it more.

thinking about it upsets me because all the other girls I know love to perform oral on their boyfriends. It makes me feel abnormal and that my boyfriend deserves someone who would enjoy it as much as he does. I hate feeling this way and I'm never at peace with myself for it.

so, I'm not weird right? (link)
First of all, if you don't like it then you don't have to do it. Sounds like the boyfriend is mostly good with that. If you don't want it to be considered a traditional part of his birthday gift that he is expecting, then you need to say so & be done with that. Not saying anything will just make you feel worse everyday until his birthday.

Just because others like it doesn't mean you have to. It doesn't make you weird at all. They aren't weird either. Some ladies consider it just another way of making love with their guy. Giving him something he enjoys. If you could think of it in that way it might help, IF it is something you want to enjoy. If not, then just let him know. He may be mentioning it just to get your reaction. Have a heart to heart talk with him & let him know you really just don't enjoy doing it.

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