ask karenR

read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators

I have gone from younggrandma to just yg. Now,
I am using my real name.
I don't think anyone who knows me will have trouble figuring out who that is!

I have been gone a while dealing with things in my own life. I am back now to help once again. Do not expect answers from me that just tell you what you want to hear. Life is to short for nonsense. :)
Website: advicenators forum
Gender: Female
Location: KANSAS
Occupation: Homemaker,EMT, ER worker, Medical assistant
Member Since: March 4, 2005
Answers: 10044
Last Update: June 30, 2015
Visitors: 489655

Favorite Columnists

Weird scenario where I disn't actually intend to send break up text. He got it though. I saw his profile on free dating site we had met on. I panicked and texted him. I explained I didn't really wanna break up and why had he jumped back to dating so fast? He said was just looking around and had no pics so noone knew who he was. Talked about taking some time and meet again later. Two hours later his profile was full of pics, including ones I had asked him to take for me and send me. Ugh. Why lie? Should I call him on it? I am hurt he lied. (link)
I don't see much point in talking to him again for anything. If he were interested in continuing a relationship he wouldn't have updated his profile on a dating site. You know his game now, it hurts but you will get over it. There are plenty of guys out there, go find you one of them good ones. :)

How to break up with a guy you really care about. We have been dating 3 months. He shows up to my kids sporting events I am not even divorced yet although paper work is filed. I was married 4 years separated in July. I want to focus on me getting more in shape. It's a constant battle inside my head do I want to be with him I do its just not the right time. He is a sweet man. He tells me how much he cares about me how he wants us to work. Although he is looking. (link)
I think you need to tell him that you are just not wanting to rush into yet another relationship right now. If the time were right you would know it.

He may just be the rebound guy that got you back into the game. I think he may understand if you talk to him about it. Maybe you could just be friends & see each other at kids games now and then. If you don't feel comfortable with that just tell him you aren't ready yet. That is perfectly normal & there is nothing wrong with that. :)

relationship question. I am desperate for advice. I am 22, my boyfriend is almost 23. we have been dating on and off since we were in 8th grade, so for over 8 years now. we do not live together, we each still live at home with parents. i am 8 weeks away from graduating from college with a 4 yr degree, i also work part time. he has not had a single job in his life, and also dropped out of high school senior year. does not have his GED. our relationship is extremely strained because of this. we cannot go out to movies or out to eat because he is literally broke. his parents are enablers and give him money once or twice a week. he spends the money (usually 10 bucks is given) on beer and lottery tickets.

he is on medication for anxiety, has many social issues and is basically afraid of people. he is really overweight and hates himself for it and always talks about how much he hates life. I love him but it is getting really depressing never being able to do much and i work so hard all the time while he literally sleeps all day and for fun gets drunk with his friends.

whenever i try to talk to him about any of this seriously his temper flares and he immediately shuts down. he has lots of anger issues and has yelled, and i mean yelled at me before and curses at me when he is angry even over something little. i know he loves me, and i feel selfish for saying that isn't enough, but it isn't anymore. i don't know what to do. the obvious thing is to leave but i am trying to do anything in my power to fix things before giving up. i have offered to help him study for his GED but he never brings it up. Thanks for reading. (link)
Oh wow. Razhie is right. You cannot carry on like this.

You grew up & got a life. He didn't. You can be friends with him but I don't think he is boyfriend material at all. You have to move forward.

He may try to sway you but I think you know what you need to do. Not an easy thing for you but you can't put your life on hold for this guy. Life is just to short sweetie. :)

Hey, I'll get right into it. I met this girl called Kelsey about year ago in my science class and some people joked about being married and i never thought much of it but over the last few months we've been talking more and more and the marriage joke had gone really far. Anyway we talk about everything, including our love lives. We talk most nights now and i really don't know if i've found a good friend or something more.

And if i do a crush on her what do i do about it(i know she still has feelings for an old boyfriend)
Thanks for reading! (link)
The best long term relationships start out as friendships. Take it slow & see what develops.
If she is just getting over a boyfriend you don't want to rush into a rebound relationship.

Keep up the talk & get closer. Ignore the jokers, they are just jealous. After a while, when she stops lamenting about the old boyfriend, ask her to the movies or a school dance & just see how it goes.

Good luck!

Okay so my boyfriend & I have decided we want to take our relationship to the next level. A bunch of my friends said that having sex for the first time really hurts & others said that it doesn't. He has fingered me before & it didn't hurt although I know its nowhere near the same as having sex, but I'm curious about what I can do to make sure the expierience won't be painful..? (link)
I'm really not much for giving sex advice on a website where 13 year olds are allowed, but I will try.

There is really no way of knowing how first time sex will be. If your partner is patient, if you have a private place that is comfortable & there is no big rush, your experience will be the better for it. Females need lubrication too. It is usually not a problem, however, nerves and fear of the unknown doesn't help things in that department. So you may want to use some lubricant made for that purpose or he can patiently wait until it happens naturally.

That is about the best advice I can give. Please use protection & birth control if at all possible. Free or close to it birth control can be gotten at free clinics, health departments or planned parenthood. See if there is a place near you. I'm sure you already know that but, not everybody does so I tell for those others reading this. Nothing ruins a relationship or piece of mind like worrying about an unwanted pregnancy.

Hi there!

Is there like a price guide for old books? I have to help my family go through a book collection that was left to them, and there are many antiques in there, but none of us know anything about this kind of thing.

A site or a guidebook would be great. Thanks! (link)
I found there are a lot of books for sale on the subject on Amazon. com!

Here is a free place you can try first though. I hope this helps. I have never used it but seems pretty simple to use. :)

Right now I am learning about Magna Carter or I am supposed to be but I can't find much about her on the internet that makes any sense. So confused! Can you help? (link)
First of all The Magna Carta is not a she. It is an it. :) Try here and see if it helps.

So me and a few friends plan to drink for my friend's birthday; just at her house. I've never really drank before, but I wanted to know if there are any possible bad effect that might happen since I'm anemic. Lately my anemia has been a bit worse, and I'm worried drinking might cause me to pass out or something. I don't plan on drinking alot, just enough to go into a tipsy happy state. (link)
Being anemic may make the alcohol go to work on you faster than your friends. Be aware of that. While drinking a small amount will probably not cause harm, alcohol abuse can itself be a cause of anemia.
Drinking is probably not a great idea, but if you are going to do it be responsible about it.

If you take medication for your anemia you need to look up that medication & see what the consequences of mixing alcohol with your particular medication are.

If you are underage then you shouldn't drink at all,
Of course. :)

ive been using nuristrate for 4 years and now is been one year not into nuristrate cause i want to get pregnant so i cant get pregnant but i was not using nuristrate for a year and not using protection so i wanna know what cause not to get pregnant but im not using any contraception. i am 26 years old and im from south africa (link)
Nobody here is a doctor. There are so many reasons a woman may not get pregnant. I would advise you to see your doctor and tell him or her all about your problems conceiving. Your doctor can work with you & help find a solution.

Best of luck. :)

i am scared whether im pregnant or not..i gave my bf a blowjob and then he fingered me.. i dont remember whether he washed his hands or not..but he is very sure that hes hands were dry. that time i was scared whether im pregnant or not! i gave him a blowjob on 24th dec.. my periods were supposed to come on 28th dec but they came on 1st jan as i was taking pills to delay my periods cause i had a function to visit. i got my next periods on 6th of feb.. i dont have any pregnancy symptoms the only thing is that i have pain in upper stomach and i get a quick pain during passing stools..i have this pain while eating anything.. or it comes suddenly. im having this from past few days. it started with a problem in passing stools. what could be the reason. i cant take a pregnancy test.. i am very scared! please help me. i want a sure answer.. because im scared to death.. im 17! and if im pregnant then give me some solutions. i did google on this topic and they said that it is possible to be pregnant without missing periods or even without having any symptoms of pregnancy.. please help and reply.. i need help (link)
You don't sound pregnant to me. Problems passing stools in no way indicate pregnancy. If you have pain passing stools you may have a hemorrhoid. It doesn't look like you have missed a period.

I know it is not impossible to be pregnant with no symptoms at all but being pregnant & still having a period is not at all common.I would advise you to stop worrying about it unless you develop symptoms like a missed period.

I know you don't want to hear it but, I will say it anyway. If you fear pregnancy, it may be a good idea to abstain from having sex. If you must, then make sure your boyfriend uses a condemn & to be really safe, you might check into your local health clinic for birth control pills. Many places will give it to you for free or for a very low fee.

There's this kid that I've definitely been friend crushing on lately, I just think he's cool and think he'd be a great friend, a cool person to hang out with. The other day, my friend needed him to do something for her but he was at home for the weekend. His roommate is one of my best friends so I got his number from my best friend (his roommate) and texted him what my friend needed.

Since texting him, we've been talking more in person and I definitely think I might have reeled him in. The other day, a group of us was going to Applebees, I texted him and asked if he wanted to go, he told me he's been spending way too much money on food lately and thinks he should stay that night in. I said okay, no problem. My friends and I got to Applebees, and he was there with three other people. The girl I was sitting next to at Applebees told me about 15 minutes into us being there that he was waving his hands trying to get my attention so I didn't look because I was upset that he told me he wasn't going just for me to go and see him there. A few minutes after that, he texted me "I really wasn't planning on coming tonight. They wouldn't shut up until I agreed to come. It's nothing against you, I promise." I went to Applebees with his roommate and showed him the text and asked if he texted him and he checked his phone and he didn't, he didn't text my roommate either.

The other day, we had an exam in class. He messaged me when he was done taking it, before I went in to take mine and told me specific things to look over and remember for it. The next day, our grades went out and he texted me what he got, he didn't even tell his friends first, he texted me when he found out what he got.

I know it isn't enough to go off of but I'd just appreciate if you would tell me what you think about the situation. I don't want to pester him all the time if he's just being nice or whatever. Do you think he wants to be friends, too? Maybe more?

Thanks. (link)
Well, he could have gotten up and walked to your table & at least said hi in Applebee's. BUT, lets give him the benefit of the doubt. Forget about this incident & move on.

It seems he is now anxious to get to know you. I wouldn't worry about pestering him. If he sends a text then he expects a response. Thats not pestering. I don't know the situation but perhaps he didn't really know who you were when you asked him to applebees. He went, he got a look at you & liked what he saw. Start fresh & make friends. :)

I have acne and ive tried a couple of products but the only thing that makes a change is benzoyl peroxide.ive been using it for 2 months.the problem is that my face gets red and sometimes itchy,there are times when its just a little red and then other times its suoer red and it looks aqful like im sunburnt.but it helps me with my acne so i keep using it.i put it on every morning and night.should i stop? and i know that youd say that if my face turns red and itches it means its not for me but its been doing wonders for my acne,its much less.i really dont know what to do :/ (link)
I think you need to stop using it. You face is trying to tell you that it is bothering you. I know it may be helping but continued use may lead to something even worse. What you are having is allergic reaction. Continued use may lead to skin damage which could scar your face.

See if your mom can get you an appointment with a doctor or better yet a dermatologist. They can get you hooked up with something that will work for your skin type.

Hello. I have had sex with my blyfriend before and i thought that i was pregnant. So i looked up symptoms of pregnancy and theni started feeling them. Could stress cause this to happen . (link)
Yes it can. Many people can read about all sorts of medical problems on the internet or in books and then feel that they have those symptoms.

The best way to avoid worry about pregnancy is to abstain from having sex. If that isn't possible then always have safe sex. Don't let him anywhere near you without protection. Get on the pill if at all possible for the best birth control.

Why do people say there is no perfect ten person. I know a lot of guys who say that Im a perfect ten behind my back. And these guys are not at all alike. Its really weird because I don't that much effort in my appearance. So is their a perfect ten guy or girl society holds to that status? (link)
I suppose there could be people who are a perfect 10 at some things. I doubt that any person is a perfect 10 if that perfect 10 pertained to everything. If that makes sense.

A person can be beautiful and be a 10 as far as how they look goes. That same person could be bad at sports. So they wouldn't be a 10 if all things were taken into account. Just one example but I'm thinking nobody could be a PERFECT 10. :)

What do these words mean;
schatzi (link)
There are many online dictionaries that can help you. Just go to google & punch in your word.

Can an hepatisi c patient get pregnant without a doctor's supervision and not transmit the virus to the baby. (link)
The best way to guarantee that you have a healthy pregnancy would be to see a doctor before you get pregnant. Pregnancy is hard on your liver when you have hep C and so being pregnant without a doctors supervision wouldn't be a good idea. It is possible to transmit the hep c to your infant, but its not a sure thing.

If i had unprotected sex 6 days after my menses will i b pregnant? (link)
Any time you have unprotected sex the risk for pregnancy is there. Don't panic yet. Stress has been known to delay a girls period.

If you miss your next period take a home pregnancy test. You can buy one at any department or drug store. You can even find them in some grocery stores these days.

im 18 and a girl. i hate feeling horny almost everyday. if i do this will the feelings go away? i hope so cause i dont need to feel horny as i cant see myself in a relationship for years. at least 5-10 years. so theres no reason for me to be horny. i feel so dissapointed with myself every time i cave into the urge.. like once every 1-2 days. but if going cold turkey for a month will solve it i'll commit to it (link)
Probably not. Stop worrying about it though. You are a perfectly normal & healthy 18 year old.

I'm a sophmore in highschool and I don't really know what to do or how to react to my family's recent situation. My father just lost his job and is currently being paid a severence for the next 12 weeks. We are immigrant citizens and neither of my parents have college degrees. My mom isn't working and probably will never because she speaks very little English. When my dad told me he was fired I was in shock and i still am. I haven't really talked to him about it nor have I done anything about it. I don't know what to do I looked up online and got people saying how I should get a job to help support my family but Im too young and the jobs fit for my age group are filled I can't even drive by myself yet and my parents wouldn't allow it anyway because I'm a girl and they want me to stay sheltered and let them do the work but I can't do nothing I'm really worried about how my life's going to change and I know how selfish it sounds but this is the first time this is happening to me and it's weird. I see these things on tv and on the news all the time but I didn't ever think it would happen to me. Please, what do I do? I don't know anything. (link)
Talk to your parents about it. Don't just sit around and be worried. Chances are he will find work. It may not be as good as his last job but he will find something to keep you all going until he can find something better.

You don't need to get a job. Your job is going to school. Don't panic, talk to your parents about your fears.

This guy keeps texting me and we have a pretty good relationship going. He always calls me beautiful,tells me I'mdifferent from other girls and invites me over but whenever I can follow through he always either cancels or makes excuses. Is it because he's shy? Then he asks me to be his cuddle buddy. I said Ok, but he still doesnt initiate hanging out. I really like him now but am afraid that he doesn't feel the same way. What is your intake on this? Does he like me, is he playing me or just flat out wants sex? Thank you for your answers!
PS Im an 18 yr old girl (link)
Do you really know him? I guess what I mean is have you met him before or know him from school?

If not then I would have to guess that he has been making stuff up about himself and just doesn't want the charade to end. Making stuff up is really easy over the internet. You can send pictures that aren't yours, you can say I am skinny & really be obese...etc.

If you do know him then I think I would still be suspicious. He may have a girlfriend already, or he may just be shy.

He must like you or he wouldn't bother texting you at all. However proceed with caution because something isn't right.

read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>

eXTReMe Tracker