ask karenR



read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators




I have gone from younggrandma to just yg. Now,
I am using my real name.
I don't think anyone who knows me will have trouble figuring out who that is!


I have been gone a while dealing with things in my own life. I am back now to help once again. Do not expect answers from me that just tell you what you want to hear. Life is to short for nonsense. :)
Website: advicenators forum
E-mail: krickel@gmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: KANSAS
Occupation: Homemaker,EMT, ER worker, Medical assistant
Member Since: March 4, 2005
Answers: 10020
Last Update: December 2, 2014
Visitors: 486465


Favorite Columnists
adviceman49
Razhie
DangerNerd
selectopaque
storageanddisposal
ammo
SilentOne
TheAnnie
isis
Erinn_the_bamf
Alin75
more...

My boyfriend is really depressed and is always telling me he's going to kill himself. It makes me soo upset because my sister has a mental illness and always tries to kill herself. I don't know what I should do about this as his friend told me it was my fault he cut for the first time. Can someone please give me advice? (link)
OK first off, You are not to blame for ANYTHING, your boyfriend does. People who aren\'t in their right minds do what they do & nobody else is to blame.

I am going to be real honest with you. I have lived with a husband who has had bipolar problems a long time. He has only found help recently. He never threatened suicide, thankfully, but living with a person who has mental problems is very difficult. A person who is depressed can actually bring you down to that level yourself. You want to help, but you just can\'t. They have to find the help themselves and stick with it.

What you are going to have to do is this & it will be a tough decision. You need to decide if you want to deal with this every day. I know you probably aren\'t thinking that far ahead but maybe you are.

The reality is that it won\'t go away. He will keep you around by threatening to kill himself, cut...whatever. That is just the disease talking but it will get to your brain all the same. Make you feel guilty. Make YOU depressed.

The smart move may just be to move on. If you stay though, you will have to get tough. Either way you need to tell an adult. His parents, teacher...I am assuming you are a teen. If not you can still try to contact a parent. Yes, some threaten just to put guilt on you, but why take that chance. ALWAYS assume he is serious & rat his ass out. He needs help if he has sank that low.

Whatever your decision do not, under any circumstances,feel you are in any way to blame for his actions. Not in the past, not now & not in the future. He needs serious help & you can do nothing if he doesn\'t get that help.


Hi I am siva from India , I m 22 old ... I am having a habit of manstrubation . . I have started it from my 17th year stil am doing it ... At 1st it could be monthly once but nowadays I do it daily , sometimes 4 in a day :( ... More over I ask my gf to talk hot in phone ., I.e phone sex pls help me out to stop it ... And to stop manstrubation using my gf :( I feel bad .... And I want to know whether this manstrubation leads to problem in giving birth ... Wil it make any problem in future to my child or to my wife or to me , pls tel me (link)
You will be fine! Masturbation is quite normal. It is one of the safest forms of birth control too. If your girlfriend doesn\'t mind the phone sex, that isn\'t a problem either.

It will not make any problems for your future wife, children or yourself.


Hi there i am from Kimberley..I am a leader of a cultural group, we are about to release our first album this year..so we where wondering will it be possible to get a donation of the latest nike brands as it will also help with marketing as we are around people in every event we attend.thank you
Mr Pogisho Makwene..Kimberley (link)
I did read that NIKE does not accept unsolicited sponsorship requests. They are only interested in famous athletes. Here is a link to their site.

But, You will need to contact someone from the NIKE organization if you\'d like to take a chance.

http://help-en-us.nike.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/777/p/3897


I have Clift lip and plated and is there reason I can't whisle (link)
Some people with Cleft lips & palates may have trouble whistling. Some not so much. If you are having a problem & whistling is something you feel a need to do, ask your physician. Most clefts can be surgically repaired.


I will be applying for a business grant this summer once I complete all the necessary details to start a baking business. The only problem is, that I need a partner that will be as passionate and knowledgable as I am about baking. A little background info: I will be earning my journeymans in the near future and then take the steps to become a pastry chef - my dream title. I know for a fact that I get sick a few times a year an would not want my business to suffer by not being able to run it those days/weeks. This is something I've been planning for a long while and want it to be run properly from business plan to execution to success. I would like just myself and one other person to run the business and then hire workers IF I absolutely need; I know of successful bakeries run by 2 people only. How should I go about finding a proper business partner? Advertising? Surveys? Or start the business and find a partner once I'm in business? Thanks. (link)
I don\'t know a lot about running a business but I
can give you my opinion.

I think if you are in school learning about baking, that would be a good place to start. You will want someone who thinks like you do, someone who you can get along with.

I think other bakers already in business, baking schools & then advertising would be the order I would try.

Perhaps someone in the business may know someone else who is interested, but just doesn\'t want to go it alone. Stop in or call & ask if you might talk to the owner of a bake shop you know of. If nothing else he/she may have some tips or good advise on how to get started.

Looking at students from baking schools will get you in touch with those who share your passion for baking. Take advantage of the schools bulletin boards& see if anyone else has a dream of a business.

If none of those work, advertise. Good luck!


I have been having chest pains on and off for a while now. Some sites say it can be nothing and some say it is very serious. Thanks to obamacare I no longer have health insurance so I need to be really convinced I NEED to go to the doctor before I spend money I do not have. Can you help me decide what to do? (link)
Chest pains, even if they seem to come & go, are nothing to mess with. Don\'t rely on the internet for answers. It may be nothing much or it may be a heart problem. Left untreated it could get worse or even become harder & more expensive to treat. Most places will make payment arrangements with you. It is something you need to do.


Is there like a list of rich people's houses? I just want to see how famous people and rich persons even if I never heard of them live. I know, shallow right? Sorry. (link)
Here is a search for you.

http://www.bing.com/search?q=rich+and+famous+homes&qs=AS&pq=rich+and+famous+&sc=8-16&sp=1&FORM=QBRE&cvid=b7dac8019b524ced897722443ff8dc46



21/f About 3 weeks ago, I noticed my left wrist kind of hurt whenever I'd try to use it to turn something. The area that hurts is the joint between my thumb and index finger. This is slightly confusing because I'm right handed. I turn a lot of things at work with both hands so I figured I'd leave it alone for a while and it would go away. Now, it's 3 weeks later and my left elbow is swollen and hurts. I don't recall sleeping on it differently or injuring it at all. But the area between the two bones on it is normal color but a little swelled. I could barely use my arm today. The entire arm also feels stiff and keeps popping when I move it. Is it possible to get arthritis at my age? Will the pain go away or should I see a doctor? (link)
It sounds a bit like my carpal tunnel. The repetitive turning things at work may be causing it. I would advise you to see a doctor about it. It has been bothering you long enough that you should have it checked out.

Oh, its not unheard of for a person your age to get arthritis. But not real likely unless you have had it all your life. Get it checked out so you know what it is for sure. Then you can get an arm brace or something to help prevent further damage.


If a doctor checks if a girl is a virgin can he tell if she has had anal sex or will he only see vaginal sex? (link)
A doctor may do a vaginal exam to test for many things. He/she can tell weather or not your hymen has been broken, but sex isn't the only thing that can break it. The Doctor may ASK if you are sexually active. He/she will not rely solely on an exam.

Unless you volunteer the info, The doctor will most likely not know you have had anal sex. Unless you have a problem with hemorrhoids or something, an anal exam won't be done.

If you are planning an exam by a doctor soon. It is a very good time to ask questions you may have about sex or birth control. Your questions are kept confidential & can be really helpful to you.


There's a guy that lives in the same dorm that I live in, he'll be Brandon. We talk and hang out a sufficient amount of time but not a lot that we are annoying about it. I've always thought that he was handsome but had never told him or tried anything because he has a girlfriend. The relationship they have is weird, though, due to the fact that they both cheat on each other so often. I think they're only together for security, just to always know they have someone there.

However, Saturday night, my best friend invited us to a party at his house so Brandon and I went. When we first got there, we were standing in the kitchen talking and these scantily clad girls were getting a bottle out of the fridge and he had said something to the effect of, "ooh, look over there" and his roommate gave him a look and left so after he left, Brandon looked at me and told me that he thought the bottle was cool looking and that's what he was telling his roommate to look at, not the girls. Then, I was in the living room with my girls and he came in, grabbed my hand and told me he and I were going to play pong, I told him I'm not very good at pong but my friend that invited us is and he told me he doesn't care, he wants me. So we played and when we finished, I sat on the couch and was going to take a snapchat, he saw and came and sat next to me, put his arm around me, got in my snapchat and then still kept his arm there. Then he told me he has to go to the bathroom but didn't know where it was at so I took him there and as soon as I got off the couch and held his hand to guide him through the masses of people, everyone started hollering (which I later found out from my friend, that invited us, that his friends do that when they think people are going to have sex). After he went to the bathroom, I could tell he had too much to drink so I told him to sit for a while and take a break. I took his cup from him and set it on the table behind me while he sat in the chair, I went to sit on the arm of the chair. He got so irrationally angry that I took his cup so he started punching the floor, his roommate tried to calm him down to tell him he was just taking a little breather and that didn't work so I grabbed his face and told him that everything was okay and it'll all be good in a few minutes and he calmed down almost immediately. He pulled me to sit on his lap after that and asked what I wanted to do while he was taking his break and I told him we can do whatever he wants since he was actually listening and taking a break. He looked at me and said "well, I want to do this" and he pulled me in and we started to make out. After a few minutes, he had my bra unhooked and he kept asking me to go back to the dorm. I told him this shouldn't even be happening because he has a girlfriend. He said "fuck my girlfriend, she's cheated on me so many times and I've cheated on her so many times. Let's forget about my girlfriend." We made out a little more and I thought it was ample time that he waited for another drink so I got off of him and told him to go get one and he said he didn't need it anymore, grabbed my hand and pulled me back on him. We made out for about ten more minutes until my friend started going through an existential issue so I got off of him to be with her and by the time I got back, his roommate said he was outside smoking and then he was gonna head back.

The next morning, his roommate was hanging out with my roommate and she asked how he was doing and his roommate said every time they wake up from the morning after a party, he says how much he regrets the previous night's happenings then tells his girlfriend that he cheated. His roommate said when he woke up he told him that he didn't want to tell his girlfriend about me and he'll just keep this one to himself. Which made me think that he regret it and everything but his roommate told my roommate that he never once said that he regret anything that happened between us.

That morning, I had work (I work for housing at my college, so I sit at a desk and help residents in our dorm lobby) so he sat in the lobby with me and we hung out and talked like normal. After my shift was done, Brandon, his roommate, my roommate and I all went to the diner for breakfast and he and I sat together on one side and our roommates sat on the other and he and I sat pretty close the whole time.

Before the party, we would only message each other on facebook. Today, he was out of building and I messaged him and he said "why did I never give you my number before? Here, just text me." I always felt like I was bothering him, messaging him first on facebook all the time but I don't think I was a bother to him now, since he gave me his number to talk to him on.

Finally, I have talked to every girlfriend of mine and told them everything and all of them said that he likes me and that's why he isn't telling his girlfriend about me.

So, my question for you is: why do you think he didn't tell his girlfriend about me even though he told her when he cheat every other time? I don't know his girlfriend so that wouldn't be an issue or anything. We're both fine, it isn't awkward or anything and we've even joked to each other about it happening but neither of us regret it so I think, deep down, even though we were both pretty drunk, that we wanted it to happen. I just don't know why he didn't tell her.

This is, indeed, a more in depth question to a previous one.

Thank you! (link)
I can understand your confusion but to someone a little older...its plain as day. :)

He didn't tell his girlfriend because he is cheating on her. I know what he told you, but people lie to get what they want. He wanted you, but do you really want someone like him? Think about it. He has already proved himself to be a cheater and a liar. If he REALLY cared for you, he would have left his girlfriend first & then pursued you.

You will do what you think is right for you. Just please realize that this boy has a history of cheating & lying.



Should a family of 9 be living in a 5 bedroom house or is that over crowding ? UK (link)
I think its big enough. My son has a family of 8 living in 3 bedroom house. Its plenty big enough. The kids all share rooms, but they don't seem to mind to much. They are a close knit family & get along well together.

I know kids like a room to themselves as they get older, but it isn't necessary. When you are a member of a large family you get used to being close I think.



What should I do to remove my leg hair? (link)
You can either shave it with a razor or buy & apply a hair removal product.


Hi I'm in pieces and don't know what to do. I've been with my husband 20 years we have a 10 year old daughter and 7 year old son we also foster a 6 year old girl. We seem to have everything you could dream of enough money, perfect jobs, joy and happiness, nice cars, perfect kids but where do you go from there when you've reached all your goals. I know my husband is displaying every sign of a midlife crisis and is struggling maybe even depressed. He's 38 & I'm 37. I found out 2 weeks ago he's been having an affair for 4 months with a girl 24 year old who has a toddler. When I found out he said he'd hoped I would because he was trying to break it off with her for a while. He says he feels sorry for her as she was physically abused by her babies father and her mam has kidney failure. I held him close while he cried for his loss after he ended it with her. We planned how we would try to save our marriage we researched on the internet how to cope with the addiction of an affair etc how all contact had to be severed and things have been great. We spent 24/7 together for 2 weeks, made love every day went out together and he showed me every text and call she sent him in the first week and we handled them together telling her to back off he wants to be with us. it seems he really wants to make things work. Even planning an expensive holiday for us in 5 months time. But I found him phoning her when he was drunk tonight in the toilet and I checked his phone and he'd been phoning her all day from the toilets while I was at a football match with him. He's saying he's been telling her all day she's not worth losing his family for but I don't know if I believe him why would he keep phoning her could it just be because of the huge amount of alcohol? He's begged me for another chance saying he slipped up and wants us he's broke down screaming in the foetal position asking me to help him. He broke his heart saying goodbye to the kids. I was so mad that he'd been speaking to her today and my lack of trust made it worse, I shouted at him really angrily telling him he's ruined our family and he's had his chance. so I phoned his sister to come and get him. He was in a hysterical state when they arrived and had to be helped out of the door. It broke my heart but I felt so betrayed! He came to me and said he was sorry when he left but I said I don't want to hear it. My daughter heard everything and is devastated. She's texting him and calling him begging him to love me and pleading for him to come back. I can't function I'm having what I think is a panic attack, struggling to breath, pounding head, vomiting, shaking etc I can't cry as my daughter is beside me. I don't know what to do, I love him so so much but I've sent him to his sisters and I don't know if I've been to hard on him and he won't come back. Should I call him to work on helping him again and try to save our marriage or should I leave it up to him to approach me? Thank you for listening I've got no one to talk to and would love a third parties perspective on this. Mandy (link)
From experience I know it can be repaired.

First, talk to your daughter & get her to understand that this is between you & your husband & has nothing to do with her. He is feeling enough guilt about it & she is just keeping it going. You also don't want her feeling like any decisions you guys make on this issue have anything to do with her.

You forgive him or you don't. That decision is yours & yours alone. If you decide you want to work it out, you will have to let it go. You discuss it, you let him know you are not going to put up with any phone calls to her. Drunk or not, there is no excuses. He either wants you or he wants her. He needs to decide.

He needs a new phone number. He best not be giving it to her. He has NO CONTACT (and neither do you) with her. No answering her phone calls, no telling her he is staying with you. She already knows that & is just pleading. To bad for her. She can go bug somebody else because yours is done with her. NO CONTACT. If he can't stick with that, you go your own way.

Remember, The decision is yours. Either way you will do fine. If you cannot get past it & decide to leave, do it. Do not let your children make you feel guilty one way or the other. It is not their decision to make. You both love them regardless.

Best of luck. It is not easy but it can be done.


Hello. Me and my bf had sex and my prriod.was due thursday but i recieved it on tuesday of last week. So in other words i was early . The first two days i had more blood then the other 3 . I havent had any signs of pregnancy and he didnt cum in me at all . So theres no chance of me being pregnant . But ive never had a period that wasnt very heavy . Could it be caused from.other reasons ? (link)
The amount of blood you have on any certain day of your period doesn't mean anything. So long as you have a period you can be pretty confident that you are not pregnant.

Being pregnant & still having a period is not unheard of, but it isn't common. ALWAYS have him use a condom. It is VERY easy to get carried away.

If you intend to be sexually active,
you should consider going to a free clinic, health department or planned parenthood and getting birth control pills. You can get them free or at a very small fee. Much better that the constant worry.


I may be pregnant after making the mistake of having sex. He used a condom and it's been 11 days since and I've experienced sore breasts, fatigue, and major boost in appetite. I started bleeding today but it's extremely light and not like my normal period and it's been off and on. Could I still have a possibility of being pregnant? I'm 15 (yes major mistake I know please don't lecture me)... (link)
It sounds like you started your period today. Even if it is light I think you are ok for now. Pregnancy symptoms don't come on that quickly either. Pregnancy is possible but not likely at this moment.

Condoms are not a guarantee you won't get pregnant. I got pregnant at 17 and it changes your life dramatically. Sex may not be a "mistake" but its really a big step at your age.

You really have much better things to do other than worry about pregnancy. Try to wait until you can get on a more reliable form of birth control such as the pill. Condoms are best used for STD prevention but they are risky as birth control.
Check for your local health department, planned parenthood or free clinic. They could get you on birth control for little to no cost to you.


Hi there everyone! I am looking for birdhouses that birds would actually like? I mean so many of them at the stores have sharp edges, are cramped and seem like they are just for decoration. Is there a place you can buy bird friendly ones? (link)
Try a store that sells farm type stuff. I really don't know what the names of any might be because I'm not sure if they are chain type stores. Around here we have Farm & Home & Tractor Supply. They sell stuff people use on farms but also jeans, boots, & bird houses. Might try the yellow pages in your area for "farm supplies".


Weird scenario where I disn't actually intend to send break up text. He got it though. I saw his profile on free dating site we had met on. I panicked and texted him. I explained I didn't really wanna break up and why had he jumped back to dating so fast? He said was just looking around and had no pics so noone knew who he was. Talked about taking some time and meet again later. Two hours later his profile was full of pics, including ones I had asked him to take for me and send me. Ugh. Why lie? Should I call him on it? I am hurt he lied. (link)
I don't see much point in talking to him again for anything. If he were interested in continuing a relationship he wouldn't have updated his profile on a dating site. You know his game now, it hurts but you will get over it. There are plenty of guys out there, go find you one of them good ones. :)


How to break up with a guy you really care about. We have been dating 3 months. He shows up to my kids sporting events I am not even divorced yet although paper work is filed. I was married 4 years separated in July. I want to focus on me getting more in shape. It's a constant battle inside my head do I want to be with him I do its just not the right time. He is a sweet man. He tells me how much he cares about me how he wants us to work. Although he is looking. (link)
I think you need to tell him that you are just not wanting to rush into yet another relationship right now. If the time were right you would know it.

He may just be the rebound guy that got you back into the game. I think he may understand if you talk to him about it. Maybe you could just be friends & see each other at kids games now and then. If you don't feel comfortable with that just tell him you aren't ready yet. That is perfectly normal & there is nothing wrong with that. :)


relationship question. I am desperate for advice. I am 22, my boyfriend is almost 23. we have been dating on and off since we were in 8th grade, so for over 8 years now. we do not live together, we each still live at home with parents. i am 8 weeks away from graduating from college with a 4 yr degree, i also work part time. he has not had a single job in his life, and also dropped out of high school senior year. does not have his GED. our relationship is extremely strained because of this. we cannot go out to movies or out to eat because he is literally broke. his parents are enablers and give him money once or twice a week. he spends the money (usually 10 bucks is given) on beer and lottery tickets.

he is on medication for anxiety, has many social issues and is basically afraid of people. he is really overweight and hates himself for it and always talks about how much he hates life. I love him but it is getting really depressing never being able to do much and i work so hard all the time while he literally sleeps all day and for fun gets drunk with his friends.

whenever i try to talk to him about any of this seriously his temper flares and he immediately shuts down. he has lots of anger issues and has yelled, and i mean yelled at me before and curses at me when he is angry even over something little. i know he loves me, and i feel selfish for saying that isn't enough, but it isn't anymore. i don't know what to do. the obvious thing is to leave but i am trying to do anything in my power to fix things before giving up. i have offered to help him study for his GED but he never brings it up. Thanks for reading. (link)
Oh wow. Razhie is right. You cannot carry on like this.

You grew up & got a life. He didn't. You can be friends with him but I don't think he is boyfriend material at all. You have to move forward.

He may try to sway you but I think you know what you need to do. Not an easy thing for you but you can't put your life on hold for this guy. Life is just to short sweetie. :)


Hey, I'll get right into it. I met this girl called Kelsey about year ago in my science class and some people joked about being married and i never thought much of it but over the last few months we've been talking more and more and the marriage joke had gone really far. Anyway we talk about everything, including our love lives. We talk most nights now and i really don't know if i've found a good friend or something more.

And if i do a crush on her what do i do about it(i know she still has feelings for an old boyfriend)
Thanks for reading! (link)
The best long term relationships start out as friendships. Take it slow & see what develops.
If she is just getting over a boyfriend you don't want to rush into a rebound relationship.

Keep up the talk & get closer. Ignore the jokers, they are just jealous. After a while, when she stops lamenting about the old boyfriend, ask her to the movies or a school dance & just see how it goes.

Good luck!




read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators


eXTReMe Tracker