Ask emilyy!

Advice Column | Ask a Question | View Feedback |

About emilyy

Ask Me For Advice
View Feedback
Make Favorite Columnist

Gender: Female
Age: 17
Member Since: July 4, 2006
Answers: 147
Last Update: January 3, 2009
Visitors: 7316

Main Categories:
Love Life
Mental health
View All

Favorite Columnists

I know this is pretty cliche, but I always hear things about how everyone doesn't like Canadians? Why is that? I know someone from Ontario, and she's really sweet. But other than that I know nothing about Canada. What's the big deal?

"They are drunks, who apparently have nothing better to do than have sex and get wasted and they've got some AWFUL tempers."

Let me use this as an example. Does alcohol or sex have anything to do with being Canadian? Absolutely not. When people begin to relate traits to a group of people they expect to have bad relations with them. It is ridiculous to believe that everyone from one country or race is going to be the same. As people mature and are exposed to a variety of people they begin to understand that where a person lives is not necessarily a good indication of how they will act.

I'm glad to see you are educating yourself and considering the facts before following anyone elses' opinions. It often only takes one individual to taint a person's opinion of a country. Being a Canadian, my opinion is both educated and biased. I know people from several countries and I have found that there are 'good' and 'bad' people everywhere. If you are still curious, try talking to more Canadians and form your own opinion of them, that is the best way to learn about a country and it's people.


i had this boyfriend about a half year ago and he took my cherry but cheated on me a month later. and then broke up with me. it really stung and i never got over him. i was mad at him for lying, and it nearly drove me over the edge.

we kept in touch for a while and reconciled our friendship. he asked me back out about 2 weeks ago. but the problem is i dont trust anything he says. we just had a fight because he told me he had something i really wanted, but wanted me to tell him something that i did the other night that i wouldnt tell him. i told him and he felt "bad" and told me the thing he had was a fake and said that he thought i'd tell him a lie.

i dont lie to him! the only thing i would lie about is if im feeling ok or if im happy. im a very depressed person but i dont want to worry him. and i told him that.

how is he supposed to earn my trust back?? what should i do? im really head over heels for this guy and we have a lot of fun and hes just really special to me and i dont want to lose him but i know i will if i can never trust him.

From what you have said, I firmly believe that this guy does not deserve you. Firstly, you need to understand that no one deserves to be cheated on and your situation would be especially difficult. If you are already feeling unhappy, this guy will either make that worse or you will become too attached to him and suffer immensely if you break up again. The day you realize you are independent and truly ready to be in a relationship is the day you should consider getting back together with him.

But then again, by that time you will be feeling confident and ready to explore new options. Once you overcome your emotions and feel happy you may be able to have a great friendship with him; however, even if you forgive him for cheating, I advise against forgetting what he did. He hurt you which likely took your self-confidence down a notch or two.

The reason you are having a hard time trusting him is because he does not deserve your trust. Right now he has power and control over this relationship. He cheated, you hurt, he left, you hurt more, he came back, and now you feel like you are the one with a problem because you don't trust him. Honestly, I wouldn't trust him either. You didn't deserve to be cheated on in the first place, no matter what the situation was.

This problem is deeper than it seems from a first glance. I know you are asking about him but you should be putting your energy into making yourself feel good first. Wouldn't you love to know that no matter what happens, you'll be okay? It takes confidence and strength. It sounds challenging, but it is the only thing you need to worry about, everything else will fall into place once you're self-confident.

If you have any questions involving how to be self-confident or relating to this question, feel free to ask me and I'll do my best to help you! No matter what you decide, good luck and keep in mind that you deserve a guy that will not make you feel upset or bad about yourself.


i am not really sstrong but i am not weak
everyone i know thinks im weak
even my teacher
me and some of my friends(who were girls) had to take some things up to a different class and a my teacher gave one of the girls more books than she gave me and she did this on purpose becuase i know she thinks im weak
what are some excercises i could do to get some better(if that is the right word) abs and pecs and basically all of my body muscles
such as sit ups and pull ups etc
and how many of those a day would i have to do for so long to get jsut the right amount of muscles so i can not have too much muscles but not look like arnold swarchnegger( i mean no critisism, he is awesome)
btw i also want a good body to impress some girls(lol)

If you take a look around at the guys around you, chances are most of them look very similar muscle-wise as you. You`re 13, you will spend the next couple of years growing taller so it is going to be difficult to 'bulk up' your muscles. Firstly, you need to eat! Foods high in protein (such as meats and dairy) will really help. When you`re hungry, eat. Avoid fast foods because you`ll be gaining far more fat by eating them and you want to be muscular and healthy, not overweight.

Do exercises everyday. If you can, join a sports team, your coaches will be able to teach you exercises. Running (long distance and sprinting) will be great to help you strengthen your entire body. Simple exercises such as push ups will help to build your upper body. There is no specific number that you should be doing in order to build muscle, it varies depending on the person. Work out (in the gym, sports, running, etc) until you need a rest. Do not do 'hard' work outs everyday, every couple of days do something simple like going for a short jog, then relax. You do not want to strain your body.

It is also important to drink plenty of water. Becoming dehydrated will not help your health in the least! Avoid sports drinks as they contain a lot of sugar in most cases. If you can, take a quick visit to your doctor and ask for his or her advice. Finally, get 8-10 hours of sleep every night. Your body needs to rest to be efficient and to grow.

You may wish to use a search engine such as google to look up more specific exercises. Good luck! :)


ok so im not gay or anything but im a sensitive person not like sensitive skin or anything but you should know what i mean
because of this my friends think im gay
i dont descriminate homosexuals i just am not one
so how do i get them to leave me alone and know im straight?

Don`t act like it`s a big deal. If they know it annoys you, they`ll never stop.

Ignore the issue or laugh it off and slowly show them you`re interested in girls. You don`t have to run out and get a girlfriend, just say 'she`s pretty' if you pass a good looking girl when you`re with your friends. You don`t HAVE to prove anything to them but judging by the average maturity of thirteen year olds it may be your best option. Of course there is nothing wrong with being gay but there`s no reason for them to say you are.. whether it`s true or not. Generally, being sensitive has nothing to do with being gay.

The majority of girls love guys who have a sensitive side, so don`t feel like it`s a bad thing either. Hopefully this helps you!


hi emilyy :]

you answered my question about my friend rob and how he is acting suicidal?
well i sent him a message on myspace and i was like, "well if this is bad enough im going to have to tell someone." and he said, "you wouldnt." and i said "i would." and then he said, "fuck off." so i left him alone.
what he said really bothered me.
what should i do? right now im just laeving him alone, but im still worried about him.

thank you :]

Thanks for the question!

You should probably go about this carefully to avoid having such offensive things said to you. His anger and quick temper may be a sign of his frustration. Do you ever feel like nothing is going right, then you get really mad at something small? This could be similar. You shouldn`t take what he said personally, although if you say something similar again he may continue to get mad.

You may want to refer back to my previous answer but again, you need to decide how serious you think he is about committing suicide. If you are really worried, you should privately tell a trusted adult and ask them to keep it a secret that you were the one to told. Since he posted his thoughts on Myspace, many people may be able to see it and he won`t know it was you.. although the fact you said you`d tell may be a major hint to him.

If you are concerned but do not think his life is in immediate danger, you could act like your last conversation with him never happened (very hard to do this, but it may be best for the final outcome) and continue to be kind to him. You could spend some time hanging out with him and try to cheer him up. Perhaps he is feeling overwhelmed (stress from school, friends, work, family, etc) and just needs a good friend to relax with to take his mind off things. Everyone goes through hard times once in a while so I`m sure he would really appreciate the attention. He may open up to you and tell you what`s bothering him, that would allow you to figure out the seriousness of his suicide threats.

It can be really difficult to judge a situation like this. If at any time you feel like he may be serious about committing suicide, don`t hesitate to tell an adult! You could save his life even if he seems mad at you for telling. You will be helping yourself and his family as well, as it is extremely difficult to deal with death for many people.

Once you make a decision, you can ask me anymore questions relating to the situation that arise. I hope this goes well for both you and Rob.


so there's this guy
and me and him were good friends
and we had this thing going on
and everyone started someing up to us and asking us if we were going out
and we'd be like noo
but now he seems like he's ignoring me
and i don't know why
i see him looking over at me a few times
from the corner of his eye
but idk
he still talks to me too
i know he used to like me
but idk about now
i think he does still
but he's sending mixed signals
today he was flirting with this girl right in front of me
and he never really flirts with her
soo i was wondering if he likes me and that's why he's avoiding me

He is definitely sending some mixed signals here. Maybe he likes you, or maybe he doesn`t and he`s worried about ruining your friendship - it`s hard to tell sometimes. If he is flirting with a girl infront of you he could be trying to make you jealous. If he has been acting this way for more than a week or two, you could casually ask him if something is wrong but he may not tell you the truth.

If you`d like, you could try being really friendly by inviting him to hang out with you (just the two of you, if that`s possible). If he used to like you (or still does) he would be more likely to be clear about it when it`s just the two of you.

When a guy starts sending mixed signals like that it can be really confusing. You should avoid sending mixed signals yourself by being friendly and flirty but not over the top. When you two hang out, gently brush against him (ie, your arm against his) and look directly into his eyes when you smile, then look away, then look back. Subtle clues like that will show him that you`re interested. Maybe he is just nervous and doesn`t intend to seem like he is avoiding you.

Good luck, just be remember to avoid sending mixed signals back, but don`t be too forward right away. If you feel like things are improving, you can tell him you like him as more than a friend. If you have anymore questions, feel free to ask me! :)


this girl we dated 1 time and we were happy and now i wish to date her again but she is kinda sad that i broke up with her last time i told her never will that happin again i love her i no she loves me what should i do plz help????????????? thanks

It`s best if the two of you can meet up in person and discuss this. Explain to her why you want to get back together with her - give her specific reasons. If possible, explain to her why you broke up in the first place and relate it to how you two can ensure it won`t happen again. The best way to convince her is by showing you how much you care by using specific examples. Let her know what is great about her and how much you appreciate her.

If you`d like, you could try to convince her to go on one special date with you to see if it`s worth trying to be together again. Put some thought into the date. Since it`s winter, going out into the snow, going skating, or warming up inside infront of the fire are all seasonally appropriate ideas. No matter what you do, be sure to tell her WHY you`d like to be back together and HOW you`re going to make it work this time. She will appreciate the care and effort you put into your relationship. Good luck!


I really would like to propose to my boyfriend on Christmas. I mean, it's not a matter of him saying yes or no. He has already proposed to me, it's just he's often implied that he wants me to.

But the problem is, I can't afford anything fancy. And I'm just not sure when to do it and what to give him. I want it to be special and he's just not good at being punctual.

I have about $50 to spend and I could prolly get a bit more. But anything he wanted that I was aware of, he has already ordered.

Any suggestions?

I think the $50 limit is a great challenge and you`ll really be able to prove how important your relationship is compared to money. You could start by making a list of less expensive things that both you and him love. You may wish to relate these items or activites to the winter and Christmas season. You could make a really memorable and enjoyable day rather than buying one item.

You could go skating, out for a drive, have a snowball fight, then back home for hot chocolate. Sounds childish, but these are simple pleasures that allow the two of you to enjoy spending time together. If you could find a wood burning fireplace (at your house?) that really enhances the ambiance. Of course you could always put together a small album of photos (include the ones from the entire time you`ve been together) and give it to him. Maybe you could bake him his favourite dessert, the gifts you put time into are always the best ones. If you`re at home, have his favourite (holiday) drinks on hand - again, hot chocolate.. eggnog.. something with alcohol if you`re of age.

If you`re creative and put some of your personal ideas into it, you could make a really great experience which would lead into the proposal. You could also consider making a set of clues to lead him around the house or yard to a small gift. Good luck :)


I'm 17 Female, and my bestfriend in the entire world is also 17 but Male.

I've known him since kindergarten (14years) and we've been best friends the whole time, now I kinda want to be more then friends but I don't know if he'll take it seriously when I tell him.

Telling him's not the issue I can do that bit..

If you feel that you are ready to risk the relationship that you already have by introducing the element of romance, you must do it convincingly. The best way to tell him is when the two of you are alone together. Try to be in a place that is meaningful to the two of you. He may be more inclined to feel the same way if you have a fun day of hanging out then settle in to watch a movie in the evening. Just make sure the few hours before have been fun.

Once you two are alone and feeling good about being together one-on-one, tell him WHY you enjoy it. The best way to be convincing is to not only tell him you`d wish to become more than friends, but tell him why. Think of these reasons before you tell him, if possible. These reasons may include something about how close you two are from knowing eachother for 14 years and how it allows you to trust him, if applicable.

If you give him specific reasons why you want to be more than friends, you have the best chance of having him take it seriously. If he is unsure, don't pressure him or feel upset. You two obviously have a great relationship as friends and there is nothing wrong with that! Good luck :)


my friend rob posted a bulliten on myspace saying that he was suicidal again. and he said that he had a knife and a lighter in his bedroom and he wasnt afraid to use them, he also said that meybe he'd add a rope in to and that he wasnt afraid to kill himself. should i tell someone? if i do, who do i tell? will he hate me? should i talk to him first?
he's a good friend of mine. i dont wanr him to die. please help me.

Firstly, you need to decide how serious this is. Has he attempted suicide before or hurt himself purposely? If so, go with the first option.

First option - This is a cry for help. By posting it on Myspace he seems to be looking for attention but it may be more serious than you`d think. If you feel he may actually attempt to hurt or kill himself, you NEED to tell a trusted adult immediately. You have many options ranging from your parents or guardians, his parents or guardians, teachers, counselors - they will know what to do. If you feel that he may be mad at you for telling, ask the adult to keep it a secret that you were the one to tell them about his behaviour. If he finds out it was you he may lash out and be mad at first. After time he may realize you saved his life and forgive you (not that it is wrong to tell someone!).

Second option - If you believe he is doing this for attention and you have some time and energy to spare, give him attention. Hang out with him whenever possible and make him feel good about himself and his life. Maybe all he needs is a little encouragement to become happier. Remind him of his talents and best qualities. Is he funny? Laugh at his jokes. Does he make you smile? Tell him. Is he reliable or trust worthy? Let him know you appreciate how good of a friend he is. These are just examples, you know Rob since you`re his friend so you`ll know what is appropriate to say to him.

Finally, do not let this place too much stress on you. There is a fine line between being a good friend and being a crutch. If you feel that his situation is putting pressure on you, tell an adult right away. If you need any more advice feel free to ask me! You`re being a very responsible and kind friend by wanting to help him. :)


How do you be yourself?

I a wonder about stuff like friendship and like my personality and when i ask my friend about these things she just says:

"Just be yourself."

How do I be myself?

Good question. First, you have to start figuring out who you are before you can just 'be yourself.' The best way to figure out who you are is to decide what you like. Do you like clothes? Sports? Smiling? Laughing? Math class? Make a list of things you love. If you enjoy sports, it doesn't necessarily mean you're a jock - maybe you find health, fitness, or competition interesting. From the list (you can write it down and refer back to it, draw it out, or make it up in your head) you may notice patterns. Do you love to laugh and smile? Maybe you're a funny or goofy individual. Next time someone says be yourself, you will know to 'let loose' and embrace your funny side. That is just an example, you will embrace the characteristics that you have listed.

The list will constantly be changing, which is definitely a good thing. As time passes, the list will become more dynamic. You may realize you are a lot more complex than you ever thought possible (some characteristics may seem 'opposite'). If you ever feel like you have 'lost yourself' or don't know who you are, a great way to find your 'path' is by deciding what you like and where you want to be in the near future. It's a lot more fun to think of what you 'like' than trying to explain who you actually are. This idea works because what we like & enjoy tends to come from our best natural qualities and talents. I hope this works for you! Let me know if you need any clarification or help. :)


how can i get my eyes to look like this? i have like brown/hazel eyes. i wear mascara and put eyeliner on the top and bottom but everytime i try to get that look like, there is something on the bottom underneath it always ends up looking like i have a black eye or something! i just want my eyes to look really bold! please no websites, they do not help me what so ever, trust me i've tried.

Everyone does the smokey eye a little differently, so feel free to alter these directions once you become comfortable with it. If you do not have some of these products, feel free to experiment with what you already have and consider purchasing them in the future.

You`ll need:
- a thin eyeliner brush
- an eyeshadow brush (most types will be fine)
- a white eyeshadow
- a beige eyeshadow (just lighter than your skin tone)
- a brown or grey eyeshadow
- a charcoal, chocolate brown, or black eyeshadow
- mascara
- eyelash curling tool


- apply the beige eyeshadow on your entire eyelid,
right from your lashes to the crease with a brush (if
you are not familiar with the crease, please google it)

- use the same brush in the brown (or grey) eyeshadow,
lightly apply this colour to the outer third of your eyelid,
start at the outer corner and bring it up to the crease

- use the eyeliner brush, dip it in a bit of water then in
the brown eyeshadow, use it on the outer half of your
lower lashline, smudging the colour into the lashes

- use the eyeliner brush again, make sure it is damp, then
use the darkest colour (chocolate brown, black..) and apply
a thin line, as close to your upper lashes as possible

- clean off the eyeshadow brush, use it to apply highlights
of the white eyeshadow to directly below your eyebrow
(under the outer half of the brow, starting at the arch)
then to the inner corner of your eye (near the tear duct)

- apply several coats of mascara then use the eyelash
curler just before it dries, this takes practice but is dramatic

- retouch any areas you would like to be more defined,
use the eyeshadow brush to darken the brown eyeshadow
at the outer corner of the eye near the crease

You`re finished! With practice you can do all of this in
five to ten minutes, depending on your technique. You can
also use pencil or liquid eyeliner for a more dramatic effect,
or thinly line the entire area of the lower lashes, but be
careful as this is the step that usually goes wrong (black eye).

Also, you can experiment with different colours (such as navy
blue eyeliner) or using shimmery or sparkley shadows for
the evening. The most important part is using a variety of
shades and blending them together for a more polished look.

Good luck, let me know if you need any clarification!

Here is an example (check out youtube for videos
of other people creating a smokey eye look too):


:)thank yew for opening!

well i cant find these anywere because i dont know what they are called "/:

but like does anyone know where i could get these:


What you are looking for is thigh high stockings and a garter belt. If you go to a lingerie store (such as Victoria's Secret) you will be able to find what you are looking for. If you shop around you may be able to get these items at a lower price. Good luck!

ps: If you are able to order these items online (do a search on google) you will find the best price.


My best friend, who i have been "talking" to for about 6 months now thinks i hooked up with his friend. he is really convinced and will not believe me. theres not much i can say besides i didnt do it. he said he needs to think about it. i just need some advice on how to let him know i care about him, and wouldnt do that. even better, if he does decide to forgive me, how do i gain his trust?

If he isn`t quick to believe what you`re telling him, it`s time to try a new approach. You should show him that you care. Set up a time for the two of you to be alone together and get some time to talk. You could go for a walk to a quiet place & look at the clouds or stars, out for coffee/etc, or out for lunch/dinner. After spending some quality time together wait for a good moment to tell him exactly WHY you care about him (what is really great about him?) and let him know that you would never want to risk losing him.

Give him some time to think if he says he needs it, but continue to show interest in the situation to show your dedication to your friendship. You can also try asking him how you can make him feel more comfortable with what you are trying to tell him. Showing this much interest in what has happened shows that you really care.

Be confident, if you believe in what you are trying to tell him it will all work out. Once he forgives you just continue to spend him with him and demonstrate that you are a dedicated, caring friend and you wouldn`t do anything to hurt him. Good luck, if you need any clarification or further advice feel free to ask me! =)


so i am a sixteen year old incoming senior. I have a good group of close friends and a large group of acquaintances. I get along with basically everyone. I can be shy in certain circustsnces but for the most part I'm outgoing and like being around people. For this summer I'm hostessing at a restaurunt at the beach, three hours away from home. I'm living with my older brother. My boss always compliments me and is in disbelief that I'm only sixteen. A group of friends also live and work here for the summer aswell.
I am pretty normal when it comes to my looks. I'm quite skinny, have naturally straight blonde hair, blue/green eyes. My friends say I have a cute butt, and that it makes up for my lack of breast-age. My skin is pretty good and I dont wear make up, glasses or braces. I'm average in height aswell and my style is preppy skater esque. I probably look like I walked straight out of a pacsun magazine.
So basically I'm cute and fun to be around, yet still mature for my age. Sounds like I have no problem right? Wellllll, I do. When it comes to guys and/or a love life, its non-existent. At home, all of my friends are in relationshops. And whenever I would have a crush on a guy a friend would hang out with him and they would start dating, or he would at least like her and forget about me. Its happened 4 times with my friends from home. Now I'm at a beach with my beach friends. Its kinda the same deal just worse. Its like I'm invisible to the guys here. My four best girlfriends from here hang out withthe lifeguards and the guardshave falling in love with them. I've met themand they kinda just brushed me off.
So I met this boy named andrew because he works at the icecream shop with two of my friends. Hes 17 and also a senior. My friends were all into getting him and I together. So we met and hung out and I got a crush on him. Now he likes one of the girls who was tryin to set me up with him, and she kinda likes him too. So basically I just cant figure out why guys arenot interested in me. My friends are better then me or it seems that way. Also, I always seem to develop crushes on guys, never is it a guy has a crush on me. And with my friends its always boy likes girl, and then girl is like okay! Does that make sense?
so idk, maybe some advice about getting boys to notice and/or like me...maybe thoughts about why they dont...idk. I'd talk about it toy friends but they'd just be like but we love you! And basically it does really suck and hurt and down goes my self esteem...thanks! :/

Btw I'm on my itouch so sorry for any spelling mistakes.

Well, you almost have what it takes to have guys lining up at your door to meet you. You know yourself quite well and you know your strengths/weaknesses. Now all you need is some time to become comfortable with who you are and to improve yourself in any way possible. If you become slightly more confident you will begin thinking differently.

Instead of worrying about why guys may or may not like you, you will be focussed on your life. When you life live for YOURSELF rather than for other people you can really become a great person. You should focus on developing the person you want to be - this happens naturally with time but you can speed up the process if becoming your personal best is of importance to you.

Don`t be afraid to challenge yourself. Wish you were a little more outgoing? Ask a cute stranger (guy) for directions. Just become comfortable approaching people in a less than intimidating situation. From what I`ve heard, guys love it when a girl is brave enough to make the first move. It shows that you are confident enough to approach a guy without worrying about rejection.

You may have the most wonderful, attractive friends in the world, but you`ll never meet your full potential if you are worried about matching up to someone else`s standards. If you live off of your own schedule and follow your dreams guys will see that you are not in a desperate search for a 'man' to fill the void in your life - now that`s attractive!

If you haven`t noticed already the process of becoming likable is about working on yourself. After spending some time to work on yourself you`ll be feeling great. Don`t search for the perfect guy, let him find you. If you demonstrate that you are confident and attractive (not just looks, your personality is what really needs to be attractive) guys will really start to notice you. I suggest that you make a list of everything your ideal 'self' would be and let it guide you.

Don`t worry about becoming 'fake' just because you set goals for who you want to be. Your preferences come from your desires and your desires come from your truest self. What I mean is that if you believe that being outgoing is a good trait then it has come from your true self and you can become it. I say this because people tend to pick up on the slightest 'changes' in others (mostly due to jealousy or fear of being overshadowed) .. in other words, don`t let anyone tell you that you are 'changing' because it is coming from within and its in your best interest.

My final few tips are more specific to attracting guys. Make sure you are always putting effort into your appearance as it shows that you care about yourself - & you never know when you might meet a nice guy! Continue to be friendly, this makes you more approachable, and it always helps if you smile. Don`t be afraid to start a conversation with the guy you are interested in. If you meet a guy you like don`t play hard to get, but don`t always be available either - you should have your own life and goals.

If you do meet a guy or already know one that you`d like to attract, feel free to send me a question that is more specific to the situation & I will try to help you out. Good luck =)


in school people are always talking shit about me, and i just go home crying or take it out on my parents. how do i not let what their saying get to me?

You need high self-esteem and a strong sense of self-confidence. This means YOU like who you are. Having people saying rude things about you can actually help make you more self-aware which is also going to help with the confidence. If they say something rude you are forced to think about it. Were they right? Of course not.

You know yourself way better than they ever will. You should be happy that you`re so interesting to them that they feel the need to try to drag you down before YOU get what they want. They`re jealous in almost all cases, you have something they want.

Make a list of everything great about yourself and add to it or change it at every chance you get. The more effort you put into enjoying your life and who you are - and actually improving yourself and your life - the happier you`ll be. Sure, part of you is always going to be annoyed with what they say. But maybe next time someone`s talking about you, you will be able to think 'haha, they`re so wrong.. if only they knew how great I am, too bad they`re too preoccupied being jealous of me.' I do realize that sounds 'stuck-up' among other things, but you`re going to have to be strong. No one knows what you`re thinking to yourself, but they`ll see the confidence that you radiate.

If you need any clarification or further advice feel free to ask a question directly to me. I have a lot of experience with people saying rude things about me and it`s actually helped me to become more self-aware. Chances are I`ll be able to help you turn this into an experience which will benefit you for the rest of your life. Good luck, keep your head up! =)


So there's this new law that if they catch you downloading copyright videos or songs (limewire, etc.) or catch you uploading copyright video's onto youtube than they will be fined $500 dollars for songs and videos and $20, 000 for youtube video's.
and so on.
so, i have been downloading off limewire for a couple years now and thats the only way i get songs, if there really is a law like that now, would i have to get all my songs off of Itunes??

Here is one of the paragraphs from the article:
"The federal government has introduced a controversial bill it says balances the rights of copyright holders and consumers — but it opens millions of Canadians to huge lawsuits, prompting critics to warn it will create a "police state.""
"People caught downloading music or video files illegally could also be sued for a maximum of $500, but uploading a file to a peer-to-peer network or YouTube could result in lawsuits of $20,000 per file."

here's the link so you can read the whole thing, its on CBC, so I assume it is not a scam...

Thanks =)

You`re right, this is not a scam. The Canadian government, however, is not particularily interested in catching the more 'casual' users - such as people downloading music off of limewire. They are really trying to hit those who actually upload the content for those to download. It would be extremely tedious to fine every Canadian that has downloaded content from the internet. With this said, there is valid reasoning behind this law. If you`re getting music for free, the music industry is going to suffer. No one needs music stores or to pay for songs/CDs if they can simply download them for free. This issue should continue to be on the news and in the media, so your best bet is to follow any updates. Basically it`s your choice if you`re going to take the risk of getting fined but now it`s not only morally wrong but also illegal to be downloading music without paying.


So here goes:
My dad was in the military for a long time. Several decades you could say. So, my whole life, we'd move around to a new duty station every 2-4 years. I'm fifteen now and my dad finally retired. Now I'm living in my 'permanent house'.
But I'm coming up on my fifth anniversary of living here and I'm feeling antsy. Like, I feel like it's time to just get up and leave you know? This is the longest I've ever lived in one place...
I feel as though I've subconsciously already 'prepared' for the move that just isn't going to happen. I've had falling-outs with most of my friends and I've gone through and gotten rid of stuff in my room that I don't feel I need wherever we're going. But we aren't going anywhere. I stopped caring for my relationships for other people and so on a few months ago. And now looking back, I think it's because I figured I'd have a chance to start over in a new place. But I don't.
It's basically just that my mind I suppose thought I was leaving. But I'm not. So now my life is a mess and I don't know how to set it right.
Is there any way to break this cycle of 'preparing' to move?

Moving is something you have grown accustomed to as you have stated here but now you must live in one place for at least a few more years (you may move away after high school). Slowly you will find the idea of living in one place normal but for now you could really use this as an advantage. Your life is a clean slate, you need to meet new people and redecorate your room in a new way. Take this as an opportunity to improve yourself and your life, it will be a challenge but very rewarding if you commit yourself.

If you can, try to meet new people. Join a sports team, get a summer job, volunteer, or join some sort of a club. Maybe you`ll meet some new people that you never had gotten to know before. If you are into this you could give yourself a makeover before school starts again. Maybe get a new outfit and style your hair in a different way - as far as you want to take it. You can also work on your personality, build your self-confidence and let your true self shine through. You won`t have actually moved, but you can still enjoy the 'fresh start' opportunities.

Your room is a place that you can go to relax. You should make it welcoming and somewhere you feel comfortable. It`s time to settle in and make your room a place you enjoy spending time - you no longer need to worry about leaving it.

Once you really settle into your room and develop your personality and life you may never want to leave. Your old friends may be attracted back to you, if they`re not you really don`t need them. Reconnecting with them may take time but could be well worth it. Good luck, let me know if you need clarification on anything I said, or anymore help. =)


I feel so bad about everything about me. My personality, who I am, my life, my race, I just really don't like who I am. Everytime I make a little mistake i go over it again and again in my mind just telling myself how stupid I am and how everyone's going to remember it. I hope I don't sound complainy, but that's just how it is. Could there be something wrong with me?

No, there isn`t anything wrong with you. There is, however, something wrong with your state of mind. Every single thought determines your outlook on the world and ultimately this leads to how confident and happy you are. Every time you think a negative thought about yourself or your actions, your self-confidence takes a hit. Meaning each negative thought makes you more insecure. It`s okay though, knowing that you aren`t happy with who you are at least means you are self-aware.

I could write forever about each step you need to take in order to turn your life around, but it all revolves around one thing: your outlook. The perspective you see the world from counts for everything. The most important step in adjusting your outlook is being conscious of your thoughts. Everytime you think something negative you must ALSO think something positive about yourself or your life.

At first you may have difficulty, but after a while you will see that everyone has something special about them, and your life is always 'better' than the life of someone else. You need to appreciate who you are, because if you don`t, no one else will either. I`m not sure your age or gender but that will also influence the advice I am giving you. If you are a teenager you still have many years to mature and learn to love yourself.

Feel free to ask a question (in my inbox) for further information. I can give much more specific advice if you describe a situation which made you dislike yourself or your actions. With that said, knowing your age and gender may also influence my advice. Good luck, and I`d be glad to hear from you in the future! =)

I would suggest you spend an entire day pampering yourself (do everything you love, see your friends and family, relax, take time to think, get a good rest). This will make you more self-aware and put you in the right mindset to start working on appreciating who you are - it`s pretty nice to take a day for yourself, too!


I started dating this guy about a month ago. We met at a bar and hit it off right away. We just became exclusive this past weekend, and I was really happy.

Unfortunately, a bundle of shitty relationships has got me paranoid about everything in a relationship. I've dated many guys, but always hesitated when it came to having an actual boyfriend.

If he doesn't call, I assume that something is wrong. Not even about him dating other girls or whatever-- but more so, the fact that he could change his mind at any moment, and I'll be back to nothing. It's clear that we want each other, when we're with each other. But, any time in between I spend wondering why he's not calling, and if it's because I did something wrong and it gave him second thoughts.

I don't want to push him away, or sabotage the relationship like I have in the past. I like this guy a lot and I want to make the most out of it and not worry about what he's thinking all the time.

So to my question.. what is it that keeps a guy from waiting so long to make a call? If it takes more then a few hours, when is it okay to just call him? It feels new, and awkward. But it mostly feels like maybe we rushed into things since I'll still too uncomfortable with my security.


I don`t think the important matter here is calling. I`ll try not to make this too long, but what do you want from a relationship? You don`t want stress, that`s for sure. If something happens and it doesn`t work out you need to realize that you don`t NEED him, you live your own life. With that mindset you can go into the relationship with less worry, and therefore, you will enjoy it more. Just take a deep breath and realize a relationship should benefit your life, not take away from it. If he doesn`t call, go do something you enjoy doing. If it happens more than once that he doesn`t call, just phone him up the next day and ask if everythings alright. By having your own life and not needing him you will keep him more interested anyways! Trust him entirely, anything he does won`t hurt you too much. If it`s not meant to be, it won`t happen - I don`t think anyone can argue that. If he does something to lose your trust move on with your life and leave him. You shouldn`t have to worry that he has bad intentions or he will change his mind - that`s not why you want a relationship, is it? You want someone that you will enjoy spending him with. Basically, keep control over your life and emotions. If this relationship isn`t benefitting your life then you don`t need it. With that said all you need to do is relax a bit and see if things work out for the best. Good luck =)


<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>

eXTReMe Tracker