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Q: So I have these two friends, lewis and tommy. tommy I like and just started hanging out with the past month. And lewis I have known for about a year and we tell each other everything, including how much i like tommy. now lately lewis has been kinda grrr whenever i talk about him and i was like ok whatever, and then a few days ago they call me threeway and both tell me that they both like me. . . they are best friends and have been since 7th grade....so u see my dilemma. also tommy says he likes me but doesnt wanna do a relationship.....lewis says he likes me but im not for sure how i feel about him yet...but either way they are best friends and i dont want to be the one to wreck their friendship....yet i feel a little awkward about the whole situation...are things gonna change? Will i still be able to talk to lewis about thing? will we be able to stay friends? i have been thinking a lot as you can tell. please help.....any help you can give at all small or big would be greatly apreciated. thanks
Well, to being with, Tommy has already told you he doesn't feel ready for a relationship. That's your clue right there to not pursue him. As for Lewis, you need to just tell him how you feel about him. Tell him you love him to death as a friend and don't want to lose your friendship; but you aren't sure if you feel the same way he feels about you.
There's nothing wrong with choosing not to be with either one of them. Especially if you feel guilty coming between their friendship. Plus, you don't want to wind up dating one while having feelings for the other.
I would simply explain to both of them that you respect them and their friendship too much and are choosing not to be with either of them as more than friends.

Q: I am fifteen, a girl, sophomore. Here's the story. I met this guy the summer before my freshman year. People told me he was a player and just wanted to use me but no, I saw something different. And so we started talking and he was funny and sweet and nice and I started to like him and he liked me back. We started dating and it was great. He was my first boyfriend and my first kiss. I have never been happier than i was those first four months. He made me feel so special. But he is sixteen at the time, a sophomore, and I was fourteen, a freshman. And he told me how the girl he was with before, well he fingered her. This scared me. I thought, I dont wanna do that stuff, I'm not ready but he assured me that our relationship meant more to him than the physical stuff. But things started changing. We would hang out and be making out and he'd try and slip a hand down my pants but I'd always pull it out. We never talked about it but it kept happening. Finally, I let him finger me. Next he started asking for handjobs and I would say no but... I gave him one. I didn't know what was happening at the time but I started to get sooo whipped. Anything he told me to do I'd do, just in general. I was going through some rough times with my friends and parents so he basically became my life. He was the only thing I thought was going well. I couldn't lose him. He told me he loved me. And I told him we were too young but eventually I said it back. And I began to feel it to. I really did love him in all of my twistedness. But he began to grow distant and the more he pulled away the more I clung to him. Thigs were falling apart but I couldn't let go. He forced me to look him in the eye and he told me he loved me. So when he asked for a bj I did it... I trusted him. He dumped me four days later in a text message. I asked how he could say he loved me on day and then four days later not want a thing to do with me. He said we were never in love. He said we were too young. We dated all school year, broke up on the first day of summer. It was the worst summer of my life. He told people how far we went; that I put out. I told him I hated him. I said horrible things to him but I still wanted him back. He moved on quickly. It broke my heart to see him flirt with other girls and hear rumors of his hook ups. It tore me to pieces. In the middle of the summer he said he wanted to apologize for how he handled everything, that he was an ass. (all in text of course). But I wouldn't accept his apology. School starts again and I yelled at him. For such a stupid reason... He ignored me and I sent him nasty texts. I felt bad after and tried to apologize but he said he doesn't care. He doesn't wven want to be friends. And I think I still love him... It's been eight months since we broke up and not a single day goes by that I don't wish he wanted me back too. I think about him 24/7. I texted him the other night because it actually wasnt until a few weeks ago that I noticed how clingy I was in our relationship. I used to blame everything on him but I know I had a part in our relationship failure and I wanted to apologize. It was in text. He said he appreciated it and we had a nice little conversation but I texted him a few days ago and he said yup and then didn't reply... He knows I want to be friends and he kind of knows I still like him (I think) but I don't think he wants a thing to do with me. But I'm miserable without him. I don't understand. It's been so log since we broke up and Ive done the hook ups, the hanging out with your girls, the finding new hobbies, I even went a week pinching myself whenever I thought of him. I dated another guy but I broke up with him recently because I know o still want my ex. I just don't know what to do. I'm desperate right now and I want to be happy again but I feel like it's neve gonna happen. I know I'm young. Don't tell me that. That's not going to take away any of this pain and I want it gone. I just need help on getting through this. And not a lecture.
Oh hun, I've been there. Thankfully, the man I loved never saw me enough to get physical. But, I promise you; even if he were to take you back your relationship wouldn't last. Unfortunately, you fell in love with someone who isn't worth your time. I'll see if I can give you a few tips on how I got over my boy.
-Firstly, stop blaming yourself. Maybe you were clingy, maybe you were this. But that's not your fault. A real man, a man worth your effort, will communicate with you about it. If he had cared, he would have explained how he felt about how you were acting in a respectful way. Key to a strong relationship: communication. Remind yourself that all he did was use you and persuade you into doing things you didn't think you were ready for. Even if he has apologized to you, it's doubtful he means it. He just wants to seem like a good guy and not the scum that he really is. It isn't your fault; it's his.
-Secondly, give yourself a mourning period. Say, four days. Let yourself cry, wish for him, curse him, watch sappy movies, curl up and eat your comfort food. Then after your days are up, swear to yourself not to let him get under you like that again. Don't let yourself cry over him, remind yourself he isn't worth it. He never will be. Not for you.
-Thirdly, cut off all connection from him. And I mean, delete his Facebook, his phone number, throw away any pictures or gifts he's given you. Completely remove any aspect of him in your life. I know it sounds hard. I was torn up over my ex for over a year. But after I wrote him a letter explaining to him I was never going to speak with him again and removed all memories of him, I felt instantly better. If there's nothing there for you to physically look at or holdon to, it'll be easier to forget about him.
-Fourthly, make yourself busy. I know you said you've hung out with your girls, found new hobbies, etc. Try again. But the hobbies don't have to be new things. If there's something you've always loved doing, do it. Don't give yourself enough down time to even think about him. Learn to not only love spending time with others but spending time with yourself as well.
-Finally, if you need to, write yourself a reminder of the reasons why you're amazing on your own.. without him. Put it somewhere you can see it every day and read it. You DON'T need him. You're better than him and better than the poor relationship he put you through.

I promise you, you will get over him in time. You just need to stop holding on and hoping for him to change and want you back. You can do it. I got over my ex after roughly a year or so of heartache and have been with my current boyfriend for almost 3 years and I've never been happier.
I know it seems bleak now, but you CAN move on.

I hope this helps you and if you need any more advice, feel free to ask. :)
-Fox

Q: I have a history of being in bad abusive relationships and I think I have finally found the one guy who will treat me good. I want to make sure that were as happy as we can be. I was just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to make a relationship last. He is a really great guy and I love him to death and I don't want us to end up like half od the people in the world who fall out of love. I don't want to be just his friend. I want to always feel the way I do now. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I don't want to ever lose him.
Unfortunately there is no special formula to making a relationship last.
Just be yourself with him. If he's treating you well and you think he may be 'the one' so-to-speak, then there's clearly something that drew him to you to begin with. Don't try to change yourself or anything like that.
Also, try to keep the spark going. Don't fall into doing the same routines over and over again. Every once in a while do something spontaneous. Or surprise him with a gift. Or go do something both of you have really wanted to try to do. Or volunteer somewhere together.
Also, be sure to always communicate with him. If he's truly a great guy, he'll want to know how you're feeling and have an open line of communication. If you're ever having doubts, if you're upset, if you just want someone to share your thoughts and dreams with.. or if you just want to tell him you love him, do it.

Warning though. Eventually, you'll move out of the "honeymoon" phase. You won't always feel as head over heels as you do now, but as long as the two of you are honest with each other and love each other, the next stage can be just as fun.
A relationship takes work and there is no guaranteed method for maintaining one. You can just do your best to appreciate what you have now.

Congratulations on falling in love. :)

Q: so im 17 yrs old from canada. im in a long distnace relationship with a guy who is also 17 and lives in the usa. 9 hrs and 36 min away from me. We talk every day on skype and have been for 10 months. We love eachother to death! we have so many things in common and even our birthdays are right after eachother. My family knows about him as well as his about me. my dad has talked to him and i have in ways talked to his. He plans on coming up here in the summer for a couple weeks to see me cause we have never meet in person. ...he just hasnt got the ok from his parents yet...and i really hope they say yes.

What im really askin here is, its the hardest thing i have ever done, parents arent really for it and some friends arent eiether which make it hard. Is there anyone who is in the same situation and still together...married maybe? What was it like meeting for the sametime? awkward? and advice? I really want to get peoples advice who are or were in a long distance relationship. Thank you so much for your time!
Mm, I haven't been in that specific situation, but I did meet my current boyfriend of almost 3 years online. We happen to live in the same town, though not everyone was a fan of our relationship, particularly because he's almost 4 years older than I am. And our first meeting was excruciatingly awkward, but we'd only been talking for a couple weeks. And once we started walking around things eased up and it was great.
However, I have a friend who met her fiance online as well. They talked online for several years and when they finally met it was the most incredible thing she'd ever experienced. They now live together and are getting married this summer. As long as you're completely honest with each other in who you are when you talk online, you should be fine meeting in person. I guarantee it will be a little bit awkward. You'll both be giddy and nervous and excited. But you'll get through it.
As for if your relationship will last, only time can tell. You're both very young and you'll be going through a lot of changes as you go on to college, etc. The best thing you can do is listen to your heart.

bio
curiousfox
You can call me Katalina, Kat, Fox.. whatever suits your fancy. I haven't been on this site in a long time so I thought I'd make a new account. I don't remember my old one.

I'm told I give good advice. So, I figure I'll give it a shot again. Got a question? I'll do my best to answer you. :)

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