I'm a 14 year old girl so obviously I'm old enough that I know a good amount of curse words (though I generally don't use them of course) and about sex and everything (I don't have sex of course) from health class. My parents think that I'm so innocent though and they try to shelter me! I learned a lot from health class, friends, and experience but they think that I don't know anything. I haven't even gotten "the talk" yet and learned to take care of my period myself. I just feel like they don't know me.

I have to agree with Razhie. The world changes so fast today, much faster then when we were your age. Forgive us if we want to keep our children young and innocent for as long as possible. That being said I realize some parents do take this a little to far thinking that by keeping things from them they are keeping them innocent. As a general rule this will come back at them in the wrong manner as the child grows older.

You seem to have a good handle on right and wrong regardless of the fact your parents are trying to keep you young and innocent. It is not that they don't know you, I'm certain that they do. They are trying to ignore the facts in front of them and so doing feel they can keep you as they wish too. This is wrong in my book though they are your parents and they must raise you as they see fit.

For your part until you are 18 and legally an adult there is not a lot you can do to change things. What I can suggest is that possibly you ask mom for some you and her time. Maybe lunch or a shopping trip at the mall. Someplace where you two can sit quietly for aa few moments and you can explain the facts of life as they are to you. How what she and your dad are attempting to do is not protecting you or keeping you innocent but quite the opposite.

I can't promise this will change anything between you and your parents. You will have least tried to advise them that the world around you is changing. One other alternative if mom does not accept what you tell her is to speak with an Aunt or Uncle who she is close to and trusts and who understands what the world is like for teenagers.

Whatever the outcome is please stay respectful to your parents for I know they have only your best interest at heart. I know you don't see that I am asking you to take this on blind faith as this is the truth for most all parents. When you turn 18 then you can do as you please and be in control of your own life.


My life is a living hell always says always will be. When i was 4 or 5 my sister took me into a room and offered me candy to say that my dad had 'touched me' which he did not. Being the five year old i was i did it, and that was the start of it all. My dad went to jail and at the time i did not know what i did. The only thing i wanted was to give my daddy a hug. I waited in the same spot for a week waiting him to come back, then i realized he was not coming back.

I was about 13 when these one words triggered me 'everything that ever happened in your life was all your fault' my sister said to me. those little words made me feel terrible about myself. Because i thought it was all my fault. After that every time i would make a mistake i would start crying because i thought i messed everything up.

One time when me and my sister where sitting on the couch i saw a bug and i started to freak out. She told me to kill it but i couldn't i was too scared then when she went to get a shoe she came back and it was gone. She started screaming and yelling at me "Do you know how much of a f*ck up you are, I wish you where never born"

I started crying and shaking and i couldn't breath, but she just kept yelling at me, I went to get up and i started getting blurry vision. I stumbled into my room and started crying even more.

I cant leave mt sister because she lives with her dad and i live with my mom and we live together because my mom can afford her own place.

I guess the question I'm trying to ask is how can i get over my fear of making mistakes. I'm 15 now and this has been happening straight for the past two years. Its taken over my life and i need help. I need to get over this fear.

What you need is psychological counseling to help you deal with this. If you cannot talk with your mom about getting this type of help then I suggest you talk to a trusted teacher or your school principal. They will know who to call to get you this type of help. Your sister is the one responsible for all this and she is mentally abusing you and has been. She too needs psychologically counseling to find out why she is doing this and getting her to stop.

If your dad is still in prison; you also need help in recanting what you said and hopefully getting him out of jail. Your therapist would be a good person to ask for help with this.


I live with my mother and stepdad, but a few weeks ago while walking with my grandmother, I came across my biological father and we made small talk and exchanged cell phone numbers. I haven't seen him in almost a decade and I really want to get to know him again as he does me. The problem is that him and my mother did not have the best history as I was growing up and now that I'm 22 I'm nervous that she may find out that I am in touch with him. Should I tell her or shoyld I keep it a secret?

The one overriding fact her is your age. You are 22 an adult fully responsible for your own life. Getting to know your biological father is important for several reasons. First and foremost you need to know your fathers medical history and the medical history of his parents. This is very important to your medical history. A lot of a person’s medical life happen in a decade that your mom is not aware of that may be important to you and later to your children should doctors need it in treating you.

Then there is the fact that parents are not always honest with children about why they split up. I'm not saying mom has lied to you. What ever happened between them was really between them and did not involve you. Your parents may have decided to shield you from whatever happened. His I'm sure has given you a one sided view of the divorce maybe even one that paints a bad picture of your dad.

You are old enough now to be able to separate the fiction from the non-fiction and decide for yourself what happened. You are also entitled to have a life with your father if you want one. There may come a day when you walk down the aisle to be married and you may want your father to walk you down the aisle. This is totally your choice for it will be your wedding. But your dad can only do so if you ask him and only if you have gotten to know him and trust him.

You have been fortunate that I believe your grandfather has been able to stand in for you absent father. Wouldn't it be nice when you have children if they had both a father and grandfather to depend on?

Remember whatever the problem was it was between mom and dad. You have every right to know your father and I suggest you do not hide it from your mother that you have made contact with him. If she objects first inform her of the first reason I gave you. Then tell mom of the fact that you are an adult and you have a right to know your father if you want to. That she divorced your father you did not.


I am 24 years old. My father has done everything he can to provide for my family and myself and he has definitely succeeded. We have not had a good relationship since I was in middle school maybe 12/13 years old. Nothing he did just never really bonded or gave him the time of day I suppose. I know this hurts him. Fast forward to present day, I have been dating a sweet boy for almost 2 years. He has tattoos and because of this my dad refused to meet him in the beginning. A few months into the relationship, he asked me if we were sleeping together and I replied honestly that we were. This pretty much ruined whatever little bit of relationship I had with my dad, he said he was ashamed and no longer had respect for me and not to mention even more refusal to ever meet my boyfriend. For the past 2 years we have had several arguments over my boyfriend. Yesterday, my dad told me to end the relationship (we had a previous fight about egg donation, i signed up my dad wasn't happy with it and said my boyfriend has no respect for supporting my decision to possibly donate eggs) and if I didn't he would disown me. So I broke up with my boyfriend right after that conversation. I feel this was the wrong decision for several reasons:
1. I still love him
2. The relationship is succeeding
3. Boyfriend had no say of our outcome
4. My father made the decision
5. This was also said out of anger
6. Dad still has not met boyfriend
So I suppose what I am seeking advice for is what I can do in a situation like this. He pays for my school (I am in my last year for my BA) and I still live at home. I am hoping to move out within the next year but would like to do so peacefully and mutually. Was I wrong for ending things with my boyfriend because it's what my dad wanted? I am so torn, I don't want to lose my dad but I also don't want to lose this relationship especially on these terms. I feel my dad is manipulating me, help!!

'm sure there is a little more to this story than what you wrote. As an advisor of many years and someone old enough to be your grandfather I understand we receive the reader’s digest version of these problems.

Yours is a little different of a problem in that in general it is father and son or mother and daughter that don't get along in the teenage years. In general though by the time a person reached your age the parent usually understands THAT THE CHILD IS NO LONGER A CHILD BUT AN ADULT IN THEIR OWN RIGHT. At age 24 you most certainly are an adult.

With being an adult comes certain rights among them are the right to a sex life and the right to pick and choose who you want as friends and significant others. I believe your father for some reason does not see you as an adult this is problem number one. Now most fathers with a daughter will always see their daughters as their little girls even when they are all grown up and have a family of their own. That is just the way father and daughters are. The difference is that most fathers do see their daughters as adults but still want to protect them. Your father has not made this transition, he is a controller and controllers never change.

Your father has made a judgment of this young man based on tattoos. To be honest I'm not a fan of tattoos but I would never make a judgment based strictly on them. Your father is judging a book by its cover and this is wrong. It is also shows your father to be very judgmental a trait of someone who is a controller.

Why your father is a controller I can't say. One reason is a character flaw and another is part of a mental illness possibly some type of depression. The first can't be fixed but can be taught how to correct. The other is fixable through therapy. Problem is the controller has to realize the problem and want to correct it which is something you cannot do for them.

After this all said and done you have the possible why of it all and yes your dad is manipulating you. He has no reason to do so and you have no reason to listen other than to be a good daughter. Listen to what he has to say, take it into consideration and make your own decision. You are an adult; you are responsible for your own decisions regardless of whether you live at home or not.

In essence it is like if you decide to rob a bank, the fact that you live at home at your age does not make you a child. You will be seen as an adult and treated as one. The same goes for how you live your life. If dad threatens not to pay for the remaining college apply for Pell Grants, and other grants available to you. Take out student loans to cover the difference and finish college. Then get a job and move out.

Most important is for you to be an adult and try to keep some type of peaceful coexistence between you and your father. That does not mean giving up the man you love to placate him. It means there are other ways to exist in your home without arguing with him every day.


I'm 16 my mom sells prescription painkillers, ill leave it simple as that. I need to know that if I turn it in since me and my dad know about it and have for sometime what will happen to us? If my dad is arrested with my mom will I get to choose to live with family, and will I be charged for withholding information for this long or will I be let off Scott free. Also I put my hands on one of the bottles to take a picture of it in better lighting so could my mom blame the drugs on me? Basically what all could come out of this whole ordeal

Last question first. Mom is selling prescription pain killers so I assume the prescriptions are in her name. By your turning her in you become the key witness. Generally speaking the prosecutor will not prosecute a key witness even when it is proven they are involved. Generally the prosecutor will trade witness testimony for a lesser charge or no prosecution at all for an involved witness.

My feeling is you and your dad would not be in any trouble. Even though you may have known about it for some time circumstances play a big part in why you may not have come forward before. Now if by chance and this is a very little chance, your dad is somehow found to be involved. Children's services will always try and place children with a loving relative before making them a ward of the court and placing them in a foster home. That being said initially a child could go to a foster home while Children's services arranges for a family member to take the child.

As for the withholding of information: I'm not a lawyer or prosecutor so I can't say for certain. If you were older maybe they would look at you for withholding information but given your age I can't see them doing so. As long as you are not actively involved in what you mom is doing and you’re doing the right thing by turning her in. I do not see where justice would be served by prosecuting you.


My brother in law had a heart attack, we have been doing his share of the work in our business for nearly a year. He isnt well enough to probably ever work, but he wants his income to continue so he wants us to keep doing his work. He has been careless in every aspect of his life, has substantial debt, and lives a lifestyle that will eventually kill him. How do we shake him loose? My husband is exhausted from all the extra work, I am frustrated and want to leave, my son feels like a slave. All we do is fight over this, we need him to stop being a burden to us.

You said OUR business. By this do you mean a family business that he is part owner of; or is it you and your husbands business that he is employed by you and your husband. This is important for legal reasons.

If your brother in-law is part owner of the business then you need to consult a lawyer to have the Corporation papers or partnership papers reviews to see if they cover such a situation. If so then you just need follow the bylaws of the Corporation or Partnership agreement.

If there is no clause covering such a contingency then I would thing the lawyer would suggest you have the business evaluated by an independent CPA firm, probably one the lawyers office works with. To evaluate the worth of the business. Once you have a certified evaluation of the business you and the lawyer can make an offer to buy out your brother in-laws share of the business. He can accept, reject or make a counteroffer.

Your brother in-law might just flat refuse to sell his share. That's fine, you the ask the lawyer if there is anything that requires you to continue his salary. You see as a shareholder all he probably is entitled to is a return on his investment based on the shares of the business he holds. This would be based on the profits at the end of the business year. Which you would send him a check for after the accountants have closed the books for the year. Of course having the books certified each year is a business expense that comes before profit so this would lower the profits reported at year end.

Having only to pay your brother in-law his due profit, if any at year end would allow you to stop paying his salary and hire someone to do his work.

Everything depends on how the paperwork for the business is written. If there is no formal agreement then the most you may owe him is a return of any money he invested plus interest. This is why you need to see a lawyer and find out exactly where you stand legally.

Since this is family what I suggest is you have your brother in-law apply for social security disability. Once he is approved you then can stop his salary.


I have two teenage daughters who have been blessed with musical talent and beautiful singing voices.There is a talent show at our county fair every year and they want to participate. I am almost certain one of them would win or place as a runner up. Therein lies the problem! They have a close loving relationship but they are extremely competitive with each other when it comes to music. So far I have never allowed them to compete against each other because I am afraid this could create a permanent rift between them. I have tried to encourage them to sing together as a duet but they refuse. Should I allow them to compete individually and possibly damage their relationship for life?

This is a tough question to answer. To my mind it falls under the heading; Damned if you do, Damned if you don't.

At some time in their lives they will compete with each other. When this happens the question become how will they handle the outcome? This is an unknown and not something even a mother's intuition can foresee.

Seeing this and knowing that the day will come that they will compete against each other my question to you is: Would it not be better to allow them to compete know while you are with them? In this manner you can prepare them for the fact that only one of them can come in at First place the other in a follow up position. You can have discussions now ahead of time as to how they will handle this between them and what you will expect of them.

My feeling is that allowing them to compete now should be based on the following. They must agree:

1. The final decision is yours that you will make just before competition time. They may register but you may withdraw them before hand.

2. You tackle the problem ahead of time through meaningful discussion with them about possible outcomes. Which would include one of them winning or neither of them winning.

3. The meaning of competition, sportsmanship and what it means to them as sisters.

Based on these discussions before hand you can then decide if you want them to participate. By tackling the problem before rather than after I believe will allow for a more meaningful discussion rather than for damage control after.


My sister never takes no for an answer and sometimes it gives her a feeling that she is allowed everything and everyone must do whatever she asks. Like she never handed me a shoe to kill a spider even if she was next to one and she expected me to kill a spider and another she never let's me in her room and whenever she wants to borrow my clothes and I say no becaude you never return any favors she gets mad and slams my doorand pulls huge sissy fits. What can I do? I hate fighting but the sense of authority she has is mind-blowing and it makes me feel like she never gives me any respect.

What you two have is a bad case of sibling rivalry. You both want the other to respect you and to accede to your wishes. The older of the two of you may just be jealous of the attention the other gets from your parents. All of this is unfortunately quite normal and will go away as you both become adults and have families of your own. At least most of the time.

If you are twins this would not be normal. Twins by and large are much closer than most other siblings. Stemming from sharing the same womb and possibly the same egg. Generally twins do not suffer from sibling rivalry.

When it comes to respect this is something that has to be earned, even between family members. In general terms you have to give respect in order to get respect. From what you are writing neither of you are giving so neither of you are earning the others respect. One of you is going to have to make the first move and give some respect to other.

I will assume you are the younger of the two. If so can you be the bigger of the two and give your sister some respect. She deserves a bit of respect just because she is older but can you give a bit more. Then by doing so, by being the bigger person and giving her respect; Wait and see if after getting respect if she doesn't return it to you.

This is how respect work. If you want it you have to earn it. There are times respect comes with the territory, such as being a Police Officer or an Officer in the Military. In these instances it is the uniform not the person in the uniform that gets the respect. The person in the uniform still needs to earn respect.


I'm a 14 year old girl and at the beginning of this year my family and I moved about 6 hours away from our hometown for my dad to pursue a job opportunity. The thing is, I want to go back home. He has job offers there, but he wants to stay with this company so he turned them down and transferred here like his current company wants him to. He probably had good reason for doing so, so I tried not to complain. At first I handled the loss of my friends and boyfriend through cutting. No I'm just depressed and cry myself to sleep. If I told my parents this, they wouldn't take me seriously and sure as heck wouldn't get me a therapist. They treat me like my 8 year old brother. I learned about sex and my period from friends because I never got the talk from my mother and they still think that I believe in Santa and all of that magic stuff. They will not take me seriously ever. I need to go back home, I'm falling apart and I'm not myself anymore. I'm beginning to diet in an unhealthy way because I hate my body and I cut again because I hate my mind. I need to go home ASAP. How do I ask them to move back????

Dragonflymagic is correct in that this problem need intervention from another adult. There is something else you need to know about depression. Since I have been through depression myself I think I can understand how you feel and can explain a little bit about why you feel as you do.

You cut because you want to feel something, anything but the mental pain you are feeling from the loss of your friends, school and the town you have grown up in. While the cutting itself can be very harmful if you cut in the wrong place it is also understandable as to why you do so.

Another reason for why you cut is perception. Depression causes pain. Pain causes anxiety, anxiety causes pain. This cycle continues and throws are entire perception of the world around us off. I'm not saying that what you see or what you are saying is wrong. It is what you perceive and that makes it real. I find it hard to believe that if you were to go to mom or dad show then the scars from your cutting that they would not want to take you to the professionals you need to get the help you need for the depression you are suffering.

Since you perceive they will not help you this is why you need another adult to talk to and to help you make your parents aware that you need help. This is where a trusted teacher, a school principal or even the 911 service can be of help. If this weekend you feel cutting DON'T; CALL 911 INSTEAD. You never need adult permission to call 911 for help. Tell the call taker you have been cutting and want to cut yourself now. The call taker will send help to you.

If you can wait until school is open then go to any teacher or the principal and show them your scars. Tell them how you feel and why you have been cutting. They are required to protect you and they will make the calls needed to get you help and to see to it that your parents are made aware and that this help is continued.

The fact that your mom has not had "The Talk" with you could be for two reasons. The first she may be waiting for you to come to her when your first period arrived. The second she does not want you to grow up and by not having the talk she thinks she is keeping you innocent. Again perception is in play here. Mom knows she can't ignore your period and have it not arrive. As a onetime teenager she knows the pressure you will be under to have sex. Unless she wants to be a young grandmother it is important to have the talk with her children at the onset of puberty. I want to believe she was waiting for you to come to her. Why I can't explain but I do know some moms are like that.

As for the Santa thing; that may be more for your 8 year old brothers’ benefit than anything else. My parental instincts tell me mom and dad are aware you know Santa is not real but wants to keep the fantasy alive for another year for your brothers’ benefit. Once again perception is at play here.

It is my belief that you may be suffering from depression longer than you think; I now know I was. The move and the loss of your friends and community were the straws that brought the depression to the surface. You need professional help for your depression before asking to move back.

Home by definition is: where your family lives. By that definition you are home. With the help of a good therapist you will get over your depression, stop your cutting and learn to deal with major upheaval your fathers work has caused. You may always yearn to move back to wear you use to live but for now as long as you are a minor you have to deal with where your family takes you.

My advice is: IF you need help between now and when you go to school; call 911. When you get to school talk to a teacher, the nurse or the principal; they will help you.


So recently me and my mom were talking, and the subject of me not being honest to her came up. now my mom is very big about lying and hates it and i know that so i dont lie to her very often. she think that im lying to her about something but i have no idea what. i kept asking her what i did wrong and she kept telling me to go to bed ( since it was like 11 o'clock) and talk to her once i tell her the truth but i have no idea what i did wrong. i also feel like shes just trying to get me to confess about a lie. whats a tip so that i can get out of this mess?

Pardon me if I'm MR. Obvious here; it seems to me if you know you have lied to her about something(s). The quickest and easiest way to deal with this problem would be to fess up to what you know you have lied her about. Accept any punishment she gives you for what you may have done and lied about without and argument. Then hug and kiss your mom and tell her you love her.

If mom still thinks you’re not being totally truth full with her then you have a problem if she will not tell you what it is she thinks you lied to her about. You see this is the problem with lying. You tell one lie and peoples trust in you disappears. While I'm sure your mom loves you and always will. While her love is something you may never lose; trust is a different story. Trust is earned even as children you have to earn a parents trust.

That trust comes in stages, such as learning to cross the street by yourself. Walking to a friend’s house, going to the mall and when you are allowed to drive the car. Belief in what you say is another trust that is earned and like the rest of what I said it can be lost and needs to be earned back. It is also the hardest of the trusts to earn back.

If dad is in the picture maybe you can go to him and ask him to intervene. Don't be surprised though if he says this is between you and mom. When it comes to certain issues parents are usually united and trust is generally one of those issue they unite on.

You will have to go back and figure out when it was you lost moms trust. Then try to remember what things you may have lied to her about or what she may think you lied to her about. Fess up to what you know you lied about as I said you should. Then try and discuss those things you may thing she believes you lied about.

There is an old saying; "The truth shall set you free." In your case the truth will help you repair the damage between you and mom.

Good luck.


Hi everyone I am a 22 year old female and live at home with my parents. I recently got engaged a few months back to a guy my family loves. I am an only child and have always been very close to my family, especially my mom. My fiancé lives 2 hours away and works offshore so we do not see each other often. After long thought and talking with my fiancé I have decided that I am ready to move in with him now. When I told my mom this she completely freaked out saying "you will not move". Every conversation we have had about it since then only leads to us fighting and her being totally against me moving. What do I do?! I love my mom but also want to be happy with my fiancé. How do I not hurt her?

This is a tough question to answer. The reason for this is what is behind your mothers reason for you not moving. Is it because she does not want you living with your fiancé before you marry? Or is it she does not want you moving period, married or not?

Before you can decide how to move forward you have to find or at least attempt to find out the real reason why she does not want you moving. If she just does not want you moving that far away from her then you have a problem that can't simply be fixed by a wedding.

Once you learn the reason the answer to both questions are about the same. How you deliver the answer differs a little. You start by telling mom you love her and you appreciate everything she has done for you. You go on to say that as a mother she had to know that a time would come when you would want to go off and be on your own. Time is now,(here is where the differences are), that you miss your fiancé terrible and want to be close to him to spend as much time with him when he is at home as possible. IF this means moving to his apartment on shore then you have given this much thought and this is what you have decided to do.

Now if moms reason is that she does not you that far away from her. That problem is harder for once you marry you are going to go wherever your married lives take you. This is what marriage is all about. Then you go one and tell her how much you miss your fiancé and how much you want to be close to him.

You finish with the fact that you are 22 now an adult. That even if you were not planning to marry; the time to leave the nest and possibly move far from home would have eventually come. Tell mom that even though you may be moving out and on with your life you are never farther away than her phone or her computer. If mom has a tablet computer install Skype on it and on your tablet or cell phone. Show mom how to use Skype.

Skype is a wonderful program. Not only can you communicate with it but you can see each other while talking. If say mom calls when you don't want to be seen you can ignore the call or answer in chat only. Giving mom a better way of communicating with you will allow her to keep you closer to her while you are where you want to be and need to be. Hopefully this suggestion will make you leaving a little easier on mom.

Your leaving will hurt her. Our son moving a state away hurt us, but we speak to him daily and we see him weekly as he works not far away. So the hurt isn't that bad. He moved so he could have a better life, buy a home and a new car, something the cost of living here wouldn't allow.

Your moving for similar reasons, it is the right thing to do for you regardless of how mom feels or how hurt she may get. She will get over the hurt.


We are very lucky to have a place to stay tonight but I am not sure where we are going from here. We are homeless & don't have that much money. My parents, brothers & I been staying in the car & we don't have anyone we can stay with. I have been applying for a job like crazy. We live in Texas. What do we do?

There is information missing which would help in answering you. If there are young children then your family is a higher priority for emergency housing than a family of adults.

In order to get emergency housing you need to contact the department of social services for the state you are in. Each County has an office for this department. IF you don't know how or can't find the office of social services go to any police or fire station and ask for help.

actually your parents need to be the one asking for the help as they are the adults. The department of social services will find you shelter, provide you with food or take you to a place where meals are being provided. They will also see to your medical needs if needed.

If you can't find a police or fire station and you have a cell phone call 911 tell them where you are, street address or location and they will come to you.


how to have sex with my 13years age sister

There are two things wrong with this question.

1. You do not have sex with family members which includes; Mom, Dad, sisters, brothers and first cousins. It is illegal at any age. It is by most religions also considered a mortal sin.

2. Your sister is 13, first see wrong number one then the fact that she is only 13 and should not even be considering having sex at this age.

There is nothing wrong with thinking mom or your sister is pretty or sexy. The wrong comes in when you start to fantasize about having sex with them or start to plan how to have sex with either them.

By your question it would appear you are trying to have sex with your sister. This is very wrong. It is called incest and as I said it is illegal, you can go to jail.

If you have an overriding desire to fulfill this fantasy then please talk to mom or dad and get some help. In our society and most all Western nations, it is not only illegal and considered a mortal sin. It is consider sick to have sex with a family member.


is xasten caplets good for breastfeeding mother's?

I am not a doctor so it would not be right for me to say yes or no concerning the taking of any drug. This particular drug is part of the Steroid drugs that are out there.

You are aware that anything you take or ingest goes directly to your milk which the baby then absorbs. This being a Steroid I would want to consult a doctor before taking it. I would also assume this being a in the family of Steroid drugs that it is only available by prescription.

If this is so; does the prescribing doctor know you are a breastfeeding mother? If not I would suggest you consult with the doctor and advise that you are a breastfeeding mom before taking this drug or any other drugs including over the counter medications.


So, I am on vacation for my brother's birthday... My mom brought her computer for us to use, and I had just installed some software and drivers for a project two days ago. Then, earlier today, she restored her computer back a few days. I was going to attempt re-installing it from the recycle bin, which wasn't successful... But, upon this process I overcame a video entitled "Private Show" and, out of curiosity, I played it. And I thought the unexpected 2 hour drive to a monument was the worst part of this vacation... at least until I saw this video. I really don't know what to do... but I probably won't be able to sleep tonight. Please, I need some advice!

I assume this video was not PG rated. Well I guess you now know mom has a sex life. There are worst things you could have seen but seeing mom enjoying herself in a sexual manner is not something a child is meant to see.

Part of this is moms fault for having it on the computer and letting you use the computer knowing you could stumble across it. The title "Private Show" really doesn't say anything to tell you or anyone else not to view it. If mom didn't want it viewed by you or anyone else, and I'm sure she did not want you seeing it. She should have password protected the file or removed it to an out drive.

That does not help with how you feel, it was meant to help with the possible guilt you feel for viewing the file. That title in no way tells someone not to view it. It may have just as well been a down load to a commercial X Rated clip. I'm sure others who came across this clip would have viewed it as well.

What to do about it. First; I see no reason for you to feel guilty about viewing it. Second; you can do nothing and just try to put what you saw out of your mind. I know it will be hard as you have seen you mom in a manner no child should ever see their mom.

Now depending on what type of relationship you have with mom; meaning can you and she talk openly about se and sexual situations; such as can you talk to mom about dates and any sexual situation you might have been involved in. If you can then consider telling her you accidentally came across this file. Not knowing for sure what it was you opened it. You don't have to tell her if you viewed the entire file. What you do what to tell her is that the title does not emphasis the fact that this is not for all eyes and that she may want to remove it or pass word protect it.

This of course is based solely on if you feel your relationship with mom can handle this type of conversation. If not then say nothing and just try to forget what you have seen.
Two questions for you? Does mom let anyone use her computer? If so what are the chances of your brother seeing this file. Take this into consideration when deciding if you need to discuss this with your mom.


I'm a 14 year old girl and I've been wanting to dye my hair blue. Not all of it, just the ends. The problem is my mother was raised to believe that dying your hair was taboo for some reason and my father would never ever ever let me dye my hair such a ridiculous color and I get the feeling it's because he would get a bad reputation in our town if his child has blue hair. I really want this though. I just moved to a new place and in trying to "reinvent" myself, and I've always wanted to do this so I figured it would be a good place to start. So how can I convince them?

As I see it; the problem you are in is a no win situation. It is you against mom and dad for two different reasons. Mom will not under any circumstances allow you to die your hair and dad if he were willing would not allow "such a ridiculous" color. That is the essence of a no win situation for you are a teenager subject to your parents authority.

Now let me say this; I'm old enough to be your grandfather and while I too don't like the idea or the color I understand why you want to do this. I see nothing wrong in wanting to change your hair color if you were wanting to change your entire hair color. To me that is part of being a teenage girl part of learning about how to be a women.

As I said I understand about changing the color of some of your hair it is something some teenagers do today. I can also understand why dad may be against this and it is really not about his reputation and more about your reputation.

There is nothing wrong with reinventing just try not to be shocking when doing so. Which is as I see it the problem you face. Is it possible you could reinvent yourself with a less shocking color one that might be more acceptable as a fashion statement yet still satisfy your need for reinvention?

I ask this for there are numerous times when raising a child that parents will disagree on something. In most cases they will come to an understanding which also in most cases allows the child to do whatever it is they have asked. The parents may put some restrictions on the child or modify to different decrees but on the whole the child benefits and gains most of what they have asked for.

I believe if you can come up with a color to dye your hair that is more acceptable to your dad and still satisfies you need for reinvention? Then dad may convince mom to let you dye your hair or just flat override her objection. In raising our children I have done that on occasion as has my wife. In this instance you are first going to have to get dad on your side and I believe a less shocking color will do that.

Once you have changed the color then you can discuss more shocking colors. A good reason would be say for Halloween; a nice bright orange. They are now use to you hair style and might not object to a brighter color for this reason. Once you change the color again they may not be in a hurry to have you change it again.


So I'm a 13 year old girl and my bedroom doesn't have a door..... I feel like I have a lack of privacy. All that covers the entrance to my room is a thin see through curtain. I already share the room with my sister, so that's already one person who has the right to barge in, but my brothers and parents do it too! I'll be getting dressed or something and then they'll just shove right through the curtains. It's incredibly annoying. How do I ask for a door with a lock or at least a curtain that's not see through? I'm always afraid to ask for things because we just moved to this house (and I know that houses cost a lot. and I have so many siblings (which leads to more expenses) and I'm afraid that I'm being too expensive. I Harley ask for anything though besides notebooks to draw in (I don't even have a cell phone because I'm afraid to give my parents anymore bills). So how do ask? And since I ask for do little, do you think they'll say yes? (Oh and just a quick bit of extra info: I'm usually that "forgotten" child whose desires fall through the cracks, so I'll need a really good way of asking) Thanks!!!!

You must be the middle child. You are not the forgotten child you are just the child that does not beg for attention as much as you’re older and younger siblings do. There is an old saying; "that it is the Squeaky well that gets the grease." Your problem is you don't squeak.

As to your question: This is a question you need to take up with mom. I wouldn't ask for a door with a lock on it since you share your room with your sister as there is the possibility of locking her out of her own room. Not that you would do it purposely but it could happen. You just ask for a door that could be closed so you can have some privacy to do what teenage girls do. If I remember correctly from my sister is spending time trying on different outfits, experimenting with hair styles and makeup. Having girl talks with her friends all of which beg for more privacy then the curtain provides.

You tell mom that you feel you have to get dressed in the bathroom so you can so without your brothers barging in and catching you in some state of undress and it is embarrassing. That there are times when you would like to go to your room just for some quiet time maybe to do homework, reflect or write in your diary.

Since you seem to feel you are the forgotten child I would suggest you ask mom for some mommy and you time. A trip to the mall one day for a hamburger or a slice of pizza is a good inexpensive way of some mommy and you time. If she agrees this is when you make your request for a door.


Hello advicenators, I just need a few advice to share with my brother. He is 29 and has been under a lot of pressure lately. My whole family wants him to find a girl and get married. I personally believe that they shouldn't be forcing him to. Now there are two girls that he has been talking to and my family wants him to choose one of those girls but they want one of the girl most than the other one. Let's just call them girl a and girl b. Girl a is very shy and antisocial and doesn't really talk to our family members that much or try to get to know us better and my parents don't like that about her. My brother is deeply in love with her but my family want him to choose girl b because of how social she is and how she wants to know everyone in the family. My brother doesn't love girl b as much as he loves girl a. Personally I believe he should choose girl a who he's madly in love with despite of how shy and antisocial she is. I just need some advice that I can share with him so he could really think about what's best for him and not our family. After all we are not the ones who will marry the girl, he is and he needs to be happy.

I believe you know the answer to this question though if you want additional support I will be glad to supply it. Let me start by saying that arranged marriages are rarely happy marriages. What your parent are trying to do by pushing your brother towards one girl and away from the other is close to an arranged marriage. He will not be happy and the girl will not be happy, at least not for the long haul of a marriage.

Girl "A" on the other hand who he loves is the better choice for any number of reasons but mainly because your brother is deeply in love with her. Her shyness should not be taken as antisocial. She is probably aware that she is not your parents’ first choice for a daughter in-law. This adds to her inability to open up to your parents and be the girl your brother knows and loves. I would go as far as to say if your parents were to see her in a different social setting with friends of hers and your brothers. Your parents would see an entirely different girl.

Question for you to put to your parents: Why should she open up to them and further endanger the relationship she has with your brother by talking to them about herself? As I see it talking to your parents is not a win/win situation for her so she stays quiet. This is not being antisocial this is protecting herself from being hurt.

My son is a little older then you brother and single. He has brought home a number of different women he has dated and I have said nothing to him about the ones I didn't care for. Surprisingly he has seen the same flaws in them after dating them for a while. Now one of his problems is that he is a great date but the one or two women he would have loved to have a long term relationship with were very fearful of doing so because of his job. He is a firefighter and they could not live with the question of would he be coming home in the morning. Now that is my sons’ problem and he will find a woman strong enough to deal with it.

Your brothers’ problem is your parents. They are not going to live with him and his wife. He is the one that needs to be happy. What you or he needs to do is to tell your parents that in this particular case it is not them that need to be pleased. In this instance where his life happiness is concerned they have no really say in the matter and should back off.

I believe that once they back off and welcome girl "A" into the family she will be less shy around them and less guarded about herself. Once that happiness they will see the same girl your brother sees.


Okay, so I'm male, 5'7, 105-110 lbs, 14 years old, and my grandma just will not stop talking about it. This morning I was getting food and she started making more food and saying I had to eat it all, and I said I wasn't that hungry. She got mad and said I had to eat it because she knew I never ate anything and she threatened to call some fake organization she made up and tell them I'm not eating.

I finally did snap and get really mad. I pounded my fist on the table and yelled, "I DO eat!" She sat there and watched me eat, and when I left she accused me of going to throw it up. WTF? I'm not bulimic.

Now she's ignoring me and saying that she's just the warden. I said "I love you." to her and she just laughed. What do I do? :(

If by chance your grandmother is looking at the same height and weight chart I am. Then according to this national chart depending on your Skeletal frame size you are anywhere from 20 to 40 pounds underweight.

That chart is based on a National average. Meaning that is the average between the lowest and highest within each frame size. The person whose advice or opinion really counts is your doctor. What does your doctor say about your weight? When was the last time you had a complete physical?

If it has been more than a year or if you have not had a physical since your period started it is a good idea to have one. Physicals are generally painless even the female part of the exam. The blood draw is about the most painful part and that last only a second or two.

During the physical ask your doctor how she or he feels about your weight. If your doctor is not concerned ask the doctor to talk to grandma. I would hope grandma would listen to the doctor, after all the doctor went to medical school and should know about these things.


I'm a 13 year old girl. A few minutes ago I was up in my room when I heard yelling downstairs. I couldn't make out much but I heard my mom yell "It never happened." And then my dad: "yes it did!" And my mom: "No it didn't!" And my dad: "What did he say?!" Then I heard a door slam so I peeked down the stairs. My dad was sitting on the couch so I assume that the door slam was my mother storming to her room. My parents don't argue often so I'm a little concerned. Do you think that it's just a normal little fight? Can you infer what it was about by what they were yelling? From their dialogue my mind of course went straight to "mom is cheating on dad". But that's pretty unlikely. What do you think it was about? I'm really worried.

Parents are allowed to argue it’s normal. Remember parents were once strangers who fell in love and it is normal to sometimes have disagreements. Some parents yell and scream when they argue; others don't talk to each other when they have a disagreement. It doesn't mean they are going to get divorced.

You heard bits and pieces of a conversation which was part of an argument. What you heard was totally out of context of the conversation. For all you know dad may have been upset because mom drove the car over a curb and mom yelled back, "It never happened."

Unfortunately it is easy for any child to jump to the conclusion that one or the other parent has been caught cheating when their parents argue. It is an unfortunate fact of life today. Try not to jump to this conclusion for when you do so without any evidence you are going to be wrong

Parents like siblings are going to have the occasional argument. It is nothing for you or any child to worry about or get in the middle of. Your parents do love each other and they will work through whatever caused the argument together. Then things will return to normal.


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