Member Since:June 18, 2009
Last Update:May 21, 2015
General Sex Questions
When I [15/f] get mad I go off, but does that make it right for my step dad to tackle me, and steal my stuff, and break them? I tried to call the cops, they said he had those rights. I can't stand him, so what should I do?
I agree with Danicus there must be more to this story then you are telling us. Even at 15 you do have certain rights and if the cops are taking your step-father's side. No parent has the right to physically or mentally abuse you this would include tackling you without good reason. Good reason would be you being out totally of control and him tackling you to calm you.
Why not write me or us back, you can do so in a private message if you would like, with a more complete story of what is going on. There are two sides to every story so to be helpful to you we need to hear more of what is going on then what you wrote.
OK so I didn't do so well on my last math test, I got a 41%, but I am going to do an extra credit assignment that'll raise it to the 80% range. She was still reallly mad, and is making me go to extra help every day before school at lunch and after school on tuesdays until my grade raises. Is it just me or does this seem extreme?
It is not only hard for us to weigh in on how a parent reacts to something like this; it is not right for us to do so. While we might think it is extreme or maybe not extreme enough, in some instances. They are your parents and as long as they are not physically harming you it is not for us to say or advise you on.
If a parent was physically harming a child as punishment for a bad grade or something else then we would and should advise you as what to do. Making you or as you see it forcing you to get extra help in math is just good parenting.
I don't know why you did so poorly on this exam. Is it you just didn't study for the exam or are you a poor math student. There is nothing to be ashamed about if you are a poor math student
My son was a poor math student. Actually he was a poor learner. After a stint in the Army and being taught a new way to learn by the Army. HE came out went to college took remedial math plus his college level math courses and graduated as the honor Graduate from his Paramedic Class with a degree in Emergency Medicine. Today he is a Paramedic/Firefighter and many people are alive today because he was their paramedic when they needed one.
Keep an open mind about the extra work your parents are asking/demanding of you. It is quite possible that like my son; you too will find a new way to look at and learn things.
Good luck, bring that grade up so you can have a great summer.
I am a little embarrassed to ask my mum I'm 12 years old a male but how do I ask my mum to buy me new underpants?
There is nothing here to be embarrassed about. Underpants are an article of clothing just like Jeans or T-shirts. You mom wears panties which as you must know the ladies equivalent of underpants. If dad still with you he I'm sure just says to her to pick him up a package of new Jockeys or Boxers when he needs them that's what I do. So a simple request from you for the same won't embarrass mom and shouldn't embarrass her.
I'm assuming that since mom must still do your laundry she would notice if your underpants need replacing. So you either need a larger size or wish to switch to either boxers or Jockeys. If this. Of course if dad is still living with you there is no reason you can't go to him and ask him to ask mom.
While you should not be embarrassed to ask you mom to make this purchase then what you can do is leave a note on the kitchen table before you go to bed or before you leave for school were mom might find it when she leaves the house or when she comes home.
My dad and my mom have always had a ton of problems in their marriage. He's an addict and has never been a good father to all 4 of us kids. He's barley even acknowledged that were his. He lives in our house but he's just a stranger to me. He and my mom have gotten into horrible screaming fights and he's even gotten physical before. He's tried to choke her many times. Just today he threw her across the room and threatend " if you ever take me to court or try to get a divorce I will crush you and kill you". He's also bipolar and has anger issues which is why I'm terrified that he will just snap one day and get angry enough to kill her. He also said that if she tried for a divorce he would fight her 10x harder and win custody. I'm not sure what to do or what my mom should do. Even if she gets a restraining order or a divorce there is no doubt in my mind that he will find her and kill her or at the very least hurt her badly. All I want in life is to get away from him and for my mom to too. But I just don't think that's ever ganna be a possibility. Any advice would be appreciated at this point. Thank you
missundersmock advice is very good. You may feel it safer to call from school or the home of the friend. You MUST CALL THE POLICE for the safety of your mother and you and your siblings. If you call from the school or wish to call from school there is a support team in place to protect you. Go to the principal and tell him or her what is happening at home and that you are scared. Ask for the police to be called to the school so you can tell them and make a report. The principal must take you seriously and call the police for you as well as child protective services (CPS).
After you have spoken with the police call an organization called RAINN. RAINN stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network; they will help you find a safe place for you, your mother and your siblings. Someplace where your father cannot find you or get to you. You are safe in school as the staff will not allow him to harm you or get to you while in school.
As for dad gaining custody of you and your siblings; there is no Judge in this world that would give custody to a bipolar manic depressive addicted parent so stop working on that threat, it just won't happen.
When the police and CPS come to school tell them exactly what happens at home and how often. answer their questions as completely as possible. If you don't know an answer say so. CPS is there to see to your safety and well being as well as your siblings. The Police will look out for you mothers well being.
You father will most likely be arrested and spend at least one night in jail. Use this time to help mom find a safe place for you, your siblings and her to get to so when dad is released he can't get to you and harm her.
Good luck and I'm sorry you have to be the strong one for you mother. No child should have to put in a position to protect a parent. From what you write this is something you must do.
My daughter, 21 years old, has always had low self esteem and in most, if not all relationships, has at least mentally cheated with "friends" she has via the internet. I thought this time would be different, but apparently it isn't...last night I caught her texting with a boy. When I confronted her about it, I could tell it was more than just harmless texting - and she never denied that it wasn't more. I told her if I was wrong, then show me the texts and she refused...enough said. The problem is that she's getting married almost exactly a month from today....AND I'm dumping a boat load of money into it!
I know it can't be easy for her to live at home with her step-dad and I, but she's very lazy and very unmotivated. She has never held a full time job and does little around the house - 6 months ago, I told her she needed to make active plans to move out when she told me she was already engaged and moving out anyway. I suspected this marriage was just an escape route to get out of the house.
Last night I talked with her and told her this is a MARRIAGE and serious business...she can't play those foolish games that she did in the past. She can't long to have the attention of every man, because there will only be one now. In two instances of her cheating, I became very good friends with the boys' parents, so honestly, I was very embarrassed when her cheating was exposed. This case is no different...again, I've become very good friends with her fiance's mom and we talk often, even though she lives a couple hours away. During the heart to heart last night, I told her if my suspicions are correct, I will not forgive her this time around because she's already dooming her marriage to fail. You don't go into a MARRIAGE with relationships on the side.
Long story short... I'm beside myself and depressed that she has such issues about herself. She had no answer when I asked her why she does this. Just shrugged her shoulders and looked aloof about it.
What do I do? Have I done all I can by just talking to her and giving her the cold hard facts? It wasn't a short talk....she probably tuned me out after the first 3 1/2 minutes.
There is nothing you can do to fix this. Whatever you might try to do amounts to "leading a horse to water but not being able to make it drink." Your daughter is 21 legally an adult. Neither you nor anyone else can force her to change.
While I agree counseling might help I do not believe it is marriage counseling that your daughter needs. What she needs is to meet with a psychologist to find out why she has such a low self-esteem. You say your daughter is; "very lazy and very unmotivated." What she may really be is clinically depressed which is either brought on by the low self-esteem or the low self-esteem is brought on by the depression.
If either you or your husbands company offer the employees and EAP program, employee assistance program. These programs generally cover anyone lining in the home with them. This program will find a psychologist for her and pay for a certain amount of visits as well.
Suggest to your daughter that she get a complete medical checkup before she gets married. Try and speak to her doctor and ask that she be screened for depression. IF the doctor diagnoses depression then follow the advice and arrange for her to see a psychologist for therapy.
My feeling is treating one or the other will improve her self-esteem problem. Once that is improved you hopefully will see a different person in your daughter.
What do you do when your dad, who is a crazy, ridiculous control freak tries to dictate who you marry? My dad is insane (I know that's disrespectful to say about your dad and I'm sorry), but he just doesn't want me to be able to run my own life. I've looked up the signs of an overly controlling parent on the internet and he has almost all of them.
I'm an adult (I'm 27) and he tries to control what I eat, what kind of car I drive, who I have as my friends, where and when I go to church, and other such things. Most irritatingly, he tried to control where I went to college, what classes I took, when I moved out of his and my mom's house, and what career path I chose. When I refuse to do as he says, he can have a giant fit and gets C-R-A-Z-Y. He makes me feel smothered and it's extremely unpleasant to be around him.
Now, what would you do if you had a father like this? What would you do if your boyfriend, who you love more than life, asked your father for your hand in marriage and your dad said no. He honestly believes he can stop me from marrying who I want to and I'm afraid of what will happen to our relationship when I go against his wishes.
If your dad just hated your boyfriend and insists that you two won't get married and knows you two are planning to get married against his will. He's threatened to put a stop to it, which he can't, but it's annoying that he thinks he can. It's also scary because he's the kind of guy who'd pull something like ruin the wedding IF he showed up at all. What would you do?
Wow Talk about a Narcissistic parent, I am so sorry for you. There is not much you can do to change your dad. There are things you can do to help yourself. From reading your note to us I understand you don't live at home with him. That's good.
I'm also sure like most children you would like to honor your parents and have their blessing as you grow and mature in life. It is apparent to me this is not possible for you unless you do as your father tells you to do. Because of how your father is towards you; you are by all respects morally released from having to honor him in the way you might like to.
You are 27 legally an adult and do not have to answer to anyone but yourself not even your husband, legally speaking. Once again if you are in fear of your father there are things you can do legally to protect yourself.
Just because he is your father that does not give him inalienable rights of access to you. He cannot enter your home or workplace without permission the same is true for your wedding. If he is not invited, should you chose not to invite him and nothing says you must. Then he cannot attend the celebration the Church is a different story as it is a public place of worship.
What you can do to insure he stays away from you, if this is what you want. Is to go to the district court and file for an order of protection. From what you have written you live in fear of being harmed in some manner by him, physically or emotionally. This is sufficient cause to get an order of protection. If he violates the order of protection you can have him removed by the police.
I know this is not something you would want to do, it is not something I usually recommend as the only solution to a problem. Based on what you have written it is the only solution that guarantees your safety and protection from him. Discuss this with your fiancé and do what you think best.
I am 24 years old, living with an abusive mother. i have been in a secret relationship with someone that she hates. The reasons for hating him are not valid. My mother is a narcissist. Today, there were pictures caught of me at a big event. She can't find them on Facebook. I am so scared of her seeing them that I have even considered suicide. I would't go through with it, but it has crossed my mind as a result of the abundance of stress. She has threatened to kill me and/or him if she finds out that we are together. The problem is that I have not caught it on tape or recording and it was not written. So, if I bring it up to the police, it is her word against mine. Please help me. I am so scared. Please!
Lets' start with why at 24 years of age you are still living at home. Moving out of moms home would be the quickest and easiest way to solve this problem.
I understand financial reason may be one reason for living at home. There are alternative to getting your own apartment. There are agencies that specialize in finding people to share apartments or for people who may want to find someone to rent a room too. Contact a couple of these agencies, they can be found on the WEB, and tell them what you can afford and see what they can find you.
As to taking pictures off Facebook? I know Facebook will remove indecent pictures as for others I don't know. You can contact them to find out. In the mean time you can unfriend your mother and ask your friends to unfriend your mother or anyone you are friends with on Facebook who may be friends with you mother ask them to unfriend her or you unfriend them.
GO to your account setting page and change you account setting to the strongest security so that only your friends can see your page. Change your password and make sure to sign out every time you leave Facebook.
As for the threats. They are most likely just that threats. The problem with a threat from a legal standpoint is this. IF I threaten to harm someone and that person believes I can harm them. Even if I meant it as just a threat, from a legal standpoint in most states it is now an assault. Most likely just a misdemeanor offence but still I can be arrested for making it. No one else has to hear it and it does not have to be on tape. The person threatened just has to be in fear and have reasonable belief that I am capable of carrying out my threat.
You are scared, if you believe your mother is capable of harming you; then call the police.
My mom was making some food for our pet and she poked a hole in the cup, she told me to throw it away so I did. She then starts screaming at me that I put it in the wrong trash can. I said how was I supposed to know. She then started screaming at me about how I never do things. I really can't take it anymore. She really embarrasses me to because we have a screen door and everybody could here us that was outside. She always does this, and it's starting to get ridiculous. Please help, I really don't know what to do.
There is really not enough information here with which to give you much in the way of advice. What I can do is ask you if this is something new in how mom is acting then there may be a medical reason for it and to try and get her to see her doctor. Tell the doctor the has been a change in how mom is acting; flying of the handle at little things, yelling and screaming and how this is different from ho9w she has been.
If this is not a new way of acting for her then I need more information on how you and your mom interact in order to give you better advice.
So my mom refuses to now let me go to prom because of one incident, or mistake that i have done. I am 18 years old, and i decided to get my nipples pierced just because I've been wanting to get it for a long time...my mother is very strict and is christian, so she is against all types of piercing, tatoos etc. So she found out, and bans me from going to prom, and the last day to pay for the ticket is in a week. I already bought my shoes (which was very expensive ) and i got my dress, well sort of. Is there any way that i can convince her to let me go? U have been planning out prom for as long as i can remember, and now all of my dreams are crushed...please help me, i need to convince her to let me go, but she wants to be in control of my life forever...
From a totally legal standpoint at 18 years of age you no longer need your parents consent to do anything. In the eyes of the law you are an adult free to do as you wish; legally.
Also from a legal standpoint you mom is no longer legally required to provide anything for you. Not food, shelter, clothing or anything she has provided for the past 18 years. Yea this legal stuff can be both a blessing and a curse.
If I were you I would sit down with mom and explain to her that you are 18 now and things are different. You tell her you are 18 and legally an adult, that she can no longer force her view or principals on you. You tell her you love her and that as long as you live under her roof you will abide by the rules of the house such as doing whatever chores she asks you to do, keeping your room clean and you will respect school night curfews if you have one.
Punishing you as she has in the past is no longer possible as she cannot take away the privileges of being an adult. In fact among the things she can no longer do is have any say over any medical exam or treatment. speak to any of your doctors or receive any medical information concerning your medical information without your expressed written permission to the doctors. If you want to get very technical she cannot make a doctors appointment for you, though most doctors are not that strict on that point.
As a parent who has already gone through this life changing event it takes time to get use to this new normal. When you talk to your mother do so calmly and with great respect for she is your mom. She has cared for you for 18 years and she will always be there for you. It is those 18 years of caring for you and to suddenly realize that the game has changed and that you now have certain rights she cannot take away from you; that takes getting use to.
Just remember one thing; mom has been around along time and in the past when she has punished you it was mostly a teaching moment not just to be mean. Mom is still a fountain of useful information and a resource for you. Make sure to tell her you will always be open to hearing suggestions from her.
My name is Rachel and i am 26 years old and I have gotten myself into a mess. My cousin and I are really close I can tell her anything and she will be there for me she is 45sleep. We have always been close but she is disappointed in me because i have sex so many times without knowing the guy that well lets just say about a year ago. I had sex with a guy in 2 days time and it was a miracle I didnt get pregnant becaus it was unprotected with no condom and no form of birth control either and now i have been dating this guy for about 2 months and I have been doing so much better we have not been sexually active all in the 2 months that we have been dating. He says he will wait till marriage if that's what I want and that is what I want but my problem is that every other relationship I was in I had sex within a weeks time because I was afraid they would leave if I didnt and now my couain dosnt believe me when I tell her that I haven't had sex yet with this guy. How can I get my trust back? She wants me to get on the depot shot but it's making me feel like she dosnt trust me anymore.
This is easy for me to say and hard for you to take. The reality is it doesn't matter what your cousin believes or doesn't believe. What matters is what you and this guy have together.
In the past the relationships may not have been all that trusting or secure in your eyes. You felt sex was a way to secure the relationship. This guy is willing to wait until marriage or until you are ready for sex with him. To me this is a great guy and that is all that counts.
The one thing I do agree with your cousin with is the birth control. Be it the Depo shot or oral birth control pills I think it is a good idea if this is a good relationship that you start on birth control. In this way when the time is right you are protected and you don't have the fear of pregnancy and can enjoy sex with the man.
It would be nice to have your cousins trust I understand that. The past is the past and people do change. If she is unwilling to give you the benefit of the doubt then that is her problem not yours. This is your life to live and it is not meant to be lived to prove anything to anyone but yourself.
If you can be a better person tomorrow than you are today then you are living a good life. For you are growing and learning each and every day. To me that is what life is all about.
My mother is making me take a whole day out of my April vacation to see a college that's like an hour away. I told her that I didn't want to go because I'm only a sophomore and it isn't even the summer yet, but she wouldn't listen. A friend invited me to go somewhere fun that day but now I can't because she's forcing me to go see a crappy public college that I don't want to see. She thinks that there's no time like this week to see this public college. What do you think?
I'm old enough to be your grandfather so I am going to offer you some grandfatherly advice.
Given the question you have asked, and I will answer it with what I think. It does not matter what we think. Given your age you're too young to win this fight with your mother. To make a big stink or to make this visit totally unpleasant for both of you; you can only end up bad for you.
Given the facts as you presented them It is understandable why your mother would want to start looking at colleges early. The same information would explain why she is encouraging you to start looking at colleges now. It is really not all that early to start looking at colleges now especially if you have the grades to apply for early admission. Which you could start doing as early of next year.
Suggestion: Since there is something you want to do on the day mom wants to visit this college. Rather than fight her and say things like its too early, I'm not interested or other things. Tell her you have been invited to go someplace that day. Ask her if it is possible to go another day and you will go willingly without complaint. This is called a compromise.
My answer to your question. Part of my answer is in the above. If you have the grades to apply for early admission then this summer would be the time to start looking at colleges. You should be starting to eliminate those schools that do not offer the course you need to get into Dental School.
In state colleges cost less than out of state or private colleges. If your parents are going to be footing the bill for your education. Then the time to start discussing which schools they can afford is at hand.
Is mom wrong in forcing you to visit this school. That is a yes and no answer. She is a bit ahead of time in what she is trying to do though I can't say she is wrong.
In the end though as I said in the beginning. If you cannot find a compromise with her and you continue to fight with her; then you can only be hurt by doing so. So think before you act.
After a lot of baby name searching, your brain gets foggy. Are these names that we chose for our twins normal?
Boy: Dean Harvey
Girl: Spencer Guin
When it comes to children the most important factor to remember is first and foremost they are your children. Yours and their fathers, you are the ones who get to name them and raise them. If you ask others for suggestions on names or if they like the names you have chosen you will go nuts for you will never satisfy everyone.
The names you have chosen to my mind are great names. The one middle name is unique and as the child gets older he may want to know why you chose it. Fact is though few if any people ever call anyone by their middle name. You will use it when you want to get his attention, all parents do . It tells them they are most likely in trouble and they better snap too.
Congratulations on the coming birth of your twins. You have chosen some great names. Relax and enjoy your children.
14/f Hi :) Basicall, a few weeks before I was supposed to go on holiday, I checked my shared bank account to take out the money I had saved to pay for my share of the holiday. Dad sometimes puts bits in and says its to pay for things that I need. Keywords: Things I need. I checked it and it said I had 43 cents. I thought it was odd and got my mom to check what had happened on this booklet thing (mom's a bit old fashioned). What had happened was that someone had taken out little bits through out the course of two years to pay for odd stuff. I'm not allowed to go in it by myself so I have to have mom or dad around when I check it.
Big chunks came out around Valentines Day and around the time he got married to his new gf (or should I say wife). He got married without telling me; I wasn't invited but I got over it. It still hurt though. But anyway, I confronted him about it and he said he had to pay for car repairs, bills etc.
I knew he was lying. I stopped talking to him for a while and was finally ready to forgive him after about a month (we had to cancel the holiday because I couldn't go) and I asked him why he did it. He replied with, "charity at work." Why did he lie before? And did he really need over $1500?!?!
So after arguing, I didn't speak to him for about 3 months. I looked in my account again to find that he was still taking it. Not only that, he was saying that I couldn't make it to family outings because my mom was being difficult and turning my into a brat. So I told them the truth but they all took dad's side. "He's still your dad, you should talk things out."
"At least you have a dad!"
"He took some money, big deal. You could have a dad that abuses you."
And it sucks! I don't know what to do anymore. The only person on my side is my mom. It's really starting to make me feel depressed. I don't smile anymore because of all the pressure that's put on me to sort everything out and keep my grades high AND still be the perfect girl my family thinks I am. What should I do? Sorry to bore you with this.
First of all you could never prove your dad stole any money from you as his name is on the account. Because of this what ever funds are in this account are as much his as they are yours. The fact that the deposits all came from you may have some legal baring if you have proof you earned and deposited those funds. It would depend largely on the laws in your state. You would need to consult an attorney if you wanted to know for sure.
What you may want to do is consult an attorney and ask that the attorney send you dad a letter stating you are giving him a chance to return the funds plus your costs to recover them, attorneys fees, before you file charges of Grand theft against him. Grand theft is a felony which comes with heavy prison time.
The letter from an attorney might just scare you father into returning the money. He would have to send the money to your attorney who would then give you a check once the check received clears the bank.
If all this happens I would suggest since you are now legally old enough to have your own bank account that you open one in your own name at a different bank from the one you presently bank at.
What I'm suggesting is a long shot or a Hail Mary pass but it just might work if an Attorney is willing to do this for you.
There will be a 21 year age gap between us. They won't be a sibling, they'll be like my niece, and they'd see me as an aunt. I want to vomit. I think it's an IVF baby and we're catholic, so I don't see how that works. I have 2 other siblings, were we not good enough for our parents? My mom stereotypes certain people having more kids than they can afford, and says we have money issues (why we never properly take vacations and etc) and that we can't afford a pet's healthcare, but suddenly she adds another human to the mix? I'm beyond pissed. If this happened when I was younger, the more the merrier, but I kind of feel like this new kid is to make up for "mistakes" she had when raising my siblings so I feel hurt and offended. She's a bit materialistic saying this is the most money her and my dad have had and that my older sibling and I were born in a council flat early in their relationship but that's like saying that she had no choice in getting pregnant then, when she did, twice. I already wanted to put off having kids til my 30s and now im close to tears and reconsidering even getting iinto any sort of relationship in the future, much less having kids later. I just feel so grossed out and let down and now it's like I feel my mom will just dump this new child on meto take care of when I have my own activities and life to plan for, so I'll be even more diligent now to leave this house as soon as possible cause I feel like my mom isn't the same mom she was 10 years ago. Even before she announced pregnancy she would just be so different and even earlier today I wondered how I was even born from her and how I grew up in my family. with the whole IVF thing I saw bookmarks on her computer and I knew she had been taking prenatals a year ago but I thought it was just a joke. I had a major panic attack a few weeks ago when I thought I saw an ultrasound til I checked the year and it was just my younger sibling's. But no, now I know it's real and I just feel so let down cause i liked our family as it was. The IVF means she likely got a diff egg cause she's in her late 40s which means the kid will only be a half sibling. And I saw the girl they were considering and she's not even our ethnicity so the kid will look very obviously different from the rest of us as it technically would have a diff mother. Why didn't she just adopt?! I would have been more ok with An adoption than this Frankenstein type stuff. I don't mean to be mean, that's just how I'm feeling right now. God forbid I couldn't have kids natirally one day, if I ever for some reason wanted too then there's plenty of people seeking adoptive families that already exist and need to be loved and cared for. My mom was all happy but she has no large age gaps in her family. I' literally know NO ONE with such a huge gap between their siblings. I feel embarrassed mad and resentful. We won't be able to relate to each other at all. How do I make sense of this? Are there any books on this? I feel extremely unhappy
You have a lot of issues to deal with. TO do so starts with sitting down and getting answers to those questions/issues from your mother. IVF does not mean the baby she is carrying is not from her own egg. Being in her forties does not mean she has entered menopause or she is fully into menopause. IVF is also used to help people who are having trouble conceiving using their own eggs and sperm. This may be the case with mom now. My sister did not go into menopause until well into her fifties.
You have a right to be upset to find out at the ripe old age of 21 you're about to have a little brother or sister will upset anyone your age or older. Your also right to assume that caring for this child may fall to you before this child reaches the age of majority. All of these things are what you need to discuss with your mother and father.
For one thing feeling as you do you need to tell them you do not wish to be n=named the child's guardian in their will or be a godparent which would make you the child's parent in the event of mom or dad dyeing before the reaching age 18. Your parents may be assuming if you're the oldest that you would do this for them with this child and your younger siblings.
What I'm not so sure about is how mom and dad having a baby now interferes with your life plan. You are 21 legally an adult answerable only to yourself. You are not responsible for things your parents do and you cannot be forced to be responsible for their bills or other problems. You are not obligated to care for your siblings, this soon to be born on or your other siblings and yes you can chose to care for one and not the other if you wish. It is your choice as to how much you can take on.
This is why it is important to talk to your parents now. You parents may or may not be great planners I don't know them so I can't say. What I do know is when this child is born because of their ages the hospital social worker will advise them to make sure a guardian is named for this child in the event of their demise prior to the child reaching 18. As I said above if you do not want to be the named guardian speak up now for if the time comes and you are the named guardian. You could refuse but you will spend a great deal of money fighting child protective services doing so.
In short everything you have written about boils down to having an open and frank discussion with your parents. Feeling suicidal will not solve anything talking will.
How do you respond to something like that when, although you're cool with it, you know that your wife DOES NOT want your daughter to share a birthday with a cousin? She does not want her child to have to share a birthday with another one of her parents' grandchildren. She doesn't want her to have to share her spotlight on her special day.
To be honest, I feel a little sorry for the little squirt (sister in law's baby) because he'll be the son of your father in law's least favorite daughter. His universe already revolves around his oldest daughter and the grandchildren he got from her, so he's probably gonna try to push the new kid out of the spotlight too.
Mother in law's different, but big deal. This new kid is still gonna get shafted and treated like he CHOSE to be born on that day just to steal attention from his cousin. I feel bad for him because this is how I was treated by my family. I was ignored and deprived of attention and affection and I feel bad that my family's gonna do that to someone else. I also do want my daughter to get a chip on her shoulder and think that she's the ONLY one with a right to be treated well on her birthday. Lastly, I don't want this to cause bitter blood between us, the new kid, and his parents.
There is really not much that can be down about when the little cousin arrives. Due dates are just that. A date the doctor calculates and in most instances, at least in my family is never the date the baby is born. If by chance your sister in-law does give birth on that day it is something your wife will have to deal with.
Frankly I would suspect if the two grandchildren are born with in days of each others date the family will still chose to celebrate them together. Your daughter will celebrate at home with her friends with a party your wife makes for her and it will be her special day because your wife made it so.
My brother is 35 years-old, and for a VERY long time, has fallen into the pattern of dating girls who are superficial and manipulative. He also has a problem where he gets serious VERY quickly and basically allows who he dates to take advantage of him. The excitement of being in a relationship blinds him to the red flags that I see all to clearly. That said, he has been dating a girl for about 2.5 months, she is 26, already divorced, and has already brought some of her things to his apartment and had my brother pay $400 to have someone organize his entire place (not to mention she put up decorations, etc)... obviously it seems a plot to infiltrate his life. When we went out a couple times, her behavior struck me as bizarre- overly high energy, and attention seeking. When we were all in a cab, at one point she put her hand on my brother's mouth and said ,"no one cares what you think." The entire ride, she was spastic, overly high energy, etc. I can see she is superficial, manipulative, and attention seeking. Worst of all, she has my brother convinced that she is not. He likes her a lot, they are very into each other, and it worries me. I need to have a talk with him but do not know how to approach the topic or what I should say. Any advice?
If you see this as a pattern in your brothers life then there is a reason your brother is attracted to this type of women. Just from what you have written I cannot say and I am not a psychologist so it would be wrong for me to even speculate. But somewhere in his formative years he became attracted to this type of women.
Your speaking to him is not going to help and may even injure your relationship with your brother. What you really need to do is to get him to a psychologist who can help him find out why he is so attracted to this type of women and to realize why he allows himself to be taken advantage of.
This will not be easy as it falls under the heading of you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. He has to want to see the psychologist and work with him or her to find out why.
If he was my brother I might say something like, "Bro it hurts me to see some of the women you date take advantage of you." "You can do better and there are women out there who will love you for who you are and not what you will do for them." "I think you should consider seeing a therapist to find out why and if it will help I will even go with you to the first few sessions."
Therapy has to be his idea to work. The offer to go with him for the first few session sis to ease him into it and to tell the therapist why he is there if he won't tell him or her himself. Then you back out of the session as they are more productive one on one.
I am a 21 year old female university student and my parents really just won't leave me alone! I have a curfew of 12 o clock according to them, but if I ever go out they send me messages and call constantly asking when I'll be back, well before 12. I suppose the motivation behind this question goes back to an hour ago, I asked permission to go to the mall with my friends and my father said no that its too dangerous. I've spoken to them many times about this and at the time they agree that I would have some space but they never follow through. This is making me really miserable, and I just want them to understand that I'm an adult and want to have my own life. What could I do to make them let go?
Some parents believe in an old rule that says; "If you live under my roof you live by my rules." It is a good rule and it does have its' place though it is not meant to smother someone that is a full blown adult such as you. One reason parents impose this rule and get away with it is for people like you who may not be able to live on their own and who they may be supporting through college; more so if mom and dad are paying for college. This still does not make it right. As A parent myself I have gone through this with my son when he was in college.
What I asked of him is to be respectful of us. In that as long as he lived under our roof to let us know things such as when will he be home and if he is going to be delayed to call. Why would or did we ask this. Because he is our son and while he is living with us we would and di worry if he wasn't home when he said he would be; just like when he was younger. When he finally did leave home we still worry about him and always will though it is a different type of worry. IN fact the table have now turned as he gets upset if he doesn't know where we are so know we text him when we go out and when we return.
Other things we asked of him was not to make any extra work for his mother. To keep his room neat; to respect our things and if he makes a mess to clean up after himself. In general just be a respectful adult really not too much to ask.
When a child doesn't leave home or remains at home into adulthood that transition from child to adult is missing, especially for parents. For a daughter it is a harder thing to cut the apron strings for in the eyes of most fathers a daughter will always be his little girl even when she is all grown up and has children of her own.
What you need to do is to sit your parents down and talk with them. You start by telling them how much you love them and appreciate everything they have done and are doing for you. Then you need to remind them you are 21 legally an adult who by law they can no longer protect. Not only do you have the legal right to make your own decisions it is time that you started to make your own way in the world as you will not live with them forever and you need to prepare yourself to be on your own. Doing so with the safety net of living with them is a great help but should not be as stifling as it has been.
You gone on to say that at 21 a curfew is inappropriate. Instead you will advise them of when you expect to return so they not needlessly worry. If you are going to be late you will call or text them.
Unless you are using their car it is not appropriate for some one of your age to ask permission to go someplace so you are no longer going to ask but you may advise them if so inclined. The reason you need permission if you are using their car is because you are using their car and you need their permission because you are 21 and need permission to use their car.
You are 21 and unless and until you stand up for yourself you parent will continue to smother you. You have to break the ties that bind or they will continue even after you move out.
My parents fight. A lot. They fight about money mostly , not because they don't have good jobs, but because they both handle the money badly(we r in the upper middle class). They also fight about little stuff too tho. Sometimes they crack and scream and break things. I get stressed out about it all and have mini breakdowns because I am so scared, like I can fear pulsing through me. They will makeup and then during a trip they'll fight again and then the whole trip is ruined.
Sometimes my mom will want me to get involved and be on "her side". I feel like a traitor if I choose sides. My mom won't get a divorce BC 1. She wants to be repaid by my dad through the lifestyle and money because she made his career and 2. She knows on her own with me and my two siblings we would never be able to afford the life we have now. I don't tell my two best friends because I don't want them to think of my parents that way. In a way, pretending everything is all right is what keeps me sane. Soccer and piano help too, but I still have panic attacks even when I am doing that. What do I do?
Let’s start with the fighting. The fact they mom and dad fight does not mean they don't still love each other. Things said in the heat of an argument are rarely ever meant. The fact that they in a manner of speaking kiss and make up means they still love each other.
My God parents when they were alive constantly screamed at each other. It is just how the communicated but they loved each other to death a fact I was well aware of.
I don't know your parents so I can't really say what is behind all there arguing. Money does cause arguments. The fact that you have it does not mean you have to spend it. This in of itself can be the root cause of many arguments or it could be the other way around that one of your parents is pending money like a drunken sailor just because you do have it. This is another reason for arguments between parents.
Wanting to get a divorce because you want to be repaid for making someone’s career. This can be legitimate reason or just an excuse made to you to justify not getting a divorce. Under the law in most states a wife does have the right to 50% of her husband’s business or earnings if she is responsible for his ability to earn. Reasons would be her working and pay his way through college and schools such or Med or law school.
Now as for you. You should not upset yourself over your parents’ arguments. I know easy to say hard to do. Fact is there is little or nothing you can do. When mom or dad asks you to take their side in any argument you should simply say; "I love you both equally and I will not take sides." "Please work this out yourselves it hurts me physically to see you argue."
If they are good parents which I believe they are for you have not said differently this should bring them up short on their argument to ask you what you mean. This is when you tell them about their argument causing you panic attacks.
This is when you can suggest family counseling to help resolve whatever is causing the arguments. This is when you as to see your doctor and ask the doctor for help in suggesting family counseling.
In the alternative you can talk with a trusted teacher or your school principal about your home life and how you are having panic attacks. When a student comes to a teacher or principal as you would they are required to notify family services.
Family services would contact your parents and try to mediate the problems at home for you and to see to it you get the proper medical treatment to relieve the panic attacks. I fairly positive they would also mandate family counseling as well.
Your choice as to how you want to do this but one of these two choices is the best way to help yourself and your parents.
My parents give me no freedom whatsoever and it drives me crazy. My friends are allowed to do whatever they want, even the ones with overly strict parents get more freedom than I do. I know right now, there is nothing I can do about it, but when I turn 18 I want nothing more than to move out of my parents house. The problem is I doubt ill have enough money, im trying to get into a very expensive college my parents were planning to help pay for, I don't have a car yet, and I live in Mississippi so the legal age is 21. Can anyone help me with these issues? I read online that there was a way to move out at 18 even if your from one of the states that say to be 21. Would the police make me return home? I know this is many questions, but I'm very desperate
The Federal legal age is 18. The age of 21 is the legal age for other things such as drinking, signing contracts and other things the state may require the age of 21 for. Parents are legally required to support a child until age 18. After that age a child can be made to fend for themselves though most parents do not put their children out at age 18.
You may not legally be able to purchase a car in your state until you are 21, especially if you require a loan to do so. You may not be able to legally sign a rental agreement for an apartment in your state. Both of these agreements may require someone over the age of 21 signing as a cosigner guaranteeing payment. This does not mean you are not legally an adult.
Forall other purposes and respects at 18 you are an adult. If you were to commit a crime at age 18 you would be tried as an adult. If convicted you would be sentenced as an adult.
If you could find a place to live, possibly sharing an apartment with someone. You could move out of your parents home. The police could not force you to return to your parents home because you are legally an adult. Your parents though would also not be required to pay anything towards your college tuition if they were to change their minds once you turn 18.
This is also where it gets tricky. If you do attend college your parents, if it is an in state school and judging by what you have written, you would need your parents to sign the admissions forms for you until you are 21. Signing the admissions forms to my mind would obligate them to paying the tuition until you're 21.
I would suggest you check the law concerning age of adult in Mississippi. For if I'm correct old Mississippi State would have an abundance of enrolment each year.
You can get a proper answer by contacting legal aid nearest you. This is one area you need to know what your legal standing is so you know how to proceed once you turn 18.
I am nearly 24 years old, and I have an almost 30 year old sister who makes really stupid choices.
For the past six years, she has been dating a man who my family and I strongly disapprove of. This man is a thirty-five (almost thirty-six) high school drop-out who doesn’t work, can’t keep a job, and lives off of her support. Not only that, but he is a recovering alcoholic and has been physically abusive towards her in the past. Yet, she insists that she’s going to marry him.
Although I see no attempts on his part, I think that at their ages if they were going to get married, he would have worked at maintaining a job. They would have already tied the knot years ago. Instead I think that she’s going to wake up in a few years, realize that she is an unmarried old maid, and that this relationship has strongly screwed her up her life.
Lately I feel like this relationship is taking a toll on her health.
She says it’s not, but she’s the type of woman who becomes dependent on a man and will lie that he is doing things that we already know he is responsible for. They live out of state, so it is difficult to know what is going on. Since she has started dating I strongly doubt that she has ever had a stable, healthy relationship.
This weekend she had a bad panic/anxiety attack that may have been brought on by a hereditary thyroid condition. I know that this health condition could be caused by stress, and I think that her boyfriend is and always will be the primary cause of her stress, whether she admits it or not.
I am so tempted to attempt to break them up, but I think that this will be a bad idea.
I found out his phone number, and I want to text him and tell him that if he really loves her, he will break up with her, cut off all ties with her, move out, and tell her that he’s no longer in love with her, because he’s the primary cause of her stress..
Having had a boyfriend of four years, I am having second thoughts about doing this. We are not married or living together, solely for financial reasons. Yet my boyfriend and I are younger, and are both still in school.
I feel like it will seriously hurt her and result in no positives.
Should I restrain myself from doing so? Does even thinking of this scheme make me a bad person?
You are not a bad person; you have the best interest of your sister at heart. Loving your sister is never wrong though what you would like to do is as it will not have the outcome you wish for.
The foreseeable outcomes are:
She will hate you for breaking then up if you break then up causing her more stress.
He will tell her of your meddling and she will hate you causing a rift between you. This rift will cause both of unneeded stress and anxiety.
He is most likely a controller as well as a leech. If I am correct there is nothing you can do to break them up. Yes I'm sure your sister can do better than him but there is nothing you can do about it until she admits it to herself.
The best thing you can do for your sister is be supportive. Be there when the bottom of her world falls out from under her and it will at some point. When that happens she will need all the love and support you can give her and no of the "I told you so.