Currently I am paranoid that I am pregnant. I have not had a regular period since late October. Recently I experienced something that was like a period, but because it was so light I am convinced that it was just spotting. I read somewhere that sometimes a woman will have a light period when she first gets pregnant.

I don't know if this is in my head, but I am experiencing back pain, nausea after meals, headaches, constipation, which I have googled are some of the symptoms.

My boyfriend and I have plans to see each other, where I will take a pregnancy test at his house. Since the two of us are both in college we still live at home, so I would be taking this test in his mother's apartment. If it does test positive, I will ask him whether or not he feels comfortable about breaking the news with me.

Something tells me that his mother will be fine with it, since he is much older than some other people in his family who have been pregnant. His two female cousins on his mom's side became pregnant as teenagers. Even his mom had a child when she was 19, who she gave up for adoption, so she's been there.

His brother already knows and he and his girlfriend are being extremely supportive. I texted his brother's girlfriend last night, who has been here in the past, and she asked me what I wanted to do since it is a big choice.

My boyfriend's brother's girlfriend thinks that since I bled it is unlikely for me to be pregnant, but I look at that a little differently. I assume that she is primarily advising me on what she experienced, and online medical websites have told me that it's a possibility.

At the moment, I am confused as I ponder over what is the best choice for the two of us and our potential child. My boyfriend and I have an extremely loving and supportive relationship, and I don't know how I could possibly get myself to abort his child or give the baby up for adoption.

I am not sure if being raised by me and my boyfriend will be the best choice, because of finances and my education. Next semester will be my boyfriend's last semester but I still have another year left to complete.

Still, this is not the primary issue of my concern because I know that my boyfriend and I will make the best choice possible for all parties concerned. He's being amazing and totally supportive.

The problem is breaking the news to my own family. My boyfriend is so lucky to have the family that he does, which is so different than my old-fashioned upbringing. I am frightened of telling my parents. Primarily, my mother and my grandmother, who have already concluded that they do not like him.

How do I break this news to them if I am pregnant? I don't really want to tell them until I start showing. Is this best? Should I bring my polite, gentlemanly boyfriend who they have decided to turn against (even though he helped my mother get along using a cane during my cousin's wedding) to break the news (if possible)? I would prefer the perspective of a parent or grandparent.

I am a parent and old enough to be a grandparent though my son has yet to bestow that honor upon us. I am though a Great Uncle in all aspects of the word.

First: If you are pregnant you would be somewhere into your third month or the first trimester. Your uterus would be hard and depending on your weight you should have a fairly noticeable baby bump. Besides the symptoms you described, your breasts should have enlarged in preparation of feeding the baby.

Second: There are many reasons besides pregnancy for missing your period. Stress is the biggest one and is the cause of more missed periods then even pregnancy. Stress over a possible pregnancy of being pregnant is number 1 on the hit parade of stress related missed periods.

Taking a home pregnancy test is a good idea. It will either put to rest the fact that you are not pregnant or that you may be. Follow the directions on the package as to when to test to get the most accurate results.

I don't know your mother so it is hard to say how it is best to break the news to her. Since I do not have a daughter but I have two nieces I am very close too. I can tell you that as a father or an Uncle in this case there is no man good enough for them, never see a guy good enough for their daughters. My nieces are married to two very nice men on a firefighter paramedic as is my son so he gained slightly more acceptance at first.

My thoughts are as they are with any problem; to attach this head on as quickly as possible and then deal with the fallout. Mom and grandmother, you say, already don't like your boyfriend. Well they don't have to you’re the one who will live with him if you marry. If you’re pregnant married or not you will share this child with him forever.

Having your boyfriend with you when you tell your mom and grandmother will be great support for you I'm sure. The problem becomes do you want to put him in the line of fire of the rath you seem to expect when you inform them of your pregnancy. It is very possible they will not be as upset as you think they will be. Even as old fashion as you say they are, perspectives change when faced with the fact they are potential grandparent and great grandparents. Babies do that to us.

As to how to tell them, once you confirm your pregnancy. As I started with the best way is straight on. You say; "mom grandma I'm pregnant." Then wait for their response. They may some very nasty things. If so your response is very simple and one I truly believe in and give as advice practically every day.

"I'm over 18 and an adult responsible for my actions and allowed to have a sex life." You can in effect go on to say we made a mistake and we will deal with it. This really is all you need to say and all they need to hear. If they are supportive that is different and you can have a different type of conversation with them. IF not you have done what is required of you and let it be known that you and your boyfriend will decide what to do.

Speaking for myself if you were my daughter; I would be upset that in this day and age you would not have taken the proper precautions. I might say something to the effect of; "How could you have allowed this to happen." "I would not chastise you I would ask what help you needed from me.

That is me that is the way I work. I can't speak for your mom or grandmother. I do believe though that given time they will warm to the idea and eventually come to accept your boyfriend; for they will want to be around your child.


Been with my fiance 3 years now his daughter just turned 4. We are very happy and his ex simply can't have that. A few months ago she decided I can't be along around her daughter because she simply cannot trust me. I wasn't aloud to help my fiance with things only parents should do IE, making his daughter dinner, helping with baths, putting her to bed. Even though she let her boyfriend do these things I was simply not allowed to. She even went as far as taking his daughter on our week and not telling us where she was when I refused to be her best friend.
I tried explaining to her that being best friends was simply too complicated given the situation but all she heard was "NO" which sparked many issues.

I give distance between her daughter and I as to not threaten her position but she feels threatened by any actions.

Recently she has been asking me to take their daughter randomly throughout the week for no reason. Not even texting my fiance to ask. She does this last minute and has me waiting around to hear back from her. I find this hypocritical after she refused to let me even be alone with her. But it is okay for me to do these things if it is convenient for her.

We have a mutual friend who recently returned home from abroad and she has used her kindness as a pawn to force me into somethi I don't want. Lately she texts me and asks for us all to hang out or if our mutual friend is at my house she tries to invite herself over.

Recently she set up a girls day behind my back. This included me, our mutual friend, my fiance's aunt, her, and their daughter. She planned this and then asked me.

I said no to this and she got very angry. She still had her girl date but without me which is fine. However afterwords pictures were posted on Facebook and her and my fiance's aunt were putting passive aggressive comments tagging me in them. Basically hounding me for not coming with them which made me feel bad and even made me feel like they were speaking negatively about me during this outing.
Later she texted me asking me to once again take her daughter for a few hours. She had me wait around for 3 hours only to text me the last second and say she changed her mind.

My question is, how do I gain control of this situation, I feel like she is trying to drowned me, I don't want to say or do anything that might negatively impact our custody battle and cause unneeded drama. How do I deal with someone who wants to make me their best friend and if she can't have that her worst enemy? I'm confused and don't know what to say or how to stand up for myself in a manner that won't have a negative effect
She is a very hard person to get along with and will be angry if she doesn't get what she wants....

Please help!
A desperate future step mom.

Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. You're damned if you do a damned if you don't.

The ongoing custody battle is in my eyes the root of the problem. Until that is settled she is going to do everything possible to prove you a bad person or bad parent. This includes all these last minute things and the attempts to spark a friendship. To me she is being very calculating.

What I suggest and you need to discuss this with your fiancé before doing so is this. Sit down and write her a letter, not a text message. Make copies of the letter for your fiancé, his attorney and for hers.

In this letter spell out that until the custody battle is over and you and your fiancé are married these are the things you can do to assist both of them with the care of the little girl. Tell her that you understand that emergencies sometimes happen and when they do you will, if you can step into help. Things such as picking her up from school, daycare, taking her to a doctors appointment and so on. She needs to understand that you are not always going to be available when she needs you and should have backup plans for when this happens.

You should or could also tell her that once you and your fiancé are married and the custody battle is completed. It would be nice if a friendship between all of you could happen if for no other reason than the benefit of the child. Until then you feel it is better for all if a proper distance is kept between you as there are bound to be hurt feelings by one of the parties when the custody battle is settled. To compound these feeling with the possible loss of a budding friendship does not have to compound the problem.

You should finish your letter with that the main concern of all of you should be the child as she is the innocent in this. You will always try to be there for her. Emergencies can be limited with proper planning. With proper planning and notification you can adjust your schedule to do things with and for the child when she or the father are not available. She needs to understand that you too have commitments that you need to honor and with proper planning you all can be there for the little girl.

This is how you take back control. Make sure to CC: at the bottom to show that copies of this letter are going to the lawyers. The reason for sending them to the lawyers is to show that you are not unwilling to help parent the child. That you are being the reasonable one and that she is making unreasonable demands to prove you unfit to parent her child. You can add in the letter some of the things she has done that in light of a court room would make you look unfit. Explained in this form she looks to be the calculating person she is.

Of course before you mail the letter you let your fiancé's attorney look at it first.


Hello advicenators,

My uncle said some nasty stuff about my grandfather, what filters should I pass this stuff before I tell my grandfather about it. I have heard about 3 filters ,is it truthful ,is it good, is it useful? I dont know if its truthful, good or bad dont know either, useful, probably?

Should i tell my family and my grandfather about what my uncle said?


Kind Regards


As Razhie has said, unless the information you have in some way endangers your grandfathers health or safety my advice is to forget what your Uncle has said. If your Uncle is his brother or brother in-law your grandfather is most likely already well aware of what your Uncle is saying about him.

I cannot explain why your Uncle may have said whatever it is he has told you. If it is derogatory in nature I can only assume there is some form of hard feeling between the two.

If you find whatever was said to you truly worrisome to you then go to either mom or dad, whoever is your grandfathers child, and ask them why your Uncle would tell you this. I'm sure your father or mother will put your concerns at ease as well as tell you why your Uncle may have said what he said and if it was true or not.

This is all the filter you need and only to put your mind at rest. If your Uncle has told you something that mom or dad is unaware of then let them decide if they feel their father needs to know this information and let them inform their father.


Imagine that you went to your daughter and son in law's new house for Thanksgiving ten days ago. There were some other relatives there, so there weren't enough bedrooms for everyone and your youngest daughter had to sleep on a matress in what they call the media room.

Saturday night, you and your daughters stayed up late in the media room talking. Your oldest was sitting on the far side of the couch drinking wine and somewhat intoxicated.

Sunday morning, you and your family were preparing to make the long, painful, nine hour drive home. Then you and your oldest daughter discover this series of stains on the wall of the media room above the matress that your youngest daughter slept on.

You both assumed that your youngest daughter did it, but she insisted that she didn't and you believed her because you noticed that the purple stains looked a lot like the red wine your oldest daughter was drinking the previous night. Given where she was sitting and the way she was swinging the drink around, it was obvious that she splattered the wine on the wall.

You tried to help by cleaning it up, but the cheap paint started coming off of the wall with nothing but a slightly wet rag. It would have come off no matter who tried to clean it off. You son in law, though, insists that the entire wall and perhaps even the whole room will have to be repainted.

Your daughter and son in law were acting mad at you for it, so you offered to pay to have the wall repainted. You apologize to your daughter and son in law, but both of them (especially your son in law) wouldn't forgive you and gave you the cold shoulder. They also acted mad at your youngest daughter who has done nothing wrong and is being blamed for something her older sister did.

You're getting really feel it with it and have discovered that there's no reason to pay for the wall. Your youngest daughter did not create the stains and you may have taken the paint off the wall, but if you didn't, your oldest daughter would have. Offering to pay for the wall didn't make them forgive you and sure, you said you'd pay for it, but your oldest daughter and son in law never, and I mean NEVER do anything they say they're going to do.

So, would you pay for the wall?

We are probably about the same age so I believe I know how you feel. We are about to experience the same thing at Christmas at my sons new home with the entire family being there and the possibility of what you experienced could happen to us.

My knee jerk reaction to what you have written is to say if it is affordable either send them a check or go to Home Depot or Lowes, whichever is near their home, and get a gift card in the value of a gallon of paint and the cost of a roller and roller pan plus a plastic drop cloth. I'm sure your son in-law is capable of painting a wall or a room. It does not take a professional painter to paint a wall.

When my wife and I moved into our first home my sister brought a Jell-O mold over for Thanksgiving dine and promptly dropped it on our brand new Beige carpeting. Try as we might we were unable to get the stain out. Fortunately it was in a spot where we could just put a potted plant over it until we moved out. It was out of sight and out of mind. The new owners never saw the stain as they put new carpeting in before they moved in. Your Daughter and son in-law can hang a picture over the spot until they repaint the wall.

Paying for the paint and having your son in-law paint the wall should hopefully keep peace in the family. I would not pay for a professional painter as it should not take more than two hours to paint the room and a professional would want $300 to $500 to do the work. No reason to spend that kind of money when you are not even sure who is at fault.


I should start by saying that my parents are in their late 40s and 50 years, as well as the fact that they were raised in Colombia.
I'm the first born generation in the US and am college student majoring in art education.
I'm starting in a community college and transferring to a 4 year university. After much research I decided on going to the Virginia Commonwealth university. Thier program is rated one of the highest best for art education.

There's just one problem.

I made a good friend via internet who lives in Virginia. He is 24/m I met him when he was 22. I have met him in person several times now over the past year and have met his family over Skype. He is literarily the most amazing person I know.
My mother met him once and didn't like him at all just because I met him online, he lived in a different state and "he looks weird".
After 2 years of talking to him, I have developed very strong feelings for him and he reflects them back. He travels 6 hours one a month to see me in secret (my mother told me she never wanted to see him in front of our house again).

The plan was to get an apartment in Virginia and actually reside there. Not just dorm.

How can I tell and convince my parents that I'm leaving New Jersey permanently to go to school and reside in Virginia? And that it is on my own terms not my friend's who supports any school I choose?

This could get a bit complicated as there is an element missing; such as who is paying for college and living expenses.

If you are paying your own way through college then moving out of your parents home and living with your boyfriend is your right as an adult. Your parents can object but that's is all they can do for as an adult they cannot control you as they did when you were a minor. You have total free will now as guaranteed under the laws and Constitution of our country.

Now if your parents are paying for your college education, this is where things get a bit murky. Once again you are an adult. Your parents obligation to you under the law ended on your 18th birthday. They are no longer obligated by law to do any of the things they provided when you were a minor. They certainly are under no obligation to pay for your college. Promises made to you were made with the understanding that you would abide by their continued parenting while in school. It may not have been said outright but it was inferred.

Now for the part that gets murky. Your parents may approve of the school but not your living arrangement. This would violate the agreement they made with you and their obligation to fund your schooling and your parents would no longer be obligated to pay for school.

Earlier this year a young lady someplace in this country (I have forgotten where) sued her parents to pay for her schooling for very similar reasons as I have laid out here. The judge told her to go home as her parents requested or live without their financial support.

While you are free to do as you please and your parents do not have to like it or get it. There control over you may be the financial support you need to get a college education.

This is what you may need to consider. If financial support is not a problem then your parents do not have to approve or get it. You are not obligated to get their approval before doing what you want. What I suggest though is you sit down with your parents and explain to them that you have been seeing this boy, behind their backs. That you love him and why. This may be enough to make them get it as you say.


My husband and I have been married for 13. He is an amazing man who has always put family before everything (we have two young sons, 4 and 6 years old).

We live nearly 4 hours from my parents (and my side of the family, including my brother and several cousins, aunts, and uncles--grandparents are deceased) and almost 5 hours from his parents (the rest of his family is spread throughout the US and other countries). He and I both grew up very close to family, only minutes away from relatives, and have tons of fond memories of family gatherings, surprise visits, stories, sleepovers, and more...and all I've ever wanted was for my own kids to have the same memories and experiences.

We've been living this distance from family for more than 8 years now because his career relocated us, so earlier this year we discussed taking steps for him to continue his career elsewhere so we may move "back home" within the next two years and our sons can forge the relationship with their grandparents and extended family that we had with ours.

Unfortunately, my husband threw me for a loop this weekend when he confessed he doesn't really want to move...and I just want to cry. He does have a great career with a great company, and he's advancing very well, so I can understand entirely where he's coming from there. But we had already shared our plans with our parents. I know that especially my parents will be crushed, and I haven't the heart to yet break the depressing news to our parents...or our sons.

I just don't know what to do. I was genuinely looking forward to moving, and now I'm so disappointed. And I know we should stay where the money and "security" are, but I believe our sons are missing out on what my husband and I had as kids...all because of money. I also understand that traveling more to see family is another option, but this is getting expensive, means less weekends for us at our own home, and yields constant bickering from family when they argue that it's their turn for a visit (yes, we've been dealing with that for years too). Due to the distance we only see family a few times a year right now...and currently we're being pulled in a few different directions in terms of what our parents and relatives want us to plan to do for Christmas this year, which always adds more stress to the holidays for us.

I know he will do whatever I ask--he has always put me and our sons first--but I also don't want him to then be remorseful towards or upset with me.

I am in such a predicament...

I believe you need to take a more practical approach to this. For one thing two years is a long time and many things could change. To stress out over it not worth while at this time. You also need some at home time to make some family traditions of your own.

My son is all grown living on his own in another state. This is fine he is not all that far away but when holidays come around it is our home and the traditions he grew up on that at the moment he wants to continue. When he marries and has children there will be traditions he and his wife may want to start at home for their family and this will be fine with my wife and me.

We will travel to them when we are able to and your family can travel to you which you do not mention them doing. All the travel, expense and the upheaval is on you and your family. This is not right. If they are able to, from a health standpoint they can come to you once in awhile. If money is a problem then you can offer assistance if you want to.

As I see it see, based on your letter. You are being taken advantaged of if you are doing all the traveling. Roads run in two directions. Stay home this year and invite your parents and anyone else you might want to come to you. See what happens when offer to entertain them.

As for your husband giving up his job to move back home. at this time I have to say that is a bad idea. The job market for good high paying jobs while in recovery is still not back to pre-recession job market. The forecast is for the job market to continue to get better though it will do so slowly and may take another 4 more years or longer.

Now is not a good time to be looking to make a change unless it is absolutely needed. Remember anyone who changes jobs now is the last in. IF the economy tanks again, which is possible, last in, first out. Your husband has a good position where he is, he is moving up in the company. IF you weathered the last recession with this employer unscathed then you can hope to weather the next one should it happen.

My advice put any thought of asking your husband of quitting his job on hold for 18 months. See what the job market is back where you want to live. I have a feeling that at this time it is a combination of liking his job and the security of providing for his family that is on his mind at this time. If the economy changes for the good he may feel better about changing jobs 18 months from now.


Ok so this is really hard for me but I need to get this out

So when I was in months old my parents got a divorce I was a baby so it didn't really affect me right after my dad started dating this girl and I really liked her but they broke up then in 2nd grade my dad again started dating this girl who I hated she was a bitch her kids were brats and she was just horrible my dad was thinking about marrying her this one day she had yelled at me and my older sister when we were doing nothing and my dad had believed her and not his own kids and it came to the place where we actually wanted to live with our mom who wasn't a stable parent she said and I quote "I'll never choose a guy over my kids" so things got better with my dad and then In 6th grade my mom started dating this guy I didn't like he was no good for her and he was/is in prison I tolerated him but I never liked him then we went on a vacation and my mom gave her boyfriend my number because her phone got turned off and he never called all vacation and then when I'm back with my dad he wants to call I ignored the calls but he wouldn't stopped calling I finally answered and I said very nicely that I'm not with my mom and he wouldn't get the memo and he was being really stupid like "just give the phone to her" " I know shes there stop lying" then he got mad and hung up then my mom calls back 10 minutes later and yells at me for having attitude with him and being disrespectful she wouldnt even let me explain she just took his side like she said she would never do if she didn't say that I probably wouldn't have gotten so hurt I didn't see her for months anyway now I'm in 9th grade and both my mom and dad are in good relationships and that's good but idk why but I feel like I'm a good place with my dads girlfriend but my moms boyfriend he's nice and wants to get to know me but I just can't idk why but it scared me to death to actually get to know him and I can't seem to trust my mom as much but my dad and I have one of the best relationships

My question is why can I forgive my dad but not my mom
and how come I can get to know my dads girlfriend and not my moms boyfriend ?

Please answer

This is one of those questions I do not believe any of can actually advise you on. It is however a question that deserves an answer or at least someone to have a one on one conversation with who can help you find these answers.

There is a lot of hurt in your your life and this hurt needs to be dealt with in a proper and professional manner. By this I mean with a psychologist trained to help you find these answers and to help you find the root causes of these problems. There is something deeper here that has to come out before you can go forward and deal with these problems correctly. Not to deal with them properly will cause you problems later in life.

A psychologist is someone you can talk to secure in the knowledge that everything you say and discuss with him or her stays in therapy. Your parents will never be told of anything you say. What the psychologist will do is suggest to them ways in which they can help you and in your case have a better relationship with you. Which would include potential step parents.

If your father has health insurance through work. Ask him for the number of the EAP help line. Then call the and ask them for the name numbers of some psychologists in your area, you can ask specifically for women young if you want. Before you call any of them look them up on the web. Find out how long they have been in practice and the type of practice they have. Then choose which one you want to call first.

It is possible that your first choice in therapist is someone you don't feel comfortable with. Just say so the therapist will help you find another therapist you may be more comfortable talking to. For this to help you the therapist has to be someone you would trust with your deepest secrets.

Don't worry about the cost. The EAP program will pay for a certain amount of visits, something you can ask about when you call. If you need more visits after that your fathers health insurance will cover some of the cost.

I truly believe this is the best way to get the answers to the questions you have posed.


I grew up in a middle class slightly conservative family.my mom raised me with all her care and sacrifices as she had so many unfulfilled dreams as she was forcibly married to my dad at the peak of her career and my dad and his family didn't allow her to go after her wish and tortured her mentally.so my mom wanted me to fulfill all her dreams and never believed on my ability.my dad on other hand kept comparing with my cousin sisters since I was born.he used to say I am not polite submissive and I have no female component in my nature.my
mom always kept comparing me with others and neglected me as who I was really."A is good in studies, B keeps practicing dance n all" she used to tell me all this even in front of others.now I proved myself by pursuing masters from the no.1university in country.mom n dad take pride in it.but when it comes to insulting me they shout n compare me with the neighbor girls who are far more inferior than me, one who eloped and married to her neighbor n the other stuying hons from a worst college.this is the way my parents insult me when I always have been thinking how to give them happiness and peace and never made them to suffer for me.why?as my mom's marriage was an arranged1 and she was the 1amongst her cousins who didn't go for love marriage so she wants me to hide my relationship from everyone as they can discuss that her daughter is dating a guy openly in her town whereas no1 can spot out any fault in my mom from her own town.

I'm sorry you have been hurt like this. Unfortunately as parents we parent, many of us parent, as we have been parented for it is all we know. I know how you feel always being compared to others never being good enough even when what you are doing is better for yourself or your community. My father was very much like your parents. He never had a kind word for me always telling me I could do it better or someone else could do it better. when he started in on my son in the same manner that was the straw that broke the Camels back. I stopped trying to please him and stood up to him.

You are the only one you have to please. I developed a motto that worked very well for me. I goes like this; "The only person I have to be better than tomorrow is the person I am today." What this has always meant to me especially as a District Sales Manager is not how many sales were made today. I never worried about sales, what were not made today were made tomorrow. What this meant was I needed to learn something new each day that would help me grow. That would either help me in my business or personally. Even now as I am retired I look each day to learn something new." "New besides providing growth is fascinating.

As I found out, you will never please your parents, it is just not possible for their expectations are jut not there. They will always find a fault with something or anything you do or take pride in so do not do for them do for yourself. You also have to be careful with your children around them when you have them for they will be no different with your children then they have been with you.

I'm going to ask you to do one other thing for yourself. I found out much later in life that because of my childhood, my sister as well, that we suffered from depression for most of are lives. we didn't know this because this was our lives our normal. Please see you family doctor and get screened for clinical depression. The screening is painless and amounts to your doctor asking you a number of questions. The doctor will also want to do a complete physical, allow it, as to rule out any organic cause for depression.

If you are found to be suffering with depression get proper treatment and talk therapy. You will feel much better and see what life is supposed to be and feel like. You can always private message me if you want to talk about anything.


I am in a relationship with a girl for about 3 years and we belong to different religions but we are not bothered with it. Although our parents definitely have an issue with it.
So we are planning to getting married in a marriage court. But we won't be disclosing it to our parents and will not marry to any one else. As I am staying in US and our parents are back home. They won't be knowing about our marriage.
Is this a good idea for keeping peace and not disappointing any of our parents? As I can sponsor my to be wife and we can live together. And once our parents asks us to get marry, we do that.
Any suggestions and honest insights are welcomed. God Bless.

I believe you asked a similar question yesterday. My advice then was it was your lives you should live them. To advise you to hide something like this form your parents would be wrong of me and wrong of you to do so. Trust me when I say this when you seek to deceive you will be found out and the situation you are trying to avoid will be worse.

You have to live your lives for yourselves not for your parents. I tell you this as a parent not just as an advisor. Yes we parents can get upset but then we get over it.

y suggestion is to do what is best for you and your girlfriend not what you feel your parents want. In the end you will regret allowing your parents to break you up and that is a wound that may never heal.


My step dad is really mean sometimes and is just always yelling. I tell my mom about this but she won't do anything about it.

I'm sorry to hear about this and I wish I have had better advice then I do for you. Unless your step dad is abusing you, verbal abuse is also a type of abuse though it depends on what is said, there is not much you can do about this. More on this in a moment.

There are not a lot of men who are willing to marry someone that comes with a built in family so give this man some credit for stepping in and providing the basic necessities a child requires as well as what mom needs from a man.

Mom need love, companionship, someone that would help raise you and yes she most likely wanted a sex life as well. She is you mom her needs did not die when your dad left for what ever reason he is not with you. If your dad is not with you because of a divorce it is expected that you and your stepfather may not have the best of relationships. You might try being nicer to him, he is not the enemy and I'm sure he is not trying to take your fathers place in your life but to be responsible for you while you are in his home and care. If this is what I believe he is trying to be to you then work with him.

Now as to abuse. There are two types: Physical abuse where you are being hit or punched and include spankings with things other than a hand. This also includes sexual abuse. Then their is verbal abuse. This would include saying hurtful things to you.

If any of this is going on and mom refuses to do anything about it; you do have recourses and recourse. For physical abuse you can always call 911, use your cell phone. The police cannot be turned away until the interview you and actually see marks or don't see marks left by the physical abuse. If you can get out of the house run to the nearest police or fire station. These are safe havens for children.

If you are being verbally abuse talk to a trusted teacher or your school principal, Tell them of the abuse. Once informed they are legally required to make a report to child protective services and the police. You can also go to the nearest Police or Fire station and ask for help.

Yelling alone is not consider abusive unless it is constant and then it is a fine line.

I wish I had better advice for you but without more information this is the best I can offer. When you turn 18 you can leave and live where you wish. Until then if your parents are divorced you have to live where the courts order you to live.


why a 14 years child lie and what to do

All children lie, why this is I'm really not sure. Mostly I believe it is the fear of getting into trouble. How you handle the lying is really up to you.

How I handled my child's lying is this way. Of course he was punished in what I thought was appropriately for what he lied about. As the saying goes let the punishment fit the crime. After you talk to your child about the following advice if the lying continues then the punishment escalates until the child gets the message.

Now some children are habitual liars; hope this is not the problem with your son for if it is there is another problem. One that requires professional help do find out and correct. That help would be in the form of a psychologist and talk therapy. Hopefully this is not the problem with your child.

So you have caught your child lying. First administer the proper punishment; grounding, extra chores around the house, extra school work if the lie involves school work. Do not back down on the punishment see it threw no matter how hard it may be on you. The child must learn that just like society exacts punishment when laws are broken; mom and dad exact punishment when house rules are broken and they are lied too.

Then sit down and explain to your child how it is better to tell the truth rather than lie. One thing about the truth is you never have to write it down for it is easy to remember. Lies have to be written down because they are hard to remember and while he or she will not remember what he lied about; the person he or she lied to will always remember what was said and what the lie was. This is how they will get caught.

You continue to tell them that telling the truth will not always mean they will not get punished for what ever happened or what they were thinking about lying about. What will happen is the punishment will be far less severe than if they lie and the lie is discovered.

You may have to pound this into your child over several conversations. Just remember a 14 year old teenager has many things happening to them. Puberty is in play and those hormones may just play a part in the lying if this is something new to the behavior of your child.

It is hard for us as adults to remember what it was like to go through puberty. Puberty can hit a young teenager extremely hard causing the many problems that as adults we see as behavioral problems. They are really frustrations with things they do not know how to deal with. In fact these frustrations can cause what doctors now call "Teenage Depression" caused by Hormone imbalance as the body compensates for the new hormones.

If this seems to be the problem take you child to the doctor and have him or her screened for depression. This is not a true mental illness as it is caused by a medical condition easily rectified with a pill for a few years. During this time it is also advisable to have the child see a therapist. This is someone they can talk to that they would never talk to their parents about. Free in the knowledge that what they talk with the therapist about stays with the therapist.



I just found out some terrible news. My sister just had a miscarriage. This sucks! There aren't words bad enough to express how much this sucks! I didn't even know she was pregnant and apparently she and her husband were planning on telling everyone Thanksgiving.

I feel sooooooo bad. Since my sister's the first born, I feel like she's always been the golden child while I'm the family f

I'm sorry that your sister had age miscarriage. While it is hard to hear and even harder to justify; there are times that a miscarriage is better than some of the alternatives. It is generally accepted that a miscarriage happens because there is something wrong with the embryo and to carry the embryo to term is wrong as it will be horribly malformed and may not live outside the womb. So the body rejects it. IT is not your sisters’ fault or her husbands and it is not as your grandmother might say Gods punishment for something she may have done wrong. Science says otherwise.

If she miscarried and she did so in a hospital then pathology was done; standard procedure for all human tissue coming from an OR. If you really want to know why the miscarriage happened the pathologist might have the reason. My advice is to stay ignorant of the science as it will not help. It happened, the next step is for your sister is to see her GYN and have a complete physical. Wait until the doctors says okay to try again and then do so. She needs to keep her wait up and to eat properly, stop smoking if she is a smoker and no coffee or tea while pregnant.

As for what you can do. You need to be her best support. You could head of grandma and her vile comments before she has a chance to say anything to your sister. In this instance it is okay to make whatever type threat needed to protect your sister. As you put you can't be held in any less esteem by her than you already are so if a threat is needed to keep grandma in line by all means use an appropriate one, just not one that would be of physical harm to her.

Be there to supportive of your parents too. As you will find out when you have children of your own; when your child or children hurt you hurt. You want to take the pain away even if it means being in pain yourself. This is parenting.

Being supportive means helping them get past this, your sister included. It could mean maybe a girls say out somewhere like a day spa for the three of you. Maybe a shopping trip for three with a nice lunch thrown in, anything that helps them take their mind of this and you two. You would be surprised how doing some normal things help ease the pain. The object is to get them out of the house where they sit around feeling sorry for themselves and you too.

You might recommend to your sister and brother in-law to take a vacation if affordable. A nice change of scenery is also helpful. It might be nice to do so when the doctor says it is okay to start trying to have a baby. A nice relaxing vacation may just be the key to a quick conception.


My uncle is a pot head going through divorce and ruining my cousins lives. And on top of that, my brothers girlfriend is seven months pregnant. Honestly, my parents are sick of it and I don't know what to do any more. Please give advice. My family is falling apart as we pass each day. I'm only fifteen, and I don't need this right now. I can't even think straight.

I can understand why your parents would be upset and concerned with what is happening with both your uncle and your brother. Use of illegal drugs such as pot is something you're all Uncle did on his own and if this is the cause of the break up of his marriage is not your fault and it is not something you or your parents really can do anything about.

If the break up of your uncles marriage and his use of pot is causing you great concern and you would like to know what to do about it to help yourself and him then I recommend the following. There is an organization called Al ateen. I believe the website addresses Alateen.org go to that website you'll find locations for meeting sites in your hometown where you can go and speak to others that have similar problems as yours. Through them you can find out a better way to work or handle the problems that you have with your uncle. You're not going to change your uncle or his pot habits what you will find out is how to better deal with him so as not to cause you such great concern or the harm that it is doing to you. There is also a website called Al-Anon you might recommend to your parents to go to this website it's Al-Anon.org where they will find meeting locations where they too can find better ways to deal with the problems caused by your uncle.

As for your brother or his girlfriend becoming pregnant, you're going to be an aunt very shortly. The best thing you can do is be prepared to help care for the baby and to take the stress off of being and unwed parent if this is the way things are going to be.

Just remember none of what's going on is not your doing or your parents doing it is just life. Sometimes in life things like this happen and the best you can do is to deal with what happens as it happens; to get upset to get angry is only harmful to yourself. This does not do you or your parents any good.

I know what I'm about to say is easier said than done but the best thing you can do for yourself and your parents is to go about your daily life as best you can. Be available to help be supportive but to stay out of the situations. What is uppermost for you to remember here is that in neither of these situations have you done anything wrong. As the saying goes the best thing you can do for yourself is to stay off the radar, in other words do what's asked of you. Try not to cause any new problems for your parents they have enough to worry about. Be helpful and just do whatever you need to do with as little bother to your parents as you can. I know this is not the answer you're looking for but it's the best advice I can give you.


To be honest I feel like a prisoner.
My parents sort of force me to do sports, like they just sign me up each year without asking if I'd LIKE to do it. They ask also force me to alter serve, and I don't believe in that stuff anymore, because I'm bisexual and the bible is against that so...........
And I remember my mom forced me to do dance even though I hate dancing I cried that I didn't want to do it but she just yelled that I had to, and the only reason she wanted me to do it was because my friends were all doing it. It got to the point where I'd refuse to go and misbehaved so I got kicked out (I was younger) another thing she forced me to do is band,I decided to try for a year and she wouldn't let me quit when I decided I didn't like it. I want to learn gymnastics, maybe be a cheerleader, but she won't let me, she shamed me for it.
I tried to tell her I didn't want to do alter serving anymore but she got all bad and even got OTHER people (a nun, a couple of priests, random strangers) to subtly convince me to keep doing it. I overheard her reveal it to a family member. I didn't tell her the golden reason why I wanna quit because I don't think I'm ready.

I will get to the parenta issue in a moment, first I would like to address the issue of bisexual and labels.

I want to stress that there is nothing wrong being bisexual. My concern is given your age, which I believe to be mid to late teens, are you truely bisexual or a teenager experementing with her sexuality.

It is not unusual for a teenager to experement with his or her sexuality with someone of the same sex. I have known a few females that were bi all the way through college then went straight hetero. Why, simply because it is easier, safer and in college women out number men. At your age it is easier and safer to have a lesbian sexual relationship while still liking boys for parents will not question two girls having a sleep over or being together behind closed doors. Puberty causes sexual tension. Masturbation is one way to relieve the tension as is same sex sexual relations.

As you reach the age of majority, age 18, you can if you wish have a sex life with or without parental approval. Once you can have an open sex life you may wish to have a more normal male/female sexual relationship.

If you label yourself as bi now two things are possible. You will find it harder to have one on one sexual relaionships with male partners later. For now many of your classmates will not understand and you could be subject too harrasment and harm. So first make sure you are not just experimenting. If you have not had intercourse with a male then you are experimenting as you have nothing to compare. This does not mean you should go out and have sex with a male. You can wait.

Now as to your parents. First they mean well and please understand that what they do is not meant to hurt you but for the most part to keep you safe and secondly to give you a well rounded upbringing.

Parents of teenage girs biggest fear is for them to come home one day and announce they are pregnant. Many parents of teenage girls feel that if they keep them busy they won't have time for dating and sex. This may be true more often it is not.

I had a partner who raised a two teenage girls who followed this philosophy. When the first daughter went of to college; when she came home after the first semester. I'm sure you guessed it, she announced she was pregnant. She had never learned how to date or handle boys plus she just went wild with her freedom.

Use the story I just gave you if you think it will help and have a conversation with your parents. tell them how you feel and ask them to trust you. You need the opportunity to spread your wings and find out how the world operates while they are able to help you and in a way pick up the pieces if you hit a the proverbial wall. This is what teenage life is all about. Learning to become a law abiding adult and how to funtion in the adult world.

Trust is a big part of functioning in the adult world. You need to learn to earn trust and how to trust others. This is what you need to discuss with your parents.


My sister is one of my best friends. I love her and the last thing I'd want to do is hurt her feelings which is why this is hard for me.

She got married, had a house built, and moved into that house all since June of this year. I've been to her new house and it's amazing. She and her husband are SOOOOOO excited about having the whole family down for thanksgiving and up until recently, I was excited about going. However, now I've hit a problem.

Long story short, I think my mom and granddad might stay home for thanksgiving and if they do, I think I'm gonna need to stay with them so it's not just the two of them for thanksgiving. My sister will still have her husband, dad, grandmother, and all of her in laws, so I think it's the best thing to do.

So, how do I break it to her if I end up not going to her place thanksgiving? She's really excited about it. She's been texting me about how excited she is, she's making all of these plans, she's even planning to bake a pumpkin pie simply because I love it and I'm tellin' you, her pumpkin pie is so good, it's as addictive as cocaine.

What am I gonna do?

Whatever you do don't make up a story for if you do you had best write it down for you will forget but your sister won't.

The best thing to do is to tell her the straight truth. That if mom and granddad do not go to her home for Thanksgiving that you think it might be best if you stay with them; so they are not alone. Then ask her what she thinks? By telling her what you feel is the right thing for you to do and asking her what she thinks you are making it a joint decision for you to stay with your mom and granddad. If your sister gets upset over what is the right thing to do it should not be with you but with the fact that her mom and granddad are not coming and this means you must be with them so they are not alone.

It is a little bit of salesmanship in how you present it to your sister. Instead of telling her what you think is best you ask her if she agrees that it is best you stay with mom and granddad. It takes the sting out of doing what you think is right.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving, wherever you celebrate it.


it's gotten so bad that they took it upon themselves to "cleans" my room taking anything they thought seemed demonic, like a spiral of glow n the dark stars on my wall because we live n a spiral galaxy which to them is apparently demonic, they took my posters down lost all of my medication and threw it out & that's not even the most annoying part. I had a headache and just wanted to be left alone and they came in my room & pinned me down trying to perform an exorcism on me! I had bruises all over they were forcing me down so hard &I was just like dude just leave me alone I have a headache and you guys are screaming and yelling and crap, they ripped off my that I've had since 2010 of my favorite rock band that my friend bought for me & on top of all that they refuse to replace my medication that THEY lost because I have a sprained sacroiliac and bad back spasms and arthritis and an ulcer and my dr. can't replace my medication (Percocet) until the 5th. At first my dr. wouldn't prescribe me anything stronger than tramadol but my pain got to the point where I couldn't even walk by myself &I had really low blood pressure & anemia plus c-dif, but I have nothing to take for it because they through it all out. I have to literally hide the things in my room they took my mardi gras masks that I got for donating food to the homeless shelter and threw them out. Am I wrong for being totally pissed off at them at this point for trying to force me to go back to Christianity? I'm not an atheist or an agnostic I'm a spiritualist and my beliefs are based in love, peace, and harmony, I'm a vegetarian, I believe in aliens and I believe in spirit guides and God but not a jealous, fearsome judgemental one trying to convince us that we're all sinners. Fear is the opposite of love so why would a source made of love demand to be feared. I've respected their beliefs and constantly have to ask them to do the same but this time they took it too damn far. I shouldn't have to hide things in my room when my family comes over because they'll take it out it's my room and I have the right to have whatever I want in it, They even ripped my blinds down (which are black because I get really bad migraines ever since I was a baby) and broke them off the wall TWICE and I had to use push pins to put them back up cause I'm really light sensitive. And now they're doing the same thing to my twin sisters stuff (who has the same beliefs as I do) and I'm just getting sick of it at this point. They even consider me being a vegetarian a sin but apparently it's okay to torture and kill animals for food. How fucked up is that. I'm 24 and female.

Okay you have several problems with your parents that are police matters if you want to report them. The exorcism is an assault for they are not qualified to perform one. Only specific priests are trained to do so and only after they have done certain things to assure that the person is possessed. This type of assault could be felony assault considering they know of your medical history. Withholding of needed medication is also illegal as you are an adult of sound mind following doctors instructions.

I'm not sure if you are living in your parents house. AT FIRST I THOUGHT YOU LIVED AT HOME BUT YOUR LAST COUPLE OF SENTENCES MAKE ME THINK YOU DO NOT LIVE WITH THEM. If you do not you do not live with your parents and they come into your place of residence, be it an apartment you share with others or a rented room, they are trespassing unless invited. Since I don't think you invited them in to trash your room then they are trash passing or even burglarizing your room. All of these can be felony charges you can bring against them.

You are an adult, they have no longer have parental control over you unless they have some court order giving them guardianship. This could only be done if you are deemed medically or mentally incompetent. Even then some of what you have written about they cannot do to you or upon you.

Not knowing what legal status you parent might have over you I suggest you contact the police or an attorney for advice.


My Grandpa and I have never had a relationship. I don't dislike him or anything but we've just never bonded or had anything to talk about. Recently I found out he has stage 4 lung cancer. My mother has been guilt tripping me about how I haven't called him (he lives in Georgia and I am in California). I do not want to make him feel weird or awkward or anything because we have never spoke on the phone. We haven't spoke in years actually. Am I wrong for not calling? I feel it is a bit of a selfish act but at the same time don't want him to realize I am calling just because he is dying. This sounds so awful. Words of advice please.

I would never advise you to call someone just because someone else is guilt tripping you into it. You are an adult now and you know what feels right and what feels wrong.

Calling your grandfather who is aware of his medical condition gives you an opportunity to say good bye to him and let him know you are thinking of him. It is not weird or awkward for someone in his condition to receive calls from people he has not spoken to in years and may even lift his spirits to hear from his long lost granddaughter. This phone call from you also gives him the opportunity to say goodbye to you.

IF there was bad blood between you then my advice would be different. You would have every right not to call. Since it is just a matter of you two never bonding the phone call is your choice to make without reservation or guilt trip.


State Pennsylvania

My friend had gotten primary custody of his daughter due to his wife ( they are in the process of divorce ) was on drugs , cheating , ran out of the court house before they even got in front of a judge. She filed for modification some time later and he still has primary custody but she was awarded every other weekend visitation. She does not work lives off a boyfriend. He works full time 3rd shift he is living with a sister who helps him with his daughter while he works in return he helps with bills and house work. She has child abuse allegations against her because the child told her teacher her mom abuses her the teacher had to report it. Cys says case will remain open for a year but they don't see any abuse at this time. The little is a bit hyper active father doesn't want he Ron medication mother does. Mother took her to see a doctor and the doctor said we can't even speak to you because of the custody order. She flipped filing a 3rd modification. In which the judge determined to leave as is for now but they have to come back in 6 months well they want him to get different hour job? How can they even consider giving her custody just because she says she doesn't want someone else watching her child. Punish him for being a provider ?

The court will most always support the custodial parent when it comes to things such as health care and education. The reason for this is to remove these two very important segments of the child's life from being an instrument that the parents can quarrel over that is not in the best interest of the child.

Should the non-custodial parent think that the custodial parent is not providing proper child care or seeing to it that the child is sent to school. Then the non custodial parent can file an emergency request for a hearing on these items in front of a judge. The judge has the right to ask for Child Protective Services (CPS) to investigate and report to the court their findings. It is extremely rare if ever that CPS or the court would request or order a custodial adult to change jobs or work hours.

What the court would do in the case where the custodial parents work hours are seen to be a problem. The court could make a change in custody. This does not mean the other parent would get custody. The child could be come a ward of the court and placed in a foster home, a blood relative such as Aunt, Uncle or grandparent, in this case paternal, would be granted temporary custody.

IF your friend is properly providing for his father the court will not punish him based solely on the word of the mother.


I need help, I was put out my aunt and uncles house at 17. I am now 22. I've always had a problem growing up. I struggled with depression for as long as I could remember. I started to get myself together when I was 21. Had A Job Found A Room at But I Lost My Job And Was Still depressed. I find myself always being depressed and always hating them for giving up on me so I gave up on myself. I been jumping from family member to family member I'm depressed and lost. I'm currently unemployed and ready to just really give up this time.

Having fought the battle with depression myself I understand how you feel and what you are going through. Giving up is not the answer, getting help for your depression will turn your life around. You may need to take medication for a while if so take the medication as directed everyday. The medication will help you feel better and lift the fog of depression so you can work better with the therapist to get at the root cause of your depression.

Once you find the root cause of the depression you can learn to deal with it and what the triggers are. No one is born depressed though it is a problem that is passed from parent to child. With proper support you can turn your life around and live a fulfilling life. The problem with depression is it is vicious circle. Depression cause us pain both physical and mental, the pain causes depression. You need to break the cycle. The medication and talk therapy will break that cycle.

Should you have no place to turn for help then call this Hot Line - 1-800-273-8255. It is the hot line for National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Since depression is the major cause of suicide these people are best prepared to help you. The hot line is available 24/7, it is anonymous and it is a free call. A trained volunteer will take your call and help you find people in your town who can help you.


So, im 22 female. my parents have been together for 30 years. Back when i was 15, I always caught my dad on porn sites or using a webcam.. too young to realize. when i was 18, i realized how much he was always leaving the house at night (my mom works nights) and the nights my mom didnt work he would be home. He would come home those nights acting weird, i knew something was up. I found him in a chat site, and in his search history a lot of searches for escorts, prostitutes, sex sites, etc like craigslist. It bothered me, knowing he was doing something behind my moms back and I knew, and disgusted me he was spending money on it. I tried to let my mom see the evidence by calling her nights he was out late when she was at work saying why isnt he home? Why does he have a webcam. The situation really bothered me knowing that I had this information that would break our family apart.

Anyways, I decided to completely forget about it as i moved to college, and hoped that he would change on his own or my mom would figure it out.

Here I am, almost 23, living at home finishing up my last year of college. When I went to his computer to print something off, I found a phone that isnt his primary phone, it was a prepaid phone. On it was texts to prostitutes named "trantran", and a guy with his full name listed, address, and sexual messages of plans of meeting up, what my dad wanted, what the other person wanted, when and where they would meet, and him saying he was on the way. There was about 3 visits to different people in a week... this obviously is a multiple times a week thing.

So, my dad is hooking up with "trans" and a guy, and i researched this guy based on his name and address he gave, and he is a !!!junior in highschool!!! This is something I cannot and will not forget, nor ignore.

To top it all off, I found this out 2 days ago, and 3 days ago my mom found out she might have breast cancer. So, here I am. Understanding my dad is rather gay, a sex addict, but do know hes cheating religiously on my mom and I am the only one who knows.

I can't tell my brother, him and my dad work together in their own business, and i dont want that stress to be put on my brother.
I told my boyfriend, he's helping as much as he can.

So what if I tell my mom, one, she is about to find out if she has cancer. Two, I feel like this decision, although I know this is not my fault, but this decision to tell her is heartbreaking because I am responsible for all the pain and stress she is about to go through. My whole family will fall apart, my grandparents aunts uncles and family friends will all be so mad etc. My dad will hate me for basically having all this information against him (I know that its his fault, yes, but still, i will have zero relationship after this). Who knows if he will hurt himself, run away, do something horrible.

What if I dont tell my mom. I feel guilty as hell knowing that she is being treated this way, having to lie to her, having so much anger to keep this horrible secret in because of him, but then again only I feel the pain of the situation if I dont tell. And my family goes on as is. Plus, my mom is supporting my family and my dad, as he is in debt from opening his store, yet he is spending money on sex..

What if I say something to my dad, how will he react, does he need help bc hes a sex addict or will he be embarrased bc maybe he is gay? Will he continue his ways, will he laugh in my face, will he hurt himself, will he run away, will he kill himself, will he really try and get help?

This situation is not my fault, but the outcome of this situation at this current moment is riding heavily in my hands.. i make the decision what to do, who to tell, what to say.. And i really just need help. No one, no one wants to find out their dad is this type of person, it RIPS me apart knowing he is cheating, lying, spending money on this, having sex with a high school student, knowing he must be sooo messed up in his head, must have such deep serious problems, be so wrapped up in this that he does it multiple times a week, comes home, lives a double life.

It tears me apart to know my mother, someone so sweet, caring, and giving, doesn't know, she doesn't deserve this, she will be CRUSHED, they have an upcoming vacation together. What if my dad gets caught by the police, what if my dad goes to jail, what if my dad is so emotionally messed up he has no idea what to do and feels alone, what if hes got so many problems he just ends up hurting himself. How do I sort these emotions out in my head, how do i make a decision, how do i deal with all of this..

any advice is helpful.

Your between a rock and a hard place with what you know and your mothers health is at risk even more so today as she is being treated for cancer. The cancer treatments will affect her immune system weakening it so she will not be able to fight off infections as well as if she didn't have cancers.

You do not know what type of sex exactly your father is having and if safe sex practices are being used. This means it is possible for him to pick up and STD or even worse case scenario the HIV/AIDS virus.

By having sex with a 16 year old boy you father is a child molester and this places a whole different view on the subject. Child molestation is a criminal offense.

In all the years your father has lives this double life he has not brought home any diseases so it is possible he does practice safe sex. IF you mother was healthy I would suggest you tell her before he does bring home something or before she found out for herself. She is not healthy and with illnesses such as cancer recovery is 90% attitude and 10% medicine. Meaning a good outlook saying to yourself that I am going to beat this does more for a cure than the medicine.

Because she is not healthy and if all that there was to this I would say not to tell her. But we have this child molestation issue to deal with. The proper way to deal with it is to file a complaint with the police. Which is what you should do. If you cannot bring yourself to turning your father in then you should confront him with the evidence and tell him he if he doesn't stop immediately. If he does not you will turn him in to the police.

Hopefully the threat we cause him to stop though I doubt it. If you do make the threat be ready to bring the charges if he violates the agreement



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