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The object of my column will be to help you help yourself by pointing you in the right direction if I can or by supplying you with WEB resources you can use that will help you find the answers your looking for.

advice

So recently me and my mom were talking, and the subject of me not being honest to her came up. now my mom is very big about lying and hates it and i know that so i dont lie to her very often. she think that im lying to her about something but i have no idea what. i kept asking her what i did wrong and she kept telling me to go to bed ( since it was like 11 o'clock) and talk to her once i tell her the truth but i have no idea what i did wrong. i also feel like shes just trying to get me to confess about a lie. whats a tip so that i can get out of this mess?

Pardon me if I'm MR. Obvious here; it seems to me if you know you have lied to her about something(s). The quickest and easiest way to deal with this problem would be to fess up to what you know you have lied her about. Accept any punishment she gives you for what you may have done and lied about without and argument. Then hug and kiss your mom and tell her you love her.

If mom still thinks you’re not being totally truth full with her then you have a problem if she will not tell you what it is she thinks you lied to her about. You see this is the problem with lying. You tell one lie and peoples trust in you disappears. While I'm sure your mom loves you and always will. While her love is something you may never lose; trust is a different story. Trust is earned even as children you have to earn a parents trust.

That trust comes in stages, such as learning to cross the street by yourself. Walking to a friend’s house, going to the mall and when you are allowed to drive the car. Belief in what you say is another trust that is earned and like the rest of what I said it can be lost and needs to be earned back. It is also the hardest of the trusts to earn back.

If dad is in the picture maybe you can go to him and ask him to intervene. Don't be surprised though if he says this is between you and mom. When it comes to certain issues parents are usually united and trust is generally one of those issue they unite on.

You will have to go back and figure out when it was you lost moms trust. Then try to remember what things you may have lied to her about or what she may think you lied to her about. Fess up to what you know you lied about as I said you should. Then try and discuss those things you may thing she believes you lied about.

There is an old saying; "The truth shall set you free." In your case the truth will help you repair the damage between you and mom.

Good luck.

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Hi everyone I am a 22 year old female and live at home with my parents. I recently got engaged a few months back to a guy my family loves. I am an only child and have always been very close to my family, especially my mom. My fiancé lives 2 hours away and works offshore so we do not see each other often. After long thought and talking with my fiancé I have decided that I am ready to move in with him now. When I told my mom this she completely freaked out saying "you will not move". Every conversation we have had about it since then only leads to us fighting and her being totally against me moving. What do I do?! I love my mom but also want to be happy with my fiancé. How do I not hurt her?

This is a tough question to answer. The reason for this is what is behind your mothers reason for you not moving. Is it because she does not want you living with your fiancé before you marry? Or is it she does not want you moving period, married or not?

Before you can decide how to move forward you have to find or at least attempt to find out the real reason why she does not want you moving. If she just does not want you moving that far away from her then you have a problem that can't simply be fixed by a wedding.

Once you learn the reason the answer to both questions are about the same. How you deliver the answer differs a little. You start by telling mom you love her and you appreciate everything she has done for you. You go on to say that as a mother she had to know that a time would come when you would want to go off and be on your own. Time is now,(here is where the differences are), that you miss your fiancé terrible and want to be close to him to spend as much time with him when he is at home as possible. IF this means moving to his apartment on shore then you have given this much thought and this is what you have decided to do.

Now if moms reason is that she does not you that far away from her. That problem is harder for once you marry you are going to go wherever your married lives take you. This is what marriage is all about. Then you go one and tell her how much you miss your fiancé and how much you want to be close to him.

You finish with the fact that you are 22 now an adult. That even if you were not planning to marry; the time to leave the nest and possibly move far from home would have eventually come. Tell mom that even though you may be moving out and on with your life you are never farther away than her phone or her computer. If mom has a tablet computer install Skype on it and on your tablet or cell phone. Show mom how to use Skype.

Skype is a wonderful program. Not only can you communicate with it but you can see each other while talking. If say mom calls when you don't want to be seen you can ignore the call or answer in chat only. Giving mom a better way of communicating with you will allow her to keep you closer to her while you are where you want to be and need to be. Hopefully this suggestion will make you leaving a little easier on mom.

Your leaving will hurt her. Our son moving a state away hurt us, but we speak to him daily and we see him weekly as he works not far away. So the hurt isn't that bad. He moved so he could have a better life, buy a home and a new car, something the cost of living here wouldn't allow.

Your moving for similar reasons, it is the right thing to do for you regardless of how mom feels or how hurt she may get. She will get over the hurt.

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We are very lucky to have a place to stay tonight but I am not sure where we are going from here. We are homeless & don't have that much money. My parents, brothers & I been staying in the car & we don't have anyone we can stay with. I have been applying for a job like crazy. We live in Texas. What do we do?

There is information missing which would help in answering you. If there are young children then your family is a higher priority for emergency housing than a family of adults.

In order to get emergency housing you need to contact the department of social services for the state you are in. Each County has an office for this department. IF you don't know how or can't find the office of social services go to any police or fire station and ask for help.

actually your parents need to be the one asking for the help as they are the adults. The department of social services will find you shelter, provide you with food or take you to a place where meals are being provided. They will also see to your medical needs if needed.

If you can't find a police or fire station and you have a cell phone call 911 tell them where you are, street address or location and they will come to you.

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how to have sex with my 13years age sister

There are two things wrong with this question.

1. You do not have sex with family members which includes; Mom, Dad, sisters, brothers and first cousins. It is illegal at any age. It is by most religions also considered a mortal sin.

2. Your sister is 13, first see wrong number one then the fact that she is only 13 and should not even be considering having sex at this age.

There is nothing wrong with thinking mom or your sister is pretty or sexy. The wrong comes in when you start to fantasize about having sex with them or start to plan how to have sex with either them.

By your question it would appear you are trying to have sex with your sister. This is very wrong. It is called incest and as I said it is illegal, you can go to jail.

If you have an overriding desire to fulfill this fantasy then please talk to mom or dad and get some help. In our society and most all Western nations, it is not only illegal and considered a mortal sin. It is consider sick to have sex with a family member.

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is xasten caplets good for breastfeeding mother's?

I am not a doctor so it would not be right for me to say yes or no concerning the taking of any drug. This particular drug is part of the Steroid drugs that are out there.

You are aware that anything you take or ingest goes directly to your milk which the baby then absorbs. This being a Steroid I would want to consult a doctor before taking it. I would also assume this being a in the family of Steroid drugs that it is only available by prescription.

If this is so; does the prescribing doctor know you are a breastfeeding mother? If not I would suggest you consult with the doctor and advise that you are a breastfeeding mom before taking this drug or any other drugs including over the counter medications.

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So, I am on vacation for my brother's birthday... My mom brought her computer for us to use, and I had just installed some software and drivers for a project two days ago. Then, earlier today, she restored her computer back a few days. I was going to attempt re-installing it from the recycle bin, which wasn't successful... But, upon this process I overcame a video entitled "Private Show" and, out of curiosity, I played it. And I thought the unexpected 2 hour drive to a monument was the worst part of this vacation... at least until I saw this video. I really don't know what to do... but I probably won't be able to sleep tonight. Please, I need some advice!

I assume this video was not PG rated. Well I guess you now know mom has a sex life. There are worst things you could have seen but seeing mom enjoying herself in a sexual manner is not something a child is meant to see.

Part of this is moms fault for having it on the computer and letting you use the computer knowing you could stumble across it. The title "Private Show" really doesn't say anything to tell you or anyone else not to view it. If mom didn't want it viewed by you or anyone else, and I'm sure she did not want you seeing it. She should have password protected the file or removed it to an out drive.

That does not help with how you feel, it was meant to help with the possible guilt you feel for viewing the file. That title in no way tells someone not to view it. It may have just as well been a down load to a commercial X Rated clip. I'm sure others who came across this clip would have viewed it as well.

What to do about it. First; I see no reason for you to feel guilty about viewing it. Second; you can do nothing and just try to put what you saw out of your mind. I know it will be hard as you have seen you mom in a manner no child should ever see their mom.

Now depending on what type of relationship you have with mom; meaning can you and she talk openly about se and sexual situations; such as can you talk to mom about dates and any sexual situation you might have been involved in. If you can then consider telling her you accidentally came across this file. Not knowing for sure what it was you opened it. You don't have to tell her if you viewed the entire file. What you do what to tell her is that the title does not emphasis the fact that this is not for all eyes and that she may want to remove it or pass word protect it.

This of course is based solely on if you feel your relationship with mom can handle this type of conversation. If not then say nothing and just try to forget what you have seen.
Two questions for you? Does mom let anyone use her computer? If so what are the chances of your brother seeing this file. Take this into consideration when deciding if you need to discuss this with your mom.

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I'm a 14 year old girl and I've been wanting to dye my hair blue. Not all of it, just the ends. The problem is my mother was raised to believe that dying your hair was taboo for some reason and my father would never ever ever let me dye my hair such a ridiculous color and I get the feeling it's because he would get a bad reputation in our town if his child has blue hair. I really want this though. I just moved to a new place and in trying to "reinvent" myself, and I've always wanted to do this so I figured it would be a good place to start. So how can I convince them?

As I see it; the problem you are in is a no win situation. It is you against mom and dad for two different reasons. Mom will not under any circumstances allow you to die your hair and dad if he were willing would not allow "such a ridiculous" color. That is the essence of a no win situation for you are a teenager subject to your parents authority.

Now let me say this; I'm old enough to be your grandfather and while I too don't like the idea or the color I understand why you want to do this. I see nothing wrong in wanting to change your hair color if you were wanting to change your entire hair color. To me that is part of being a teenage girl part of learning about how to be a women.

As I said I understand about changing the color of some of your hair it is something some teenagers do today. I can also understand why dad may be against this and it is really not about his reputation and more about your reputation.

There is nothing wrong with reinventing just try not to be shocking when doing so. Which is as I see it the problem you face. Is it possible you could reinvent yourself with a less shocking color one that might be more acceptable as a fashion statement yet still satisfy your need for reinvention?

I ask this for there are numerous times when raising a child that parents will disagree on something. In most cases they will come to an understanding which also in most cases allows the child to do whatever it is they have asked. The parents may put some restrictions on the child or modify to different decrees but on the whole the child benefits and gains most of what they have asked for.

I believe if you can come up with a color to dye your hair that is more acceptable to your dad and still satisfies you need for reinvention? Then dad may convince mom to let you dye your hair or just flat override her objection. In raising our children I have done that on occasion as has my wife. In this instance you are first going to have to get dad on your side and I believe a less shocking color will do that.

Once you have changed the color then you can discuss more shocking colors. A good reason would be say for Halloween; a nice bright orange. They are now use to you hair style and might not object to a brighter color for this reason. Once you change the color again they may not be in a hurry to have you change it again.

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So I'm a 13 year old girl and my bedroom doesn't have a door..... I feel like I have a lack of privacy. All that covers the entrance to my room is a thin see through curtain. I already share the room with my sister, so that's already one person who has the right to barge in, but my brothers and parents do it too! I'll be getting dressed or something and then they'll just shove right through the curtains. It's incredibly annoying. How do I ask for a door with a lock or at least a curtain that's not see through? I'm always afraid to ask for things because we just moved to this house (and I know that houses cost a lot. and I have so many siblings (which leads to more expenses) and I'm afraid that I'm being too expensive. I Harley ask for anything though besides notebooks to draw in (I don't even have a cell phone because I'm afraid to give my parents anymore bills). So how do ask? And since I ask for do little, do you think they'll say yes? (Oh and just a quick bit of extra info: I'm usually that "forgotten" child whose desires fall through the cracks, so I'll need a really good way of asking) Thanks!!!!

You must be the middle child. You are not the forgotten child you are just the child that does not beg for attention as much as you’re older and younger siblings do. There is an old saying; "that it is the Squeaky well that gets the grease." Your problem is you don't squeak.

As to your question: This is a question you need to take up with mom. I wouldn't ask for a door with a lock on it since you share your room with your sister as there is the possibility of locking her out of her own room. Not that you would do it purposely but it could happen. You just ask for a door that could be closed so you can have some privacy to do what teenage girls do. If I remember correctly from my sister is spending time trying on different outfits, experimenting with hair styles and makeup. Having girl talks with her friends all of which beg for more privacy then the curtain provides.

You tell mom that you feel you have to get dressed in the bathroom so you can so without your brothers barging in and catching you in some state of undress and it is embarrassing. That there are times when you would like to go to your room just for some quiet time maybe to do homework, reflect or write in your diary.

Since you seem to feel you are the forgotten child I would suggest you ask mom for some mommy and you time. A trip to the mall one day for a hamburger or a slice of pizza is a good inexpensive way of some mommy and you time. If she agrees this is when you make your request for a door.

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Hello advicenators, I just need a few advice to share with my brother. He is 29 and has been under a lot of pressure lately. My whole family wants him to find a girl and get married. I personally believe that they shouldn't be forcing him to. Now there are two girls that he has been talking to and my family wants him to choose one of those girls but they want one of the girl most than the other one. Let's just call them girl a and girl b. Girl a is very shy and antisocial and doesn't really talk to our family members that much or try to get to know us better and my parents don't like that about her. My brother is deeply in love with her but my family want him to choose girl b because of how social she is and how she wants to know everyone in the family. My brother doesn't love girl b as much as he loves girl a. Personally I believe he should choose girl a who he's madly in love with despite of how shy and antisocial she is. I just need some advice that I can share with him so he could really think about what's best for him and not our family. After all we are not the ones who will marry the girl, he is and he needs to be happy.

I believe you know the answer to this question though if you want additional support I will be glad to supply it. Let me start by saying that arranged marriages are rarely happy marriages. What your parent are trying to do by pushing your brother towards one girl and away from the other is close to an arranged marriage. He will not be happy and the girl will not be happy, at least not for the long haul of a marriage.

Girl "A" on the other hand who he loves is the better choice for any number of reasons but mainly because your brother is deeply in love with her. Her shyness should not be taken as antisocial. She is probably aware that she is not your parents’ first choice for a daughter in-law. This adds to her inability to open up to your parents and be the girl your brother knows and loves. I would go as far as to say if your parents were to see her in a different social setting with friends of hers and your brothers. Your parents would see an entirely different girl.

Question for you to put to your parents: Why should she open up to them and further endanger the relationship she has with your brother by talking to them about herself? As I see it talking to your parents is not a win/win situation for her so she stays quiet. This is not being antisocial this is protecting herself from being hurt.

My son is a little older then you brother and single. He has brought home a number of different women he has dated and I have said nothing to him about the ones I didn't care for. Surprisingly he has seen the same flaws in them after dating them for a while. Now one of his problems is that he is a great date but the one or two women he would have loved to have a long term relationship with were very fearful of doing so because of his job. He is a firefighter and they could not live with the question of would he be coming home in the morning. Now that is my sons’ problem and he will find a woman strong enough to deal with it.

Your brothers’ problem is your parents. They are not going to live with him and his wife. He is the one that needs to be happy. What you or he needs to do is to tell your parents that in this particular case it is not them that need to be pleased. In this instance where his life happiness is concerned they have no really say in the matter and should back off.

I believe that once they back off and welcome girl "A" into the family she will be less shy around them and less guarded about herself. Once that happiness they will see the same girl your brother sees.

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Okay, so I'm male, 5'7, 105-110 lbs, 14 years old, and my grandma just will not stop talking about it. This morning I was getting food and she started making more food and saying I had to eat it all, and I said I wasn't that hungry. She got mad and said I had to eat it because she knew I never ate anything and she threatened to call some fake organization she made up and tell them I'm not eating.

I finally did snap and get really mad. I pounded my fist on the table and yelled, "I DO eat!" She sat there and watched me eat, and when I left she accused me of going to throw it up. WTF? I'm not bulimic.

Now she's ignoring me and saying that she's just the warden. I said "I love you." to her and she just laughed. What do I do? :(

If by chance your grandmother is looking at the same height and weight chart I am. Then according to this national chart depending on your Skeletal frame size you are anywhere from 20 to 40 pounds underweight.

That chart is based on a National average. Meaning that is the average between the lowest and highest within each frame size. The person whose advice or opinion really counts is your doctor. What does your doctor say about your weight? When was the last time you had a complete physical?

If it has been more than a year or if you have not had a physical since your period started it is a good idea to have one. Physicals are generally painless even the female part of the exam. The blood draw is about the most painful part and that last only a second or two.

During the physical ask your doctor how she or he feels about your weight. If your doctor is not concerned ask the doctor to talk to grandma. I would hope grandma would listen to the doctor, after all the doctor went to medical school and should know about these things.

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I'm a 13 year old girl. A few minutes ago I was up in my room when I heard yelling downstairs. I couldn't make out much but I heard my mom yell "It never happened." And then my dad: "yes it did!" And my mom: "No it didn't!" And my dad: "What did he say?!" Then I heard a door slam so I peeked down the stairs. My dad was sitting on the couch so I assume that the door slam was my mother storming to her room. My parents don't argue often so I'm a little concerned. Do you think that it's just a normal little fight? Can you infer what it was about by what they were yelling? From their dialogue my mind of course went straight to "mom is cheating on dad". But that's pretty unlikely. What do you think it was about? I'm really worried.

Parents are allowed to argue it’s normal. Remember parents were once strangers who fell in love and it is normal to sometimes have disagreements. Some parents yell and scream when they argue; others don't talk to each other when they have a disagreement. It doesn't mean they are going to get divorced.

You heard bits and pieces of a conversation which was part of an argument. What you heard was totally out of context of the conversation. For all you know dad may have been upset because mom drove the car over a curb and mom yelled back, "It never happened."

Unfortunately it is easy for any child to jump to the conclusion that one or the other parent has been caught cheating when their parents argue. It is an unfortunate fact of life today. Try not to jump to this conclusion for when you do so without any evidence you are going to be wrong

Parents like siblings are going to have the occasional argument. It is nothing for you or any child to worry about or get in the middle of. Your parents do love each other and they will work through whatever caused the argument together. Then things will return to normal.

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M/15

If the fallowing offends you I dont care.

About a year ago I came out to my parents that I was an Atheist. Well they are young earth creationists(which means they take everything in the bible literaly.) so they did not take to kindly to it. They made fun of me for not beliveing in there god and the fact that they are so positive that I'll regret it when I find out I'll be wrong. Well I shook it off I'm very strong with my belifs and at another time after I let things cool down I asked them if it was necisary that I go to church. The gave me no other reasoning other than yes because thats what our family dose. So ive put up with it for along time and I don't think I can any more. All I do at their church is sit there and stare off into space. Its truly a waste of time for me. I know the religion is not for me ive read the whole bible 4 times. More than most believers and I cannot stand for what they belive in. Dose any one know any reason
that my parents would be like this and only give me such a bland reason for making me go?

I have to agree with Razhie in that if you are a minor you do not have many choices when it comes to what you can and cannot do. If your parents want you to go to church with them then you go to church with them. When you turn 18 it is a different story then you can say no. Forcing you to go to church with them is not being abusive so you cannot legally get out of going.

My wife and I are agnostics, meaning we believe there is a god we just do not believe in organized religions. My wife's mother on the other hand was a very religious, church going women as were other close members of her family. This could have been a problem for us if we wanted it to be. We allowed them to take our sun to church with them just as we allowed my parents to. When asked to accompany them on special occasions, we didn't fight them we went. These occasions were Christmas and Easter and with my wife being Polish I enjoyed the pageantry of the Mass so it wasn't an entirely waste 90 minutes.

Frankly a couple of hours a year out of our lives, out of your life is not all that much time to give them. They know you don't believe and I'm sure they know that forcing you to go to church is not going to cause you to change your mind, but the have hope that it will.

Is one hour out of your week that harmful to you to bring some hope, as unfounded as it may be, to your parents in return for what they do and have done for you. I don't think so. If they go to an early Mass and you would prefer a later one so you can sleep in on Sunday ask them if that's possible. If your asking they may be more than willing to meet you halfway.

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My entire life everything was the media's fault. TV is “dumbing down" our children, horror/slasher movies and video games cause violent behaviors, slutty celebrities influence children. This isn't true. That's your own fault for not making them get off it, and I watch TV, but my grades are perfectly fine. Also, what annoys me is They got rid of cookie monster, because parents blame child obesity on it. Here's a fucking idea, stop buying your kids so much crap, and they won't be fat. I play violent killing games and despite what my mom thinks will happen, I don't go and trash offices, torture people, and stick knifes through peoples back. I listen to Miley Cyrus, but I don't take sex videos, or ride naked on wrecking balls. Songs don't influence me to “bight that" or “patron shots can I get a refil" so why to people do this?

I don't know how old you are but you have earned a gold star for what you have written. The problem is not the media per say it is parents not parenting. Parent and teachers are not teaching children today to be independent thinkers to judge things for what they are. Instead, like your cookie monster observation they tend to hide things from their children instead of teaching them about what they are seeing or hearing and why it may be good or bad.

Also in the last several decades the television has become the family baby sitter. Parents park the children in front of the TV for way too many hours not monitoring what they watch. I'm not saying there are show they shouldn't watch but they should be of a proper age to watch them so they can understand them. Parents need to impress upon them is entertainment and not real and what is reality. This is where the problem is and this why people are blaming the media.

You are correct it is the parent's not the media who are at fault. Parent must become more active in teaching their children and not leaving it up to the media or the school systems to teach social skills and reality from entertainment.

Stay focused and you will do well in life.

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hey, am just a girl and am confused, i hate my family for some reasons, which is in my family they are so protective, am from a big family like i live with my dad, my mom passed away 6 years ago but really i can say i live in two house one where my dad is there, and the next one is where my grandma, aunt live. and i have a sister which is in college who everybody loves, don't get me wrong i love her too ,but the problem is when she come everyone acts like i don't exist anymore especially my aunt she always makes me feel bad about my self when she comes she forgets me. am uncomfertable around her, she ignores me even when i say hi like am the adapted child or something,i hate her for that, oh... she see her like a dimond, care for her but when it comes to me she is just like do that, and do this she doesn't even care if am sick, am so tired of this, its so stupid am a highschool senior and i don't think that i deserve this and the other thing is i don' t have confidence with my self with my looks evenso everybody says am beautiful beacuse everybody sees me as little for the reason that i am thin, and have a baby face, i don't have great hair or my hand is rough everything about me i hate. and she have everything that i don't have and my aunt always tell her she is beautiful but she never tell me that i am, so thats not hard to guess how i feel anyway i don't know how to feel anymore so please help!!!

You have presented me with the one question for which we have no answers. To answer this question we need to know more about you and your family then this medium allows.

What I can see from your question is you have self-esteem problems. The problems with your sister could be a case of sibling rivalry, this I cannot say for I do not know either of you. The other things you write about are a perception you have. Though just because you perceive then this way does not make them any less real. If we perceive it then it is real at least to the person perceiving it.

The last line of your question gives me the clue I need as to how to help you the best way I know how,"i don't know how to feel anymore so please help.

The type of help you need is not the type of help we can supply but I do know who you can call and talk to who can supply this type of help. I would like you to call 1-800-668-6868. This is the kids help line were trained counselors re available to talk to you. The call is free, it is anonymous & Confidential and available 24/7. Talking to them one on one for as long as needed is a better way to work through the problems you have presented her.

Please give them a call I know they can be of help to you.

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My sister and her boyfriend lost their 3th apartment b/c of poor money management skills. She has the money to pay the bills but doesn't. She and her boyfriend are big spenders. She likes to buy random things while he uses her money for video games and huge flat screen TVs. My sister works full time while her boyfriend is a stay at home dad. My sister has two kids. One from a previous relationship and the youngest one is his.
Her boyfriend's family took them in at first but they got kicked out. From his dad's house and from his older sister's house. My sister said it's b/c they were charging her rent and for babysitting and constantly yelling at her boyfriend to get a job. She said he can't get a job b/c his driver license is suspended and no one can watch the kids.
One day, I went to a dentist and came back home with my mom, suddenly they are at our house with their stuff. She said they are going to stay with us for free for a few months to save money and find their own place.
Since they have moved in without notice, I notice a few things:
The boyfriend doesn't watch the kids, although she claims he does. They make my older niece, 8, take care of her sister, 2. When the 2 year old cries they ignore it. If she doesn't stop they make the 8 year old hold her. The 8 yr. old admits to me that she dislikes her sister and wants to get away from her.
After my sister goes to work, he keeps finding excuse to leave the house to go somewhere in her car, she leaves him her car and carpools to work with my mom, and don't come back for hours. We live a few blocks from a police station and he's driving without a license. He's going to get arrested again. I have been babysitting the kids since they got there. When he comes back he plays video games all day. He doesn't even stop to feed the kids lunch or dinner. I make it for them.
We have a hallway bathroom but he uses the one in my bedroom. It's making my mom feel uncomfortable. He's walking in and out of my bedroom without asking or like it even matters. She watches the news a lot and is paranoid that he's going to hurt me or worse. She wants me to lock my door at all the times now.
I am starting college part time next month and going to work full time. I'm worried about what's going to happen to the kids when I'm not there. Like who is going to feed them and watch them? I told my sister about her boyfriend being irresponsible and my concern over the kids but she always makes excuse for him and brushes it off. I know it's their business and I don't want to get involve. I'm only worried about the kids.

GiddyGeezer is correct; child protective services (CPS) is going to have to be called. You do not have to wait for you mother to call, you can call and you should. First and foremost are the proper care of those children. Like all children they did not ask to be brought into this world. Your sister and her boyfriend(s) brought them into this world. They are responsible for them and they should be their first priority. Not out buying random things and video games or having others be responsible for them. Is your sister getting child support for the first child for its father? If not make sure to tell CPS as the father is required in almost every state to pay child support.

As for her boyfriend driving. His license was suspended for good reason I'm sure, he should not be on the road. If he were to be in an accident and it is found that your sister voluntarily left her car for him to use; she would be wholly responsible for all cost involved as the insurance company would not pay. I suggest you advise the local police station and let them arrest him for driving without a license. Let it be a lesson to him and a wake up call to his responsibilities to himself and others.

As to your sisters money management skills. Some people just cannot manage money. Money literally burns a hole in their pocket. You could offer to manage her finances for her. She would need to have her paycheck directly deposited into a checking account you and only you control or bring her check to you un-cashed each payday. You would give her a weekly cash allowance. She could not have any credit cards or even the Debit Card that comes with the checking account.

You would pay all her bills and her rent. Part of her allowance would be for groceries. You could speak with the children's doctors where if she needs to have them see the doctor you could arrange for the doctor to directly debit the account for any co-pay.

Once you explain the reason I believe the doctors office or billing office would make this arrangement with you. You could do the same with her doctors. This would not be new to some doctors as there are patients whose finances are handled by conservators. For the pharmacy copay they would probably have to call you to get the Debit card number unless you were willing to allow them to keep it on file.

This looks like a huge burden on you. It is and it isn't. Once you know what her bills are the monthly revolving bills can be paid on line from the bank's online bill payment system. You set up each payee with how much and when you want the bill paid and the bank either sends a check or makes a wire transfer. For the other bills you can still use the bank to make payment but you will have to set them up individually and enter the amounts each time you have a bill from one of them. This is how I pay most of my bills.

I have my checking account linked to my savings account just incase I make a mistake and do not put enough funds in the checking account to cover outgoing payments or my use of the debit card. In this way I never overdraw the account.

Since starting this decades ago I rarely write a check and the post office is not getting rich over the half dozen items I mail a year.

This is the type of help you offer your sister. You do not offer free rent as this is an enabling benefit she does not need. I would also suggest that she take parenting classes, something I believe CPS is going to insist upon.

As the saying goes advice is easy to give. Getting someone to follow advice is something like getting a horse to the water, you may not be able to get it to drink. Still you must try and in this case if only for the benefit of the children.

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I have two children. My husband walked out on us a year ago. He does not paid child support I did file. I work a full time job. Making okay money. My oldest has some disabilities. I have a boyfriend that I am not in love with. I was blessed to be able to live with family for a while. It was very crowded and pretty stressful for everyone involved. I moved out into a house close to my dad's. He takes me to work because I still haven't been able to afford a car. My kids have their own rooms now. We are walking distance from the school. I am absolutely miserable living with my boyfriend. I feel my attitude ttowards him comes off as hateful even though I don't mean to be. I don't like when he puts his arm around me and normally I love that He works he's very sarcastic I'm not judge mental on looks but I feel there has to be some kind of connection and it's just not there at all. We've talked about it I don't think I could afford to live here on my own and if I did it would be a very tight on bills. I'm just unsure of what I should do

IF you filed for child support and your ex husband is not paying then you need to take him back to court. You ask the court to order him to pay child support and to pay whatever he owes in back support. You also ask that the court attach his paychecks and the funds being sent to the court to distribute to you. If he fails to notify the court of changes in employment so the attachment follows he can go to jail.

Most every state has strict laws governing child support and there are federal laws as well. Contact your divorce attorney and have him bring your ex back to court to be forced to pay child support since voluntary child support does not seem to be working.

It is my belief that once the child support starts coming in on a regular bases the other problem you speak of will either be seen in a different light as a major stress has been removed or you will be able to deal with them better.

Right now you see your boyfriend as a necessary evil to deal with as you cannot live in any degree of comfort without him. Once the child support and the arrears are coming in the stress of that situation will change and so may your perception.

My advice is to call your lawyer first thing in the morning.

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I am engaged to the most wonderful woman I could ever be blessed with. We are planning to get married in December. Now the problem is her mom. She's the youngest of three and she lives with her mom to help take care of her. Her mom is pretty stubborn and she needs to have canned Pepsi, cigarettes, and weed. My fiance pays for all of that despite the fact that she works part time for minimum wage. Her mom doesn't take that into consideration and will go thru her stuff so fast. Leaving my fiance with no money. I'm scared we won't be able to get our own place at this rate. Her mom will already make her feel guilty for moving out. I try to tell her to put her foot down so we can save money but she says there's no point. She's stressed and struggling and I hate seeing her this way. Especially since its her mom. I feel like it's putting a strain on our relationship. What should I do to save our love?

For right now I would suggest that you shelve any discussion about what to do with the mother of your bride to be until after the wedding. Your Bride to be is under enough stress just planning her own wedding, she doesn't need any additional stress. Just tell her this is something that will have to be addressed after the wedding by the two of you and her two siblings.

As I see it her two siblings are being grossly unfair in not sharing the financial responsibilities for their mother. What you can and should do today, unless you live in a state that has recently decimalized weed, is you tell your future mother in-law that your bride is no longer going to pay for her weed or provide it to her. She will have to meet with the dealers and pay for it herself starting today. That is something I think you and your bride can agree upon if she is doing the supplying. You can't get married if she is caught buying moms weed and sent to jail.

After the wedding you sit down with the two sibling for a talk. What I would tell them is that their free ride is over. If they have not been sharing in the financial burden then its their turn to take on the responsibility while you and your wife get you life together settled and on a firm financial footing. They have had that opportunity and now it is her turn.

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So I'm a 14 year old girl and my family and I moved from Pennsylvania to New Jersey 4 months ago. At first the transition was difficult, changing schools at end of the school year and all of that (it's summer break now) but I'm a friendly person and I make friends quite easily. So for the first moth we were here I was cutting my arms and crying at night, just straight up depressed, and then I was ok after I got control and started getting use to this place. But now I'll I want to go back to Pennsylvania. My stage of being alright was temporary. I want to start cutting again but I'm trying not to, I cry every night and I'm getting into depression. I don't know why this is coming back again and I know that I'll never be happy here in New Jersey. I don't complain though because I don't want to hurt my parents. My friends here are great and all but I just want my old ones back. My family and I move around a lot but we ended up staying in the last place for a long time, that's why I'm so broken up. My dad was making a joke out of moving to New Jersey the other day. Here's how it went:
Dad: so do you like it here yet?
Me: no
Dad: will you ever?
Me: no
Dad:well we'll move again like always. Tell me when you have sine good friends and we'll move. (Whole family laughs, but I have to hold back tears for the rest if the car ride).

I don't think he meant to make the joke sound mean, he doesn't realize how hard this is for me because like I says, I try not to complain too much. So how do I cope with all these feelings and what can I do? (And it's not like we can move back to Pennsylvania, my dad's company wants him to run a store in New Jersey).

I don't think your dad was trying to be mean with the joke he told. I think he was trying to make you laugh and it came out all wrong. It is unfortunate but some dads jobs have them moving to where the work is or the alternative is the family stays in one spot and dad lives away from home for long periods of time.

Every family handles this type of work differently as does the requirements of the employers. Your parents and or dads employer have made the decision or made a requirement that the family will move when dad needs to be moved. The belief is children are more resilient and can deal with the changes easily.

Some children deal with these moves easier than others. Older children, teenager, have more trouble with moves than younger children because this is the age they start socializing in an this is when they form their social circles in school. Once these circles are formed it is hard for an outsider to break into them.

So far I've told you what you already know. Cutting is not going to make things any better. In fact parents are aware of how hard moving is on older children though they have to do what has to be done in order to provide for the family. I know somewhat of a contradiction here but keep reading.

Cutting is dangerous; you could cut in the wrong place or to deep and end up in the hospital or worse. Mom and dad will find out you are cutting eventually that I can promise you as an adult and a parent. You cut because you are hurting and depressed and you do not have to be either.

You can get help for your depression and mom and dad will learn how hurt you are by this latest move. I can't promise you they won't be angry they will be but mostly because they will be scared and they will be angry at themselves for not seeing this. Unfortunately you will be in the line of fire of the anger at first. They will calm down and they will do what needs to be done to help you. I doubt you can move back though maybe visits can be arranged. When next dads asked to move and you are even older he might ask to hold off on this move as it is too upsetting on his children to move at this time.

BY not being honest with your parents and getting yourself depressed to the point of cutting, you are hurting yourself and them. Sure from dads joke he knows you don't like to move but I don't feel he knows how deeply these moves may be hurting you.

My advice is to tell your parents about the cutting. They know cutting is a sign of depression. They will get you help for that. Be honest with them and tell them how deeply these moves hurt. What they may see is a happy young girl that doesn't like to move but makes friends easily. You need to tell them how you're really feel.

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He went to take a picture of a total stranger...who objected. I advised. perhaps he needed to see if they objected first then proceed. He took the picture and responded to her ."I guess this will be between us...instead of apologizing. When I tried to suggest what might have happened or how to prevent this in the future...he ended up calling me a f...ing b.....not once but several times...He then believed the tires on the vehicle were going to be slashed so he ran to the vehicle. This dove tails into my repeated requests...not to be hit with a drumstick or be called a whore which he laughs He has had no job in years...contributes what he wants... He went off on my daughter last weekend...with a similar attack. I am tired of the disrespect, rudeness and abuse... Yes, I am well educated, a professional with a license...and one doesn't need a medical license to make this diagnosis.

Did I miss an original post. Is this an explanation of an or the original post. In either case I do agree with everything Razhie has written.

I will add that there is really not enough information in this post to label this person as being bipolar or a narcissist. I will say that it appears he is an abusive ass. I cannot understand why you would stay with someone like him. No one should put up with being disrespected, rude to or abused, well educated or not.

My advice is to show this person where the door is and tell him not to let it him in the ass on the way out.

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So my mom has a boyfriend that she's had for 13 years now. He has a son that i do not think of as a brother.i have had a crush on him for many years now. His son in a few years older then me, but I'm also over 18. I would like to tell him that i have had a crush on him n think sexual thoughts about him at night. We don't see each other very often but I'm dying to know if he feels that kinda way about me. Im not sure about it because some signals he sends seems like he's flirting but I'm not positive. I don't know how to ask him or tell him. Please help me somebody.

If your mom and his dad are not married then he is not your step brother in the legal sense of the term. Even if they were there is no blood relation so any thoughts of incest are not founded which could be the reason you and he may be having trouble getting together. No blood relation, no incest.

You’re both over 18 so you can do whatever you like regardless of your parents situation. How would you co about approaching any other boy you might like to get to know better? If you have ever approached another boy to get to know him then I suggest you do so in the same manner with this guy? Do not treat him as a step brother; do not look at him as a step brother. Treat him as if he is any other guy.

In fact this is your opening. Start with; "you know _ _ _ _ we really are not step anything just two people whose parents know are in a great relationship." "Because of their relationship you and I know each other quite well and I don't know how you feel about me but I would really like to see if we have anything more than the relationship we have that comes from our parents’ relationship." Use your own words but pretty mush straight and two the point. If you know each other as well as well as I think you may then you should be able to have this type of conversation.

He may be thinking like you that you’re his step sister. Many people think that any relationship that might lead to a sexual relationship or even marriage between step children is incest. They are wrong and you may have to point this out to him. In fact it is my understanding that incest only can occur between siblings, parents, Aunts, Uncles and first cousins.

My advice is to talk to him and be as straight forward as you are comfortable being with him. He may feel the same way about you and like you just unsure how to approach you either.

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