Member Since:June 18, 2009
Last Update:June 30, 2015
General Sex Questions
Hi. For summer 2015 I really really want to do a 1 week full day session of gymnastics. I'm tired of not being active. My parents would love for me to do it, but the problem is cost. I'm only 12… it's $375. I have $0. Any advice? I come from a really poor family…
Call your local Police Department to see if they are offering a PALS Camp and if you might qualify to attend one week. PALS Camp offer a variety of activities which may include gymnastics. You should also contact your local your local Parks a Recreation Department to see what summer activities they are offering. Your school system may also be offering summer activities which may very well include gymnastics.
All of the above activities are either at no cost or very little cost. Space is usually limited so the sooner you call the better your chances of gaining a space is.
I am 23 years old and have had a very rocky relationship with my mother. Just some background info - she was raised as a Mormon but broke away from it and never pressed religion on me. I kind of wish she did because I do not practice any religion, simply just don't believe. That's beside the point. Anyways, she had me young. Around 18. Her and my dad were addicted to drugs for a while but she snapped herself out of it after getting a letter in the mail that I had been late to kindergarten 91 times in a row. After that, she was amazing. She has always been there when I needed her. When I turned 16, I became one HELL of a teenager. I never did drugs, got pregnant, or dropped out of school like some teens do but the thing is, I used my words to hurt my mother as bad as I possibly could. I screamed at her, called her horrible names, told her that she was a piece of **** mom, that she will never be anything more than an addict, and I just cut her down as a mom completely. She would cry in front of my face and I never even felt a sting of remorse until the next day when I calm down. Then I would apologize, and 2 days later itd go right back to where it was. Now, I'm 23. I live on my own, have a successful career, and a COMPLETELY different mind set. My mom is my best friend and I couldn't fathom saying the things I said to her. She has forgiven me and we have moved on, the topic hardly comes up. But I think about it ALL the time. I know I can't change the past but I am so sorry, I just can't seem to forgive myself. I beat myself up over it still to this day. How can I cope with this feeling and get past it completely?
Stop beating yourself up what happened in your teenage years is all normal, especially for females. It is hormonal the result of the hormones released during puberty. Most parents understand this as they went through this themselves at your age. It doesn't mean the words were any less hurtful but understanding does take the sting out of them.
By all other accounts of what you have written you were a good daughter. You did well in school and managed to stay out of trouble and build a successful career. You and your mom are now best friend and put the past where it belongs. I assume this means apologies have been made and accepted.
There is nothing more to be done than to continue to be good friends with your mother. Enjoy the time you spend together and someday, if it is in your plan, honor her with grandchildren.
Why doesn't my mom get why I don't want to go baby clothes shopping with her when she said the reason why she's having another kid so late (I am 19) is cause myself and my siblings are "cursed". Yes, my situation really is that fucked. I'm going to community college for 2 years, so I'm still at home, but I'm trying to become more busy so my mom doesn't get the idea I'm going to put my life on hold because she suddenly decided to have a baby so late in the game. It pisses me off cause she thinks something is supernaturally wrong with her existing children that this new baby will solve all her problems. Our family is already really busy now, and it just makes all she said a joke about us being financially hard up. A pet is too expensive but not another child? She just doesn't like animals. I also don't think I'll be able to bond as a sibling with someone young enough to be my own child. I told this to her and she dismissed it, when idk anyone in our family our community with such large age gaps, unless the wife remarried later on and wanted a kid with their new spouse, which is the only acceptable reason to me, other than adoption. She also thought it was weird I asked about whether she conceived naturally or got a donor egg or whatever, cause she's in her mid to late 40s. I found bookmarks on her computer to fertility places, and questionnaires to potential egg donors. I also know she has been getting shots. But she lied to me that it was all natural when I think she has been trying for the past 2 years, at least. I initially suspected when I noticed she was taking prenatals, years ago. Why wouldn't a parent consider how their 3 other children, mostly adults, would feel about another, intentional addition? I just think the way she's going about it is insensitive and personally I don't want kids til my 30s, when I am hopefully In a decent financial position, and the kids can be close in age. I even only want 2, unless I win the lottery or something. Why are my parents so obtuse about this? They believe in witchcraft and what not and my mom is about to give birth and has hardly told anyone about her pregnancy, barely anyone even in her family, cause she thinks it will protect the kid from spiritual attack. It's like.. She would rather ask a psychic how her kid is doing than evaluate herself, and see how she could do things differently. My life is increasingly becoming chaotic and I iust feel my parents have checked out and barely even support what I want to do. I'd even label them almost toxic influences on me, from certain things I've been subjected to, falling under abuse but seen as "treatment" to them. I don't have close friends to confide such details with so I appreciate your point of view on this complex matter. I envy people who's parents didn't frown on their kids for not entering the medical field, and supported them through their journeys, even through the bumps in the road. I can't say that with my own parents, unfortunately. I mean yes, financially they help me, I still live under their roof, but mentally and emotionally we are just completely on different pages.
As much as you may dislike the idea of a sibling being added to the family at this point in your life. Your parents are under no obligation to get permission from you or your other siblings to have another child . This is something you and are going to have to learn to live with.
I do understand how you feel to suddenly wake up one morning and be told you are about to be a sister to another sibling who very well could be your child. Is very disturbing and could be embarrassing as well. You do not have to bond with this child though I suspect you will once it is born and you have the opportunity to hold it.
Still the decision to have a child is your parents not yours. You are an adult now responsible for your own well being. As the youngest of the present siblings and living at home I suspect your parents may look to you for help in caring for the new siblings.
I would suggest you tell them now not to count on you being available to care for this child; to be available to baby sit while they work. You have your own life which includes school, possibly work and study which all have to come before baby sitting or other assistance with the new sibling.
What I have just written may sound harsh but must be spoken. Your parents may expect that since, for the next 2 years you will be living at home they can count on you for help. They may expect this in return for your living at home and financial help they give you. You have to tell them you will help when available but you have to put yourself first if you have any chance of success in the future as your older siblings have had.
It really boils down to this. There are those people who have plans that fail and people who fail to plan. Which means it is okay to plan and have that plan fail as long as you correct what fails and continue. It is not okay to fail to plan.
At 19 you need to make a life plan and follow it. If along the way a part of the plan fails, then you correct what has failed and continue. This is what you need to explain to your parents and that a new sibling at this point in your life does not fir into your plan. You will do what you can when you can but you will not destroy your plan and fail because they made a life changing change to their plan.
I am a 14 year old girl and I really want to wear diapers and use them. Like pee them. I know I am weird but I can't help it! Should I start wetting the bed on purpose? What happens when they take me to the doctor? Even if I only wear them to bed that's fine. I don't really NEED to wear them 24/7.
I can go to the store by myself but my dad won't allow me to because of the crime rate here.
Please help me out.
I am from South Africa.
Some people get a sexual pleasure from wearing diapers though the pleasure comes from having someone change and pamper them. I do not think this is this issue with you. Wanting to wear diapers is a bit strange for a 14 year old girl and without a reasonable explanation.
Wetting the bed on purpose won't cause your parents to buy you diapers. In fact as a parent I would say it would probably have the opposite effect. They would probably have you continue to sleep on that bed and to clean the sheets each day.
As to what would happen when you see the doctor? Most likely the doctor would ask you why you are wearing diapers or want to wear diapers. If you do not have a medical reason to wear them he or she might suggest to your parents they have you see a psychiatrist or psychologist to find out the reason behind you desire.
My mom woulnt let me have a boyfriend...what should i do because im 12 but my friends are not dateing but i really want to!!
"I'm afraid I have to side with mom on this; that at 12 you are too young to date. You have a few more years to socialize and mature before actual dating can start.
I have a question for you. It seems the young people your age have a different definition of dating then people your parents age and I do. My question is by the dictionary definition of dating are your friends actually dating?
If I use the dictionary definition of dating I believe what your friends are doing is what your parents and I called going steady. We weren't actually dating but we walked the halls in school together. When a group of us went to the mall or the movies we held hands and maybe hugged and kissed in the dark at the movies though by definition we were not dating. Young people today are in such a great hurry to grow up that they have redefined many things. I believe dating is one of them. You are about to enter your teenage years which come only once in a lifetime. This is the time when as parents we expect you to grow and explore your way to becoming an adult. Do not rush through this period in your life as you miss too much of what you will need later in life. This is when you learn the social graces or refine the social graces your parents have taught you. You learn more of what society expects from you.
There is an old Indian saying; "It takes an entire village to raise a child." This is a true statement and is very much in play in today’s society. It is during your teenage years when parents allow their children to spread their wings and grow that the village (your town or city) really steps in to help raise you.
Slow down this is not the time to jump from 12 to 16 or 18 you will miss too much.
So my parents have a big relationship issue. they are constanly fighting over the stupidest things (such as how much laundry detergent needs to go in the washer) and it ends up turning into screaming matches. I can tell my mom hates my dad. She's always rolling her eyes at him, making rude comments about his weight, and she never tells him any of her plans. Also, when I was about 5 or 6 (I'm 15 now) they stopped sleeping in the same bed. My mom said it was "because he snores" but he sleeps on the air mattress across the hall from their bedroom. Before my sisters wedding, my mom said "I regret getting married and not waiting until I knew your father better". They seem like they should be getting a divorce except my mom is highly against getting a divorce. I don't know if I should tell them how their relationship make me feel, and how it effects my life, or if I should try to convince them to get couples therapy. I'm just afraid that they will think it's not my business and not listen.
I think you should stay out of your parents marriage. It has been 10 years and has become their normal. It is not your place to play marriage counselor to your parents. As long as they are loving parents to you and not supplying you with all the things a parent is required to give to their children their marriage problems are not your concern.
I understand that their marriage and relationship will or does have its affect on you. Your parents marriage is not the stereotypical marriage one expects to see and once a child would be best to be brought up in. It is better than a one parent home as both your father and mother are in your home to nurture you. If this is true then while their living arrangement is abnormal you are not suffering all that much and in a much better place than children of a one parent home.
So my father is possibly about to be released from prison after 15 years. He was charged with first degree sexual assault and breaking/entering. He was or is suspected of the same against two others. He's never been violent to me (or it was only when I was too young to recall). However he has with my mom, her children, and his first wife knows (or knew, ill address that in a bit)) he was/is a violent person.
First some background: I'm the bastard child of my parents who were married with their first spouces when I was conceived. My dad is a bit of a player, he went to his home state then back to his first wifes house. Somewhere he hooked up with another lady and they did drugs together. The first wife was hooked on my dad for some reason, my mom was too but got over him over the years. The first wife hated my mom and still does(Blames her for dad going to prison ?!?!). My mom had two sons before me and dad had two sons and a daughter.
I've been reconnecting (or rather connecting since we've been across the country from eachother all the time.) I haven't talked to my dad in a while after things got a bit heated and my parents are no longer talking after moms boyfriend moved in. Originally he told her not it was OK to have a relationship. He called me up to tell me this. He talked to his first wife the same way he has to mom in the past. My mom used my facebook to look at first wifes feed, which mentioned dad quite a bit.
I've been talking to my sis lately. I'm not certain but I think shes in denial about dad or isn't aware of who he really is(I think his sons have a similar sentiment as mine towards dad, one of them telling him they want nothing to do with him). I've been wanting to reconnect with some family after Ive been a shutin for 3 years. I'm dreading any future talk about dad, or why i would be reluctant to have any relationship with him, any more than a few phonecalls per month once he is out. I don't fixate on him, but I would be lying if I said I didn't feel any disgust/shame/resentment. The recent drama with him has me doubting if he's changed.
The strange thing with Firstie is, I found an old newspaper clip where she said he was a bad guy, and claimed there was an order for him not to come near her or her kids. However the sentiment appears to have changed.
The heart of this is:
Should I write him out completely or remain in some contact? I've read that some contact lessens recividism. Should I stay in touch with his other kids and his family? I feel like I don't really know him but hes still my dad. I'm planning on moving and I'm not sure if I should tell him exactly where I'd be. How should I approach any conversation about dad?
From what you have written I will be brutally honest with you. From the standpoint of being a dad or father he is not in any description of the word. I mean biologically he is you father. For he supplied the sperm you were conceived from. Again being frank mom could have gone to a sperm bank to conceive you, that would not make the sperm donor your father.
A father is someone that is there for you while you are growing up. Provides a loving home. Nurtures you and guides you through the pitfalls of childhood. He is not someone who does drugs, sexually assaults people and goes to jail for 15 years.
If you want to consider him your dad/father that is your choice. Bear in mind one thing though. You say you recently have been connecting with him. There is a reason convicts are called cons. You say he is going to be released soon. If he is being paroled he is going to need a place to stay. Generally with a family member. You say his son wants nothing to do with him. Fifteen years is a long time and you just recently start to connect with him. Even if it is you doing in attempting to connect; I question his motives.
What concerns me more about what you have written is you say you have been a shut in for the past 3 years. I would like to know more of why you have been a shut in. It is possible we can help you get out of the house and live a good life. That is the purpose of what we do here. Write us again and let us see if we can offer any help.
As for your biological father it is your choice. If I were you I would follow your brother and have nothing to do with him. From what you write he has never been a real dad to you.
Ok, so I've decided to be vegetarian. You'd be supprised at how intelligent animals actually are. And my mom is all like,"oh, you can't be vegetarian, your Italian." Ok, soooo, being Italian means you can't realize animals have souls? Also, vegetarians and vegans tend to be more healthy and live longer lives than non vegetarians, and have decreased risks of desieses. Unless they eat too much junk food, like donuts, and potato chips don't have meat. But you can be healthier easier than being a meat eater. Also, I'm vegetarian, not vegan, i can eat eggs, beans and dairy, getting sufficent protein without having the death of animals in my system.
While you have not asked a specific question I believe I know what you're asking since my niece turned vegetarian for a while when she was probably about your age. You are correct about it being a healthier lifestyle. While my niece is no longer a vegetarian I know several people who are and have eaten in vegetarian restaurants with them. If you stick to a proper vegetarian diet there is nothing wrong with this lifestyle.
Now where the problems come in are for mom. It means mom making separate meals for you then for the rest of the family. Having a vegetarian in the family can also increase her shopping bill as there are different things she will need to buy for you that the rest of the family will not need.
The first problem is easily overcome. If mom is preparing a meal that is not on your diet, such as breakfast you will need to get up earlier and make your own breakfast. IF you have been buying lunches at school you will now have to pack your own. If mom was making lunch for you and your siblings of course you may not want what she prepares for them. So again you have to prepare your own, The same goes for dinner.
You have chosen a different way of living and there is nothing wrong with that. Being Italian has nothing to do with that. There are a number of great Italian dishes that can be prepared vegetarian or even Vegan. The problem for mom is the extra work for her preparing a special meal for one person who does not need that meal for medical purposes. Meaning the doctor has not ordered it for you. If a doctor was to order it for you mom would not oppose the extra work.
My advice is if you want to follow this diet you must learn to prepare your own meals.
NOTE: I understand why you wish to do this. But understand this as well. As humans we are the highest animal on the food chain. Most all animals on the food chain get their food from the animal below them on the food chain. For not all animals are vegetarians. Most get their protein from another animal.
How should I ask someone's grandmother to have sex with me?
You are obviously into older women or this grandma is a real MILF. Whatever your reason for wanting to have sex with her it would be much easier to answer this question if I knew your age. In a situation like this age is very important. For if you are under the legal age of consent, which in most states and many countries is now 18. For her to have sex with you could land her in jail if anyone found out.
Being someone's grandmother makes her at least three times your age. I really can't tell you how to approach this women without knowing her or knowing more about her. Does she flirt with you in anyway? How well do you know her? How do you know her.
If you do approach her and attempt to seduce her or actually ask her she could:
1. Offended - And say something to those that are close to you about being a pervert.
2. Be flattered and politely turn you down.
Regardless of what you might read or see in the movies or on television. There are not many women who are into having sex with younger men or women who are called Cougars. Unless she has flirted with you or in some manner shown that she might be interested in you in a sexual manner. My suggestion is you don't approach her and just let her be a fantasy not fulfilled.
So, it seems as if I'm never able to please my family members. I always end up disappointment them. I'm 14/f and the school year is almost over and I'm under a lot of stress and pressure of getting my grades up and finishing final projects and regions too. My mom doesn't understand that all I want to do when I get home is just sleep and calm down. My older brother said that I'm a lazy bastard that just abuses my mom and grandmas assistance around the house. My mom calls me names like pig, useless, a disappointment, and I can never make her happy no matter what I do. I want to tell everybody how I feel about their hurtful remarks (at times I end up crying but they don't care) but I'm a shy person who's kept to herself and I fear that they'll just laugh at me and look at me even lower then they do now. They even tell me what would my dad think of me and that just makes me want to just die in a hole because he was a good man and he died from cancer. I just want to die and maybe everybody would be happier and not have to stress about "The disappointment" of the family. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just physically and emotionally exhausted of it all. I'm slowly giving up on everything and nobody notices or cares anymore.
I'm sorry that this is so long but i didn't know how to fit this into a few sentences
Don't apologize it sounds like you have good reason to vent. Venting is one of the reason we are here.
First my condolences on the passing of your dad. Not knowing how long ago your dad passed may I ask if it was close enough that mom the rest of the family, as well as you, may still be in mourning for him. The reason I ask this is mourning is a form of depression that we all must go through when we lose someone close. We all mourn in different ways.
From what I'm seeing in what you wrote I can see child abuse or I can see someone in mourning lashing out and you happen to be the person in the line of fire. Your older brother just picks up on what your mother does.
The other side of what I see is just plain child abuse and that is illegal not that the other isn't as well. One is understandable to an extent while that other is not. Yes I know this is a little confusing.
What I would like you to do is tomorrow discuss what is going on at home with a trusted teacher or your school principal. Once you inform them of the abuse, this is mental abuse which is a valid form of abuse. They must by law step into help you by notifying the proper agencies such as child protective services (CPS)to come and talk with your family.
If I am correct in my thinking that in some manner you mom is still in mourning for your dad. CPS will find her help to better deal with her loss than lashing out at you. If there are other reasons for lashing out at you they will help correct those problems as well. CPS does not always remove children from the home unless they are in imminent danger. This does not sound like your problem. So talk to either a teacher or your principal and get help to fix what is broken at home.
Im in relationship with my boyfriend for 6 years now. Im 24 years old, kinda peak age for a person like me who wants to settle down. But my father dissaprove ny boyfriend. He thinks that i dont have better future with my boyfriend. It hurts me when he judge my boyfriend. My father is really strick, well at some point i understand him, he's away from us coz he's working abroad. He was just protecting us and he wants us to be in a better place. If he only knew that my boyfriend is a hardworking person, he buys me anything, treat me right, especially respect me.
As children our parents raise us to get their approval and to do things to make them proud. The need to get approval is a protective system and the desire to make them proud is a motivational system parents breed into their children almost from birth. These are ties that bind are very hard to break when we become adults.
You are an adult and have been in the eyes of the law for the past 6 years. You do not need parental approval for choices you make. If your father is judging your boyfriend without ever meeting him he is being very wrong. It is wrong to judge someone you have not met.
As parents of an adult child are jobs switch from telling you to advising you. Once we have given you our advice we must sit back and be therefore you should you decide and go against our advice. Be there to help you recover should are thought become true. For at the end of the day you and you alone make the choices you wish to follow not your parents.
If you believe this is the man for you then my advice is to follow your heart. Tell you dad he you appreciate his advice but feel he is being judgmental of someone he has not taken the time to meet and get to know. If he had or would he would feel differently.
You of course use your own words. Though what I have written sounds about right from what you have told us. Again my advice is if your heart is telling you this is the right man for you then follow your heart.
I'm 11, and I don't know what is UP with parents these days.they think they've seen everything there is to see, done everything there is to do, learned everything there is to learn. They think they should be granted God status and they own everything. Like my mom, she claims she owns my phone, kindle, tv, etc, because she bought it. Ok,I buy my friend a shirt for her birthday. The shirt is mine, because I bought it? And if you prove them wrong in an argument, you get in trouble for being a "wise ass." For example, my dad and I were arguing.he said I should watch my language.I pointed out he curses all the time. He told me stop being a smart alec, and to do as I say not as I do. Who is so hypocritical they won't follow their own (stupid) rules?
This is a little hard for children to understand. I didn't understand this until I had children of my own.
In one sense you are correct your things are your things because we bought them for you and gave them to you. The difference between a parent giving a child something and a child giving a friend a gift is this. When we give you something, even if it is a gift say for your birthday it has strings attached to it.
By law until you reach a certain age and purchase things with money you earn, emphasis on earned money, you have no ownership rights. Everything you have belongs to your parents. Everything you possess still belong to your parents and they have the right to take them away from you say as punishment for something.
Now as for cursing; sure any 11 year old attending public school should be able to make a sailor blush. That is not the object of what your father means. He is an adult and you are a child. His job is to teach you right from wrong. We curse out of frustration and it is really a poor thing when we do. We should be able to make ourselves understood without cursing.
One time before I retired was attending a regional sales meeting. One of my coworkers, me and our sales manger were talking when my coworker remarked he had never heard me curse. My manager said in all the times he had rode with me he hadn't heard me curse either. I said I knew all the words but trained myself not to while working. Because on any given day we can be on a jobsite one minute and in an office full of secretaries the next. So as not to make a mistake and let fly with the wrong word at the wrong time I don't.
I tell you this because it is important to be able to make yourself understood without cursing. People will respect you more when you able to do so. This is why your dad tells you to watch your language. This is also why at home it is a do as I say not as I do world. Mom and dad are trying to teach you the right way to do things even if they don't. I can't fault them for doing so they are being good parents.
The real problem is your are 11 and like a lot of 11 year olds you are in a rush to grow up. You are tired of being treated like a child and want to be treated more as an adult. TO be treated more as an adult comes with age, maturity and acting more as an adult. It will come but you have to grow into it. Give yourself time to grow and mature and I'm sure your parents, who seem to be good parents, will treat you with the respect you earn and give.
When I [15/f] get mad I go off, but does that make it right for my step dad to tackle me, and steal my stuff, and break them? I tried to call the cops, they said he had those rights. I can't stand him, so what should I do?
I agree with Danicus there must be more to this story then you are telling us. Even at 15 you do have certain rights and if the cops are taking your step-father's side. No parent has the right to physically or mentally abuse you this would include tackling you without good reason. Good reason would be you being out totally of control and him tackling you to calm you.
Why not write me or us back, you can do so in a private message if you would like, with a more complete story of what is going on. There are two sides to every story so to be helpful to you we need to hear more of what is going on then what you wrote.
OK so I didn't do so well on my last math test, I got a 41%, but I am going to do an extra credit assignment that'll raise it to the 80% range. She was still reallly mad, and is making me go to extra help every day before school at lunch and after school on tuesdays until my grade raises. Is it just me or does this seem extreme?
It is not only hard for us to weigh in on how a parent reacts to something like this; it is not right for us to do so. While we might think it is extreme or maybe not extreme enough, in some instances. They are your parents and as long as they are not physically harming you it is not for us to say or advise you on.
If a parent was physically harming a child as punishment for a bad grade or something else then we would and should advise you as what to do. Making you or as you see it forcing you to get extra help in math is just good parenting.
I don't know why you did so poorly on this exam. Is it you just didn't study for the exam or are you a poor math student. There is nothing to be ashamed about if you are a poor math student
My son was a poor math student. Actually he was a poor learner. After a stint in the Army and being taught a new way to learn by the Army. HE came out went to college took remedial math plus his college level math courses and graduated as the honor Graduate from his Paramedic Class with a degree in Emergency Medicine. Today he is a Paramedic/Firefighter and many people are alive today because he was their paramedic when they needed one.
Keep an open mind about the extra work your parents are asking/demanding of you. It is quite possible that like my son; you too will find a new way to look at and learn things.
Good luck, bring that grade up so you can have a great summer.
I am a little embarrassed to ask my mum I'm 12 years old a male but how do I ask my mum to buy me new underpants?
There is nothing here to be embarrassed about. Underpants are an article of clothing just like Jeans or T-shirts. You mom wears panties which as you must know the ladies equivalent of underpants. If dad still with you he I'm sure just says to her to pick him up a package of new Jockeys or Boxers when he needs them that's what I do. So a simple request from you for the same won't embarrass mom and shouldn't embarrass her.
I'm assuming that since mom must still do your laundry she would notice if your underpants need replacing. So you either need a larger size or wish to switch to either boxers or Jockeys. If this. Of course if dad is still living with you there is no reason you can't go to him and ask him to ask mom.
While you should not be embarrassed to ask you mom to make this purchase then what you can do is leave a note on the kitchen table before you go to bed or before you leave for school were mom might find it when she leaves the house or when she comes home.
My dad and my mom have always had a ton of problems in their marriage. He's an addict and has never been a good father to all 4 of us kids. He's barley even acknowledged that were his. He lives in our house but he's just a stranger to me. He and my mom have gotten into horrible screaming fights and he's even gotten physical before. He's tried to choke her many times. Just today he threw her across the room and threatend " if you ever take me to court or try to get a divorce I will crush you and kill you". He's also bipolar and has anger issues which is why I'm terrified that he will just snap one day and get angry enough to kill her. He also said that if she tried for a divorce he would fight her 10x harder and win custody. I'm not sure what to do or what my mom should do. Even if she gets a restraining order or a divorce there is no doubt in my mind that he will find her and kill her or at the very least hurt her badly. All I want in life is to get away from him and for my mom to too. But I just don't think that's ever ganna be a possibility. Any advice would be appreciated at this point. Thank you
missundersmock advice is very good. You may feel it safer to call from school or the home of the friend. You MUST CALL THE POLICE for the safety of your mother and you and your siblings. If you call from the school or wish to call from school there is a support team in place to protect you. Go to the principal and tell him or her what is happening at home and that you are scared. Ask for the police to be called to the school so you can tell them and make a report. The principal must take you seriously and call the police for you as well as child protective services (CPS).
After you have spoken with the police call an organization called RAINN. RAINN stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network; they will help you find a safe place for you, your mother and your siblings. Someplace where your father cannot find you or get to you. You are safe in school as the staff will not allow him to harm you or get to you while in school.
As for dad gaining custody of you and your siblings; there is no Judge in this world that would give custody to a bipolar manic depressive addicted parent so stop working on that threat, it just won't happen.
When the police and CPS come to school tell them exactly what happens at home and how often. answer their questions as completely as possible. If you don't know an answer say so. CPS is there to see to your safety and well being as well as your siblings. The Police will look out for you mothers well being.
You father will most likely be arrested and spend at least one night in jail. Use this time to help mom find a safe place for you, your siblings and her to get to so when dad is released he can't get to you and harm her.
Good luck and I'm sorry you have to be the strong one for you mother. No child should have to put in a position to protect a parent. From what you write this is something you must do.
My daughter, 21 years old, has always had low self esteem and in most, if not all relationships, has at least mentally cheated with "friends" she has via the internet. I thought this time would be different, but apparently it isn't...last night I caught her texting with a boy. When I confronted her about it, I could tell it was more than just harmless texting - and she never denied that it wasn't more. I told her if I was wrong, then show me the texts and she refused...enough said. The problem is that she's getting married almost exactly a month from today....AND I'm dumping a boat load of money into it!
I know it can't be easy for her to live at home with her step-dad and I, but she's very lazy and very unmotivated. She has never held a full time job and does little around the house - 6 months ago, I told her she needed to make active plans to move out when she told me she was already engaged and moving out anyway. I suspected this marriage was just an escape route to get out of the house.
Last night I talked with her and told her this is a MARRIAGE and serious business...she can't play those foolish games that she did in the past. She can't long to have the attention of every man, because there will only be one now. In two instances of her cheating, I became very good friends with the boys' parents, so honestly, I was very embarrassed when her cheating was exposed. This case is no different...again, I've become very good friends with her fiance's mom and we talk often, even though she lives a couple hours away. During the heart to heart last night, I told her if my suspicions are correct, I will not forgive her this time around because she's already dooming her marriage to fail. You don't go into a MARRIAGE with relationships on the side.
Long story short... I'm beside myself and depressed that she has such issues about herself. She had no answer when I asked her why she does this. Just shrugged her shoulders and looked aloof about it.
What do I do? Have I done all I can by just talking to her and giving her the cold hard facts? It wasn't a short talk....she probably tuned me out after the first 3 1/2 minutes.
There is nothing you can do to fix this. Whatever you might try to do amounts to "leading a horse to water but not being able to make it drink." Your daughter is 21 legally an adult. Neither you nor anyone else can force her to change.
While I agree counseling might help I do not believe it is marriage counseling that your daughter needs. What she needs is to meet with a psychologist to find out why she has such a low self-esteem. You say your daughter is; "very lazy and very unmotivated." What she may really be is clinically depressed which is either brought on by the low self-esteem or the low self-esteem is brought on by the depression.
If either you or your husbands company offer the employees and EAP program, employee assistance program. These programs generally cover anyone lining in the home with them. This program will find a psychologist for her and pay for a certain amount of visits as well.
Suggest to your daughter that she get a complete medical checkup before she gets married. Try and speak to her doctor and ask that she be screened for depression. IF the doctor diagnoses depression then follow the advice and arrange for her to see a psychologist for therapy.
My feeling is treating one or the other will improve her self-esteem problem. Once that is improved you hopefully will see a different person in your daughter.
What do you do when your dad, who is a crazy, ridiculous control freak tries to dictate who you marry? My dad is insane (I know that's disrespectful to say about your dad and I'm sorry), but he just doesn't want me to be able to run my own life. I've looked up the signs of an overly controlling parent on the internet and he has almost all of them.
I'm an adult (I'm 27) and he tries to control what I eat, what kind of car I drive, who I have as my friends, where and when I go to church, and other such things. Most irritatingly, he tried to control where I went to college, what classes I took, when I moved out of his and my mom's house, and what career path I chose. When I refuse to do as he says, he can have a giant fit and gets C-R-A-Z-Y. He makes me feel smothered and it's extremely unpleasant to be around him.
Now, what would you do if you had a father like this? What would you do if your boyfriend, who you love more than life, asked your father for your hand in marriage and your dad said no. He honestly believes he can stop me from marrying who I want to and I'm afraid of what will happen to our relationship when I go against his wishes.
If your dad just hated your boyfriend and insists that you two won't get married and knows you two are planning to get married against his will. He's threatened to put a stop to it, which he can't, but it's annoying that he thinks he can. It's also scary because he's the kind of guy who'd pull something like ruin the wedding IF he showed up at all. What would you do?
Wow Talk about a Narcissistic parent, I am so sorry for you. There is not much you can do to change your dad. There are things you can do to help yourself. From reading your note to us I understand you don't live at home with him. That's good.
I'm also sure like most children you would like to honor your parents and have their blessing as you grow and mature in life. It is apparent to me this is not possible for you unless you do as your father tells you to do. Because of how your father is towards you; you are by all respects morally released from having to honor him in the way you might like to.
You are 27 legally an adult and do not have to answer to anyone but yourself not even your husband, legally speaking. Once again if you are in fear of your father there are things you can do legally to protect yourself.
Just because he is your father that does not give him inalienable rights of access to you. He cannot enter your home or workplace without permission the same is true for your wedding. If he is not invited, should you chose not to invite him and nothing says you must. Then he cannot attend the celebration the Church is a different story as it is a public place of worship.
What you can do to insure he stays away from you, if this is what you want. Is to go to the district court and file for an order of protection. From what you have written you live in fear of being harmed in some manner by him, physically or emotionally. This is sufficient cause to get an order of protection. If he violates the order of protection you can have him removed by the police.
I know this is not something you would want to do, it is not something I usually recommend as the only solution to a problem. Based on what you have written it is the only solution that guarantees your safety and protection from him. Discuss this with your fiancé and do what you think best.
I am 24 years old, living with an abusive mother. i have been in a secret relationship with someone that she hates. The reasons for hating him are not valid. My mother is a narcissist. Today, there were pictures caught of me at a big event. She can't find them on Facebook. I am so scared of her seeing them that I have even considered suicide. I would't go through with it, but it has crossed my mind as a result of the abundance of stress. She has threatened to kill me and/or him if she finds out that we are together. The problem is that I have not caught it on tape or recording and it was not written. So, if I bring it up to the police, it is her word against mine. Please help me. I am so scared. Please!
Lets' start with why at 24 years of age you are still living at home. Moving out of moms home would be the quickest and easiest way to solve this problem.
I understand financial reason may be one reason for living at home. There are alternative to getting your own apartment. There are agencies that specialize in finding people to share apartments or for people who may want to find someone to rent a room too. Contact a couple of these agencies, they can be found on the WEB, and tell them what you can afford and see what they can find you.
As to taking pictures off Facebook? I know Facebook will remove indecent pictures as for others I don't know. You can contact them to find out. In the mean time you can unfriend your mother and ask your friends to unfriend your mother or anyone you are friends with on Facebook who may be friends with you mother ask them to unfriend her or you unfriend them.
GO to your account setting page and change you account setting to the strongest security so that only your friends can see your page. Change your password and make sure to sign out every time you leave Facebook.
As for the threats. They are most likely just that threats. The problem with a threat from a legal standpoint is this. IF I threaten to harm someone and that person believes I can harm them. Even if I meant it as just a threat, from a legal standpoint in most states it is now an assault. Most likely just a misdemeanor offence but still I can be arrested for making it. No one else has to hear it and it does not have to be on tape. The person threatened just has to be in fear and have reasonable belief that I am capable of carrying out my threat.
You are scared, if you believe your mother is capable of harming you; then call the police.
My mom was making some food for our pet and she poked a hole in the cup, she told me to throw it away so I did. She then starts screaming at me that I put it in the wrong trash can. I said how was I supposed to know. She then started screaming at me about how I never do things. I really can't take it anymore. She really embarrasses me to because we have a screen door and everybody could here us that was outside. She always does this, and it's starting to get ridiculous. Please help, I really don't know what to do.
There is really not enough information here with which to give you much in the way of advice. What I can do is ask you if this is something new in how mom is acting then there may be a medical reason for it and to try and get her to see her doctor. Tell the doctor the has been a change in how mom is acting; flying of the handle at little things, yelling and screaming and how this is different from ho9w she has been.
If this is not a new way of acting for her then I need more information on how you and your mom interact in order to give you better advice.