Member Since:June 18, 2009
Last Update:April 17, 2014
General Sex Questions
aboutThe object of my column will be to help you help yourself by pointing you in the right direction if I can or by supplying you with WEB resources you can use that will help you find the answers your looking for.
Long story short I was dating a guy last year ended up pregnant and we broke up shortly after.. He threatened to take custody of the baby, threatened to have me jumped so I'd lose the baby, and also said when he gets visitation he would drown the baby.... Well I had to go to the hospital for cramping and he found out and assumed I gaff lost the baby so I just let him believe it and we haven't spoke since... Now I have a beautiful little baby and I can't help but feel guilty... Am I doing the right thing keeping my baby away from him and his psychotic behavior our am I doing the right thing to protect my little one.... Is it wrong that my son doesn't know his father it that this man has no idea he has a son? I feel terrible but on the other hand I feel I'm protecting my baby please help
You have a unique question that actual breaks down into three parts. There is the law, which affects both of you as parents. The there is also reality and add to them the morality of right and wrong.
The Law: By law he has the right to know he is a father and to have visitation as well as certain custody rights if he wants them. Whether the court will award him any custody or visitation, supervised or unsupervised is really up to the courts as argued by the lawyers.
Then there is the matter of his legal responsibility to the baby in the manner of child support. Each state is a little different with its law in this regard as to just what his financial obligations are. Fact is the courts will decide based on the law just what you as custodial parent are due from him in financial support and what he must maintain in the manner of medical insurance and possibly life insurance for the term of his obligations.
Reality: You don't know what type of father he will be. You don't know if his threats were real or if he was just trying to scare you. I assume you never reported the threats so it is a he said she said thing. Do you have any witnesses to any of the threats you say he made. Unless the ex boyfriend has some type of police record for a judge to look at the judge may not take these threats into consideration.
The morality: The right and the wrong of it. For the sake of discussion lets just say while pregnant you had an accident and where in a coma. Lets take this a step further and say that the doctors took the baby and it survived. Since the doctors could not tell if you would ever wake up he took custody of the baby. When you awake from the coma no one tells you that you gave birth to a live baby. They let you assume you lost the child.
This is pretty close to the same scenario you're in now with the ex boy friend not knowing he has a son. Put yourself in this position and ask yourself how would you feel if sometime down the road you find out you have a son you never knew?
I or we cannot make this decision for you. What I can suggest is you see a lawyer. The lawyer can make sure that all the legal work is done so that he or she can fight for you to retain custodial custody and receive all the rights under the law that your ex is responsible for. The lawyer can also fight for supervised visitation should the ex want visitation until such time as the child is old enough to protect himself.
If you feel you would be in danger from your ex the lawyer can also ask the courts for an order of protection. The lawyer is also the best person to counsel you on this question as he or she know the law where you live and how it will affect you should you choose not to inform the ex.
I have been talking to a friend of my brothers for a few months now. We have been hanging out for the past couple weeks. The first time we had sex was almost four weeks ago. I haven't gotten my period since, and I have been feeling a little nauseous. I told him over the weekend that I might be pregnant and he told me he's not ready for a baby and it's bad timing because we are not really dating, but he would be there for me if it's definitely his kid. My brother found out about us hanging out and he told me to be careful because he said he's really shady and he doesn't want him to hurt me. I don't know whether to believe my brother or not because he really seems like a great guy. I don't know what to do. If I am pregnant, I'm horrified that he's going to leave and my family is going to disown me. And I don't know whether or not to take my brothers warnings seriously. I just need a little advice. What should I do about both of these things?
First find out if your pregnant. Get two home pregnancy tests. Take the first one, hopefully it is negative, even if it is or if it is positive test again in two weeks. If the results are the same then believe the results.
The biggest reason for a woman to miss their period is stress any type of stress. Worry over being pregnant is certainly enough stress to cause you to miss a period. You don't say whether or not any protection such as a condom was used. If you did not use protection that only increases the stress.
Hopefully you are over the age of 14, you did not give your age. IF you are pregnant and over the age of 14 one worry you don't have is being forced to do anything you don't want to. By federal law anyone over the age of 14 has total medical confidentiality over their reproductive systems. This means your parents have no say in forcing you to have an abortion or not to have one. It will be your decision.
Now should you decide to have the baby and to keep the baby you need to see a lawyer. The father, and possibly his parents until he becomes of legal age, have certain responsibilities to your child. The lawyer will explain what these responsibilities' are and do the legal paperwork to have the court orders issued to see to it that he or his parents provide the child support and other support required by law to the child.
As to your parents disowning you. Every girl feels just as you are feeling. It is extremely rare for a parent to disown or kick their child out of the house. Remember regardless of all else it is their grandchild you are carrying if you are pregnant.
Will they be upset with you? Yes I'm sure they will. Will there be some yelling and screaming? Very likely though when the yelling and screaming is over they will focus on what is in the best interest of you and their grandchild.
The one thing I do not recommend is you and the boy getting married if that is even possible in your state based on your ages. The boy does not sound like good husband material and shotgun weddings as they were once called never last and you can be hurt physically and mentally if you do marry him at what I assume is your early ages.
Last, yes you do have to tell your parents if you are pregnant, It is not good for you or the baby if you try to hide your pregnancy. If you are going to go through with the pregnancy you need regular check ups to make sure you and the baby are healthy. Remember you and that boy made the baby the baby did not ask to be made. IF you decide to go through with the pregnancy then you need to do everything you can to deliver a healthy baby even if you do not plan to keep it.
I've always known my dad had bad anger issues, but I didn't know it would get this bad. Yesterday I said something mildly negative about a commercial on eggs (which was playing on the TV at that time), and he thought I was saying it to him, and threw random stuff at me. I don't think most people could've misinterpreted what I said, and when I explained to him, he kept screaming at me to shut up. When he argued why he thought it was about him, he was being really hypocritical, and not making any sense. Usually he's a great debater (we've debated on different topics for fun before when I was younger).
Today, because my table was slightly messy, he kept saying I was a piece of trash. Which didn't really affect me because I'm used to his behavior, but it's been continuing from this morning to now. He hasn't been saying anything except for "rubbish, trash" and random outbursts of gibberish for the entire day now. I know it's directed to me, because he's always tried to be nice to my mom and sister.
I've always told my mom he has anger management issues and stuff, and needs help, but every time she responds with "shut up". She always tells me he's fine, even though recently he told me he was suicidal. When I bring it up to my mom, she immediately puts up a wall, and calls me a smartass, and sometimes stuff like "we don't need you, wish you were never born" but I've stopped caring about what they say.
My dad isn't an alcoholic, doesn't smoke, and I doubt he does drugs. He does have alot of stress because he's in a very stressful job, but nobody in my family even brings up the fact he needs help. I don't know what I should do, and I don't understand what's happening to him. Please help?
First none of us are doctors so we could not make a diagnoses. Even if we were a diagnosis it is impossible to make one from what little information you have supplied.
To even hazard a guess I would need to know your fathers age and some of his medical history and family medical history. For example does depression run in his family, high blood, pressure, cancer. Are his parents still living if not at what age did the pass away.
Why is this information needed? For one thing it gives clues as to what may be bothering you dad or causing him undue stress. For example if he is reaching the age that his father passed away at he might be stressed about that. He shouldn't be for advances in medical science have been tremendous still it is something that he could be stressed over. The same holds true for your mother.
This is more than an anger management issue for if I am reading you correctly this is something that is more recent in his behavior. What you really need is to try to get him to see his doctor for a complete physical including a screening for depression.
The hard part about this is the younger you are the harder it is going to be for you to him to see his doctor especially if your mother is ignoring the problem. If your father sees his doctor on a regular basis then a call to his doctor with your concerns could be appropriate.
I love my family very much, but for some readon, I am unable to stay away from my grandmother. Nothing bad is going on at home, it's just that I can't stay away from her. Is there something wrong with me?
Grandparents and grandchildren sometimes enjoy a special bond. If you are one of those grandchildren that have a special bond with your grandmother you are one of the lucky ones. I had a special bond with my grandfather who unfortunately passed away while I was still in my teens and I was devastated by the loss.
Unless grandma has asked you to stay way or your parents have asked you to stay away for reasons that are not obvious in your writing. Then enjoy the time you have with your grandmother. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you or the relationship you have with your grandmother.
My grandmother has four grandchildren and seven great grandchildren and has a list of her favorites to least favorites. I'm at the bottom of the list, behind the great grandchildren and everyone. I don't know what's more irritating, the way she treats me or the reason why she treats me that way.
I am the second born and second girl in my family. My dad was the first of her children to have more than one child himself. Up until I was born, my grandmother could have special one on one time with each of her grandkids when she went to visit one of them. I ruined that when I was born and I think it got under her skin.
Also, I think she'd have rather me been a boy. There's only one boy in the family, my cousin, Wesley (my only friend in the family) who can carry on our family name. We don't have the most common last name, but there's no way it'll just die out if Wesley doesn't have a son. So far, he's had three daughters. When his second and especially his last were on the way, my other cousin and grandmother were almost in tears at the news of them being girls. They say that he doesn't need another girl because he already has one/two and I just think, "$#it, is this what they said about me?" I think they think of me as being some kind of disaster or curse and it sucks of them.
As for the way they treat me, I'm a nothing to them. I'm 26 and live in the same town as my parents which is an hour away from my grandmother, cousin, and cousin's family. My sister is 28 and lives nine hours away. My grandmother (and grandfather when he was alive) always ask my dad when my sister's coming for a visit. When they know she's coming soon, they ask and ask when my dad will bring her to see them. Meanwhile, I live an hour away and they never ask to see me. I see them pretty much only when my sister's in town. I know I could go see them, but they'll never tell me when's a good time. They're uninterested in seeing me and in sick of it.
My mom's family never leaves my dad out of anything, but my dad's leaves me and my mom out all the time. They'll invite him to drive down and go to dinner with them, which he keeps a secret until after he goes because they didn't invite us. They invite all the other relatives and their spouses, but don't want me and my mom.
I try with them. For example, I went to the funeral of my cousin's mother (uncle's ex wife), I was there for her the night my uncle died even though I hardly knew him, and I got up at 6 a.m. on a Saturday and drove three hours to and from some kind of ceremony that my grandparents wanted me at. My sister does non of those things, but my cousin buys her Christmas presents and buys me Jack squat. My grandmother wants to see her and doesn't care to see me. I'M DONE!
If this is all because of my birth order and gender, I have less of an interest in tring with them. My dad and Wesley are the only people I want to try with at all from that side of the family. I guess my question is, I'm a bad person for feeling this way? If so, what should I be doing?
Unfortunately you are not the first person to feel this way we get many letters just like yours. Fact is based on what you have written it has been this way for as long as you can remember. This tells me it is not you, it is them. The why of it I can't really say.
Fact is I know exactly how you feel for we have a different but similar situation in our family. When my wife's brother married we were left out of the wedding. Her dad for the longest time thought we had refused to attend until we told him we never received an invitation. If her Aunt had not said something w weeks before the wedding we would never had known.
We had a newborn infant and I had just started a new job. Had we had sufficient notice I could have made the time off part of my contract of hire and brought my parents down to baby sit their grandson. With the little notice we had and never a real invitation we were not able to attend.
Since then for over 30 years she has systematically left of out of major events in their lives and the lives of our niece and nephew. We hardly know the women and have no idea what we have done to offend her. Some time later I met her brother at a National meeting of the company we both worked for and he told me that is just the way she and her mother are. He too was not invited to the wedding and he stay as far away from her and his mother as possible.
I felt a little better but my wife and her brother had been very close and that hurt me.
Jump ahead 30 years, very recently, my brother in-law is executor of an Aunt's estate. This Aunt was more like their mother than Aunt. I've finally had it as I'm getting dunned by the state for taxes on funds I haven't received. So I write a searing letter to him detailing all the slights over that past 30 years and giving him a specific date he has to have the estate settled by or I will have the courts settle the estate. He settles the estate but say nothing about the slights we felt of how hurt his sister is.
I tell you all this because having a similar situation I did what I thought needed to be done. I felt he needed to know from us how we felt then the ball would be in his court to fix or ignore. He has not made any attempt to fix the wrongs.
You could write your grandparents and tell them how you feel and how hurt you are. They will either tell you that you are wrong and they don't play favorites but they do all grandparents do my parents included. They can also just ignore your letter which is most possible.
What you really have to know is you have done nothing wrong. You have tried to have a relationship with them and it has gone no place. Now you can chose to continue to try of just go your separate way. If you chose to go your separate way that does not make you a bad person. Just be there for your dad and Wesley when they need you.
My dad sucks at driving, but you can't tell him that because he'll argue that he's the greatest driver you'll ever meet. To him, a good driver is someone who can maneuver the car well an do cool tricks. To me, and I hope to anyone else, a good driver is someone who is careful, follows the rules of the road, and cares more about safety than being cool.
My dad speeds, takes annoyingly hard turns, slams on the gas and on the brakes, has bad road rage, and texts while driving. He'll also take his eyes off the road to look at the passengers in the car while he talks to them. Once, he fell asleep while driving and when my sister woke him up, he yelled at her, "What? I was sleeping!"
He says that the only other person he knows who was better at driving than he is was my uncle who died in a car accident before I was born. That accident was not completely his fault, but it was partially.
Before that though, he was hated by most of our town for another accident he caused. He was trying to pass a car, but when he got in the next lane to do so, there was a car coming down that lane in the opposite direction. He didn't have much time to pass the car in front of him before he hit the car in the next lane, so the safe thing to do would have been to pull back over into his own lane. Instead of doing that though, he floored it and hit the other car head on. The woman in the car was a mother to small children. She was sent to the hospital where she was told to stay in bed due to a blood clot that the accident caused. She didn't obey the order and got up, which caused the blood clot to break and the woman to die.
People blamed my uncle, but he took no responsibility for it. My dad and grandparents saw no reason why he should. People wrote my grandparents letters saying that if they were good people, they'd help that woman's children I guess by giving them money, but they wouldn't do it. They said that it was the woman's own fault for getting up. The thing is though, that it never would have happened if he hadn't pulled something stupid and caused that accident.
I can't explain what it says to me that my grandparents wouldn't help that woman's kids and that they and my dad don't see any fault my uncle has in her death. It just makes me disappointed in them and it scares me because they don't seem to have learned anything from the accident. I can totally see my dad doing something like what my uncle did someday. He's so convinced that my uncle was such a great driver that he hasn't learned anything from either accident (that one or the one he died in). At least not what he should have learned.
How do I tell my dad that he needs to work on his driving an that he shouldn't follow my uncle's examples without sounding like a total @$$ hole?
It would have helped me in answering your question if you had given your age. Since you have not I will have to be a little generic in some areas of my answer.
From what you have written I don't see you changing any of your fathers driving habits. IF your father has not received any traffic tickets for his driving habits he is not going to accept you telling him he is a bad driver. You can only cause yourself trouble by trying to do so
In fact even if he has received some traffic tickets and has not changed his driving habits. Then this should tell you what your chances are in getting him to change. Very few people change habits like these until the bottom is pulled out from under them.
What I suggest is that if riding with your dad scares you then you take a page out of the dating book most parents give their teenagers. Which is if you are riding with him and his driving is scaring you ask him to pull over so you can get out. Then call for a safe ride home. This may have to be a taxi or even the police if need be. Keep money in your purse for a safe ride home.
I would also suggest you talk to a trusted teacher or your school principal about your concerns. Just as you should feel safe in school you should feel safe in the company of your parents. When you don't feel safe with your parents there are procedures in place in every school district for school administrators to follow. How those procedures would work for this situation I'm not sure as they are designed for child abuse at home.
As for why your family has not supported the family of the women who died. There are some legal ramifications that could come in to play if they did.
While you and I may feel your Uncle may have been the cause of the accident that caused the lady's death. There is a law called proximate cause. This law means if her death was ruled a result of the accident then your Uncle could have been held legally responsible and tried for her death in court.
To meet this law the blood clot would have to be ruled as being caused by the accident exclusively. If your Uncle was not charged in the death of the woman then the rule of proximate cause may have not been met.
Should a family of 9 be living in a 5 bedroom house or is that over crowding ? UK
It really depends on the housing laws or occupancy laws of where you live. In general as long as the parents are not sleeping in the same room as the children and the children's bedrooms are segregated by sex I don't see where these people would have any problem with the housing authority.
As I would see it with 5 bedrooms the parents would have their own bedroom. The two older children of each sex would each share a bedroom. The three remaining children if they are of the same sex would share the last remaining bedroom or the two of the same sex would get that room and the third child would have to sleep in the two older children's room of the same sex.
It really does not matter how the breakdown of the sexes of the children are. There could be 5 of one sex and two of the other. In that case the two of one sex get their own room and the remaining 5, two get one room and 3 the other.
Anyway you break it down as long as the sexes of the children are separated for privacy there should be no problem.
So i just cant stand my boyfriends sister she is a huge bitch and always tries to break us up every chance she gets
She is always getting into our business and always calls him with her stupid problems when me and him are hanging out
I love my bf but i can not stand when he mentions her name or picks up her call when we are doing something
I cant say specifically why i hate her because its too long of a story but she is an evil bitch and i just need advice on what to do cause she is the reason me and my bf argue alot
Boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives are a package deal. They come with mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers and a host of extended family that you have to interact with.
Even if I knew this young lady I would be hard pressed to tell you why she is the way she is. It may not be you per say but the fact that you monopolize time that would otherwise be spent with her. There is a lot of needed information missing from your question to even hazard a guess as to the why but the one I gave is the most popular of the reasons.
If his is a close knit family and she has become use to doing things with her brother than you are the interloper. Depending on how much younger she is what you have said is how younger siblings react when the older siblings no longer make time for them.
What can you do about this. Try to get to know her. If this guy looks like husband material then I suggest you make time for one on one with just you and her. Take her shopping or so something together that she likes. Let her know you are not trying to take her brother away from her. That it is just possible you will become part of the family and you want to be her big sister as well as her friend. Someone else that she can come to when she needs to besides her big brother.
One other thing you and your boyfriend can do is make time to do things as a threesome. You him and the little sister. Doing something she would enjoy.
Doing these things should help her see you in a whole new light. The biggest thing is to communicate both in words and actions that you are not a threat to the relationship she has with her brother.
My mother's last boyfriend was a bit unstable. He drank excessively, smoked marijuana, and couldn't manage his money, instead spending it on everything and anything. He recently lost his job, and out of pity my mother let him move back in with us. It's all ready been 4 months and though he's found a job he isn't leaving. He makes everyone uncomfortable. He plays really loud music so that the neighbours complain and drinks and smokes in the house. He hit my brother when he told him to stop. My mother's tried confronting him but he just twists her words around and says 'are you going to throw me on the streets?' and yesterday, I was alone in the house with him, and he was worse than usual and started screaming at me to undress because im such a whore. I don't feel safe in the house, and I'm just a bit scared and worried. Advice?
I agree with everything solidadvice4teens has written. I will add the following.
If you are alone in the house with this man and feel unsafe, at any time even if mom is at home, pick up a phone and dial 911. Regardless of your age you do not need parental permission to call 911 if you are scared and do not feel safe in your own home. What will happen is depending on what you tell the call taker; the call taker will stay on the line with you until a police officer arrives at your home.
The officer will talk to you and your mother's boyfriend. If the officer smells alcohol or marijuana on him he will be removed from the house. The officer also has the right to notify child protective services for intervention. They at the very least could serve him with a restraining order to keep him from returning to your home.
If you have been hit or hurt by this man the fire department will also be dispatched to care for you while paramedics are sent to evaluate your injuries if any.
When this man tells you to take off your clothes call 911 for this is sexual harassment of a minor. After talking to you the officer will most likely arrest this man.
You have every right to feel safe in your own home. If you do not feel safe you have every right to call 911 and no one can stop you. If you cannot safely call 911 from your own home leave the house and go to a neighbor's home to call 911 or the nearest fire or police station and ask for help. Your neighborhood fire stations are safe havens for children.
I am a 34 year old single mother of 2, my youngest child was born 3 months premature he will be 1 on April 22nd. The relationship between his father and I has been strained since the mysterious conception of our son. Our son was conceived when his fathers condom accidentally ended up on the floor which is an issue in and of its self.
I went through my pregnancy alone after making several failed attempts to contact him to inform that I could not terminate the pregnancy. He reappeared at the hospital a few days prior to our sons birth I allowed him to give our son his last name and gave his family full access to the nicu so that they could visit at there leisure.
During the time our son was hospitalized over a period of 2 1/2 months we rekindled our relationship. When our son was finally released from the hospital in mid June his father wanted me to drop our son off with his mother the first weekend after his release from the hospital. So that he could see the new Superman movie the answer was no. Following our sons release I discovered that his father had taken to social media to express his general unhappiness with his present journey in life. This was the point when I informed his father to go and get happy absent of me.
From this point forward I have had a variety of unpleasant experiences ranging from his fathers dis-involvement with our son to being the subject of his fathers social media rants.
We stopped communication as it became useless and harmful but during this time his fathers has paid a support for our son without a court order and his family has been active in our sons life. Which I have greatly appreciated and continuously expressed my appreciation. I have provided open access to his father and fathers family from day one our son now stays the night with his fathers family on a regular basis.
The past year has been an emotional roller coaster ride as I have attempted to adjust to becoming a single mother of 2. As I stated earlier our son was 3 months premature unfortunately this past winter has not only been bad climate wise for the country but it has also been bad cold & flu wise as people coupe up inside to avoid the elements.
Due to our son being 3 months premature his compromised immune system has been rigorously tested as during his bouts with sickness I allowed him to still be transported back and forth between family's despite his obvious health issues.
My sons paternal grandmother decided to voice her opinion on why he continued to battle with sickness and that was expressed in this manner.
"The reason why he's always sick is because your always up in his face you need to stay out of his face when my kids were little I didn't let people be all up in their face."
When my son began to develop some form of separation anxiety in mid November an began to cry on a regular basis when in my care I first thought the crying was in relation to teething as he had been a very content mild tempered baby. But my sons grandmother and aunt informed me that the reason that he was crying all the time was.
"He's always crying because its too dark in your house."
Recently my son has been very demanding when he returns from visits with his family wanting to be held he cries when I leave the room and dose not want to be put down this lasts until he is home for a couple of days until he readjust to the care that I provide him with.
His grandmother's take on this was " He's crying because I do not pay him enough attention."
Of the three comments which I listed above I only informed her that the one comment that my showing of affection to to son was leading to his bout with sicknesses was offensive.
This past weekend during his visit with his fathers family I attempted to give his family some space the first date of the visit by not calling the day he left home. The second day which was Sunday I attempted to contact his grandmother at 11am giving her an opportunity to wake up and get herself and the baby situated.
I called both her cell and home phone and did not get an answer so I then called my sons aunt to question if she had spoken to her mother and informed her that I was attempting to contact her in reference to my son. This is when the aunt contacted her bother who is my sons father and then called me back and told me that my son was fine. I stated that I did not feel comfortable with this she then stated that " what you don't feel comfortable with him being left with his dad." My response was no I don't feel comfortable with not being able to contact a person that is with my son."
Per the aunt whom I repeated numerous times the reason why I felt uncomfortable and that I would speak personally to her mother to express my feeling and to come up with a new plan for communication in her absence. The aunt took it upon herself to go ahead of me an pre-brief her mother anyway. This one statement has turned into I am doing everything to keep my son from his father which is an interesting statement since my son spends consecutive days and nights at a time with his father and his fathers family.
I am at the point of removing myself form this situation as I am tired of explaining myself which resulted in the writing of this letter to the grandmother.
To avoid any further unnecessary disagreements concerning my expectations as the active mother of "B" this is what needs to be understood.
When "B" is in the custody of someone other that myself I as "B"s mother needs to be able at any given time to contact the person/persons located at the physical place where "B" is. Regardless of who's custody "B" is in at all times regarding "B"s well-being. If this is not possible "B" will not be permitted to go until the time when this is possible.
(This turned into I am trying to control the grandmother)
Moving forward please understand that as "B"s mother my actions have proven themselves thus far that I am in full support of the establishment of the relationship/Bond of "B" and his father as well as his fathers family.
(This is I am saying one thing and doing another)
Should anyone have any questions concerning me as "B"s mother concerning my thoughts, opinions, or actions please direct those questions toward me to limit any harmful communications in the future prior to accepting that information as factual to limit the power of individuals whom have a vested personal interest in seeing this arrangement fail. For whatever that reason is from this day forward please dis-involve me from any disturbances instigated by anyone other than myself.
(This is to shed light on the aunts assistance in aiding in disrupting our arrangement as I have been told that her mom did not treat her children like she is treating my son)
I would appreciate that my actions thus far would my motives concerning "B" and all parties involved.
(This came from I am sending my son to where his father is so how could I be attempting to keep them apart)
If there are any questions concerning "B"s paternity please take the appropriate steps to gather a definitive answer. I am willing and available to present myself and "B" for DNA testing to confirm his paternity.
(This came from the aunts repeated statement of and my mom knew that my kids were hers not to say that we don't think that "B" is not)
So much has happened from my sons conception to present day there is no way I cover it all please know that I have not been perfect in this situation but I have not cursed, damaged property, or purposely been disrespectful to anyone involved.
But to date I need to know if I am being difficult or unreasonable or acting in a manner that is preventing my son from establishing a bond with his father and his family.
Ready to wash my hands of this situation.
You have been way to kind in allowing the fathers family visitation with their grandchild. As a matter of law they do not have any such rights only the father has these rights.
Your question is long and what you have written, in short will have no standing in law unless approved and ordered by the courts. For your own good and the good of your child you need to contact an attorney who specializes in family law.
Your child's father may be paying child support now. Though without an order of the court he can stop and disappear at any time. As the child’s father he is legally responsible to provide certain support until the child's 18th birthday. This support includes not only monetary support but health insurance and term life insurance to cover his child support through to the child's 18th birthday.
In the order for custody and support you can spell out visitation and the terms of that visitation including when and how long the grandparents can have visitation. The visitation order will include or can include certain terms such as your ability to contact them while the child is in there custody and where they can take him.
Without the legal order of the courts drawn up by a component attorney you have no legal regress and the grandparents are free to do as they please when they have the child. I would go so far to say, depending on the laws of your state, as to claim abandonment when you leave the child with them for any extended period.
The smart thing to do, the right thing to do is to contact a lawyer and have the proper court order gotten to protect you and your child.
Could you tell me if it is legal to find our from a doctors exam, if my daughter is still a virgin? We live in Wisconsin and unsure if there is a a legal way to find out.
If your daughter is over the age of 14 federal law give her total medical confidentiality over her reproductive system. By law no doctor can or will share that portion of her medical information with you.
Mother can no longer be in the exam room with their daughter during a female examination. Parents cannot force any medical exam or procedures on their daughters related to their reproductive systems once they reaches age 14. This is federal law.
It may seem as if the government is promoting promiscuity; they are not. This law insures that young adults have access to proper medical care for their reproductive system, especially in situations they may be too embarrassed to talk with their parents about.
Just for your knowledge. The only thing a doctor could tell you if they were allowed to, which they are not is if your daughters Hymen is intact. Todays active teenagers can rupture or tear there Hymen and still be virgins. Tampon usage by teenage girls, masturbation and fingering by boys rupture many young ladies Hymens. As does vigorous sports and gymnastic activities.
Todays definition of a female virgin is: Someone who vagina has not been penetrated by a male penis. This is something a doctor could not know by examination. The ultimate answer to your question is; even if it were legal for a doctor to examine your daughter at your request. The doctor could not give you a definitive answer to your question.
My mom cant work right now so I have been doing everything for the passed eight months. I used to work two jobs and walk two hours each day at one a.m. because of how late the other job was. I would get home at about three thirty and sleep a couple hours to get to my second job which started at seven. I did all this so we could make rent and bills and groceries. Im 21the now. Dying to go to school. A month ago I dropped both jobs because I was feeling overwhelmed. Mymom does help with the utilities. So when I lost my job rent was coming due and I told her we were going to be short. Instead she was worried about paying off a friend she owed. I found out she has a bit of money saved away. It hurt me so much because Im giving up everything. My last penny whiles shes clinging on to her stash in the account. My brother was the one who ended up helping me make the rent. I just dont get it. And then she tells me that if she were in a position ti work she would never quit her job knowing that there were other people depending on it. I just feel like shes so ungreatful. Ive done so much already and it means nothing. I already found another job. But Im just shocked that my own mother would rather watch me drown and pawn my laptop and do so much while she has the ability to at least try and lighten the load. Am i overreacting? Shes going to be able to start working soon but just not yet. I just want to know if im being stupid or not for feeling this way. Im 21 by the way.
No I don't think your being selfish or stupid. The one being selfish is mom. You don't say why mom can't work. If she is sick or temporarily disabled there are funds such as Social security disability that are available to apply for. If qualified they would pay up to 66 2/3 of what she was earning for the deration of her disability. There is in many states unemployment insurance she could have applied for while disabled an unable to work. Was she aware of this and did she try to obtain this help for herself. There was also the possibility that she had short term disability insurance through her last employer. If she did she may still be able to apply for that.
IF mom knew of this assistance but did not avail herself of them because she may have felt they were charity... Then she was not only selfish she was being stubborn. These programs are programs you and she pay into as part of your payroll taxes they are not charity you earn them.
You were being very unselfish by giving up your own needs and desires to care for your mother and provide for her. For her to allow you to possible harm yourself with the schedule you kept was very wrong of her when she had funds to help herself.
Just what does a child owe their parents? To my mind absolutely nothing; there is an old Indian saying that it takes an entire village to raise a child. The village expects nothing in return from that child except to become a full participating, law abiding member of that village. The same view can be held of a family.
Children do not ask to be born. When they come into this world they are totally dependent on those who brought them in to this world for all their needs until they are old enough to make their own way in the world. Must children repay their parents for all they do for their children; legally no. Morally is another question. Should a child make themselves sick, bankrupt themselves or in any other way harm themselves to provide for their parents out of moral obligation. No especially if that parent won't help themselves and avail themselves of what is out there to help themselves.
You do not say if mom did or did not apply for the services that would have helped her and allowed you to fill in just what she was short if any. Which hopefully would have allowed you to continue with school?
I think it is admiral of you to do what you have done. Now that you know that mom has funs to care for herself and that she has literally taken advantage of you it is time to cut her off. This will do two things. First and foremost it will allow you to get back to leading your own life which you are certainly entitled too. Second it will push mom to get back to work rather than stretch things out further than may be required. Also it will force her to spend the money she has not spent which forced you to work two jobs.
If your living with your mother; move out. Find a roommate and rent an apartment or find a room you can rent. Once you are out of moms' house you are no longer obligated to pay anything for living at home.
No you are not stupid or selfish. I believe you are being taken advantage of and it is time to force it to stop.
what would you do if your underage daughter got pregnant after having consensual sex with a boy?
Considering the liberal views my wife and I have on sex and what we would have told her about birth control and would have provided for her. I would at first be very upset that she allowed herself to get pregnant in the first place. The one thing we would have emphasized is that the boy always wear a condom for her own protection against disease. After calming down we would then sit down and discuss with her who the father of the child is and bring him and his family into the conversation though emphasizing any decision was strictly my daughters.
If she were 14 years of age or older my wife and I by law would have no say as to what she decides. At 14 years of age and older a Federal Law called HIPPA gives her medical confidentiality over her reproductive system. This would include what to do if she got pregnant. All my wife and I could do is support and counsel her as to what to do. In the end it would be her decision. Should she chose to keep the baby I would have my lawyer execute the proper paperwork with the courts to see to it that the father and his parents, until he is 18, provide the financial responsibility the father of the child is required to under the law.
I believe any parents would be upset to find that their underage daughter is pregnant. That news is probably the second worst news a parent can receive. I also believe that most parents will calm down and come to terms with the reality of the situation and do what is best for their daughter. Many parents may not like the fact that there is a law that limits what demands they can place on their daughter. It is the law and they will have to live with it as no court will overturn it.
If you are writing because you are pregnant and under age? Please tell your parents now so you can start making the decisions you need to make and getting the health care you need should you decide to keep the child or at least see the pregnancy through to the birth of the child and then give the child up for adoption, then you want to have a healthy baby. A healthy baby starts with proper medical care during pregnancy.
Be prepared for a full range of emotions from your parents. The one thing that won't happen is you will not lose your parents love because you are pregnant.
My dad keeps blaming me for things around the house that he is actually doing. He yells at me for these things and I can't tell him that he's actually at fault because he'll just deny it.
Sometimes I think that he does it on purpose. For example, a couple days ago, my mom griped at him for leaving the pantry door open which let dogs get into the trash. My dad denied doing it and told he to talk to me. However, when I went to bed the previous night, the pantry door was closed. When I got up that morning, it was open and trash was everywhere. It HAD to be him and he blamed me for it.
Sometimes I think he does it on accident. Like tonight, he jumped down my throat for getting food all over his new recliner, but I can't remember ever spilling food on his recliner and he's a real pig and eats in it every night.
This may not sound like a big deal, but my dad can lose his temper and get crazy over anything. He can be down right scary and I can't wait until I can move out. Also, I resent when he tells my mom that I dis something that he knows he did.
You can't tell him that he's the one doing wrong because he won't believe you. He acts like he's perfect and everyone else is at fault for everything that goes wrong. What should I do?
I'm sorry you have to suffer this way. I know this is no consolation but I could have written this letter for your dad and mine are exactly alike. My dad never accepted blame and never apologized at least to me and my sister. If we did not apologize to him then we got the silent treatment until we did.
With someone like this there is nothing you can do about it. This is a character fault he has built around a depression he suffers from. Depression is something hard for the sufferer to realize they are suffering for . Literally they are normal and everyone else is not. They will never ask for help or accept the fact they need help until they themselves realize the y need help. My father was this way until the day he died.
The best advice I can offer is to try and stay out of the line of fire until you can go off to college or move out on your own. Even then you can expect that he will try to blame things on you or someone you may love. My father did with my wife. Well it backfired on him, I wrote him out of my life and did not speak to him for the last 12 years of his life. Hopefully this will not happen to you.
I will recommend one thing. Depression is hereditary, my sister and I both have suffered with clinical depression and have been told it is related to the fact that our father suffers from it. You need to guard against falling into the trap of becoming depressed by informing your family doctors that depression is in your family and you should be screened for it on a regular basis.
The screening is harmless just a series of questions you answer truthfully and with the first thoughts that come to mind. Based on your answers the doctor can make a diagnosis. This screening can be done during your annual physical.
If things get too bad at home talk to a trusted teacher at school. There are things they can do through the school to help.
I'm sorry I couldn't be more help but there is really nothing you can do but to stay out of the line of fire. He has to ask for help.
I was out to dinner with a friend from work and his 9-year-old son. I've known the man for 2 years and this was the first time I'd sat down with his son for a long period of time (by the way, I don't know what the situation is with the mother and believe it or not I haven't asked in 2 years). Anyways, the kid was a jolly little man. Precocious, very respectful, he knew how to engage with adults. After dinner, they both (his son insisted) invited me to the house for a late night drink/chit-chat. I had nothing to do the next day so I followed them over for the hell of it. After about 10 minutes, dad suggested that his son go to bed to which he replied the following: "can we do a bath first?" The WE in that sentence is what initially struck me as odd. The conversation continued something like this: Dad: "I don't think so tonight kiddo, we have company" Son: "Please? I can't ever sleep if you don't give me a bath." So now I knew the dad GAVE his 9-year-old son a bath every night. Being a self described reasonable person I thought "maybe he's a little old for that, but I guess it's not unheard of." So the dad says "I can't just leave our guest down here alone," to which the boy replied "she can come with." I was taken aback by this, and the dad looked at me and after a moment said "Would you mind?" Not really knowing what to say, I replied with "whatever makes him happy." The kid shot me a smile and the father told him to go upstairs and turn the water on and that we'd be up in one minute. He complied, and once he was out of earshot I was humorously asked "you don't mind seeing my kid naked, do you?" I replied "no," and that was an honest answer. He was an (overly?) innocent 9-year-old kid, what did I care? After all, we were all guys. However, I couldn't hold myself back. I asked "But can't he just do it himself? He's 9 after all." The dad replied "He can, but he always has preferred me to do it. I guess he just likes the company, and it's a nice time to bond and talk about the day." All seemed well to me, so I shrugged and ascended the steps. I'll add this: when I was growing up washing was a private thing at a very early age, so this was new to me. We got to the bathroom, the tub was running half full and this cherubic little being was waiting for us. I took an empty chair and watched. Father says "alright kiddo, arms up". The shirt came off, then the jeans, and finally his shorts. He picked his naked son up and put him in the tub, telling him to soak for a bit. I didn't let it show, but I was astonished. This kid had no modesty at all, I was a total stranger! It was half odd, half cute. The soap was then brought out and the washing began. He started with his hair, and eventually told him to stand up so he could wash his body. All while this was happening we were striking up normal conversation, asking him about school, his friends, teasing him about girls, whatever. His father was lathering soap on him head to toe, back and front. I noticed that he skipped the penis on the way down. Naturally, when he got to his feet I felt that was the end of it. Then, my main problematic incident occurred. He went back up and with his hands, washed his son's penis. It wasn't any different from the rest, it's just that I've always thought that was a no-touch area. But the kid didn't even blink! In fact, he was mid sentence when it happened and he didn't bat an eye! It lasted maybe 5 seconds, so it wasn't excessive. However, it really caught me by surprise. To conclude things, he picked up and dunked his son under the water (to the colossal amusement of the child I might add), took him out and dried him off. We brought him to his room and got his pajamas on. His dad kissed him good night, they said "I love you" to each other and we went downstairs, talked for about an hour longer before I went home. This overall was a strange, new experience for me. I don't think I've ever seen a father and son get along that well first of all, and of course the whole bath time at age 9 was strange to me while seemingly all in good fun. But the only part of it that really bothers me is the dad touching his son's penis. I mean, is he molesting his son when he does that even if the son doesn't care and it only lasts a couple seconds? Would any of you consider that to be sexual abuse?
This is not child abuse. Neither is it normal for a nine year old to be bathed by his father. The lack of modest is not really a bad thing though given what is going on in the world to day the child needs to be made aware. That being said there is information missing that could cause me to say differently about what is normal or may be necessary.
Obviously the mother is not in the picture. Why not and how long ago she left the picture is missing. How much of a trauma was suffered by the boy because of the missing mother? Needs to be answered. Yes the child was well mannered that does not leave out other disabilities that might effect him. It could be the reason the mother is not in the picture.
All of these questions need answers before you decide what is normal as apposed to required. If you are a close enough friend to this person you might try to find out the answers to these questions before you decide if family services need be contacted.
I am a 27 year old mother to a 5 year old boy, a 3 year old girl and a 1 year old girl. My entire life I have always wanted a family. I can't remember a time when I wasn't excited to have babies of my own. I was the kid who babysat for free because I just enjoyed being around babies and kids so much.
I also enjoyed babysitting because it got me out of my house. I had a pretty rough childhood filled with a lot of emotional abuse. So any reason to get away and to have a moment of unconditional love with a sweet baby AND get paid was like, majorly awesome!
Growing up I always just assumed I'd be a great mother. I just knew that I would never treat my kids the way I was treated; I swore I would never forget how it felt to be an oppressed kid.
Fast forward to 1 and 1/2 failed relationships and 3 kids later, I have turned into this miserable wretch of a mother. I am horrible to my kids, more often than not I hate my significant other and I totally take it out on the kids. Every night I feel so much guilt and disgust with myself and I swear that I will Di better the next day... Then the next day comes and things haven't changed a bit.
I am so ready to give up, and even though I know everyone would probably be better off without me, I just can't bring myself to let them go. I know I love my babies, and I know that I am blessed to have three healthy, beautiful, smart and just over all wonderful kids, but I also know that my inability to get my emotions in check is just fucking them up. I want so badly for them to have a great childhood, and to grow up to be happy, successful and respectful adults... But I'm doing such a terrible job. I'm basically repeating a shitty cycle and I feel powerless to stop it.
Everything I read about emotional abuse is geared towards how to help a child deal with an emotijnally abusive parent.
Well I am an emotionally abusive parents trying to find a way to deal with myslef. I have no insurance, no money, the state keeps giving me the run around every time I try to apply for Medicaid, which is the only way I will be able to get the professional help I so obviously need.
I'm looking for some advice on how to deal with my situation. Maybe some advice on how to get a freaking grip. I feel like I am going crazy.
It is said, though I'm not sure how true it is, that girls marry men like their fathers and boys marry women like their mothers. If the saying is true then the relationship problems you are having are somewhat inevitable though fixable with the right help.
It is also said that adults abused as children are or become abusive parents. This has been found to be somewhat factual. Yes this too can be overcome with the right kind of help.
The good news in all of this is you realize you need help. The bad news is the help has not been forthcoming. If you have not tried for Medicaid benefits since the first of the year you need to try again.
While I am not a supporter of the entire Obama Care Program it does have some benefits. Everyone is supposed to have Health Insurance by March of this year. For those who cannot afford it even with government assistance there is Medicaid funded by the federal government and available through state government.
What I suggest is you go on your state insurance exchange or the federal exchange if your state does not have an insurance exchange. Find the phone number for assistance with finding a program and call them.
I have very recently found that when dealing with government agencies applications are rejected for the most ridiculous of reasons. For things the reviewers could correct themselves which really amount to "T’s” not being crossed and I's not being dotted. Instead they reject the entire application and your back at square one.
With the problems of the exchanges they have hired thousands of people to take applications over the phone and help people apply for the program that best fits their needs and ability to pay for. When the application taker sees you need to apply for Medicaid they should start the proper paperwork for you. Medicaid if no other program is a fit for you is the default program. As far as I know you cannot be turned down if no other program is available to you.
You can also contact you Congressman or State Senators Office for help. Both of their offices have aids dedicated to assist with this problem.
Once your insurance problems are taken care of you know what to do. Find a psychologist you are comfortable with as you need to let everything out about your childhood and your romances. With the help of the psychologist you will break the cycle of bad significant others and learn how not to take things out on your children.
Working with government agencies to get them to do what they are tasked to do can be frustrating at times. Keep trying and if necessary call upon your elected officials. We did and for what we were in need of help was quickly resolved with their help.
I'm crying as I right this so everything is blurred. First my mom dad and sister fight a lot (16yrs fr mum and dac and2 yrs for sis) it's so frustrating, I have to pretend I'm happy with my friends but I no if I told dem they wouldn't understand ( you'll say talk to them see what they say but believe me I've seen the epway their parents look or talk to eachother, no serious fighting is going on) my mom has given up so much to stay with us so I can't talk to a facility and whenever we bring it up they blame it on each other. ITS JUST NOT FAIR, I spend most of my childhood crying and pretending to be happy but I hurt a lot. They can't get a divorce because then we can't do the thing see do and they both no that. I don't no sometimes I wanna scream at everybody and curl up in a ball. It just so hard watching them fight and my dad says I enjoy it cause he says I sit there and watch like its a movie. I'm only 12 and I feel as broken as some people who have been in a war. I want this to stop more than anything like sooooo bad my chest hurts and my throat is clogged and my hands shake. I don't want to leave so don't tell me to do that. They love me and I know that but how can I get than to love eachother. I wanna be a kid not a moping sobbing being. I ep want to have fun not to put on a pained smile and force a laugh. How can I do that???????
I'm so sorry that you have to watch your parents fight the way they do and to see your sister fight with them as well. I realize how disturbing this is for you.
Without knowing what your parents fight about it is hard to give you advice. I will tell you that some fighting is healthy. Fighting gets feelings out in the open rather than kept inside where they become stress. Stress is bad and if it gets bad enough it can cause very bad health problems. Just as some fighting is good, too much fighting is bad especially when it causes other problems such as how you feel.
You know that your parents love you. This is very good for that is important for you to know. You want them to stop fighting but do not know what you can do about it. It is not a child's place to intercede in a parents marriage. Whatever they are fighting about is something they have to work out for themselves. If you were older, of adult age, you might be able to offer some advice or at as a mediator. At your age there is nothing you alone can do.
That said have you given any thought to speaking with a trusted teacher about what is going on at home. Given how you feel and how their fighting effects you there are steps the school can take to help.
Are your grandparents still living, if so have you thought about talking with them? Funny thing about parents and children; No matter how old we get we still listen when our parents talk to us. We may not follow their advice or welcome their interceding into our life bit most of us as adults will respect our parents and at least listen to what they say. Your parents may not be, and form your writing it sounds as if, they are not aware of how their fighting affects you.
Of course if there are Aunts and Uncles you can always talk to them. My nieces use to come to me when they were growing up and ask me to talk to my sister when she would not listen to them. I didn't always take their side but when I did I usually could convince my sister to at least meet them halfway. In you circumstance any adult should be able to get through to your parents how their fighting is hurting you and is probably the cause behind your sisters fighting with them.
Sometime it takes someone removed from the situation to make those involved understand what is happening. I'm sure if you talk to a teacher, grandparent, Aunt or Uncle and they talk with your parents things will change.
I'm feeling guilty. Last year, I marked myself as a dependent and my mom had to go through the trouble with her accountant on trying to do everything and to grab my paper work. Because I was a dependent, I didn't get any money from my school but my mom did. She didn't tell me that she got $1,000 and she kind of went off to another country to go to the doctor.
I got frustrated because that summer, I had to pay for college out of my own pocket because I wasn't offered summer financial aid. I told her that she should have told me so I could save the money to put into my college tuition because I didn't know how to pay $2,000 dollars for summer, I didn't get accepted for any loans, and I worked in retail. It was too much money to try to get in such a short amount of time. So, I had to borrow money from my sister's boyfriend.
I told my mom that next time, I was going to mark myself as independent so then I can save money for graduate school. And she threatened me, saying how she won't pay for anything anymore. How she won't help me at all if I needed it. She never really did help me pay for anything, so I agreed.
2013, I started working more. I was still going to school. I pulled out a few loans since I was going to graduate in December. I was pretty much paying for myself and taking care of myself. I was planning on taking a year off after I graduate to try to pay off the loans, save some money for graduate school, go to the doctor, and pretty much take care of things I needed to do so I would not have to worry about it.
2014, I filed my taxes right when I got my 1098-t form. Two days after I did, my mom came up to me and asked for my files because she said that her accountant said she would gain more money back if we filed it together. But I was already done. Even though after that conversation a year ago, and even though I do have that plan, I feel guilty of filing my taxes without her. Did I even do the right thing?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but mom is entitled to take you as a dependent if she is responsible for over 50% of your support. This is how the tax law is written and how the IRS will interpret it.
I would suggest when you get your refund you put it in the bank and not spend an of it as all or part of it will be reclaimed by the IRS if mom files with you as a dependent. Which she may and can do. Just because you did not file jointly does not mean she cannot file with you as her dependent.
How I know this is when my son was your age and away at school he did his taxes taking himself as a dependent. Not knowing this I too took him as a dependent. The IRS computers caught it and sent him a correction and asked for a partial return of his refund.
I don't remember how much he made that summer though it was well below $5,000. Even without taking himself as a dependent he received most of what he paid in taxes back from the state and a good portion from the federal return.
Without him as a deduction on my return I would not have been allowed to take certain deductions. Without those deductions I would not have been able to finance what I was able to of his tuition and he would have had a much greater tuition debt upon graduation.
Yes you earned the money and under general circumstances you would be entitled to any refund. If mom is paying for any part of your college, books, tuition or room and board plus your general maintenance she is entitled to take you as a dependent under the IRS rules. If you were not in college then she would not be allowed.
Did you do the right thing. I would have to say no. You did what you did on purpose so that your mom could not get what you felt was yours. As long as mom is supplying 50% or more of your maintenance she is entitled to the dependent deduction as long as you are in school or until you reach the age out limit.
I am MBA working in US, Indian by birth, perfect looks, gentle, honest ,cool, fun loving, partially gay tendency, looking for a lesbian girl for MOC as well, lifelong companionship, Looking forward to hear from interested .
saurabh11000 at mail dot com
This is not a dating site. You would best be served to put what you wrote on a dating site as you will get more of the type of returns you are looking for. This site is dedicated to helping people with questions or problems they have. I seriously doubt you will receive any answer other than once like this to your posting.
Please help! I'm a teenager and my parents just got divorced. While they were still married, I found out that my dad had been cheating on my mom, and she knew this too. He had been calling 'the other woman' in secret and buying her lots of fancy things we can't afford, taking away from my childhood needs such as the books I wanted for my birthday but never got. (I also asked for these for Christmas but still didn't receive them). This other woman knew that my dad was married but went on cheating with him. I am so mad about this; as a parent, who can say that they did this? Imagine the hurt on the kid! How can I get revenge on the 'other woman'? Please help. BTW, my mom is really hurt by this. So, once again, revenge ideas, please? Thank you.
There is an old saying about revenge; "that it is a dish best served cold."
What this means is you don't go off trying to hurt someone purposely in order to seek revenge. If you were to do so you would most likely be the one getting hurt or in trouble. Your father has shown his true colors which has been at the expense of you and your mother.
If you really want to get even with your father you show him that you and your mom can get along very well without him. You do this by being supportive of your mom. Helping her through the hurt she is suffering and getting her back on her feet.
You are a teenager as such in the divorce decree there is probably language as to custody and visitation. Mom most like has custody and dad has visitation rights. I know you probably don't want to visit with him and his girlfriend right now and it is possible he and she may be counting on that, so they can live their lives without working around a visitation schedule.
By you keeping to the visitation you are messing with him the way he messed with you while he cheated on you and your mom. You need to behave properly while with him and his girlfriend and maybe his girlfriend does not want to be with him when he has you. That would be in your favor if she didn't for messing with him points.
By forcing him to live up to his visitation schedule you are in a sense getting your revenge. You doing so in a manner served up cold for you are doing nothing other than what has been ordered by the courts. He cannot blame you as he is the one that brought this on himself. If he abuses you in any manner, this could include mental abuse, you report this to the social worker that is assigned to you by the courts. Again his doing not yours. Revenge served up cold.
IF I am right, based on the little your wrote about your father. By supporting your mom and following the orders in the divorce decree. Your father will serve up his own revenge on himself. All you have to do is sit back and watch. This is the best revenge and you will be serving it up cold.