So I have been married to my husband for 6 years together for almost 10 years. It is safe to say him and I have more or less come to a mostly great way of living our lives together. We understand each others faults and know how to deal with them (for the most part). We discuss every problem we have thoroughly and are very open. I love him very much!
Now I haven't had a really good friend who is female in a very long time. Now I started to feel a very strong connection with a girl and I considered her my best friend. She is 19 and is fairly naive (not to mention she broke up with her manipulative boyfriend a few months ago). She has also been very good friends with my husband to the point where he would consider her his best friend to.
Her and my husband have started to have a hard time communicating lately. It often seems like she is hostile to him. There is a reason that she started acting this way but that is too long a story. One day she starts in on me about how he is manipulating me into certain things and frankly insulted his fathering skills (we have two children). She said she is my best friend and can see that he is hurting me because she lives with us (before this altercation she wasn't home at all that week). I looked at her and calmly said she was judging our relationship and I did not appreciate it. She said she didn't think she was. She learned her lesson that her opinion was not necessary. I told her that I have been with him for ten years and I don't think I should have to defend our relationship to her especially when she really knows very little about us. I have dealt with defending this relationship to my whole family and my past best friend. I got to the point with my ex best friend that I could no longer defend my relationship to her and things were never the same. I thought she knew us a lot better than she showed me that day and that kinda crushed me. I learned I cant talk to anyone in depth about my feelings with anyone but my husband because they will all end up judging us in the end.
So here is the real problem. Ever since this occurred I have had horrible anxiety and depression off and on. I have determined I am having these issues because I am scared not only of her judging me but that everyone around me is also judging me. I have been having problems not being confident in my relationship with my husband. I have been feeling like we aren't communicating well right now. Like I am seeing those little things I have grown to live with and sometimes to love in him. She screwed with my confidence and I am often scared to talk in front of others...scared to be judged or that I will say something stupid. I am trying very hard to not feel and act this way and sometimes it works but I am sick of this pain in my chest from the anxiety and sick of double guessing things I say and do. Please help me fix this before I have to kick her out of my house for bringing me so much negativity.

First: Get that child-women out of your house. She is not only ungrateful she is toxic to your relationship with your husband.

Second: I do see the need for therapy but only to find out why or what other people see in your relationship with your husband you do not. If you are truly happy in your relationship that is one thing. But it sounds a bit as is you have accustomed yourself to living by his set of rules or standards. This is not fine. Marriage is a 50/50 deal. Each gives some to each other and learns to live together and when children come along they work as a team.

I am not saying anything is wrong in your marriage. In my marriage my wife is my best friend and as much as I ask her not to she always will put me first unless it has something to do with our son. Then he comes first and that is the way it should be or at least it is how I feel it should be.

If your husband is working and his company supplies health insurance. It is a good bet they also have an EAP program, Employee Assistance Program. This offers help with a variety of problems one of which is free therapy sessions, the number varies by program. Call the human resource department of your husbands company and get the number for the EAP line. Then call them and ask for a number for a psychologist in your area that works with them.

You probably only need a few sessions with the psychologist to get these thoughts that have crept into your mind resolved. Once properly resolved life can return to normal for you and your husband.

The visits are usually free and what is said in therapy is totally confidential. No one but you and the therapist will ever know what has been said. There is no reason to be depressed or to question yourself if there is help available. Check to see if your husbands, or your company if you work outside your home, offers and EAP program.


I know that Prazosin is used for PTDS and assorted anxiety disorders. Are there any herbs or supplements that can offer similar benefits?

FYI - I currently take Prozac for OCD.

There may be and if you want to try them I suggest you find a doctor who practices Holistic medicine. Buying these Herbal alternatives over the counter without the knowledge of how they might react with other medications you are taking can be dangerous. Also certain Herbal supplements are not as effective as the manufactured drug and may have side effects worse than the manufacturer's drug,

Herbal supplements and herbal medications are not covered by your prescription drug benefits. These supplements or medications can be expensive. While I might understand why you wish to change to a more natural medication. This is one time due diligence is called for before you take any action.


My life has simply gone from bad to worse. Not in a dramatic sort of way, but gradually. I'm a freshman college girl with no idea as to what she is going to do with her future; this has me stressing over what to do - you see I change my mind about nearly everything from one day, to the next. Today I want to be a vet, but tomorrow I want to be a writer, then the next day I want to be a marine biologist, etc, etc. My parents owe a restaurant to which I am supposed to be “comitted" to, but I don't want to. This makes me feel selfish and irresponsible, plus lazy. I don't like being a waitress and the emotional stress one goes through sometimes is not a joke. My sleeping pattern is f***d up, seeing as how I go to sleep super late (think 3-5am) and wake up at 6:00am to go to class at 7:30, then sleep during the day. I don't go out much which isolates me slightly. I get extremely jealous of my roommate who has been friends with me since 7th grade - she's organized, smart, pretty, funny, social, kind, has a lot of experience in traveling, has worked for important people and attracts guys much better than me. Everything I'm not. The reason why I get hostile feelings towards her is because she reminds me of this everytime I see her. I'm shy, not good at much, get distracted easily, never finish things I start, I forget things easily, I can be dependable, I have the body of a thirteen year old boy, and seem to fail at nearly everything I do. Im fed up with my life and sometimes feel trapped. But these feelings are temporary - they come and go. Sometimes, I get so fed up, that thoughts of not continuing do pass my mind. I feel like nobody needs me and that I'm worthless in more ways than one. I mean I do nothing of importance, I don't help people, so why stay? I just... feel like I'm falling in a hole and I only seem to sink further in, not crawl out.

TO start with it sounds as if you have several things going on here. First some of what your wrote sounds like depression. This would be normal for a freshman to suffer with a bit of clinical depression. You have a bit of homesickness and then add to that the rigors of college and it is easy enough to fall into a depressive state. The fact that you are not sleeping adds to the depression as well as causing problems related to sleep deprivation and being out of sync with the rest of the world.

You also have a problem related to self-esteem. You say you have the body of a 13 year old boy. This tells me you believe your flat chested. There are a lot of guys out there that happen to like small breasted women and there are ways to dress that actually highlight that fact in a very stunning way. Your also old enough to enhance your breast size if you want. My advice is not to for if not done properly you will hate the results.

What I suggest is as follows. Go to the campus health center and see a doctor and asked to be screened for depression. It is painless and the doctor will also perform a physical to rule out any other cause for how you are feeling. Everything you have written about goes directly back to what I know are symptoms of depression and sleep deprivation. In your case the two are a circular fix one and the other will be corrected. Once the two main problems are correct your concentration will come back, you will feel better about yourself and you will be able to concentrate and complete projects on time.

As for being lost, not knowing what you want. That is fairly normal for a freshman which is why you do not have to declare a major until the end of next year. What you can do is go to your class advisor and ask for help in finding out just what you are best suited for. There are tests you can take that will point you in a direction that you will very likely be thinking of or be very comfortable with.

As far as joining the family business goes. You are a young adult now and you will be a more mature adult when you graduate. If the family business is not your idea of how you want to spend the rest of your life. Then don't go back to it.

Every parent who builds a business does so thinking they are building something for their children's future and there's well. Not every child is cut out to join the family business and shouldn't. If it is a good business mom and dad can sell it when they are ready to retire. There is no law that say a child must take over the family business and operate it in their parents retirement for them.

My advice here is to let your parents know you will not be returning after college to work in their business and to learn to operate it. start telling them this now so it does not come as a surprise to them when you graduate.

Most important is my advice to see a doctor and be screened for depression for I feel if you are suffering with depression. Getting control of that will solve most all of the other problems you write about.


I think that I might have anxiety but I don't know how to bring it up to my parents. They would never get me therapy and if I even brought up therapy my dad would mock me. But I don't know what to do because it's getting worse and I'm not sure if this makes any sort of sense but I always feel like there's a knot in my stomach because I'm always nervous and my palms are sweaty and my underarms are sweaty and I'm shaky and I've felt this way for almost 2 years now. There's only been one time in the past 2 years that I've actually felt calm. I had just finished an essay that was due the next day and it was 3 am and I thought that I was never going to get it done but then I did and it felt like there was a tight belt around my stomach that had been unbuckled and I could finally breath but that feeling was gone when I woke up the next morning. I'm only 14 so I can't go get therapy or any sort of help myself because anything I tell my school counselor goes straight to my parents. it's mostly just general nervousness that I struggle with but I have pretty severe social phobia as well and I rarely leave the house even to come to the store or anywhere. I only go to the library. I just don't know what to do. I want the metaphorical belt to be permanently unbuckled.

At 14 years of age you are old enough under certain circumstances to make your own doctors' appointments with or without parental permission. You may also at anytime call 911 for medical assistance and this is one type of medical assistance that 911 can and should be called for.

Remember when you were little mom and dad said if you ever were separated from them to find a police officer and they will help you. This is the same thing. Anxiety can be very harmful. You are already experiencing a form of it that is keeping you from experiencing life and hiding at home.

While I find it hard to believe if you went to you mom or dad and explained, fully as you have to us, that they would refuse to get you medical help. There are alternatives available to you. Yes your school counselor will tell your parents. IF your parents say negative things to the suggestion that you need medical help. Then the counselor must notify Child Protective Services (CPS).

Anxiety can also affect your menstrual cycle. Here is where the law says you can contact a doctor on your own as long as you are 14 or older. A Federal Law called HIPPA gives anyone 14 or older medical confidentiality and the right to seek medical assistance for anything concerning their Reproductive System. They do not need parental approval to do so and parents cannot know they have seen or what they have been treated fro by the doctor without written permission by their child to the doctor. That permission must be freely given and not coerced.

Because anxiety can affect your menstrual cycle you can seek help under that for both problems without parental permission. IF you are unable to get to a hospital or doctors office call 911 or go to the nearest Police or Fire Station for help. Both are safe havens for children.

You can also talk with a trusted teacher or school principal about this. They by law must see to it that you receive help if you come to them with this type of problem.

One again though before you do any of what I suggest above I urge you to talk with mom and Dad. As A parent I find it hard to believe any parent would make light of your problem. Our jobs as parents are to see to it you are safe, Healthy, well fed, properly clothed, housed and clean. Failure in any of these areas is unacceptable and could have us answering to CPS. So talk to your parents. IF I'm wrong then follow one of my suggestion for getting help.


I have been diagnosed with Major depression with psychotic features (I see, hear and feel things that others can't). My friends say that it is all in my head and that I'm just making an excuse as to why I choose to be depressed and I can prevent it. Is this true? Am I making of all of this up? If I am, what are some things I can try in order to not choose to be depressed? If I'm not making this up and my friends just don't like it, then what can I do to help myself not be so depressed so I can get through the day?

Here's the situation:
I am no longer interested in hobbies that I used to like (example: video games, drawing, reading, writing, phototraphy). I also am crying off and on throughout the day. I can barely eat or sleep. If I do get to sleep, I have trouble staying asleep. I see shadow people and they constantly talk and touch me keeping me up all night to where I can't sleep. I basically get out of bed to go to work and when I get home, I just sit and do nothing.

My husband is understanding of my situation and is also trying to help me find a coping skill to master so my depression cannot control me any more.

My real Question is: What are some good coping skills do deal with my mental disorder?

You did not supply this information so how was I to know this. There is help for you if you know where to look. Being diagnosed with psychotic features could, emphasis on could as you again have not said what the voices are telling you. Could place you as being a danger to yourself or others. If this is the case go to any hospital ER and they will help you and the hospital patient advocate will help you get the benefits available to you so that you can receive treatment.

If the voices are not telling you to hurt yourself contact your county or state mental health agency. Every state and most counties have one. They are there to help you. You might also want to contact a legal aid attorney for help with this agency.

If you have ever worked at all file for Social security disability benefits (SSI) with Medicare assistance. You can file on line, have you husband help you as it is quite a lot of questions that need to be answered. You may even be eligible to file under his social security benefits. Call SSI 1-800-772-1213 for information and help do not assume anything.

You replied you have no job, no money for medication. Yet in you writing you wrote; I basically get out of bed to go to work and when I get home, I just sit and do nothing." I see this as the depression talking. If your working and the company has and EAP program, ask don't assume they don't. Call the EAP hot line they can help you.

As far as skills to cope with depression; unless you know what is causing the depression it is hard to tell you what to do to cope. Thinking happy thoughts, trying to keep yourself active so as to try and ignore the pain of depression does not work. Treatment is the only coping skill I know that works. Please make the calls I suggest, there is help you just have to find it.

No one chooses to be Depressed. There are a number of different factors that go into why we become depressed. One major reason is hormonal which is why women sometimes suffer from depression after giving birth.

Once you fall into the pit of depression you fall into the cycle of depression which is not something you can exit without good professional help. Being diagnosed with Major depression with psychotic features; I would expect you would be being treated by a psychiatrist for medication and a psychologist. The psychologist would help you cope with this illness to start with and them to get at the root cause of your depression through talk therapy.

Having suffered with depression brought on by a major depressive episode I know how scary this can be for you. The depression causes pain both mental and physical, which causes more depression. This is called the cycle of pain which medication and talk therapy help to break.

I did not suffer with psychotic features so I cannot speak to it. I do know that while depressed what I saw and heard was perceived wrong messed up by my depression. Which of course caused me to be more depressed. This was the first battle that had to be fought. Once this battle was won we worked to get at the root cause. It was hard work and as much as I fought to hide from the truth when it finally revealed itself everything fell into place and we were able to talk about the problem and instead of hiding from it we dealt with it and put it in its proper perspective.

If you are not being treated by a psychiatrist and psychologist then you need to do so NOW. Especially with the psychotic features.. The psychiatrist should be Board Certified as a Board Certified Psychiatrist is the best qualified to deal with these types of problems.

It won't be easy, it wasn't for me. With hard work between you and the doctors and being compliant with your medications I can assure you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Major depression does not have to be a lifelong event.


Lately I've been feeling really gloomy. I've asked lots of people online for advice, and they suggest I might be depressed. I'm kinda swapping back and forth with the idea, and I've taken test online and they say Im depressed. The thing is, even when I feel well, I just about always prefer depressing stories, movies, songs, anything depressing. I' even seem to enjoy it after I experience pain. My mom was even speaking to me a few months ago how that wasn't normal. I know I've had depression in the past for personal reasons, and I know it was severe then, and I know what I'm feeling now isn't nothing like what is was then. I haven't experienced any kind of tragic event, and this has been going on all week. Is there some way I could find out for sure if I have depression without some multiple test or going off to see a professional? I try too keep this kind of thing from my parents too. Anything I can do besides that?

The only true way to know is to have your doctor screen you for depression. It is a painless exam usually done along with a complete physical to rule out any organic reason for feeling as you do. The screening itself is usually a dozen or so questions your doctor will ask you.

Depression is a very strange illness. If you are like me and suffered with it undiagnosed for any length of time it becomes your normal. Being depressed was my normal for I was depressed or lived in a depressed state for many years. Then something happened to throw me into a deep depression and I asked for help.

This is called hitting bottom and is the closest you might ever want to come to having a nervous breakdown you ever want to come to. I do not recommend waiting for something like what happened to me happen to you before getting screened and getting help, for it was very frightening.

My advice is to see your doctor, get screened then follow your doctor's advice.


It seems like every day I go through the same issues. I feel like the whole world is against me and I feel useless and unwanted. I'm homeschooled and don't live near my church so am away from people my own age 90% of the time. When I am around people my own age, I always try to be the person they want me to be. I just realized that I don't know who I really am and don't know who the real me is. I don't get calls very often, but when I do, I always go over how I'm gonna act. I always act super happy, even times when I'm not. I've always felt like outside of family, there is no such thing as a true friend. Those that I get real close to that I'm not related to, always seem to let me down in the end. i used to feel I could trust everybody, but now I feel I can trust no one. For the past few days, I've just felt like crying. I'm always worried about how my life is gonna end up. I'm always worried that I'll fail at a job, relationship, friendship, family relationships, marriage, parenting, everything. I'm 16 wanting to move out when I'm 18, and constantly worried that I won't be able to pay the bills and will be a burden for my roommate, I don't even know how To move out. I feel like the whole world is against me, and it's become where I feel the only one I can truly depend on is myself. My cousin is the only one I believe will always be there for me through to the end of time. I know I don't have depression, because I'm not unhappy 100% of the time, it's just gotten where I go through major mood swings, and they are really hurting me. I'll be happy one minute and I tend to overthink things and it causes me to lose it. I usually keep my true feelings bottled up till I'm alone. I'm constantly thinking of moving out and feel very unhappy with my life. I feel helpless, unwanted, and trapped. I go through major mood swings over little things and its made me lose control of my thoughts causing me to feel like hurting myself even over the little things. Sometimes I do hurt myself. I usually try not to let things bother me, but lately I've been helpless. I feel I will never make friends, and that my life will be a total failure. This isn't something I will ever tell my parents, and I don't want to talks someone over the phone because it makes me uncomfortable. I am fine using websites though. There are many times when I'm happy so I have to ask...Whats wrong with me? And how can I get help without anyone knowing?

Having struggled with undiagnosed depression for most of my life; both in my youth and into my adult years. I can say that what you have written fits the diagnoses of a severely depressed person. When you wrote that you have thought of hurting yourself and also doing so at times moved you into the area of a severely depressed person.

At some point you are going to need to tell your parents but that does not have to happen right away. At 16 years of age you're old enough to go see a doctor on your own and I suggest you do so to be properly diagnosed.

We are not doctors and while what you have written has all the indicators of depression you need to be screened by a doctor for depression. Make an appointment with your family doctor for a physical. You will need one anyway to rule out any organic cause for feeling as you do. While with your doctor ask to be screened for depression and tell the doctor what you wrote to us.

If as we suspect he diagnoses you with depression you can ask the doctor to inform you parents. Your parents are going to want to know how or why you have become depressed. The simple answer is you don't know and that is the truth. Most of us don't know why and will only find out through proper treatment. Which may include both medication and talk therapy with a psychologist.

If between now and the time you see your doctor, you feel like hurting yourself don't do it. Pick up the phone and dial 911. Tell the call taker you want to hurt yourself. They will stay on the phone until help gets to you.

As a former first responder who responded on these types of calls the help sent usually is the closest fire truck with trained EMT's to care for you until an ambulance with paramedics arrive. The police will also be dispatched to make sure your safe and that the firefighters and paramedics are allowed to treat you. Don't be afraid of who arrives first. Everyone who arrives at where you are is there to insure you are safe and can go to someplace where proper help can be given to you.

This is not something that will go away on its own and can only get worse if we are right that you are suffering from depression. Tomorrow first thing in the morning call you doctor and tell them you need to see the doctor urgently.


Hey! I'm a biologically female 15 year old. I've been really confused and twisted on my gender of late and I was hoping you could help me untangle the mess. So I'm a biological girl, and I'm okay with that most of the time. But I dress like a boy and have sudden impulses to cut off all of my hair. I just cut the hair off of old barbies instead because I tell myself that I'll regret cutting my hair. The impulses I feel to cut off my hair can last anywhere from half an hour to a month. I walk around the boys clothes section at stores, wishing I could pull off the guy clothes better. I'm okay with being a girl like I said, but I long to be a boy when I think about both my near and distant future. Let me explain that. I want to start a YouTube channel sometime this year, but I want to be a boy on YouTube and want my followers to see a boy. When I think about being a biologist when I'm older, I think about being a male. When I think about boys that I like, I really only enjoy thinking about being intimate if I think of myself as a boy. It's weird. I feel like if I stayed a girl I'd regret it, but if I transferred to male, I'd regret that too.

I agree it sounds like what it is called "Being gender fluid." Being "Gender Fluid" is not something I am that familiar with to be able to give you any advice other than this.

Gender confusion is real. There are a number of different reason for it including this is the way you were born or how you may have been raised. You do not seem to be in the Transgender stage though it sounds like you might be heading in that direction and I agree until your sure you should not go there.

The best advise I have is to seek out a psychologist who specializes in gender confusion to help you find the real you. To start with you want a Board Certified Psychologist or Psychiatrist as these Doctors have specialized training and completed Fellow ships as well as passed specific test to obtain the Certification. This makes them the best qualified to help you.

It may be easy to find a doctor who specializes in the area as it is a relatively new area of expertise.. I would suggest you call your states local board of psychiatrist or psychologists for a referral. If they cannot offer a specific referral call a company called Magellan Health Services.

Magellan Health Services is one of the biggest providers of Mental Health services in the country. They may be able to find a doctor through their network of practitioners whose practice specializes in this area. The credential doctors, Nurse practioner's and other mental health providers.

This does not mean you are crazy. A mental health practioner are the best source of help for you to come to grips with your sexuality and gender confusion.


I'm a 16 year old girl and I've been thinking about options out of life for almost three years now. I keep finding things to hold on to and I try to look for the little miracles in life but it's getting harder. I'm honestly so sick of living with who I am and things seem to only go downhill. Last year in high school I had to deal with a lot of sexual harassment and was beaten and had someone forcibly remove my clothes in the school. I've always felt sad and upset before that incident, but after the constant torment last year my self esteem has plummeted and I just want to die. My parents don't understand why I'm so upset (especially because I have a loving family) and they make me feel bad for feeling these emotions which only hurts me further. I'm at my last breaking point and I'm not sure where to go from here. I don't want to die, but it feels like the only way out. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Before I answer this question I need for you to answer a question for me.

You are a registered user which means we can look back and see past questions you have written to us. This is helpful in answering your questions as it gives us a form of chronology of events in your life.

You wrote this question just before midnight on March 18. Just 12 hours earlier you write about looking forward to going to the prom with this one boy and talking to another.

What happened in that 12 hours to make you so depressed as to write to us with the problems you told us about at almost midnight? I would really like to know as it would help me tell you what you need to do to put things right with the second question.

Suicide is not the answer, it is the wrong solution to a problem that punish only you and not the people causing you to feel this way. I want to properly punish them within the limits of the laws, which are on your side, and help you feel better about yourself.

You can write me in a private message if you wish. Just follow the instructions how to do so.


I am 25 years old and dating a guy who is 35 years old. I love this guy I am dating for almost two years now and he loves me too. I feel like he is not very experienced but has been married for 8months and is now divorced so its not like he hasn't had any experience. I am a virgin and have never had sex yet I don't have any problem.
Every time we hug and Kiss( not french), I see a big large wet spot on his pants (a size of a subway cookie) LOL I am concerned because I want to know if this is an issue that I should be worried about. I just want him to be fine... I care for him a lot

If this happens every time you guys are intimate, non sexual style, then I would guess, since we are not doctors, that your guy has a problem called premature ejaculation (PE).

While there are many theory's for PE there no real medical cause as to the cause for PE. There are a number of different treatments and exercises that can be done as well as creams desensitize his penis to prolong coitus. Some work some don't.

The fact that you care for him a lot is good. The fact that you are a virgin make's it hard to offer a suggestion as to how to help him as in general the exercises require a willing partner. My only suggestion then is to as carefully as possible as so not to embarrass him suggest he see a doctor. There are doctors that specialize in the treatment of PE. Usually these doctors are Urologists.

If you think you will lose your virginity to this man it would be in your best interest to help him with this problem. It would be best that he start by consulting a doctor.


My dad died last week and I do not get along with my family, and this is something I've accepted for years now. From the outside, we looked like the perfect family, and everyone thinks I'm the sweetest, nicest, most perfect daughter. But in reality, I am the emotionally out of control black sheep in my family. I've never felt truly understood by them. At times in which I've felt suicidal throughout my life, they weren't there for me emotionally.Everyone keeps telling me how highly my dad spoke of me and how much he loved me, but all I can remember are our fights and horrible, hateful words toward each other, that most people who "know us so well" could never imagine. The two of us have had a very distant relationship since I'm 11 or 12. Now I'm 22. I have wonderful friends, thank god, who make me feel amazing but they live very far away. I feel totally and completely alone right now. Anyone who says things like, "blood is thicker than water.." and "family is everything" clearly can't know where I'm coming from, because honestly the most loving supportive people in my life are friends and teachers. Thankfully, I will be away from home next year. What can I do cope with this until then?

First my condolences on your loss.

I'm a little confused at what I'm reading. I see lot of anger here. Anger is one of the five stages of grief which is why I'm confused. Are you angry over losing your father or are you just plain angry at you family for the way you feel they have treated you.

I never got along with my father as he blamed me for whatever was wrong in his life. Nothing I could do about it except keep my distance from him when I realized there was nothing I could do about it. When he passed I did not suffer grief I was relieved.

You are right about "blood is being thicker than water" though it does not mean what you think it means. Good or bad they are your family and we do not get to choose them, it also does not mean we have to like them or even love them and I may just know a little about where you are coming from.

This all may straighten out in a year when you are away from them but that is too long to wait. Your friends are too far away to lean on for support. What you need is someone to lean on, who will support you, who will help you find the root cause of your anger, you may not realize the root cause, and help you channel it properly or it will follow you for the rest of your life.

The person best capable to do this for you and with you is a psychologist. If you are covered under moms health insurance or her employer has an EAP program you can see a psychologist under both programs. The psychologist is a person who can become that best friend you can tell your deepest secrets to confident that no one will ever hear them. With the help of the psychologist you will learn how to deal with your family and channel these feelings you have in a more constructive manner so that you don't feel as the "emotionally out of control black sheep in my family."



I'm not really sure how to express myself right now I just want to vent to someone to listen. I come from a loving family and could get whatever I possibly wanted. But I sometimes feel so sad that I am going no where in life I always feel everything is my fault. I care about people before i care about myself. I would kill myself to save another person. Growing up I can remember this would happen and I think it is getting worse. Whenever I do something wrong and I make someone angry I start hurting myself when I get in a fight with my boyfriend I start punching myself and pinching my arm I slap myself across the face and I tell myself how useless I am and how my mother should have never had me. Is this normal? I don't know if I want to express my feelings to my family about this. I don't want to be put into a physc place and I feel like if I say something people are going to think I'm dramatic. I just needed someone to vent to about this. No one knows about these. I often think about cutting myself but I don't think I have the courage to take something and cut myself with it. What's wrong with me?

No what you write about is not normal and we are not doctors so we cannot make a definitive diagnoses. You may be suffering a form of depression that has caused you to have a low self-esteem as well. This is called clinical depression and is generally caused by a hormone imbalance easily corrected with replacement hormones.

Now because these hormones are secreted into the part of the brain the control depression your family doctor may refer you to a psychiatrist to medicate you. This does not mean you're crazy the referral is because of the fact that the medication or hormones affected are secreted into the brain a psychiatrist is the best trained MD to medicate.

The hormone imbalance is only part of the problem. Something else triggered the anxiety, the suicidal thoughts and the other self harm thoughts you are having which all relate to the depression. For this you will most likely be referred to a psychologist for talk therapy. This is the person you are looking for. The person you can safely vent to with your most secret thoughts in the knowledge they go no further than the therapy session for they are confidential between you and the therapist.

My suggestion is as follows: First see your family Care Doctor for a complete physical while with the doctor ask to be screened for depression. Remember you are an adult now so everything between you and your doctor is confidential. The doctor needs written permission from you to share your medical information with anyone including your parents even if you are still on their medical insurance.

The physical is to rule out any organic problems for your problem. The screening for depression consists of the doctor asking you questions from which the doctor can make a diagnoses. Once the doctor made a diagnosis follow the doctor's instructions.

Should you feel suicidal or feel like you must hurt yourself in any manner before you see your doctor either call 911 for help or go to the nearest hospital emergency room for help.

There is o reason to suffer with whatever the problem is as help is just a phone call away. Statistically 1 in 3 of us will suffer from some form of depression in their lifetime. So this too is nothing to be ashamed of for as I said help is there for the asking. I know this for I could have written this letter before I asked for help for my depression.


Hi my parents finally found out that I want to be tested for being bipolar. It runs in my family and my emotions have been like a roller coaster since I was little. I'm kind of happy that I can get help, but Im scared. Like scared to the point were I would say I'm not going and wouldn't cooperate. And the thing is I don't know why! I've wanted help for so long but now that I can get it I'm terrified. I guess I'm afraid the medicine is going to change who I am and I've done some reasearch and the side effects are kinda bothersome to me. I dont know. Has any one ever been screened before for it and is now on the medication?

First and foremost nothing says you are bipolar. The fact that it runs in your family does not mean you will manifest this illness. In fact it is very possible that you will never manifest any symptoms of this illness as generation skipping is possible with this illness.

What is important is that you are knowledgeable that this illness is prevalent in your family and that you make your Primary Care Physician aware of this so he or she can monitor you. The testing for any mental illness is painless. Depending on your physician you will either be given a questionnaire to fill out and then have a conversation with the doctor or the doctor will simply ask you questions. Based on your answers, if you are being seen by your primary care doctor, he or she will make a diagnoses and then decide how and who should treat you.

If it is determined you are bipolar this illness is best treated by a psychiatrist along with a psychologist for talk therapy. The psychiatrist being a medical doctor can prescribe medication(s) and the psychologist will help you stay on medications through talk therapy.

The biggest problem with bipolar disorder is staying on your medication. For when you are on your medication you will feel normal and see no reason to take it. Then you go off your medication and see no reason to take it. Maybe not you personally but a typical person suffering with this disorder does have a problem being compliant with their medications. As long as you're living at home with your parents you have help being compliant.

As to the medications themselves. The psychiatrist will most like give you a couple of different medications based on your diagnoses. These drugs are antipsychotic medications and they affect every person differently. How they affect you is something you will have to be honest and tell your doctor so they can fine tune the medications to get the desired results and make you feel as normal as possible.

Be aware of the dangerous side effects and report any of them immediately to the doctor. Some of the more normal side effects will go away after a few weeks when your body gets accustomed to the medication. If your doctor doesn't ask you to do this then I suggest you keep a medication diary. Each day write in your diary exactly how you are feeling throughout the day. A good time to write in your diary would be at breakfast, lunch, dinner and before bed. Make sure to include how well you slept and how long you slept.

No I have not suffered with this disorder though a good friend of the family has. My wife also works in the mental health field and we are very close to several psychiatrists especially the one who treats our friends so we are somewhat knowledgeable of this disorder.

IF and that is a big if diagnosed with this disorder you can live a long healthy life by simply working with your medical professionals. Keeping the diary I suggested will help them help you. There is really nothing to be scared about. If you are by polar and from the little you wrote I would be surprised if you are. It is better to know then not know and get the proper treatment and learn to live with this disorder just as you would any other long term illness.


I have one coping skill and that is being on the computer. It is not healthy in other peoples opinion but I don't care. It is the only thing that helps me. I have tried everything else anyone has recommended but people are still telling me that being on the computer is not healthy. What do I do?

To truly answer your question I would need to know just what if anything you are trying to cope with. I would say as a general rule anything that helps you cope with something is not totally bad for you as long as it is not an addictive drug or alcohol.

That being said it has been found that the social networks on the web can become addictive. I would say if you can walk away and stay away from your computer when you have other things to do or you are not needing to cope with something. Then you are probably not addicted to your computer or the things that it can addict you two.

I too spend a lot of time on the computer during the day. I have never seen it as a coping skill more as way to pass the day and stay sane while my wife is at work. Maybe in the beginning it was a coping skill as I was forced to retire early having become disabled in a work related accident. Not being prepared to retire I needed something to occupy my mind and I found it on sites like this and other things of interest to me. Being active and working since I was 16 I needed something to do or I would have gone nuts.

When my wife comes home the computer generally gets turned off or she has things that I need to do for her on the computer; pay bills, look up recipes, order thinks to be delivers and other things. Once that's done the computer is turned off until the next day. Yes I have a tablet and a smartphone we both do and we both check emails during the evening.

If that's coping then I'm guilty too, though we all need to cope with something in some way. As long as you realize this is just away of coping and nothing more. That you can walk away from the computer when you want too I would not worry.


Hi! I'm a 14-year-old girl and I've been feeling really weird lately. Everything that I'm about to list has been going on for about a month now: I cry over EVERYTHING. For example: My dad said to stop playing guitar because I was too loud and he was trying to work so I went to my room and cried. I've been really irritable as well. I do have a generally short fuse but now it's even worse; I've even been going off on my parents occasionally (which I feel terrible about afterward). My little sister even decided not to share a bedroom with me because I was constantly yelling. I've been eating and sleeping way more as well. I had a relatively healthy diet in the past, but now I get home from school and eat a bag of popcorn, a pop tart, crackers, chocolate, and anything else I can get my hands on. I get super drowsy and just kind of lay down wherever I am whether that be the floor, a chair, a bed. I'm wide awake throughout the day but I get home and it's like school drained me of my life. I use to really like school. I don't like a lot of things that I use to like. I'm openly rude to all of my friends and I don't want to be around them. I sit in the bathroom and read during lunch periods sometimes. Speaking of reading, I only feel okay when I'm reading or on my blog. What's wrong with me??

Relax your normal it is called Puberty. What your going through is battling all the changes affecting your body because of all the new hormones floating in your body. Sometimes Puberty will call what doctors now describe as teenage depression and while you write of some of the symptom of teenage depression you do not write of all of them.

What I suggest is that you make an appointment with your family doctor for a complete physical. Doing so will rule out any organic reason for why you feel this way. While you are with the doctor ask to be screened for depression. This is a simple test where the doctor will ask you a number of questions. Your answers will allow the doctor to make a diagnoses.

Whether you are diagnosed with teenage depression or not there is medication the doctor can give you to make going through puberty a lot easier on you and your family.

As I said in the beginning; based on what you have written and my advanced years as a parent and hopefully future grandparent. You are most likely suffering problems of puberty which is normal for your age. See your doctor for help with this problem.


Since past 2 months, I have encountered difficult in breathing, fast heartbeat especially reach 11pm.I have encountered few times, awoke from sleeping and cant breath (just feel like dying). I tried to lie down, sit or stand but it just cant help. I feel like I am losing my breath in next second.This cause me worry when to night time. Hope can get advise, I am desperately looking for help.Thanks.

As we always say here, none of us are doctors. I have been a first responder with a Fire Department Rescue Squad. The fact that this is happening on a regular basis is disturbing and needs to be checked by a Cardiologist. The list of possible reasons start with anxiety and include a host of other problems.

Trouble breathing and a rapid heart rate at any time qualify as an emergency, even if you know they have self-corrected in the past, you should dial 911 and go to the hospital while it is happening. This gives the doctors the best chance of accurately diagnosing the problem if they can see it while it is happening. The paramedics can also do an EKG in the field while they are taking you to the hospital which also gives the doctors information they may not get if you have self-corrected before getting to the hospital.

Just how worry some or dangerous is this problem. As I said I'm not a doctor or am I a paramedic. If I was the first responder to respond to your 911 call though I would recommend strongly that you allow the paramedics, who are following me, to take your to the hospital when they arrive.

If you have insurance the cost of everything will be covered. If you do not have insurance you won't be turned away there are programs available to cover the costs. You are someone that needs to be seen at a hospital. Don't let how to pay cause you not to call 911. Payment is secondary to life saving and there are programs to cover the costs if you cannot pay.


What is the side effect of xasten

You should check with your doctor immediately if any of these side effects occur when taking dexamethasone:
More common •Aggression
•blurred vision
•decrease in the amount of urine
•fast, slow, pounding, or irregular heartbeat or pulse
•mental depression
•mood changes
•noisy, rattling breathing
•numbness or tingling in the arms or legs
•pounding in the ears
•shortness of breath
•swelling of the fingers, hands, feet, or lower legs
•trouble thinking, speaking, or walking
•troubled breathing at rest
•weight gain


I am turning here for advice or maybe someone is dealing with a similar situation. My son is 8. At 1 - 3 years old we were dealing with him not playing much with toys he'd walk or crawl down a hall way and bang his head against the wall. During pregnancy one concern was down syndrome which was negative. He has alternating esotropia in his eyes messing both eyes are good one a little strong then the other but he only uses one eye at a time. He wears bifocals. He also has the skin between his eyes is flat instead of tucking in. He is taller than normal kids but his dad is pretty tall my son is 4 '11 at last visit a few months ago. He is pretty smart in school. He still doesn't really play with toys he likes video games reading chapter books and riding his bike he doesn't make a lot of friends he is usually okay when he's on meds ( Celexa and geodone) main problem right now is when. He wants to do something and u tell him no its a huge melt down swearing Frick or people are jerks. Also if there are several people in a room and more than one person talking he starts to have a melt down. His neuro doctor says he may be having grand mull sizeures but hard to diagnose. He has head aches alot the eye doctor says it's not because of his eyes

We are not doctors and we cannot make any diagnoses.

While am no expert with these sort of things it sounds like he may be Autistic. Age three is about the right age for this to manifest itself. I'm wondering, since you did not say if you have had him diagnosed for this if he may have been misdiagnosed. I am also wondering why an eight year old is on an antidepressant drug as well as a drug used to treat schizophrenia and manic symptoms of bipolar disorder. Have you ever questions why your son is on these drugs, neither of which is an anti-seizure drug.

The only thing I can suggest is you try finding new doctors and have him reevaluated as he may have been misdiagnosed by his current doctors. I would start by finding the closest Children's Hospital and calling the patient referral line. Tell them about your son and let then refer you to staff doctors and set the initial appointments. If the hospital is too far to travel to they may be able to refer you to specialists in your area.

If you would like to write me a private message and tell me what city and state you live in I would be glad to help you find a Children's hospital. Two of the best that treat all comers are the Shriners Hospital for Children and the Children's National Medical Center in Washington DC.


I'm a 14 year old female with depression and anxiety. I'm a freshman in high school, but I'm homeschooled due to the mental illnesses. Well, I have NO friends. The only interaction I really have is with my family. I probably only go outside once or twice a week. All I really do is play video games, read, surf the internet, do my schoolwork, or other little activities. I love going outside as long as it isn't hot, but I'm just too depressed and anxious. Is there something wrong with me? I go to a therapist every week. I just feel like I'm worthless and not going anywhere since I stay in my room 23 hours of the day, on the internet for like half of that time. I just feel worthless. It's not like I'm a lazy bum who doesn't do anything with their life, I just am majorly depressed and scared to leave my house. I'm still in school and learn a lot though.

First you are or should be aware we are not doctors and cannot make a medical judgment.

As to what is normal; everyone's normal is different. For someone who is homeschooled you life would appear normal as you lack the social life that comes along with a public school education.

I would hope your illness is being managed by a psychiatrist as well as a psychologist. Talk therapy is great if you are compliant. By this I mean are you telling your therapist what you have told us. Remember your therapist is there to help you to be on your side and to be your best friend someone you can share your secrets with knowing that they go no further. You have complete confidentiality with your therapist or psychiatrist. Nothing you say gets back to your parents.

When they speak to your parents, if they do and hopefully they do. What they say to them is how to help you with suggestions as to what can be done at home. Of course these suggestions are based on the information you have shared with them but your parents are never told what you say.

If you are not seeing a psychiatrist for your depression and anxiety you need too. A Board Certified Psychiatrist is the best person trained to help with these illnesses. Anxiety is actually a bye product of depression. When you control one you also control the other.

Having suffered with depression myself I know how you feel. Depression causes pain, pain causes anxiety, anxiety cause more depression. You need to break the cycle and this is where the psychiatrist comes in. There are medications they are aware of that can help that a Family doctor is just not trained to deal with and a non-Board Certified psychiatrist may not be trained in.

My suggestion is this. If you are not seeing a psychiatrist you need to see one and it should be a Board Certified Psychiatrist. If you are seeing non-Board Certified psychiatrist and still suffering as you are you need to change doctors. You also need to be completely open with your therapist. If you're not comfortable with your therapist then it absolutely appropriate to find someone you are comfortable with.

Most important is to talk with your parents and advocate for yourself. Tell them if your are not comfortable with a doctor or therapist. Your the one in treatment and you are the one who has to be comfortable with the doctors and therapist if you are to get better.


my life wasn't necessarily better. but i was never depressed, though sometimes i got a bit sad. and i always had straight As. things changed around the time i turned 13 or 14. i don't get how it could be puberty, when i had my period at like.. 10. and school wasn't necessarily super difficult. and yet i had a horrible time in high school. i started college and had to take a break because i still couldn't overcome my past to focus on my future. i have dreams and everything i want to chase, but while in the past, i'd be that one kid who always went OVERBOARD on a school project, and was able to get myself to do it on time and everything, now the most difficult part is getting the motivation to go all the way through and not get distracted by the internet. it's not that i wasn't frequently on the internet at a young age, i was, but it was easier for me to switch that off and do the work. now it's like.. i have so much hatred for myself that i won't even let myself do the great work i'm capable of to get into my dream school or get that A+ due to the essay being given in on time, and etc. i mean.. i feel a lot of my depression happened because my social life was pretty much dead in high school, but i didn't have much more of a social life when i was younger and i was still optimistic for the future. i used to even read all the time, and now, i haven't read a book for fun in months. i have a goodreads account with hundreds of books but i feel now i dont even have the time to get into that because i have other responsibilities i'm neglecting. i mean.. i don't think it's just laziness because with other things i go beyond normal. at work, although i'm working on my tardiness, i always go extra. i'm normally one of the earliest to arrive and one of the latest to leave. and when i say i'm early and late i mean like i could come even earlier than necessary, to get extra pay, cause my hours are flexible. but once a counselor just said it was laziness and i found it offensive because that is not my situation. i can't turn in an assignment that's crap. i'm that one who takes the group project by the reigns when i feel others aren't doing enough work for our shared grade. it's ironic, because i'm actually better at committing to things like group projects and work because they involve other people, and even if they're not my friends, i don't want responsibility for failing others. with me however.. it's so difficult for me to write college application essays. excuse my grammar here, i'm actually a good, detailed writer, but i'm just letting my thoughts flow out naturally, here. i've had bad experiences with therapists so i thought maybe some peers here would be more helpful, as i don't really have friends to confide such info to, who could really help me. anyways, i feel like self-promotion is a bit vain so it's so hard to write about myself, when i have to. i just hate how inefficient as a person i've become. i used to be so strong and now like i don't even understand why i sabotage myself. if i want friends i'm not helping matters if i'm not in college. if i want my dream job i'm not helping matters if i'm not doing well at college. etc. how do i commit to doing good things in the long run, instead of maybe trying it one day and giving up the next? it's not right that i feel i'd have been a better college student at 12 than now at 19. mentally, i think that it's fine i dont have a boyfriend or anything now, it's totally not important right now, but dumb things do get to me unfortunately, as i'm human. but being human isn't just about being weak. it's also about being strong. so i should be able to not let such things get in my way or make me feel bad about myself to self-sabotage just because i have made mistakes in the past, and have some regrets. i can't change the past, so regrets are useless. and nobody's perfect, and i don't seek perfection, but i seek being the best i can be, and i know now that i'm currently not at my best.. sorry for the repetition. but yeah. i really hope you can help, i'll read any genuine help

Puberty can last well into your early twenties. As to why people may blame things on puberty; it is because the hormones released by puberty effect every one differently. At one time, not all that long ago may two generations, we thought children having trouble with puberty such as what you right about and other things. Was a phase they were going through and they would grow out of it. Most children did others did not. You may be among the others.

Doctors, and I am not a doctor, now know that this phase is not a phase but actually a medical problem they can help with. Sometimes the hormones released by puberty are not balanced causing an imbalance in the area of the two hormones that hope us cope with much of what keeps us from getting depresses. Teenagers especially females have a lot to cope with given everything that changes in their world.

In general a teenager has to deal with more responsibility both at home as more is expected of you as you are no longer consider a child. Your social life changes as does how you attend school. If you’re a girl you also have to cope with the changes your body goes through and boys with roving hands. This is a lot to deal with and add to these insufficient hormones that help you cope or an imbalance with these hormones and you get depressed.

Now since I am not a doctor I cannot make that diagnoses though it sounds like you may be from what you have written. It is easy enough to find out and it is painless. Make an appointment with your family doctor for a complete physical. The doctor will want to do one anyway once you tell the doctor you want to be screened for depression. The screening consists of questions the doctor will ask you while completing the physical. The physical itself is to rule out any organic problems for how you feel.

Once the doctor makes a diagnoses a simple pill once a day for maybe a year or two along with some talk therapy to help you understand what has happened and to put yourself back on track, may be all that is needed.

Should I be correct in my assumption underneath all the gloom you have written is that person you remember and want to get back to being? I also agree with the previous writer that you are being way too hard on yourself. It is okay to get the occasional B or B+. You need time to have a social life and to make friends. If you need advice as to how to make friends write back to me and I will give you some suggestions.

In the meantime try adopting my motto; "The only person I need to be better than tomorrow is the person I am today" In other words stop competing with other and compete only with yourself. For me I used this motto in my work and it meant that I wanted to learn something new each day to help me help my customers so I could grow my business.



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