I'm 20, female, straight. i cant connect with the opposite sex! I'm at that age where i want to find my life long partner, settle down and have kids with in the future, however, i just don't connect with any male in that way, i just don't find any sexual attraction, even if i really want there to be. Is there something wrong with me? As a child i always had low self esteem, plus I'm not exactly the prettiest girl,any male i have like would always be after my best friend of the time.. I've grown sort of use to this now, as its a joke how many times it has happened. I also had undiagnosed ptsd, i don't know, but could it be anxiety? Or maybe I'm just not meant to find someone. I just need advice, or if anyone could just help me see from a different angle that would be great!

The problem with our species is we are prone to physical attraction before we get to know someone's inner beauty and inner qualities. The problem with this is you wake up one day and find out there is more to life than just sex that you actually need to talk. That is when you find out you have nothing in common.

The best way to have a serious relationship with someone is to become friends with them first and lovers second. Most of us do it backwards and become lovers first and then try to become friends second. My wife and I became friends long before we ever met. We worked for the same airline. I worked at the airport and she worked at departure control in the city reservation office. I had to speak with her every day.

Then I had to go the city for training and we met. I won't deny there was a physical attraction as I saw her before we were introduced. My wife was one of the prettier girls there. Then she was introduced and I saw her in an entire different light not just as a sex object. That was 45 years ago and we will be married 44 years come next month.

Our jobs brought us together. There are ways outside of work to meet people and become friends first. What I'm about to tell you works if you're just looking to make friends in a new city or if you need a way to overcome shyness to meet people.

Sit down with pencil and paper and make a list of all the things you like to do. Cooking, baking, hiking, bowling camping, Art, nature walks, bird watching. What ever it is you like to do maybe it is debating, photography or scrapbooking. Make a list of what it is you like to do outside of work.

Once you have your list number them in order of importance to you. Then take the top 5 and look to see what clubs or activities there are in your area for these things. Go to the club meeting, if affordable attend the activities. Listen to the conversation and add relevant things you may have knowledge of when you can.

Before you know it you're included in the conversation. This will lead to someone asking you to coffee to continue the conversation. Coffee leads to a date as the inner beauty come out as you get to know one another. Like anything else dating is work. You get out what you put into it.


My psychiatrist and a neuropsychologist, after showing I have chronic anxiety and ADD, suggested having a trial of Lexapro to help manage the anxiety. I am open to trying a medication out for some time, but I am really worried of the possibility of it making me feel emotionally numb. Any knowledge or thoughts on this?

Lexapro is an antidepressant drug. The side effects of this type of drug are not what you may be thinking. This drug in combination with other drugs given for severe depression such as manic depression or schizophrenia are what I believe you are thinking.

I have been on an antidepressant for clinical depression. Anxiety is part of the depression cycle. While you may not be clinically depressed, as I was, this drug may be better than a tranquilizer to help with the anxiety. Most tranquilizers will make you feel numb or zoned out which is why I believe the doctors chose this drug for you.

Some of the more common side effects of Lexapro are, short term, meaning at first while it builds in your system; Headache, dry mouth, stomach problems and maybe some drowsiness.

I experienced only the dry mouth and that may also be due to other drugs I take for chronic pain. Since I no longer take the antidepressant but still suffer from dry mouth. Just carry a bottle of water with you. Some long term side effects are sleep problems and lower sex drive.

I actually slept better once the medication took full effect and there was no real change to our sex life.

While I am not a doctor my wife works in the mental health field with the doctors and nurse so medications and different treatments are the topic of discussion at our dinner table. Lexapro is good medication prescribed by many doctors. As with any medication each patient will have different experiences with them. You may very well be like me and experience little or no side effects. IF you do experience any side effects and you find them bothersome speak with your doctor. Call the doctor do not wait for your next scheduled appointment. The doctor may be willing to change your medication without waiting to the next appointment.

Most import with this medication is to take it daily as directed and to try and take it each day at the same time.


No one has seen me cry. I've always acted tough, happy, and confident. But I'm actually weak, depresses and insecure. I hate myself so much and i hate life and see no future for me and no one cares if i commit suicide my parents hate me. I'm addicted to cutting. Fucking addicted. I can't harm my insecurities or depression but i can harm my worst enemy, myself. I want to die and let go of the pain and suffering and enter peace. Here's what i think will happen if i die:
Doctor: she's dead.
Parents: more money for us then!
Sister: fuck yeah!
School: omg i thought she'd never slit her wrists!
Friends: ok good i won't have to deal with that whiny pussy

So what is a way to commit suicide where you will definitely die or even if you do survive you won't get any brain damage or something.

From what I am reading I hear the depression talking. Your parents do not hate you. They may not like the way your acting and may not understand why you are acting the way you are. But they do love you as a parent I know that to be true.

Right now everything you see and feel is distorted by the depression. At your present age the depression you may be having is in part caused by puberty and the doctors even have a name for it, “Teenage depression". At one time parents thought this was just a phase children went through and grow out of. Most do some do not. Now doctors know better and know how to help teenagers suffering from "Teenage Depression."

What you can do is ask mom or dad to take you to your family doctor and ask the doctor to screen you for depression. It is a painless exam that consists of a bunch of questions. The doctor will most likely want to do a full physical as well to rule out any other reason. Once the doctor has made a diagnoses follow the doctors’ instructions.

If your parents will not take you to the doctor and you are feeling suicidal pick up the phone and call 911. Tell the call taker you feel like hurting yourself or feeling suicidal. The call taker will stay on the phone with you and dispatch help. The help comes in the form of the closest fire truck, paramedic ambulance and a police car.

The police are there to make sure your parents allow the firefighters and paramedics get to see you and evaluate your need to see a doctor. The paramedics will ask you the same questions the doctor would have and then based on your answers decide if you need to go to the emergency room. If so the police will see to it that mom or dad does not stand in the way. They are all there to help you.

Having once been where you are now I can tell you once the vial of depression is lifted the world will look different.

My advice is to see a doctor or call 911. You can also go to any police or fire station and ask for help yourself as well as any hospital emergency room. You do not need parental permission for any of this.


I am a young adult that does not feel independent because I still live with my parent. I am a young adult that took 3 years to graduate from a community college. I only had two summer jobs(one this summer) and I compare myself to others and sometimes I feel behind. Although I am a good student, I feel that I lack what I should have which is independence. My plan to obtain imdependence was to leave home and go away to college. But, after spending 3 years at a community college, I have to spend 3 more years at a 4 year university. I feel like I failed myself and I am worried about the expense of college for the next 3 years. I just need a positive perspective because right now, I just feel overwhelmed and caught in my emotions.

Taking three years to graduate a community college is not a failure it is a success. Today the norm for all school of higher education is a year or more longer to graduate as our high schools are not properly preparing our children for college properly, even the good students.

Then their are people like my son thought he wanted one career and in mid schooling changed his career choice which required an extra year of schooling as not all the prerequisite courses in his first choice were acceptable in his second choice. TO day he has a degree in Emergency Medicine and is a Paramedic/Firefighter. There are at least 12 people that I know of that are alive today because he did not let that extra year of school bother him and he was their paramedic.

If you must go to an extra year of school to complete your education at the four year school you will be in good company. As many of their students will be joining you as they spent their first year review in and or learning what the did not get in high school.

As to the expense of College or University. This is unfortunate that our young people leave school saddled in debt equal to that of the cost of some houses. This is where we as a society have let our young people down. In many countries higher education is at public cost. Where students share the cost some of the required ancillary courses our schools require are not required which lower the cost of schooling.

All of what you are concerned with adds up to what it costs today to get the education you need so that you can have a good, independent life. Get a job that is both fulfilling and allows for a comfortable lifestyle for you and a family.

Are you wrong to be concerned; no. To be paralyzed by fear of these things would be wrong. This unfortunately is what it costs to get the education you need to have a better life than you parents have. This is the American dream.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by all of this I suggest you find a good psychologist that you can talk with who will help you put all of this in its proper perspective. I agree it can be overwhelming especially if you internalize it. A psychologist will help you deal with it in a helpful way that is confidential between you and the psychologist.


I feel like I'd be a better person if I lived on a deserted island. I want to eat healthier, exercise more, clean the house more, etc. but I don't want to get fit for approval of the same jerks who devalued me when I was overweight, and I don't want my parents to think I'm a better person just because I clean the house more often. I feel I'm of the same value whether I'm in a state of depression or everything is going my way, and I feel equal to other people. When my parents compare me with my cousins or those "homeless to Harvard" stories it makes me angry. I'm currently on a break from college and people say it's great to go to college so you can make more money, numerous people have said variants of this to me, and it pisses me off because I'm genuinely into learning and improving the world, that is my motivation, not just money. I can't just motivate myself to do anything just for money, the thought of that makes me feel suicidal, just to spite that kind of mentality. I've never been a partier. I'm 20 and I haven't been invited to a birthday party with my peers since I was 14 or 15. I've had a lot of internal struggles and it's annoying when people just say it's laziness, because when I feel enough self worth to give work my best effort, I put more effort into it than others, by a long shot. But as I've grown older, and my self esteem has been chipped and chipped away, it's been hard to find that self drive, and the added pressure from my parents, on why i'm not like their ideal child, doing what they want me to do, makes things worse. I'm envious of people who say they've always felt loved and supported by their parents even when they've struggled and even when they sought careers that weren't in medicine, but still were in demand. I've never been a wild child, my sibling in elementary school has been invited to more birthdays than I have in my entire life. I've never done drugs, have never gotten drunk, don't bully others, etc. I had it rough in high school, especially when my family moved to a new town my soph year, and i feel like i've finally been able to mostly move on but when addressing the past with honesty, my mom tries to put the blame on me, like maybe something was wrong with me that people didn't want to hang out with me and it's so messed up because i was literally nice to everyone, every single person, it was just difficult due to a culture clash and that my interests varied from most other students in that area. i removed myself entirely from social media and my phone rings so little i barely recognize my own ringtone. i have childhood friends i havent spoken to in a while and its just difficult cause everyone is in college now and im far away and not currently in school and i don't know what to talk about or how to relate now that our lives are so different. part of me doesn't even want to interact, i want to work on myself, but i want to do it without it being "sad", like my parents thinking something is wrong with me for not going to the mall with a friend. i mean its not like i've ever really rejected invites, i just don't get the invites, does that mean i should drop dead or i can't find things i individually can be enriched by? with the weight thing i dont want my people to think im doing it for that same BS approval. i feel like other people judge me a lot and it's annoying, i just want to get myself back on my feet so i can go back to school and be able to be successful and do the career i love. i think not having much of a social life could even be beneficial as a worker, the problem is just being able to believe that even in spite of the attitude given by the majority of people, that popular things are cooler, that if you're not living the normal way you are messed up, and etc. im taking time off to add to my resume so i can apply to a better school, and with acceptance then i'll work with them on what community college credits will count and what wont, so it's annoyin when people just say to just go to community college now when every school has its own standards. but i work, do a lot of volunteering, and focus on other hobbies, too. im just struggling in finding confidence and self worth in my decisions, decisions that seem good in my head but in reality, surrounded by parents, aunts, uncles, other peers, etc i just feel overwhelmed and i know it's really dumb since i'm 20 and not a child anymore, but these are my real feelings. i don't normally spill everything on here but i really don't have anyone i can just talk to like this without fear, i hope someone here can relate. and i promise i can type better than this, my words are just flowing. i really appreciate any help

I can identify with some of what you have written. IT took a while and a stint in the Air Force to prove something to myself. When it did I finally decided that I don't have to prove anything to anyone but myself. In fact the only person I have to be better than is myself. To do that I came up with the following motto this has stood the test of time for me.

"The only person I have to be better than tomorrow is the person I am today." What this means to me, especially as work ethic was I needed to learn something new each day.

Before I retired I was a District Sales Manager. In Sales the motivational tool used by management was money. Make the sale make the money. I was never concerned about making a sale or writing an order. If I didn't write an order today I'd write 2 or 3 the next day. I needed to learn something new today that would help me or help me help my customers.

Management never understood me. Then again they never worried about me either for my sales number was always in the top 5% of the company. By making myself a better person each day, by learning something new that would help me grow as an individual and a professional was important to me and key to my success in life.

I am also very fortunate to have a wife who understands and supports my need to grow in this manner. I'm certain you will find someone like my wife who will support you in the same way so that you will have someone to talk to when you need to.

You may use my motto is you wish for you are right in what you say; that you not anyone else must believe in yourself, I'm paraphrasing what you said. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first and not worrying or believing what others may think or feel. What is important is that you are successful and happy.


Writing this was actually harder than I thought. My fingers feel almost too heavy just like my entire body. I just... I guess I feel lifeless. Nothing has been mattering to me lately - grades, social life, hygyene, health... nothing. But other times I feel like I'm on top of the world. I'm tired of these moodswings, I just want them to go away. I want everything to go away - so much violence, so much hurt, so much stress, so much failure. I feel like crying right now but I wont. My roommate is sitting right in front of me and I don't want to explain why I'm crying. She's on a completely different level. On a "high of sugar" apparently. I envy her and her happy-go-lucky attitude. Nothing seems to weigh her down. But I'm not like that. I break easily. I get hurt easily. I don't say or show it often, but I do. I should probably stop before I cry. I feel pretty stupid when I cry, which makes me cry even more, and it turns into a vicious cycle. Right now I'm venting instead of telling my problem, but that's it: I don't know what it is. I wonder, would anyone even miss me? I get ignored quite a lot, like today when a friend invited me to hang over, but instead I ended up trying to pretend I was playing with my pone because they were too busy in their conversation. I don't go out a lot. I used to be skinny and I'm gaining weight. I changed from Geology to English just because I can't do math as well as other people. My family is a mess and I can't stand my own father. I used to be in karate last semester but I dropped out this semester and now I feel even more worthless than before... I just... I feel like I could just... disappear and it wouldn't matter, because I'm insignificant. In this big world I'm just another girl, and I'm tired of pretending around others. When I ask others "what should I do?" I get responses that are as superficial as a Barbie doll, so I came to this site hoping that I can get over this... I hate feeling like this.

I'm not a doctor none of are so we cannot make any type of diagnoses. From what you have written it sounds a bit like you could be suffering from bipolar disorder or something very close to it. You definitely sound depressed which is part of the bipolar disorder as well as the stress you say your under.

depression is a cycle type problem as the depression causes pain and the pain causes depression. The difference with clinical depression and bipolar disorder which is a form of depression is you cycle from feeling good, the high, the feeling really bad, the low.

What I suggest is you go to the campus health center and ask to be screened for depression and bipolar disorder. Do I believe you are suffering from bipolar disorder I truly can't say a doctor will have to make that diagnoses. I don't think you are bipolar as there are other symptoms you have not mentioned. But you have hit upon many of the symptoms for clinical depression. Which ones diagnosed is easily fixed.

Young people, especially teenagers in the early stages of puberty and those in the first years of college do find themselves suffering unknowingly from depression and they do not have to. This is a problem that is brought on by the stressors of change and added expectations.

By going and being properly diagnosed a doctor can offer you help.


so ive been suffering depression for over seven years. im just about at the point where i CAN NOT stand it anymore. the emotional pain has gotten so bad throughout the years where it is now physical pain as well. and this is every fucking day. nothing makes me happy. not one single thing. i fake smiles and laughs everyday so no one will worry about me, but inside im depressed, broken, miserable, pained, etc all the damn time. ive done EVERYTHING to try to help myself: mental hospitals, residentials, psychiatrists, counselors, mentors, different medications, getting out of the house... NOTHING will fix me. like i am not happy, and i am so fucking suicidal. everyday i want to kill myself. and im so close to overdosing, and i know a kind of pill that WILL kill me if i take enough. i cant take this sharp pain anymore. i cant take wanting to die each day anymore. dont i have the right to end my own life now?

and please dont tell me to get help, ive been getting help constantly for over 7 years. it has never worked and will never work.

I have suffered from clinical depression so I know a bit about how you are feeling. What I do not understand is why with 7 years of professional help you are not feeling or getting any better.

I can think of only three reasons why you are not getting any better.

1. You are not seeing the right clinician or the clinician has not gained your trust enough to be successful.

2. You are not working with hard enough maybe because you do not trust your therapist.

3. You are not compliant with any medications you are taking or should be taking.

I too suffered with Clinical depression for a long time before I sought help. When I did I sought the help of a Board Certified Psychiatrist and a Psychologist. The Psychiatrist provided medication and worked with my psychologist to monitor my progress in talk therapy.

The primary cause of CLINICAL DEPRESSION is hormonal in nature. Meaning that certain hormones secreted into the brain are insufficient to control depression. The antidepressant generally is the generally prescribed medication as a replacement hormone for what is lacking or insufficient within the brain where it is secreted.

Yes at first you feel a bit fuzzy but after the medication takes hold and your body becomes accustomed to it you feel better and less fuzzy. There can be some side effects to these medications and if they are bothersome you speak to your psychiatrist about a different medication or different dosage.

Why a Board Certified Psychiatrist? This is a medical doctor who has had specialized training in a fellowship to deal with this type of problem. Your family doctor has not had this training and in some states a doctor who did a psychiatry round as part of his or her residency is allowed to practice psychiatry. This does not make them the best doctors to help us.

For talk therapy a psychologist is the best person to work with. Depression in people your age starts in puberty for as I said it is hormonal in nature and it is during puberty that your hormones get all mixed up. Also stress is a big factor. Puberty is very stressful on females especially. Put these all together and you have what is now diagnosed as teenage depression, a form of clinical depression.

I cannot say from the information you have provided why you are still suffering. I also am not a doctor. It is quite possible that by not seeing the right doctors you have not been properly diagnosed and treated. You need to give the right doctors another chance.

Suicide is not an option it is the wrong solution. I am living proof that the proper help works. You may need to find a new therapist, one you can trust. Possibly a female someone you can talk to. I'm a guy but I found working with a female psychologist very helpful.

Depression has a cycle. Depression causes pain, pain causes depression. You need to break that cycle. Until you get to the root cause you won't break the cycle. My therapist saw something and continued to chip away until I gave in. It was something so deeply hidden by me that I didn't even realize I remembered it until one day in a therapy session it all came tumbling out. Once it did she helped me put it in its proper perspective and it is no longer hidden. I deal with it. Its in the past.

Give yourself a chance with the right doctors. Life is worth living. IF after reading this you still feel suicidal call 911.


Im no going to say my age because it shouldn't matter. But I can't talk to my mom about my problems because she has her own to worry about, on top of looking after 3 children on her own.
I've been having problems with my chest and sometimes my breathing but my mom thinks it's heartburn but I have also been getting moments when my body get weak and I know I do have serious menatl health problem but never got tested properly........

My dad died when I was twelve and I haven't been coping to well, I told my dad everything about how I was feeling and what was bothering me, now I can't talk to anyone about how I'm actually feeling because no one in my school would understand and I can't talk to my family because it would upset them and I don't feel comfortable talking about my feeling to them or even anyone.

I would be lying if I said I never taught about suicide or self-harming, I guess that's why I'm on here. I heard that if you went to hospital or even the cops and told them you were going to commit suicide that they would have to keep you in hospital for 72 hours, but if I were to do that what would I say exactly and how would I do it without my family finding out? And what would be the best excuse to tell them where I'm going besides a friends house?

I am old enough to be your grandfather so I will try and give you advice as if you were my grandchild.

The first thing you need to know is never try to think what problems or worries parents have and how they may affect you. No matter what other problems or worries we may have our children always come first and I'm sure your mom and the rest of your family feel the same way. Your dad passing away may have put an extra burden on you mother , it did not change her priorities or to see to it her children are healthy.

You say mom thinks your problem with your chest is heartburn. I'm not a doctor though I have been a first responder with a fire department. Heartburn generally does not associate with breathing problems. If you are having breathing problems this is considered a life threatening event, one which means you should call 911 for help. The medic on the ambulance will tell you if you need to go to the hospital and be treated.

While you are at the hospital you can tell the doctor about the mental problems you are having. The 72 hour mandatory stay is for those people who are involuntarily brought to the hospital by police or sent by the courts.

If you go to the hospital on your own a mandatory stay is up to the doctors. Most patients are sent home with medication and appointments for treatment in the clinic.

If you are having trouble breathing or feel you might hurt yourself you do not need parental permission to call for help. Pick up a phone and dial 911. Tell the call taker what is bothering you and the proper help will be sent to you.

Part of the worries you belief mom has of her own include you and your siblings. all parents worry about their children. My son is nearly 40 years old. I still worry about him. Today I worry about him because he has a dangerous but very needed occupation. He is a firefighter/paramedic and it is through him that I know if you call 911 someone like my son will respond and take good care of you.


So I have been married to my husband for 6 years together for almost 10 years. It is safe to say him and I have more or less come to a mostly great way of living our lives together. We understand each others faults and know how to deal with them (for the most part). We discuss every problem we have thoroughly and are very open. I love him very much!
Now I haven't had a really good friend who is female in a very long time. Now I started to feel a very strong connection with a girl and I considered her my best friend. She is 19 and is fairly naive (not to mention she broke up with her manipulative boyfriend a few months ago). She has also been very good friends with my husband to the point where he would consider her his best friend to.
Her and my husband have started to have a hard time communicating lately. It often seems like she is hostile to him. There is a reason that she started acting this way but that is too long a story. One day she starts in on me about how he is manipulating me into certain things and frankly insulted his fathering skills (we have two children). She said she is my best friend and can see that he is hurting me because she lives with us (before this altercation she wasn't home at all that week). I looked at her and calmly said she was judging our relationship and I did not appreciate it. She said she didn't think she was. She learned her lesson that her opinion was not necessary. I told her that I have been with him for ten years and I don't think I should have to defend our relationship to her especially when she really knows very little about us. I have dealt with defending this relationship to my whole family and my past best friend. I got to the point with my ex best friend that I could no longer defend my relationship to her and things were never the same. I thought she knew us a lot better than she showed me that day and that kinda crushed me. I learned I cant talk to anyone in depth about my feelings with anyone but my husband because they will all end up judging us in the end.
So here is the real problem. Ever since this occurred I have had horrible anxiety and depression off and on. I have determined I am having these issues because I am scared not only of her judging me but that everyone around me is also judging me. I have been having problems not being confident in my relationship with my husband. I have been feeling like we aren't communicating well right now. Like I am seeing those little things I have grown to live with and sometimes to love in him. She screwed with my confidence and I am often scared to talk in front of others...scared to be judged or that I will say something stupid. I am trying very hard to not feel and act this way and sometimes it works but I am sick of this pain in my chest from the anxiety and sick of double guessing things I say and do. Please help me fix this before I have to kick her out of my house for bringing me so much negativity.

First: Get that child-women out of your house. She is not only ungrateful she is toxic to your relationship with your husband.

Second: I do see the need for therapy but only to find out why or what other people see in your relationship with your husband you do not. If you are truly happy in your relationship that is one thing. But it sounds a bit as is you have accustomed yourself to living by his set of rules or standards. This is not fine. Marriage is a 50/50 deal. Each gives some to each other and learns to live together and when children come along they work as a team.

I am not saying anything is wrong in your marriage. In my marriage my wife is my best friend and as much as I ask her not to she always will put me first unless it has something to do with our son. Then he comes first and that is the way it should be or at least it is how I feel it should be.

If your husband is working and his company supplies health insurance. It is a good bet they also have an EAP program, Employee Assistance Program. This offers help with a variety of problems one of which is free therapy sessions, the number varies by program. Call the human resource department of your husbands company and get the number for the EAP line. Then call them and ask for a number for a psychologist in your area that works with them.

You probably only need a few sessions with the psychologist to get these thoughts that have crept into your mind resolved. Once properly resolved life can return to normal for you and your husband.

The visits are usually free and what is said in therapy is totally confidential. No one but you and the therapist will ever know what has been said. There is no reason to be depressed or to question yourself if there is help available. Check to see if your husbands, or your company if you work outside your home, offers and EAP program.


I know that Prazosin is used for PTDS and assorted anxiety disorders. Are there any herbs or supplements that can offer similar benefits?

FYI - I currently take Prozac for OCD.

There may be and if you want to try them I suggest you find a doctor who practices Holistic medicine. Buying these Herbal alternatives over the counter without the knowledge of how they might react with other medications you are taking can be dangerous. Also certain Herbal supplements are not as effective as the manufactured drug and may have side effects worse than the manufacturer's drug,

Herbal supplements and herbal medications are not covered by your prescription drug benefits. These supplements or medications can be expensive. While I might understand why you wish to change to a more natural medication. This is one time due diligence is called for before you take any action.


My life has simply gone from bad to worse. Not in a dramatic sort of way, but gradually. I'm a freshman college girl with no idea as to what she is going to do with her future; this has me stressing over what to do - you see I change my mind about nearly everything from one day, to the next. Today I want to be a vet, but tomorrow I want to be a writer, then the next day I want to be a marine biologist, etc, etc. My parents owe a restaurant to which I am supposed to be “comitted" to, but I don't want to. This makes me feel selfish and irresponsible, plus lazy. I don't like being a waitress and the emotional stress one goes through sometimes is not a joke. My sleeping pattern is f***d up, seeing as how I go to sleep super late (think 3-5am) and wake up at 6:00am to go to class at 7:30, then sleep during the day. I don't go out much which isolates me slightly. I get extremely jealous of my roommate who has been friends with me since 7th grade - she's organized, smart, pretty, funny, social, kind, has a lot of experience in traveling, has worked for important people and attracts guys much better than me. Everything I'm not. The reason why I get hostile feelings towards her is because she reminds me of this everytime I see her. I'm shy, not good at much, get distracted easily, never finish things I start, I forget things easily, I can be dependable, I have the body of a thirteen year old boy, and seem to fail at nearly everything I do. Im fed up with my life and sometimes feel trapped. But these feelings are temporary - they come and go. Sometimes, I get so fed up, that thoughts of not continuing do pass my mind. I feel like nobody needs me and that I'm worthless in more ways than one. I mean I do nothing of importance, I don't help people, so why stay? I just... feel like I'm falling in a hole and I only seem to sink further in, not crawl out.

TO start with it sounds as if you have several things going on here. First some of what your wrote sounds like depression. This would be normal for a freshman to suffer with a bit of clinical depression. You have a bit of homesickness and then add to that the rigors of college and it is easy enough to fall into a depressive state. The fact that you are not sleeping adds to the depression as well as causing problems related to sleep deprivation and being out of sync with the rest of the world.

You also have a problem related to self-esteem. You say you have the body of a 13 year old boy. This tells me you believe your flat chested. There are a lot of guys out there that happen to like small breasted women and there are ways to dress that actually highlight that fact in a very stunning way. Your also old enough to enhance your breast size if you want. My advice is not to for if not done properly you will hate the results.

What I suggest is as follows. Go to the campus health center and see a doctor and asked to be screened for depression. It is painless and the doctor will also perform a physical to rule out any other cause for how you are feeling. Everything you have written about goes directly back to what I know are symptoms of depression and sleep deprivation. In your case the two are a circular fix one and the other will be corrected. Once the two main problems are correct your concentration will come back, you will feel better about yourself and you will be able to concentrate and complete projects on time.

As for being lost, not knowing what you want. That is fairly normal for a freshman which is why you do not have to declare a major until the end of next year. What you can do is go to your class advisor and ask for help in finding out just what you are best suited for. There are tests you can take that will point you in a direction that you will very likely be thinking of or be very comfortable with.

As far as joining the family business goes. You are a young adult now and you will be a more mature adult when you graduate. If the family business is not your idea of how you want to spend the rest of your life. Then don't go back to it.

Every parent who builds a business does so thinking they are building something for their children's future and there's well. Not every child is cut out to join the family business and shouldn't. If it is a good business mom and dad can sell it when they are ready to retire. There is no law that say a child must take over the family business and operate it in their parents retirement for them.

My advice here is to let your parents know you will not be returning after college to work in their business and to learn to operate it. start telling them this now so it does not come as a surprise to them when you graduate.

Most important is my advice to see a doctor and be screened for depression for I feel if you are suffering with depression. Getting control of that will solve most all of the other problems you write about.


I think that I might have anxiety but I don't know how to bring it up to my parents. They would never get me therapy and if I even brought up therapy my dad would mock me. But I don't know what to do because it's getting worse and I'm not sure if this makes any sort of sense but I always feel like there's a knot in my stomach because I'm always nervous and my palms are sweaty and my underarms are sweaty and I'm shaky and I've felt this way for almost 2 years now. There's only been one time in the past 2 years that I've actually felt calm. I had just finished an essay that was due the next day and it was 3 am and I thought that I was never going to get it done but then I did and it felt like there was a tight belt around my stomach that had been unbuckled and I could finally breath but that feeling was gone when I woke up the next morning. I'm only 14 so I can't go get therapy or any sort of help myself because anything I tell my school counselor goes straight to my parents. it's mostly just general nervousness that I struggle with but I have pretty severe social phobia as well and I rarely leave the house even to come to the store or anywhere. I only go to the library. I just don't know what to do. I want the metaphorical belt to be permanently unbuckled.

At 14 years of age you are old enough under certain circumstances to make your own doctors' appointments with or without parental permission. You may also at anytime call 911 for medical assistance and this is one type of medical assistance that 911 can and should be called for.

Remember when you were little mom and dad said if you ever were separated from them to find a police officer and they will help you. This is the same thing. Anxiety can be very harmful. You are already experiencing a form of it that is keeping you from experiencing life and hiding at home.

While I find it hard to believe if you went to you mom or dad and explained, fully as you have to us, that they would refuse to get you medical help. There are alternatives available to you. Yes your school counselor will tell your parents. IF your parents say negative things to the suggestion that you need medical help. Then the counselor must notify Child Protective Services (CPS).

Anxiety can also affect your menstrual cycle. Here is where the law says you can contact a doctor on your own as long as you are 14 or older. A Federal Law called HIPPA gives anyone 14 or older medical confidentiality and the right to seek medical assistance for anything concerning their Reproductive System. They do not need parental approval to do so and parents cannot know they have seen or what they have been treated fro by the doctor without written permission by their child to the doctor. That permission must be freely given and not coerced.

Because anxiety can affect your menstrual cycle you can seek help under that for both problems without parental permission. IF you are unable to get to a hospital or doctors office call 911 or go to the nearest Police or Fire Station for help. Both are safe havens for children.

You can also talk with a trusted teacher or school principal about this. They by law must see to it that you receive help if you come to them with this type of problem.

One again though before you do any of what I suggest above I urge you to talk with mom and Dad. As A parent I find it hard to believe any parent would make light of your problem. Our jobs as parents are to see to it you are safe, Healthy, well fed, properly clothed, housed and clean. Failure in any of these areas is unacceptable and could have us answering to CPS. So talk to your parents. IF I'm wrong then follow one of my suggestion for getting help.


I have been diagnosed with Major depression with psychotic features (I see, hear and feel things that others can't). My friends say that it is all in my head and that I'm just making an excuse as to why I choose to be depressed and I can prevent it. Is this true? Am I making of all of this up? If I am, what are some things I can try in order to not choose to be depressed? If I'm not making this up and my friends just don't like it, then what can I do to help myself not be so depressed so I can get through the day?

Here's the situation:
I am no longer interested in hobbies that I used to like (example: video games, drawing, reading, writing, phototraphy). I also am crying off and on throughout the day. I can barely eat or sleep. If I do get to sleep, I have trouble staying asleep. I see shadow people and they constantly talk and touch me keeping me up all night to where I can't sleep. I basically get out of bed to go to work and when I get home, I just sit and do nothing.

My husband is understanding of my situation and is also trying to help me find a coping skill to master so my depression cannot control me any more.

My real Question is: What are some good coping skills do deal with my mental disorder?

You did not supply this information so how was I to know this. There is help for you if you know where to look. Being diagnosed with psychotic features could, emphasis on could as you again have not said what the voices are telling you. Could place you as being a danger to yourself or others. If this is the case go to any hospital ER and they will help you and the hospital patient advocate will help you get the benefits available to you so that you can receive treatment.

If the voices are not telling you to hurt yourself contact your county or state mental health agency. Every state and most counties have one. They are there to help you. You might also want to contact a legal aid attorney for help with this agency.

If you have ever worked at all file for Social security disability benefits (SSI) with Medicare assistance. You can file on line, have you husband help you as it is quite a lot of questions that need to be answered. You may even be eligible to file under his social security benefits. Call SSI 1-800-772-1213 for information and help do not assume anything.

You replied you have no job, no money for medication. Yet in you writing you wrote; I basically get out of bed to go to work and when I get home, I just sit and do nothing." I see this as the depression talking. If your working and the company has and EAP program, ask don't assume they don't. Call the EAP hot line they can help you.

As far as skills to cope with depression; unless you know what is causing the depression it is hard to tell you what to do to cope. Thinking happy thoughts, trying to keep yourself active so as to try and ignore the pain of depression does not work. Treatment is the only coping skill I know that works. Please make the calls I suggest, there is help you just have to find it.

No one chooses to be Depressed. There are a number of different factors that go into why we become depressed. One major reason is hormonal which is why women sometimes suffer from depression after giving birth.

Once you fall into the pit of depression you fall into the cycle of depression which is not something you can exit without good professional help. Being diagnosed with Major depression with psychotic features; I would expect you would be being treated by a psychiatrist for medication and a psychologist. The psychologist would help you cope with this illness to start with and them to get at the root cause of your depression through talk therapy.

Having suffered with depression brought on by a major depressive episode I know how scary this can be for you. The depression causes pain both mental and physical, which causes more depression. This is called the cycle of pain which medication and talk therapy help to break.

I did not suffer with psychotic features so I cannot speak to it. I do know that while depressed what I saw and heard was perceived wrong messed up by my depression. Which of course caused me to be more depressed. This was the first battle that had to be fought. Once this battle was won we worked to get at the root cause. It was hard work and as much as I fought to hide from the truth when it finally revealed itself everything fell into place and we were able to talk about the problem and instead of hiding from it we dealt with it and put it in its proper perspective.

If you are not being treated by a psychiatrist and psychologist then you need to do so NOW. Especially with the psychotic features.. The psychiatrist should be Board Certified as a Board Certified Psychiatrist is the best qualified to deal with these types of problems.

It won't be easy, it wasn't for me. With hard work between you and the doctors and being compliant with your medications I can assure you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Major depression does not have to be a lifelong event.


Lately I've been feeling really gloomy. I've asked lots of people online for advice, and they suggest I might be depressed. I'm kinda swapping back and forth with the idea, and I've taken test online and they say Im depressed. The thing is, even when I feel well, I just about always prefer depressing stories, movies, songs, anything depressing. I' even seem to enjoy it after I experience pain. My mom was even speaking to me a few months ago how that wasn't normal. I know I've had depression in the past for personal reasons, and I know it was severe then, and I know what I'm feeling now isn't nothing like what is was then. I haven't experienced any kind of tragic event, and this has been going on all week. Is there some way I could find out for sure if I have depression without some multiple test or going off to see a professional? I try too keep this kind of thing from my parents too. Anything I can do besides that?

The only true way to know is to have your doctor screen you for depression. It is a painless exam usually done along with a complete physical to rule out any organic reason for feeling as you do. The screening itself is usually a dozen or so questions your doctor will ask you.

Depression is a very strange illness. If you are like me and suffered with it undiagnosed for any length of time it becomes your normal. Being depressed was my normal for I was depressed or lived in a depressed state for many years. Then something happened to throw me into a deep depression and I asked for help.

This is called hitting bottom and is the closest you might ever want to come to having a nervous breakdown you ever want to come to. I do not recommend waiting for something like what happened to me happen to you before getting screened and getting help, for it was very frightening.

My advice is to see your doctor, get screened then follow your doctor's advice.


It seems like every day I go through the same issues. I feel like the whole world is against me and I feel useless and unwanted. I'm homeschooled and don't live near my church so am away from people my own age 90% of the time. When I am around people my own age, I always try to be the person they want me to be. I just realized that I don't know who I really am and don't know who the real me is. I don't get calls very often, but when I do, I always go over how I'm gonna act. I always act super happy, even times when I'm not. I've always felt like outside of family, there is no such thing as a true friend. Those that I get real close to that I'm not related to, always seem to let me down in the end. i used to feel I could trust everybody, but now I feel I can trust no one. For the past few days, I've just felt like crying. I'm always worried about how my life is gonna end up. I'm always worried that I'll fail at a job, relationship, friendship, family relationships, marriage, parenting, everything. I'm 16 wanting to move out when I'm 18, and constantly worried that I won't be able to pay the bills and will be a burden for my roommate, I don't even know how To move out. I feel like the whole world is against me, and it's become where I feel the only one I can truly depend on is myself. My cousin is the only one I believe will always be there for me through to the end of time. I know I don't have depression, because I'm not unhappy 100% of the time, it's just gotten where I go through major mood swings, and they are really hurting me. I'll be happy one minute and I tend to overthink things and it causes me to lose it. I usually keep my true feelings bottled up till I'm alone. I'm constantly thinking of moving out and feel very unhappy with my life. I feel helpless, unwanted, and trapped. I go through major mood swings over little things and its made me lose control of my thoughts causing me to feel like hurting myself even over the little things. Sometimes I do hurt myself. I usually try not to let things bother me, but lately I've been helpless. I feel I will never make friends, and that my life will be a total failure. This isn't something I will ever tell my parents, and I don't want to talks someone over the phone because it makes me uncomfortable. I am fine using websites though. There are many times when I'm happy so I have to ask...Whats wrong with me? And how can I get help without anyone knowing?

Having struggled with undiagnosed depression for most of my life; both in my youth and into my adult years. I can say that what you have written fits the diagnoses of a severely depressed person. When you wrote that you have thought of hurting yourself and also doing so at times moved you into the area of a severely depressed person.

At some point you are going to need to tell your parents but that does not have to happen right away. At 16 years of age you're old enough to go see a doctor on your own and I suggest you do so to be properly diagnosed.

We are not doctors and while what you have written has all the indicators of depression you need to be screened by a doctor for depression. Make an appointment with your family doctor for a physical. You will need one anyway to rule out any organic cause for feeling as you do. While with your doctor ask to be screened for depression and tell the doctor what you wrote to us.

If as we suspect he diagnoses you with depression you can ask the doctor to inform you parents. Your parents are going to want to know how or why you have become depressed. The simple answer is you don't know and that is the truth. Most of us don't know why and will only find out through proper treatment. Which may include both medication and talk therapy with a psychologist.

If between now and the time you see your doctor, you feel like hurting yourself don't do it. Pick up the phone and dial 911. Tell the call taker you want to hurt yourself. They will stay on the phone until help gets to you.

As a former first responder who responded on these types of calls the help sent usually is the closest fire truck with trained EMT's to care for you until an ambulance with paramedics arrive. The police will also be dispatched to make sure your safe and that the firefighters and paramedics are allowed to treat you. Don't be afraid of who arrives first. Everyone who arrives at where you are is there to insure you are safe and can go to someplace where proper help can be given to you.

This is not something that will go away on its own and can only get worse if we are right that you are suffering from depression. Tomorrow first thing in the morning call you doctor and tell them you need to see the doctor urgently.


Hey! I'm a biologically female 15 year old. I've been really confused and twisted on my gender of late and I was hoping you could help me untangle the mess. So I'm a biological girl, and I'm okay with that most of the time. But I dress like a boy and have sudden impulses to cut off all of my hair. I just cut the hair off of old barbies instead because I tell myself that I'll regret cutting my hair. The impulses I feel to cut off my hair can last anywhere from half an hour to a month. I walk around the boys clothes section at stores, wishing I could pull off the guy clothes better. I'm okay with being a girl like I said, but I long to be a boy when I think about both my near and distant future. Let me explain that. I want to start a YouTube channel sometime this year, but I want to be a boy on YouTube and want my followers to see a boy. When I think about being a biologist when I'm older, I think about being a male. When I think about boys that I like, I really only enjoy thinking about being intimate if I think of myself as a boy. It's weird. I feel like if I stayed a girl I'd regret it, but if I transferred to male, I'd regret that too.

I agree it sounds like what it is called "Being gender fluid." Being "Gender Fluid" is not something I am that familiar with to be able to give you any advice other than this.

Gender confusion is real. There are a number of different reason for it including this is the way you were born or how you may have been raised. You do not seem to be in the Transgender stage though it sounds like you might be heading in that direction and I agree until your sure you should not go there.

The best advise I have is to seek out a psychologist who specializes in gender confusion to help you find the real you. To start with you want a Board Certified Psychologist or Psychiatrist as these Doctors have specialized training and completed Fellow ships as well as passed specific test to obtain the Certification. This makes them the best qualified to help you.

It may be easy to find a doctor who specializes in the area as it is a relatively new area of expertise.. I would suggest you call your states local board of psychiatrist or psychologists for a referral. If they cannot offer a specific referral call a company called Magellan Health Services.

Magellan Health Services is one of the biggest providers of Mental Health services in the country. They may be able to find a doctor through their network of practitioners whose practice specializes in this area. The credential doctors, Nurse practioner's and other mental health providers.

This does not mean you are crazy. A mental health practioner are the best source of help for you to come to grips with your sexuality and gender confusion.


I'm a 16 year old girl and I've been thinking about options out of life for almost three years now. I keep finding things to hold on to and I try to look for the little miracles in life but it's getting harder. I'm honestly so sick of living with who I am and things seem to only go downhill. Last year in high school I had to deal with a lot of sexual harassment and was beaten and had someone forcibly remove my clothes in the school. I've always felt sad and upset before that incident, but after the constant torment last year my self esteem has plummeted and I just want to die. My parents don't understand why I'm so upset (especially because I have a loving family) and they make me feel bad for feeling these emotions which only hurts me further. I'm at my last breaking point and I'm not sure where to go from here. I don't want to die, but it feels like the only way out. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Before I answer this question I need for you to answer a question for me.

You are a registered user which means we can look back and see past questions you have written to us. This is helpful in answering your questions as it gives us a form of chronology of events in your life.

You wrote this question just before midnight on March 18. Just 12 hours earlier you write about looking forward to going to the prom with this one boy and talking to another.

What happened in that 12 hours to make you so depressed as to write to us with the problems you told us about at almost midnight? I would really like to know as it would help me tell you what you need to do to put things right with the second question.

Suicide is not the answer, it is the wrong solution to a problem that punish only you and not the people causing you to feel this way. I want to properly punish them within the limits of the laws, which are on your side, and help you feel better about yourself.

You can write me in a private message if you wish. Just follow the instructions how to do so.


I am 25 years old and dating a guy who is 35 years old. I love this guy I am dating for almost two years now and he loves me too. I feel like he is not very experienced but has been married for 8months and is now divorced so its not like he hasn't had any experience. I am a virgin and have never had sex yet I don't have any problem.
Every time we hug and Kiss( not french), I see a big large wet spot on his pants (a size of a subway cookie) LOL I am concerned because I want to know if this is an issue that I should be worried about. I just want him to be fine... I care for him a lot

If this happens every time you guys are intimate, non sexual style, then I would guess, since we are not doctors, that your guy has a problem called premature ejaculation (PE).

While there are many theory's for PE there no real medical cause as to the cause for PE. There are a number of different treatments and exercises that can be done as well as creams desensitize his penis to prolong coitus. Some work some don't.

The fact that you care for him a lot is good. The fact that you are a virgin make's it hard to offer a suggestion as to how to help him as in general the exercises require a willing partner. My only suggestion then is to as carefully as possible as so not to embarrass him suggest he see a doctor. There are doctors that specialize in the treatment of PE. Usually these doctors are Urologists.

If you think you will lose your virginity to this man it would be in your best interest to help him with this problem. It would be best that he start by consulting a doctor.


My dad died last week and I do not get along with my family, and this is something I've accepted for years now. From the outside, we looked like the perfect family, and everyone thinks I'm the sweetest, nicest, most perfect daughter. But in reality, I am the emotionally out of control black sheep in my family. I've never felt truly understood by them. At times in which I've felt suicidal throughout my life, they weren't there for me emotionally.Everyone keeps telling me how highly my dad spoke of me and how much he loved me, but all I can remember are our fights and horrible, hateful words toward each other, that most people who "know us so well" could never imagine. The two of us have had a very distant relationship since I'm 11 or 12. Now I'm 22. I have wonderful friends, thank god, who make me feel amazing but they live very far away. I feel totally and completely alone right now. Anyone who says things like, "blood is thicker than water.." and "family is everything" clearly can't know where I'm coming from, because honestly the most loving supportive people in my life are friends and teachers. Thankfully, I will be away from home next year. What can I do cope with this until then?

First my condolences on your loss.

I'm a little confused at what I'm reading. I see lot of anger here. Anger is one of the five stages of grief which is why I'm confused. Are you angry over losing your father or are you just plain angry at you family for the way you feel they have treated you.

I never got along with my father as he blamed me for whatever was wrong in his life. Nothing I could do about it except keep my distance from him when I realized there was nothing I could do about it. When he passed I did not suffer grief I was relieved.

You are right about "blood is being thicker than water" though it does not mean what you think it means. Good or bad they are your family and we do not get to choose them, it also does not mean we have to like them or even love them and I may just know a little about where you are coming from.

This all may straighten out in a year when you are away from them but that is too long to wait. Your friends are too far away to lean on for support. What you need is someone to lean on, who will support you, who will help you find the root cause of your anger, you may not realize the root cause, and help you channel it properly or it will follow you for the rest of your life.

The person best capable to do this for you and with you is a psychologist. If you are covered under moms health insurance or her employer has an EAP program you can see a psychologist under both programs. The psychologist is a person who can become that best friend you can tell your deepest secrets to confident that no one will ever hear them. With the help of the psychologist you will learn how to deal with your family and channel these feelings you have in a more constructive manner so that you don't feel as the "emotionally out of control black sheep in my family."



I'm not really sure how to express myself right now I just want to vent to someone to listen. I come from a loving family and could get whatever I possibly wanted. But I sometimes feel so sad that I am going no where in life I always feel everything is my fault. I care about people before i care about myself. I would kill myself to save another person. Growing up I can remember this would happen and I think it is getting worse. Whenever I do something wrong and I make someone angry I start hurting myself when I get in a fight with my boyfriend I start punching myself and pinching my arm I slap myself across the face and I tell myself how useless I am and how my mother should have never had me. Is this normal? I don't know if I want to express my feelings to my family about this. I don't want to be put into a physc place and I feel like if I say something people are going to think I'm dramatic. I just needed someone to vent to about this. No one knows about these. I often think about cutting myself but I don't think I have the courage to take something and cut myself with it. What's wrong with me?

No what you write about is not normal and we are not doctors so we cannot make a definitive diagnoses. You may be suffering a form of depression that has caused you to have a low self-esteem as well. This is called clinical depression and is generally caused by a hormone imbalance easily corrected with replacement hormones.

Now because these hormones are secreted into the part of the brain the control depression your family doctor may refer you to a psychiatrist to medicate you. This does not mean you're crazy the referral is because of the fact that the medication or hormones affected are secreted into the brain a psychiatrist is the best trained MD to medicate.

The hormone imbalance is only part of the problem. Something else triggered the anxiety, the suicidal thoughts and the other self harm thoughts you are having which all relate to the depression. For this you will most likely be referred to a psychologist for talk therapy. This is the person you are looking for. The person you can safely vent to with your most secret thoughts in the knowledge they go no further than the therapy session for they are confidential between you and the therapist.

My suggestion is as follows: First see your family Care Doctor for a complete physical while with the doctor ask to be screened for depression. Remember you are an adult now so everything between you and your doctor is confidential. The doctor needs written permission from you to share your medical information with anyone including your parents even if you are still on their medical insurance.

The physical is to rule out any organic problems for your problem. The screening for depression consists of the doctor asking you questions from which the doctor can make a diagnoses. Once the doctor made a diagnosis follow the doctor's instructions.

Should you feel suicidal or feel like you must hurt yourself in any manner before you see your doctor either call 911 for help or go to the nearest hospital emergency room for help.

There is o reason to suffer with whatever the problem is as help is just a phone call away. Statistically 1 in 3 of us will suffer from some form of depression in their lifetime. So this too is nothing to be ashamed of for as I said help is there for the asking. I know this for I could have written this letter before I asked for help for my depression.


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