Member Since:June 18, 2009
Last Update:June 18, 2013
General Sex Questions
aboutThe object of my column will be to help you help yourself by pointing you in the right direction if I can or by supplying you with WEB resources you can use that will help you find the answers your looking for.
I'm an 18 year old male, and I could never even think about young girls sexually. But the other day at work, a girl came in with her parents and was clearly(by looking at her face and size) about 13 years old. However, she was very developed in every other way, quite well endowed, in good shape, in dressed in an outfit that complimented her features VERY well, and I couldn't help but be attracted to her. I would never try anything, because I know that it would be horribly wrong. But does the fact that I couldn't get her out of my head make me a monster? Or is it normal to feel that way under those circumstances?
No I don't think you are a monster.
It is a fact of life these days that young girls her age are growing up faster in every conceivable way these days.
When I look at young girls these days I try to remember if 13 and 14 year old girls looked like they do today when I was that age. I really don't think they did. Some of these young girls with proper dress and makeup can pass for girls 2, 3 or 4 years older than they actually are. If you could see some of the questions we get from girls of her age you would really start to wonder about girls her age and how fast they tend to grow up.
No you saw her for what she was a 13 year old girl dressing above her age. Who also was attractive. This does not make you a monster.
I used to feel accomplishment in anything I did. I would clean and re-do my room and it would make me feel awesome. It was the best feeling in the world. Today I cleaned, I studied for exams, I learned another song on the piano, downloaded some great songs on my iPod and I baked for my family. Nothing... I can't get happy. Mind you I have exams and I've been so stressed but that should not be as big of a deal as I feel it is. All of a sudden I feel as though this summer will define the rest of my life and this fear is affecting everything I do. I'm so nervous that I can't even enjoy the little things. How do I burry my funk?
It would be easier to answer this question if I knew your age.
Is it possible this is your final year of high school. If so I would not worry to much as to how you are feeling. You are probably a little stressed out as one chapter of your life is closing and another chapter is opening.
If I am correct in my assumption then what might be happening is this. You see some of the comfort zones you have developed over the years are dissolving for you may be going off to college in the fall or you need to go out into the adult world and find a job upon graduation.
Fear of the unknown is normal and a bit stressful especially when you add in the stress of final exams and graduation. The funk you find yourself in will pass as the stressors of today are removed as they pass. The fear of the unknown, well that to will pass will come to pass and you will end up most likely being very annoyed with yourself when you find out you had nothing to fear.
If you are going on to college you will find this is a wonderful time of life. A time to spread your wings a bit and enjoy some of the freedoms that come with being a young adult attending an institute of higher education.
If you are not going on to college but intend to go out into the working world. Then I ask you to reconsider. There are many reasons why you may not be going on to college. One may be affordability. If so I urge you to investigate your local community college. Speak with the financial counselor their as there are many grants such as they Pele grant and others that can be applied for that will pay for a good portion off the tuition. Then there are also student loans that will pay for the rest.
An AA degree is far better than no degree in today's job market. While the community college is considered to be a two year school many students are taking three years and a lighter class load so they can work and study at the same time.
Like I said without your age I am guessing. IF I have guessed correctly you really have nothing to worry about. If I'm wrong write back to me and I will try to give you a better answer once I have more information.
I have all the friends in the world. Ever since I was basically born I've had many friends and always been satisfied. Until I turned 17 and my life and future began flashing before my eyes. Nervous and terrified, all I needed was someone to talk to. That's when I realized that I can't talk to anyone I know now. I've had some good friends in the past ones that I probably could have talked to but as the course of life would have it they all became really distant. I feel so alone trying to deal with everything I feel I need to do. Pressure from all over is coming at me. My parents and my grades and university and keeping close with friends trying not to lose any. Being the best I can. This website seems to be my only hope of letting it all out. I guess all I really need is someone to just say something to me.
Your right this is a tough time for teenagers. Many find this a very stressful time and need someone, anyone to just listen to them and let them get whatever is stressing them off their chest.
This someone can and in many instances should be a clinical psychologist. Someone totally removed from you who can sit back an listen to what you are finding stressful and help you gain control over that stress and deal with it.
Your not crazy, far from it. What a psychologist is; is someone who is just far enough removed that they can see the forest for the trees that you are missing. They can with the training they have help you see the forest and the trees. To help you put the order on things that you want.
All your life someone else has been telling what to do, when to do it and where and when to go. Now you are facing the prospect of doing most of this for yourself and it is a scary and stressful event.
Yea I'm being a little over dramatic but for the most part I am being truthful. Someone, either your parents, teacher or a coach has been their to tell what the next thing you needed to do was. Someone was there to prioritize for you if need be.
You have been doing all this for yourself for probably quite some time with one exception. The safety nets, parents, teachers and coaches have always been as close as a shout away. Going of to University puts your biggest safety net, you parents, much father away.
You may not realize this but this is biggest stressor in teenage life. A psychologist is someone you can be totally open with trusting in the fact that everything you say is kept totally confidential. You can tell the psychologist your deepest secrets and they will think none the less of you. They will ease your fears and help you put things in the order you want them to be I. The order that is right for you not what other people are telling you is right for you. In other words they will help you make the transition from total dependency, which has been your life to date, to semi-dependency which is the future for the next few years.
My advice is to seek out a psychologist. your parents EAP program at work will pay for this.
Am I weird? All the people at my school and most my friends say that I'm mental and should be put into a mental facility. They all think that I'm weird and odd because I don't act like everyone else. I'm confused. I'm a free-spirit but I don't know what is wrong. Please help...thank you!
One of the nice things about life especially living in a free society as we do. Is the fact that we do not have to be a carbon copy of everyone else. We can be a free spirit as you describe yourself. This does not make you mental or a mental case. Besides who says they're right and you're wrong. It just may be you're the sane one swimming in a pool of insanity.
Just because your friends and others chose to comply with what they believe is the way they should be does not mean you are wrong. Some of the greatest inventors of all were free spirits and free thinkers.
Were would we be today with out people like, Alexander Gram Bell, Sir Isaac Newton, Henry Ford, Joseph Salk, Louis Pasteur and many others. Many people thought these people to be eccentric or free spirits even mental. Yet without them life as we know it today would be much different.
Just because you have decided not to comply with what they believe to be the way to live, does not make you mental. Ignore them, find other friends or just tell them to buzz off.
Who knows later in life you may be the one to find a cure for the common cold. Then what will they say about you?
Well, ive been feeling really bad about it. is it normal? I mean i like guys im not into girls and all and its really embarrassing and im afraid of anyone finding out. Can you give me some advice?
Relax your normal.
Watching porn is not strictly a male thing. Watching it does not make you a lesbian. Much of the porn available to you has both sexes participating in sex acts so why would watching make you a lesbian?
A study done some time ago actually showed more women watching porn today then just 10 years ago. Among teenagers the number of women and men were about equal. so relax, enjoy the videos, you are a normal teenager.
I'm going to be blunt and say that I am terrified of anything going near my vagina. I've never once used tampons or stuck my finger in there.
Until I was told to get the annual check up that all females get. I went to the doctor and she didn't even get the tip of her finger in and I was screaming. I was terrified and I'm still not sure why. She says it's some kind of trauma, but I've never had anything traumatizing happen to me. I'm just terrified of pain and discomfort. To show me it was okay, she used something to numb me down there and then had me stick my finger inside myself and it was probably the most disturbing thing in my entire life. I did not like it at all and I could never understand how someone could like it.
Unfortunately, she couldn't do the exam because I was so scared. I couldn't force myself to calm down. I basically had a panic attack-- again. I've had this happen to me twice now.
And I was told to get some help, and I went to a therapist, but it really wasn't helping. I can't NOT be scared of something. Being scared is what keeps me alive and comfortable. I'm actually scare of a lot of things, and this probably isn't healthy, but I really don't see myself changing any time soon. And I don't have enough money to get a new therapist-- and my mother's benefits only cover five visits per therapist.
What I'm asking is if there's anyway I can get myself to relax while I'm practicing with myself (my doctor told me she's giving me a year to practice, and I need to get used to TWO fingers). Is there something I can do or use that'll at least allow me to get over the heart attack of actually putting my finger in me? (I'm sorry if this is a stupid question, because it honestly makes me feel very stupid, but I need help) Mind you, I'm a nineteen-year-old female.
First of all trauma doesn't have to be a physical trauma. It could have been a mental trauma such as something that mom or dad or even a grandparent, as good intentioned as they may have been, said to you about someone touching you there.
When I was young my mother, with all good intentions, traumatized me against dogs. I was well into my adult years before I was able to overcome this and I do not even remember what she said to me; though it stuck for over 30 years.
If dad is still in the picture even though he may not be living with you. His employer may have an EAP program as well as moms employer. Have them both check to see if they do, most medium to large companies do. If so these EAP programs cover visits to therapist. The number of visits vary between programs. You should be able to use and exhaust both programs if necessary. EAP is different and separate from the health insurance program.
Once you find out if they have an EAP program, you are definitely covered under moms as it sounds like you live with her. Call the number for the program and ask for a referral to a therapist. You may be more comfortable with a female so ask for one.
Then call the therapists office and speak with the therapist before you make an appointment. Feel her out to make sure she is someone you are comfortable talking to. It is important that you are comfortable with her as you need to be able to quickly open up and tell her your deepest darkest secrets, if needed, so she can get to the root of your problem quickly and help you overcome it. It sometimes takes see two or three therapists to find one you can work with. So the fact that the first one did not help you is not strange or unheard of.
I'm not a doctor, none of us are. I have feeling that either your parents or another adult, well intentioned as they may have been, scared you when you were very young about touching yourself or letting others touch you in private places. Some parents do this to keep children from masturbating because they think masturbation is dirty or evil. It is neither but that is another subject.
There is nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself, or allowing others to touch you in those places for the right reason especially now that your an adult. One of those right reasons is a female exam by a doctor. These exams are very important if you wish to avoid some very serious and life threatening illnesses.
If you wish to avoid some of the pain of your first sexual intercourse, and not all first intercourse's are painful. You can ask your GYN to remove your Hymen during your female exam. She can do so painlessly without the tearing which occurs during intercourse and she can numb the area before she removes it.
I do not recommend you do that as I'm told that retrospectively; some of the pain that comes with the first intercourse for a women is part of the experience that later in life is cherished if done with a kind and gentle man. It is your body and your choice. I put the suggestion out there for you to chose.
Ever since last year, I've been feeling "not all there". I think this is depersonalization disorder, but I haven't been diagnosed. If there's medication for this, what medication would I have to get? I don't really want to see a doctor.
The following is from the "Mayo Clinic" concerning Treatments and drugs for depersonalization disorder
Treatment of depersonalization disorder may include:
•Psychological counseling. This helps you understand why depersonalization occurs and trains you to stop worrying about the symptoms so that they go away. Depersonalization disorder may also improve when counseling helps with other psychological conditions, such as depression.
•Medications. While there are no medications specifically approved to treat depersonalization disorder, a number of medications generally used to treat depression and anxiety may help. Some examples that have been shown to relieve symptoms include fluoxetine (Prozac), clomipramine (Anafranil) and clonazepam (Klonopin).
The drugs shown in MEDICATIONS are all class II drugs available by prescription only.
I typed "depersonalization disorder" into the search engine I use and a whole host of information was returned. One thing they all had in common is that this disorder cannot be treated with over the counter medication. You need professional medical intervention.
The causes of this disorder is vast and diverse which is why psychological counseling is recommended; to find out what triggered this. Once the cause is found, I believe that with proper counseling, the symptoms of this problem can be managed if not relieved altogether.
If you are worried about being embarrassed by what caused this problem or your parents finding out what triggered the problem, don't be.
Everything you say to your psychologist is totally confidential. No one can ever be told about what is discussed in counseling. You must give your psychologist permission in writing to tell anyone what is said between you in counseling; there are no exceptions. Your therapist is someone you can tell your deepest darkest secrets confident that these secrets stay within the room they are spoken in.
Trauma is one of the primary causes of this disorder. If,and hopefully this is not the case, you were raped or have been sexual molested or harassed and this has brought on this problem. You can tell the therapist what happened and it goes not further.
If you want to feel better you need to tell your parents about how you feel and ask them to arrange for you to see a psychologist as well as your family doctor. The psychologist is going to ask that you have a complete physical to rule out any organic reason for the problem so you may as well start with a visit to your family doctor.
(This is kind of confusing, sorry.)
So my mind is making me think I'm cross-eyed and I'm not. I really don't think it's my eyes. I can read and see, and even my parents say I don't look cross-eyed. It's my mind telling me I'm cross-eyed, and It won't stop.. I know that sounds weird, but what do I do about this then?
I'm not sure I totally understand what your saying. If your eyes are functioning properly I don't understand how you could think your cross eyed. That being said if you were my daughter I would be concerned enough to follow up with a visit to the family doctor and ask what he or she felt about a visit to a Neurologist or neurosurgeon.
Obviously your brain is getting signals it is not understanding or interpreting improperly. One of the two specialists I wrote of above would be the proper doctor to consult with, I believe, to see if anything is, in a sense, causing a problem with the circuitry in your brain.
There could be any number of reasons for how you are feeling. The problem is as I see it; is to find out why you feel this way and how to fix it.
Your 15 years old, old enough if you want to call the family doctor and make an appointment to see him or her by yourself as well as see the doctor by yourself if your parents do not want to make the appointment for you. Should your doctor suggest you see a specialist then your doctor can speak with you and your parents for you and with you to explain why you need to be seen by a specialist and which one.
I strongly believe though that since you feel there is a problem. You should be checked out by your family doctor and follow whatever instructions or advice the doctor gives you.
I am in college 3rd year,a student of psychology.My overweight and my parents remain frustrated coz of all dis and it is affecting me...
I think I understand your question to a degree. Your overweight and this for some reason this frustrates your parents. Are you a little or a lot overweight? Why does this frustrate your parents?
You're in your third year of college which would make you 20 or 21 years old, well into the adult stage of your life. Questions:
1) Are you happy with your life as it stands today?
2) Does your weight bother you?
3) On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being really bothers you and 1 being not bothers you. How much does being overweight bother you?
Why did I ask these questions. As a psychology major you may have some insight into the why though I will explain. This is your life, if you happy that is all that counts. If you not happy that is a different story and would give reason to your parents frustration if you are not doing anything to loose weight.
As a parent I can tell you that we want the very best for our children and we can become frustrated when we see them wasting or not living up to their full potential. If you are grossly over weight you parents see this as you not being able to fulfill your full potential because of your weight and the problems it may be causing you and have yet to cause you.
Like it or not we are a society that judges books by their covers. If a grossly overweight person who is equally qualified for a position applies for a job along with a trim and fit person. The trim and fit person is going to get the job. Even if that person is not as qualified the likely hood is that person will get the job for other reasons such as insurance requirements. Insurance companies are penalizing employers with higher rates who have to many at risk employees.
Lacking a reason for your parents frustration this is what I see as what their reason may be for being frustrated are. Though if your answer to my questions are all positive in your favor then enjoy your life and don't worry about your parents frustration.
You are an adult now and the only person, at this, time you have to please is yourself. Later on when you marry, if that is in your plan, then the people you need to please are yourself, your husband and eventually any children you have.
I'm thinking of suicide. I have an amazing boyfriend but he doesn't know any of this. I really am depressed, and don't know what to do anymore. I'm 16 years old. I live with my mom, she doesn't really care for me, her boyfriend who i hate so much, he's always calling me names like the B' word, and a H** and always trying to yell at me, he used to molest me when i was like 10 years old, but i just thought he was playing a game with me. I've also been really stressed, and doing bad in school, i don't really show it cause i know no one would really care, other than my boyfriend. I was raped when i was 8 years old and i can still remember every detail and all. I just don't feel like i fit in, i have no friends, everyone just left me, i used to cut myself, I'm thinking of doing it again. I just don't wanna live anymore. My real dad died when i was only 3 years old, i have so much pain inside of me, i just wish I'd die now, right now, i can't take anything anymore, I'm scared.
Suicide is not the answer. I'm sorry you have had to put up with everything that has happened to you, it is not right. There is help for you to make it right. Even after all this time you can report this to the proper authorities and there are people who will help you do so.
There are two hot lines I would like you to call. The first is called RAINN. RAINN stands for; Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. When you call their number you will be connected to a crisis center near you. The call takers are trained to help you get the help you need. The call is free and totally confidential.
I'm sure you seen in the papers and on the news how people have come forward after decades have gone by to report they were raped and abused as children. This is where your at today. It happened when you were to young to do anything about it. You are now old enough to tell someone what has happened to you and the proper authorities will take the appropriate actions to punish your rapist and abuser.
By calling RAINN and telling them what has happened they will help you tell your story to the proper authorities. Call them at 1-800-656-HOPE.
The other hot line is the National Suicide Hotline. No matter what problems you are dealing with, they want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.
The National Suicide Prevention Hot Line and RAINN are their to help you. Please call them now. If you are actively suicidal, meaning you plan on hurting yourself now then please pick up the phone and dial 911.
By committing suicide you are letting the person who raped and abused you get away with his crimes. Don't let the bastard win. Be stronger than him and live to see him in jail and move on to a successful life while he rots in jail.
Im a 20 yr old female and my question today is how can i get over molestation and rape? Growing up and becoming a woman wasnt easy with all the harassment I've been through. I've been through some type of sexual harassment during my lifetime and I've gotten raped as well this happened about a year ago. I use to live with my ex boyfriends mom and at the time i slept in a room alone. During this time i was on medication for a heart condition i have and it would put me to sleep and make me weak. I remember more thas one night someone would come in the room and harass me sexually i didn't know who but i know it was a male because i ended up pregnant. I need help getting over this because it sometimes interferes with my present life now. Please help
Let me first say how sorry I am that you have had to endure this. No women should have to endure what you have had too. IF you had the baby or are still pregnant with the child it is easy to find out who the father is and who is responsible for raping you and charging him with rape. A simple paternity test; which is a DNA test of the male members of that house you lived in will tell the story.
You never truly get over being molested or raped. What you do is, with the right type of professional help, you can learn how to properly deal with what has happened to you so that you can move on with your life. To help you with this I am recommending you call an organization called RAINN.
RAINN stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They operate a 24/7 hotline that when you call them connects you to a crises center near you. The people who take your call are trained to help you and will help you find the proper professional to work with you to deal with what has happened. Including helping you find legal advice and making the proper police reports. Their number is 1-800-656-HOPE.
You are a victim and one way to start healing and put this properly in your past is to get proper closure. Closure can include seeing the perpetrator(s) or your rape and abuse properly punished.
Please call RAINN today and talk with them. They can and will help you, all you need to do is pick up the phone and call them.
Hi guys, if you must know i'm 18. The problem is, i'm in a downward spiral so yes, i need some advice. I know people out there face tougher challenges, but i know my life will get worse too if i don't face 'em. I'm starting to cling onto people to get happiness and my self-esteem is breaking down. It's not even there anymore ! I have a wide family but not all of them can be trusted. Not all. I have lots of friends but hey, i could even count with my fingers the ones who're really true. I'm facing rejection by the ones i would sactifice for. I don't really need guys in my life but i do really love one guy who seems to.. I don't know. We're no longer close and i break down every night missing him. Anyhow, I could no longer stress out due to the fact that i'm beginning to have detrimental heart problems because of the problems i'm facing and i admit my wrongdoings are involved too. I just need an advice on how to be wise and independent in life. I still believethat i can be a good person too, i just don't want to give up. Please help me, i can't go on feeling so messed up anymore. Thanks guys.
There is not a lot of information to go on here. Not having trust in people and sounding as down on yourself as you do are two signs of depression. Just two signs is not enough to say you are depressed or suffering from a depressive episode or clinical depression. Besides I'm not a doctor and I can't make that call.
What I do suggest, what I think will help you is meeting with a psychologist for some talk therapy. Finding a therapist who you feel comfortable enough to tell your deepest, darkest secrets to may take going through 2 or more therapist until you find someone your comfortable with. It is worth effort for once you find that therapist you can now talk openly with him or her secure in the knowledge that nothing said in therapy can every be retold outside of therapy even in a court of law. You have total medical confidentiality.
Being 18 these visits would be covered under your parents insurance coverage and or one or both of their EAP programs at work. The EAP programs generally cover a select number of visits in full then health insurance kicks in.
Stress is the major cause of most depressive symptoms. Talking about them to someone unrelated and set back from your day to day life can be a big help in getting a handle on things which may be getting away from you. Which just may be your problem and you are not seeing it.
If you want you can go see your family doctor first and get a full physical which the therapist should recommend anyway. While there your doctor, if you ask, can test you for depression. The test is simple. It is simply questions the doctors ask that by your responses they can determine if you are suffering some form of depression. Then the doctor will most likely suggest talk therapy as well.
Im 14/ f and ive been a selfharming since the beginning of february.. I have been getting better tho! Anyways my mom and I were sitting side by side waiting for my sister and I forgot to put a bandage on my cuts when I changef into a tank top.. she was on the phone and looked at my wrist and thered only 2 visible ones and pointed at them with a questioning face.. I pulled my arm away and went to the bathroom and cried my eyes out.. what do I say? Our cats are declawed. .
Cutting is a sign of depression. You cut to feel something, to relieve the stress of a situation. Stress is a major part of depression. In teenagers what was once considered to be a phase that teenagers went through now has a diagnostic name. It is called "Teenage Depression" and is treatable.
Lets face it, if anyone has a right to be depressed these day it is a teenager. A teenager is also a "Tweener", no longer a child yet not an adult. Yes Tweener is an actual word with the definition I gave. More is expected of you at home, in school and in social aspects. For girls it is even harder as puberty is causing changes internally and externally to you that you need to cope with. Then there are boys; they are around you like Bee's to honey. This is a lot of stress for anyone, even an adult.
In all of us there are two chemicals in the that are secreted into the brain, they are hormones that help stabilize moods especially under stress. Many of us at times do not have enough of these chemicals to combat the stress we are under or put ourselves under.
The quick fix is you see a board certified psychiatrist, no your not crazy, who is the best trained to deal with this because of where the chemicals are secreted. Generally a simple pill taken once a day will improve the amount of hormones needed to effect mood stabilization.
The long term fix is talk therapy with a psychologist who will help you find the reason for the stress and better ways of dealing with it other than cutting. With both Doctors your conversations with them are confidential. You must give your permission for them to discuss or disclose what is said in discussion with either of them. If you do not give permission when and if they talk with your parents it will be in generalities as to what they can do to help you.
So with all this being said: My advice to you is to tell mom the truth and ask for her help. She is already thinking the worst because of what she has seen. she is waiting for you to come to her so I suspect se is not going to scream at you.
What needs to happen next, after coming clean with mom is a visit to your family doctor for a complete physical. This is to rule out any organic reasons for your problem. Then you ask for a referral to a Board Certified Psychiatrist. That Doctor will supply and monitor medication if needed and refer you for talk therapy.
Depression hurts, I know as I suffered from it. There is help and it starts with telling mom and asking for help. You do not have to cut to feel better.
Му friend told ме she throws up to lose weight,she's 13,female. But now she told ме she threw up after eating lunch about twice then about a hour later she made herself throw up again,then a hour later again and after that again then she ate supper and then threw up again. Is this even possible? Му main question is,can чou throw up on a empty stomach? Like a few hours later after eating can чou make yourself throw up? Or can чou only make yourself throw up straight after eating? Thanks xx
So not do as your friend is doing. Your friend has an eating disorder known as BULIMIA. This is an illness not a weight loss program.
This illness is such that if left untreated can kill you. Let me repeat this: Bulimia kills, it is not a weight loss program. Vomiting can be life threatening whenever it occurs for it disrupts the electrolytes that your body needs to function properly. This is why when you vomit unintentionally such as when you're sick with the flu the doctors will give you medications to try and stop it.
I could go into a long list of things that happen when you vomit excessively> Suffice to say you become sick, really sick and if unchecked you die. Bulimia and anorexia are the two worst types of eating disorders.
If your friend is doing this you need to tell your parents so they can tell her parent. Yes she may get mad at you for telling. Is it not better to have a friend who may be mad at you for a time then attend her funeral.
As for dieting: You are 13 years old at the beginning of puberty. Your body is changing an all that "baby fat you gained as a child is needed to feed the changes your body is under going. Unless your doctor is suggesting or telling you that you need to lose weight DO NOT DIET.
If YOU FEEL YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT CHECK EITH YOUR DOCTOR FIRST. if THE DOCTOR AGREES THE DOCTOR WILL GIVE YOU A DIET TO FOLLOW AND FOLLOW YOU MEDICALLY AS YOU DIET.
This is the best way for someone your age to loose weight; which is under a doctors care while doing so.
My mom doesn't get it. All she does it put me down calling me ungrateful, stupid, and sometimes tell me to shut up. I wish she were a little more understanding. I've been to so many school counselors for advice and they just referred me to family counseling- in which now I have a case worker but I feel like there's no progress. My case worker then referred me and my mom to a psychologist.
When I got my report card a few months back, my mom flipped when I failed one class and saw that I was late or didn't even go to school. I was scared for the new quarter to come in the mail since I was still going to school late but I was failing three. I mentioned this worry to my psychologist on Saturday and she helped me break it down to my mom. In that same session, I was referred to a psychiatrist so that I can recieve an antidepressant.That same day she recieved the grades in our mail box but didnt say anything whatsoever. Sometimes she doesnt say a word, but other times she has too much to say/yell to me about. I wish she understood me. I was a 93 average student yet now I am a barely passing sophomore, failing 3 classes this marking period. Its like every time I push myself out there and try to get motivated, I feel like I fail more and more. When I miss school, it's so I can catch up but every time I enter school, Im even more behind due to absences. I was a motivated bright girl with a good future ahead of me. It were as if my depression took over my entire life and is controling as if I were a puppet controlled by strings. I miss the old me. I want to be good again, having healthy emotions but my world doesn't have a sun anymore, for its a cave of darkness closing in on me.
Having suffered from depression myself one thing you said stood out for me; "It were as if my depression took over my entire life and is controlling as if I were a puppet controlled by strings. I miss the old me." This is exactly what depression is and does to a person.
I can also attest to the fact that there is light at the end of the tunnel. The medications the psychiatrist prescribes will help along with continued talk therapy both singularly with your psychologist and jointly with you mom there.
Typically the medications prescribed are a form of hormone replacement for the majority of clinical depression is caused by the lack of one or two hormones secreted into the brain which help control moods. This plus stress are the major factor in depression. It will take the medication about two weeks to build up in your system and you may have to increase the dosage slowly as well. Once you reach the clinical dosage, or better yet, as you build to the clinical dosage building in you. You should start to feel better and see things differently.
Right now everything you see is clouded or distorted by the depression., Meaning you are not thinking clearly and this causes you to feel bad and deepens your depression. You can even feel real pain from this.
What is important is to be compliant with your medications. Take them as directed and to be truthful with the psychiatrist as to how they are helping or not helping. I had my medications changed twice before they really kicked in. Each helped a little but the third medication was like someone opened a window.
Next your psychologist is your new best friend. You can tell him or her, when in individual counseling, anything and everything you need to, want to or is bothering you. Confident that what you say in therapy stays in therapy. Nothing gets back to mom or dad or anyone else. That is by law.
When you are in joint therapy the counselor will help you or lead you into discussions with your mother on those things you would have agreed to in individual therapy. This is done to protect you from your mothers anger or whatever backlash she might come up with.
It takes time, it doesn't happen over night. You didn't become depressed over night either. Commit to the help that is being given to you work with the doctors and as I said in the beginning; there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will return to the world you want to be in.
Is anyone aware of an in patient treatment facility that helps with addictive behavior such as shoplifting NOT drug abuse?
I did a web search for treatment centers specializing in shoplifting. What was returned were treatment centers that specialize in drug and alcohol addiction. Nothing says anyone of these centers wouldn't be able to help you; just that none of them specialize in your addiction.
That being said treatment centers are generally for in-patient treatment of an addiction. I'm not sure, as I am not a doctor, as to whether or not an insurance company would pay for in patient treatment of your problem.
What I recommend is you find a Board Certified Psychiatrist to evaluate your problem. Most likely once the doctor has evaluated you, he or she will recommend talk therapy with a psychologist and continued visits with him or her as well. This is something I believe your insurance company will pay for if covered under your insurance program.
Should your psychiatrist believe you need in-patient treatment then your insurance company may pay for whatever amount of time your doctor requests and a facility will be found to treat you. The treatment you are seeking though all starts with a visit to a Board Certified Psychiatrist.
This is a question of what you think of my craziness. Everyone is insanne, because we all see different things from the same things. Our ears turn noise into something comprehensible. Maybe, what each of us hear from the same thing is different. Same for seeing. In turn, what I hear or see happening is based on what I think I said or did. So, in a way, we are all living in our own little fantasy. There's no way for me to even know your real opinion, because you could think I'm saying something totally different than I am. I just see the words, and, from what my brain says I typed, I interpret what anyone would say back. So in a way, we are all completely alone. By the way, I'm 13, so excuse my oddness for being a teenager, and hormones, or whatever people say. I don't see why knowing that I'm a girl would help you in telling you my thoughts, but who knows, right?
I believe what you are saying can be summed up in just one word; "perception." We all perceive things slightly differently then someone else. An oversimplification would be with colors. One person sees just the color blue. Another person with better color perception will see the same blue but in one of the hues of the blue family. Then their is the person who is color stupid, yes their is such a thing, who sees what they believe is green. Perception we see or hear what we think we heard or saw.
There is nothing wrong with you or your friends. Your all teenagers starting the next phase of life. Young adults who after learning about life as a child now have the ability to explore and question things. You now are even asked at time to question and come up with different views on subjects. This is life; embrace it, discuss it. Maybe your generation will find the cure for things my generation has not yet been able to.
It is our ability to question that leads to great discoveries. As a race we humans hate mysteries. We question and we look for answers until we are satisfied we have found the answer or exhausted all means available to us to find an answer. Who knows you could be the one to find the answer to the common cold?
Never stop questioning what you don't understand or feel is wrong. If you feel you can do better than someone else has than try. Never question you own abilities and never think you or anyone else is crazy just because you or they are in disagreement.
I'm 13, female. I feel nothing. For about a year, I haven't been happy, sad, embarrassed, or anything. I know why. Long story short, my dad sucks, and I hate him. Other than anger and frustration, I'm empty inside. Accordinng to my research online, it's probably some sort of defense mechanism. I don't take antidepressants anymore. No one believes me. I go to a therapist, and she thinks I'm ignoring it, supressing it. I'm not, I'm not. I don't even want to tell my parents. They'll say the same thing. Question is, what's wrong with me?
First I have a question. Is your father verbally or physically abusing you? If so you need to tell the police or your therapist about this. Abuse of a child is not only wrong it is also illegal.
Abuse comes in many forms. There is physical, verbal and sexual abuse. They increase in both pain and depth of as only one of these leaves marks that can be seen by anyone. The others take a trained doctor to see or figure out.
Generally teenage females write us about problems with their mothers more than with their fathers. Boys seem to have more problems with their dads.
One of your problems is you are what the doctors call non-compliant with your treatment and medications. Now it is very possible you are on the wrong medication. I'm not a doctor so I cannot begin to say what the right medication would be. For medication you should be seeing a Board Certified psychiatrist. No your not crazy, your most likely suffering teenage depression. A Board Certified psychiatrist is better qualified to prescribe medication then the family doctor as what is most likely the cause, besides stress, is two chemicals secreted in the brain are insufficient to help stabilize moods. A Board Certified psychiatrist is better trained to treat this illness than the family doctor.
Next is your therapist. Whatever you say to your therapist stays with your therapist. Nothing gets past back to your parents. When the therapist meets with your parent(s) they talk in general terms about what they can do to help you and what might be bothering you. They never repeat anything you say to them as anything you say to them is strictly confidential. So you should feel free to be open and honest with your therapist and speak about anything and everything that bothers you. Including if you feel you are being abused by anyone.
Now it is possible that you are not comfortable with this therapist. Not everyone clicks with the first therapist they meet. You may be seeing a male therapist and would be more comfortable with a female therapist. It is also possible you are seeing an older therapist someone who gives of an adult authority and vibe to you making it hard to speak openly. You might be more comfortable with a younger therapist probably a female in their twenties. If so say so.
You are seeing a therapist because your parents, yes plural, want to help you and get you to a more comfortable place in life. If the tools they have supplied, the doctors and therapists, are not helping you need to speak up and ask to see different doctors.
I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I have gone through a bout of depression though I was much older when it happened. So I know how you are feeling. You are in a position where only you can truly advocate for yourself as no one who has not been where you are with this illness cannot truly advocate for you.
Speak up, shout if you must but let mom, dad or your therapist know exactly how you feel and what you are feeling. Cry if you must I did, many times when I was with my therapist. By the way I went through two other therapist before I found one I was comfortable with.
In short I do not feel there is anything wrong with you other than you must learn to speak up for yourself. Open up to your therapist, if your not comfortable with this therapist say so. If the medication is doing nothing for you then you must tell the doctor and the doctor will try another medication. If you will do as I just wrote I promise you if nothing else, such as any type of abuse is going on in your lie, you will feel better about yourself and you will get better.
Hello...i am 13 and i cut. well it stared over me being very stressed about my grades and thought i was going to fail 7th grade. i know i am smart and capable of being the best i can..i just let myself fall..i was in the shower one night and a broken razor used to shave your legs or whatever, was there. i herd people cut to relive pain...so me being a curious girl i did it..it felt good but than i started to freak out!! my wrists wouldnt stop bleeding...my mom and dad were out and my 17 year old brother (who i am very close with)was in his room and i had to tell someone. knowing he would understand i got out of the shower got dressed and ran into his room. i was crying and he asked me what was worng...i look at him with teary eyes and just flipped over my wrist. he started crying and pulled me into a tight hug. he said stuff like "you are so much better!" and "never feel like you have to hurt yourself!" and "your so beautiful and talented, why?" i didnt answer i just cried in his arms. soon when i felt better i tould him why i was depressed. and also my parents had been mad at me for my grades..so that too. also my grandmother who i was also very close too, had just passed away. my brother understood and was there to support. i asked him if he would promise to never tell my mom and dad and he promised. little did i know...he would break that promise. i went to bed because i just wanted to sleep from all the stress. later that night i guess my bro tould my parents when they got back. i was kind of half awake and half asleep when i heard my door open. my mom came and sat on my bed...took my hands from under my blanket and looked at my writst. she woke me up and started yelling and sceaming on how dumb i was to do that...my dad always agrees on everything my mom says so he just did the same thing...story short it caused a huuuuge shit storm between me and my mom...not so much my dad cause he was sort of calm. so i promised i would never do it again. now today at school i get called up to the office to see the couclier...i already knew what was coming. i was freaked out and crying the whole time. i stayed there for at least an hour or two, just venting. they said they would have to call my parents and let them know. i was sobbing begging them please not to tell...i tould them my mother would never look at me the same way again...i cut on my leg this second time btw. so they called in my bro. i tould him everything and we promised the school him and i would tell my parents tonight. it is 6:32 p.m. and i am scared to death..my mom thought i was crazy and mental the first time...and now the second...i am going to never be looked at the same by her...and that hurts...how should i approch them? please help....i am just a 13 year old girl who feels scared and alone...please....help. :(
I should not say what I am about to say. But it needs to be said so I will say it. First let me say I am old enough to be your grandfather and I would tell this to your mother if I had the ability to say so.
How your mother handled the news of your cutting yourself the first time was very wrong. You did not need to be yelled at. What you needed was and still is professional help. The type of help only a doctor can provide. Cutting is a cry for help. It says your in pain and your depressed.
Losing your grandmother and looking as if you would fail the 7th grade are two good reasons to bring on what doctors now call teenage depression. Yes it is an actual diagnoses for what your grandparents and great-grandparents once called a phase teenagers would sometimes go through.
Part of the problem is puberty and all the new hormones floating threw you. Then you have the stress of teenage life and all the new responsibilities expected of you as you are no longer looked at as a child; yet you are not an adult either. Then their are the social aspects of being a teenager along with fighting off boys.
Frankly without the added stress of loosing a grandmother or poor grades it is a wonder more teenagers are not depressed. There is help for this depression as it is a form of clinical depression. Meaning your not crazy just over stressed and the two chemicals that are secreted in your brain to manage stress are not sufficient at this time and you become depressed. The doctors can provide supplements to help and with talk therapy to identify the stressors and help you deal with them; the depression can be controlled and eventually disappear.
If you did tell mom last night as you promised to do and she started screaming again. Then she is again wrong and not helping you. She is just adding to your stress. What you need to do is either ask your brother to take you to the closest hospital Emergency room or you need to dial 911 and ask for help. Once you are with doctors mom will be informed just how sick you are after they examine you. Now I said sick not mental. Depression is an illness that is treated with medication first.
Neither mom or dad will be able to stop the people who 911 sends to you from examining you and taking you to the hospital if they feel the need is there. So be truthful with them.
There will be a police officer there for just this purpose to look out for your safety and well being plus fire fighter EMTS to take care of you.
Depression hurts but it doesn't have to. You need to get help and if your parents won;t get it for you then you need to get it for yourself. The quickest way to do that is to call 911.
So me&my friend are both 15/f and my friend has depression. It's getting worse and worse and its been going on for months now and I have no idea what to do for her..she needs help. However, she does NOT want to go to the doctors, she cant tell my parents and I cant tell mine..its out of the question. Also my school is just so untrustworthy , we tried talking to them before and theyre just so stupid and unhelpful its ridiculous. Without all that is there a way to help her? I mean im assuming unhelpful answers here, but I need something thanks!
As they say in the TV commercials Depression Hurts. I know because I have suffered clinical depression. You cannot deal with this yourself for it requires professional help. Without it depression can spiral out of control at anytime and that is when things get real scary.
It is not unusual for a teenager to suffer from depression. In fact instead of calling it clinical depression they now call it teenage depression as while the symptoms may be the same the cause behind the symptoms are slightly different. Your grandparents use to call this a phase children went through. We know better now.
By keeping you friends secret you are not helping her; you are in fact hurting her. Would you rather have a live friend who may initially hate you for telling someone about her or attend her funeral because you kept her secret.
I'm not trying to scare you into doing what you need to do. She may be able to hide her depression from her parents or her parents may think this is just a normal teenage reaction to puberty. Maybe it is maybe it is not only a qualified doctor can say for sure. One thing else is for sure is that if she is suffering from depression she could be just one depressive episode away from doing something to hurt herself.
There is nothing wrong with you informing your parents of what you are observing in her or what she may be telling you. Your parents then can decide if her parents need to be told and they can inform her parents. In talking with your parents about your friend you may be saving her life. I urge you to talk to your parents about this or the school nurse if you have one.