I have recently decided to stop using painkillers. I've been very successful and I am about to weeks clean. The only problem is I am always tired. I try to get enough sleep but even when I do I am very tired. I don't seem to be expereincing many of the withdraw effects I've read about, but the ones I do are fairly mild. Could me not being on the drug any more be related to always being tired or am I just not getting enough sleep?

Unfortunately I know what it is like to be addicted to pain killers. I suffer from a injury that causes Chronic back pain. Fortunately I am treated with Non-Narcotic pain medication. Though the downside to any medication is if you take it long enough you become addicted to it.

To stop this type of medication means to wean yourself from the medication slowly over a period of weeks, generally under a doctors supervision. Going cold turkey can be harmful and is why you can suffer from withdrawal symptoms.

To answer you question yes listlessness can be a symptom of withdrawal and one that may need to be checked out by a doctor. If you have stopped this pain medication on your own with out medical supervision, whether this drug was prescribed for you or not. I urge you to see your doctor for a check up and help with the withdrawal/recovery; especially if you did so cold turkey. You could have harmed yourself in ways you are not aware of and the withdrawal symptoms you feel you are having could be signs that medical treatment is needed.


Hello Advicenators: I shop and spend a lot of Money at Menard's. It is a big box home improvement store. It is or was my favorite store. They have more of my monthly income than a food store. I try to keep busy and have many projects to keep my mind busy, so to speak. I am on Social Security Disability. I am 58 years old and on a fixed income. About a month ago (since that is the day I last visited) I was at Menard's at 6:30 when they opened. The floor scrubber guy was following me around and came within inches of hitting me. I have a psychiatric condition due to my disability. I have not been back to Menard's since for fear. I contacted the manager. He sent me two dog toys and apologized. I just feel terrible. This store really has me scared. Do I have any legal recourse here for some sort of compensation? Respectfully, Dzadzy

I'm sorry you had a bad experience at what was your favorite store. You should not let something like this keep you from enjoying your hobbies. As the saying goes if you fall of a horse you must get right back on or you never will.

As for legal recourse you do not have any. You can of course check with an attorney. People have sued for less and been compensated mostly for what is considered nuisance amounts any were from $1,000 to $10,000 dollars depending on what the insurance company feels it will cost them to take the suit to court.

In general though the only person that gets rich is the attorney as these types of actions are not the ones they take on where they take a portion of what they win for you; depending on state law that can be as much as 40% to 50%. Instead they bill you by the hour and you pay for every minute of their time. You can tell how good they feel the case you have based on what terms they will take the case on under.

My advice is it will cost you more than you can win to sue them. Talk to your therapist about what happened and go back to the store later in the day when they will not be cleaning the floors.


My grandparents are extremely important to me and I don't use to be like that. I used to feel that I might die if anything happened to them however lately I started to feel disgust(not exactly but dont noe wat else) and can't feel anything when they are sick. Once my grandfather had a heart attack and all I could think of was "I should be worried". I have problems with my father who repeatedly make troubles bcause he kept thinking badly of my grandparents ( they were my mother's parents).I also use to hate my father but recently can't bring myself to. Everything simply went opposite. Deep down I knew it was because I unconsciousLy chose it this way as a defensive mechanism. What I want to know is, how I can change my mindset again? I KNOW I love my grandparents and don't want to be that unfilial child that can't feel anything even when they die.I know it sounds rlly ironic but everything I mentioned is true

What is happening to you is a defence mechanism one you have unconsciously built to deal with most likely some type of abuse; physical or mental. It is a close cousin, so to speak, of building an alter personality to deal with things you do not want to deal with. It is a total defense mechanism.

To fix this and get back to who you really are takes the help of a professional such as a psychologist and talk therapy to find the root cause of why you built this wall. Everything that you say to the therapist is confidential as is never repeated to anyone.

To start the process you need to see your family doctor as the therapist is going to want you to have a complete physical. This is to rule out any organic reason for why you feel this way. As a teenager hormones of puberty can be playing a part and your family doctor can help with that. When you see your doctor ask to be screened for depression. Why? The way you feel is usually partly due to depression. If you are showing signs of depression it would not be unusual for a young teenager. They even have a name for it now, they call it teenage depression and once again it is partly caused by the hormones of puberty something your doctor can help with.

Should your family doctor give you any medication be very compliant with the medication and take it at the same time every day. Medication for hormone imbalance works best if taken at the same time each day. Once any organic problems are found and treated you and your therapist can work together, much better, to find what triggered this change in you. You may be surprised when you realise what the true trigger may be. You think you know and you maybe correct. Then again it could be something altogether different. I was surprised while discussing something with my therapist a light bulb literally went off in my head and a door opened to something I locked away in my adolescence. Turns out it had been the cause of my problem for many years.


22 year old female and I realize I will never be normal. I had been diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder, but have always had symptoms. I'm not healthy. I believe I never will be. I can't continue to lie to myself. When I was 15 in a down rage I took a box cutter and went up and down my left arm with slashes. I still have to live with that because it's visible and we live in a very accepting world. I've been going back and forth into deep depression since before I could remember like middle school it just hasn't stopped since. Entire family has given up on me. And quite frankly I'm coming to terms with the fact that I will never lead a normal life.

I'm not sure of what your question is, I hope your not continplating suicide for you have no reason to. Being bipolar does not mean you cannot lead a normal life.

The biggest problem with being bipolar is non-compliance with medication. When you are on your meds you feel fine and see no reason to take your meds or see your doctor or therapist. So you stop taking your meds you go manic and then it is a fight to get you back on your meds. You may even have to hospitalized until the right combination of medication is found to keep you from being manic. Then your released and it starts all over again.

If this sounds like you I can understand why your family may have given up on you. My writing this may also be meaningless to you depending if your manic or not.

The only advice I can offer you is if you are not taking you medication get yourself to a hospital. Call 911 if need be but get to a safe place where people can help you. The best place for that is the closest hospital.


19, male. So over the past few months I've changed my perspective on many things. A few months ago I would have never behaved how I am now. It just seems like everything around me is fake. I've been planning on bringing an escort to my house as soon as my visiting family guests leave. I don't see the point in having a normal relationship at my age. I don't have the time for it anyway. My last relationship ended because I was always at work. Every time I see couples, they seem so fake and generic. Like everyone follows a made up standard of how a relationship should be. To add to it, I no longer see the point in being all emotional. Once you fall for it, if anything goes wrong, you get hurt. I let that happen to me before. I ended up ruining a friendship and slowing down my own progress with my life goal endeavours. So why should I put myself in that situation again? I'll actually save money and time by seeing escorts. No one gets hurt and I help the economy, along with gaining experience. A few months ago I would have disagreed with myself. I just don't want my friends and family to find out.Ironically, a lot of people think highly of me. But they're not going to understand, everyone's view on what's right and whats wrong is different. I bet if there were a guaranteed no judgment setting where nobody could judge them , they'd do things they would never do now , cause there'd be nobody around to tell them they're wrong. And I know the risks of STD's. The dilemma there is that someone you love and trust can give you one too. So there's no way to be completely safe from it. I honestly see more pros than cons, the cons are mostly universal in the fact that they can be found in normal relationships anyway. But the pros seem to heavily outweigh the cons, I get to stay working, I could focus on my goals, I get what I want, and I save time and money.How am I wrong for this??And I know it's selfish,but you need to be selfish to succeed, I'm not living and working for other people so. Just can't let my family and friends know.

Though somewhat understandable given the circumstance written you are way so young to have the outlook on life that you have. While it appears you have a great work ethic I am left wondering why with such a work ethic you are not in college Such a strong work ethic backed by a college degree will go far and may just change your outlook on life.

As for hiring Escorts; unless you live in Nevada it is illegal and then only in one of the legal brothels for which you must be 21. They say prostitution is a victimless crime, but is it. Many of the girls in it are victims controlled by pimps who take their money and beat them when they don't produce enough. High price call girls are not all that different. It is called the oldest profession for a reason as it is a profession of last resort for those that practice it. A means to an end that never comes. Those that use these services are contributing to those reasons and problems.

In many states the Johns are now targeted and prosecuted by police. Something to think about, one hours pleasure can do you a lifetime of harm and I am not talking about and STD. A police record for any type of sexual offence. which this would be, would disqualify you for any job requiring a security clearance and some bonding companies could refuse to offer a bond for jobs that require bonding. Something to think about.

I also agree you should take some time off from dating. Give yourself some time to heal and put things in their proper perspective, Take time to look at your goals and see how a college education may enhance those goals. If money is an issue start by attending your local community college where the courses are less expensive. You can complete your degree online. It will take longer, it will be worth it and with your work ethic I see no reason why you will not be successful.


One of my friends self harms, I am the only one who knows about it. I too used to self harm so I know how hard it is. I want to be there for her but she annoys me so much. She is clingy and she always insults me. The worst thing is she guilt trips me into everything she wants me to do saying "do my homework or I will cut myself and it will be your fault" or "if you don't give me the money I will cut myself and we don't want that". I tried to stand up for myself but she just guilt tripped me in to shutting up. I know she is a toxic person but I feel guilty if I cut her out of my life, what shall I do? I am only 14 and I can't handle it, I just want to focus on getting my GCSES please help.

In a manner of speaking you are enabling her cutting by allowing her to use the threat of self harm to control you. This is not good for you or her. The only thing you can do is stop enabling her.

What you should do is tell your parents what is happening and let them go to her parents take care of her. What she needs is counseling. Both for the cutting and using it to control people. Should your parents tell you not to be her friend that they do not want to be involved. Then go to a trusted teacher or your school principal take care of this. Once informed of something like this by law they must act for the safety and welfare of the student.

By going to your parents or teacher you are not informing on her. You may be just saving her life. Cutting is dangerous. Cutting in the wrong place or too deep and a person can bleed out before help can arrive.

If she gets made at you for say anything just say to her; "I hope it is a long hatred for I rather you be mad at me then I attend your funeral." If she gets the proper help one day she will come to you and thank you.


Hello, porn is wrecking my life. I am 24 and revert to it every few weeks or months for up to an hour - way too much. It makes me really depressed and I feel unstable mentally because of it. I don't want to pursue a relationship till I feel a bit more stable as I don't want to screw up anyone else's life. I guess the obvious answer is STOP DOING IT but it is like a drug that seems impossible to break! :(
What should I do?

You are not by any definition of the word addicted; addicted to porn. If you spend 1 hour viewing or reading porn and then can walk away for weeks or months at a time that is not an addiction. An addiction is when you cannot live without something, when must get your daily fix and you spend all your time trying to get that fix or in the case of porn or other things lavishing in the addiction.

I don't have an exact word for your problem but it is something like self-loathing after indulging in some form of porn. Why you may feel that way I really cannot say for certain. Most likely it has to do with upbringing, religious beliefs or both.

Porn does have it's place, if it didn't it would not be a multi billion dollar industry. If you're thinking porn only caters to the degenerates of the world you would be wrong. There is not enough of that class of people to support this industry to where it has grown. Most soft porn and some hardcore porn has become socially acceptable even though it remains somewhat closeted and viewed in secrecy.

Porn is also a relief valve for (young & older) people to masturbate with and relieve sexual tension. In some instances porn is a teaching aide for the young people to learn from. In older people they can indulge in some fantasy through porn before actually indulging themselves.

Porn definitely has its place in society. It is still something most people in polite society are not going to discuss around the water cooler. Though there is a good chance 4 out of 4 people around that water cooler have indulged in some type of porn during the past week and this includes that cute secretary. Have you ever read some of those Romance novels women read. They are more trashy than some of the porn novels men read.

In my view you are not addicted to porn. If you feel porn is a problem and you need help then you should see a psychologist as they are the ones qualified to help you.


im a male who cannt control my need to wear high heels away from work ones with a 6 or 7 inch heel if I don't I get depressed

Hey you have a harmless fetish, no problem. If it helps you from becoming depressed then it is a good thing. There are any number of fetishes out there today many far more harmful that wearing high heeled shoes. Yours is a harmless fetish you can indulge in with complete privacy by using the web to purchase your shoes.

Since you only made a statement there is not much else we or I can say to you. though if you have a question please write us back.


What is considered the normal way to grieve for a beloved friend who has recently committed suicide? Is it abnormal or even crazy to dump your current significant other of several months and develop romantic feelings for the guy who died? (Let's call that guy Levi just so we have something to call him BTW.) Would that be sick or unhealthy in any way?

I just miss Levi so, so much. I miss the time I had with him, I miss his smile, his laugh, his wonderful ability to make me and anyone else laugh until we hurt. Most of all, I miss his kind, generous, and loving heart.

I'd do anything to be able to go back in time and save him, or even just spend some more time with him. I'd give a kidney, an ovary, an eye, a limb, and 40 years off of my life to have been able to prevent his death, but of course it's too late.

I've also seemed to develop a bit of an anger issue since his death. Sometimes I feel like Jekyll and Hyde because I can be calm one minute, explode the next, and then go back to being calm. I don't know if this anger is really for Levi, the situation, or myself for taking him for granted.

One thing that can easily spark my anger is people judging him. As a devout Christian, I believe in Heaven and Hell, but unlike some, I don't believe that suicides go to Hell. Not if they've accepted Jesus that is. I believe that anyone who does that to themselves cannot be in their right minds and that God has mercy on them for that reason. Levi was mentally ill with bipolar disorder and clinical depression. Something was not working right in his brain at the moment he decided to end his own life and I believe God understood that and took him to Heaven where is happier and doesn't suffer the problems he did here on earth.

Needless to say, some people don't feel the same way and I get so mad when I hear some judgemental person who thinks they know more than God claim that Levi's in Hell. These people did not even know him. He was a devoted Christian, he loved God, he accepted Jesus, but these people claim that he died because he worshipped the "God of the unbelievers" as if that even makes sense. Also, they put him down and spit on him for killing himself when they have no idea what a great, kind hearted person he was. He really, honestly was an inspiration to me to be a better person, but his suicide was caused by him being sick, not cruel or selfish and certainly not evil.

The break up with the guy I was seeing was partially caused by romantic feelings for Levi and partially because I felt that I needed some space from my now ex that guy. He was a great guy, but I felt like things were kind of dying between us anyway. I don't want to become the kind of person who distances herself from everyone and keeps all of her feelings bottled up though, nor do I want these new feelings for Levi to make his death more painful.

Are these feelings normal? Is having grown an obsession with suicide and mental illness normal for someone in my situation? What is the normal, textbook way to mourn the loss of such a precious life that did not have to end, but that did end at the hands of the person whose life it was? Any tips on how to get through this?

I would say your grief is normal. People grieve in their own way. Then there are many different stages of grief. From what you have written you have gone through several of them and will probably go through others.

I lost a great friend someone I called my brother from another mother a few years ago. At first I was very mad at him for leaving me, not that he had a choice he was very sick. I hurt for a long time and writing this to you brings back some of that hurt. Football season is coming and my missing him will return to the forefront of my mind as we would spend hours in friendly arguments as to whose team was better. I miss those times and others.

Different from you is I don't have others talking bad of him and that is wrong, especially if they know how you feel about him. You have your beliefs and they have theirs some have very strong beliefs when it comes to suicide. I suggest you let them speak their mind a just let it roll of your back as you will not convince them otherwise. Get mad at them or arguing with them will not change things.

As for having romantic feelings for your friend now that he has passed; I feel this is one of the stages of grief that you have to go through in order to grief for your friend. This is part of your grieving process so that makes it normal. If I were a female I could see myself grieving in a similar manner for my friend as we were that close.

Our friendship was the type where we were never all that close geographically but in spirit we were always together. One of us always knew when the other needed the other. It was strange how we would call one another when one of us was having a bad day or just feeling down. That phone call changed our whole prospective on the day. I miss these calls and there is no one who can take their place.

If this is the type of friendship you had with Levi then you have the right to grieve in your own manner. You need time to grieve as well and the grief doesn't stop at the end of the calendars grieving period.

Grieve for your friend as long as you need to and always remember him. The hurt though should stop soon if it doesn't then you might want to consult with a grief consular to help with the grieving process.


My friend and i were just at the pool hanging out and these boys came up to us and started talking to us. We thought they were nice...but we thought wrong. They took us to the shallow end and started jumping on us and then they started touching us... IN THOSE PLACES!! We tried all we could to get away from them but we couldn't get away. Then they started doing that with us. we felt their you-know-whats on our frontal privates and our back privates. so basically what I'm trying to say is that they ra*** us. when they finally stopped, we got out of the pool and started crying. I need something to keep my mind off of wanting to beat the living hell out of all of them but nothing is working. Usually music and dancing is what gets my mind off of things, but not this time. Can you give me any songs or anything to do to not want to beat the living hell out of them and am able to go to the pool without remembering what happened?

You were not raped, what you were was sexually harassed WHICH IS A FELONY CRIME. What you need to do is call the police and report the boys who did this to you. I just as certain that the boys thought they were just having some fun, what they did may have been fun to them but under the law it was a crime and they need to learn that they cannot have this type of fun at other peoples expense.

By reporting what happened to you and your friends several things happen.

1. These boys learn what they did was wrong and they get punished by the courts for doing so.

2. Other boys learn that what these boys did was wrong and what can happen to them if the do as they did. By making a police report of this and allowing the police to handle this you send a message to every other boy in school and around town that this type of fun is unacceptable.

3. It starts the healing process for you as it brings some closure to what has happened to you. This event was very traumatic for you and it needs to be dealt with a closure for you has to happen. Closure must include punishment for those who hurt you.

You also need to tell your parents, not that you need them to make the police report. The police will take a report from you but they will also want to talk with your parents if you are under a certain age. So it is best that you tell your parents what happened. Yes the will be upset but not at you. YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG, PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT.

There are other things that only your parents can do to make sure this never happens again. Such as finding out why the life guards did not see this and stop it. If the life guards did see it why was it not reported to the police and in their daily report to the pool operator.

Last there is a phone number I would like you to call and to give to your friends. it is 1-500-656-HOPE. This number will connect you to an organization called RAINN. RAINN stands for Rape, Incest, Abuse, National Network. The calls are anonymous and confidential. They are answered by trained volunteers who can help you find the right help in the form of counselors in your home town who can help you deal properly with this. The phone is answered 247 365 days a year.

Please tell your parents, make a police report and call RAINN.


20/f I was admitted into a partial care program after OD'ing in an attempt to kill myself. It's been a few days into the program, a little more than a week since the attempt has been made.

Right now I'm in a bit of a bubble, so to speak. I haven't been out with friends, I'm not going to work, really the only communication I have at the moment is through Facebook. Our family has moved around quite frequently, but I've kept a lot of my friends through FB, and we talk frequently. Anyhow, what I'm torn about is whether or not I should post a "life update" status, if you will, and inform everyone of what's going on, why I'm so quiet and cooped up lately.

I guess what I'm concerned about is whether or not it's appropriate. I planned on making it a "friends only" status, but of course there are many acquaintances I have as FB friends as well. But I want to be honest for once, I'm sick of hiding how I feel or what I'm going through, I've been doing that for over 5 years, and look where it got me. Everyone knows me as the cheerful one, the one they can depend on. Right now I need to be able to be myself, and have support. I feel like continuing to hide and keep everything hushhush is a bad way to do that.

I don't know, I'm torn on whether or not it's a good idea to post about it. Any thoughts/opinions please?

When I finally admitted to myself that I suffered from depression and needed help. I decided to do as my brother in-law who is a recovering alcoholic does in his aa program. I chose to follow some of the steps in their 12 step program that applied to me and my illness.

One of those steps is being truthful to yourself and others. Not everyone is going to be supportive or understanding of what your going through. The ones that do understand will be supporting of you. The ones that don't understand or you somehow hurt while being depressed will not be supporting and may even say some hurtful things to you.

These are these are the people that concern me at the moment. Do you feel being only a few days into your program that you are strong enough to take whatever criticism or accept any hurtful things that might be said back to you. I know that it took me months to get to this point in my therapy before I was strong enough to take the bad with the good.

While I agree with you 100% that this is something you should do I would suggest you first talk this over with your therapist. See how the therapist feels about you doing so at this point in your recovery. Trust your therapist, he or she has only your best interest at heart.

You and I didn't get as far depressed as we did overnight. I didn't recover overnight and neither will you. I recovered and so will you if you do the work asked of you to recover.

Recovery takes time and it takes work. Trust your therapist and the therapist will tell you when you can do this and some other things you may want to do such as start to date again. When you reach that point you will be well on your way to a full recovery.

I didn't quite fall as far as you but it was close. I'm always here and I have a big shoulder if you want to talk you can always send me private messages.


Hi to everyone who comes across this page. I am a male in my late 20's. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar type disorder as a teenager. I have seen many psychiatrist's since then and have been put on a variety of drugs. The last prescription I was given was for Abilify. I started taking it about four years ago. Without my current psychiatrist's approval or knowledge I have been off it for about three months now. I don't believe I am insane. At least not yet. The problem I am having is that I can't identify with myself. I hate to do this, I don't like to whine and complain about my life. It makes me think I am ungrateful for what I have. I don't like posting this online where any random creep who feels like spreading negativity can reply to my post but I have no one to talk to in real life. My thoughts are really not making sense to me and can be entirely disturbing at times. I feel out of control, fatigued, and worst of all abnormal. Like I don't fit in with society. I believe I am inferior to most people because most people are self assured and social. I am not self assured and I don't have any friends. Not even one. My purpose for posting this is to ask if anyone has had similar experiences and how did you get past all the negativity and start being more positive and self accepting?

HI, I do not suffer with the problems you suffer with though I do have a couple of friends that are suffering with bipolar disorder. Also my wife works for the largest supplier of mental health services in the country. Through her work we are friends with a number of psychiatrist and psychologists several of whom deal with disorders like yours.

No you are not insane but you do have a mental illness that can be controlled with medication. One of the biggest problems with the problems you are dealing with is when you are on your medications you feel fine. You see no reason to take your medications and you go off them. When you do you head down the path you are now on.

You need to get back on the Abilify and any other medications you have stopped taking. You also need to call your psychiatrist and make an appointment to see him or her urgently. Tell the appointment secretary you went off your medications and need to see the doctor.

Most important is you get back on your medications and take them as directed until you see your doctor. Then follow the doctors directions for when you are to take the medications.

Also write yourself a note that you can put on your refrigerator to see everyday reminding you that you feel good because of your medications. The note should also remind you of what is like when you are off your medication as part of the problem you have is you don't remember what the other side of the illness is like. Let the not be a reminder so you stay on your meds.


So lately I have gone to sleep and been waking up with my whole body vibrating and I can't move or talk at all until I build up the strength to move a little and I read about it obviously cause I was freaked out and I was in sleep paralysis and I brushed it off and recently it happened again and I couldn't breathe and I was getting really scared and which made it even harder to breathe so my question is what's exactly is sleep paralysis and how do I get rid of it

I found a very good article on sleep paralysis From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. I will include the URL for it at the bottom.

First I have to say that none of us are doctors and that sleep paralysis is a sleep disorder that requires a proper diagnoses especially when having repeated attacks. From what I was able to briefly scan sleep paralysis as you described is likely to happen to any or all of us at one time or another and is usually an isolated event. I have had a similar attacks; twice that I can remember. Both were after very trying days.

If you are having repeated attacks close together then from what I was able to read this falls into a classification of a sleep disorder. As you will see in reading the article that is attached there are medications and treatments that can limit these attacks.

These attacks can very well be stress related. The school year is starting and maybe you changing schools going from middle school to high school. Maybe you signed up for challenge classes and don't know what to expect. Maybe this is your last year of High school I don't know you so I can't say. What I can say is that these times and these challenges can be very stressful on today's teenager and this is how the body deals with the stress.

What I suggest is that you see a doctor and tell the doctor what is going on. Since school is starting if you haven't had a physical yet for this year now is a good time to have one. The bodies way of dealing with what might be just too much stress is not good. The doctor can help and not all of the medications I saw that the use are tranquilizers. Some are hormone replacements to replace missing hormones that puberty has yet to supply which would help with stress.

My suggestion is see your doctor. This may not be a big problem but it is big enough to cause you more stress and therefore a reason to see your doctor.



Hi, I'm a 14 year old girl and I don't really feel normal. For starters my breasts are too small and I'm short, so I'm physically falling behind all of my peers. I know that I'll catch up though, so that only hurts my self esteem, but I'll be ok. What I'm really concerned with is mental development. I feel like I'm too "hormonal". I Masturabate once every two days or so and I have sex fantasies and things like that (although I'm not going to actually have sex for a long time). It just concerns me because most of the kids at my school seem so innocent, like they don't have hormones, or fantasies, or anything. So an I the only one? Am I "normal"?

Relax your normal. Masturbation is something most people, including teenagers don't talk about. In your case masturbating once every two days puts you at the low end of the scale.

Most teenagers, especially boy, need to masturbate at least once a day to deal with all the new hormones being released into their body. Masturbation is not only normal it is the best way for a young teenager to deal with the sexual energy now floating through them as they go through puberty. Sexual fantasies and masturbation go hand in hand so this too is normal.

Masturbation is, according to a recent survey, something 85% of the population does. This means in a 3.4 out of every 4 people masturbate. If you are in a family of 4 this means that you and your parents masturbate. For your parents it usually means they do so as part of foreplay before sex and would include, fingering, oral sex and hand jobs.

Masturbation is not a sin, it is just not something the church, Rabbi's or Imams condone. The why of it is because it is felt the pleasure derived from masturbation will lead young people to the real thing. As an adult I don't believe this.

Masturbation allows you to get in touch with your sexuality in a safe and comfortable way. So you are normal. Relax and allow yourself to enjoy getting to know your body and sexuality. Just do so in the privacy of your bedroom with your door closed.


Hi there,I will be going on a trip to California next month and Im scared as I can be!!
Im terrified of planes and flying!!!
I have this fear,because I dream quite frequently that Im going to die,or have died on a plane because it crashed!!
I seriously dont want to get on a plane,but kts not avoidable.Just thinking about it gives me even more anxiety than I already have.
To make it worse,I have to change planes on the way!! I know Im being chicken,and I need to get over it.But Im so so scared!!
I have flown about 5 times actually,but its been 12 years since I have flown.
Can anyone help me as to how I cannot be afraid anymore??

If you can find a psychologist who would be willing to give you extensive therapy between now and the time you have to leave. A psychologist is really the only person who can work with you to help you get over the fear of flying, though it takes time.

You could also seek the help of hypnotist to help you. They can put a suggestion in you while you are under that can reduce your anxiety. The last resort is to ask your doctor for a mild tranquilizer to take just before departure and again while changing planes. Mile tranquilizers can usually be taken 4 hours apart.

If you do go the tranquilizer route DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL WHILE TRAVELING. Alcohol at altitude has a much stronger effect than on the ground.

Now I could sit here a write about how safe it is to fly. How safe todays passenger aircraft are and how it is more likely you would get hit by a bus crossing the street then by dying in a plane crash. Somehow I think you know all this and trying to rationalize an irrational fear. It just doesn't work. Try one of the three I suggested.


I'm 20/f.

Most of the time I like being a girl. I'm a very girly person in general. I like wearing dresses, I have long hair, I like necklaces, stuffed animals etc.

The thing is that when it comes to having sex or a romantic relationship with someone I'd rather be a guy. Whenever I have sex with my boyfriend I feel so uncomfortable because I just don't like being a girl in bed. I also don't like being dominant, so that's not the problem. I'm just uncomfortable with my private parts and my whole gender when it comes to these things.
Because of this, we don't have sex very often.

Whenever I fantasize about either sexual or romantic relationships, I think of myself as a guy. Anything else just turns me off. I also don't like heterosexual pairings. I usually just read books or watch movies about two guys being in a relationship because a girl would just ruin the whole story for me.
This leads to another problem I have.
I don't get along with girls. Just their presence makes me feel really uncomfortable. Whenever there is a girl around, I just want to get away. I don't have any friends that are girls, I just feel really weird around them and usually don't get along with them very well.

I don't know if I'm really born in the wrong body or anything like that, because as I said, I'm not tomboy-ish, I like being girly and dressing girly.

I don't know what's wrong with me. :(

I'm really not sure how to answer you on this. I not sure if any of us are qualified to answer you. I can speak quite well on sexual identity questions, Transgender, homosexuality and other sexual problems.

Your question though takes a turn I've never encountered before that being you like being a girl except when having sex. You don't like girls so you can't be a lesbian and you don't fit, at least to my understanding a transgendered person. Neither do you fit the definition for Pansexual.

What I suggest since there may not be any among us that can offer you any help is that you contact a psychologist who specializes in sexual identity and dysfunction. I do not believe you are sexually dysfunctional though I do believe your problem my be in the area of sexual identity.


Hi this will sound really weird but a couple of days ago my head started to feel really numb like if i held ice on it or something and it still does and whenever someone talks to me I don't understand them right away and it has been taking me a while to respond. I can't get a doctors appointment until September and I am worried because I have been forgetting a LOT of things and I felt really stupid and embarrassed today because I hit my head on a pole even though I was looking straight forward and should have known not to do it. It hasn't even been easy to write this on the computer. Does anyone know what might be happening, i don't really have as many thoughts in my head as i used to and my friends are calling me stupid what is wrong?

None of us are doctors so we can not make a diagnoses. From what you are saying I would suggest you go to the nearest Hospital Emergency Room and have this checked out.

Of the possibilities; you could be suffering a small blood leak to the brain. There is also a possibility of a tumor or blood clot. These are all serious conditions all of which require radiology exam to rule out.

All of the conditions are serious to life threatening. Do not drive, do not drive yourself to the hospital. In fact I would suggest even if you have someone that could drive you to the hospital that you call 911 and have them come and transport you. The paramedics can do a field assessment and transport you to the proper hospital based on their assessment.

This is the type of problem that is why we have the 911 system. Call them and let them assist you. Call 911 and get to a hospital now, today from wherever you are.


I'm a female and 15 years old I have no emotions I haven't felt anything since I was 8! My mother is worried about me because I have show a symptoms of depression lately. My mom says I'm depressed because I'm stressed but I think it's because I found out my father killed people and that's why he is in prison! I'm was courious if this was a normal thing or should I be worried or I don't exactly know so if anyone has anything that would help I would really apreciate it!

Having no emotion is an emotion of itself. Having no feelings is different and this may be what you are saying. From what you wrote I think this is what you are saying.

Your father being in prison for killing people can have an effect on you adversely as you describe. Now how your dad killed someone is important also. If say he did so unintentionally in an auto accident that is way different than intentional homicide. People go to prison for unintentional homicide just the same as for intentional homicide. The only difference is the term of incarceration.

I'm always here if you want to follow up and I would like to hear back from you as to how your are feeling. This is not how you have to live there is help. Please get the help that is out there.

Still this can be very stressful on a child so both you and your mother are correct. Stress causes depression. Depression causes pain which in your writing I believe you are saying is no emotion. Having been that depressed myself I belief this is what you're saying.

Feeling as you do one could say is both normal and abnormal. It is normal considering the circumstances that you would feel as you do. It is abnormal for you to have to lives this way for there is help for the depression, stress and pain you live with.

This help starts with a visit to your family doctor so that you can be properly diagnosed for the depression you suffer from. From there you follow your doctor's instructions as to what treatment is needed. By following your doctor's instruction and taking any medication your doctor or other doctors prescribe as prescribed. You will feel much better in about 4 to 6 weeks as the medicine and talk therapy do what they do best.

I'm always here if you want to follow up and I would like to hear back from you as to how your are feeling. This is not how you have to live there is help. Please get the help that is out there.


For almost 2 weeks, I have been taking Zoloft. I haven't felt better whatsoever. I thought it would be working by now, but it's not and I'm not sure when it will.
I have been experiencing countless moments of feeling like I am in a dream. I don't feel like I'm in my body. I do think I have depersonalization. I have been experiencing this for a couple years, but I feel like it has gotten worse. I overthink way too much, and I think it's caused by my anxiety. Whenever I think of the thought of not being in my own body, I get that feeling for long periods of time. I can't get my mind off it and I don't know what to do. I'm almost certain that Zoloft will help this go away, but the meds haven't worked yet.

Give the medication one moe week. If you don't start to feel better call your doctor In the mean time try to relax and give the medication a chance to work.


Would it be okay for me ti tslk to him on fb send him and texts and talk to him on the phone as long as I don't see him in person until I talk to her.

Yes I think that would be fine


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