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Location: No where you've heard of.
Member Since: July 16, 2007
Last Update: December 3, 2013
Okay, so when I was almost 17 I lost my virginity to a guy who was 22 at the time, he cheated on me, so I decided to quit trying to be with him, even though I cared for him a lot. We didn't speak to each other for a year. He sent me a message on facebook one day & we have been together for a little over a year now. When we first got back together I was the happiest I had ever been. We have lived together for 9 months, might I add, but the last 3 months things feel really different. I'm 18, almost 19 now, and he is 24. It kind of feels like the tables have turned. Like he's crazy over me now & idk how I feel anymore. I know that I love him with all of my heart & every time we fight and we break up I just can't let him leave & he doesn't want to leave either. I always think to myself, how could I ever be this close to someone again. But I just feel like I'm not happy anymore. I'm still young & I want to enjoy being out with my friends & stuff, but he says we never spend time together & WE live together. I'm always mean to him anymore & every little thing seems to get on my nerves. Why do I feel like this? Has anyone been in my position before? I honestly don't know how I feel. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to keep feeling this way. Like, I don't even want to have sex anymore & I use to all the time. I also feel like he has changed too! He used to always want to get out & do things, but now all he wants to do is stay home. Ya know, it's okay to stay home sometimes, but he has to understand that when he's at work, I stay here all day. We have talked about things & I've told him how I feel so many times & he thinks that after we talk, then the next day everything should be okay, but it's not. I still feel the same way. I just really need an outsiders point of view. Thanks guys! (link)
Yeah, lots of people have been in that situation.
You need space. What you need to do, is take some time and space for yourself. You need to not pin all of your needs to go out and party or whatever on him. Get with your friends and go out without him sometimes. Girls nights out or whatever. At the same time, he needs to compromise some and go out with you some of the time.
It's not his job to do everything with you and it's not your job to stay at home every night because that's where he wants to be. What is your job is to try to find somewhere to meet in the middle.
You want to be doing different things. This isn't about who you are, it's about what you want out of life right now. What you want changes over time, you might well be ready to settle down in a few years.
So the choices are to break up because things aren't working or to find some middle ground that lets things work. It's going to require trust, patience, and compromise if you want to make it, whether you want to give it a shot is up to the two of you, but either way you need to communicate your needs clearly and see what the possibilities are.