A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
Location: No where you've heard of.
Member Since: July 16, 2007
Last Update: May 22, 2013
Rated: 6 times
Average Rating: 4
So the times coming up to where i have to leave my family. I am an egyptian muslim girl and i live in america with my parents. I am a senior in high school and i am in a relationship with a boy whos in college thats two years older then i am. We have been together for almost three years know. My parents do not like him at all just because they caught me going out with him and also found a picture of us kissing. I think also because my parents are a little racist against bangali people. My parents right know are trying to get me engaged to another man in egypt but i keep refusing. I am turing 18 very soon and when that happens i am planning on leaving my house and telling my parents im going to marry my bf. I dont know if they will ever forgive me or want to see me again or even let me see my two little brothers. (link)
A very complex question.
I don't come anywhere near as I'd like to understanding the religious or national culture you come from.
I will take from your question that you are pretty set on this course. My perspective leads me to tell you that that is good. With your decision pretty much made comes dealing with the aftermath. That's where we hit the wall of my lack of knowledge or experience, I don't know what the fallout of your decision could possibly be.
A quick aside, the only views I've been exposed to tell me that it's possible your parents would try to physically restrain you, even force you to emigrate back to Egypt if confronted with this idea directly. To prevent you, even though you have reached an age where they have no legal grounds to do so in this country, from leaving the house, interacting with your boyfriend, etc etc.
If you confront them face to face, make sure someone knows where you are. Someone who can, in a worst case scenario, call the police to escort you out of the house if you cannot leave of your own free will and are subject to threats or even physical violence.
You know your family and customs better than I, so if you think denial of contact with your siblings is possible I'll take that at face value. I would think that your parents might well see this as "you've been poisoned by American culture to disobey them" or something similar and would want to prevent you from "harming" your siblings in a similar manner. In your shoes I would even be prepared to have your siblings turned against you, to learn that your parents had taught them that you walked down a bad path and wanted to lure them down it, to try to keep them from coming to the same conclusions you have and doing the same thing you are doing.
The marriage thing...
There are alot of factors that would influence what I have to say about that. On the purely practical side, marriage at 18 isn't the greatest idea. At 18 you really aren't a full adult yet. You aren't done with your own emotional and mental development as a person. Marrying a guy at 18, you could discover at 25 that he really isn't what you want in a husband, and then are faced with divorce (which I would imagine isn't something you want to contemplate).
On the other hand, if you are not an American Citizen then you might need marriage to obtain a permanent visa.
There are a ton of questions here that I cannot answer because your life situation is very complicated, at least potentially.
I don't really know where to go from here with advice. There are many possibilities in your situation and I don't know which ones are likely and which ones are not.
I'd say that, as best I can, I'll continue to try to help if you want to turn a question into a dialogue. Drop me a question in my inbox with more information if you'd like to talk more, tell me about your family, your history, anything culturally or religiously relevant, etc.
What are you most concerned about here? Legal rights to see your siblings? Just dealing with the emotions? Are you trying to decide the best way to do this? Are you questioning whether you want to? Let me know if you like, and I'll do what I can to help you figure things out.
YES my parents are abusive. They have said before if they find out i am still with him that they will send me back to egypt. Mostly everything planned and i told my bf that he would be waiting outside my house at that time. And i would already have all my things packed and in his car when i tell my parents. With my brothers thou they already know him very well and they love him to death and i told them when i leave that they would keep contact with me and they promised me they will and love me very much. 9 and 14 is there age. i know that i should not be getting married at 18. But i need to leave this house. My parents abuse me and don't let me go out much at all. Only school and staying after school since my mom made me quit my job because my uncle saw me smoking a cig. I am not close with my mom at all. she tells my dad everything i would tell her and she is so fake with me. yes i have my american citizen i been here since i was a little girl. But i go to egypt almost every summer to see the rest of my family down there.