about

Hello. My name Is Solemnstar.
I'm a fifteen year old (assumed) male-to-female Transexual.
I want to help, plain and simple.
I like plain and simple, I like to catergorize people, ptu them into nice little boxes in my head.
and I LOVE figuring out the ones that don't fit.

Chatspeak annoys me, It takes an extra two seconds to type the real words.


I don't anwser advice as often as I should. Mainly because of School.

advice

my boyfriend found out i cheated on him. he broke up with me. i miss him alot. i dont know what to do. i regret it and everything. i was just wondering if anyone as been in this situation and got their boyfriend back some how. please help me please

I have been in a situation like this, and you ahve to understand all the things it can mean to your BF.

To you, You made a mistake and regret it, you wish you had never done it. But you should learn to accept that you did, and ask him to know that you do still care about him. you made a mistake.
But to Him, It can say so much more. That He was not a good enough boyfriend to keep you interested, that you never cared about him and he was just a boy-toy. You have to understand that this seriously puts his confidence in himself to doubt.

Explain to him that you did that with no intent to harm him, but only as a mistake on a whim.
But don't deny that you cheated on him.
You did, and you have to accept that, you made the error, and this is your fault.
He may accept you back, but if he does, his trust in you will be shaky,so you have to do anything you can to make him comfortable in that he can trust you not to betray him again.

Solemnstar

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does liking a girl when u're a girl too instantly means that ur gay or bisexual?

-lily

nope.
Everyone gets a few homosexual crushes.
I've had one. But everyone else i've ever had intrest in was a Girl.
the point is, people when they are teenagers, experiment, because it's a part of a quest for identity.
So no, just liking one does not make you Homosexual or Bi-sexual.
but for instance looking for relationships only in same-sex partners would make you homosexual. Make sense?

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my boyfriend's internet was down and he didn't call me for 3 days so i was wondering if he was no longer interested. i checked his myspace page and found that this girl left him a comment saying "i'm talking to you on the phone right now. i loveee youuu" that got me pissed because i didn't know what she meant by "love". i asked her if they were going out and she wouldn't answer me. so then my boyfriend calls me 3 days later and he asks me if we are still going out because he said he's not going out with that girl and he said he's really sorry for everything. my friend had a feeling from the beginning that he was a cheater and a player so we put him to the test. i made up a new screen name and pretended to be one of his friends and here is our conversation


his friend - heeeeey its _____
my boyfriend - heyyyyy =)
his friend - i have something really important to tell you
my boyfriend - kay go ahead
his friend - well your not gonna believe this but i like you.....
his friend- more than a friend.
my boyfriend- oh really ??? =)
his friend - yeah are you going out with anyone?
my boyfriend - no (HE SAID THIS WHILE HE WAS TELLING ME HOW MUCH HE LOVED ME)
his friend- on you dumped that girl?
my boyfriend- yeah she was weird
his friend - did you ever like her?
my boyfriend - no i liked you

^^ that was me talking to my boyfriend who really thought it was his friend

so then i told him that he had been PUNK'D and i saw the whole conversation and i said "if you were so sorry why would you cheat on me?
his first reaction was "i think im gunna cry for the first time in my life and i cant believe this"
and then after he was done being shocked he was like oh my god im soo sorry. he said "i KNEW it wasnt my friend the whole time so i was just leading them on" and i go "uhm yeah right"

and now he tells me he STILL loves me. how can i believe it??? he'd probably cheat again

i haven't broke up with him yet but i'm really really mad and i just can't trust him. what if he was going out with that girl on myspace but just lied so i'd think he's single?

is what he did considered cheating?

what should i do?

Girl, you did the best thing you could. Yeah it was considered cheating in my opinion, the guy claimed to love you, and could'nt even be faithful.
Get rid of this guy, get him out of your life. you can't trust him.
He's just trying to save his own butt by saying he still loves you.

Solemnstar

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Is love a feeling or emotion? Why do people fool in love and why can't i find love?

Love... IS i think a feelings mroe then an emotion. peopel try to fool around in lvoe because they all want it, and you can't fidn love perhaps because you spent time asking us this.
Go out and enjoy life
SOlemnstar

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i met this guy like 4 months ago and no we are not going out but we have gone and dates and i also lost my virginity to him. The last two months i have found myself so caught up in him and im falling so hard for him. We dont talk on a daily basis maybe 4 times a week.

A month after i met him i really liked him and i told him that and he called me clingy and we got in this argument and stopped talking for three weeks. I dont want to repeat that but i really need him right now in my life.

Im the type of girl that only tells a guy i love you if i truely honestly mean it. And i really just want to tell him but how do i tell him with out him leaving?

thanks guys.

Guys need space.
They really do. they hate if anyone tries to chage them, or if maybe the hold on too tight, because they are afraid of losing the freedom being single has.
you need to let him have his space before you tell him.
You need him to see that you love him and trust him enough to be a little looser in terms of clingy-ness
When he sees that you trust him, you can tell him.
I'm glad you've found someone who you have such strong feelings for.
Best of luck in your future

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14/f

lately ive been just down. durning cheerleading practice (im very involved in cheerleading,its pretty much my life) im not doing as good and I feel fat because i am the biggest flyer and weigh just as much as the girls that lift me. other than that, i get realy stressed at school because my one teacher sucks at teaching. then my family just bugs the shit out of me alot too. also with my love life ive been threw alot and now i dont think my heart can fall for someone the same since what happened to me before. and i get so self conscience and i try to work out but let myself go and its just really stressful.

i just think i would feel 10 times better if i had someone to talk to besides friends. but i dont want people saying "i.m me" blabla when they havent experianced stuff that im going/gone threw.. which is sex, heartbreak, being used, multipul mood swings, unable to like someone for real, cheerleading stress (or anything with weight).

i apperiacte any help what so ever and i have my own column but can't figure out my problems. all you columists keep up the great work.

You want to talk?
if nothing else i can listen. you may feel uncomfortable talkign to someone you don't know anythign about. I can understand that.
You seem liek a very nice person, one who does'nt deserve all this stuff thats going on. Just keep in mind that the things that have happened to you have made you who you are, and that's something beautiful

I know most of what you've gone through.. execpt for the cheerleading stuff, but i'm physically male so... yeah..

Solemnstar

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okay me and my boyfriend were at church a few nites ago and we were gonna go down the stairs. okay there's this little space beside the stairs where two people can be alone and he pulled me in there and kissed me. he didnt talk about it for the rest of the nite but i know he's gonna bring it up next wednesday. i mean, it's not like i didn't enjoy it or anything, but i don't know if i should take it a step further (as in having sex) or keep it like it is.help?

Sex seems a little extreme.
I think it should stay as it is.
Sex seems too early, but it depends. if you think you are ready for it, then go for it.
But it's probaly best if it stays liek it is

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Okay, so I like, well not like but LOVE this guy named Jake. He is sooooooooooooooooooo cute. Here is the problem, he is shorter then i am! Everyone is so short! I'm begging for help. mainly because he is comming to my house to finish a project and i don't know what to say!

could it be that you are SO tall?
Thats just physical, It should'nt matter, You should'nt liek someone just because of how cute they are.
But people are like that.
Decide If your really want to miss out on someone just ebcause their short.
It seems stupid to do that if you ask me.
As for Not knowing what to say, I'd talk about the general stuff, Music, movies, What you look for ina relationship, that kidna stuff.

Solemnstar

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Okay whenever me and my boyfriend are messing around and i like touch him or poke him down there...he always tells me im making him hard?? im not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing or even what it means..haha cause hes comeing over tonnight soo pleeasee help! thanks :]]

It means your turning him on. His penis is getting hard.
He likes what your doing, it's a good thing.

Solemnstar

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okay so me and my bf were going out and we wanted 2 kiss me but im like ew gros (it was 6th grade at the time) and so then we broke up but then we got bak 2gether (bcz of major flirting on both our parts) and so hes like i had dreamz of us kissing blah blah blah so im like fine meet me in the stairs il make ur dream cum tru. so i madeout w/ him w/e. but heres the thing. im only in 7th grade! is that so extremely horiable? and every1 found out (bcz 1 of my friends cant keep her mouth shut!) and every1 thinks im a slut. HELP ME!!!

People are just stupid, they spread gossip, and care more about other peoples lives because they do not ahve one of their own.
You are not bad or wrong. They are.
THEY however are not YOU, so it's none of their buisness what you do.

And the Friend that Told is'nt really much of a friend for doing that.

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16/m
I'm so sick of being alive. Everything is so hard. I can't stand it. It's like I'm doing something wrong. I have few friends, but it doesn't matter because I don't like them. I don't like any one. People don't meet my standards and they never will. And when it comes to girls I have no idea what I'm doing. It's like there's some secret technique that every one but me seems to understand. My problems with girls contribute the most to my loneliness and depression. I'm unmotivated in school, because I care more about trying to find a place I belong, trying to find some one who understands me. I can hardly sleep because I'm always worrying about all this. I'm scared I'll never have friends. I'm scared I'll never have a good job. I'm scared I'll never have my first kiss or have sex, and if I do it will be with some one I don't want to do it with. Somewhere between now and the next few years I 100% sure I'll be dead. I can't take it anymore. I've been to therapy and they even locked me up like a criminal in a mental health ward, but to no avail. I hate life. I hate myself. I hate every one, especially if they're happy. I don't see things ever getting better. Please help me. And don't post anything about God, Jesus, or religion of any kind, it will be an automatic 1 on your rating.

then live for yourself. if the others don't meet what you need. care about yourself first, them second.
Death will not make you stronger. it will please them, make them glad you are gone... or they will miss you, if only because they are good people with morals.

I'm nto going to lie to you. Odds are with this kind of thinking, all those things you predict, you will cause them. kinda a self-fulfillign prophecy.

Now you can die, and please them, or you can live, because you want to.

There is no point to a life for others only.

Solemnstar

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Okay...this is Haley...again! lol but me and my boyfriend as i have said before have been dating for about 5 months and we're defanitely in love! and he's told me before that he's never felf this way about anyone!! but he dated this girl before me for 3 and a half years.....!!!! and she ended up breaking his heart and they talked about getting married and stuff like that! Now the girl is a really big whore...like believe me I know!! And me and him talk about when we get married and he says that im the one hes been waiting for and that everything about their realtionship was a lie bc he couldnt trust her...But i always feel like im being compared to her or that he still wonders about how things wouldve been if she hadn't have turned out like that! And we've talked about it but i just cant get HER out of my head! and im driving myself crazy!!! And what really sucks is that the girl is pretty! I just dont know! and everybody remembers his as the popular quarterback who dated Charity...???? What do i do someone please tell me!

The cold truth is, people never stop loving their Ex's. What they do is find somebody else whom they love more.

If it's being called into question in your mind, you shoudl really tell him how you feel. besides it may prove to be better. i've seen people lead others on for years just to take for all their worth. and even after the ;ead onstill feel that they were truly in love.

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okk...so i'm a Christian and i know the Bible says not to like go out with the same sex..and stuff but i like another girl and i don't know how this happened!!!! Soo..I'm not a lesbian i only like one girl am I gonna go to hell or anything??

I figure, The bible was written a very long time ago, God's view must have changed a little. Or,being that everyone sins, it should'nt be a problem if you like someone of the same gender. I think it's all a part of god's plan. there has to eb homosexuality, and people will diablities, and birth defects, and Transgenders, and all those other things people get worked up about. they exist, and god created them, so obviously, it must have been intentional.

I would'nt worry about it. I'd sort of start to worry about it if you put faith before personal happiness, if you decide you are a lesbian.

This comes up alot. in fact i read a story about a man who hated being gay, and went to god for help. god helped him, obviously.

I myself am not christian, nor very religious. I believe god exists, but that is my only view on faith.
Iwoudl say, live life for you, not for a god that may not exist.
But that is just me.

Solemnstar

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okay well this guy that i like and i know he likes me is all of a sudden hugging a bunch of girls in front of me and does he not like me anymore or what. i dont know whats going on

most likely? he's trying to make you jelous. unless he's just friendly.

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Okay What are some "turn off's" girls do on like a regular basis?
Because I want to know what I should STOP doing lol

Thanks guys.

by the way im 13.

I'd say the nuber one thing that turns me off is anythign to do with past BFs.
also, (but this is probably just me) i look for someoen who is willign to just slow down, stop for a bit, and just s[end soem time holding oen another.
i don't usually like anyone who is all
"go,go,go!".
I woudl say, avoid being overly serious. huys are idoits, proven fact. jsut let them enjoy themselves.

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whenever my boyfriend is around his friends, he acts like a total idiot, and then when were together he's all sweet and caring when its just us two.. whats ronge with this picture? lol

nothing.guys are idiots.
he cares for you.
he acts around his friends like they are his friends, and around you like you are something more.

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okay;; well i havea huge issue with trust
but its only with this one boy.
i really dont care about anyone else
well. anyways.
okay.
sometimes i dont belive he loves me
i mean theres a differnt bewteen
"thinking" you love someone
and "knowing" you love someone.
and i KNOW i love him.
and he said he KNOWS he loves me
but i dont believe him
and he asked me how can he prove it
but i dont know how?
so do you got any advice on what i should do with
telling him to prove it.
like any ideas.

yu cant really make a person prove something like that... and if you don't believe him, i'm not sure you love him. If you loved someone you would be open to them, and caring not disbelieveing and dishonest.

if you really want to ask him to prove it though, don't go about it like that.
just blatently asking a person to prove they love you is wrong.

if you need proof you don't love him, if you're in love you will feel it and not doubt it and you would do anything for that love because when it is gone, it's not coming back, and that is quite a dark place.

Solemnstar

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Hi, I'm 15/m. There's this girl that I like a lot, but she says shes bisexual, but leans more towards girls. We're really good friends, and we like a lot of the same stuff. I've tried asking her out before but she said no because she wants to be truthful to herself and not hurt any guys, but that we could still be friends. The bad thing is that I'm afraid to be her friend, because I'll always want more. Every time I look at her and think about her I want to be able to hold her... kiss her... be there for her as a boyfriend but I know I can't because... she's more lesbian than straight. She seems to really like me a lot and we seem to flirt a lot but I don't know. I still want to be with her though... She's like the sunshine in my rainstorm, and at school, she's the only person I'm looking forward to seeing. So, the question is, I really want to be with her, but I'm afraid to be her friend. What should I do?

... this is word for word, one of the worst moments in my life...except when i asked, and went out with her... thats another story.

go for it man.. if she says no, meh worse thinsg can happen. thast a remarkble thing about life. when we hit rock bottom, we can still get lower...

Solemnstra

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ok hey. so, i'm in highschool (i'm a sophomore.). i'm a female (pretty obvious?) and i need advice. duh. i haven't dated/liked ANYONE since llllaaaasssssttttt year. i really want to find someone that i can like and will like me. all my friends have boyfriends, and they are neglecting our friendship to hang out with their stupid boys. this isn't just about them, though. i really want someone who i can be with romantically. do you have any advice to help me when i don't have a boy, or to help me get one?

You have friends right, who have boyfriends,who most likely have guy friends of their own.
thats all i can think of for meeting one. or get good at gaming, if you are not. alot of guys ten to play videogames im sure

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My guy is mad at me because he thinks it's fun to be mad at me . This is totally not cool by my rules. What can I do?

THanks soooo much !

like, joke-type mad? if not, yeah just leave 'im.but if its fun.......no JK hehe.

Solemnstar

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