advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: ... could that ever happen????? i mean, i know i'm fat, im 230 pounds. i've come to terms with it but... is it possible for a hot guy to like a chuby girl? i think i have a good personality. i have a great sense of humor, im girly, and i have brown cruly hair, and my friends all coo at me because i'm "cute' sometimes... i mean, is it possible? the guy i like is muscular and hot. i don't expect anything, but i'm just wondering if in general such a thing is plausible... i've never been dated, or even kissed before, sois it because im fat? thanks. ~^3^~
I think I can definitely relate to how you're feeling. Growing up, I was always 30 lbs heaver (at least) than the rest of the girls at school. I was never in a relationship throughout grade school and I knew it was because I was overweight. The world is filled with a lot of shallow people and so are you to a certain extent. What type of boys do you like? "Muscular and hot." - you said it yourself. So to expect any boy to be with you just for your personality alone isn't fair because you have standards yourself, right?

What I can tell you though, is as you get MUCH older you will be with someone who doesn't care what you look like. He will love you for you. That's the honest truth coming from someone who grew up afraid of being alone forever based on her weight alone.

Come to think of it, I also asked a question similar to this one on Advicenators when I was your age!

Q: I am 18 years old and my guy really wants me to give him a hickey. His friend says its to show others he's mine and concidering he has already cheated on me once, I really want to do it, but I am incapable of giving a hickey. I have tried over and over on my arm but I cant do it. It only apprears as a small red mark that goes away in a matter of seconds. What can I do to give him a hickey?
There are so many things wrong with this situation, I don't even know where to begin. First, don't you think it's a little weird that he wants a hickey? I mean, he's not in high school anymore? Even if he is a senior, I work with seniors everyday and they're more mature than that. What's even weirder is his reasoning behind it. He wants to show others that he's yours? Well if you think about it, ANYONE can give another person a unless you suck your name onto his skin...there is no point!

Last but not least, and certainly the most important is the fact that you want to do it because he's cheated on you before. Honey, if he leaves you for not giving him a hickey just be glad the relationship is over.

Stop practicing and tell him that you're eighteen, not twelve!

Q: i fell in love with this jerk and he broke my heart 3 years ago. i never talk to him anymore but i see him sometimes. recently i've had sexual dreams about him almost every night and i actually like them! its awful and makes me feel like crap. i even fantasize about him occasionally when i kiss or do anything with my current bf of one year!! how do i stop these dreams?
Go to this website, - it's a really insightful dream "dictionary" if you will.

I pulled this from the site:

To dream that you are having sex with an ex or someone who is not your current mate, denotes your reservations about embarking in a new relationship or situation. You may feel nervous about exposing yourself and are feeling a resurgence of those old emotions and feelings that you felt back when you and your ex were together.

If it's not the above, I think it's just because you're horny and your brain decides who it wants to have sex with that night. Lol.

And there's really no way to "stop" dreams. They'll eventually stop on their own.

Q: bascially my days are numbered so no advice is required.
Welcome to the club.

All of our days are numbered.

Some just have bigger numbers than others y'know?

Q: first off im 14/f and he is 15/m and he is my cousins cousin so he is sorta related to me and he also goes to my church. anyways i used to like him but then i figured since he was my cousins cousin it wouldnt really work. then about a year ago i started noticing that he was really nice to me and he was always looking for excuses to touch my arm and stuff then i got a bf and he sorta backed off a little then recently my bf broke it off and he started acting interested in me again. like we play football after wednesday night bible study and i am not really that into it so im just the quarterback so i dont move like ever and he will still come up to me and block me by holding my arms in a sweet kind of way and he always looks for excuses to talk to me and in church he is always looking at me in a subtle kind of way but ive noticed. anyways my question is do you think he likes me? and should i say something since i only like him in a best guy friend kind of way?
It may be that he likes you or he is just flirting. Since the both of you are flirting with eachother and you don't like him "like that", you don't have to SAY anything until or if HE says something. If he mentions that he likes you, politely tell him that the two of you are just good friends.

In the meantime, what you need to DO is try not to be so touchy feely with him. Ease up on the physical might be sending him the wrong signals!

Q: Okay i am 15 years old and am a female. And i was hanging out with my friends and i met my friends friend Donny. He turns 19 next week. He has a son who turns 2 in october. i've hung out with him starting back a few months ago. But i do like him. Which i know is really bad...but no one can help feelings. And my bestfriend is trying to figure out if he likes me back...everyone thinks him and i would be cute together but there is many faults.. age for one. 2. the son. 3. some of the friends we share i am not aloud to hangout with. 4. he has some issues at home. but i cant help but be attracted to him. I just want to hear peoples opinions on how you guys think this would work out. Should i go for it, or should i drop it?
Reading this question, I was like okay okay okay...WHAT? at the sentence "He has a son who turns 2 in October." There's a lot of things wrong with this situation and you know them because you said them yourself!

He's nineteen, has a son, you're fifteen and dating him is considered illegal...

Look, I understand you like him a lot. I've liked guys that I just couldn't be with. I even took the "I don't care" approach and dated one guy only to be heartbroken in the end. Once you get involved it's much harder not to let go, so leave now and don't turn back. Your feelings for him will eventually go away.

Q: So last night I was at a dance it was kinda boring but the my group went to dinner and around ten I decided to text the guy I liked who said he couldn't come to the dance bc he switched schools like a week before the dance and so I went some other guy but I couldn't stop thinking about the guy I liked so I texted him and the whole night no response and I felt stupid now this morning I wake up and it says he texted me back at 2 am well I fell asleep at one so now I feel even more stupid what and when should I text him bc last time a while ago I texted him back in the morning around 12 and he didn't respond after that should I wait till tonight or what?
Text him back whenever you'd like. Some people aren't the type to respond right away to texts. I get paranoid when people don't text me back, and then I feel kind of dumb come to find out they were too busy. You can even text him to call you sometime, since you two are playing text-tag. Why not? Be bold, in the end it might be worth it!

Q: Me and my boyfriend of a year and a half have been going through a really rough time in our relationship. We have been trying to take some time apart in hopes that it will help. Unfortunetly it has done the exact opposite because he has been thinking that i am going around with some other guy. I haven't though, i have barely left my house. And now I have permanently destroyed the relationship i think because I completely freaked out and lost it. i told him that i did sleep with some one even though i didnt. i dont know why i even said that to him but now i dont know what to do. Is there anything at this point that i can even do?
Yes you can do something, you can tell him the truth. Two things can happen once you try to confess. Either a) He won't believe you that you were lying or b) He'll believe you but will be upset with you for lying in the first place. Although both sound horrible, hope for B because eventually his anger will subside and you two can try to work things out. All you can do now is tell the truth, explain why you lied, and hope for the best.

P.S. Have someone vouch for you that you rarley have gone out like your parents or a friend.

Good luck!

Q: 17/f

Hi- this is kind of the opposite of a normal relationship question. Basically, there's this guy who likes me at school. He gets sort of tongue tied when I'm around and my friends say he likes me, and that he'll try to ask me out soon. The problem is, I'm actually not interested in dating. This guy is great in a lot of ways but I've never been on a date and I'm just not interested atm. how do I say no if he asks me out, without hurting his feelings?
Exactly how you asked this question! That he is a really great guy, but that you're not interested in dating at the moment. Try to elaborate if possible. You can also say things like (if they're true) that you're trying to focus on school/family/work etc. And also say that you don't mind just hanging out as friends if he doesn't mind either. There's no easy way to say no, but I think this is the easiest. It's not like you're completley shutting him out so I think he will take it well. Good luck.

Q: so I was hooking up with this guy and i gave him a bj and he said it was really good. we were just chilling and talking after that and he seems really nice and funny, he's a good guy. then i kinda hinted it was my turn and he said he would but he didn't have anything to clean his hands with (we were in my basement room withtout a sink or anything and he couldn't go upstairs), but that he felt really bad. but i told him it was fine he didn't have to. then he said "well at least it makes you come back for more" and i said jokingly of course "nahh not at all!" but he knew i was joking i thinkk. so do you think he wants to do it again? i cannot read guys at alll haha thanks!
Yes, I do think that you have chances of hooking up again. It just seems that because of the circumstances that day, you couldn't continue. But trust me, he's happy he gets to be around you and he'll pursue things with you at a later date. Be safe and have fun!

Q: could anybody help me I am 29 years old male and in love with a girl (24years) in the same company but in different department. since I never had any girlfriend so it is very difficult to let her feel my strong feeling for her but anyhow I ask her directly that am in love with her want to marry her but she refused but I can recognised that she also like me after 4-5 fays I made a call she say that i should forget her but It could not be happen. she is also very shy now am very much depressed and want to know what to do pls help and suggest. she also says me that she likes someone else but am 100% sure that she is single and there may be some other problem but she doesn't want to talk her eyes indicates that she also likes me pls suggest,I don't know what to do now in this condition and feeling very helpless.
This woman DOES NOT like you. I think she's been letting you down easily and that's very nice of her. I think if I was her, I'd get a restraining order on you based on the things you said in your question. Listen, she says forget about her so you need to do that. It's all in your head that she likes you. If a woman says "forget about me" and she rejects a proposal of marriage...she did so for a reason. Move on. Leave her alone. You will find someone else.

Q: I lied to my friends about what was going on with a guy I loved, he found out and now he doesn't like me, did I blow it because he still flirts and talks back to me, he is embarresed to be with me though, around his friends he treats me very badly and I want to know if I blew because I still love him... I hope he still likes me.
Well all you have to do is backtrack. If you knew he liked you before, I'm sure he still likes you now. Feelings for someone can't go away overnight. Tell him that you do like him, but didn't want to tell your friend the truth because of the potential drama that could have erupted as a result. He will understand! Good luck.

Q: 15 f Bf: 17 m

To start off, I'm a very paranoid person in my relationship, because things happened which made me even more paranoid, and I don't know how I can just stop and relax.

I love my boyfriend, very much and I don't want to lose him. He has a hard life, his girl friends never treated him right, one actually slept with her step father, and said that he stalked her. His first girl friend passed away, in a car accident. I'm the only girl who has actually been faithful and loyal to you. I Love him very much. I just want him to be happy with me, he had feelings first for my best friend..who isn't my best friend now. His feelings recently came back because he spent more time with her, He resolved things with her, and he promised me he only wants to be with me.

I noticed, that he can't look me in the eye when he says "I Love You." I noticed him doing that, at the last dance at our school..and he said it's because he has been hurt so many times..:/ So, should I just relax and stop worrying or what? Do you think I'm just overreacting?

I think his trust has really been battered and the only way that you can prove you're going to stick around without hurting him is through your actions. I'm sure you're doing everything right, so just keep doing what you're doing. Eventually he will let you in and be more open to you as time passes. As far your paranoia is concerned, just let it go or it will make you go a little nutso. It really is ALL in your head. You need to understand that you have the opportunity to be the BEST thing to come into his life since sliced bread, so love him and treat him with respect. Be a great girlfriend and he will inturn be a great boyfriend.

Oh and think about this, if he really liked your best friend...wouldn't he be with her and not you? He's with you for a reason so don't sweat it.

Q: Hi! Help me please! You'd be doing me a solid.♥

I'm Spencer, female, 17, college freshman. So, there's this guy I like, he's my classmate. I've kind of liked him for a month now and for the past few weeks I've been trying my hardest to do all the right moves but somehow I don't feel like I've progressed. But despite that, I don't wanna give up. But I don't even know what to do.

So this guy I like, he's 18, college freshman and we have 3 classes together. But we also have friends in those classes. About our relationship, well we've known each other since the schoolyear started but we belong to different groups. We're not like, 'oh we're friends and we're nice to each other', no, he actually likes to bully and joke around with people (me included). I always try my best to make small talk with him or something but sometimes I fail or sometimes I succeed (for like a day and then never again).

So please help me? I'm out of ideas and I just realized I don't even have much of a plan to win this guy over. I've put on makeup for him, watched his favorite show (men wrestling btw) just so I could talk to him about it, punch him lightly just to get his attention, IDK anymore. So, advice? Please? Pretty please with a cherry on top?:(

P.S. Every Monday I get an opportunity to be alone with him. We walk together to our next class because we're in the same building. That's roughly 8, 10 minutes? I've tried to like converse with him but usually I'd just ask and he'd just answer. Conversation ended. Then it'd be super awkward. I don't wanna sound desperate, asking another question over another after every answer like an interview (is that desperate?) so sometimes I just allow the silence between us. Any advice on how to maximize my opportunity here??

P.P.S. We have PE together. His partner's a girl and I can't help but feel jealous when they're talking, laughing, seemingly having fun. But at the same time, I don't think I can intervene because we perform by different groups. Maybe I'm just paranoid but I don't wanna lose to her or whatever. Advice in this area would be great too.

Sorry if that was long. But I honestly need help!:( Any great advice would be incredibly awesome (and if I succeed, I promise to let you all know). So please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,
PLEASE HELP ME! God rewards good people..:)) JK, but seriously though! I need your help!

Thank you in advance! You guys are awesome.♥

I agree whth the person below me. I think you are both old enough to know when someone likes you and is trying to get your attention. You've done all the right things yet he still hasn't said or done anything to show that he likes you too. Maybe he just sees you as a good friend? Maybe you're trying a bit TOO hard. Guys like the chase, remember? Either way, you should back off a bit. Don't completely ignore him, but don't shower him with the attention you've been giving as of late. Time will only to tell if this guy likes you or if you're just meant to be awesome friends!

Oh and don't be sad if it's the latter. You're in college! You will meet so many different people (that are smokin' hot!) over the next four years. You will find someone!

This is going to tie in with the fact that "guys like the chase." Ditch him one Monday! Walk with your friends or by yourself. Next time he sees you, he'll ask why you didn't walk with him. Just say you were busy with your friends. Leave it at that. Then the next Monday, walk with him as if nothing happened.

As far as his PE partner goes, let your jealousy go. The guys you like, your future boyfriends, and your husband will always have girl-friends so it's in your best interest to stop being jealous. Otherwise it will drive you crazy for the rest of your life. Just be secure about yourself, know that you're awesome
and those girls are too...but never as awesome as you!

Good luck!


Q: How to act and show my boyfriend that I no more care for him
Can you be a little more specific? Tell us about your intentions. Are you trying to make him pay more attention to you or are you trying to end the relationship? If you truly do not care for him anymore, your actions will show it without you even trying.

Q: okay here the ting i just started dating this guy who was going out with my friend like 3 days no one no yet but i dont know if my sloppy seconds or his rebound i asked him about it but he say no i just wanna know how to tell if hes lieing!! please help!! =]
Well you cant really tell if hes lying, unless hes bad at lying. But I think if you like eachother then just go out with him. See how it long it lasts and just have fun with him :]

Q: I'm I still a virgin even though I've been fingered?

This is just like, am I still a virgin even though I use tampons? Dont worry about it.

Q: ok I still havent seen him yet but thanks for the advice im sure it will cum in handy whenever I do see him.
No problem! If you need any more help I'm here :]

Q: I'm sorry for calling you a boy, I thought I clicked on Andy, sorry. But he isn't like that. He's too sweet to go out with someone just for sex. And my "friend" told my brother I liked him today and he told the guy I like, too. I haven't seen him yet but I know it's going to be really awkward. Should I try to avoid him or act like normal or what?
Act normal, maybe he's excited about it. So smile at him and just be friendly. And if he asks about it tell him the truth. See if he makes a move, you never know. Good luck.

Q: I really like one of my brother's best friends but I'm thirteen - a girl - and he just turned sixteen, and to him I'm probably just some little, immature kid,I'm in 8th grade and he's in 10th. My friends always tease me about it too because he's not hot but he's not ugly either he's just cute. But I don't really care about his looks, I only like him for his personality. Anyway, I want to tell my brother or him that like him but I'm afraid he'll just laugh at me or make fun of me. What should I do?!? You're a guy, what would you do if some little thirteen year old asked you out when you were sixteen?
1) I'm not a guy
2) Your brother would never let you date his friend
3) If this guy would date you, it's probably because he wants to get laid.

Hi, I'm Sherry! This site is very nostalgic for me. Before the takeover of social networking websites like Myspace, there was (and is) this great place called Advicenators where people come together and learn from eachother. I met some wonderful people on here that I could relate to and learn a lot from when I was a teenager. With that said, most of the advice I've been giving over the years have been from a teens perspective. Now that I know all at age twenty two, feel free to ask me a question. And If I don't know the answer, I'll probably just google it. I know what you're thinking..."Now, THAT'S customer service!" :)

San Diego, CA


Member Since:
August 11, 2004


Last Update:
April 7, 2012


Main Categories:

Favorite Columnists

layout by Adam Particka

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>

eXTReMe Tracker