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"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn

I came to this site for advice about a man and love. That very question turned my entire world around and I have had my eyes opened to things I never noticed before.

I've stayed here so that I can share the knowledge I do have. I know I'm not changing the world but I do hope that I spark others to open their eyes.

"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde

So, if you learn something from what I say then repeat it to someone else who can use it.

I hope that if you see an answer of mine that you enjoy it will inspire you to go out of your way to give good, solid information. Provide links for further information, detail your responses, encourage people to seek out professionals when it's needed, and stop sugar-coating responses and just say the truth.

I hope that even if you absolutely hate my answer that it'll kick start your brain. Hopefully you'll begin taking your time to respond instead of hurried answers that are useless to an already confused person.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
Gender: Female
Location: WV / KY / ND
Occupation: Technical Account Management
Age: 24
Member Since: October 12, 2007
Answers: 1512
Last Update: August 15, 2011
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Okay so I'm a 17 almost 18 year old girl virgin who is still in high school by the way only in the ninth grade who wants twin baby girls. I was wondering if its possible if I had a doctor to inject sperm into me to get what I want. (link)
It is possible, but nothing is guaranteed. At 17 years old, it's likely they wouldn't even attempt such a thing. What you're interested in is being artificially inseminated with multiples at a pretty high-tech clinic.

Sperm can be separated X from Y in a spinning process. If I recall correctly, the XX sperm fall to the bottom as the XY sperm rise in the machine. This helps to improve the gender-odds of your baby before conception when artificially inseminated.

It's a pretty expensive procedure though, but if it's something you truly wanted then you could save up for it.

Artificial insemination typically costs between $300 and $500 per attempt, on average. It may take multiple attempts to conceive, and there is no promise that you can conceive multiples during one single session. You could, most certainly, try.

What you'll want to do is wait until you're 18 and then talk with a fertility specialist. Explain the situation, that you want to become pregnant and are a virgin, and that you're interested in conceiving multiple females. Let them know you're serious, and see what they might have to offer you on reading material. This sort of thing takes a lot of research, usually, before a set-decision can be made.


Hi!! I have really sore thighs. I do ballet and this time I really over worked myself. I have another ballet class today but my thighs are really sore! Are there any treatments with products from home? Thanks! (link)
I've started a new exercise routine and I totally understand your pain!

First off, along with stretching/warm-ups before starting you should also stretch very well after. It helps to lengthen the muscles for one. Another reason to stretch well after is because your muscles will have tiny air pockets in them after working them out good and stretching will help the muscle pull those out. Hold each stretch steadily for 15 seconds.

I know you haven't joined Curves or anything but they have an excellent stretching routine at the end of work-outs. Here is a nifty link on how to pose for the stretches:

http://www.curvesforum.com/documents/flexchart.jpg

You could print that out and take it with you if you think it's a good idea. It may also be beneficial to the other dancers since I'm sure you're not the only one that is sore!

In addition to stretching afterward, you may find comfort in taking an aspirin for the soreness and putting a cold pack on the painful area for awhile. Cold packs have helped me a lot. You may also want to think about getting a massage if the pain is not located in one or two areas (meaning: all over pain).

Also remember to be drinking enough water to keep yourself hydrated. Water will help your body heal more efficiently so you won't be as sore as long. It's recommended you drink 64oz of water each and every day.

I hope I've helped you out a little in relieving your sore muscles!


My best friend got her wisdom teeth out today and I am over taking care of her:) does any one have any ideas of stuff to eat that will be easy and good for her? We know the usual like soup and milk shakes and water and stuff but she is bored with all that. I needed some fun different yummy ideas or just anything that might have slipped our minds. THANKS ALOT GUYS!! :D (link)
My cousin could eat mashed potatoes when she had hers out. Sometimes she had gravy with the potatoes. :)

There is also the idea of babyfood, especially the one-flavor fruits like banana, peach, and others. Some of them are surprisingly very tasty.

Applesauce?

Fruit smoothies?

Risotto?

Rice pudding?

Oatmeal?

Cottage cheese?


It is probably also good practice for her to swish out her mouth as well as she can with clean water after she eats--just to make sure some the debris from the food is rinsed out from near the wounds.


How bad would it hurt for me to get a tatoo of a butterfly on my arm or hand?
On a scale from 1-10, how bad would it hurt?
(link)
Anywhere in between.

There is no real number. There is no real gauge. Some people feel pain differently. Nobody feels the exact same sensations.

So, some people with experience in having hand and arm tattoos are going to say it hurts like hell. Others are going to say it was a piece of cake, they hardly felt a thing, and it was so minor they can barely remember getting it done.

It's like with everything.

Some people think braces hurt really bad. Others aren't bothered by it.

And while most women say childbirth hurts, there are many women who felt little to no labor pains.

You can probably judge yourself through other activities you do that do cause you a great deal of pain. If you skin your knee, how bad does it hurt? Tattoos is said to feel somewhat similar to skinning your flesh for some.

When my mom got her tattoos (one on the ankle, one on her back) they didn't hurt at all. She didn't flinch a bit.

When my male cousin got his tattoo (on his calf muscle) he passed out from the pain.

So, if you're looking for someone to say it was NOTHING then here you go. It could very well be so minor that the thought of "pain" doesn't even enter your head.

And if you're looking for someone to say it will be one of the worst, most painful experiences you've ever had in your life then here you go. It could very well be so major that you cry and stop the process.

It just depends. That's why a lot of people need to relax before getting it done--because the more worked up you get, the more your brain starts thinking, "This IS going to cause me pain..."


I want to do my hair like Rod Stewart had it in his younger years only dyed blue. I'm willing to do all the maintenance and stuff, would it look ok? (link)
That's basically messy scene hair. Very popular now. Congratulations on trying to be unique, you're just like the rest of the class now.

If you like it, go for it. If you're young and in high school nobody is seriously going to care. Know that you'll probably damage your hair long-term when you do the bleaching and dying, and if you ever want to have your natural hair color and healthy hair then it may take years upon years to recover from this sort of thing.

If you're older, about to be out of high school or are already out of high school, then you're going to want to rethink this. Nobody puts confidence in a shaggy smurf to get a job done well. You absolutely will not be taken seriously by other adults.


Hi ihave dd breasts and i need a swimsuit bad. they grew 2 cup sizes in 5 months. i found this swimsuit... this one http://www.amazon.com/White-Polka-Piece-Strap-Bikini/dp/B003Z5DLHQ/ref=pd_sbs_a_2

or this one http://www.amazon.com/Brown-White-Brazilian-Bikini-Swimsuit/dp/B002IXC47E/ref=cm_cr_pr_pb_t

im looking for 40 dollar swimsuits or (very close to that price) (or way less) that fit the dd cup... Do those swimsuits i just gave the link to seam like a dd? and can i call amazon and find out if they are dd?
cuz it doesnt say it on the chart.

please help me..
i do not want a one piece or tankini.. i'm SIXTEEN. i do not wanna dress like an old lady at the beach.. :( please help . if you find any please send me links (link)
You should really go to a more local place to try on swim suits. I don't know how many bras you've purchased yet, as you're only 16, but you'll learn that some cuts fit WAY differently and you need a larger or smaller size because of it. It really varies on your shape versus the shape of the bra, you know? Swim suit tops are just the same.

I wanted to point out something about the idea of calling Amazon about this product.

Amazon is NOT the seller of either of these products. It's kind of like eBay. You don't call eBay and ask about a product. You call the seller from the eBay site, you know?

So, if you choose to contact someone about the product that will know what you're talking about and get you the answers then you want to contact the SELLER of the product. If you call Amazon and ask about it you're going to get the exact same response--I know because I work for Amazon and I hear about this sort of thing every day from customer service representatives.

So, Amazon isn't the seller of both items. They are just the site a person is using to sell the products. Amazon won't be able to answer anything about this product as it isn't theirs. They know just as much as you do about it, trust me.

In these cases the seller's name is located right in the blue buy box to the right of the product. The red polka dotted one is being sold by Mall 24/7 and the brown swimsuit is also from Mall 24/7.

You can also view the seller's name (and a link where you can select them to contact them) right under the "IN STOCK" word. It says:

"Ships from and sold by Mall 24/7. Gift-wrap available."

From there you can click on their name (Mall 24/7) and it'll take you to an information page about the seller and their recent history. Scroll down a little until you see "About Seller" and "Seller Help" on the lower right-hand side. Under Seller Help it will say:

"Seller Help
Mall 24/7 Customer Service Contact
Contact this seller Phone: 1(888)383-3813"

You can then send them an email through the "Contact this seller" link or give them a call from their toll-free line they've listed. This will get you in contact with the SELLER--not Amazon. You want to talk to the seller so you have all of your questions addressed.

If your mother is around she may be able to take a tape measure for fabric and see about your measurements of your breasts--not in the A, B, C, D, DD cup type. Then, you can simply click "Sizing info" from beside (or under) the price and see where you might measure on their scales.

Seriously though, your best bet is to go to a place where you're able to try them on and look at yourself in the mirror. That way you don't have to go through all of the trouble of mailing a swimsuit back and waiting for a refund then taking another stab at finding the appropriate style.

If you do the whole trying-them-on in a store then do yourself a favorite and jump up and down a few times in the mirror. NOBODY wants to bob up from under the water and look down to see that the girls have escaped the packaging ;)


I woke up around 40 minutes ago and have literally spent around 35 of those minutes face down in the toilet. I don't feel sick. No head cold, nothing. Other than the barring. There is nothing in my stomach, all I'm doing is throwing up stomach acid. Last night I ate a single slice of leftover pizza that I had the night before, which didn't get me sick the first night. So what the heck is wrong with me.? I throw up...feel fine, 2 minutes later I get icky feeling, throw up and the cycle repeats itself. Help!!! (link)
I am not a doctor either, but I just wanted to present a very basic question for you to ponder:

Is it even remotely possible that you are pregnant?

Morning sickness can occur at any time of day, usually doesn't cause the woman to remain nauseous, and includes random bouts of vomiting. It typically begins around the fifth or sixth week after conception, but some women develop the issue even later into week eight or nine.

Either way, pregnancy or not, take it easy. Eat plain foods and drink water. Rice, toast, and crackers. It might not be the tastiest thing but if you are experiencing some sort of flu bug then it might help your stomach to ease.

If the vomiting becomes uncontrollable, hurts, you throw up blood, or this sort of thing is lasting longer than a typical virus then don't be afraid to seek emergency medical care at your local ER or hospital room. A lot of people die from having the flu because they let the symptoms go on too long or overlooked serious signs that something has worsened. Don't be afraid to say, "Hey, I'm sick! Help!"




Is Harry Potter for real?


(link)
Harry Potter is a character in a book and movie series written by British author J. K. Rowling. There is, and was, no living person named Harry Potter that became a magical witch with wands, spells, and supernatural powers. He's just as make believe as Barney is.

Now, the guy who PLAYS as Harry Potter in the movies is a real, live human being. He is only an actor though. His name is Daniel Radcliffe and he's as average as any other young male celebrity in Hollywood.


So I've done as much research of my own on this, and well I still am. BMEzine gave me quite a bit of information on hip piercings, about rejection and migration, like most surface piercings. I really want them and I will get them, I just want more help on how to go about it, I live in Illinois I'm 18. Any advise, should I go with dermals? Or the surface bar? Nylon? Titanium or stainless steel? Any good piercers too? Your stories, suggestions, please and thank you! (link)
A really big concern of mine is the possibility of accidentally ripping one of the surface piercings out from the skin during the night. Humans tend to move a bit in their sleep (even if you're not aware of it) so you can't really force yourself not to. Piercings are easily caught on fabric and such so you should really take time to decide if you can handle sleeping odd first off. The more pressure you put on the piercings, the worse they will feel and the quicker they will reject (they may also become infected/inflamed easier as well).

You also should be aware of the scarring you will experience from the piercing. Surface piercings will never truly heal no matter what you do, and your body will always reject them--some bodies reject quicker than others. If you heal quickly then don't expect the piercing to last very long at all before becoming incredibly itchy, red, and puffy.

To lengthen the time you are able to wear the piercing you must keep it rinsed off with saline solution twice daily and put little to no pressure on the piercing area. There isn't a way to stop rejection--it is what your body naturally does to foreign objects.

When your body rejects a piercing, what happens is rather frightening. The skin that is around the piercing literally sacrifices itself and dies off to expel what is underneath. This being said, some scars can be a lot more noticeable than others.

In my experience, there isn't really a good way to reduce the scarring either so you need to decide if you can deal with the scars for a long period of time. I had a surface piercing done years ago and the scar is still very noticeable and itches periodically.

Also, keep in mind that you will need to purchase some saline solution to put on the piercings each day to keep down possible infection if you're going to try to keep it for an extended period. Try your best not to mess with them and cause more damage to the area. The more you mess with the piercing, the quicker it will reject and the higher the possibility of infection. Please make sure you've researched this entirely so that no surprises come up that you were unaware of and unequipped to deal with.

I also recommend asking your piercer to do the piercing with surface bars instead of captive rings. Rings tend to be rejected quicker, leave more scarring, and have more likelihood of being accidentally torn from the flesh. You can get slave rings attached to the surface bars if you want something on the ends.

In regards to microdermals, they are easier to keep in than an actual surface piercing. It is true that removal is a bit tricky and may leave nasty scars; however, if you plan to keep the piercing as a permanent part of your body then it doesn't sound like a bit deal. In addition, they may be a little more costly than regular surface piercing so you should check to see if your budget would allow it.

I hope all goes well and you get yourself informed enough to help reduce some of the scarring/infection risks.


i'm 22f still a virgin (yes i know but only because i live in a small place and i'm either related to the guys here or they don't like me in that way)

Anyways i'm been in an online relationship with this guy for almost 2 years now. We plan on meeting up to whenever both of us have enough money, just to see where things lead.

One of the things we well do is have sex of coruse. I'm not asking for tips or whatever, the thing is he thinks we'll have sex most of the time when we meet up and that's fine, i wouldn't mind that.

He said a few mins ago that couples who first start dating its nothing but sex for a while. I get that i really do. Thing is i rarely get in the mood, and plus when we do meet i don't want to always have sex all the time, maybe that'll change but highly dobtful on that. But he just doesn't understand that i don't to have sex all thetime, how can i tell him this without him thinking i'm being a prude about it?

Maybe i'll change my mind about it but who knows. (link)
You need to open up and talk to him about what you're thinking and feeling. It might be difficult, it might start a fight, but not telling him can make the entire relationship go down the drain in a matter of minutes.

If he shows up at your door, expecting you to be all over him and ready to get it on and that doesn't happen the it's going to be a pretty bad situation. What he expects is not reasonable for a relationship like this.

Online relationships are different because you haven't actually been around the person yet. You don't know their little quirks just yet. You don't know a lot of things about the person until you're around them more. You can know a lot, you can know most things, but there are some things that cannot be conveyed in message and must be seen in person throughout the duration of a relationship.

There could be things you absolutely cannot stand about him--that he isn't even aware of so he can't even tell you about them. See what I'm saying?

While your relationship won't be just starting out when you two meet, you will be entering a new step in it--a step that most couples go through when they first get together. Before you jump in the sack with him you need to go through this. You need to spend time just spending time with him. Going out to eat, to the movies, bowling, and being able to see each other in action.

Sex needs to be put off for a little while until you two are more adjusted to each other in person. It doesn't mean you two won't have sex, or that you should put it off for a long period of time, but even a week is too short of a time, in my opinion. It's like being friends with someone and then deciding to date. You don't just hop into the sack. You give the relationship a little bit of time, even though you two know each other, and then see what happens in the bedroom.

You're not being a prude. You're being realistic. You're being mature. You're being in control of yourself. You're doing what is rational. You're doing what is right.

Just let him know.

- I really like you, and I think we have wonderful chemistry, but there is a topic that has come up a few times that's been on my mind. It's the whole sex aspect of "us." I think when you come visit me we shouldn't have sex right away, and it's not that I don't want to have sex with you, but I want our relationship to survive and I feel like jumping into that right away after meeting might end up damaging what we've built together. -

Couples who enter a relationship and immediately begin having sex usually don't last. Their relationship is hot as fire but burns out quickly because that's all their relationship becomes in the beginning. They haven't taken the time to build the real togetherness of what makes people compatible.

Just be open with him about your thoughts and feelings. If he gets upset that he isn't going to get laid right away then you might want to consider that you may be only a way to get laid to him. Talk to him, think things through, and figure out where things stand. It is DEFINITELY not unreasonable to say, "No sex right away, please!" and expect him to comply.


I am from Bangladesh right now on USA for two years. Still I am not good at English. Not because I am really weak at this but I can't talk to anybody first other than asked. I am not good at other studies either. Because of my bad voice that no one ever understands me that makes class participation grade low and for bad English and most likely bad hand writing cause me other grade being lower. Till I came to USA I have no friends yet as you already may realized. And with everything else my parents are from very traditional family. We are double poorer than normal poor people in USA. That doesn't matter. My parents keep blaming on me that they think I am being very bad being in school. I am freshman in HS. Where I go to school feeling act like nerd without brain and feeling uncomfortable all the time. School and home is the only thing I did two year. By the way I am male. When I first came my parents told me to stay home all the time that I can't mix with American tradition or being bad in their way. I know they want me good that's why they did it. After buying a computer I got something to do with in home. Then I kinda getting addicted to computer. Actually I don't have anything else to do. Beside homework in school are so easy that all finishes in one hour. All the time I stick with. Now my problem to them is I am being too lazy and I don't go outside. I agree. For using more computer and being alone I think I think I am having problem that make me depress quickly I found in online resources. My parents also blame me that I am not good as my friends. Friends from Bangladesh I contact with Facebook where they mostly try to avoid me. May be they are not but I am feeling like it. I saw with long time loneliness a disease come where I get angry or blame on someone for nothing or simple thing. Only thing I know I can do is lot of thinking. I can come to a great result with my thinking and visualization by reasoning but I don't use them. I can't see my mirror. But I think I am kinda shy and less in confident all the time on everything. I am a teen and you may guess my age as you know I am freshman in HS. My hobby "was" reading books and learn new things before using computer all the time. My interest is in science (astronomy and physics) But literary doing anything with this or to learn it's pretty hard for me. Why. Number one we are poor. Number two to get books from library I have to cross two avenue and 23 blocks to get there. Still I went there but most of the time I got sick or headache because I have synosise and axsima. I detect my problems try to find their solution but always feel like starting tomorrow and if I start any distraction to plan make me feel like I messed up need a new plan. Mostly because of computer. So I need help that i can control my won mind as the way I want. I know I still can but you know what I mean after reading all this. I also need my parents to be "happy" by getting good result and getting higher things than my friends. Almost impossible though. And I WANT TO GET RID of computer and things to do and way to learn new things other than going to computer. Or I can control myself while I am on computer. By that I mean I just don't start flowing away from that research to something else then something else again and something else and else again. And another think I don't want to think so much philosophical though as teen. I want to save them for later in life. I need help that I can stay or feel normal in school and practicing for better on normal talk. So those are some things I need advise about. Thanks for reading all this long. I am hoping for some good advise thanks. (link)
The computer is a great resource. It provides a lot of helpful information and can help you expand your knowledge. It is full of interesting things.

Our minds enjoy learning, interacting with other people, and being active. The computer lets us do all of those things at once. We learn about other people, chat with other people, and are minds are actively gathering new information from this computer technology. The computer allows us to do so much at once, and take in so much information quickly, that it very well can become addictive.

When there comes a point where you realize that something has taken control of your life--even if that something is typically good--then it's time to make a plan. A plan can help you get your life sorted out again and on the right track. Overuse of anything, even good things, can cause a lot of distress.

Make a daily schedule for yourself. Write it down on paper or print it off of the computer. Schedule your time wisely. Allow for computer-time only an hour (or two, depending on if you need computer time to research school material) each day. Make time to write your schedule at the end of each day or at the end of each week.

Make sure to make a healthy schedule. Write down times for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Set aside time for outside activities and "play" time. Set aside a time once a week to go to the library and check out a couple of books--and each day set aside time to read some of those books.

Stick to your schedule. Stick to the daily or weekly plan. If you have extra time then use it for something good, like helping to clean the house or going to a new place in town (and trying to meet people).

You don't need to throw away your computer. You just need to limit your time spent on it to something more healthy so that you can get out more and do more activities with other people in the fresh air.

Now, you mentioned being depressed at one time. I'm not sure if that is a current depression or in the past, but if you have access to mental health care then please seek out a good therapist. If you are in the United States then there are good chances you qualify for free mental health care. You can talk to a therapist, who will take the time to listen to you and help you sort out your issues, on a regular basis.

As for meeting new people and making friends, it will come in time. You should be in public more. Even going to the library regularly can help you get to know people there, such as others who frequent it or the librarians who work there. Just saying, "Hello, how are you today?" can start a good conversation. Do NOT be afraid to say, "I am from Bangladesh so my English isn't perfect. Do you think you could help me out by giving me suggestions for great places to see here?" If your accent is thick and heavy then you may need to repeat what you asked a couple of times, but the person (even if it's just the librarian) can probably still help you and write down some nice places for you to start looking at while you're in the United States.


I have a very good friend who lives at home with his mother, his 18 year old sister,and his 35 year old sister and her daughter. This woman (the 35 year old) is crazy. Among other problems she causes for this family, she has 15+ cats and two very aggressive dogs living in their garage.
Personally, I've only been in their garage once- they don't like me in there. The conditions are horrible. It's filthy, there's garbage everywhere, and the litterboxes go uncleaned. The woman puts out a few dishes of food, but it's hardly enough for all the cats, and that's assuming that the given food is divided equally between all of them. (obviously not happening.)
Only a few of the male cats are neutered, and none of the females are spayed. I am sure that none of them are up to date on their vaccines. My friend had told me that many of the cats have eye infections that have been going untreated for a while now.
My problem is, what can I do? I know I am capable of helping. I have a lot of experience with animals, particularly cats, and I am a student of vet medicine. But I can't get involved personally, because the woman would not allow me. She truly believes she's taking care of the cats properly, and gets very violent if you try to tell her otherwise. My friend knows that there are problems, and has tried to talk to her himself, but to no avail.
I am thinking about calling someone to go look at the situation, like a local shelter or animal control. My problem with this is that I am very close with everyone else in the house, and I feel that an experience like that could really distress them. One of my concerns, is that the family also has 4 house cats (properly taken care of) that they love dearly. Would animal control take them away too?
The whole situation bothers me deeply. I feel I really need to protect the cats being neglected, but I can't bear to cause disturbance in my friend's home.. Besides that, his sister will hold a personal grudge against me. I know it's the right thing to do, but it's a tricky situation. Can anyone help? (link)
You need to make the call. You really do.

She may mean well but she doesn't have the ability to care for 15+ animals. Nobody does. Nobody can take on such a huge responsibility like that and expect to tend to each and every one of those creatures 24/7 properly. 15 is entirely too many to be able to feed, nurture, wash, care for, and love on each day.

You need to give a call to multiple people. Animal control. The local law enforcement. No-kill shelters.

Tell them the situation. Be honest. The woman means NO harm to the animals but it's beyond her ability to care for them. She tries her best but it's time somebody steps in and takes control of the situation.

Eye infections are usually not actually eye infections in animals like this. It could be a respiratory disease that shows this sort of symptom. Many times animals like this can infect other local animals, including humans, and it can lead to some seriously unsanitary, unsafe conditions for anyone and everyone.

I once saw a show where what you described was happening. A woman had a "guess" of about 15 cats living with her. She thought she took great care of them. She loved them a whole lot. She tried to tend to them all, but some were sick and some she didn't see for days, if not weeks or longer. She was aggressive when authorities finally stepped in.

Turns out, it was against the law to own so many pets.

So, they took the kitties that were in her custody away from her. She was made to go through some animal-care classes to learn about her behavior doing more harm than good to her beloved pets. She was allowed to keep some of her kitties once she was done with the sessions. And she did. If I recall correctly, she was allowed to choose 5 or 6 healthy cats to keep. Unfortunately, MANY of her cats had been euthanize because of serious, untreated infection that had been slowly killing them for weeks. They were put down so that they no longer had to suffer what was going to happen to them.

They would very likely take the pets inside the house away, too, but if she was honest in her intentions of only trying to be a good pet owner, proved that she would try to get herself better educated about it, and was persistent on doing better then they would likely allow her to regain a few of her pets--but not all of them.

You need to make the call.

You need to.

You don't need to leave your name or number. You don't have to admit that you were the one who called. You don't need to say anything about it. You just need to call and say that there is a very nice, older woman who you know owns 15 or more cats and is UNABLE to take care of them properly. You don't even have to say "isn't" taking care of them. She is unable to. Anyone would be unable to. Chances are, she isn't even allowed to keep that many animals on her property.

Most of her neighbors probably know about her keeping so many animals. Any one of them could have made this call before instead of letting it get so out of control. Somebody needs to step in so that this woman can learn and grow. Those animals need a healthier situation if they are going to have GOOD lives, and the woman needs to learn HOW to tend to pets so that she can be a better person and achieve her goal in owning such animals.

Call them. If you choose to tell them that you made the call then after they calm down I think they will understand. It's no only harming the pets, but it's harming the entire household by keeping sick animals so close. Please call.


How can I make a black eye go away faster? (link)
Take an ibuprofen tablet to help reduce some swelling first of all. If you must lay down, prop your head up to allow swelling to not accumulate in this area as much.

Take an ice pack, wrap it in a thin cloth (like a washcloth), and hold it on your bruised eye for a full 15 minutes.

Remove the ice pack and let the area warm up slowly (do not apply anything warm, let your body do the warming itself) by very lightly massaging around the bruised part of your eye. Do not press hard and do not press on your eye. Light, circular motions until the skin is warm again. If you can, do this for a full 15 minutes. Try not to press much on the bruised part itself until some of the discoloration starts to go away. You want to help the fresh blood remove the dead blood that has gathered at the surface of the injury site so you need to help the circulation process. Running your fingers LIGHTLY over the bruise also helps to get your blood circulating properly in that area again--but be GENTLE.

Once the area is warm and body-temperature again (about 30 minutes after you removed the ice pack), repeat the above ice/warm-up/massage technique.

You can repeat this process all day, every day, until the bruising diminishes.

I once removed a dark bruise on my body in 2 days following this method. Of course, the bruise was not on my face, but it was fresh and very prominent.

Be patient with the bruise. Don't press hard on it, take your vitamins as usual to help the body heal, and stay hydrated with pure, clean water. You'd be surprised at how fast the healing process is when you're taking care of your body. So, make sure you take care of it so you can have a speedy recovery from the injury.


I bought a new HE washer 2 years ago and it's become increasingly smelly. I don't think anything has broken in the unit. It's gotten to the point that my towels and jeans come out smelling musty though. They do LOOK clean. I use the HE or high efficiency liquid detergent (ALL brand) and I don't use liquid fabric softener. I never put more than the recommended amount of soap in the dispenser tray. I don't sweat a lot so I don't think that my clothes are too dirty or something. I am just tired of them coming out smelly. It seems like the machine that is suppose to wash my clothes is too dirty to do it's job or something. When I open the door to the front loading washing machine it just smells nasty. What am I doing wrong? Do I need to buy a NEW washing machine already? (link)
These high efficiency washing machines are notorious for producing such musty, mildew smells. The truth is, it usually is a mold or mildew problem within the machine itself. Sometimes you, the consumer, can clean out the mold/mildew problem enough that the odor will disappear, and sometimes the problem is so severe that it's just hazardous to your health to continue keeping such a mess inside of your house.

You should always call the manufacturer about such problems first because your machine may still be under warranty. They can send a "repair man" out to your place that will give you some tips and, if he actually does his job, will open up the unit to show you how to clean out the filter or trap.

There are some lawsuits going through about these washers, too, depending on what brand and model you have. The rubber seal has been known to produce a specific type of mold that not much of anything can kill completely. After you drop quite a bit of money on one of these machines you don't expect it to be overrun with mold within a few months of use. ;) So, you might want to check into that.

In some cases, when the manufacturer sees fit, the unit may be replaced, or they may send you a new seal. Do not offer to buy the seal. They usually range a couple of hundred dollars. Don't go that route right off the bat. See if something can be done with what you have before you dish out another nice chunk of money. And, sadly, the chances that the mold from the seal has spread throughout the tubing and inner-workings of the unit is very high. Replacing ONE part isn't likely to fix the problem in the long-run. You'd have to continue to replace the part over and over and...over.

If possible, look up the make and model of your unit online and see if it's possible to reach the trap or filter. UNPLUG THE UNIT BEFORE REMOVING ANYTHING! This is usually in the front of the washer, below the door. It's typically screwed together with two or three small screws. From there you'll see a white colored knob that you can twist off. There is some water in that area that should be drained regularly. Sometimes coins, baby socks, dollar bills, and other pieces of lint and tidbits from pockets get lodged in this area. Be warned, they may be moldy, black or brown, at this point if you've never cleaned out the filter before. You want to remove the debris and clean this area well with some bleach water. Do this once a week for the first month and then, from here on out, once a month. If, for some reason, you aren't into the whole using-bleach option (understandable; bleach is horrible for the environment) then you can soak the stuff in hot water and vinegar. You may need to soak parts overnight in the water/vinegar solution.

If you haven't already, pull out the tray for your detergent and scrub it down in the same solution listed above (bleach water or vinegar water). Sometimes mold can actually grow in that little compartment, and a good scrubbing once a week for the first month, and once a month from then on out, can help remove that problem entirely.

Clean the seal in the front area of your washer with a strong vinegar solution. Scrub hard. Elbow grease! In addition, scrub the clear door down really, really well. I do recommend that if you have a rechargeable Scum Buster from Black & Decker you break it out, fill it with vinegar, and go to town. That little powered widget would save you A LOT of time, soaking, and work.

Rinse out the washer with vinegar. Pour a couple of cups of vinegar into the detergent and fabric soften trays. Set the washer on the longest, hottest cycle with a double rinse. You can throw in a towel or a few washcloths if you think their ability to scrub a little more would be helpful, but it isn't necessary. Turn it on and let the washer do it's thing.

Cycle your washer with hot water and vinegar once a week for the first month, and then once a month there on after.

Always leave the compartment for the detergent and soften opened after a wash to help it air out and dry properly. Always leave the door open after a wash to help it dry out and breathe, too.

Try to avoid using much bleach if you decide to go that route. The seal can easily be damaged if too much bleach is applied to it. Personally, I'd go for sanitizing most, if not all, of the washer with vinegar. Vinegar is cheap and less harmful.


I just gave my friend a bj (I'm a girl) it lasted about 5 minutes when I had to stop... he told me that I was good but I didn't believe him. ...he didn't *** but I told him I was sorry...we are both virgins and it was my first time so I as very nervous, he kept holding onto my hair and pushing my head down, it felt good so I didn't gag,so after I finishd we hugged and he left, WE DIDN'T EVEN KISS, AND WE AREN'T DATING!!!! was it a mistake (I'm 13) (link)
This sounds like a huge mistake.

It also sounds like your "friend" is taking advantage of you, and may not be being honest with you about his virginity status. Doing this sort of thing can cause you to develop some negative, self-destructive traits.

Guys who are virgins don't typically hold onto a girl's hair and push her head down the first time they receive oral sex. That sort of thing comes later, after a little more experience, and whatnot. They also don't remark that you are "good" if they haven't ever experienced such things before. It's also pretty common for guys to finish early into the sexual relationship when they are virgins (usually because of over-excitement about their first time doing this). I would bet money that your friend isn't a virgin.

Now, maybe his idea of virginity is something else though. Many people assume virginity means penis-in-vagina.

Unfortunately, there is no true medical definition for virginity. This leads people to run with their own ideas. Instead, let's pick up a real dictionary:


As per Webster's Dictionary:

Virginity:

- the quality or state of being virgin


Virgin:

- an absolutely chaste young woman

- a person who has not had sexual intercourse

- a person who is inexperienced in a usually specified sphere of activity


Chaste:

- celibate

- pure in thought and act


Celibacy:

- abstention from sexual intercourse


Sexual Intercourse:

- 1: heterosexual intercourse involving penetration of the vagina by the penis

- 2: intercourse (as anal or oral intercourse) that does not involve penetration of the vagina by the penis


Putting those definitions together to form accurate information:

Virginity refers to a person who has abstained from vaginal, anal, and oral intercourse.


As per some Wikipedia knowledge:

A virgin (or maiden) originally meant a woman who has never had sexual intercourse. Virginity is the state of being a virgin. It is derived from the Latin virgo, which means "sexually inexperienced woman"


Oral sex is sex.

Having oral sex means you're not sexually inexperienced.


While you may be a virgin to the whole penis-in-vagina thing, engaging is oral sex IS engaging in sex. Engaging in sex typically means the loss of virginity and sexual purity.

Otherwise, homosexual males would always be virgins. A homosexual male could have sex with 50 men and still claim virginity then. A lesbian could have sex with a million women and still claim virginity. That doesn't quite make sense, does it?

You can also contract a wide variety of SEXUALLY transmitted diseases by engaging in oral sex. STDs typically occur in non-virgins. How would you explain being a virgin when your doctor found a case of chlamydia in your anus or down you throat on your vocal cords? Your doctor would not consider you to be a virgin, free of STDs, or sexually "pure" if you were to come to him for a check-up and STD screening.

Serious risks of engaging in oral sex with a man or a woman include:

1. Herpes is probably the biggest STD risk during oral sex. Both strains of herpes can live in the mouth or the genitals, and particularly during outbreaks (cold sores, herpes lesions) can be passed from one place to the other. More than 50% of a random group of people will have antibodies to the virus (indicating some level of infection). Genital herpes is complicated and uncomfortable. Herpes can be passed on even if no sores are present.

2. Chlamydia and gonorrhea can infect your throat, showing strep like symptoms. These can also infect the eye; eye infections can have serious consequences. Roughly, 80% of women who have chlamydia have no symptoms and it can prevent them from ever having children.

3. HIV can be passed through unprotected oral sex. The infected semen/precum or vaginal fluid must enter the body through a cut or sore in the mouth or esophagus. You may not even be aware you have a cut in your mouth or throat. Some people take up to 10 years to show that they have contracted HIV/AIDS.

4. HPV can be passed during oral sex. HPV has been found on vocal chords. There is no test to find out if a man has HPV and men usually show no symptoms.

5. Syphilis can be passed similar to HIV. Signs and symptoms are indistinguishable from those of other diseases so some people go a long time without knowing they have it. Mothers can pass this onto their babies without knowing it.

6. Hepatitis A is also a risk, but usually only oral-anal contact. Hep A is not a chronic condition like Hep B and C, but can make a person quite sick several weeks.

Being friends with benefits has the drawback that one side usually ends up developing feelings for the other side. Typically the female of this sort of situation ends up doing this, which is obvious what may be happening here.

The problem is this:
The guy wants what he can get from you. He realizes that you have feelings for him and is afraid that if he tells you that he simply does not see you as girlfriend material that you will leave and he cannot use you any more. In other words, he's leading you on so that you'll stick around. He will say you two are friends, compliment your "abilities," and be fairly nice to you...only to keep you around for sex.

I don't mean to sound harsh but this is probably what is really happening:
You're easy and he doesn't see himself getting many "easy" girls. He wants to keep you hanging on so you don't go away and he's left with no sexual contact again.

Most guys (not all, of course) tend to be driven by their hormones, especially when they're young (even throughout their 20s). These guys quickly learn how to "play the game" to the best advantages they can receive. He has, most likely, learned how to string you along and will do so until you completely leave from frustration. He may end up saying later that he "likes you a lot" but just isn't "ready" for a girlfriend--or some other total bullshit line.

Forget this guy and move on.
Find friends who treat you like FRIENDS.
You shouldn't allow yourself to be used like this anyway--you are better than that and you deserve to be treated like a lady.

He really just isn't that into you.
Even if this was to spur some sort of real relationship, it simply wouldn't last. The entire basis of the relationship would be sex, and those relationships burn out very quickly. He's interested in what you can give him, not who you are.
He has no special feelings to you because you aren't special to him. He sees you as someone he can use and drop whenever he wants. He'll lead you on, keeping you hanging and hoping, but won't ever develop feelings for you the way you may develop feelings for him.

The problem with friends with benefits is that people tend to become emotionally attached at some point, usually females. When this happens it seems that the person simply cannot grasp that a real relationship is not forming and is not there. They tend to become very depressed and may even obsess over their sexual partner, hoping for some glimmer of a relationship--which, by the way, can never be strong if it were to form because the entire basis for (at least) one person would be sex.

I believe that communication and overall interaction is cut down so much as to avoid emotional baggage from forming (which usually forms anyway but these sort of people try to avoid it, naturally). The more you interact with someone on a personal basis (ie: getting to know who they are), the more likely it is that you will develop some sort of attachment to them. Attachment is a hard thing while in a friends with benefits situation because the other person typically does not share those same feelings for you.

It simply comes down to cutting personal contact out to be able to have a guilt-free sexual relationship. The more you know about a person, the higher chances there are that you will become emotionally or mentally attached to them. This is why many people say that these kinds of "relationships" are extremely unhealthy--you do not learn how to effectively communicate and interact with a partner at all.

The truth is, when you engage in a friends with benefits "relationship" you never do learn how to communicate effectively for a true relationship. This is why a lot of men and women who use to be in that sort of "relationship" always end up in the same place, without a personal attachment to their sexual partner.

A person that engages in those types of relationships tends to already have low self esteem and a low self concept of themselves. They are seeking what they feel is the only "love" they are able to get because they are just so unworthy of other types of care. These relationships tend to bring the person down further, to where they will circle the same path over and over in life. They tend to be the ones that never marry, or do not marry until very, very late in life because it takes them that long to figure out how to un-do the bad things they had taught themselves in poor relationships before.

You see, if you are only having sex then the other person simply does not see you as boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner type for them. To them, you are lower than the boyfriend/girlfriend they have or may have had (or will have). A lot of people tend to be sucked in by this, hanging on for that one day the person says, "You know, I kept saying that I just needed some more time before hopping in a real relationship, well...it's time for us..." That simply does not happen. Ever. If it does, it burns out very, very quickly because the entire basis of it is sexual.

Yes, this relationship is hurting you as a person. Being young, you probably won't see the reality of what has happened to yourself until you're years down the road. I know I didn't see what was going on when I was having sex with someone that I knew wasn't right.

Now, I've had a couple of friends who have been in a friends with benefits situation. I don't mean to speak badly of them but they are in a horrible mess in their lives.

First, there is one that has had so many sex partners that she can't remember all of their names--that doesn't count the ones she didn't know the names of, mind you. She lost her virginity because a guy wanted to do the friends with benefits thing. She cannot keep a steady relationship to save her life because she is constantly thinking sex will solve all of their relationship problems. She has been used time and time again. She has HVP--genital warts kind, and I wholeheartedly believe that she cannot become pregnant because of diseases she may carry (she doesn't use protection so you'd think she'd be pregnant by now). She is constantly depressed, drinks insane amounts, and has harmed herself in the past to the point of trying to commit suicide. Why? Because nobody "loves" her. Why don't they love her? Because she thinks sex is love--and it's not.

As a note, the friend above always feels like the guy loves her after she has sex with him. He ends up getting stalked by her for weeks. It's really, really sad that she's that desperate and doesn't realize that to snag a GOOD man then DON'T HAVE SEX WITH THEM!

Then there is another friend. She was pressured into having sex when she was around 16 by her peers. They were all talking about sex so she thought she might as well start doing it too. She has been used and tossed out so many times. She has done some horrific things that I'm sure she's ashamed of. The first guy dumped her and then she did friends with benefits with a few guys here and there. A group of guys use to say, "When Tiffany is around you know SOMEONE is getting laid!" It was disgusting how low she put herself. She made herself a sex object. She's in the same predicament the first girl is--going from guy to guy, looking for love, having sex with as many people as she can.

Having sex to snag a guy for life is not a good choice, you see.


Move on, move forward, and grow as a healthy, beautiful woman. Don't pick up baggage from this guy. You don't want to go any further into this mess. Learn your lesson, never repeat the mistake again, and get away from this creep.


My brother found a bird a couple days ago and we are taking care of it. I don't know what kind of bird it is.

He has feathers that stick up on his head.

When you put your finger up to his face, he will put his head down so you could pet his head.

His beak is grey. The top part curves down into the bottom half of his beak. The top is bigger than the bottom.

Thank you to everyone who answers! (link)
He found a bird? As in, it was outside and he caught it? That isn't FINDING a bird then. That's catching a wild creature and holding it captive.

And while the bird may be friendly (ie: not peck your eyes out right away), it doesn't mean it's safe to keep or even touch. Many birds carry diseases and a wide variety of parasites. Many don't show any signs of being infected until in their final stages. You have no idea what a wild bird has eaten, nested and bathed in, or came in contact with. Many birds carry salmonella, which is the least of your worries.

An example of a disease a bird can carry but show no signs:

"Many caged and wild birds carry Chlamydophila psittaci (used to be called Chlamydia psittaci) and yet appear to be healthy.
...
Human infection can be acquired by inhaling dusty droppings or droplets in the air from the bird sneezing or from using high pressure hoses to clean cages and aviaries or from doing necropsies (post mortems) without appropriate protection with mask, gloves etc.. Bird chlamydiosis in people can range from a very mild to life-threatening disease. Fever, flu-like symptoms, sore eyes, chest, liver and brain signs may develop."

http://www.drrossperry.com.au/birds/bird-book-section3e-human-diseases-from-birds.php

If the bird is injured then your best bet is to take the bird to someone who can help it. This would likely be a veterinarian, who specializes in animal care and has the tools necessary to remain safe and sanitary.

If the bird is ill then you need to get rid of the bird immediately. Sick birds are not good to have around, no matter how cute or friendly they appear to be.

I am sorry but your description isn't too helpful in narrowing down what this particular bird is. When typing in "feathers on top of head top beak larger than bottom bird" to Google there is a large number of results. Unfortunately, you neglected to give us the color(s) and size of the bird, too, so it makes narrowing down those results almost impossible.


i am 22 and have been having sex for quite a few years with my long term boyfriend we even have a baby together
the last 2 times weve had sex how ever i have bled last time he was fingering me for quite sometime before we actually had sex and was doing it quite hard and there was a little bit of pink when i went to the washroom after and the second time he fingerd me just a little bit and then we had sex and there seemed to be quite a bit of blood then and my periods not for another couple weeks im starting to get quite worried (link)
It's possible you:

Have an STD (such as chlamydia or gonorrhea)

Are experiencing a side effect of a medication

Have thinning vaginal walls from hormonal birth control pills

Have a hormonal imbalance

Have abnormal growths internally (such as cancerous lesions or uterine polyps)

Inflammation and/or infection (such as bacterial vaginosis or trichomoniasis)

Have developed a condition called endometriosis

The top 10 reasons for bleeding during intercourse:

1. Cervical dysplasia
2. Chlamydia
3. Gonorrhea
4. Vaginitis or Cervicitis
5. Cervical polyps
6. Trichomoniasis
7. Vaginal yeast infection
8. Endometritis or Adenomyosis
9. Uterine polyps
10. Uterine fibroid tumors

http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/menstruation/a/bleedaftersex.htm

It's time to see you doctor and see what's going on with your body. While the time you were fingered roughly could have been the reason for the first bleeding, bleeding beyond that doesn't sound normal at all. Talk with your doctor, get checked out, and see what can be done about this.


The doll in this video beside the sleeping dog is really cute! It's been a long time since I've seen a doll that actually looks creep and not so creepy. If anyone knows the name of this doll or where to buy this one please let me know!

http://video.ca.msn.com/watch/video/sleeping-puppy-dreaming/1gl32h1ja (link)
Alright, I see you're talking about the TOY and not the DOG. I feel I have clearly read your question and understand it. ;)

The doll looks like a Kewpie doll in a little yellow teddy bear costume. Kewpie dolls (also sometimes referred to as Cupie dolls) first appeared in the early 1900s. Kewpies were originally made in Germany, and are named after Cupid. The Kewpie doll is even the official mascot of a small fast-food chain in Michigan called Kewpee Hamburgers (and, also, the mascot of Hickman High School in Columbia, Missouri).

The doll featured is probably a remake, as they have been seen throughout the years in plastic form.

You can find a ton of affordable Kewpie dolls on Etsy (most you would need to dress yourself if you wanted clothing):

http://www.etsy.com/search_results.php?search_query=kewpie+doll&search_type=all

QVC has a Kewpie doll dressed as a ducky:

http://www.qvc.com/qic/qvcapp.aspx/view.2/app.detail/params.item.C141488.desc.Kewpie-Puddles-8-Vinyl-Doll

Ebay has some cute Kewpies:

http://shop.ebay.com/?_from=R40&_trksid=m570&_nkw=kewpie+doll

Unfortunately, this Kewpie is about as close as I'm getting to a yellow bear outfitted one:

http://cgi.ebay.com/JAPAN-DOLL-Kewpie-Rose-ONeill-kewpie-X-Roddy-Yellow-/370366982364?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item563b97a8dc

OH, and these are somewhat close:

http://cgi.ebay.com/10-BABY-BEANS-70s-MATTEL-8-1-2-VINYL-KEWPIE-NR-/120668095008?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item1c18610220

http://cgi.ebay.com/Jesco-Cameo-African-American-8-Kewpie-Doll-844-OB-/150527314237?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item230c20893d


My ex boyfriend text me today, apologizing for everything that he did to me and he told me that he's glad that I found someone new and that he misses me. Basically we dated for five months and he broke up with me in August through an instant message conversation, he was my first real boyfriend and my first sexual partner. Before we dated I had known him for almost half my life, and I guess that I was his first “love” although it's complicated because he did a lot of things towards the end to dick me around.
I decided that I miss our friendship but I don't know if I can have in my life after the way that he treated me, so I asked for closure. Closure to let go of someone who was a big part of my life.
Well since we've broken up I've met someone new, and in my eyes he easily towers over my ex boyfriend. I've been dating this guy for about a month and I think that we have a real future together. I just feel this comfort around him, like I can totally be myself, he doesn't insult me and I felt like my ex started to. I can open up to him and when I feel insecure about something, I know that I can tell him.
I made plans to hang out with my ex for closure but now I feel like it's a stupid idea. I'm really afraid of messing up what my boyfriend and I have together. He's going to be there when I get my closure, but I just feel like seeing my ex again will be a bad idea.
Maybe it's because when I saw my ex, he used me for casual sex. I'm a little bit worried about feelings reigniting somehow, I don't know. Like I realize that my ex and I were never meant to be, and my current boyfriend is really great for me. It's weird, are these feelings normal and is it really a bad idea to get closure from the guy that I previously dated for five months, have known for years, and whose friendship I miss? Or am I right to want closure and just worrying over nothing?
(link)
I don't mean to be rude here but, honestly, what do you think is magically going to happen by seeing your ex face-to-face that will allow you to close the doors from the past relationships?

You two broke up. You don't really communicate. He apologized for treating you badly. Do you really need to see his face to be able to let the entire thing go? What do you feel you will gain by seeing him in person? What do you feel it will truly end, and why are you hanging onto something right now that you feel you need closed and ended?

I had a friend who "needed closure" on relationships. The truth is, every time she sought "closure" she was really trying to open the doors back up in case the guy wanted to be with her again. It was VERY obvious that she was not seeking to truly CLOSE the past relationship, but, rather, to spark something up again. She is not the only person I've seen do this, and I feel it's a pretty common thing. Closure, in my opinion, is absolutely a made-up idea that somebody started so that they could make an excuse to see their ex again, even for just a few moments.

The relationship has ended, you were apologized to, and you have moved forward with another person. There is no reason to even need to see your ex in person unless there are loose ties floating around--and if you have truly moved on then there shouldn't be any more questions that need answers from him.

I, personally, think this is a bad idea that could end up going sour and ruining your current relationship. I can't tell you how many people I've encountered that have seen their ex (with or without their current partner present) and it ended up stirring some hard feelings in the new partner to the extent of ruining what the couple had together.

If the relationship has completely ended for you, and you have truly moved on, then you shouldn't even think twice about your ex. If you are "a little bit worried" that sparks may begin to fly again then you're taking a completely unnecessary risk.

Decide what you feel is not closed.
Ask yourself why it isn't closed.
Figure out why you think seeing your ex person will close the issue.
Question your true feelings for your ex if you think "seeing him one last time" is honestly going to close the doors to the past.
And, lastly, if there ARE questions that you feel need to be answered then why can't they be answered in any other situation (phone, email, letter, etc.)?

The past is the past. It'll always be there. You'll always carry some baggage from it. Seeing your ex could just start trouble, and do nothing for magically forgetting what has been done. The past will never be forgotten just because you wish it didn't happen.

Once a relationship, which is such a strong bond, had formed and broken off then you can't just go back to being friends. It's too complicated, brings too much baggage forward, and can cause a wide variety of issues for both parties. While you may have been great friends before dating, it really could just be asking for trouble to attempt it now.


I have been with this guy for 2 years.
We have been through a lot, for a year we had to sneak around because my dad didnt like him.
He made me so happy though and I had so much fun with him.
He even told me his deepest secret-that he was raped when he was 4.
He smokes weed a lot and never seems to be able to quit. He has a lot of problems. I used to not mind the weed thing, but now I have outgrown it and it annoys me he depends on it...
He is also not legally allowed to get a job. This frusterates me a great deal that I always pay, then I feel bad because I know its impossible for him to get one...
Anyways we fight a lot now. I love him, but I do not believe I am still "in love". I promised him I would stay with him forever and help him with his problems.
I have kept thinking about seperating but I always second-guess if I should...
If I decide I am trunly unhappy, I will...I just do not know how....he is soo sensitive and has even told me he would kill himself if I left him. He is madly in love with me and I am the only one that gets him...

What should I do? What do I say to the poor guy if I leave him?
:(

I'm so unhappy and lost right now....


20/f
(link)
It sounds like it's time to step away. If you are questioning being with him and you no longer feel the spark of love then maybe your relationship has burned out.

"It feels like you are constantly choose marijuana over me and our relationship. You can dish out money for your pot habit but you won't dish out a penny to take me out and have a nice time with just me. It makes me feel worthless."

I dated a guy who told me that if we broke up then he'd kill himself. It scared me. It was his way of controlling me though. When I realized that we weren't suitable for each other and tried to break it up he threw the suicidal thing out there at me so that I would feel bad and go along with what he wanted to do. That relationship was really hard on me. I stuck through all of the insane things he did because I feared he would end his life if I left. In the end, he was the one to leave me. Ironic, isn't it?

And when the truth came out some time later, he never was suicidal. He never would have taken his life. It was just a way of being able to control what I did. He knew I believed him and feared he would die. Nobody wants to see somebody else die. He never meant a word of those threats.

I'm not saying your boyfriend is not being honest about his intentions but I am saying that it's possible he won't actually make those threats come to reality. I can tell you that you should never stay with someone because you feel they depend on you. If you don't have the same feelings for them as they have for you then you just aren't suited for each other after all. Your boyfriend may need psychological help--you, just being you, will never make him better, and, unfortunately, if you stick by him now out of fear he will harm himself then you might as well figure the rest of your life with him. He is seeking refuge in YOU and WEED. That is about as unhealthy as it gets. He needs to talk to a therapist to get the trauma out there, open, and dealt with. Bottling it up inside and relying on you and pot to take those feelings away is extremely unhealthy for the both of you.

That being said, honesty is the best policy.

The above works, along with:

"I think it's time you talked with a professional about some of the things you told me. I know you're depressed, and it worries me. Turning to weed all of the time to 'fix' the feelings isn't going to make them go away. You need to learn to confront them and deal with them appropriately. I want you to get help."

and

"I once felt like you were my world, and I loved you very much, but the passion has burned out. I don't really feel that spark any more. It's bland between us. I almost feel trapped in some monotonous cycle. It's time for us both to move on and move forward."

If you sugar-coat things then he may get the wrong impression of what is happening. Being upfront, straight-to-the-point, and honest can actually encourage him to get help and work on himself.

When people are broken like this and they refuse to fix it then sometimes they just aren't ready for real relationships. They may not even know how to love another person. They may never, ever know how to treat another human being properly without actually getting real, professional help. He isn't "ready" in this stage of his life is what I'm saying.

If you break it up then do so completely. No flirty-flirty text messages or anything that encourages him to hold onto what is broken. Don't make other promises like, "If you get help we will get back together." Be honest. If he asks if you'll take him back after he gets help you should be honest-- "Yes, probably," "No, probably not," "I'm not really sure right now. It depends on what happens and if you get some things in your life sorted out. It really isn't a yes or no thing for me right now. We would have to talk about it after you got help."

If you break up with him and he threatens suicide, and you legitimately think he's going to go through with it, you can legally call 9-1-1 and not get in trouble for saving his life, even if he was bluffing. If you feel the threat is serious then you do the appropriate steps to get him help without becoming his tool. Calling 911 is the right thing to do if you break up with him and he makes the threat. In the worst case scenario, the ambulance arrives and takes him into the psychiatric facility for help.




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