about

My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda (or Manda - NEVER Mandy), and I'm 22 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In the last 5 years, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to engaged, from tenant to homeowner.

I've also been struggling with a recent diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life over the last few years and taken just about everything from me. Never one to let things get me down permanently, however, I'm building a new life from scratch. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.

Feel free to contact me via my e-mail, MSN or AIM. I'm a computer addict, so I'm often available at odd hours.

advice

My mom is married to this really, really fat guy and he is going to be having the lap-band done. He tried to lose the weight with diet and exercise but he has gained the weight back and he is entirely too large so his health is at risk. He's already on heart medication and high blood pressure medication. He went into the hospital before because he got to be so big his lungs started to fill with fluid! I understand their desire to get this type of surgery done so that he can actually live.

I'm curious about the lap-band though. What is the difference between the lap band and gastric bypass? When my mom said he would be having the "lap band surgery" I said, "Don't you mean gastric bypass surgery?" and she said they were different. What's different about them?

The lap band is a procedure that puts a small ring, almost like an inner tube around the stomach. This separates off the stomach into two compartments. It is adjustable by means of injecting or removing fluid from the ring through a tap near the skin. It's also reversible.

Gastric bypass surgery is when you make the stomach into two compartments and attach the small intestine to the small compartment. It's much riskier, and irreversible.

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i am currently stuck between three majors i REALLY like.

i aws thinking of double-majoring in college.

it'd either be between mechanical engineering and architecture or mechanical engineering & graphic design.

is this a good idea? none of these majors are too connected (except engineering and architecture, they're VERY loosely connected because both use physics). i'm worried that if i do choose to do this, i'll be severely overworked. especially if i choose to attend an ivy league school.

In engineering, one generally doesn't double major. I'm in electrical engineering, and it's a 40 hour week as is.

A lot of schools will offer a major in engineering with a minor in social sciences or business, but not a double major.

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Okay so basically my mom is Crazy.

Ever since i was in fifth grade (I'm now 19) Shes just been ridiculous. Every time shes having a horrible day she'll come home and lock everyone out of the house. Its gotten to the point where my older brother will kick down the door.

There was one time when she was mad at me, she came up to me, hit me with shoes and then smeared peanut butter all over and and called the police.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore, i'm at my wits end. She constantly puts me down and says hurtful things all the time. I feel like the reason im so shy is because of how shes acted my whole life.

How do i approach her and let her know how im feeling, with out it turning into a crazy bitch fest? Im sick and tired of everytime i try talking to her in a reasonable tone and having her attack me.

I just dont know what to do someone help me

What you're going to need to do is step up and be really mature and understanding.

This sounds like a serious case of unchecked mental illness. Your mother could have a serious problem like depression, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.

On one of her good days, you need to suggest to her that she go for counselling. Don't be accusing, don't be on the offense. No using the word crazy, no cursing, no shouting. Just tell her that you think that she's been struggling a bit in dealing with things, and that you want her to get help. Tell her you'll be there the whole time as long as she promises to try.

If you feel you need to, have another family member around, or a strong male family friend who can protect you if she gets violent. If she is a danger to you or to herself, call the police and have her taken to the hospital where she can be supervised and forced into treatment.

If she refuses to try and get help, then you need to leave the house. It is not a healthy environment, and you shouldn't have to deal with someone who has no intentions of changing like that.

This all sounds very harsh, but I went through the same thing from your mom's end a few years ago. I would react horribly to small things. Fortunately, because my fiance did have me taken to the hospital, they were able to diagnose and treat me, and now things are a lot better!

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My boyfriend and I are wanting to have sex but we can't really afford to buy birth control pills or condoms because neither of us have jobs. I know condoms are suppose to be cheaper but when I looked at the store it really seems like they're going to get costly in a hurry with the way we're feeling about having sex. I just cannot get pregnant so going without protection is really not an option, even if it's just in the beginning.

Is there a way I can get free condoms or free birth control? I can't tell my mom either so please don't suggest I ask her to buy them for me!

Generally you can get free condoms at Planned Parenthood clinics or at school counsellors. You can't get birth control pills for free, but I know my university offers them for $10 a month and so does the family planning clinic nearby.

If you can't handle a pregnancy right now, you should be using both the pill and condoms. If you can't afford it, you can't afford to have sex, unfortunately.

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16/f

so ive been dating this guy for 5 months and we have done things like fingering, hand job and hes played with my boobs. while lately he has been kinda rough when he plays with my boobs and i usually dont mind it cause it just hurts alittle. but today he was doing it really hard and it only hurt alittle but after i went to the bathroom and found red spots around my boobs and i know its cause he was squeezing them too hard. so i told him just cause i thought he should know. so my question is, how do i not make him feel bad about it? i mean i love when he plays with them but he said that now since he knows this he is gonna stop completely and i guess he should but i like that and we dont wanna have sex and playing with em turns me on so idk. should we stop all together or should i just tell him to be gentle with me??

i would gladly appreciate any advice.

Tell him he can still play, but if he gets too rough remind him gently that they are, in fact, attached to your body. It's a common guy problem; they don't realize how much abuse breasts can and can't take.

If it makes you happy, keep doing it! It's a zero risk activity... except for a few minor bruises, that is ;)

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My boyfriend wants me to go on the birth control pill so he doesn't have to put a condom on when we have sex but I'm not sure if it's safe to do that. We really can't risk me getting pregnant so I want all of the information on this before I go on the pill so I know what needs to happen for us to be safe. I'm not against going on the pill or anything, but I do want to know if we'll be safe and protected if he doesn't wear a condom any more when we have sex. My boyfriend says as long as I take the pill every day then he won't have to wear a condom, but a friend of mine says she still makes her boyfriend wear a condom just be on the safe side even though she's been on the pill for like 3 months now.

Any info. is great info.

Thanks!

The pill is not fail-safe. Heck, that's why I'm in existence! If you're sick, or you take antibiotics, or take it at the wrong time, there's a risk. Even when it all goes down perfectly, there's still a tiny risk.

I always advocate the use of several forms of birth control if you're not prepared to deal with a pregnancy. Condom, birth control pill/shot/patch and spermicidal lube.

If your boyfriend has a problem with this, too bad for him. It's your body, your choice.

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Ok, this is really embarrassing but this is why this site is anonymous, right?

I've always thought my penis looked normal until I saw some porn a few weeks ago and now I'm really paranoid that my dick is deformed or something. My penis is curved to the right and it's REALLY noticable when I'm hard. I thought maybe it's because I use to jack off a lot and maybe the way I held my cock caused it to curve that way? I don't know. I don't want to end up taking my pants down and a girl laugh at me though. Is there any way that I can fix a curved penis? Is it really as embarrassing as I think it is or am I overreacting?

Don't worry about it. Guys are curved all sorts of ways... up, down, left, right...

In fact, it can actually be a plus. When they're curved, it can stimulate different parts of the girl.

If you are with a girl who doesn't know about this, just let her know it's totally normal, just the way you were born.

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I was thinking the other day and if you have sex and you don't have an orgasm then it doesn't matter if your guy cums in you, right? Because the orgasm is what makes your egg come down to get fertilized, right? Something like that, I think. So, if the girl doesn't have an orgasm can she still get pregnant? ;) I was thinking that maybe my boyfriend and I could have sex and stop before I climaxed and then we wouldn't have to worry about me getting pregnant...

THANKS!

The orgasm does not cause the egg to descend. The egg descends at about the same time in your cycle (around the middle, day 14). You release one or two eggs per month.

You can most certainly get pregnant if you don't climax! You should always use protection. If you're worried about getting pregnant, double up: use the pill and a condom, and get a spermicidal lubricant.

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My teacher was telling us about STDs and AIDS and how it can ruin your life. I know tons of people in African have AIDS and are dying of it because a lot of them were born with it or were raped and contracted it. I don't want to get AIDS if I accidently sleep with someone that is infected and they don't know it or don't tell me. I thought maybe there might be a shot for AIDS that I could get at a clinic somewhere? I don't mind having to pay if it protects me for a few years or something. Can anybody tell me how to get it or where to go for it?

Nothing of the sort, unfortunately, or things would be much better all around the world!

The only way to prevent getting AIDS is by making sure that you and your partner get tested before any sexual contact, every time you have a new partner. If they're not worth the time to go to the clinic and get tested, they're not worth having sex with!

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ok i dont know if i am a lesbian cuz i like lookin at other girls and i want to have sex with another girl but how can i tell if that girl is a lesbian and i love looking at girls boobs i want to suck on them so bad but i also like guys. also if you have sex with another girl can you get pregnant thanks email me a redsclub80531001@aol.com thanks so much i need your help please answer

You may be bisexual. Right now, you'd be called "bi-curious" because you know you like men, but you don't know if you like women.

You can't get pregnant from having sex with women, but you can get STDs, so be sure to get tested just the same.

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My friend was telling me that if you have sex whiel you're on your period you cannot get an STD because of the blood flowing it out of you too quickly. She said she had sex with her boyfriend who had herpes and she didn't get it because they had sex while she was on her period. She totally isn't lying, I'm sure. I was curious if this was actually true though because it does kind of sound a little iffy to me and maybe she just had good luck or something. So, is it true that you can't get an STD if you have sex on your period?

No, it absolutely is not true.

You can get an STD so long as there's fluid-to-fluid contact.

She may have been lucky because he was at a time when his sores were down and he was less contagious, but she is in serious danger if she continues having unprotected sex!

Herpes is forever, and it should NOT be taken lightly. Tell your friend that she's wrong and she needs to a) get tested and b) be more careful!

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ok, so i like this boy alot and my friend told him that i liked him and we excahngeed numbers...then my friend liked his other friend so we all went to the movies, well me and this boy kind of kissed and stuff. well the next day i was all happy and stuff, then that week i like called him every day but i was afraid to talk to him so we were quiet on the phone like always. then their came a time where he just cussed me out cuz i wouldn't suck his you know what. the next day i told him sorry. then i told this other boy that went to his school that i was going to fight him, and i told another boy from his school that i lost ma v card by him but it was a lie. but they told him and he got all mad cussin me out sayin well you are a tweak ur on my dick get off o and i didnt mention that he was still in love with his ex but anyways he just said alot of stuff that hurt me and i dont know what to do???

Im ashlee and im 15
and the boys name is corey and he is 16 "I NEED ADVICE!!!!!"

This person isn't a man, or even a boy. He's a dickhead (pardon the language!). Forget this jerk and find someone with basic common courtesy, not to mention someone who treats a lady with more respect!

You should never have apologized for not having oral sex with him. That's your choice, not his. You don't want it, he doesn't get it. End of story.

For the future: any guy that "cusses out" any girl is trash. Plain and simple.

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I've been seeing this guy for two months now and he's pretty terrific. About a week ago we started to talk about having sex. I've never had sex before but he's been with two girls previously. He says he knows what to do so it won't be so clumsy and awkward but I'm kind of stuck on if I should have sex with him or not.

I don't really love this guy is one problem and everybody says I should love someone before I let them do it with me. The other problem is that I sort-of already told him that I'd give him my virginity so I feel stupid if I turn around and say nevermind. See, I really wanted to give him a boner so I started talking it up and he got really excited about it. I did get him to get hard about it but now I know I'm such a tease...but I don't want to be lying to him!

My mom would literally choke me to death if I got pregnant though. My boyfriend said he has some condoms but I've heard that those break sometimes and that worries me.

I know it's just sex and if I just go on and get it over with then it won't be a big deal. I want to be ready for this though so if we end up doing it this weekend I will be prepared. How do I know if I'm really ready to have sex? What should I get some information on before I let him put it in me? He really wants this and I think I do too..?

First things first: Just because he has had sex with other women does NOT mean that it won't be awkward and clumsy! It's always awkward the first few times, no matter how many other people you've had sex with. Just think of driving... if you switch cars, things will be weird with the new one for a while, right?

If you do choose to have sex with him, here's my rundown of things every woman should do before having sex:

1) STDs

Both of you need to go get tested if either of you has had oral, anal or vaginal sex with anyone else. Do this BEFORE having sex.

2) Protection

What kinds of protection are you going to use? (I always suggest two or more: the pill/shot and condoms, preferably with a spermicidal or HPV killing lubricant). Are both of you on board with this?

3) The "what if" game

You've probably got all sorts of questions bouncing around in your head. What if I get pregnant? What if we get caught? What if... Put those doubts to use, and ask him anything that you're not sure on. If you have severely differing viewpoints, you may want to hold off for a while.

So. As for the rest... if you're not sure about having sex with him, hold off for a while. Hey, you said you'd give him your virginity, but that doesn't mean right now, does it? Wait as long as it takes for you to feel comfortable. Tell him that's what you're doing, and that until you tell him yes, he's getting nowhere. If you're not comfortable in the end or if he's immature about it, then don't have sex with him.

As for not loving him, I'd say that is essential. It's messy, it's awkward, it's a little painful. You need to be with someone you love and trust completely in order to fully enjoy sex. That's yet another reason why waiting is good.

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How do I tell my boyfriend that I don't want to have sex right now? He told me last night that he really wants to bang me and is really looking forward to it. I tried to talk to him about it but he doesn't know I'm a virgin and so he doesn't think it's a big deal.

I'm not ready to have sex but I don't know how to tell my boyfriend that. I feel like I'm way too young to be risking myself like that and I don't think our relationship is strong enough to start having sex.

I don't want him to break up with me but I think that is where it might lead if I don't give it to him. He was so excited about it when he was talking to me and I couldn't just say, "I don't want to, really..." because I know that would let him down. What should I say to him so that he is more understanding of the situation and stops pressuring me to have sex with him? THNX

Tell him no, and that that's final until you bring it up again. Tell him you're too young, that you want to wait and make sure it's with the right person.

If he breaks up with you over that, trust me, you DO want him to break up with you!

You want your first time to be with someone you love who loves you back, with mutual respect. This sort of behaviour is not respectful to you.

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Everyone says that we should plan ahead before my boyfriend and I have sex. I've heard things like we should talk about STDs and protection against pregnancy befoer we even start to do anything sexual. I want things to be romantic and to go smoothly when we have sex for the first time. I haven't really brought this up with my boyfriend though. I was wanting to give him my virginity on his birthday next month but I want him to know about it so he can look forward to it. How do I talk to my boyfriend about becoming intimate? What exactly should we talk about anyway? I don't want to just throw it at him and surprise him with such a serious discussion so...how do I go about this sex-talk?

Set up a time to talk. That way you're not just throwing it at him. Explain that you think that you are ready to take your relationship to the next physical level, but that there are things you need to know first, before you make the decision. Make sure that you're somewhere quiet (i.e. not public!). No surprises.

A basic rundown of topics:

1) STDs

Both of you need to go get tested if either of you has had oral, anal or vaginal sex with anyone else. Do this BEFORE having sex.

2) Protection

What kinds of protection are you going to use? (I always suggest two or more: the pill/shot and condoms, preferably with a spermicidal or HPV killing lubricant). Are both of you on board with this?

3) The "what if" game

You've probably got all sorts of questions bouncing around in your head. What if I get pregnant? What if we get caught? What if... Put those doubts to use, and ask him anything that you're not sure on. If you have severely differing viewpoints, you may want to hold off for a while.

With all this taken care of before you have sex, it leaves you to enjoy the main event with much less worry. You have no idea how happy it makes me to see another young lady taking charge of things! :D

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My boyfriend and I have sex without condoms. We've only used a condom once, actually, but we've only been having sex for a couple of weeks. He always pulls it out of me before he cums so he doesn't get me pregnant so we don't need condoms or anything like that.

My best friend said he probably still leaks in me a little and it's called precum. I talked to my boyfriend about it and he was like, "NO! I ALWAYS pull out of you, you know that!" I totally trust my boyfriend and I know he doesn't cum inside of me, obviously.

I'm still kind of worried though because I also don't think my best friend would lie to me about getting pregnant. I totally can NOT get pregnant by my boyfriend because my mom would kill me.

Can this "precum" really get me pregnant? Should I be worried that I might be pregnant? My period was due two days ago but I know sex delays your period so I wasn't worried about it...should I be concerned now?

Pre-cum can absolutely get you pregnant.

Your boyfriend wouldn't be able to feel it. It's a slow leakage that happens while he's aroused. Theoretically, it's made up of the stuff that's in semen minus the sperm. However, because of that, sperm can definitely live in it. Even a couple strays that happen to get out can get you pregnant.

The pill is cheap, and you can get it without parental permission through Planned Parenthood, as well as free condoms. You don't want to have to go through an unplanned pregnancy at this age.

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I've had a crush on my English teacher since the beginning of the school year. She's really attractive and smart. I've been flirting with her pretty much since I saw her and she finally started flirting back with me.

I was staying after class so she could tutor me some. I'll admit I was purposely failing things so that she'd request I stay after class for extra help. One thing led to another and the last few tutoring sessions kind of became make-out sessions. I pushed her to do it with my flirting though.

Last friday we actually had full-on sex. We didn't use a condom either so I'm slightly concerned about a possible pregnancy issue but I don't know how the hell to bring that up to her! It was the best sex of my life but I know it was wrong because she's my teacher. I want to be more than just her student or her sex buddy though and I'm not sure if I should pursue this into a relationship, remain sex partners, or let it die and try to forget about her (doubt that will happen).

For legal reasons I won't say my age or hers but there is quite a span between us. She, obviously, knows my age and I know hers. I keep getting erections in her class now and can't stop thinking about her. I am wondering if I should even try to quit school so that I can be with her but that just sounds absurd to me for some reason. I feel so confused about this whole situation now.

What do I do?

If you care about your teacher at all, you will stop immediately.

As I'm sure you're well aware, what she did was illegal and highly immoral. Teachers are put in a position that requires a great deal of trust. Parents expect that their child will be safe from sexual predators when they send them to school. Your teacher having sex with you, as a minor (I'm assuming) makes her a sexual predator.

I'm going to guess that you don't want to report herd. It's probably what SHOULD be done, since she's proven herself to be a danger, but you have the right to choose here.

I happen to know a woman who was recently arrested for having a relationship with one of her past students (he was 15, she is a married woman in her 30s). Even if you were to quit school, she could still be prosecuted if she were found out, and at the very least lose any chance of ever teaching again. So that's not an option.

As for the pregnancy issue, I'm sure she was covered. She's an adult, and knows the risks. If she were to get pregnant and claim you as the father, she'd have to face being arrested.

Please, please, stay away from this woman. It's not worth ruining your life and hers over sex. Find someone your own age.

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i've been living with the mental condition brain fog for 6 years already. [i just recently found out i had this condition; i diagnosed myself ] for those that doesn't know what brain fog is; "it's a condition where people are in a state of confusion and a decreased level of clarity. Brain fog can cause an individual to be abnormally forgetful and detached. It can also lead to a feeling of discouragement and depression."

i've been extremely depressed, tried to commit suicide several times, been called "delusional," became anti-social, and lost numerous interests that i used to love doing.
i coudl feel, touch, smell, see, and hear my surroundings...yet i feel as though i'm not mentally there. everything seems so fake.

i tried everything the doctor told me to do; more excersise, more vitamins, a change in diet and such...yet i still feel dead. i want to feel alive again...i do not know what to do.
i do not want to suffer from brain fog for the rest of my life. those six years having brain fog has already taken so much out of me...

help.

Unfortunately, you really can't diagnose yourself as having a mental condition. Dr. Google often misleads people into thinking they have strange, exotic disorders, when they may have something else. What you're going through sounds a lot like what I go through in my depressive phases.

If you are concerned about your mental health, you should go to see a mental health professional, not a family doctor. A counsellor can assess your condition and refer you to a psychiatrist or psychologist if needed. Counselling doesn't cost all that much, and may be available for free in your community. Be open to what they have to say. Medication may be necessary, or it may not be the best course of action for you.

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How do you get your rating up? It seems like no one rates people anymore!

Really, there's no way to force more ratings. People will rate if they appreciate the time and effort that you've put into their answer.

My suggestion is to ignore the number. The best advice is given when you're thinking about what the person NEEDS to hear, as opposed to what they WANT to hear. That's why my rating is never a 5!

Keep on truckin'! Remember, for every person who doesn't rate, there's a person who wishes they could rate a million times :D

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Why does watching porn on a website screw up my internet? I figured if I wasn't downloading anything onto my computer, it shouldn't be a problem. Any insight?

Unfortunately, you are actually downloading something when you load videos. Websites can load cookies or have hidden scripts to allow downloads.

It also might get slower because most of those sites have a lot of video ads which take up a tonne of bandwidth.

My suggestion? Get a good free virus scanner and set your security to high.

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