about

I am 48 years old (yes that's old compared to some of you).


I have worked in nursing and/or healthcare management positions for 24 years. Primarily OB, Neonatal, Mental Health, Occupational Health and Geriatrics. In Jan 2008 I started my own business to board horses and do equine/human education. I am also a certified dog trainer.


I've been around the block so to speak and seem to be always helping others. I've been told that the reason people seek me out for advice is that I am approachable and caring. But on the same token even though I consider the person's feelings. I tell it like I see it. I've dealt with people in trouble with the law, dysfunctional families such as those with abuse & marriage problems. Not to mention problems with employees and employers.


I don't ever claim to know it all, and always keep an open mind.


advice

i am from india.my only child is 2.5 years old.she is quite sensitive and emotional.the boy next door is 3.5 years old and tries to dominate her by snatching her things, shouting and crying if she doesnt give them(otherwise she always does),and whenever he has a chance he tries to hurt her by pulling her hair,kicking her or pushing and pulling her.they seldom play in harmony.the problem is that my daughter does not like to play with anybody else but him and i am left with no other alternative but let her play.but his behaviour angers me.what should i do with him?

Hello,
What you are dealing with is the behavior of two toddlers. They really don't know how to interact and play together by sharing toys at this stage.

It's completely normal what each of these children are going through. They can't see each other as people with emotions and rather think of others as inanimate objects.

The best thing to do is try to teach the boy feelings. Explain to the boy in simple terms that your daughter has an ouchie, and feels pain when he hits or pulls hair and that it's not a nice thing to do. Distract each of them for a few moments to keep them apart, and then tell the boy he can play when he is Nice, but show him what nice is. Show him examples. See we touch like this, or we share like this...Repeat the word "Nice" when you demonstrate and give him encouragement when he is being "Nice".

Try to arrange activities where they play side by side with similar toys, but not where they have to compete for anything. Really, any play with a lot of exchange or interaction is a little too much for them at this age.

Give each an object of equal value or importance when they play. Show the boy that if he wants the toy your daughter has he must offer to trade with her, and show her the same thing.

It is probably best to only allow your daughter to play with him at a time when you can give direct supervision. As they mature they will eventually get along and you will know when you can leave the room for a few minutes at a time and give them a little freedom to interact. However, now is not the time to do that.

Don't be angry. Children only know what they have been taught. When you are upset, the children will sense your tension and act out even more. Relax, and know that with persistance and good role model adults, the boy will grow out of this stage.

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I have a deep fear of germs and getting sick. Even the thought of catching a regular cold drives me crazy. I was my hands for 10 minutes, and at school, I wear a bandanna that covers my nose and mouth to help keep the germs away. I mean, hey it's not my fault that kids at my school go swimming in 10 degree weather over the weekend, and then catch a cold. Basically Everyone is sick at my school ALL the time.

Some of my teachers get mad at me when I wear my bandanna, but if they make me sit next to, talk to, and help out sick people, why shouldn't I be able to wear it? I'm not going to get sick because of one stupid person. Last week, I skipped alot of my classes just because I sat next to sick people in them and I don't want to get sick. Mainly because I just started working out, and if I'm sick, I won't be able to work out. (yes, working out is REALLY important to me.)

Now my question, I guess my question is, is there anything else I can do from getting sick? Any healthy tips that you can inform me on? (Besides obvious stuff like washing your hands.) Do you think the bandanna is a good idea? I've actually considered wearing a surgical mask but then people would think I'm even weirder.

Also, how possible is it that I'm going to get sick if I sit next to someone sick, for about 45 minutes every day? (Keep in mind that I'm wearing my bandanna over my nose and mouth.) ANY advice you have would be helpful.

Hello,

The bandana might not keep you from getting sick. Germs are tiny and can pass through the fibers, plus it's warm and moist from breathing on the fabric, which is a perfect place for germs. A surgical mask would be better, but not practical in school.

The best defense against catching most any illness is hand hygiene and a strong immune system. There's no need to wash your hands for 10 minutes. Sing the abc's to yourself twice, rinse and dry well and turn the faucet off with a paper towel. (otherwise you will touch a contaminated handle with clean hands). If you over wash your hands they become dry which is another avenue for germs, so use hand lotion frequently. Carry a small bottle of hand sanitizer in your pocket and use it when you can't use soap and water. Don't share pens with someone who is ill and don't touch your eyes, nose or mouth while in school. If someone is coughing or sneezing, hand them a Kleenex with anitviral protection--they are new and work really good. As you hand it to them say "please cover your mouth and nose when you cough" They might be offended..but oh well! If you don't feel comfortable asking them to cover their mouth at least turn your head away from them and even cover your nose and mouth with your arm. This will protect you more than the bandana.

Drink the recommended amount of water and juice daily, which will keep your respiratory system moist and protect against infection. Eat a lot of fruits and veggies and get 8-10 hours of sleep each night. A stronger immune system will make you less likely to get ill, and if you do, you will recover much faster. Keep up on all vaccines and get a flu shot if you are able.

It's a myth that people get sick from being in the cold or getting chilled. It's bacteria or virus germs that make us ill--not the cold. Germs actually love a warm environment, this is why we get sick more often in the winter because we are inside more and the windows are closed.

If you think that your school is a breeding ground for germs, speak to the school nurse, public health or the state health department. They can do some infection control education and perhaps review housekeeping protocols. I know that since our new school was built it seems as if illnesses are passed around more frequently. I think the building is too tight and the ventilation is poor. The old building was drafty which was probably a good thing!

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Hey-
this is embarassing to do, but I have a question. My breasts [around the nipples] have been sore lately-is this a problem? Should I be worried? I'm still a teenager and going through puberty, but this has never happened before.
My mom died when I was twelve, so please don't go saying that this is a personal matter I should discuss with her. My dad doesn't get it.

Although this could be due to PMS, most likely the entire breast would be affected, especially on the sides. Irritation of the nipple area could be caused by several reasons but more than likely it is due to friction and/or laundry soap from your bra. Use free and clear laundry soap or rinse your bras well, apply a lanolin based cream to the nipple area and only use cotton bras and sleep in cotton t-shirts at night. Wash the area and dry well before applying the cream. If it does not clear up or appears red/warm, or a rash is present please see your Dr for treatment.

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My 4 pet birds 2 cockatiels and two budgies on opposite side of the rooms all died within half an hour of each other they were breathing hard and fell of their perches any ideas why this happened help!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope you have investigated this by now. The most likely cause would be carbon monoxide or some type of chemical that has been used in the house.

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My dog Bear is a mix bread of a German-Shepered and Black Lab, and ever sence Christmas she's been slipping, sliding, falling on our hard wood floor and she can't get up by herself.She's 12 years old which is old for a dog but she's mine!She has to protect us!She can't leave.....I've seen this happen before to a friends dog and she ended up putting him down but I don't want to put Bear through pain.She's always been here...I was like 2 when we got her and she's apart of the family.I'm crying just asking this but if she doesn't get better I-- I always wanted her to be here to slink around rooms and check on us, Im afraid im ganna come home and she'll be gone(past away).How do I help her?Both of her back legs give out and slide right out from under her....

It's kinda not a question but
Ill miss her

I agree with the other posts. Take the dog to the vet. Sometimes it's the hips and often it is the back that is the problem. There may be some help for the dog if she is still walking normally on other surfaces. It will also help to give her a soft bed to sleep on, maybe with a dog warming pad and put carpet runners on the hardwood floor so she doesn't slip. In addition make sure the vet trims the dogs toenails which when long, tends to make them slip more.

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my dog, [westie] is acting weird.. like she has this stuff animal, that she like loves [she doesnt do anything like gross with it, she just like watches it, & sits with it.] & she'll stay there all day. & then she ALWAYS sleeps with me at night.. & she hasnt for 2 days. I don't get whats up with her.. what do i do? has your dog ever done this?

Is your dog spayed? We had a dog that had pseudopregnancies (false pregnancy) and did this with a teddy bear. She also ended up having a uterine infection and I regretted not getting her spayed sooner. I was planning to have her bred, but to safe her life she had the surgery instead.

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My dog has been super depressed lately, she just lays under the bed. & she hardly comes out all day, & when she does.. I try to play with her, & she growls at me. Shes never done this to me before. So, I'm thinking about getting one of those dog pyschics..

so, i'm just wondering, do you think they work? I mean I don't believe it that much, but I'm to the point where I'll accept help from anyone.

Has your dog ever done this?

If so, how long does it last?

No a pet psychic cannot really communicate with the dog the way the portray it on TV. You can read your dogs signals however---by knowing your dog and knowing the general canine body language A dog who is in pain will hide. This is natural instict because in the wild they are very vulnerable when they are sick or injured, often other pack members will attack them, and certainly any preditors will. The sick dog is also protecting the pack this way too, it's like saying "move on, don't let me hold you back" Survival of the fittest.

A lot of dogs will not even show symptoms of pain because they have to remain stoic for survival. So by the time the dog does show outward symptoms they are not feeling well at all.

Spend the money on the vet ASAP and forget about the psychic.

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14/f

I have had my period for about a year now, and I just wanted to know when my chest will get bigger. Right now I am a 34 B. Will I stay that size forever? Or what? When do they stop growing/will they grow more? When do you estimate I will grow again? I was just wondering because I don't know who else to ask without it being awkward and you are a nurse so I am sure you would know :]

If you stay an average weight for your size you may grow to a C-cup by the age of 20, but of course this is just a guess. Breast size is often dependent upon weight, build and genes. It will often fluxuate with pregnancy and breastfeeding. Meaning it can go up and down but usually no more than a cup size, the size around (the 34) may change too. For now though I'd say you are fine and your size is neither too small or too large for your age, so relax and don't worry about it.

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I wonder, if they think the baby will be too big after the sonogram, what is the possibility of having to be induced?

I forgot to tell you that this is my first pregnancy.

Since babies gain weight fairly rapidly in the last 4 weeks this could be a possibility. The Dr might induce you no more than 10 days early. However I believe the best plan of action would be to determine the exact due date and schedule a c-section before that time...if in fact the doctor determines delivery would be difficult.

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I am 51, my mom is 80. How do I handle her when we go shopping and she starts to lecture me that I am spending too much money and I really dont need to buy any more clothes unless I see something special. You see I get angry and say how dare she make comments and tell me what to do and how to do it and what to buy. HELP

I didn't read the other answers, but I know all about people that are the age of your Mother. They lived through the depression years and want to be very spend thrifty--they can "never" afford something, even if they can. So on one side they may know they have the money to spend and on the other side feel guilty if it is something they don't really need. Ever heard the saying "waste not and want not" just impress to your Mom that your purchase is good quality and will save you money in the long run, she might accept that and drop it, but if she doesn't buy it anyway, and don't say anything else. As my own later 70s mother tried to do to me today--don't let your Mom put a guilt trip on you. Times have changed and we do appreciate what they lived through, but thank goodness we don't have to live like they did!

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I am 33 weeks along in pregnancy. My OB wants me to have a sonogram at 36 weeks to check the size of the baby. She said I shouldn't have a problem giving birth to a big baby, but she wants to check the size to be sure.

Is this a routine sonogram, or should I expect to have a big baby?

And if the baby is thought to be too big, what will happen?

If it helps, when I was born, I was 9lbs, 2oz and my husband was 10lbs, 11oz.

Thanks in advance- ygsgirl

Hi,

These days sonograms are fairly routine, and if there is any question about due date they will do one. They can come very close to the baby's gestational age that way.

If they suspect the baby is bigger than average; In the old days they used an instrument to measure the width of the pelvis when the woman was thought to be carrying a larger baby. The trouble is while they could measure the pelvis, they couldn't measure the baby very well, so the sonogram is very helpful in this case.

Usually during pregnancy the woman's pelvic bones will soften enough to accomdate their baby during delivery. So even if the baby weighed 10 lbs, this doesn't mean you wouldn't be able to deliver vaginally. However with all the potential complications and "lawsuits" physicians are a bit over careful--and in a way over careful is good.

They don't just allow the woman to push and push and push when the baby will not fit through the pelvic opening, it's stress on the baby and mom both. If this happens a c-section would most likely be in order, and with some idea if this may be needed in advance, everyone can be more prepared.

Otherwise, there's the possiblity of the Doc being able to use forceps or the suction during delivery which is very common.

Sounds like your OB/Gyn is right on top of things and the sonogram should give you a good idea of the baby's size. Just take it one day at a time and cross that bridge when you come to it, otherwise you will worry when you don't really need to.



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Hi Nallie,
I was hoping you could use your experience and compassion to answer my question. Well about 7 months ago I broke up with my bf. It was a long distance relationship that was on the rocks. My bf was being a jerk as usual and sort of forced me to end things with him. Normally in the past when we've fought I've always been the one to mend fences even though he was clearly being the one that was the jerk. He's a very passive, stubborn and immature man at age 45 and I'm 28 and have more maturity then he'll ever have. He also has difficulty expressing emotion whereas I'm very emotional. Anyways; in the last couple I"ve months I've been working on my self esteem and I'm even going back to university to work in rehabilitation; something I never would have done if I were still with him. Well I have not seen or talked to my ex in all this time. Recently my ex's best friend came into the store I work in. He was being very friendly and asked how my job was going; and then I told him with a big smile on my face that I was going back to university. Well then instead of saying how great that was he got this really shocked; worried look on his face. So my question for you is: based on his reaction- do you think my ex put him up to that? And if my ex wants me back do you think that would explain his friends reaction? Maybe he's worried that I've truly moved on with my life and that I would never go back to my ex. ( before I forget- his friend is married so if you think he may be talking to me because he's interested that's not the case)

Hi,
First off I'd like to say it's great that you have ended it with the "jerk". People like that rarely change and would continue to drain you of your self confidence if you let them.
The way I percieve his friend's reaction is...your ex has probably told his friend that you are lost without him. To make up for his own insecurities (and jerks are very insecure) he probably wants to believe that you will never be anything important without him. I bet he even told his friend that you want him back! Perhaps yes, your ex did put his friend up to checking in on you, but the friend had the belief that you would not be doing so well. So now the friend doesn't have the news to share with his friend that he had hoped for and the worried look was all about wondering "now what do I tell him?"

Just by reading your question I get the sense that you are very mature and sensitive. I hope that someday you find someone more like yourself that builds you up with out putting you down.

Best wishes

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14/f
im in cheerleading and i do tumble alot. my wrists hurt sometimes after i tumble and my friend said that like when you stretch them out you dont bend them you just like rub them? idn but im not sure how i can stretch my wrists or my neck and back?

Hi,
Rubbing your wrists might help get the circulation going but it will do little to strengthen the muscles or prevent injury.

I found a site that has pictures of hand and wrist exercises...and if you look under the menu
Courses/Exercises there are some for the wrist and back too. Perhaps if you do these before you practice and on the days that you don't practice it will help.

http://www.stretchnow.com.au/exercises/hands.htm

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ok. i asked the question before about my hands being sweaty. but i eman i looked online of what palmer hyperhydrosis i mean my hands to get sweaty. but only when i think about it. like when im thinking of holding hands with my boyfriend then they become sweaty. and like right now i was reading this question and since i was thiking of my hands being sweaty. they now are. so i have no idea if its just nervousness or if it really is palmer hyperhydrosis. and also is it true that baby powder can help this or?
so i am asking two questions.
1.do i have palmer hyperhydrosis
2. does baby powder help?

When I was a teen holding hands with my boyfriend or anxiety made my hands sweat too. Usually it's just nervousness.
The more you think about it the more it will happen.

Just wash your hands frequently w/hot soapy water and carry around a cloth hankie to dry your hands when ever they start to sweat. You also might try wiping your palms with rubbing alcohol on occasion which will have a drying effect as it evaporates. There are also alcohol based skin cleaners such as purell--that seem to dry my hands out, you might try that. Baby powder might help, short term, but it may also get clumpy if your hands sweat anyway.

I am pretty sure that there is no fatal condition connected to the symptom of sweaty palms. Also I doubt that you would need any type of surgery at this point.

If this doesn't start to get better with home treatments by all means see your doctor who can offer some peace of mind.

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I know this is a stupid question, but HOW exactly are abortions performed..

Does it hurt the woman or do they give the woman amnethsia??

It's not a stupid question: Abortion can be preformed in two different ways. This would depend on several factors, but the most common deciding factor is how far along the pregnancy is.

There is what is known as a medical abortion, anesthesia would not be given, but pain medication would be. The female is given a medication that causes the uterus to expel the products of pregnancy.

In a surgical abortion anesthesia would be used, most likely a general anesthesia that would put the woman to sleep, but a spinal anesthetic could be given also. This would just numb the area below the waistline, but the woman would be awake.
In a surgical abortion either a solution is introduced into the uterus to cause the demise of the fetus and then a vacuum is used to empty the contents, and/or a surgical instrument is used to scrape and clean the pregnancy from the uterine walls.

In any case, yes there is some pain involved. Usually some moderate cramping and bleeding which can last for several days. Most women can return to work or school within three days post procedure, but this would be up to each doctor and how well he/she expects her to recover.

http://www.americanpregnancy.org/unplannedpregnancy/abortionprocedures.html

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my dog, she keeps shaking! im so worrieddd

I hope the problem has been solved with your dog. You are right to be worried though. If your dog is not cold or frightened, shaking or shivering in a dog is a sign of pain or illness. The dog would need to be seen by a vet to determine what is causing the problem.

You didn't say what breed of dog and the age, but that would have been helpful information. For example Chihuahuas and some other small dogs have such a high metabolism they "shake" a lot and it's
usually nothing to worry about.

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f/14
i have darker hair above my lip and i do not want to wax it at all, it would hurt and im not up for that. is there anyting i can do to make it lighter though?

I don't blame you, waxing hurts and plus you have to let the hair grow out before you can remove it again.

I found a website that lists a lot of products that might help. There are creams to lighten the hair and make it less noticable, or there are creams that can remove the hair. Always remember to do the patch test as they say, to make sure you are not allergic or sensitive to the products.

http://www.folica.com/Facial_233_1.html

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This is embarasing but I have pretty hairy arms. All my friends shave theirs and stuff but I heard that makes it grow back darker and stuff. I obviously don't want to get the lazer treatment done or anything crazy like that. Does anyone know any ideas of how to solve my problem?

You can buy a special lightener for this type of hair, that way you wouldn't have to wax or shave and it would make it less noticable.

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I am 65 yrs old and have lived with Linda for some 10 years and about 12 months ago her 35 yr old son move back in(we live in her house)and even though he is a college grad he has not been able, probably because of his background check, to obtain a permanent job, other than waiting tables. He is extremely sloppy even to the point that he will not sleep in his own "room" because it is "too nasty"(which it really is) and he actually has trashed Linda's house with cats and just his life style. She has tried to get him motivated to find a "job" and get out but he hasn't and I don't think he has the ambition to even try. As long as she allows him to stay he has no ambition to leave. My problem is should I continue to live this way or move out and "go on with my life"? I have a chance to buy my own garden home and I think I should do that because it will allow me to have some property for my children to inherit and it will allow me to get away from an apparent no end situation(or at least one that will last for a good while before it changes). My question: am I being smart in moving and getting my life going otherwise or am I just making a big mistake? Any good advice will be very helpful.

Is it possible that the son is abusing drugs? Lack of ambition sometimes reflects this. Or perhaps he has depression or something on that order. Although this does not mean that anyone can force him to get help. I think "Linda" should set some firm guidelines and deadlines and stick with them. You shouldn't have to leave your home of 10 years. You should have a say-so in this matter and be able to give him the boot if he doesn't shape up, but then again you will risk losing Linda too.

However, it's never too late to start over, and having property of your own would be a wonderful thing. I say--go for it and take a chance. It has to be better than putting up with a 35 year old baby!

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15/f. I have a major confidence problem and I'm SICK of it. Believe me, I wouldn't be asking this question if this wasn't getting in the way of things in my life. I feel like I need to be more brave; I'm getting nervous about sooo many things and I worry about EVERYTHING. I also have alot of fears, like I'm afraid of needles, public speaking, the dark, etc. I'm always so self-concious and feel like everyone is looking at me, when, in reality, they probably aren't staring at me half as much as I think they are... I mean I have all of these dreams to have a good job and do something to help people, like maybe a teacher or physcologist, but how can I something like that when I can barely present a project in class without getting extremely nervous?I have no reason to be so self-conscious and I wish I could just take life how it is without worrying so much. I wish I could just stop putting myself down and doubting myself and just feel like I can do anything, because I know if I think positive, good things will probably happen more often. So, does anyone have any tips on being braver and more self-confident? Any websites on how to teach myself to be braver? Lol. Thanks

I was like this at one time in my life and it seems as if pets, not people helped me the most. I had different types of pets that I was responsible for, but the one that made the biggest difference was my horse. Of course it's not possible for everyone to have a horse or a pet of some sort. But that was my saving grace and it helped in everything else I did. My suggestion is to find just one thing that you like to do, such as a hobby or a sport and practice until you are the best you can be. This will lift your self esteem in other areas of life as well. Many many people are afraid of public speaking, so in reality most members of the audience can relate and would not think badly of you if you made a mistake. Practice giving a speech by yourself in front of a mirror, or use a video camera. Do it over and over again until you are comfortable with your performance. If you make a mistake or fumble over your words don't be too concerned, just move on..and keep going.

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