Member Since:September 7, 2005
Last Update:January 20, 2008
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aboutHi, my name is Angela. I'd like to think I'm a friendly person and I've had my share of experiences and knowledge.
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I have a OLD friend but really concerned about her. She is just 12 and she went to her B/Fs today. She won't stay at her dads (parents r split up) and she always stays at her moms. I guess she wants people to think she iss cool I don't know. She acts like a prep and she NEVER calls her dad or anything and you know it hurts his feelings and she hasn't been to her dads in 2 weeks and when she did go she stayed in her room. Her dad and my sister (who is married to him LOL) have been VERY good to her. I mean my dad doesn't even care about me and she doesn't know how luccky she is. What can I do. Thanks (Please no smartA**es)
That's exactly it, she IS just 12, and you've just got to let kids do their own thing. Maybe she feels hurt inside by her father when her parents split up and by ignoring him she wants to feel disconnected from these feelings that are constantly bugging at her. Since she is 12, you can't expect her to see these feelings until she does the damage that she feels is enough and then repents. Sometimes the only thing you can do is just sit back and just watch the action.
This is the kind of love-hate relationship that happens in a parent-child relationship when a divorce takes over a family. The child becomes attached to one parent and feels as if the other parent should be blamed. No matter how well your sister and her father treats her, she will continue to treat her father with contempt until she deals her damage. You cannot stop her angst and trying to contain it will make it worse. What I'm saying to you is just don't waste your energy and stress about it. Even though it is your sister, this is between her and her family. I'm sure it hurts you to see her father heartbroken by her actions but she will learn to accept the divorce and he'll have to learn to accept her hostile feelings toward him.
Let me use an example to explain her feelings: As a child, you used to act out a scene when you yell at your teddy bear as a way to let out something thats been bothering you, but you knew that it would still love you so it makes you feel better. This is a similar to what she is experiencing.
What you can do is let her know that her father loves her and he wants to spend more time with her. Yes, she is lucky to have a father who still wants to be a part of her life, but you can't bring that realization to her. She has to realize that herself.
(Rating: 5) Thanks. Her Parents were never married but they broke up when she was a little baby. She is also in high school now. :)