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Q: I have a boyfriend. When I first met him, we started talking as friends, and those feelings turned into a relationship. He asked me out the first time we hung out aside from where we met. It was Valentines Day. He would have been considered to be my first boyfriend. I was scared to get into the relationshp because I was terrified at what was going to happen. My parents wouldn't have approved of me dating now but I figured I was old enough and if everyone can hide it, why can't I? It was pretty difficult for me to adjust to the feeling of depending on my relationship with a person to have a certain mood. It was hard to see each other when we started dating because my parents were so strict so we saw each other maybe once a month or every two months. Suddenly, he started feeling as if we were distancing and I, somehow, felt better about our relatioship. Talk about miscomminucation. I found out that he broke up with me, over the internet, saying that he's ever so busy and he feels like we're falling apart. I find out from someone else that he went out with this other girl and they made out a few times and whatnot. In the end, it turned out she was very slutish and he said he was done with her. Too bad the girl is his best friend's cousin. Anyhoo, we started talking again after a few months and I still had feelings for him, he knew, but was apparently too scared to talk to me. He finally did one day, on the night of my highschool graduation. I actually made a wish into a fountain for it. I was highly surprised. We started talking since and we ended up going to the same college. He told me he doesn't care about her and I have nothing to worry about. It still bothers me because I feel like I'm beneath him in some way. The girl thinks shes still friends with him, I guess they are, because he's a nice person like that but she can be a total b*tch. I don;t know, I always wonder what if she was good with him. Then what? I know I should be happy that he is here with me but I keep wondering, am I meant to be with him? I can't tell if I feel reluctant to give my everything to him after what he did. The last thing I want to do is get back at him by doing what he did to me to make it even but somehow, I feel that if I did get the opportunity, I will and I might lose him. I'm so confused.
I know emotions and feelings, and distrust and humility, and dependence are flying over the place within your relationship. I just hoping that these feeling of yours aren't one-sided.

He should feel a lil uneasy about "losing you too". Considering that you are a catch yourself. So if he's making you feel uneasy about being on the same page of "maintaining a good relationship with you", then acknowledging your insecurites about it, is now ONE of his tasks of keeping your thing afloat. His assurance about ANOTHER girl being out of the picture? Loaded with trying not to have you "nag" him about his previous indescretions. (I don't think thats spelled correctly)

"Assurance" does nothing but make "Doubt" deeper and darker.

If a time comes when you have to ask yourself "SHOULD YOU STAY?", maybe the it's because you running out proper alternatives. Feel alive and think clearly. You'll get it right.

Q: so, I originally just got him some $5 boxers. he then told me today that he was getting me a necklace, around $100. as guessed... I feel very cheap. -_- I was thinking about getting him something custom, like a picture of us, but I've already done that. anything else custom I can't think of him actually using. (like mugs or anything like that.) he's getting me a gift from his heart, and I want to do the same. any suggestions?
Just to add...

If the previous ideas aren't you or feel impersonal in anyways. The day you supposed to trade gifts, maybe you can have him meet you at the mall or his favorite place/store to pick it out WITH YOU for HIMSELF. Share the experience of good transfer. I'm sure the interaction between you two will make the store people pleasantly happy to help. This definitely depends on the type friendship and interaction ya'll vibe on. So it's an option.

P.S. No pocketburners either. (Co-sign With previous post)

Q: Ok so this really stinks I am getting bugged at school by this girl Kayla and her friend Megan. I used to be friends with both of them but not anymore because they were being mean to my best friend Laura. Anyway its not really bad but they bug me enough to get annoyed. I really dont get why the want to harrass me because it makes no sense I did not even do anything to them except for stand up for Laura when they were saying mean things to her. This crap is so overated and it feels like I'm in third grade or something. I can't take it!!! ....also there is this boy who I like alot I've known him since elementary school and I know that he likes me too. The only problem is that he is dating Megan the one who is harrassing me. Also I already have a boy who keeps bugging me to go out with him and if I went out with the other guy who I like and is going out with megan then the boy who is bugging me would be really mad at me. I still want to be friends with him and I dont want to hurt his feelings but I dont know what to do, I wish this was all so much easier. I asked my Mom about this but what she told me I already knew. Thank you for your time and advice.
A. As For The Frenemies Girls

If you mentally review the process (briefly)of actually being friends with these girls to becoming adversaries in their eyes, there might be the underlying theme that this b/f of Ms. Previous has always noticed you noticing this guy you liked for awhile and if your competition to her/them in anyway..... you standing up for your friend was just the spark necessary in order for her to confront you about something that isn't even within your control. So picking on your friend was the way in to outwardly and publicy beef with you. Your really don't need to subject yourelf to their target practice. If its true that he feeling you, she knows too. You make her... uncomfortable. Sense it not required to catch an attitude with someone for anything. But it is required to make a small thing long lasting.
Besides, if they are still together, he's not capable of stepping off from her, so LET THAT GO. If and when he approaches you (as a single guy).... reconsider then for yourself.

As for the guy, who you not interested in.

Are you not only interested in him because you like this girl boyfriend? If so, maybe you should take another inspection of him without the blind passion of your elementary lovejones. If he's still not your cup of tea? Then advocate that to him in the least hostile way as possible. As an alternative maybe you can introduce him to someone who IS interested ands willing. Smooth transitions make BETTER solutions... for everyone except the guity and the unjust.

And who wants those? Rhetorical Question

Q: So , we use to talk a lot , and now he some how got a job didn't tell me , and he doesn't text me at all anymore... I wait to talk to him all day , and he doesn't call me until I tell him too , or he says he will and never does , and he at the same time asks can I see you this week? And before he'd always be like asking more like want to hang out , why not , and now if i say no its like... its okay , like what's going on? Honestly he doesn't text me at all anymore...

please help
As stated in the previous text... You never mentioned if two are or ever were dating officially. There are differences between making maintenance/upkeep/update checks throughout relationships, but then there is "obsessiveness" that renders people beyond rehabilitation. Again as previously stated, don't cripple yourself for someone whose "literally" taking time out of your day by "NOT" being with you or investing the time to contact you about their whereabouts and withwho's? You've also never mentioned a timeframe as to how long you've been dealing with dude either? Truly, you ALREADY know where you stand and what time it is for these "simple mishaps".....

To clear your conscience and settle your sanity... attempt to gather the infomation necessary to leave a bad situation before it gets worse...

Also.. With the benefit of the doubt section included:

There are must-know questions/answers you should obtain to distinguish if you have a good, but clearly, understandably busy guy or.... the other kind. This is the difference between keeping them... and leaving them!


Q: Lets say I sing for half an hour a day. WIll I get better? I mean I suck at singing but rock at guitar and I write powerful songs, but my voice makes it sound bad. If I sing 30 minutes a day will I get better?
Like the previous post, we are unable to decide between what's fact and what's opinion. However, theoretically.. if you have an ear for notes, sounds, pitches, and etc, you should be able to replicate how your music should sound. Besides, you could always hold auditions for a singer to perform for/with you.

Q: Well I'm 17 and I'm a junior in h.s. there's this guy that I like and I think he. Likes me because he is always starring at me and sometimes tryies to bump into me when he can go a diffrent way and he some times tries to play pranks on me are these signs that he likes me or is he just weird?.....thanks to all who answer
Tossing the obvious that you too notice each other daily (which is a good sign of, minimally?? attraction), he feels a way about you. If you are one of the noticeable/can't miss type of girls in school, he may just need to know that if you decided to date/hook-up wit someone that he at least he crosses you mind. Which isn't a bad thing cuz fellas need to be thought of in care too. But this not talking to you, playing pranks thing... It's possible that he's just doing it for some sort of personal recognition. Cool girls cool guys kinda vibes... So it's up in the air as to whether he likes you as a "girl-friend in school" or a potential "girlfriend in school". Continue to feel each other out, his true motives will comes out.. eventually.

Q: So , we have been seeing/dating eachother for a month so far, almost I always go to him and see hima nd spend time on buses just to get to him , and the only time he wanted to meet was in public was the first time , and everytime I went over he wanted to do physical stuff and that's it and he said later he didn't want it to look that's all he wanted, so I trusted him , a bit later after a while he says hes going to work , didn't even tell me where and he said first he's training with the guys at the base and then later doing paperwork as a job for extra money after he said he wouldn't join it ,after I asked he said oh it's just a job for more money , so then I ask him want to go to the store with me? and nothing , he said he has a thumb injury... and so later on he use to text me so much and now almost nothing , he doesn't even answer my questions , I went on his facebook and I seen he was in a relationship with some girl but he said that was from a while back... is this guy playing me? like what is going on , he never tells me things until I find out about it myself... is he just busy? or is he using me? he never responds that much we use to text like over 50 text and now its below like 20.... so and he has like 18 friends on facebook and added some new girl so maybe that's why? should I even bother getting him a gift for christmas because I really don't want to get hurt..

please help thank you!
bETTY
Well, I'm outta touch with the current levels of pursuing being in a "relationship", but as a little known fact men have emotional needs as well. He seems like he may be one of them. He's the honeymooner/sweetheart phase guy.

This is the guy that loves the attraction and interaction with meeting new women (cuz theres just too many of course) and he'll keep up this cycle to keep the high he gets from the intros, to the meet & greets to the personal talks and VISITS (of course).. When that dies, loses interest, or find a new intromate. It happens that his current interest, becomes the on pause/backburner chick. He knows it too soon for women to consider it a serious relationship and short enough to make them consider pressing him but not without them feeling like they've become obsessive. My suggestion? Open the gates of time (a pre-selected period of time) to see if the straying actions are habitual or (depending on your own "aggressive attentiveness"...) get the confirmation you need to make a clear-cut decision.

As for the christmas gift.... I would say NO. However, if something strikes as perfect for the situation.... Pick it up. Giving it to him, is a personal deliberation.

Q: I love my boyfriend very much, we've been dating for a little over a year now. Recently, I've been going to some legal programs as punishment for a small wreck a few months ago. While there, I've met a guy that is really nice. When we first started going, he was really cool and I could tell he was flirting with me but I didn't flirt back because I have a boyfriend and I'd never dream of cheating on him. Anyways, tonight was our last court date and he lives about an hour away so there isn't really a reason for us to see each other anymore. The thing is, I like him a lot as a friend and I'd like to be better friends with him but I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression, especially my boyfriend. After we left the court house, this other guy asked me out to dinner and I politely declined (he didn't know I had a boyfriend at the time). Later, I added him on facebook and he apologized for asking me out because he didn't know I had a boyfriend at the time and I decided not to tell my boyfriend about this guy asking me out because I didn't want to cause unnecessary jealousy...so I guess what I'm asking is, would it be wrong of me to pursue a friendship with this guy? I feel like it would be selfish of me to do so because it might hurt my boyfriend and lead this other guy on...but could I still text this guy some times?? I just don't know where to draw the line! Thanks for any help!
You're popping my advicenators cherry... so a moment of silence please.... thanx.
Now let's start at the beginning. You've been in a year long relationship, so I'm postive that as a female, you've had to deal with many other flirtations and temptations along the course of your relationship. ONLY because you're finding yourself in a confused state about friending a male outside of the mutual friends you've have with your boyfriend, I would think you should consider if you are truly satisfied with your current relationship first. Once you answer that question, question if your afraid of of maintaining this next guy as a friend because you don't trust "his future intentions" or YOURS?

It seems that even though you would never dream of being in a cheating scenario, you may have all the pieces in place to transition into one. It seems that you know 1.) the reference of time to this guy place from your own residence, 2.) you pursued the friend request, 3.)you didn't have ONE conversation previously which announced that you are in a relationship and 4.) you are already attracted to this class guy....

As people, we have levels of need that need attention that our everyday spouses/mates may not cover (not because of neglect, but maintenance of a relationship sometimes aren't easily to announced and properly address). And being reminded of what it feel like to be a woman or what got you into your current relationship is realistic and NECESSARY......

And not trying to pick arguements but if you have a handsome boyfriend or a vaguely intriging mate, you may be overlooking that you are not the only individual in your relationship....

Considering the details of your life, none of us can answer UNBIASLY. (hoped that's how it's spelled..)

You know what you can endure..

Best



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December 7, 2010

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March 19, 2011

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