Hello,how are you? I hope you're fine but if you're not then just ask and I'll see what I can do.
I'm a 17 yr-old girl.I live in Wales,Britain so I'd be good for an outsider's view.I'm studying for my A-levels in History,English Lit,Media Studies and Welsh.I play the cello and I'm in a whole bunch of orchestras,and a choir or two. I'm an OXFAM volunteer and I'm looking for paid work to fund university this Autumn.

The picture on this column is obviously not a picture of me, it is my avatar from Spacefem.com.

I'm bisexual and I have a boyfriend, so questions about coming out or dating are fine by me. I live with both parents and my younger brother and sister so i know quite a lot about family dynamics.

I'm very open-minded and I'll try to answer as best I can. Basically you can ask me qestions on pretty much anything.

I hope you're all doing OK.


Has everyone who posts here forgotten the basic rules of grammer?

Do they not know how to turn off CAPS LOCK?

Do they not know how to capitalise the letter I?

I refuse to answer any question that is unreadable because the author cannot be bothered to write properly.

I can cope with the occasional typo-I make them myself-but I don't want to put effort into advising people who don't make the effort to post properly.


Hello there,

I will get straight into the subject!There are 6 boys in school that tease me all the time .They call me sissy ,cocksucker etc.I am a boy 14 years old and I am gay!But I don't want them to tease me.On the other hand I won't say anything to them ,just ignore them,because I am afraid they might hit me.Please suggest as many solutions as you can think of!

Thank you!

What they are doing is totally out of order. Talk to your form tutor or any teacher you trust and tell them about it. Do your friends know what is going on? The best thing to do is to tell as many sympathetic people you can think of what is going on.

As long as they're just name calling its not that damaging but from experience I know that it can be very upsetting.

Have you 'come out' properly or are they just guessing? If you have only just told people then they might be reacting like this out of shock.

Of my friends that are gay I don't know any that dont get some hassle for it- usually from people they don't know or don't really care about. they just laugh it off unless it is particularly offensive. As you get older they should become more mature and people will be more accepting.

The boys might feel threatened by your sexuality- try to see how they might be feeling.

Are there any other gay guys in your school?: why not talk to them and see how they coped?

I'm sorry not to have been more helpful; write again and let me know how its going and I'll give as many suggestions I can think of.



When one flaunts there new relationship all over the internet, I.E Bob is so hot. I've never been so happy. He's absolutely amazing. I'm so lucky. Like, wow. He's so hot. He's so hot. Like, everywhere...is it safe to think that the person doing this is insecure about the relationship, and is just trying to prove to everyone how great it is, when maybe it's not all that wonderful?

It is possible that they are insecure but it could just be that they are overexcited.


Hello there and a happy 2004!

I am 14 years old and I am a student of 19(20 is the highest mark)(I live in Greece and there are no marks like A,B,C etc.)Anyway I always feel depressed because of the people in my town.You see here everyone thinks that being a good student is the only thing that matters and if you are not you will be a failure.I study only 30 to 60 minutes each day.Many relatives of mine keep saying that if I studied as much as other children do I would be the first.I tell them that this may be actually true but I say that I want to have my life.They still pressure me and I have a lot of stress.Please help !What to do?

Thank you,Theo.

I'd say that 19 is a good grade. Especially when you consider that you're only 14 and your grades won't be influential for a few years.The study advice I was given when I was 14 gave an hour a day as the normal study period.

Maybe if you explained to a few people how upset their criticism makes you then they would be a little more supportive. I hate to say the word but maybe a 'compromise' is in order. If you agreed to study for an extra half hour a day for a month to see what difference it makes people in your town would be more approving and it wouldn't encroach too much on your life. Do you do any extra curriculars like sport or drama or anything? If you do then you could point out that they are just as, if not more, enriching then a little extra study. You could start up something you think you might enjoy if you aren't already doing something.

When you study do you just sit and read your textbooks or are you doing homework( questions and projects etc)? Try studying in different ways until you find a style that suits you. Study for periods of 20-30 minutes and take a 5-10 minute break in between sessions. Make flash cards and coloured diagrams,mind maps, spider diagrams, lists, Q+A sheets. It might be that your study bores you and is not as effective as it could be because you are using a method that doesn't suit you. Oh and don't study straight after getting home from school.

Always remember- YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!
Make up a list of good things about you and read it aloud to yourself everyday. You musn't let other people's opinion of you get you down.

If you feel yourself getting stressed then turn you music on really loud and sing along (it works for me) or get a cushion and punch it. If you do a martial art then do a sequence.

Ok, I hope that helps a bit. get back to me and let me know how it goes or if you need anything else.

w00t for Theo!



If you want to know the background then go to 'The best way to be a bitch'
Jon pissed me off really rather a lot since then because he would NOT give up at all.

Now Andrew has always been slightly involved in this saga but it just got more complicated.

When I first told him what Jon had said he said 'What would you have done if Bill or I had done it' in a weird way that seemed to be a hint.

Since then we have spent a lot of time sitting talking to each other,and according to some people flirting.We have loads in common and I like him a LOT so it could be true from my part but I'm not sure about him.

The other day he suggested that we should pretend to be dating to get at Jon and I agreed.

What do you think is going on?

What should I do?

People probably won't believe Jon's version of events so you should be OK there.
It's good that you and Andrew'll be working together from now on but surely if you'll be spending so much time with him you can work out for yourself if he likes you.


Hey, snarfism here, I've been getting complaints about my answers. Like, They're too long-winded/too mean/ect. I was wondering if this happens to everyone, or if i'm just a freak bad advice-giver?

I just went and read your advice column and it doesn't seem to mean, or long winded. You are occasionally a little too forthright.

Maybe try reading your answers and if it would hurt your feelings to get that reply then change it a little.


how do u give oral to a guy????

~> confuses!

Are you the same person who asked about Oral Sex and ejaculation?
Because if you are it sounds like some guy has been pressuring you to give him oral sex and that is NOT GOOD!


Um...I'm sorry but I'm not quite clear on what oral sex is...or ejaculation...it's all so confusing because I thought oral sex was simply saying the actions, not actually doing them. I didn't know you could get HIV and all of that stuff from it. Can someone please explain it to me???

Oral sex is when the sexual organs are stimulated using the mouth. Does a blow job sound familiar at all? It doesn't involve penatrative sex but you can still get STI's so use a condom or a femidom( depending on the sex of the reciprocant. It can be done to and by both sexes but some people don't like the idea of it.

Ejaculation is when a guy 'comes'. Sperm shoots out of the penis (hopefully into a condom unless you are trying for a baby). I have heard of female ejaculation but i'm not entirely sure as to the truthfullness of the rumours.

Don't you get Sex Education at school? Is there someone you trust(like a parent) that you could talk to about this? Don't trust everything your friends say.


just before christmas i had a fight with two of my at the time best friends my mum was there and everything one of my friends called my6 month pregnant mum a f*****n fat mole and i whent off my head at her like any daughter would about 3 days after that we came back from our x-mas holidays to find a notice in our letter box asking either me or my mum to ring the police station. the next day my mum rang the police and a cop came to talk to us the bitches had put out a report on me saying that i said i was going to kill them and i was going to stab them which i DID NOT say the cops let it be and said that she is just trying to get attention. now they have gone around telling other people that my mum said she was going to stab them, but she told the police it was me so they are lying to everyone trying to press charges on me so i really need some advice on what to do here please

They don't have any proof that you said it so you shouldn't worry too much. Are you in the USA or Britain or where? The police have already said that they're not going to follow through so you mainly need to think about how it would affect your reputation.Is it likely enough that people would believe it of you?

I think the best advice I can give is to talk to a lawyer if you're worried about the legal repercussions and to ignore people who side with you two ex-friends. Oh, and don't try to be friends with them.

What those two are doing is slander and defamation of character so you could threaten them with a court charge.

Whatever you do keep it civilised and legal.


Your website spacefem.com is driving me CRAZY!!!! Im trying to log in after i registered, but the !@#$%^& think wouldnt let me!!!!! I typed everything in correctley like 1000000000000 times but the thing said it was wrong. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! peace out

Go to site comments and post your problem there ( you don't need to register to post in site comments). Spacefem will probably read it and sort you out.


ok my xxbf sed i kissed to rough and my lasted xbf sed i kissed to low like on his lower lip! i wanna be a GR8 kisser.... soo how do i do it?? my xbf was SUCH a good kisser and left me breathless but how do i kiss then?? HELP!! me!!!! thnx

Kiss how you would like to be kissed.


I can't tell if i am but i can't stop thinking about him and i have a not in my stomach

If you are not in love then you definitely feel something fo this person. Maybe just lust, maybe the real thing. I've never been in love but I've been told that it's unmistakeable.


Me and my boyfriend have been going out for like almost 2 years and we want to have sex but i am a Virgin and i dont know how it would fell can i get some advice explain how it fells and what i should do

How old are you?

You don't sound like you are ready to have sex-you are obviously freaking out and blatantly undecided.

I think you should talk to your boyfriend about it-if you can't talk to him then do not even consider sleeping with him.

You probably won't want to talk to your parents but maybe talk to your school nurse,your friends.

Always use a condom.


*Does He Want Me?*
or is it
that he's workign on his
flirting skills?

*This kid William at my school is really friendly, and we are friends and all, but he flirts with me, and laughs at my stupid jokes, he even talks to me for no reason! He hits me (playfully) and talks to me alot! He is a really ncie guy, but I only like him as a friend?! Atleast I think, I mean he is kinda cute and he has a great eprsonality and a wonderful sense of humor. . But I like love someone else. . and I want to find out if he likes me too. . . *My crush* Everyone on here thinks he does. . I asked a question similar to this one before too, but everyone said this and that and I want your advice!

He's Just a Friend. . Is William in love with me?

Name:*BrItTaNy* Signed: Just a Friend?!

It sounds like there is some sort of chemistry between you but that could just be because you are close friends. It seems likely that he does fancy you at least a little but you're going to have to be very careful. A friendship as close as the one described is not something to be treated lightly. Maybe flirt back a little but be subtle about it.

If he likes you and you are SURE that you like him then things would be great but if you are not sure or think it( the breakup) is likely to be messy then don't go beyond flirting.

About the other person you like; is there a chance that you would be a good couple? Have you talked to any of your friends about him? Try flirting a little to see how he reacts.


I have a internal test in a weeks time on organic chemistry and I have realised that although I understand the work at the time I seem to be completly stumped when presented with a question to work through. Does anyone have any good rvision sites or tips?

Or a miracle...

nadnerb- that IS how you spell revision.

I'm doing vocab flashcards and practice questions for my revision and it's not going too badly. Get people to test you so that you can give the answers and not just learn them passively.


How can I get the entire United States to convert over to the metric system? We're like the only country that uses idiotic "standard" units of measurement that make no sense, it costs our companies money and it's annoying to learn about two systems in school. I need to launch a huge enourmous campaign to take over the country!

write to your representative and ask them not just once but regularly. Get your friends to do it as well.The more people who make a fuss about it the more likely they are to pay attention.


i've been friends with this boy for a couple of years, just friends, but now, after spending most of the summer and after school with him i now have a crush... he has a split personality... one minute, he's the nicest, funniest, all around good person you'd ever meet, but sometimes he hangs around druggies... this scares me...

When you say druggies do you mean hard drugs? Because if it's just dope then you're probably OK. Except that you shouldn't have to feel threatened or scared.

Your best bet is probably to keep talking to him and hint at the things that are on your mind.
But remember...BE SUBTLE!


I wanna be what i feel like being! But if people start rejecting me, my life will be horrible I wanna be a punk is that a bad choice? I already aske dmy mom she seems fine with it. .and well I want that change! but should I not do it, 4 my friends?

You should always be who you feel you are.If people object to that then you probably won't miss them all that much.

Conformity is boring. The so-called 'coolest' people I know tend not to confrom in some way or other.

One piece of advice though- don't change completely overnight, take a more gradual approach.


My 10 year old daughter is invited to a birthday party sleepover this weekend. Is ten year old too young for sleepovers or is it okay for this age to go on sleepovers?

It doesn't seem that out of the ordinary to me. all that will happen is that they'll watch videos, play silly games, eat junk food, play with make up and talk all night. Talk with the host parents about it beforehand and everything should be fine.


do pop tarts qualify more as a "breakfast" or "junk food"? i'm aiming for breakfast here, don't let me down.

I'm not entirely sure what pop tarts (they're not very popular in Britain) are but from the sound of it they wouldn't be the most healthy of breakfasts. cereal bars are similar and probably better for you but fruit is still your best bet.


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