about

Hello,how are you? I hope you're fine but if you're not then just ask and I'll see what I can do.
I'm a 17 yr-old girl.I live in Wales,Britain so I'd be good for an outsider's view.I'm studying for my A-levels in History,English Lit,Media Studies and Welsh.I play the cello and I'm in a whole bunch of orchestras,and a choir or two. I'm an OXFAM volunteer and I'm looking for paid work to fund university this Autumn.

The picture on this column is obviously not a picture of me, it is my avatar from Spacefem.com.

I'm bisexual and I have a boyfriend, so questions about coming out or dating are fine by me. I live with both parents and my younger brother and sister so i know quite a lot about family dynamics.

I'm very open-minded and I'll try to answer as best I can. Basically you can ask me qestions on pretty much anything.

I hope you're all doing OK.

advice

I'm kinda scared of shots, and tomorrow i have to go to the doctor to get a physical and i have to get a tetnis shot. im freaking out. do u have any tricks to help me relax or to numb the pain? i need some advice asap b/c the appointment's tomorrow morning. thx!
signed, shot-phobia

I've had a tetanus shot and it isn't any different from other jabs. Don't worry.

To help you relax whilst your being given the shot talk to the person doing it. They always ask questions to distract you so just answer them. You can talk complete nonsense if you want.

You might also want to try doing maths problems in your head like the 8 times table or counting down from 1000 in increments of 13. It's pretty distracting.

Some people also find rescue remedy a good way to keep them calm for exams etc so it might work for this. Ask the assisstant at your local "alternative" or health food shop.

Good luck for tomorrow and try and relax as much as possible. I hope the advice helps.
*Girlwithamansname

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are u a paid user here do have ur advuce colum like dat? how can i get it??

I never pay for anything on the web. To get my layout I went to the button on the sidebar that says "Column Settings". I use the 'Your Space' option and the auto colour scheme buttons.

It's quite easy to do because I'm not the most computer literate person. If you have any more questions then send them to me and I'll see what i can do.

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My boyfriend and I started to become sexual, and we have done everything short of actualy having sexual intercourse. We are both virgins. I wouldnt mind if we had sex, and when I attempted to approach the subject, I found out that he wants to wait until marriage. I didnt think much of it at the time, except that it was a bit odd. Now, though, my mind has run away with itself, and I'm thinking things like: Obviously sex is very meaningful to him, but everything else is not? I am the first girl he has done absolutly anything with, and we did stuff after about a month. If he is waiting for sex until marriage, but has no problem doing everything else, does everything else (hands, oral) have absolutly no meaning to him? Which is just completly different than how I am on oral, because for me, atleast,oral takes alot of trust, on my part. I'm not quite sure what to think on this one. Any advice would be appreciated.

First I want to clarify that you are still a virgin until you have had penetrative sex. Oral etc does not count.

What is your boyfriends reason for wanting to wait until marriage? Is it religion based? If so his refusal to have penetrative sex is most probably simply obedience.

Any form of sex is important and involves trust on both parties. The fact that he doesn't want to have penetrative sex shouldn't diminish the importance of other intimacy.

It would probably be a good idea to talk to your boyfriend about all this and explain how it makes you feel.

I hope that helped.
*Girlwithamansname

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Im sorry its quite long but i really really do need help! I know its kinda bribing but I will give you 5 if its any reasonable answer! lol!
I have a friend, lets call her Hobbit because she is very short. Now she is, not that im being mean, rather unatractive but quite a nice person. She met this guy on the internet, we will call him Ent because he is very very tall.
Ent and Hobbit got together when he asked her out about a week or 2 after they started talking. He is 21 and she is 17. Quite a lot of her friends didnt like the idea of this so she told them she had dumped him but was actually still going out with him. I didnt really like the sound of it but i knew someone would have to stay on her good books to help her if things went pair shaped. Anyway, she met up with him for the first time last saturday and I came too because i wouldnt let her go on her own because he had been sounding more and more freaky by the day. When i met him though i thought yeh maybe he is alright, but i have discovered recently just how tempremental, slightly peverted and freaky he really is, oh and he also likes to mess with peoples minds for fun.
How can I convince someone who thinks the world of him, who falls for anyone who comes her way, that he is bad news and that i am scared for her, i have tried explaing to her but it just wont get through and im really really worried for her.

Well done you for sticking by your friend. It's important that you continue to be there for her.

Are you absolutely positive that you fears for your friend are justified? The age gap is quite big but not totally unreasonable. If you are legitimately concerned for her then keep bringing it up with her. Try not to sound to negative of bossy because it might alienate her.

This might not be what you wan't to do but it would be a good idea to tell certain other people about the relationship. Maybe a sympathetic family member or some close friends. They should be able to help you keep an eye out for your friend.

Good luck, I hope that helped.
*Girlwithamansname

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Okay me and my boyfriend had sex i would say two weeks ago this happened. and while we were having sex and he cum. and after we got done he noticed the condum was not on him anymore. Later when i got into the shower i noticed that i was kinda sore down there and thats when i relaized that the condum was stuck in me. My friends mom said that there is a 99% chance that I could get pregnant is this true.. Lately i have been feeling sick to my stomach but it could always be from the hot wheater.. is it too soon to get a test .. What do i do? do you think i might be pregnant.

You should always make sure that you use a condom when you have sex and that, when he withdraws, he keeps hold of the condom at the base of the penis.

The liklihood of you being pregnant is not 99% but it is still possible. If you are worried then you should go to a family planning clinic and get it checked out. Don't worry, the people there are very nice and helpful.

I hope that helped.

*girlwithamansname

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Hi.. i was just wondering when you do that one parent planhood thing to get on birth control.. what do you exactly have to do when you go to the place??



i rate high!!

It depends a little bit whether you live in Britain or America or some other country. It also depends on whether it is a drop in clinic or appointment only.

If you need an appointment then phone up in advance (most places provide a drop in service in emergencies), otherwise just show up. Try to get there relatively early on so as not to have to wait to long.

Go to the reception and give your name. If it's your first time then you will probably be given a form to fill in. You then wait until you are called for your appointment.

When you go in they'll check up on some aspects of your general health and ask you what you are there for and things will progress accordingly. If you have a specific question or problem then they will answer it for you. If you want condoms then they will talk a bit about safe sex and then give a lot of condoms and some leaflets in a 'discreet' brown paper bag. If you want to go on the pill then they'll discuss it with you and measure you blood pressure. You'll then be seen by a doctor who will prescribe the pills and give them to you in another 'discreet' paper bag, probably with abunch of condoms and leaflets as well.

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1) If I have sex during my period (towards the end when it's light and unnoticable) or a few days AFTER my period, and STILL USE A CONDOM, will that prevent pregnancy even more?

2) Can you still get pregnant when you're NOT ovulating? Or can you only get pregnant during the 3 days if you are? WHAT ARE THE DAYS IN THE CYCLE THAT ARE THE SAFEST TO NOT GET PREGNANT? (but still use a condom of course)

3) Do ALL condoms being sold nowadays have Spermicide in them (a chemical that kills sperm)? If not all, which ones do?

It is possible for you to become pregnant at any point in your cycle so make sure you always use a condom. The likelihood is increased around the time of ovulation and is conversely decreased around the time of your period.

As to your last question, most brands of condoms are coated in spermicide. Check on the packaging if you are not sure. Almost all varieties of Durex have a spermicidal lubricant.

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okay im going to the gyno to get on birth control pills! now will they be able to tell if you are pregnant or do you like have to ask for a test. im pretty sure im not pregnant so i wont ask i just want to know????

i need help fast thanks

The people are family planning clinics are almost unfailingliy very nice and helpful people. Plus, they talk about sex for a living so they won't be fazed by anything you ask.

If you are worried that you might be pregnant then you can ask for a test and they should be able to do it in about 5-10 minutes.

If you are just going to get birth control pills then you won't need a pregnancy test unless it's likely that you are pregnant. It is obviously not adviseable to take the pill whilst pregnant.

They'll ask you some basic questions about your general health, menstrual cycle and family medical history, and they'll probably measure your blood pressure too.

It's nothing to be scared of and it's completely confidential. You should be sure though that the pill is right for you. There are some medical studies which suggests it has some adverse effects and even if it works as it is supposed to you still need to be very organised about taking the pills.

Don't worry and good luck. I hope I helped.
*Girlwithamansname

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Okay, I'm 14 years old, a male, and I am a homosexual FYI. I lived with my mom until her drug problems escaladed and I had to move with my grandparents. During that time, I became friends with this guy who I am friends with but am totally not attracted to whatsoever. I stayed there for a few months and we signed up for summer P.E. together and everything was going good. Then, I moved with my mom again and I became friends with this other guy who I am totally attracted to and I guess that kinda boosts his personality. I ended up blowing my other friend off and dropped out of summer P.E. to be with the guy I like/love or whatever. Is it bad I kinda ditched my best friend even though its my life and I should be able to do what I want and if this other guy makes me happy that should be the only thing that matters right? Anyways, my summer P.E. friend calls and says I blew him off to be with Ronnie and smoke drugs which isn't entirely false and he hangs up on me. Is it bad that I did this and what should I do now. Also, remember its too late to sign back up for summer P.E. and its also nice to know my summer P.E. friend is a republican and doesn't know I'm gay or anything like that. Please help me out of this bind.

I think you should be as honest as you can with all people involved.

Explain to the guy you like that you feel like you've been neglecting your other friends. That way he shouldn't feel offended when you start spending more timne with your other friends.

You should apologise to the friends you say you have neglected but don't feel you have to come out unless youfeel completely comfortable with. It is important to note that friends worth having will accept you and like you whatever your sexuality. Coming out is scary,particularly to conservative people, but it's worth it for the feeling of liberation and honesty once you've done it. ( I came out as Bi last year and everything was fine)

Why not try suggesting that you spend time with both groups of people simultatneously?

I hope that helped a bit.
*Girlwithamansname

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i didnt know what catagorei to put this under but i think it goes here. anyway im a female. ok my problem is that i like to mess with my vagina for some reason and i get a clear discharge but i dont know what its from and why its happening. i seem to get cuts down there and dont know why. my thing( i dont know what to call it but its not the vagina) gets chapped alot. i dont think its an std because ive never had any sex before. what do you think is wrong with me?

Does the discharge happen while you are "messing" with your vagina or not? Either way it's perfectly normal.

It you become moist when you are masturbating it's because you are sexually aroused and you body is preparing itself for sex. This is normal and nothing to worry about.

The other discharge is sort of a self-cleaning mechanism and again nothing to worry about, unless it starts to change colour or become smelly.

The chapping and the cuts are not to be expected and, although you shouldn't worry about it to much, you should go and see your doctor or nurse. You don't have to tell your parents about it and your doctor will keep it confidential if you want them to.

Hope that helped

*Girlwithamansname

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Yeah, so my guy and I have been together for almost 20 months, and he proposed awhile back.
The thing is, about a month ago we had a big fight over something INCREDIBLY stupid and almost broke up before realizing that it was completely fixable, and that we'd both be miserable without each other. So really, we never broke up...but I want to know if we're still engaged. It's getting close to a year since he proposed. Should I just randomly do something like "You remember what you asked me a year ago today?"
I mean, he still talks about our relationship as if it'll never end, so I think he still feels the same way. I know he still loves me (if anything, he seems to love me more, and I love him)
So...how do I go about bringing this up?

If you are in a relationship that you don't feel comfortable talking about things as important as your engagemnent then you should not be getting married! :-)

If you do want to bring it up then don't be too direct or confrontational about it. Bring the conversation around to the future and mention what it would be like to get married and lead on from there.

You are technically still engaged seeing as you never broke up, just in case you are wondering but it might notr be the best thing for you. You can be in a loving and committed relationship without marriage which is just a bit of paper when you think about it. You could try suggesting that you put the pair of you on a sound financial and legal footing- unromantic but sensible and a sign of commoittment.

I'm sorry if this seems a bit negative and I hope the two of you will be very happy.

*Girlwithamansname

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how do you tell them (a person that you like) you like them in a way that isn't random like just blurtin gout "I REALLY REALLY LIKE YOU!"

Well it's always a good idea to start of just talking to them as a friend, acting as naturally and a s comfortable as you can manage.

Then try adding in some little flirty details and compliments. If they return these then just ask them out. Try and bring the conversation round to an appropriate point first. For example, start talking about films and then ask them on a cinema date.

Your natural body language will help you because you will subconsciously be trying to indicate that you like them and your body should react to this.

It's always slightly nervewracking but why not give it a go.

* Girlwithamansname

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ok i was in the store with my friends and therr b/fz n they werr talking about finger condoms..what are they used for and where can you buy them?? thankz for the help and i rate HIGH!

Well they do exist but they usually aren't used in a sex context. They are usually called finger stalls in Britain and they are used to protect the finger if there is a skin infection or a cut.

I suppose some people might use them in sex whilst "fingering" a girl, but that isn't very common.

You can get them from chemists and sometimes in supermarkets-not dodgy sex shops.

I hope that helped.

*Girlwithamansname

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Okay, this is kind of a weird question, but I've been having issues with my jaw...When I give my guy oral, I often have to stop because my jaw hurts.
What confuses me is that I sing, so my mouth often opens quite a bit, and my jaw doesn't hurt and crack after I sing. But when I go down on him, my jaw hurts so much after awhile I have to stop.
Are there tricks I could use that don't involve me keeping my jaw open for minutes at a time?
Also, tips for getting teeth out of the way...they aren't a major problem, just a minor worry of mine. I'm a tad inexperienced, as you can probably tell...
I don't wanna strain my jaw 'cause I need it to sing, and it's incredibly awkward if I'm going for a high C and instead of hearing the note first, I hear >CRACK

I don't know what could be causing the problem with your jaw but I do have some relevant advice.

1)Don't try deep throating if your jaw is painful and always be the one in control.

2)Try using your tongue more than your lips as this means your mouth won't have to be kept open as much.

3)Use your hands on the shaft and your mouth only on the tip as this should help out with the problems with your jaw and your teeth.

Go and see a nurse if your jaw keeps giving you trouble-embarrassing but over quickly. Good luck with the singing!

*Girlwithamansname

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okay well i got my period on friday, and i'm going swimming like saturday or sunday probably. my period lasted a week last time i got it and that was the first time. so should i be worried? because i know if i use a tampon there probably wouldn't be enough blood or whatever.. and can't that cause tss? i'm just scared if it will happen in the pool or something

thanks, i rate high for good answers that will work

Going swimming while you've got you're period is perfectly fine and nothing to worry about.

I would suggest that you use a tampon so as to avoid any leakage. They really aren't as scary as some people make them out to be. Read the instructions and use and applicator if you aren't used to them. Don't leave it in for longer that 4 hours and you should be fine.

Have fun swimming.

*Girlwithamansname

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okay i have this freind and she wants a advice columb i have one but i forgot how to make it lol can you tell me all the tips in order i rate you a five if you answer this good

your friend Adrienne ps hey want to go out

Getting your own advice column on Advicenators is quite simple, it tell's you how to do it on the home page of the site. Tell your friend that all she has to do is go to the site and follow the instructions on how to register. All she needs to do is have an email address she can activate and to think up a username and password.

umm...
you signed your question "your friend Adrienne ps hey want to go out"
I'm not entirely sure how I'm meant to respond to that as I know very little about you :-)


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so, what IS your name? Girlwithamansname?

My man's name is Greg. It's more a nickname, a pet name if you will.

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ok im bisex and so is my girl/f ((ima girl)) and we were at the movies and when ppl ask if were together we always say yes well this guy asked us if we were bi or sumpin and i was bout to say yes and shes like ha no this is just my friend and she sat by him and made out wit him and i dont no what to do!!

Whilst you should be aware that coming out might be hard for your girlfriend what she did was not acceptable. If she did care about you then she would not have 'made out' with a random guy.

You need to talk to her and explain that she hurt you. However, unless she has a REALLY good reason the I think you should break up with her.

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What are some nice sweet romantic things guys can do to make there girlfriends just feel really really loved...........please help...thanks you all!

It's nice that you want to do something romantic. I just want to warn you that if you try too hard then it could seem a bit tacky or, if you go too far, like you're practically a stalker.

Simple stuff is usually good.

Make sure you touch her lots in a non-sexual way because that will make her feel good about herself.

Compliments are good but be careful about how you word them because it might come out the wrong way.

Steer clear of tacky commercial style gifts and stuff like that.

I'm sorry that this advice is mostly a bunch of negatives but I hope I helped a bit.

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I was just wondering if it will hurt getting in the butt, cause i really want to do it with my 2 boyfriends, you know like one up each hole type thing?? But I am scared whats it going to feel like.... please help!!!!

I'm assuming that both of your boyfrinds know about the other and are okay with it.

The "spit-roast" is quite popular with some people. Judging by the amount of people who do stuff along those lines it can't be too painful.

I would advise using a lubricant though.

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