about

I like:
- the social sciences, especially history (with interests in all types of areas) & sociology.
- computers -- doing an information systems major.
- reading; right now I'm into the classics and historical non-fiction.
- animals, especially dogs.
- helping people.
- travelling.
- being a repository of useless & trivial info.
- keeping up to date with world events & current affairs.

I hate:
- ignorance.
- fundamentalism.

I'm sure there's more.

advice

Alright, this is the thing. I HATE my highschool. Really, HATE it. So I've been pretty much miserable, which is why I've been skipping alot, and now I found out..because of this, I might not graduate. Now you'll probably never understand my culture, but there's nothing more important than education, My father has said it straight to my face "I don't care abotut your happiness, as long as you get into a GREAT university, and have straight A's" and last night he said "Go study! If you have any B's this year, I'll be really dissapointed, and you won't be my daughter!" And when I tried to tell him how dumb that is he said "I've only ever asked you for ONE thing in your life, and that's good grades, just that one thing..I think it's reasonable to ask you to do good in that" or something along those lines. I'm so scared :S and the thing is, since I've feared my father basically my whole life, I've never told him th truth about my grades, my mom has covered up for me, and told him I get straight A's even though I don't. And we were going to do that this year too, but now we can't..because I might not graduate. I can't stop crying, because it seems like there's no solution..I can not get anyone else involved, I can't ask my mother to help me anymore..I just can't. And I CAN NOT talk to my father, it's just not in my culture. So please..don't suggest any of those things. But..what can I do? Is there anything? Please help me :'(

Thank you!

Out of curiosity, what is your culture? I only ask because it sounds similar to mine (a certain Asian-immigrant culture); my parents are pretty easygoing compared to others, but they still value education greatly, and my friends often have had to bear the full brunt of academic pressure.

I don't know what to say... I've had to support friends before with issues like this, and from personal observations the truth has usually come out anyway, sometimes in a rather unpleasant manner. =( That said, the way I see it, you have two options:

1) Get the truth out. Somehow. I _know_ this isn't as simple as my words would suggest, and perhaps you don't want to hear this, but I don't see any way out of your situation in which your father wouldn't find out in the long run anyway.

2) Graduate. Somehow. Again, easier said than done, but this does depend on your feelings. Is it _this_ highschool you hate, or going to school in general? If it's the former, try to justify alternative educational paths in terms of education, e.g. summer schools, transferring schools = 'it'll pay off for my future', 'it's beneficial to my education', 'if I go to vocational college first, I'll have an advantage over others once I go to uni', etc. If it's the latter... I'm afraid the more you try to appease your father, the unhappier you'll become yourself.

Do you have a definite career path in mind? Some career paths don't require you to go to a prestigious uni straightaway, if at all. It just sounds like you're directionless and he's taken it upon himself to direct your path for you.

No matter what, you'll have to consider yourself first. You might cause your father and your mother unhappiness, or cause them to be disappointed in you. However, the situation appears to have reached such a head that any decision made will cause pain to somebody anyway. I think though that what your father wants the most for you is success and happiness, despite what he says -- he just absolutely believes that education's the best way to get it.

I'm sorry, I don't know if any of that helped -- it really is a difficult problem you're in. Are you positive there's nobody you can talk to? We can't help much. Good luck regardless -- it sounds like even changing schools, for example, might help you.

viviena (shirty@gmail.com)

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On weekends, and such, I go out with my mother and grandmother. I'm very close to them, and they're really cool. We relate a lot even though we're all different generations. I guess I'm a lot closer to my family than most people my age.
I look at other seventeen year olds though, and they're always out with their friends, partying and stuff. I very rarely go out with my friends, because a lot of them annoy me and I have a lot more fun with my family.
But I'm starting to think I'm the only teenager who goes out with both my mother and grandmother, and I should be going out with people my age doing more "teenagery" things, as I don't want to look back on my youth and think of all the things I missed out on.
Firstly, is this pathetic? Should I be doing things with people my own age? If so, how do I meet some new people?

Be honest! I can take it. And thank you.

No, it's not. You sound like me. I love my family and love to spend as much time with them as much as possible, especially as I'm by far the youngest one, and I know that they won't be around forever. Plus, I suck at dancing, so my interest in dance clubs is nil. ;)

It would be one thing if you wanted to go out or even had an interest in 'teenagery' things and were denied it. However, if you don't have any interest in it at all, why bother? You might get interested later on; it's not like there's an age limit on partying once you hit 18. Anyway, most 'teenagery' things aren't necessarily limited to being a teenager. You might not have found anything or anybody worth getting involved with yet. I'm 19 and have only just started hanging out and participating in uni societies and the like, but that was because I just felt more outgoing than a few years ago.

If you want to meet new people, I suppose you could just talk to friends of friends. =) However, you could also follow up your interests, or take up a sport. Also, on working full-time, travelling, or going to university, you'll probably meet so many new people it'll be overwhelming.

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I've been trying to convince my parents to get me a cell phone forever. I've tried the "everybody has one" method and the "reasons I need one" method but they wont crack. How do I convince them to let me get one? I have my reasons(good ones too) for needing one.

Thanks 4 the help

Have they offered reasons as to why they won't allow you a mobile/cell phone? Phones are cheap nowadays and a worthwhile investment.

It could be they're afraid that the phone bills could run far too high, even with a job; where I live, there are always these horror stories of teenagers in debt because of thousand-dollar phone bills. :) A lot of parents have that worry, so to counteract that, get a prepaid phone (where you buy credit _when_ you need it, instead of being on a plan), or get a plan which allows a spending limit to be set. Certain plans also allow you to talk to another person on the same plan for free at a certain time, so mobile phones can actually be pretty cheap. Just do a lot of investigating and plan it all out...

Good luck.

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im 14, so obviously im growin up, but my dad cant seem 2 accept dat i am! he says he doesnt want boys near me, n that im still a little girl. i know he just does it coz he luvs me, but i dont want him to treat me like a kid all my life!

Ah, but you've still got a while to grow yet. :) I'm not patronising you, for I can actually empathise a bit, since my parents were the same.

Give it time. You've got plenty of time to meet new people, and your dad does sound reasonable. When you have the chance to go out, take it, BUT follow through his conditions to the letter -- do come home well before the deadline, for example. If you're not allowed to go out, don't nag, but ask calmly his reasons why, and if he's firm in his decision, it would probably be best to accept it. Establish your maturity and let your dad be impressed.

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