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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
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So I'm gonna make this quick. My mom keeps trying to force me to go to church. For reference, I'm 19 years old, in college, and live at home. I've been away from church from the past month mainly because I like just being home on the weekends, and catching up on homework, studying, sleep, or TV. My mom is trying to force me to go again. The only sold reason she can give me is that, people at church keep asking about me, and she can't keep lying for me. I never told her to. Me resting at home is the truth. I couldn't give two shits about people at church, they don't pay my tuition bill and neither does my mom. So as far as I'm concerned, I should be the one calling the shots. How do I get my mom to just leave me be? Thanks.
Your mom is worried about your sole which is her right. What is wrong is at 19 you are an adult and she cannot force you to do anything. She can ask you and most likely does repeatedly though doing so is not forcing it is nagging.
It is hard for some parents to cut the apron strings and realize there little one is now a full grown adult. In you moms eyes you will always be her little boy. Sit down with mom and explain to her your an adult now capable of making your own decisions. Tell her to tell her friends at church that the weekends are your only time to catch up with school work and sleep. If they can't accept that its not her fault. Tell her you will attend church with her when you have the time and that nagging or trying to force you is not helpful.
My sister uses my address for irs mailings without my permission, how can i get that changed as I do not have ss numbers and signatures for the 8822 IRS change of address form?
she doesn't live at my house nor should she be using my address for her personal documents and she doesn't live at my house nor did she ask me permission...I don't want to have anything to do with the IRS when it has nothing to do with me.....ive confronted her and she wont fill out the proper form .....I would need her and her spouses ss numbers and signatures...and they wont sign anything nor provide the ss numbers....
she came and picked up the letters but I still don't want the continuous mail coming to my home and she nor her spouse live at my home....that is her and her spouses IRS drama not mine....so my address shouldn't be on file for their mail..could I fill out the form minus the ss numbers and signature and write a note saying they don't live at my home and mail it to the IRS?
THe best advise I can give you is to call the IRS and ask for their help. The 1040 form is a legal document and while she can give a mailing address different from her residential address one must include their residential address on the filings.
The mailings from the IRS will include her and her spouses address. Opening one of these letters will provide you with the SS numbers you need.
Start with calling the IRS and telling them what is going on. I'm certain they will be able to help you and you won't have to open a letter not addressed to you.
Any tips on what to do about parents that don’t let me save money? Basically when I first got a job my bank account was joint with my mom, it was joint because she told me it’ll be easier for her to send money to my school. Little did I know it was a tactic, whenever I got paid from my job I didn’t know how much I was making because my mom had my debit card she said she wanted us to save money, so I thought. So basically as I was making the money my mom was taking out the money to pay the bills ultimately I finally caught her when we went to the bank together and the bank teller gave me the receipt and my balance was less than 100 dollars when I’ve been working for 30 hours a week. Anyways long story short I got my debit card from her and she stopped taking money. So this school year I had to stop working to focus on school and my parents said that they’ll give me an allowance to survive till school is over and then I’d have to get a job again. Long story short I basically spent my whole savings this year because my parents would either ask me for money or id have to spend it on personal expenses like public transportation so my whole savings is gone. It’s gotten to the point where my mom even asked to borrow my credit card knowing that I don’t have a job to pay it back. She told me she’ll pay it back but I already paid the whole thing with my savings because she still hasn’t (obviously I didn’t tell her I paid for it) Any tips on what to do? I made another bank account that’s not joint with my mom but she found a way to weasel her self to that account too (don’t ask). I don’t want to turn into a person that can’t save money but my parents are turning me into that
Yes there is away to Direct Deposit to your Savings account. As the Bank Manager for the proper form to give your employer
If you're over 18 you mom is not entitled to be on any bank account with you. If somehow your mom has gotten herself on to your account then close that account and open a new one at a different bank and do not tell her which bank it is.
You don't need a checking account if you have a debit card. As for paying your credit card you can do that at the bank. So what you really need for now is a savings account with a Debit card which along with your credit card you keep with you at all times.
When you start working again ask to have your check Direct Deposited. The less paper around the house the better.
I had a similar situation with where when I entered the Air Force my dad sold my car. He claimed the proceeds barely covered a bill form the service station which was wrong. Long story short I said if he ever stole money from me again I would sue him. YOu may have make the same pthreat and you are certainly entitled to do so as you are no longer a minor and your parents have no say over your finances or other things in life including medical records.
so lately my dad thinks that my mum is cheating on him but it aint true. If the situationwas different i would talk to him but he s never in mood for conversations he only yells us and he also gets drunk. Anyways what hould i do
You haven't given your age though if you are under 18 and still in High School I suggest talking to a trusted teacher or your school principal. Your home situation needs to be addressed and they can get you that help.
A drunken father who constantly yells at you is an abusive father even if he has never hit you. THe proper agencies can work with your parents to make a better home life for all of you.
I need help with coming out to my Christian family, they are against lgbtq and really homophobic and don't accept any lgbtq and always say that it's wrong, but I completely disagree and need help coming out, so how should I approach it
There is nothing wrong with being Gay. Being gay is not something you woke up one morning and decided you were gay, you were born that way. IF you think about this you will remember times as you grew up that in light of today were signs you prefered the same sex. Scientists agree on this but still question bisexuality.
What you need to do is to try and educate your parents to these facts. You also need to educate them to the fact that your being gay had nothing to do with them or something wrong within them to produce a gay child.
You have this information handy when you tell them your gay or lesbian and you should tell them. There is no reason you should hide this from your parents regardless of how they feel about LGBTQ. You need to lead your life in a manner that makes you happy and complete. As a parent I can say that this is what we wish for our children. Maybe they will change their minds one they know you are gay or lesbian.
We are in our 20s and don’t know what to do. The only option given to me is for me to convert to being muslim. It sucks because he does not want to let down his parents and wants his parents to accept me. If they find out he is still speaking to me, they would arrange a marriage for him and force him to marry whomever they choose. They even told him if I decide to convert my whole family basically would have to do the same or do whatever is “halal” like his family. Which I think is nonsense cause my family would never do such a thing. I really feel like his parents just don’t want him with me...There has to be another way to get through this. Yes, conversion is a big step to take in my life but I really do love him and can picture and fully be okay with having a future with him. I really don’t know what to do...I really can’t and do not want to lose him. Someone please help
I'll make this short and bittersweet; walk away now before the hurt grows to big.
Your parents will not accept him and his parents will never accept you. This would put a huge strain on any relationship. In the end you will end up hating each other. Walk away now while you can still remain friends.
You're 20 something; there are plenty of fish in the sea. Rebate your hook and start dating others. This man is not your Price Charming he is still out there waiting to meet you.
My boyfriend wants me to introduce myself to his mother while his in Dubai. I have no idea what and how. Advice please.
While this is a strange request on his parr there could be some good reason(s). To introduce yourself is entirely up to you. If you decide to do so I suggest the following ways:
1. If she is on social media send her a friend request. When and if she responds you can explain who you are and ask her to meet you for lunch or coffee.
2. Call her on the phone. If she agrees to meet you set a time and place.
3. Last but not least is the old fashion way; go knock on her door one day.
My only question is why he didn't introduce you to her before he left. This could be some type of loyalty test. If so I caution you on growing this relationship for the man is a controler and he will want to control your every move, including what clothes you wear, who your friends are. Everything in you life . Controllers can also be violent and you can get hurt/ So think about this and then decide
I'm a sixteen year old high school girl (I'll be 17 in a couple months). Some months back, I was responsible for a car accident that severely injured the driver of the car that I struck. The accident was a result of me texting while driving. I was lucky enough to walk away with a few bruises. The other driver had to be taken away in an ambulance. After the police completed their investigation, I was charged with vehicular assault.
I have a court date coming up where I'll be accepting a deal we worked out with the prosecutor. The upside is it'll allow me to be convicted as a juvenile. However, I'll also have to spend 90 days locked up in the county juvenile detention center.
I own the fact that what I did was stupid and reckless and I'm lucky it didn't turn out worse than it did. And I know that I totally deserve my punishment. I plan to write my victim a letter of apology from juvie if he doesn't come to my sentencing hearing.
I just wish I knew what to do about my parents. They're so disappointed and upset with me, and I don't blame them. I hate what's happened to our relationship. We used to be so close before all this happened. Now, I feel like all trust is lost. I wish I knew what I could do to start healing our relationship.
For whatever it may be worth, I'm really sorry about what I've done. I promise I'll never do anything so stupid ever again.
With all the warnings about texting and driving people still do so. When I'm driving if I see anyone texting and driving I notify the police of the license plate number, location and direction.
That being said I do have a couple of suggestions for you.
1. Ask your school principal if you can speak at an assembly about your situation and why this is happening to you.
The police should have accident photo's and the prosecutor may have other photo's of the accident scene with the victim being assisted by the medics and fire department. Put together a slide show for the presentation. Presented to the principal, if he or she likes it ask if you could present it at other area high school.
The result of you doing this, will show your parents and the judge, yes tell the judge what you have done and bring a printed copy to court, that you are taking responsibility.
While you have a deal with the prosecutor the judge is not bound by the deal and can impose a different sentence. BE honest though if you do this as judges can see right through those just trying for lighter sentences.
2. While in Juvie you can ask to see the psychologist and ask for help in mending your relationship with your parents.
Good Luck and I hope you have truly learned from this and your victims suffering is not chronic.
One of the things you will have to deal with is the law suit headed your way and to your parents. I don't know where you live so I don't know the law. The results of any settlement could pose a financial hardship which could effect their ability to send you to college. Make sure you include all the possible ramification of the still to come law suit and it is coming one your victim is fully recover. Do the research, ask your attorney if you and your parent can be sued for more then your auto liability coverage.
I am 29 year old female and I got a facebook message from my aunt dot that I have not heard or seen from since I was 12 years old and she invited me over for Christmas dinner. The thing is my dad died when I was 12 and I have not heard anything from them since. We live in the same town yet no calls or visits in 19 years then out the blue she calls and wants me to go to their house when I haven't heard from them in 19 years . I feel like something is up like she and my uncle both want something other than me eating dinner with them . Am I wrong for feeling this way? I simply declined the invitation by simply saying I will be eating dinner with my other aunt that dau ,but thank you for the invite without being rude. I just want to know am I wrong for feeling like my aunt and uncle are up to something ? To give you a bit of an idea of what kind of people they are . The day after my dad died they cleaned out his house of all his possessions and didn't leave me with anything . Not even his pictures !
It is possible that know they are getting upwards in age that they want to correct past wrong. I agree you did the right thing in turning down the dinner invitation. To see what there true intentions I suggest you call them and see if there is a time you can stop by for a short visit. It appears they may have been offering an olive branch. Offering to visit with them will satisfy your curiosity. A short visit in mid-afternoon allows you to leave quickly if it is not an olive branch they are offering or stay for dinner if offered.
I'm 15 and my parents have always been super protective of me. Maybe it's because I'm an only daughter in addition to being an only child. Who knows. I do know I was determined to get more freedom. Several months back, I came across something online about GPS watches. I did a little research and presented my parents with a proposal. If they got me one of these watches, I'd be willing to wear it in exchange for a later curfew. After sleeping on it, they agreed.
So for the past month or so, I've been wearing this watch. They've held up to their end of the deal. I'm finally able to stay out as late as all my friends. The only restriction I have is that they've programmed the watch to send them alerts if I'm late for school or try to leave school early. I never play hookie, so that's not a big deal to me. In case you're wondering, this watch has a lockable wristband. That's how they know I'm not just taking it off once I'm out of sight.
I recently told a friend what this watch does and he thinks this arrangement is just nuts. Personally, I don't see the big deal. I get more freedom and my parents get to worry less. Seems like a fair exchange. What do you think? Was I wrong to make this deal?
I think you are a very wise young lady. You found a way to get your freedom while giving your parents a way to worry less about you when you are out of their sight. I would have made the same deal with my son had the watch been available when he was 15.
I am an 18 year old girl. I feel like my nana prefers my cousins over me. I recently got a new job in my local council and a few months later my cousin who is the same age as me got a job in mcdonalds. My nana posted a facebook status congratulating him for getting a job but didn't do the same for me. Am I being selfish? Everytime I see my nana I feel like she prefers my cousins than me because she spends more time with them and never praises me for anything. I just feel like she hates me
I am the only boy in my family and I was the apple of my grandfathers eye because of this fact. Did he love my sister or two cousins any less? I don't think so but many years later my sister confessed she felt left out just as you are saying now.
There is probably more to this story then you are telling or may even know about but I doubt your Nana hates you. You're an adult know so I suggest that you sit down with Nana and ask her straight outwhy she favors your cousin over you. I'm certain she will tell you that is not true.
I am planning on seeing a play on my birthday. I am thinking about seeing the Witches at the Los Altos Stage Company on my birthday. It is an adaption of a Roald Dahl novel and in 1990, the novel was adapted into a film starring Anjelica Huston and Rowan Atkinson. I have read some of Roald Dahl’s other works such as the BFG, James and the Giant Peach, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and its sequel Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator, Matilda, and Danny: Champion of the World. However, the Witches is more aimed towards children and my next birthday is going to be my twenty-sixth birthday, so I may be a little too old to be seeing this play. The thing is that the play is going to be in Los Altos, California and I live in Danville, which is an hour northeast of Los Altos. So it is going to take an hour to get home from Los Altos if I see the play.
Because I am autistic, I tend to like things that are meant for younger people. For example, I like Beauty and the Beast, Thomas and Friends, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and Hello Kitty. However, I have always been a fan of Roald Dahl’s works so this play might be suited for me. Plus my mother likes witches so this play may be suited for her as well.
What do you think I should do? Should I see this play or should I not waste my money on it and see something else like a movie that night? Please let me know what you think I should do. I hope that you can help me come up with a solution to the problem.
A play adapted from a book does not mean the play follows the book exactly. One of the main problems in adapting a book to a play rather than a movies is the stage is limited in what can be presented. Where as a movie can more follow the book because of the fewer limitations in presentation.
That being said nothing says the play is directed at a younger audience. Even so you like the works of the book author it might be interesting and entertaining to see how the director adapts the book to the stage.
My advice is go and enjoy the play.
I'm 14 and my sister is 10. Since my sister was about 4 years old my mom started not being nice to me but super nice to my sister ( offers to help my sister with school work, does her chores for her and never blames her for anything ) in fact if my sister ever does bad stuff ( which she does all the time knowing that she won't get in trouble ) my mom screams at me saying my sister used to be sweet and i made her a brat but then goes back to my sister like everything is fine. also we are both homeschooled and my mom will not help me with my school work i have to try and do all of it by myself i also cook all the meals for my family, clean and do all the laundry anyway i just don't think it's ok the way she treats me. sorry this is so long.
Your situation is not unique. THe younger child is generally the one mom will always think of as her baby. THe older child is the experiment in parenting. Whatever they feel they did wrong with the older child they make up for with the younger child.
The real problem is parents do not realize what they are doing and how it affects the older child and the relationship between siblings. My Aunt pitted my two cousins against each other to the point as adults they do not speak to one another.
I suggest you talk with grandparent or Aunt, preferably moms sister and see if they won't intervene for you.
Should I stay? I feel like I don't really belong in the home I currently live in. I feel irrelevant and that they don't really care for me. My mother said I could live with her family instead. Should I go?
I would love to help; you with this question but I need more information especially how old you are. Your age is important for if you are under 18 legally you cannot move out of your parents home unless they allow you to. Even so until your 18 your parents are still responsible for your well being even if you are not living with them.
A parents legal responsibility to their children is to provide a roof over them, see that they are well fed. That they have clean serviceable cloths. That they are in good health and attend school on a regular basis. Your moving out does not negate these responsibilities
My mom constantly tries to control every aspect of my life. I'm a 13 year old girl and I'll just tell you about a few instances I have gotten into. Today my mom told me in an angry tone to wash my sheets when I only just washed them last week. I have never seen my twin brother or my mom wash their sheets yet they expect me to do mine every week. Another time I was out with my friends and I get an angry call saying that my mom couldn't find the remote and she claimed that I lost it, but I couldn't have lost it because I never use the remote, yet she is 100% sure that I am the one that lost it and she threatened that if I don't tell her where it is that she would come and get me and take away my phone for the next week. She also has a lock on my phone that takes away all of my apps and I usually can't use it unless it is for homework. We fight everyday and she is always angry. I can't wait until I can move out. Is there any way I can fix this? Or make her trust me more?
I'm not going to make light of this for you but it is not unusual for girls your age and their mothers not to get along. It has a lot to do with puberty and the new hormones now surging through you. THese hormones, until you adjust to them, cause a problem with perception. Example the sheet problem. Most people do wash there sheets weekly it is just good hygiene to do so.The fact that you don't see your mom doing her sheets r your brothers does not mean she isn't doing them. The fact that she wants you to do your own sheets will be seen by many as good parenting. Teaching you things you will need to know as an adult. Controlling you cell phone usage is also seen by many as good parenting.
THe fact is you are 13 and for next 5 years you must live at home with your mom. When you turn 18 you may if you wish move out and there is nothing mom can say or do about it. For now though try seeing things as they are presented not as you think they are being presented. Try getting along with mom. Sit down with her and have a conversation. Talk about how you are a young lady, a teenager and that you have earned a bit more respect then she is giving you.
The object of the conversation is to get mom to remember what it was like to be 13 and needing more freedom. There is a fear factor here that all parents go through with their newly minted teeanagers. frank non yelling discussion will go a long way in getting the freedom you want and need to grow into an adult.
So this is my last year of high school and I'm not scared for it but I am scared of becoming an adult. I have super controlling parents that are really strict. I do hate my life a lot and I know a lot of people think that's just so typical of teenagers but I don't know. A lot of times I don't feel loved but alone. My dad acts like he loves me but he gets mad over the little things and yells. I feel emotionally abused and I don't know what to do. I want to enjoy my life when I am 18 but I don't have my papers such as social security, birth certificate,etc. I am scared to ask for the papers, and I know they won't let me move out because they're religious. I used to joke about it to my mom and she got so mad and told me never to joke about stupid stuff like that. I just want to enjoy my teenage years but they're all gone, I don't even go to school dances because my parents wouldn't allow me to hang out outside of our house, they allow me to bring my friend over but nothing else. I never experienced the high school life. I want to enjoy my life because I can't regain the 17 years I've missed. I don't even have money to move out, I am so impatient though I really need help and I don't know what to do when I graduate, I know I can't wait any longer and stay. Please help and give me good advice.
On the day of your 18th birthday you become a legal adult. Your parents can no longer legally tell you what to do or when to do things. OF course what they hold over you is the fact that you do not have the financial means to move out there for the old rule of; "You live under my roof you live by my rules"
The papers you speak of are yours to have and to hold especially you Social Security Card. There is no need to fight with your parents over these items as legal copies or replacements are easily gotten. Go online to SS.GOV to request a replacement Social Security Card. For your birth certificate contact Bureau of vital records for the state you where born in. A replacement copy can be obtained for a small fee.
Things that change when you turn 18.
1. Legally your parents can not open your mail or withhold it from you. To do so is a Federal Offence.
2. Your parents have no legal right to your medical records. Written permission to your doctors is required for parents to view or discuss your medical well being.
3. Your parents cannot make a medical appointment for you or force you to see a doctor for any reason.
4. You can legally remove a parents name from any joint bank account.
5. You have free will. Meaning you come and go as you please without curfew. Have a boyfriend to any extent you are comfortable with in a relationship,
6. you can apply for financial aid for any college of your choosing.
Your parents responsibility to you.
Legally once you turn 18 your parents are no longer responsible to feed, cloth or house you or your medical well being.
Um so sick of my daughter I feel like I could live the rest of my days without seeing her face. Is this normal?
I would need more information as to why you feel this way. Depending on your reasoning your feelings could be perfectly normal.
I'M INTERESTED IN BECOMING A CALIFORNIA HOME CARE AIDE AND I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW CAN I WORK FOR TWO FAMILY MEMBERS ONCE I COMPLETE MY TRAINING ( I.E. GRANDMOTHER, AUNT)OR AM I ALLOWED TO HELP ONE FAMILY MEMBER ONLY I.E. AUNT? IM BEING PAID BY THE AGENCY
This is a question that only someone in California licensed to do home health care can answer. Also it will depend on the agency holding your license as to how you practice.
A bit of backstory, me and my dad were never close. He has anger issues, and he throws tantrums quite a bit. I'm much closer with my mother, and tend to spend the most time with her. Since we moved about a month and a half ago, I've been avoiding him slightly, choosing to do things with only me and my mother, and not mentioning him to any of my friends. He'll cuss in inappropriate places, such as a school meeting, when he got mad and told me I need to get the fucking paper, even though I already had one. Or when he cussed out a fast food employee for the restraunt being closed. He constantly interups me , and has broken things without apologizing for anything. He also says some pretty racist stuff from time to time. Point is, I don't like to be around him. So, me and my mom are planning a camping trip with her, me and her brothers, not including my dad. He seems really upset about this, since we don't do stuff with him much anymore. I'm really starting to feel guilty about this though. My mom doesn't want him to go, and I don't either, but this guilt is eating me up inside. I don't know what I should do.
There is an old saying which says; "You can choose your friends not your relatives." I would say this saying fits your problem.
Nowhere is it written that a child must be on friendly terms with their parents. We get many letters like yours so you are not alone and should not feel guilty. I myself cut all ties with my father when he in a letter insulted her and refused to apologize. Among many things he missed was not seeing his grandson accept his diploma and awards for being an Honor Graduate from College. Do I feel bad about this not in the least.
There is no reason to include your father in anything if he is unwilling to change. There is no reason for you, your mom or Uncle to have your trip ruined because of issues your father has.
14 year old female. For as long as I can remember, my mom has always spoken over and interrupted me. If we're having anything from a heated argument to a simple conversation, she'll listen to like half my sentence then start talking. Once, we were arguing and I was going to say something when she interrupted by screaming at me. When I claimed she interrupted, she replied that she "knew what I was going to say" but she had the completely wrong idea.
Worse than that, if someone asks me a question she'll answer for me whether it's 'what are you doing in school?' Or 'how are you?' Even my dad has pointed this out, and she does this to my two siblings as well. From the moment I was born, she has forced me to do things I don't want to do and decided I would be a lawyer. I don't want to be a lawyer, I want a creative carreer, and it pisses me off that she constantly tries to push back on my hobbies just because it doesn't fit what she wanted to be but failed at. I've tried telling her this several times and she claims that since she's my mother she can do this.
In addition, she's annoying in other ways. First of all, I remember I used to be suicidal (not anymore, have gotten phsyciatric help). I tried telling her I was depressed, and she told me to get over it and how she's had it worse-in fact, she yelled at me to get the FUCK over it. Then later on she invades my privacy by reading my journal and goes all 'why didn't you tell me you were suicidal?????' And guilt trips me through the whole healing process with 'you do NOT get to put me through hell and back and then...' everytime I do something she doesn't like.
Once she caught me with a girlfriend and figured out I like girls. I specifically told her I want to come out to the family on my time, on my own terms, especially since I was 13 and wasn't sure if I was gay or bi yet (or if liking girls was just a phase, for that matter) but she takes it upon herself to out me as gay to everyone she knows.
She complains I don't have a relationship with her. But she expects me to jump whenever she wants to do something while never doing anything I want to do. I'll give an example: I rented the 2012 Les Mis movie and invited her to watch it with me since Les Mis is my favorite musical. She decides to be on her phone the whole time. I try to talk about anything I like and she nods me off.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I'm sick of being spoken over and guilt tripped over everything. She keeps claiming she wants to improve our relationship, but doesn't wanna do anything other than be all "I'm the mother so shut up" how do I deal with this?
Your mother is correct in the fact that she is your mother. With that comes certain privileges and responsibility. A parents main responsibility is the health and welfare of their children.
By your description your mom is failing at welfare of her children as. Part of a child's welfare is listening to their children and understanding. A parent should guide there children through life but not make life decisions for them such as telling you must be; that you be a lawyer.
You by yourself will not change your mom especially if she doesn't listen to your dad when he points theses ling out to her. There are a couple of things you can do that might help.
1. If your still in counseling tell this to your therapist and ask for joint sessions with mom and dad too. If you're not in counseling you should get back into it and discuss this with your therapist and ask for joint counseling.
2. You can also talk with a trust teacher or principle about this.Part of what your mother is doing with you and your siblings comes very close to mental cruelty. If your teacher and r your principal agree mental cruelty at home is possible they must advise Child Protective Services who will intervene and have mom go to parenting classes.