Q: I am a 22-year-old Dominican female, and ever since I was about 5 years old I wanted to get married and have two or three kids and a variety of pets (cats dogs and guinea pigs) with a man.
I met my ex while I was at work, through a mutual friend who was coming to visit me. She introduced me to him, and after like 4 months of dating we were in a relationship for almost 3 years.
I was going through a tough time with my mom where I got kicked out, and he was there for me the whole time, making sure that I had a place to sleep while I was homeless for two weeks, (as I could not sleep over his house because he had 9 people at the time living in his home already) helping me move, etc.
throughout the time he also was the main reason why I developed into a much better person than I was before. I miraculously got an apartment very soon after i got kicked out, within those two weeks. I went through 3 sets of roommates and he pointed out to me all the things i was doing that were not good for our relationship or my interaction with anyone, including my mom. He was extremely patient with me, loved me unconditionally, and taught me how to accept others as well as accepting my mom for who she is. So many beautiful things about this man led me to fall in love with him. But our love was never very passionate, i never found myself thinking about him all day or having butterflies or anything like that i just have a deep deep respect for him and i want to keep him in my life. He even agreed to the idea of having an open relationship even though he didn’t like the idea. He taught me how to communicate my feelings easily, a whole bunch of beautiful things.
Anyway. The reason why we broke up was because I was no longer attracted to him due to the fact that he didn’t have a job and didn’t really try to keep one throughout our relationship. He liked to smoke weed, have sex with me and play basketball more than he liked to do anything else. He had little side jobs here and there but never anything concrete. I was always having to pay for lunch, if he took me somewhere it would be his mother’s money, when he would smoke with friends he’d be freeloading off of them, and he was always just lazy. It made me lose interest and my love for him became simply appreciation for him helping me grow as a woman.
But since we broke up i haven’t found anyone that is a good match or worth introducing to my family. No one worthy. my dad is 68 years old. And i want him to meet his grandchildren. My ex is a man i can raise children with proudly and never have to worry about abuse, or disrespect, or infidelity, or any kind of conflicts between our families, he’s the ideal match when it comes to long term. On paper.
And since we’ve been apart he has expressed to me that he’s working on getting a job at a bank and making a career out of it. He wants to be part of the investment department. But i don’t know if I’m attracted to him anymore and i don’t want to waste his time or break his heart. I just want to have my family with the right man and i think he is the right man for me. I just don’t feel as attracted to him or in love as i should be.
We have been talking about moving in together sometime next year, because after like 1.5 years in that apartment, i had moved back in with my mother. I also just miss him and i sort of want to get back with him so i can have the family and dream ive always wanted. My mom and i are not getting along well because we never truly have, and i want to move out so our relationship doesn’t have to be so hostile. but I’m afraid that I’m making the wrong choice. I’m not sure if i expressed all the feelings i needed to to convey my thoughts. But i hope someone would be able to understand despite my being all over the place. Thanks in advance!!!!!
