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June 18, 2009Answers:
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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
I'll get straight to the point.
19/f
I am in a 2 year relationship and up until this point have never had a problem with my boyfriend or myself watching porn. I always thought it was a healthy form of sexual expression and completely normal. Were very open about these kinds of things.
But then the more I started thinking about it the worse I felt. He doesn't abuse it at ALL and when I watch it, its maybe once a month or less, so these feelings came out of nowhere. It doesn't interfere with our relationship whatsoever.
(Also i'm not religious)
So I just need opinions!
1) Is it healthy/normal for a relationship?
2) It's not considered cheating ... right?
3) How could I maybe cope with it better?
Or anything else you guys wanna say please do.
I'm a little confused about the whole thing and have been feeling pretty bad every time we talk about it.
Thanks!
Like everything else in any relationship the key is what is acceptable to the people in the relationship. This is very much an important part of any sexual relationship which porn of course would be a part of.
In the manner you speak of porn it is normal and can be made a part of any normal healthy sexual relationship. Sex like anything else is a learned concept. Yes copulation is inbred in all of us just as any animal knows how to copulate. Sex on the other to be fun and enjoyable is learned.
By learning I mean partners need to learn about each others likes and dislikes. They need to agree that no is no and stop is stop. Sometimes we hear about different things, positions, fetishes, or other things concerning sex that we frankly are not aware of or may not know how to work into. Porn in this manner plays a part as there is porn available for just about any subject you may wish to observe or try.
Also voyeurism is a great turn on for many people. Porn is a safe and legal way to explore and experience this area of sexuality. Porn is not cheating.
As for coping with porn that is an individual thing. You may have been raised to believe porn is dirty or worse; it is not either. It is healthy when used as you described. It can also be used as a learning tool as I described or to satisfy a sexual itch. It is also legal to view where shown or in the privacy of your own home.
When you find yourself able to accept what I have written here. Then I believe you will cope better with porn. Cheating is a one on one real situation. You cannot cheat with a piece of film or a magazine. You can lust for the persons image but lusting is not cheating.
(Rating: 5) Very helpful! Thanks!