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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
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20/f last year I was raped by my ex boyfriend, long story short we drank (he led me to believe he was drinking but in actuality I was the drunk one,) when we went to bed I remember waking up to him doing the act. To this day I have not told anyone except a good friend, and my new current boyfriend (of almost 9 months) at the very beginning of our relationship, but I toned town the story a bit. Nobody actually knows everything that happened, and I can't seem to get over it. I have brought it up once to my boyfriend, and he consoled me (as well as wants to kill my ex) but I feel badly about the topic if it is to come up again, I don't want him to think I still think about my ex. Should I be over it by now? It makes me feel dirty and sick to think about it, I could cry.
Thank you
I am terribly sorry for what you have gone through. No one should have to deal with being raped.
First the facts: Your ex cannot contend you consented;you were drunk. In the eyes of the law someone who is drunk or under the influence of any mind altering substance is not able to give consent. This is the law and you can charge him with rape, even today however long ago it may be as long as the statue of limitation has not run out. In most states this is 5 years.
Now as for rape itself. Rape is not something you get over. You have been violated in the worst possible way a women can be. What can be done is through proper counseling with a rape counselor, a psychologist, we can help you deal with this is away that you can learn to put this behind you and move on with your life. To live a normal life even though you have been raped.
What you feel right now is appropriate for what has happened to you. You need a sense of closure to feel better. That closure could be to bring formal charges of rape against your EX.
There is a group called RAINN I would like you to contact. RAINN stands for; Rape, Abuse,Incest, National Network. They operate a 24/7 hot line you can call for help. The number is 1-800-656-HOPE. When you dial that number their computer notes your area code and first 3 digits of your phone number to route your call to a crises center near you.
Nothing about the call or the routing is retained by the crisis center unless you request them to retain the information you give them or talk to them about. Their purpose is to help you through what has happened by helping you find the proper professionals to help you. TO offer you the support you need right now and that shoulder you need to cry on as well.
They can answer any questions you may have about charging your ex with rape. What the process is and what you can expect after you file the charges. They can recommend the therapists in your area that are trained to help you. They can offer you far more support than any of us can.
One thing I would like you to remember up front about what has happened. You are a victim. Nothing you did or said caused you to be raped. Your ex is now a criminal and should be dealt with accordingly. He can scream for now to Saint Swizzles day that you consented. Under the law you legally could not consent. Any boy/man old enough to have sex knows this.
You have a good boyfriend now who I believe loves and respects you. Don't chase him away over this. Call RAINN and get the help you need to properly deal with this so you can get on with your life.
(Rating: 5) Thank you so much for your advice