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June 18, 2009Answers:
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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
He likes to receive oral, and I do it for him every other day because I care about him and want him to feel good. He knows that I love it, but only does it for me 1-2 times every two weeks. He says he doesn't mind it and that it has nothing to do with my hygiene which is immaculate. He always has an excuse, like that he is tired or he is just not in the mood. Yet, he is always up for him getting it or having sex. I feel like there is something he isn't telling me, but whenever I bring it up, he gets angry. What should I do?
One of the most important pieces of advice I give when answering questions concerning sex is that partners have to communicate with each other. when I say communicate I mean talk to each other before hitting the sheets as to what your individual likes and dislikes are. What are definite No's, what are things you might try and how you like to be made love to. Not the first time you have sex together but sometime after if the relationship is going in the direction of a long term affair.
This is especially important for the women to tell the man. Most men learn about sex by reading prono magazines and watching porno movies. Porn movies are made to titillate the audience and are not the way most of us like to make love. As the female you have to teach your man you and maybe he will want to show you what he likes as well.
With oral sex being a big part of your pleasure he needs to be more open with you as to why he is reluctant to please you in this manner. There are any number of reason I could give you as to why he may not like to give you oral pleasure. The biggest one would be failure to please you in this manner.
We men have very fragile egos when it comes to sex we all think we are the worlds greatest lovers and we can be if we allow our lover to show us what they like. This is where a problem exists allowing our lover to show us how to make love to them. TO the male it means failure as a lover.
Playing tit for tat games is not going to solve your problem. Meaning if you don't give me oral sex I won't give you oral sex. This will not resolve the problem. In fact I think it will make it worse.
You two need to have a calm discussion about your sex life. If that is not possible then I suggest you see a sex therapist. A sex therapist is a doctor of psychology who specializes in sexual dysfunctions.
Oral sex can be a big part of a persons sex life. So I understand why you have written to us for advice. I personally don't see giving oral sex as a favor or a duty. To me it is a part of foreplay one my wife and I enjoy.
You now have to decide if you can live with just what he is willing to give, to try and find out his real reason for not enjoying oral sex for you in a one on one discussion, asking him to see a therapist with you to discuss this as some time a professional third party is helpful; or decide if oral sex is that important for you that you wan to remain in this relationship without it.
(Rating: 5) Thank you! I will try what you suggested. Our situation can definitely relate to what you said!