I aim to give you solid advice on your problems. I don't sugarcoat things and I'm always straight up. Don't come asking for what you want to hear as I always give the truth even if you don't want it because it's what you need and the only way to grow.
Gender: Male
Member Since: December 31, 2006
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Last Update: August 30, 2022
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22/female
Mike grew up mormon, but he left that religion a few years ago. Mike and I have been dating for a few months now, just recently we started getting sexual. Last night we hung out and it started to get hot and heavy, we ended up naked in his bed. He grabbed a condom and of course it takes forever to put them on so by the time he had it on the mood was dead. We started making out to get him hard again but after awhile, we were tired of trying, he could not get hard. I was so confused and bummed so I asked him if it was my fault he couldn't get hard, if he was even attracted to me. He said he is definitely attracted to me and the problem is that his old religion (mormon) always gets in his head at the worst time and messes him up, hence why he can't stay hard.
I don't know what to do about that! It has happened both times we have tried, so we still haven't had sex yet. It's not that i'm mad about the sex, it's that I know it upsets him and I wish I could help him somehow. I can definitely get him hard and stuff, but when it comes to the actual sex part its like his brain takes over and he can't anymore.
I don't know much about the mormon religion, but if anyone does I would love to hear if you have any insight on any of this, or any help you can give me.
Thanks! (link)
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Tell him that it hurts you a lot to see him so upset and worked up regarding sexual activity and what negative things he may have been taught still affecting him. Ask him to TRUST you fully and try two things.
There's a product that you can get from an adult novelty store that was specifically designed for men who can't achieve or in his case maintain an erection for sex. It's a ring that slides to the base of the penis and traps in blood until such times as intercourse is complete.
That could really help him. Also, ask him about any medication as that could have been the real problem. Just tell the adult novelty store that you need rings for this erection blood flow problem and they'll understand what you mean.
It has a vulgar slang name for male genitals unfortunately that I would probably get in trouble for printing here. It's a universally available product and every adult novelty shop has them.
Next, this sounds like a psychological thing about sex that needs to be addressed with couples therapy. You could suggest going to therapy together to address his religious teachings/hang-ups and how you both can move forward to enjoy sex together as you really want both of you to be comfortable and enjoying.
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Rating: 5
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I don;t want to make him feel like he HAS to have sex though...I think it might make him feel that way if I suggest that thing.
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