adviceman49's advice column

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

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advice

22/female
Mike grew up mormon, but he left that religion a few years ago. Mike and I have been dating for a few months now, just recently we started getting sexual. Last night we hung out and it started to get hot and heavy, we ended up naked in his bed. He grabbed a condom and of course it takes forever to put them on so by the time he had it on the mood was dead. We started making out to get him hard again but after awhile, we were tired of trying, he could not get hard. I was so confused and bummed so I asked him if it was my fault he couldn't get hard, if he was even attracted to me. He said he is definitely attracted to me and the problem is that his old religion (mormon) always gets in his head at the worst time and messes him up, hence why he can't stay hard.
I don't know what to do about that! It has happened both times we have tried, so we still haven't had sex yet. It's not that i'm mad about the sex, it's that I know it upsets him and I wish I could help him somehow. I can definitely get him hard and stuff, but when it comes to the actual sex part its like his brain takes over and he can't anymore.
I don't know much about the mormon religion, but if anyone does I would love to hear if you have any insight on any of this, or any help you can give me.
Thanks!

That old time religion will do it all the time. It is hard to live down your lifetime of teachings. Be supportive of him and let him know you will be there and see him through this.

Then ask him to make an appointment with his doctor for a complete physical. Just to make sure there is nothing medical standing in the way. ED can strike any male at any age so it is best to make sure this is not the problem. Getting an erection and not being able to maintain one is an ED problem. this might not be as he feels all in his head but may be a physical problem.

Once he has finished with the doctors then I suggest that the two of you visit a therapist. The proper therapist would be a sex therapist. No not one like Helen Hunt portrayed in Sessions. This would be a psychologist who specializes in sexual therapy. This type of therapist will be able to help him over come the lifetime of religious teachings. By you going with him you will be able to help him through this.

I also think this will help grow a real bond between you which could last a life time should you feel this way about him.

The type of help I am recommending should all be covered by any insurance he has.

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