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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
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Thank You In Advance For Reading My Story, Giving Me Advice, etc. I apologize if it sounds like I'm whining but I really want to know why I am the way I am and how to better myself.
Hi , I'm a 16 yr old girl. I never kissed a guy, been on a date , hung out alone with a guy or been in a relationship. I don't go to parties, sneak out or hang out late. I don't feel like I do normal teenager things and even my mom complains that I'm being antisocial. I have been to three different high schools and in my current high school, unlike the previous two, I have almost no friends. I hide during lunch because sitting at a lunch table alone as a Senior is just too unbearable. I talk to no one in class unless I am forced to. (I do clubs and activities outside of school and I get along with the other teens there great so why not at school?) I can't figure out what has gone wrong with my life. Guys try to talk to me on the street and I ignore them, even if I think they are cute. If guys try to make eye contact, I look the other way. If I see guys approaching me , I try to take a detour , going into a store until they pass or crossing the street. Guys who I've like at one point and even gotten the courage to talk to, I always chicken out of plans or tell them I am too busy for a relationship. This one guy who liked me tried to kiss me repeatedly and even though I wanted nothing more than to kiss him, I would always back away and make excuses. My friend wanted to hang out but I've only hung out with her in group settings so I lied and told her I was busy. I mean what if we hung out and guys approached us, and I couldnt handle the situation? I see my younger cousins running around with really good looking guys, asking me for relationship advice and I would always have to lie. What do I know? I can't pin point my fears . I want to be social, and hang out with people. I want to have a relationship. I want to kiss and get my heart broken and call someone baby. But I just can't . I'm afraid. I panic sometimes.I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. At this rate it's possible. What do I do?
Thanks again, my fears are ruining my life. Ps I have no money for a therapist.
I'm not a psychologist but I once was the new kid in school and you have been the new kid three times. It is my thinking that most of your trouble stems from constantly being the new kid on the block and in school.
It has been a very long time since I was in High School but I don't think much has changed. New kids are generally teased and ostracized by the others. They have all been together probably since grammar school and have long standing relationships. You have been to three schools in four years putting you in the position of constantly having to form new relationships.
You probably do not realize this but having to do so has most likely caused you to put a fence up around yourself to keep from being hurt. The fact that at clubs and activities outside of school you can form some type of relationship proves this to me. Why do I say this.
We get letters from kids going off to college wanting to know how to form new relationships. One of the things I always recommend is to join clubs or look for activities that interest them. When there is a common interest there is the opportunity to form relationships. Good relationships are formed when you have something in common. High school only provides school work as a common interest. Generally speaking this is not a basis for forming a relationship. This is why you have no problems out of school, the common interest factor.
As for boys it is my belief that as much as you want to have your heart broken, call someone baby and be social. The wall of protection you have built up around you at school is just to solid to break through. At least that is my take on things. Too many schools and not enough time to form friendships have caused you to form a defensive parameter.
As much as I would like to help you. This form of communication does not lend itself to it and I just do not have the education needed to do so. You need the help of a good therapist, someone you can confide in who will keep your secrets and help you breakdown the barriers you built.
My recommendations is that you seek the help of a trained therapist. Your family doctor should be able to help you find one. My feeling is that there is nothing truly wrong with you. Your a normal teenager suffering the troubles of to many school changes. Talk therapy with a trained therapist will help you overcome this.
(Rating: 5) Thanks you so much for your advice and it comforts me to learn that I am still normal. I will find someone to talk to.