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Q: I had been going out with a guy for approximately two years, waaaaay back in 2009. For our one year anniversary, he gave me a beautiful gold ring with an emerald stone as a promise ring, for me to keep until we were ready to get hitched in the future. Well, basically, things didn't work out, and I gave him the ring back because I felt awkward. May I note, I wore this ring for an ENTIRE year. Religiously. I thought it was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen, back then. Anyways, he told me the next day that he was probably going to throw it into a river, and we never spoke of it since.
About one year ago, he got a new girlfriend, who just happened to be one of my best friends. Me and him attempted to be platonic friends, but it was impossible; he revealed after a few weeks that basically he couldn't stand me anymore and never wanted anything to do with me again. I obliged, and haven't spoken to him since that day.
Today, at school, I saw her talking animatedly about her one-year anniversary with this guy. Lo-and-behold, on her pointer finger, sat a gold ring with a green emerald stone. The same. Frigging. One.
I couldn't contain my emotions and walked off. I was so appalled by the fact that he had given my 'promise' ring (although it was pretty much void now) to a girl he claims to love more than life. I find this not only offensive to me, but a horrible way to treat my best friend, whom has been head over heels for this guy in ways that I can't even describe. She obviously has no idea that the ring used to be mine; she's under the impression that he bought it for her as a present.
Should I tell her that it was my ring? Or should I confront him about it? May I note, we have barely spoken in months, and he openly glares at me whenever I attempt to make eye contact. So communication will be ANYTHING but peaceful.
...help?
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I'm going to disagree with the other Advicenator on this one.
If you tell your friend, you're going to come across as not being over him. You will look like you're jealous of their relationship. Not saying that's how it is, but your friend will see it differently from an outside observer who isn't in the throes of young love.
The best possible thing you can do is suck it up and let her be happy for the moment. He's a jerk: he's proven that already. If it's not meant to be, things will fizzle between the two of them and you can tell her and laugh about what a colossal bag of dicks he is. If it does by some miracle work between them, you'll always be the one who tried to come between them. You know the phrase "don't shoot the messenger"? It happens. All the time. Even if she says she isn't upset with you for telling her, even if she THANKS you for telling her, you will be the one who took the shine off her beautiful, one-of-a-kind present. So let her have her happiness. For now. And be glad that you're not stuck with that dirtbag any more.
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I do agree with your standpoint, but my friends and I usually have a strict policy of being as open and honest with each other as possible. Me and this girl have been through a lot together, to the point where we call each other sisters, although our relationship has recently waned due to the fact of said boyfriend. However, I'm going to attempt to keep this to myself for as long as I can; however, if the time comes where I can't stand to look at it with a straight face, I think the only way things can go back to normal is if I tell her straight-up.
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bio
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My Personal Forum
My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.
In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.
Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.
I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.
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Info
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Gender: Female Location: Ontario, Canada Occupation: Student Age: 26 Member Since: February 14, 2006 Answers: 2207 Last Update: September 26, 2016 Visitors: 102164
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