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June 25, 2009Answers:
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i'm 18/female. my boyfriend and i have been together for 5 amazing months. we've been best friends for several years and our relationship is awesome. it was an instant connection. we've even considered getting married in a few years because our connection was just amazing and our love goes really deep. we're both strong Christians and very open with each other. he'd told me when we first started dating that he'd struggled with porn. last night he told me that it had been gay porn and he still struggles with it. he said he thinks he might be attracted to guys and girls. he says he is still completely in love with me but wanted to be honest and didn't want this to break us up. i agreed to stay with him and try to help him though this. it's killing me though. i don't want to break up with him at all, but i have no idea what to do. i can't tell anybody because i'm the only one who knows so i'm doing this anonymously. my whole body is in physical pain struggling with this. i can't think straight. i need help. any advice from anybody out there would be great. tell me the truth please. that's what i want. please i'm begging. i don't know what to do or say. i want to "change" him, but i know i can't. it's his struggle but now i'm trying to help and i have no idea what to do. i don't want to turn him away anymore. i need him and he needs me. but i don't want to be used as a cover because he doesn't want anybody else to know. please help me. thank you.
Hey. Alright so I'm younger than 18, but I was/am in love with a Bisexual guy. I agree with the other columnist, Andrea, you need to ask him if he's bi or gay.
If he's saying he's still in love with you, I think he might either be bi, or just confused at the moment. You said you were strong Christians. I'm Christian too. I wouldn't exactly call myself religious, but I do believe that God accepts all people, and honestly, I don't believe that he thinks gay/lesbian/bisexuality is a sin. If we're taught to believe that God loves all people, that's clearly telling us that God loves ALL people, no matter what.
Basically, you need to talk to him about this. You don't need to feel like he needs to be "changed" because it's really okay. If he thinks hooking up with guys isn't cheating, you need to tell him what you think about that. It doesn't seem to me that he was incinuating that he wanted a guy into your relationship, but if he is you need to ask him about it and tell him what you think.
He's the same person you've loved for the past 5 months, and the same friend you've had for years. He's been having these thoughts all along, so there's no difference now. If anything, you two are stronger because he's now told you EVERYTHING. He doesn't want anybody to know because he's embarassed. If he was fully confident in what he was saying (as in, he wasn't thinking it was just an 'experiment') then you wouldn't be the only one that knows.
This is getting pretty long so I'll stop, but if you want further help feel free to message me. In the meantime, I hope what I've said has helped even a little bit. Good luck and remember, that God loves everybody!
(Rating: 5) this was GREAT. thank you!!